This is Brack.
We've spoken to him before. I don't like the term life coach, but that's what he is. But it's sort of like a term that gets shade because it seems like sort of faux spiritual, touchy feely, weird, seminar ish.
But Brack is actually a life coach. He's the real deal.
I'm almost trained myself to kind of listen to what people aren't saying, right, but you know that that's what's behind the scenes, so that I can so that I can direct people in a really clear way of kind of are they doing the right thing with the right person in the right situation.
Because they're presenting to you off of what they want you to hear, but you're seeing what is I'm listening to.
I'm listening to what they're not saying. A lot of times that makes sense. Yeah, So I think that's probably a good, probably a good you know, entree to the conversation.
So a lot of these young girls that are you know on my page, they're going through breakups, they're dating, they're hooking up, they're navigating all of it. And from the book the Rules to even the dating coach saying it's you're the CEO, to the matchmakers, lean into your feminine energy to all of this.
To Christian Gray, all.
Like you can easily say don't play games, and you can easily say you should play games. Like where do you stand on some version of a gamification or strategy but not like what it should be, what it really is the fact that we're all you know, people want things they can't have, People want to have sex with the person they can't have. There can't not be a game in a strategy, but there can't only be a game in a strategy. So what is the answer to all of that? Are things just going to end up
the way they're supposed to do? Or could you literally not end up with your life partner because you didn't play enough of a game and he ended up with someone else or she ended up with someone else.
I mean, I love this conversation just because.
You are a big player. You are a big player, so you've seen both sides of it. You've seen commitment, meaningful commitment and meaningful fucking.
Around, absolutely right, So I love the conversation just because people keep trying to create logic where logic doesn't exist or consistency. A lot of times rather than deal with the contradictions that life really is. And so someone can say to you, you're too tolerant of the situation, and then the next sentence they can say you're not tolerant enough, and both both statements are true on some level, depending
on the situation. So the same thing is true with like, oh, you have to have some sort of strategies that work out, and at the same time, it's got to be spontaneous, right, you know, so all of those contradictions to your saying someone's playing has to play games or they have to do something, you know, in order to kind of get their ball across the goal line, and at the same time like no games. Both of those statements at some point are absolutely valid, right, And depending on what's appropriate
to the situation, the statement is valid. So it's not just unilateral like this is the only way to think, or this is the only way to be. It's like I think when you're really creative and healthy, you're you're using all kinds of skills and tools and different things, and they could look contradictory, and yet there they're also serving the situation in a powerful way. So yeah, so I think that all of those things like I do I lean in, do I back off? Do I do
I collaborate? Do I diffuse? Do I initiate? Do I lead? All of those are elements that you need to have, tools that you need to have to be effective in whatever the situation requires, as opposed.
To right like anything like anything else, you can't It doesn't sound like the most bizarre analogy ever, like they make. They have divorce agreements and custody agreements that people really lean into the letter of the law, but then all of a sudden, there's some weird loophole about what holiday falls on what day, and then you realize you're gonna have eleven days in a row with your kid and it might not be fair to the other parent. It
wasn't written into the agreement. The spirit of the agreement is to be there for the kid, but you have to use some adult logic back and forth and how to be flexible with it. And if someone can't, they're going to suffer and it's going to fail. So you're saying like you could take one thing from a book of the rules and one thing from you and a
life coach and a dating coach. But then in the moment you have sex with some of the first ten minutes because you've never been more attracted and you could still end up married to them.
Might not be the ideal thing to do, but life happens.
And all those rules like Okay, I'm gonna have sex, it's I'm gonna wait three months before I have sex, right, you know, And I'm not saying anything about mine, but mostly you know, I mean, you know, I I remember and Mike feel probably hate this story, but I remember picking up our first date with Jen and I'm picking her up and and I said, where's your overnight bag? And She's like, what the hell? I said, I said, where's your overnight bag? She says, are you crazy? I said,
I'm just gonna. I'm just telling you, you're gonna want an overnight bag. You're not using my toothpaste, my tooth bust and my toothpape. Yeah yeah, So and so her roommate was really funny. She goes, maybe you're gonna maybe you should take your overnight bag, right, And so we did. We had sex the first night. I'm sure mother would hate this story and genlemen, but but the point is
is that we've been together thirty four years. So it's got a function of you know, when and what and when people find strategize that you know, someone can have sex, you know they're gonna wait three months and then the next day the person leaves. So it's never about you know, timing, and it's about communication. It's about relationship. It's about the sensibilities match. You know that you kind of want the
same thing. I mean, I don't necessarily think, you know, marriage is supposed to go the distance, and some people, you know, they do go that, they do go the distance. But I mean that's why every seven years, you know, you kind of review to see how we're still in the same page. Do we still want the same things? No, we still have the same philosophical sensibilities.
Wow. Yeah.
But then some people get to a certain age and they're pot committed. I mean, I hear that a lot with a lot of friends, like they're in this They've got this partner. It's not perfect, but some other schmuck's going to have some other problems and they're pot committed, you know. And I find that a lot of men that I meet, there's a thing going on with men that I'm meeting in their fifties that I've.
Seen across the board.
First of all, I've said before and here, I've seen a lot of fifty men in their fifties who have full custody of their kids because there was some sort of agreement in their household. It seems like the woman wanted the life, wanted the money, the man worked hard. These dynamics were set, and then the woman is bored because it's sounded good on paper, and they're out partying and they're wanting purpose, they don't have it. They're drinking,
they used to be hot, and they spin out. They get really they get addicted to something and they end up sucking their lives up and losing custody because they're trying to find their own things. So that's one dynamic. It's not that extreme because I met three men who had full custody their kid and I was shocked.
Okay, because that's just.
Another thing that happens is men saying, like, I'm a very involved dad, Like they want the extra cookie, they're over compensating, they have to be super dad, and like they can't breathe in, they can't balance. They don't have the work life balance that people always ask women about because they like can even be with their kids and do nothing else, or their kids aren't with them, and then they can do everything and party, and like they can't mix the two. They have this weird thing that
no one talks about. And the third dynamic that I've noticed is that men at a certain age, no matter how much money they have, no matter whether they've made, matter whether they've gotten it on their own or they found it or they sold companies or whatever, no matter how much money they have, when faced with a successful woman or not, they have this like later mid life crisis where they just they're still healthy, they're still young enough in their mind, and they have something to prove.
They have to do it again, or they have to make it big, or they're the emperor. They had no clothes, like all these things I'm seeing in men that are not something that I would have seen dating forty year old when I was thirty two. It's like something happening in like like fifties and sixties.
Well, I mean, first of all, were we're living a lot longer. You know, you're hearing so much. Okay, he's just lived to one hundred. He'd lived to one hundred and fall, right, So so adolescence has gotten completely extended.
Right, So that's why I'm saying it's a mid life crisis later and.
It's like, you're now fifty, you know, fifty is you know you're still a kid? Yes? I mean I had, but.
You didn't think that when you were young. You wanted to be at X place. When you're a fifties you thought you'd be soon retiring. And then you're there, You're like no, oh yeah, like yeah that's why.
Okay, yeah, I got another I got another fifty years right to do this? So what am I going to do with all this time?
Right?
So it's it's changed dramatically. I had one of my clients he went out with young they went out with like I think there's like three couples and and two of the couples were much younger. And he's very successful and he's older and has you know, has a good deal of money. And he and they split the l split the bill. Right when I went to dinner and I said, are you out of your mind? And he said, what are you talking about? I said, first of all,
you need to be generous more. You've got more, you've got more resources, got more access, you know, you should pick that up. They're much younger than you are, right, And he said, well, I just thought we were all out together. You're not the same age. You are not the same age, and you think you are, but you're not. And then you finally realize, oh, he's trying to be younger,
he's trying to do something in a certain way. So there's all these different elements that are taking place, right, and you know all that, As I said, the traumas come into play. So if your father didn't take care of you in the same way he wasn't there, you're going to maybe be overcompensate and be there, you know, for your child in a way that's you know, way
over compensated, right. And and so those traumas come into play all the time in terms of what you didn't get, you know, what you wish you had, and then what you're going to try and correct and and part of that is evolutionary, right, and all of us. Part of that is reactive and and determining which is you know, which is which, and which is what you know, uh and and and what what's appropriate to the situation. And I think is really you know the game and and
you know what men are. Men are in a really interesting including myself, right, even though much older than fifty. Right, we're in a very different place and what's required of us is a very different situation, right and and and between the Me Too movement where women have got much stronger voice and there's there know you you know, there's not you can't excuse, you can't fuck with gas lighting,
you know women in the same way. So men are men, and their power and where they are and with a stand and their voice and who they are is in flux at this point, right and and uh, you know, it's a it's a it's an interesting time. I'm looking at because I have younger kids. I have a twenty year old son and an eighteen year old daughter. I'm looking at their relationships and how they are. They're much more fluid. They have a much more interesting, uh dynamic between their friends.
In terms of everything is or isn't.
Yeah, it's not so it's not so compartmentalized, right and defined, yeah and defined and uh and so I always see that that's true, that that the generation before, you know, kind of pioneer something and then someone else, the other generation gets a benefit of what has been pioneered, right, and uh, if I look at our this generation of people that's on the planet, everything's in question, like how you parent, you know, you know, satisfaction a career, what
you do you know, being a relationship. There's more and more and more scrutiny about everything that we do. Now we're unpacking all that stuff that was when it was happening in the fifties and the forties, it was just like this is the way it is. Now everything's in question, and so it makes it makes it, It makes it
for a very uncertain time. So you have to have have to have much more facility in uncertain times, like how can I be creative and inventive, you know with all the things that are moving on, you know between the you know climate, you know the global you know global crisis, climate crisis, and you know all the different fluctuations and that includes you know what you know, where do we where do we land as a gender? You know, given I'm no longer that you know or or what
my father was. So but I like the I like these kinds of situations. I like the breakdowns. I like the disruption.
Yeah, I mean, do you these are all these things as people say it's supposed to be hard.
It's not supposed to be that hard.
It's supposed to be pa you know, difficult, but it's not supposed to be painful. Like our relationships work in your estimation.
Yes, that's a that's a definitive. Yes, they requite. Now that doesn't mean that you have to have psychologue and people don't know the difference between you to talk.
About that because you're not supposed to be suffering. It's why I say, it's like you're stretching and yoga, but you're not in pain, so let's break like, so let's talk about that.
So discomfort like to you know, when my core confusions, discomfort and suffering are core confusion. You don't want to suffer because suffering is the resistance to any kind of real communication and what's going on. It's like, really, as a commentary on, I don't like that and I don't want that. So suffering is something discomfort is actually something that you're integrating. You know, you're creating with, you know,
you're you're generating. It's it's it's got, it's got. You know, suffering is more of a passive you're kind of like passively you get more passive a lot of times when you're suffering. You know, when you're uncomfortable, you'll be more generative. So so I think that that understanding that you know that that's there's no redeeming value in suffering at all.
Well, how does someone know if they're suffering or they're just they're just uncomfortable? What is suffering? They're not sleeping, they're depressed, Like, what's suffering?
What's I mean?
I think that if you're kind of internal complaint all the time about the way things.
Are and what chronic or cute.
Yeah, that's good, right, you know, and you're you're constantly you know, resisting something. You're mostly saying no to to to life in lots of different ways. Right, So it's like it's.
Not vibing with who you fundamentally are. You don't feel it's not sitting right, you're not digesting it.
Well, yeah, so I think that. But if you're at me is a relationship designed to suffer? No, that's not the context of it. Right. There's gonna be discomfort, there's gonna be challenges, there's gonna think, there's gonna be things, as you said, that you can't foresee or forecasts that come up that you have to collaborate on and figure out and work out. But there always has to be better times than worse times. That's kind of the deal, meaning got it.
Okay, that's good. That's good for people to know. Yeah, there always have to be better times than worse times.
Yeah, I mean and so and but if what's been familiar to you in your family of origin is to suffer and to have difficult times, a lot of times you replicate those by.
The way totally.
I think about like the enthusiasmin character on Curby Enthusiasm. It's like your fucking fat fuck Like I know friends that the way they speak to each other, like, oh, you're disgusting, I'm not sleeping next, Like they talk to each other like that, and it's sort of just like.
Their own language.
That one comment to me that was anything they say by nine o'clock on a Tuesday morning, I'd be out. So it's just like a different construct, different dynamic going on there. Yeah, and it might be that everybody's like just the baseline is different. They don't even it doesn't even mean the same thing as it means. They could take fifty pills and not feel anything like it's just different.
Yeah, so yeah, so I do. But do to your question, do I think it's there's work? Yes, But but you have to know, as I said before, what's evolving, what's gaining traction, what's spinning your wheels? And a lot of people don't have I have tools or critical thinking in terms of what's a conversation that really evolves, goes somewhere, builds something, And what's one of those that look like an acid trip you at eight hours and it just looks like, you know, you're just going over the same territory.
You're not getting anywhere. Yeah, and that's a great one. That's a definition of sanity.
And people really need to know the difference between an effective conversation and a conversation that really grows and develops and ones that's just the psychological isn't a psychological loop?
And that is so speaking to everyone what you're saying, like you're saying, you and I have a conflict.
We have something.
It could be recurring, it could be new, and you just want to get it off your plate, like you just we were talking about it, but you're just like talking about it because I want to talk about it it's bothering me. You want to get it off your plate, and it's not. That's not back to the thing about evolving. Evolving is like, let's you're feeling something. I'm feeling something. Let's go through this storm and figure out why and like get to the other side.
That kind of thing.
And the hardest thing that the hardest thing is for people to recognize when they're threatened, when they're in a reactive situation in an intimate relationship, shame in business, it's very hard, especially the subtle ones, especially in the shallow end of the pool. It's very difficult for people to recognize that they're threatened. And now they think they're having an intelligent conversation when they're having a conversation from fear or shame.
Give me an example of that.
Well, i'll give you an example. It just happened. So it's just happened with me. So as I had to get a colin Osky like a few days ago, right, four days ago, right, and so I was really I was really nervous about it. And I'm and I've had like five you know, he's kind of you know, so, and I was nervous, you know, and I'm not normally nervous about these things. So I was really nervous about it. And so I was coming after Jen a little bit.
I was coming after my wife, you know, with logic, and it seemed like logic cause I was thinking, but under the lying was this, you know this fear right okay, and and my and and so.
About that about something completely different. You just honor asked about something different.
Yeah, asked about something. It was like, you know, it wasn't big, but she said, what's really going on is what's really going on with you? Because this is not
what's going on with you? What is it? And then I just broke down and I said, you know, Richard, my very good friend, he died of stomach cancer like three months ago, and we had a we had we had a FaceTime the day before he died, and so and so I just had this super sphere like, you know, I'm gonna get this calling me and something's gonna something's gonna go right, And then I got to communicate what
was really there. It's a real conversation, right, and break down, and then she could take care of me, because you can't take care of someone when you're under attack. So you know, and that's a lot of times there's no way that I can take care of you if I'm if you're if I'm the one that's being attacked, right, so she could then reach out and take care of me and get me, you know, and I's fine. I
was kind of totally liberated. So those are So that's an example of a real, real conversation that's really going on as opposed to something else that looks logical or looks like something else. And people don't realize when they're threatened.
They don't realize that a react to state. And that's so essential because people keep having conversations and then people you know, I always think that you know that that that women listen literally in a lot of ways and men speak in abstract and you think it would just
be the opposite. So, you know, so if I'm having a conversation with Jen about something, she's going to listen literally like that, Oh, that's totally that's that's really what he's talking about, yes, right, when in fact I'm talking about something else. And that's including like dating and sex and a hundred other things. But that's a whole that's a bunch bigger.
That's very interesting.
That's very that's so true that you would think it would be the opposite. Yes, or well, one thing has been proven clear. Yet again, critical thinking is definitely at the top of your resume.
For sure.
This is amazing, really good, Breck Like, I love this. Wow, Okay, yeah, Brack, it's good.
It's good. It's good.
And the fact is that, like, I just want to say something about Breck like and my guests come on this rollercoaster because I literally there's no foreplay, there's no lube, and never is there something.
I never looked down at.
A piece of paper that the producers have thought maybe we'd want to talk about, or whatever the guest thought. We just get into a conversation and it goes for this long, It could go for five hours about just all the stuff that I hear from you guys, from your comments, from anything.
It's just wild.
So yeah, Breck, thank you for playing along because it just goes.
Do you like it?
I really love it. It's really fun. I mean, I mean so crazy, because you know, it's a It's like, you know, for us, we can never complain about the cold. So for some reason, my office a cold, so I'm just freezing but other than that, I've loved you. It's a fantastic conversation, right, It's.
Just it's also it's very creative because there's no planning. Ye, So all right, Well, love you, Breck, Thank you so much. That was awesome.