So this is a high class, unrelatable problem, but there'll be something connected to it that you relate to, I believe. So I'll go to restaurants where I know the owner, or they want me to say something good about the restaurant and review it well, or they know I'm a public person, et cetera, and the restaurant, once we've already ordered our food and we know what we're getting, then sends over a bunch of things to try. This is
a problem. I'm going to explain why I can afford to buy anything on the menu that I want, And I choose what I want to eat, and Brennan and I are out to dinner and we together decide what we are going to get. Sometimes we're going to dinner because we want the experience and we're full because like we ate in the afternoon, but we're still out of town and we want to go, or we had plans to go, or whatever the reason is, so we go.
And this happened three times over our ASTHMI vacation. Again, unrelatable, privileged content. But let me just I'm just this is the show where I rant and I could have Hillary Clinton and Matthew McConaughey on here and you guys don't really give a ship. But if I ran to bat tuna fish, it rates. So we go to restaurants while we were away on our ski vacation, and the owner will send things over. So the problem is one night we went to a restaurant and we knew what we
wanted to get. We planned, we're going to get the salad, We're going to share it. We got the octopus, we got the steak. Okay, So then the restaurant, in an effort to impress us, start sending over everything on the menu. I'm busting out. I feel like guilty. The problem is, now you're moving food around your plate. Now you're wasting food, which gives me so much anxiety. So we had ordered a slice steak to share. By the time a slice
steak came, we couldn't eat anymore. And so we had gotten things that we didn't want, but we felt compelled to eat them because they were sent over tar tar like carpaccio, like raw beef carpote. That's a very specific thing. My daughter doesn't want that. She's fourteen. She I mean, that doesn't matter her age. She'ts weird things in caviar blah blah blah, but she didn't want the carpaccio. I didn't want the carpaccio either, because, frankly, I was eating
steak for dinner. I wasn't on like a fucking carnivore caveman meet the Crudes diet.
Like, we knew what we were doing.
So now we got the carpaccio and it's raw, and Brinn's like, oh, she tried it, but we're whatever. We know what we're doing, so we I had to take a little bite and move it over, and then something else came and what was the other then giant ravioli. I don't want, Like, honestly, I'm not a food combiner, but I don't need to be eating every single food group in the same meal. And then the dessert, like you have to try the dessert. And then we get
the dessert and we don't like the dessert. It's not the dessert we would have ordered.
We taket. So now you give me a problem.
Years ago, a boyfriend gave me a spa trip to Canyon Ranch in the Berkshires, but you had to use it during the next couple of months, and it had to be used like between a Monday and a Thursday. Like, now you've give me a problem. Years ago, jay Z sean Carter because it said the Carters gave me a truffle. It was in a white like the small version of a Chinese soup container, like the small clear one. Just a truffle and it was on top of some white raw rice like I guess it keeps it moist or
hydrated or whatever. So and I was before Thanksgiving. It was for Thanksgiving, like happy Holidays from the Carters. And it was a truffle and it was so freeing and it was amazing. But we were going out of town. I'm like, no, I don't have a chet. What am I doing with this truffle? Like I'm going out of town? So it's like, am I going to carry this truffle on the plane to wherever I am bring it to? It's a fucking problem. I got ninety nine problems, and a truffle ain't one, but it is.
It is.
I got nice eighty nine problems into truffle is one. So then we went to another restaurant. We ordered a steak.
It was another night.
It was a couple of nights after we don't only eat steak. But for whatever reason, this was this is another restaurant, and we love the steaks. We got the steak, and we got this salad and a similar situation, and then we got this big pasta and it's like, what are we all doing?
What are we doing?
Now? This pasta is going to sit there. We took two bites. We weren't in the mood for pasta because we can afford to buy basta. It's one of the things I've worked hard for at this restaurant. If we want any of these items, if we wanted them, they were there on the menu, we could eat them like we could have them. We could have it. I could swing the seventeen dollars for the pasta. We didn't want it, so now it came one bite. It wasn't even we
didn't want it. So I was like what And we were paying for the bill, So let's just do this. We're paying for the bill. Give us you want to give us, somebody give us a discount. Sometimes it happens too that another table they want to send you a drink, but I see that you're not drinking, right, What are we doing? A drink is three dollars, like maybe it's seven dollars. I don't know how much a drink is. We could get our own drink, like now it's an obligation.
This table four tables away. They look over. Did they not accept the drink? We didn't accept the drink because want and a Why didn't accept the drink? Because I could get my own drink And I'm not trying to be me And it's just like you offered us a drink, offer me like you know, a wallet, something like different, like a makeup bag.
I don't even need that.
I get those a lot too, but like offer something that we like don't. When I buy someone a gift, it's usually something that they don't already have or they wouldn't buy themselves. So if you're sending me a gift in the restaurant, it should be like here we sent over and this is a smart thing.
This is what restaurants do.
You want to kiss somebody's ass, give them a fifty dollars gift card costs you nothing. They're gonna use it there, so here and it makes you come back. So you know what we see you've ordered, but the owners wanted to give you a fifty dollars gift card towards next time you're here.
You'll fucking be You'll you'll have to go.
That's giving them a problem too, because you'll have to go and change your whole vacation plans next year you have to go back to this restaurant. But it's something that feels like it's of value, right, or like we have taken twenty five percent off of your bill. The
owners wanted to just thank you for coming. But I don't need more food at a food restaurant where food is available, Like if I'm in a cave stranded, yes, send me over the pasta, I'd love it, or the steak or the carpaccio or the tartar or the weirdest thing on your menu. But if I'm in the very restaurant that gave me the scroll in the book that I get to read and order what I want, trust and believe. If there's something else I want on here, I'll get it. If there's a drink I want to get,
I'll get it. Now you're giving me an extra drink. I have to order to be polite, go over, say hello to you.
Now I'm doing it.
Appearance I don't want it. I don't want it. I want it's like anything else.
I want the.
Food for free, or I'll choose what I want. I don't want these bizarre in betweens. That's why I don't borrow. I don't borrow from designers, because you know what. They send you something, you get to wear it, you send it back. I feel like a loser. Oh thank you. I'm so grubby and desperate that you're sending something to my house. I'm gonna look through it and I'm gonna wear it. I'm giving it back.
Absolutely not.
You send something into this house, you never see it again. Okay, you send it through the mail. I could give it away, I could paint in it. It's not coming back, So don't send me.
I don't want it.
I don't want to borrow anything. I don't want to borrow your man and I don't want to borrow your dress. And I don't want to borrow your necklace. I'm buying or I'm taking period. Give it, send it over here. It is free game. Also, they send you something over then you gotta get it altered. You altered it to yourself. You're giving it back, double degrading. I am not a borrower. Ask anyone, Ask anyone. I remember Christian Siriano, they gave me a yellow dress. He said, keep it. One time?
One time did I borrow? I mean from my oscar to the rent it because it was last minute for an event that I didn't know I was going to. But it's it's like that is like that's as rare as an apocalypse, like that that doesn't happen.
So yeah, you say.
And also a Cadillac sends something into the driveway for me to look at it, and I didn't even like that. You send and Bronco, Bronco, I have multiple Broncos. Bronco wanted to send a car for here for a month. What what do I get to, like, have sex with your husband from and then give him back. I don't want either of those things. I don't want to Bronco. You send a Bronco on my driveway, I'm keeping it. That's it. Don't send it. I don't even want all this shit too. Let's talk about all the shit in
my house. It has become a situation where I don't want to go out of town.
I come home. Is all the shit? How do they have my address?
Because the same pr companies are sending it, and I've sent to them all. I don't want it. I don't want it. If I want it, I'll tell you I want I don't want it. I don't want any of the shit. So I went out one night with someone and we accidentally ordered the same appetizer. I'm never gonna get over that. I don't care if we just met, if we're sleeping together, if we're best friends, if you're my child, I'm sitting at dinner with you, We're not ordering the same thing.
That's bizarre.
And whenever I see couples that get the same entre, like Valentine's Day and they both got the same entre unless there are three things on the menu, it's like a preface. I look at them like, wow, you must really hate each other, Like how are you not sharing the thing? And then trying something else? I don't understand it. It was an accident. Maybe the guy wasn't paying attention to what I ordered, but he ordered the same thing as I did.
What are you fucking talking about?
Like we could share it, you could have half of mine, like or take a bite, Like you're gonna order the same thing that means we're getting like no sample size of this restaurant. Like there's all this choice and we're both.
Getting the same thing. Like I'm okay, I'll sacrifice what I got.
I'll get some something less desirable to me to not have what you're having. I'll have what she's having that died with Harry met Sally. No, you won't have what I'm having. I fucking said at first, you're not getting it. Get something else, figure it out.
Absolutely not. You're a sociopath? Are you crazy? What?
I'll never go out with you again. You got the same thing as I did. We didn't even have a meeting about it. This is weird. This will never work. It's either like this will never work or I want a divorce. Like if someone after years of being with me, ordered the same thing as I did, I'd be like, wow, we are not in a good place. And someone who I just met up being like, hey, I like the whatever what were you thinking? What were you thinking? What
are you thinking? Brennan and I we have a meeting the way, what are you thinking?
What do you like? Okay? You make some deals? I like this, you like that?
What even if I'm with ten people, I told you guys on the Housewives, I was the one who always ordered for everyone. What does everybody definitely want? Let's throw that into the mix. So I want the frying calin Mari, I want this, okay. So those are definitely happening, you guys. Those are your ride or dies and the rest are like, no, we don't. It's fine, it's a flow. I'm like, okay, cool, it's a flow. Same thing with Britain, Like what do we She's like, well, I really want them iron that
and it's a negotiation, Like but okay. But then she's like, well, how did I get this and you get that?
And we split that? Mmm okay, Like that's what I undered. That's a bit.
Let's like running a restaurant culinary business like of ordering. So we can try more, we can blanket more of the surface. Like here's how we'll go.
We sit down.
She's like, oh, I like the Barada. I'm not feeling Barada. The chops says. She's like, okay, all right, the CHOP's out. I could do that, like it's a negotiation. Okay, But now I got to get her back on the main. So she's like, I'm not in the mood for scallops tonight. She made that very clear a couple of times, like I wanted the scalps badly, I'm not in the mood.
Okay, fine, then what do you want to do? What do you want to do? What do you want to do? Fine? You told me what you didn't want. Put something into the table, put your chips up. What do you want?
So she's like, all right, but I would split the steak of the roast chicken. But the roast chicken we could eat it all. Like, I feel like we're not getting resticken. I don't eat lamb at home, pork whatever. The slice steak, I make it home, but not as much. I'm like, all right, fine, fine, okay, no problem. She's like, I really don't want the chili robbed. I'm like, okay, no problem, we can get the regular steaks. Negotiation. What about the sides? The sides spinach of the broccolini. I
could rather the broccoli, no problem. You know why because I chose the salad and.
She didn't want this. Guy like, it's a negotiation. Same thing with the dessert.
Yeah, So fucking sociopaths order like duplicate meals.
I'd rather be home alone,