Just B Rant: Breaking all the Rules

a pool filter checker. And by the way, I don't think I'm going to become one. Brinn will do it for me because now that she's been successful. And one time she found a frog in there. I don't remember if it was alive. I don't know what we did. This time Brynn found a critter and I saw her go scream and then I go, what like not today? Please swann a day? And I walk over and I got so much more than I bargained for. It was a it was a mouse, It was a it was

a rodent that was dark gray brown. I could later like two people said it could have been a rat. I heard a vole a mole. I don't. I don't know. I don't work in extermination at this time, but I'm planning on doing it, so Brynn. We then got into like, now we can't unknow what we know. We can't unsee what we see. We see, we know there's a beast in our in our in our filter. It's obvious that the thing is dead. And you couldn't see in the video.

Thank god that it had like there was like some sort of pink swelling of the either underbelly or the fingers or something felt weird. It looked like something like the inside of the mouse had come out of it or something. But I don't know. In testines, I'm thinking, don't be grossed out. Sorry, but it wasn't. It was something. Bryn later said she thinks chlorine swells mice. I don't know. I in the video you could just see like that there's a creature floating. So now we're in like what

are we doing? And I went to go look for my pool skimmer and it's gigantic, and I was like, we're strong women. I want to have the right wrote message and be a good role model. And be like we're going to do this on our own. We don't need to call somebody. What do we I just want it out of there, But I could thought, what's that going to feel like if I pick it up with my hand. I can't do that. What do I have?

I looked at like aspat show container, but I still thought that like it wasn't the right size to get in there and get the guy out. But like, what the hell how am I going? So I looked at the skimmer. It's too big. I didn't know what to do. And there's like a basket, and Britt had the idea of like get the basket out. I never thought of that, like, so I was like, oh, so then someone later said

get a hook like a hanger. I don't know. I didn't see if there was like a I didn't see like the way that the filter was, like if it had like a handle, but it didn't seem to I don't know. So because since since this experience, it's come to my attention that brinded all the work I was supervising. But somehow we sat down. I was like, I don't know, and she's like, I can go open the thing up again.

Because we closed that little stone thing, and so she said she could open it up, and I was like, I don't want you to be unsafe because she had a weird way she was gonna do with her foot. And then I'm like, now we're gonna go to the hospital for a broken toe. So I was like, I can't open it up. I just had weird rodent rules. I'm like, I can't open it up. So that's just one rodent rule that I'm gonna have for my life right now. So then she was like I'm not doing it.

I go you're gonna do it though, and she's like no, And I'm like, okay, fine, then we don't need to do it. And she's she's like, I do I have to swim after? I goes, do you have to swim after? Like we're doing it for free pool play, otherwise shut the pool, shut close, summer, Christmas is canceled, sell the house. No. So she was like okay. And so somehow we got to this point where like she was going to do

it and I was just yelling, barking orders. I was gagging, and I realized that we would go get like tongs. Like I knew we needed tongues, and truthfully, I didn't want to waste my tongues. And I knew, no matter what, for the rest of our lives, what am I gonna do. I'm gonna go like boil his tongs after it, just I know would be fine. But so I got the big long, like metal tongs with the wood on them. They're big, long, like dad barbecue tongs, and I brought them over and we did a bunch of tries and

I was like, you cannot. I wanted to say to one of my friends, you can't fuck this up. Okay, like you cannot fuck this It's game time now, Okay, do you understand me? Because what I didn't want was her to like start pulling up the basket and then drop it. Then there's a mouse flop at the house

and I'll have a panic attack. And they had to get the guy out, and I think Brim was like, we'll throw the whole filter away, and I then realized we don't have to do that because we could put the whole filter in the garbage, shake the guy out, then put the filter back, which somehow I managed to do. And I don't know quite how we did it, but I was like, don't scream, and then we both screamed

like it was just crazy. And then we put him in the garbage and then all these like Peter and Mouse people were going crazy, like not a lot, but just some people being like save the warm mouth was young, Like the fucking mouse was dead. I don't do mouse CPR, like I don't have to tell you, I don't like the paddles decide what to chicklets and a string. I'm gonna do like resuscitation paddles on the goddamn mouse the mouth, Like I couldn't even what. So we post this thing

on TikTok. Okay, it's going viral. It is flying. People are so invested in it. It's gonna go to a million, no question, it is flying. It gets shut down for sensitive content. So then we then that we had we put up a pixelated mouse video. You can imagine that like PG mouse didn't do as well. It's just ridiculous.

But like an incident in the pool with a mouse is not okay, make me understand, Brian, that came with me to the Today Show and Hoda asked if she could come on, and it was really funny because they had Brinn over on the side. You know, they'll put like a camera for teasers and then they'll show someone. And so she was over there. But what happened was when we mentioned her, she just walked out onto the stage and it was so cute, just came up to the desk and started talking to us. So the table

it was really funny. But what's not as funny but came out even funnier. Was an hour and change before the actual appearance for the Today Show where I was co hosting, and incidentally Christopher Buckle. The night before I booked him and said to him one stipulation, you have to do me in complete drug store makeup. He said, but I must use my brushes. And today I went out, I bought broke drug store makeup. I had drug store makeups sent and today I said, now we're using drugstore brushes.

So he used drugs store brushes and drug store makeup. He's never done it before and he said he would never have done it and he would never have thought it would perform like this. And after the show, I said to him, all right, so tell me the truth. If I said to you you I want to go to the Mechal and you're going to do my makeup for the mechal but it has to be drug store. What would you do when he said I absolutely yesterday I would have said absolutely not. Today I would say

one hundred percent yes. So that was amazing. And then I went I was an hour and a half before going on the show, or an hour and change, and I looked around and I saw my assistant like seeming concerned on the phone, and like everyone just seemed a little hushed, and I was just wondering where the clothes were. And everyone was freaking out because I did not have

an outfit to wear on the Today Show. It never made it with us, so it's not that funny because I was guest hosting, so I didn't want to be like an imposing on anyone in special attention. And now I have to go upstairs and borrow something. I was horrified. So they said I could go to this one woman's dressing room, and I was now looking at her dresses and they all look like talk show dresses, and I just like, but they're not my outfit and I loved

my cute outfit. And I sort of was really bombed, but I had the show had to go on, so I saw on her rack this ridiculous. It looks like a gymnastics suit, is what it looks like. Not even a It doesn't look like a babies. It looks like a leotard from nineteen eighties, like Jamie Lee Curtis in the movie Perfect or like Suzanne Summers with the thigh Master. So I freaking threw on the Today's Show. It's a Today Show on it. It's like a gymnastic Onesie leotard

that said Today's Show in bright rainbow colors. And I just I just did it. I just wore it, and I surprised Hoda. What was sucked was that before we had to do another piece outside, so I wore a trench coat over it. So I looked like a weird Lady of the night because I was wearing a trench coat. And she didn't understand what was going on because it was pre taped for something to be later dropped into

the show. And then I came onto the set at nine o'clock at ten o'clock in the morning with a trench coat off, showing up for the Today's Show, and she goes, what are you doing? And I took it off. She goes, what is that? What are you wearing? And I was like, I forgot my clothes. I don't know what to tell you. And I said, you gotta come admit to the bit. And it became like a thing that's on every magazine right now, in every paper because I committed to the bit and what choice did I have?

What choice did I have? So that was me co hosting the Today Show. I had a great time and it was so nice to have been there with me, and it was really nice. And it was hard because I was like distracted about the morning's events and how chaotic it was, and sometimes it's hard to keep yourself focused when you're thinking about other things. But somehow, I don't know, the show went on. Ooh, and just like that. The new Sex and the City show that I do hear is not great, but I didn't think the first

one was that great. And now I'm gonna kind of just watch just because it's one of those things that I'll just keep in my arsenal when I need a show. Oh. I started it, and a lot of people were distracted by the plastic surgery in the first one, and maybe it's just that it's not great plastic surgery that it exists, but it's a lot of pressure for those women to still look as good, which they won't years later because it's so long after. But everyone's been like, ooh, she

look got old. Well she didn't get old because she's older, but they shaded me. So I know Darren Star, the creator, and I know Sarah Jessica Parker, and one of these days I'll spill tea on my connection to Sarah Jessica Parker in addition to Andy Cohen. But it's no different than Housewives over there. Sarah Jessica Parker had to utter the words. So Sarah Jessica Parker is saying, I've almost rented in the Hampton six times? But that's what she said?

Was it because of Bethany Frankel? Like shots fired? But by the way, go me, how many years after me leaving TV, am I still relevant now? Not only on train Wreck Reality TV, but now on train Wreck scripted TV. I mean I've got I mean I've been on Saturday Night with Maya Rudolph mentioning me that she was dressed as a statue of liberty, and she said, we've survived everything. We've survived because they're talking about COVID like that we'll survive,

and she's like, we survived, Bethany Frankel. So now I'm getting But I loved being shaded on SNL, like that's a dream to be on SNL. So now I'm being shaded on and just like that, I love the haters. No one gets it. The haters pay the bills. The haters keep hating. Believe me, they always think that they're like gonna take me down. I'm gonna be so upset and so frustrated. Keep it coming when they stop talking, start worrying, Shady shady tea spilling SJP and Rosario and

Darren Starr. Keep it coming.