So let's talk about dating, one of my favorite new topics. Not because I love doing it but it's okay, but because I think that it's something so many people are faced with and I'm watching so many people do it wrong, and I'm sharing my mistakes and I am kind of going through the process. I have to reiterate something really important that you'll never know what I'm talking about because I protect people's privacy and if I like someone, I
certainly won't be talking about them. So when I do my data boards or talk about cautionary tales, I'm extremely intentional about it. I'm very careful. I know what I'm doing. But all of the stories are true.
Okay. So here's what I think when.
You're dating overall or online, because I hesitate because I was set up with someone from a human and that's when this TikTok I did that when on Instagram went viral because this person I ended up in their divorce agreement because I saw some pink flags and realized that their ex wife is supporting them, and it was like whoa.
And people freaked out about that because of like what I thought were pink flags, and I got calls from warriors and business people being like your genius, you're such an investigator, like that was so smart, and so that's interesting, which tells me that you have to be smart about dating. And if you've been screwed over as I have, and if you have massive trust issues, as I do, then you can be spatially disoriented, meaning you don't it's zero
dark thirty. You don't know where you are, and you don't know if you're upside down, someone screws you over, or you think that someone's something and there's something else. You don't know what's going on. You don't know what to trust. You feel like you're in a house of mirrors.
You don't know whether to go left right, if anything you're seeing is what it is, And in many cases it's I'm not saying with everybody you have to be a crazy person detective, but if you smell anything weird or somebody seems like a player, it's too good to be true. Whether they're too nice to you or they're pursuing you too hard, or something happens, you're gonna have to like figure out a way to cover your ass.
And you just never know. People are crazy. Someone could say you're a stalker or something.
I don't know.
This is like the fucking wild West and the Internet. If so many people get stolen from on the internet, like people you see things on dateline where people give away their entire inheritance, then you know, fucked up shit can happen on the Internet. It's just so accessible and so free and bots and AI and this is nuts.
I've heard crazy stories.
Okay, one person on their profile under their picture, the first question says burper or farder.
I can't believe I just said that outlet. I want to vomit.
Like what, that's how you're representing yourself, you fucking whack job. So people are nuts, okay, but this is what you have to do. You have to do a multi step verification process. It's not a two step verification process. A multi step verification process. What does that mean? Okay? Who are they? What's their name? Is it really their name? Then you find out the company that they work for. Then you go look it up and like is that real? Then you find out like where's their address? Do they
really live where they say they live? Try to find some like public records. Then you need somebody in common to tell you this person's okay, sorry, like somebody needs to tell you. I've called my friends, but I've been crazy. Like, so the person telling me about the other person, they knew I didn't act like I cared because I knew that I was gonna call that other person in vet,
this original person. So I called the other person and they said to me, this person is not it for you energetically, financially like, it's just not it like and I was like, thank you, because you know what, it saved me an outfit. It saved me a night. It saved me access to me. Now that's a little different because I'm a public person, but for anybody, don't give access to you to everybody, Like you're not just running out going on a date. You gotta like somebody. And
you got to FaceTime than two. And this person had gone through a multi step verification until me reaching out to that person who said it wasn't a fit because this person was fairly successful, not successful enough, i've found out, but good looking enough, age appropriate, geographically desirable. The job sounds good. Everyone can make their jobs sound good. And you need a deeper piece of information. You need a multi step verification process before you go out with someone.
You need to protect yourself. Talking about x's on a date is a red flag. I can think of one high profile person. I went out with, a successful person who runs a big brand and owns a brand, a man that I was set up with, and he kind of subtly trashed his X right away. Now, I've had a pretty challenging divorce. I do not get on my first date and start trashing. I might say I've been through a challenging situation.
It's hard.
It's a difficult situation that lasted a decade. But I would never you just don't do that. I've had two men do that, one man that liked me for years. It always turned me off because that will be you one day. You don't want to be with someone that you couldn't imagine being divorced from. Now that's a terrible thing to imagine, but a reality. Just like if you get into business with anyone, you don't want to get into business with anyone. That would be a disaster if
it ended. I got into business with someone in the apparel business and another person said they've never ended a business without being in a lawsuit. And I was already sort of in the deal, and I always was paranoid about that. I didn't like the way that it felt.
And towards the end, when I had some leverage over them and they were not treating my staff well and they needed me to do something for them, I had some financial leverage and I basically said, if you want me to do this X thing, you're going to have to pay me each time before I do it. So there was no way that they could get what they wanted without paying me because I had heard that piece of information and if I had no leverage, this person
would have totally fucked me over. And I had another person in the entertainment industry that had a bad reputation and I was in a business deal with them, and I had to do a very similar thing, be like proactive about it ahead of time to get myself out of this deal. Like you gotta be on guard in your relationships like you are with business. And that's the difference, because you wouldn't get into a business deal. I'm like, hey, let's just write on a cocktail napkin and do a
business deal. So every you gotta not trust people, period. You don't know these people. You go on a date with someone they're a stranger. You don't know them, So why would you go like trusting someone what they said? Do you trust people in business what they say? Hi, we're gonna deliver this diamond tomorrow, but just guess what. It's definitely coming hand us your money. Why is that different than like, Hi, I want to get into a relationship and I want to have kids, and I'm going
to treat you like gold. Six months later, you know they're verbally abusing you. It sounds cynical, it's just realistic. I'm hearing too many fucked up stories, and I'm experiencing too many fun stories myself of people being nuts.
Here's another weird thing. Dating apps. Now.
I find many of them to be a goddamn disaster. I'm not kidding you. It's a bargain bin. You have to go and fish through and have patience, and it could depress you and it can make you feel gross, to make you feel sick and make you feel full, and you really can't do it if you're not up for it. And many of them are trash bins. And so you could say I could find something in there, Well,
you could go find somebody at Giant Stadium. Also, if you want to fish through and walk through that whole stadium, but I certainly wouldn't want to, so you got to be careful where you are. Another thing is they're motivated by money. They're all motivated by money. This is something zero people talk about. Okay, they're motivated by money. Dating apps are motivated by money, and they want to keep you on their app. And if they say that you've come off, do you ever notice that you go back
in and then there's a better batch. So it's like you fucking got to date your dating app. You're playing games with them too. And they are also like arimez back rooms on some dating apps, like they'll be like, oh.
These are the very special guys.
They're giving you the like bargain basement shit every day, but if you pay extra, you get the special guys. Now that's your choice if you want to do that. It is like the slots, but I have experience that some good coins would come out, but you gotta be willing to do the work.
It's like fishing.
You got to sit out there all day and there might be something that jumps on your fishing rode, and there might not. So it's not for the it's not for the weary, it's not for the faint of heart. You have to know how to navigate these apps. So once you can deal with the fishing of it and the slots of it, and there is a skill to it, and I'm pretty fucking decent at it. I've done okay there, I mean, I've found decent people at the level. But then that's when you have to do your multi step
verification process. Once you find someone seems good, it's got it, you got to get serious about like, okay. So also because I'm a known person, but maybe you're a hot person, maybe you're a rich person, maybe you're whatever they want. But because I'm a known person, people come in and they're curious, looky lose, they want to look at the house that they're not really planning on buying, or you know, they're not.
The appropriate buyer.
So yesterday someone reached out to me to date me, and like was asking you a loud do you really want do you want to get into a relationship and what do you like and where do you like And let's go on this kind of a date and go on this romantic walk and eat this ice cream and this whole shit, and I had noticed that they had said they wanted kids, and so then I said, do you want kids?
And they're like yeah, And I'm like, get the fuck out of here. When you talk.
I'm fifty three years old. What do you think I'm doing. I'm fucking halle Berry. Get out of here. Don't fucking waste my time. Now, I've like, I feel like I've had sex with this person just because I've talked to them. They make me sick because I've like given any part of me, Like you have my phone number, you've interacted with me, I've said more than four sentences. That's like currency, get the fuck out of here. So like, do the vetting,
because what if I went out with the guy. The guy's hot, the guy's sexy, the guy seems interesting, and the guy really lays on the charm. Okay, then I'm into him and the I'm like, oh, it doesn't matter. Maybe I'll convince me he doesn't want to have kids. Maybe I'll put him around some brats and then change his mind.
Whatever. Don't get in the wrong car, don't do it. Do not do it. Also, hot take.
Sometimes you'll find that someone's using you find out if you want to use him back flip the script. I know of someone that wanted to use me for media. They wanted to use me for the cloud. Okay, what if there's something that they have Once I realized that, oh okay, I.
Know the game.
Now, I know our room we're in. We're in the users game. So let me think about if there's something you have that I want. Maybe for somebody at sex, maybe for somebody else, it's presence. Maybe it's going out and going on a date and not being like a spinster home alone in your pajamas. Maybe it's whatever. Whatever it is, you figured it out. And if you don't have a reason and they're using you, ice out, just
blow them out. I've also had someone very interested in me that I didn't let them know that I wasn't interested in them. I don't need to let them know anything. You don't know them anything. I just blocked them on one of the like social media platforms, but they came in and found me in another platform. I didn't connect the dots. I didn't tell them like what they did. It's kind of like we're watching people, We're observing people
in their habitat. Let's set this fucking guy's gonna do literally, I believe that he was using me. I saw some red flags about deleting texts, so I just blocked him over there and I deleted the entire chat because it was like, oh, you're gonna delete four texts, I'm gonna delete the whole chat. But he can access me other other places and tried to and I just did a smiley face. So he now probably is like wait. I'm like, it's like, you want to you want to fuck with me?
I will jedi mind fuck you, bro. You know what you want to go, we can do it. It's like Kristin Cavalary said, it best match that person's energy.
You want to go, we'll go.
So don't think you've lost the ball just because it feels like you've lost the ball and someone got one over and you just shift shift it, work it out. You are going to take back the power. You're gonna be the one in charge now, not gonna be these babies that are running around like men decide how we're gonna act.
Like I see this all the time.
I was in Central Pey and I saw these girls, these hot, beautiful girls with these sleazy, cheesy like hairy chest like rope chain, gold, like flashy cashy watches, treating them like shit, and the guys are not attractive, and it's like the girls are just excited for someone to buy them drinks. And it's like taking scraps. We don't need scrubs, and we don't need scraps. Go home, read a fucking book, get a drink, go make a meal, do something, but respect yourself.
This is not gonna be the era of We're gonna be treated like shit. No,