So Tim Dylan and I are in a relationship. The only thing we are not doing is fucking.
We are.
I think we're like a couple. Now, we're like Barry Diller and Diane von Furstenberg. He can date other people, he could do he wants, so can I. But he and I we hang.
We can hang like we went.
We were making a joke because So the first time I met Tim Dillan through Whitney Cummings, who doesn't mind the friend jumping, meaning like I love Whitney. But now I'm kind of closer with Tim because I've spent more time with him. I confide in her more. She's more touchy feely, and she is a woman, and we connect on different on a different level, and we do sometimes include her in our chat, but now we have our own thing going and she's not a jealous person about
me friend jumping. So I met him through Whitney because they were texting back and forth about lyme disease and the Hamptons and he's in the Hamptons and I'm in the Hamptons and wanted to connect on something. And then he and I jumped off and had a separate text without her. Thus friend jumping, and he came over to my house and I took him on a boat to Sunset Beach, and then.
I went to his house.
For a party, like a barbecue with a lot of young, good looking gay men and like producers and comedians and stuff like that. And then it got really serious. And this is when it got serious. He can hang like he can just roll. And he came with me to Sunset Beach. No, he came with me to surf Lodge to fiddy to fifty cent. He said, I can't say fiddy, And that's weird that he who's very politically incorrect, telling me that I can't say fitty.
But I think I can't because people say fitty. I looked it up.
Doesn't say we can't say it. But I thought somehow I'd be canceled if I said fiddy. But I can, but I'm saying, let's say fifty. So he came with me to half a dollar at the Surflage and.
I bought a bot. I was like, you know, I bought us a bottle and.
We had a crazy amazing table and he was able to like go. He was the hunter. I was the gatherer. I was sitting at the table. He was walking out into the pit meeting different people. He brought what the hell.
Is the guy's name?
He brought this like comedian's manager back over to the table that was hanging with us. I guesseame was Anthony, but I might be making that up. And then like he would just go out into the crowd, have fun, talk to people, hunt and gather and bring them back.
And then afterwards we passed the baton to him, and he said, can we go to Sagarbor Tavern, which is supposed to have the best burger in the Hamptons, to say the least, because it's supposed to have the best burger anywhere, because it's the sister or brother restaurant to Red Hook Tavern in Brooklyn, which is supposed to have the best burger anywhere. And all summer it's been like people say, there's a big crowd at sag Harber Tavern, so I haven't even attempted, and that the burger's insane.
But I forgot about it, and we were so I was so buzzed that I forgot and was trying to go to Bill Boukay, the douchiest place on earth, Like you know how they say, Disney is the douchiest place on Earth. Bill Bouchay and the Hamptons is the douchiest place on Earth. It is the Star Wars bar. It's every divorce a like with their divorce lawyer on hold trying to get a divorce while like trying to fuck
the pool guy. So so we come back and then he's the one who has access to the chef Billy who presents me with the VIP burger, thus passing the baton to him because I brought him to the fifty cent experience, so he like, for me, for somebody else, the fifty cent experience is a more valuable experience. But for me, a burger like the best burger and the guy bringing it out to me that's like Main and
Maine for me. So him bringing me and introducing me to the chef who like made me feel like you know, a king with like someone presenting me the royal burger that was elite. And then but we're still gonna call the whole night my night because I was the one who brought us out, and I had my driver, and like I took care of the fifty cent experience, which was expensive because bottles there a fortune and like, I'm
gonna we're gonna give this night to me. So then next he saw that night and he raised me and we went to the US Open and we sat like courtside, so that felt really elite and I'm a baller and like I think the tickets are like five grand each. So Tim brought me and it was like, okay, I'll sleep with you at this point, like you now you took me courtside, like okay, you know, okay. He didn't feed me at one fucking stick of food. He didn't even ask me. He did get me a water after
like an hour and a half. He did ask me if I had a mint, which made me think that maybe I needed one. But because I was, I felt like it was the high holidays and I had like dry mouth, and I was like, fuck, Tim Dylan, can't the guy bebra Like I'm not that bitch, but today maybe I don't know.
I just was feeling the driest mouth ever.
So he didn't get me food, and then we were like stopped at an exon Mark, but you could only go into that like little drawer where some guy's looking through and you can't pick anything that's not a good model, like they should have that be almost like an autumn at where you could like press a button and then they send something out. It should be like a giant
vending machine. Like the gas station should be a giant vending machine where you press some button and it spits out the food you want with like cause you can't see, so it doesn't make any sense. Yes, you can get gas there, but like the guy is sitting behind the glass and you have to put things in a drawer, but like, how would I know the best part of it going to minimot is deciding they don't all have
the same things. Different slushies, different coffees, different bars, different you know, meat sticks, like snacks, like they just it's just not a smart model. Makes no fucking sense, to be honest. What's your beverages? You've snappled? You have that?
Bye?
Do you have Arizona bever Like? Do you coke pepsi like mountain dew or do you have doctor pepper up? Like it's a terrible model. So I didn't get any food there, and it felt slightly unsafe. We're like outside off the highway. He's in a white Bentley, I'm in a miniskirt. It's just all like it's giving. Please rob us, please just jack our car. So that was that night. And then it was like he won, like he took me court side, right, didn't that kind of I don't know,
fifty was great whatever. So now I shall I fucking I fucking dunked the basket. I say, okay, a couple of days, come with me. We're going to we're gonna we're going to shay Stadium or Cityfield. We're going to city Field and we're going to the Mets game. Oh but wait, there's more. My friends own the team.
You're welcome.
So we go up to the sickest suite you've ever seen in your life. It's like it's like a gorgeous hotel suite that is so stunning, and like the food is crazy and it's steak, and it's everything from pretzels to hot dogs to like Brussels sprouts to sushi to Tommy Mattola there and with Talia and christ Stefano, who's another comedian is there, and it's just like it's just the players are coming up and the players' wives or another thing, and it's just like I'm a cool I'm
the Cools bitch there is. I mean, that's just what. There's a famous photographer in there, and it's just like casual and fun. So Tim comes to that, so he's like, where the fuck am I taking you next?
I'm like, I don't know.
The Mechcala like you better, you better pull your shit together. But we get along real well. We have a good dynamic. And I just I texted Whitney I said, the only thing Tim Dylan and I have not done together is fuck. So the night is young, but yeah, he's a great plus one. He's a great date.
We vibe, but we laugh.
And and people are having fomo about it, like other comedians are like tech slipping in my DMS and in his. Like they're like having like fomo, like why are these two friends? You know, people like why are they friends? It's annoying them because it's like these two don't seem to make sense. But then when you really think about it, we make perfect sense. So yeah, we're just shaking up some people who are getting a little irritated. Whitney Cumming's
not included there because she's fine. She's allowed me to jump, but I always bring her back in by saying things like and that you know. And I also am now a comedian because I'm going on stage with Whitney at her show at the Beacon, so that that by definition i'm a comedian.
I'm a supermodel.
Also, we'll talk about that later, we'll unpack that later, but yes, I'm a supermodel. Yeah, Adventure Era continues. I go to the Mets game. My friend Alex and Steve are there. It's their team, and I walk in and I tell Alex just about some stuff I have going on, and she says to me, you want to come to LA tomorrow morning jump on.
And I said, like fuck it. I went and talked to my daughter. She said go.
And I've been to my adventure Era and it's funny because when you're not happy, your kids notice it. And it's a you can't win for losing, because if you're not happy, your kids notice you're depressed, You're like not that motivated to do things, or you could be a little snappy. And I know this is going to sound like a crazy comparison, but Steve Madden once said to me on this show that his sobriety comes first before family, before work, before anything, because if he's not sober, everything
falls apart. And I'm gonna call my sobriety my happiness because if I'm not happy, everything falls apart. And I've told Brinn when she wants to pull me in different directions or you know how they play the emotional blackmail or the guilt the kids do and like want you to just sit at home like in a holding pattern, waiting for when you have to drive them somewhere or if they might want to grace you with their hanging out presence versus us. I'm a good parent. I'm an
involved parent. I am a supportive parent. I am an emotionally intelligent parent. I am a loving parent. I am a fun parent. I provide experiences. I provide material things and trips and education and involvement. But I I want to have a life. And what I'm not going to do is let my you know, the inmates run the asylum my kid like drive and make me feel guilty
about wanting to have fun. And I'm the mom that as when she was young because of my divorce and the trauma it created, I never left her for a second. I thought there was something wrong with me and that I was doing something terribly wrong. If I went out to dinner if I left her for a minute. And they say the fifties housewives were with their kids a lot less than we are now as working moms, because they weren't even with their kids. They just opened up
the back door and they ran out. They were home, but it didn't mean they were like connecting and bubble wrapping their kid in perfection and all that shit. And so I went to LA but I think once I went, she was like a little bummed that I had gone. And then, you know, but we're not connect You know, we didn't spend that much time together. And I'm like, we spend all our time together, and in fact, this weekend you had multiple social plans, which is why we
didn't spend the weekend together. And like they want to kind of gaslight you into thinking that you're doing something wrong. If you're not there for every second that they want you to be. You four games, you miss one, you're like,
you know, a terrible parent. And I'm really really being very serious about prioritizing my own happiness and having a life also because I don't want to be like, I don't want to be home alone miserable when she's out and my identity is like if she's out with her friends, which she's gonna need me less and want to be
with me less, as everyone has pointed out. So if I'm not working on the skill of socializing and interacting and doing things, I'm going to be just home sewing costumes and packing lunches and you know, not nurturing my own social happiness. And so I'm setting boundaries, and I think it's important that we do that. Like our identity
doesn't mean our identity isn't only being a parent. It doesn't mean like our whole life has to stop and we're doing something wrong if we do something for ourselves. So I'm taking very seriously my adventure era. And that's why I said to Alex, which was counter intuitive. I said, like, okay, yes, because it was days that I have brit Now she gets home at seven o'clock, she's locked in her room. I barely see hers. She's doing homework. We kiss, we
have food together, but it's like fleeting. Now I'm driving her to school, but they're not always wanting to talk. And it's nice to be in the same space. But I just said, I'm going to go somewhere for a couple of days, and I was glad that I did.
I had a great time.
It was Alex's daughter, Sophie's birthday, and I just felt like I was being adventurous. Like I just felt like I was saying yes. I was like, yes, I'm gonna get on the plane and come with you guys. Yes we're going to La. Yes, I'm going to do something fun. So I'm trying to like, really, I'm really still in my adventure. I have a couple of things. I was offered a crazy acting gig that I have to decide if I want to do another thing that's going to
knock your socks off. Like because of this attitude that I have and because of this adventure era, like a lot of things are flying in the energy. It's an inertia and things are opportunities are flying in because there's an alchemy to everything that I'm doing. There's like an actual chemistry to everything that I'm doing, and there's an energetic shift and I strongly recommend it. I strongly recommend that you prioritize your happiness and don't apologize for things
that you're doing to make yourself happy. Doesn't mean you're out doing drugs and you know, turning tricks in your living room. It just means like you can have your own life you're supposed to, and I'm really exercising that option for the first time ever since being a parent. I've never exercised that option. And if that means one or two nights that my daughter's not with me, that's okay. Like I'm becoming okay with that. I was never like that.
I never went anywhere, So I think it's liberating and also then for you to let your kids know that too, be like, yeah, I am lonely when I'm not with you, and I don't want to be alone. I want to go have fun and have friends and maybe you know, date and just explore. So that's where I stand when it comes to personal joy and happiness
And want to back to be out of the