Just B Rant: Don't Be the Giving Tree

It could be that my friend said to me she needed a dress for her daughter's wedding, and I hyper fixate on this task and I go onto different websites, which sometimes can be forty pages of dresses, and I end up looking up every single dress and gown that we would be perfect, and sending her every single link, and until I feel like I've exhausted every single option, I'm not done. So it's not even that I'm like the most generous or giving person. I mean, although it

might be perceived that way, it's a hyperfixation. It's like I just I see tunnel vision, I have to finish, and I keep going until it's over. Because it's also a little obsessive. So if I have to organize a kitchen or a drawer or a closet or put things

away or unpack or put away groceries or anything. I can't stop until the task is finished, so I kind of can't see things that need to be done because if I see things that need to be done and need to do them, so, yes, it's a probably it's a version of OCD, and no, I'm not a medication

for it. So if someone if I that's why with my partner in relief work, if I get into something, so I'll call him and I'll say, Okay, I am really heartbroken over the Ppe situation during the pandemic, or what's going on in Ukraine or what's going on in Puerto Rico or something going on. He will get activated and he'll get excited because he has his own version of like addiction, you know, to the cause, and so

he'll get all worked up. But then I'll have to control it because I'll have flipped the switch on and I'll have to say to him, but like, we have to do this to a certain point. But then I have to extricate because I used to not control myself. And by the way, years ago, I used to produce events and I was the best at producing events. I was the best at the p and L the best at the budget. Why because I didn't miss a single detail, because every single floral chair, everything was put back the

way that it was. There was no waste, every single food item, every I just was, you know, obsessive, and it wasn't good for me, but I was good for it, So I was excellent at it. So I am excellent at relief work because I am thorough, I am organized, I am efficient. I execute and I don't stop until it's done. But it's not good for me because I won't be sleeping at night. And when I first started out and we were doing Hurricane Maria, I was up all night on every chat room, fixated, focused, and I

have to finish. So if someone asks me to help them with something, it could be designing their house, it could be helping them get a job. It could be choosing a wardrobe. It could be setting them up with someone. It could be finding a chef for a party, or I'm finding a chef for my own party, or I need a specific food truck. It could be any or makeup.

That's what happened in the beginning of the beauty journey because I was fixated on every single product, so be cream blush, the best cream blush, cream, bronzer, this powder, this eyelash curler, and I have to control myself. And the CMO of Beam Global, the company that ended up buying the Skinny Girl cocktails, he called me an idea hamster because once I got on emails with someone and I'm telling them an idea for a show, for a name,

for a product, for anything, I hyper fixate. And so everyone who knows me knows I'm like a machine and I like gang, you know, would just like fire off ideas. And that's why I was kind of good at reality TV too, because I'd have twenty five ideas for each

scene and for what we were doing. And so anyway, it can translate into doing too much and giving too much, because if you don't get back, which is impossible to get back at this kind of a clip, you feel like the giving tree and you feel like you're not someone's not meeting you halfway, and you can't force them to meet you halfway because no one is a machine

like you. So what you have to do is you have to force yourself to stop giving and doing because if someone asks you for something, You're just going to do it. That's who you are. So if your friend asks you one question about a wedding dress, you're going to go off and give them fifty five wedding dresses and you're overshooting the mark. So it's kind of like

someone you know. And this could happen in relationships in French, where you have to know your limitations and not expect someone else to do at the same rate as you do, but also not to overdo, and also not to set yourself up for situations like this. I've created a situation where as an accidental influencer, stuff is constantly coming to my house, so I have to look at it, I have to review it, and I keep trying to tell

people not to send it. But people are also addicted to me reviewing products, so I keep getting things and they want a good review, and so I'm also trying to not get things because if I see that it's here, I'm gonna have to look at it and open it. And this is also extremely obsessive. I'm well aware. We don't have to criticize me. You't have to tell me. You enough to tell me. I need to seek help.

I talk to someone like it's a situation. But I definitely have to intervene in my own habits because otherwise I become the giving tree and I feel depleted, and it's honestly my fault. Now, let's talk about that the post that I did not know was going to break the Internet, that I just posted the fireplace post with a heated throw and a guy. Sometimes I forget the pockets that different social media. This is why magazines. Another

archaic form is magazines. Magazines. When you sat in the nail salon and looked at a glossy magazine as someone on the cover, it's like, who cares? You know? I don't do morning TV shows anymore. It means I have to leave my house, take a shower, get glam, go somewhere. For what. I have my own TV show, it's my own phone. It's archaic. So I forget that because if I want to talk about something, I want to announce something.

Remember when like Beyonce dropped her album herself on iTunes, like she wasn't going through the dog and Pony show of like a label or any of that shit. It's like, I've got my own music. I did it, I'm dropping it. Remember, when like Taylor Swift took back her own fucking content because the Scooter Braun debacle. It's called like you're your own content, your own podcast, you can self publish, you could do whatever you want. So I was just I just wanted to eat. I like TikTok is a creative

for me. It's like a garage band. So I'm just sitting there like Wan liking that song and it like just I saw him sitting by the fireplace making a fire and it just like was like, em my man, thank you for my man. It's a sound on TikTok. It just I just posted in two seconds and there are articles about it, and it's like everybody has to make it into something like now all of a sudden,

I'm like getting married, I'm registering for China. And this is what happens with relationships where everyone makes it into something like I genuinely if I don't post someone's face or say anything, it's not a hard launch, Like it was just a fun post. What if it was just it could have literally been a one night stand that a guy had a heated throw that he got me, you know, like it wasn't. But the point is like everyone's so crazy and starving, and they want to bring

you up and then take you down. You know, like like you're supposed to want your own privacy, but you have to share with everybody exactly what's going on and what you're doing. And they are so loving and they glamorize your relationship into perfection and the romance and like a man making me a fire and buying me a blanket, it's as if he bought me an island and you know, a canary diamond. And everybody's got like these fantasies going

on in their mind about what it is. And then you know, people want to take you on the ride, and if something doesn't work out, then everyone wants it to crash and burn, and like everyone gets dragged along. They've got to do the greatest hits of all my relationships and talk about my daughter. And it's just like and yet it's hard to stay private. I'll tell you why it's hard to stay private. It's hard to stay private because let's say, go to a restaurant with someone

that I like. So let's say in the beginning, I'm cautious and I don't want someone to be public at all because I just don't want this to defy me, and I don't want this to be a soft launch, a lukewarm launch, or any launch. I'm just out with somebody. But let's say I get paparazzi, then it's out there. Now there's twenty seven articles. I mean, there are people who have been scene for one night. Literally. It's how

Kim Kardashian started her fame. She was at I heard the story because I know the people that were there. She was out and she stood next to Nicolache and she got photographed and it went everywhere, and she just kept like raising her public stock that she wasn't really with him, you know, like maybe she went out with him once, But if you're out with someone once, it could become like a fantasy that everyone thinks you guys are in a mad, crazy relationship. So you want us

sort of be careful. But let's say go to dinner with someone and we got paparazzi. Then they look them up, they find out who it is, and we're off to the races. And the relationship might not be ready for that because that person may get gunshy and scared, and you know, let's say you're just on your first date, and then other people don't want to date you because they're reading that you're out and you're like in a serious relationship. So let's say you go on a couple

of dates. Let's say you like someone. Let's say you sleep with someone. Let's say they could be the one. You have no idea. It's a month and they could be the one, they could be the not one. It's a month. Then you've been photographed. You're trying to get through that. Now you know, maybe they don't want put pr they don't want it at all. They like you, they're interested in you. They don't want a public persona. Maybe their family doesn't want that. Maybe it's not good

for their business. Maybe they have you know, they work in a private field. Okay. And then you're out to dinner and you're out with a bunch of people and you're out let's say REOs, or you're out at Carbone and you're taking pictures. You're like excluding them. You're taking pictures because you're living your life and like there, or you all take a group picture. Someone says you want

to get a group picture. Then you want to post it because you just want to be like I was at REO's or I was somewhere, and you're excluding this person because you've decided. You've said to yourself, I don't want this to be a public thing yet. And by the way, this can apply to the cul de sac I always talk about the cul de sac doesn't have to be, you know, public domain. It could be like in your life, you're not ready for people to know,

but now you're leaving people out of pictures. And now you're leaving people out of activities because you don't want other people to see it. So now you're leaving people out of pictures, and you post a picture of you at Carbone or a Rockefeller Center or something, and then it could be like marginalizing the other person. And then people think you are still single, so still reaching out to you. And I'm telling you, if the situation were reversed,

I would not want someone to exclude me. I might not want to be public, but I also don't want to be invisible. I don't want to be excluded. So now there you're in a rock and a hard place. Both parties are between a rock and a hard place. So then you know you're at an event. Let's say you're at the Yellowstone premiere, and a photographer says to you, can I get a picture of you? Guys, You're out

on a date with a man. You're standing next to Jay Cutler and his girlfriend who you saw wearing a ring, and you know before anybody else knows that they're engaged. You're not saying anything, and a photographer says, can we get a picture? I was already thinking, shit, the guy had a dui. Shit, the guy's engage. Are they gonna notice? But I can't be responsible for everyone? And shit, now if we get a picture taken, the guy that I'm standing with thinks this is just a picture taken at

the event. He doesn't know this is going to be international news. Lo and behold the next day it's in every fucking magazine. And then you're like, shit, I want to start my diet again because last time I got fun. So then you're like, I want to start my diet again. Then you're out on another event, and then someone comes up to you because you also want to bring a guy on an event. You don't want to be invited

to something and be alone, especially during the holidays. Let's say you're seeing someone you might want to bring them to something. Then a photographer comes up to you. You're like, you just went through this, and you're like, no, thank you, it's okay. And it feels awkward. It feels like you're embarrassed to the person you're with. You're in shamed, You're ashamed. You don't want to be seen with them, like you're not. You are running game. You want to sleep with other people,

you want to date other people. Why don't you want to take a picture with them, even though they know they really kind of might not want it either, because the game moves quickly and the next day they're going to be in twenty articles again. But it's like you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. So you don't take a picture. And then you're sitting in front of a fireplace and it's a cute and you're like, you want to include the man, just to be like, ah, yes,

I'm seeing a man, like I'm seeing someone. He's here right now, he's a nice guy. He's making me a fire. It's cute. This is a TikTok sound. I connect with my people. I want to include them, their nosy bitches, let's go. And then that thing becomes the hard launch when you've posted a picture with the back of their head,

you know, just like I did on my birthday. It was a ten photo slider, and they're just happened to be me holding a man's head from behind, because it's not a soft launch and it's not a hard launch. It's just saying I was holding someone's hands, and the romance part of me and the dating adventure era of me is alive. It does not mean that I am ring shopping and shopping for China. It's just that it's not exactly and no one needs to like feel bad

for me. I have a great life, I'm happy. I'm just explaining that not everything is what it seems for certain people. You know, I really really admire Ryan Gosling and his wife and their militant way of keeping their relationship private, but yet we still know wh they're in a relationship. I remember Katie Holmes was dating Jamie Fox. It was the best, it was the worst kept secret. They were fully together because they got photographed. Did she hard launch it? No? Does it make a difference. Was

it still international news? Yeah? When they broke up, was it still international news? Yeah? It's pretty hard to keep something private, is what I'm saying. If people give a shit about what you're doing and not, everything is as it seems, so don't believe everything you read. Don't believe every picture you see. Don't believe hard launch soft launch paparazzi pictures like, Yes, they're an indication, but they don't mean everything. Does that make sense