So the dating pod has been sort of back alive, and I've been dabbling. I'm a dating dabbler. Now, I'm a dating dabbler. And once you get one person who's very interested in you that you sort of like, it's like, that's when your burner gets going. That's when the Viking stove has something on boil, something you took off, something simmering, something on the middle, something just waiting to be put on the stove, and something just waiting to be taken off.
So I'm a big believer, and get your burners going and don't lock anything down. That being said, it is almost worse when someone likes you more than you like them, because they're so great and so nice and such a good pursuer and so persistent. But if you don't love it, you don't like it. If you don't know, yes, it's no, And you don't want to like put someone in the friend zone, and you don't want to make some and feel bad. And it's definitely something to navigate when someone
really likes you much more than you like them. So be mindful, be respectful, be kind, And you have to find that sweet spot between blowing someone out because you just think that you definitely don't like them, because in the past there have been people that you don't love, so you don't like. But there are so many stories if someone people weren't into but then it surprised them. Maybe they had sex with them and then it all came alive. Maybe they saw the way they handled when
you were sick. Maybe they dealt with your child in a certain way. Maybe they're super compassionate. So you gotta find the delicate balance. But it is almost more difficult when they like you more than you like them. Hold face signing someone is a fucking assault. Hold face signing someone is a hate card. I love people that I don't speak too often. Text me out of the blue sometimes that's jarring. Calm me out of the blue, that's way more.
Oh, FaceTime me. Are you a sociopath? Lunatic? Are you in your fucking mind?
It is like someone giving me a rectal exam mid day, Like, what are you doing?
No, get off my phone.
It's freaking me out that if I accidentally hit this, you're gonna like.
See my face right now, like immediately. No. And likewise, I the someone.
Try to date me and we're just on the phone and then they all of a sudden hit face time like no, I want to No, I don't want to see you right now? Okay, seeing is not talking and texting. It's so annoying. And that's related to the ick. You get the ick when you're dating someone. Even if you get a half a knick fucking over, there's nothing. The ick is so incredibly icky. It is so icky. And
and love bombing is icky. And I've been getting like sort of version of love bombing and it's like so and when someone slathers something on and you didn't ask for it, and then they slather it on more, you're like, I didn't ask for the slaughter the first time.
I didn't want the first swath of butter or cream teaste. Why you doubling down?
If I didn't respond to it and say, oh I love a slatter, I want more frostic. If I didn't say that, don't fucking give me more. People like try to like keep going with the love bombing and the comments, and you're like, oh, now I can ever seek you again. It's the worst.
Any version of it is the biggest stick in the world.
Do not gaslight yourself because someone seems nice and I like you so much with the.
Gross run ick is icky no way.
I got invited to the Sports Illustrated Swim Show. I had no idea what to expect. I thought what they were doing was interesting with different types of women from the outside peripherally, I didn't really understand it. I'm not gonna pretend I knew everything about it. I didn't know ninety eight percent of the women there. But I'm gonna tell you, guys, do not let people tell you.
Now. I'm being serious. Listen, if you say.
I want to be a brain surgeon and you are a baker, I think that you should be told no.
But I'm just telling you. I have ten examples.
I have ten examples of emphatically being told no to things that I knew were yes, okay, so green means go. I was told emphatically by someone on my team, you TikTok is not for you. It's for eight to eleven year olds, and that's not for you. I was told emphatically in writing by someone on my team. Sports Illustrated would not want you. Everybody's already seen you in a bathing suit a bunch of times. That's a hard no. I was told things about Forbes magazine is a hard No.
I was told Skinny Girl was not a fuck you idea that I thought it was, and to just go back and focus on reality TV. I was told no, not to do The Housewives by everybody, and I was told not to come back to the Housewives when I came back. I was told, I was told, I was told, I was told. I was told, no, do not listen to other people. Put up your guardrails. It is dangerous because what happens is people are told and most people listen.
I say fuck off.
I was told, no, you can't cancel today on HSN when you don't want to sell the those bathing suits to people because you think they look like shit on everybody. You're not gonna do that to people. Let me remind you all, because it's because I just did a swim show. I was launching bathing suits. We had spent sixty thousand dollars on these bathing suits and we were launching them. Ww D had written an article I was going on
live on HSN to sell bathing suits. Tried them on after we'd done many reviews and designer zooms during a pandemic to change them they were ill fitting, they fit like shit.
I said, I'm not doing it.
My business manager said, you have to do it, yelling at me. We sent all this money, HSN, et cetera. I called it just then. I said, I'm not going on. HSN understood. It wasn't perfect or convenient, but they understood because they don't want to sell ship bathing suits. And my business manager said, we'll sell them to like off price stores, meaning like a Marshal's or something that like sells for less. I go, so, we're gonna let poor people look like shit like I was. So I did
not go on and sell them. I don't listen or what other people say if I know it's right, and neither should you. You do not let people determine your boundaries. Okay, you do not, because I walk that runway and that person on my team was wrong, and I have been so tempted to just say I can't believe.
I almost listen to you, but there's no upside. It doesn't matter.
But that person told me no, and they were wrong, and they should call me now and say I was wrong, and they know who they are. So I have had a struggle with long lost family because some people say that they love their friends more than their family. And just because someone's your blood doesn't mean they're your family because you don't know them and you haven't had a relationship with them. And over the years, I've had long
lost family reach out to me. And it's because I had a family of my fathers for years reach out to me.
I never knew them.
And like, I'm a very I came from a very dysfunctional, very guarded, very abusive, insane child like household. Like it's hard to believe and it seems insane if you even tell somebody what my child who was like. And I'm not looking for any sort of sympathy whatsoever. I don't like to talk about it. And when I go out on a date and someone asks me, like where are you from?
What's this? Where religion are you? Where did you grow up? What about your parents? I cringe.
I wither. I just want to I want to die. And so I don't trust people.
I try.
I have the same friends from high school. I don't trust people. You're in or you're out, I'm loyal to you, or I couldn't give a shit, like I don't really have I'm a loyal person, meaning in business, I don't fuck people over and if I say it, I mean it. I never betray someone's trust. I never tell anyone's secret. I have secrets on people from like the bravosphere that I don't speak to nor care for. But I would never divul to text or something someone told me. I
am in the Witness Protection program. And that's sort of like another code too of growing up with like mafia ties and the racetrack, Like it's just like, don't fuck around.
I don't.
I'm extremely hardcore and loyal and you always know what's going on with me. You always know where you stand with me. And that can be frightening to people that said, I'm not really touchy feeling and I'm not looking for a lot of new friends.
Okay, I'm really not. So when long lost family.
Reaches out to me, it's not comfortable and it's cringe cringe to me, and I don't want to do it because I don't know them and other people and in Hallmark films they say, like, it's your family and wouldn't that be nice and bring could have cousins and all this stuff because they have kids, But like, I don't want to meet new people, and I really don't trust people.
And some of the people have been slightly more persistent since I've been a well known person, and that could also because they've seen me more publicly and it's reminded them of it, but it could also not, And like, I just don't know how to go back. And even if you have a family member that was like a father or a mother or a stepfather that you didn't speak to for like ten or twenty years, for me, like it's impossible. I can't do it, and I'm upset
with myself. I kind of want to know what you guys think about this, because I get upset with myself and I think about it and I try to be nice to them and like say something nice to them to make them feel good. But I'm like that with friends that I was within friends with in high school
and college too. If I lost touch with you for twenty years, I don't want you to reach out to me and like ask me for things or like get together because I'm paranoid and I think you're with me for the wrong reasons because we haven't spoken for twenty years, but you were friends of me years ago when I wasn't anybody. But it's just like my circle's closed, and it's kind of sad, not because I'm lonely or not,
it's just my circles closed. And I don't know what you guys think of that, Like do you think we should be opening up the circle? I mean new people through business that I get together with. I mean new people through dating that I get together with. I have new friends that I've met through dating. It's just sort of in the former friends and very distant family that
I have no relationship with. And also it's connected to my mother or father, which represents such a dysfunctional household that people that are connected to them or all want to talk about it. Like someone reached out to me about my stepfather the other day by social media, and they want to tell stories about the racetrack. But like I'm traumatized for my childhood. I don't want to go back there. My mother died, I went back there, you know,
I cried on the internet. I did like an hour long thing about death and her and what it was, and it like I had to heal. I don't want to go back, and maybe that's wrong, and maybe I have a blind spot and I'm missing something like that. I should be going back, but I just feel like you're fifty. Your your fifty is like, what are we doing?
I don't know.
So like people want to reach out and they think that, oh, yeah, I used to know your dad, I used to.
Know your mom. I was your mom's brothers whatever.
They used to say this about you, or they used to do to do this at the racetrack, or this happened I die same thing in third grade, Like, oh I was in your third grade class. Hi, I remember this, and there was a sadness in you and this about your parent. I don't want to go back there. And therapists probably want you to crack it open. And actually this is what I have to talk to my therapist about because I just don't want to do it. And it's like it's just trauma and it's trauma associated and
it's triggering. And I guess I've answered my own question, but I just don't know if there's something that's there that like I don't know, and I'm making a mistake.
I don't know.
Every time it happens, I punt it. I'm very grateful that my daughter begged me to meet my mother. Because then the box got to be checked. She met my mother, but I didn't. I went back there and saw my mother when my daughter was cause I wasn't gonna have them just be had my daughter be with her alone. But like, I didn't feel anything like I felt anger and triggered. I didn't feel like a movie like opened up and like you're my mom.
Like I didn't feel that at all. I felt triggered.
And like heightened, and I had to control myself and control my emotions in the way that I felt because there's no upside and I'm.
Very good at regulating myself.
But I didn't feel like I wanted to like piece everything back together after twenty thirty years of having no relationship, but just it doesn't seem realistic. So I just don't know what you guys think, and you might know something different, but it's certainly it's certainly not what they say in the movies.