Why does it have to be five o'clock somewhere? I just want to know, why can't it be it's nine am somewhere I'm having a cocktail. I don't understand. People in Asia eat salmon for breakfast. They eat me so soup, they eate fried rice. Like sometimes I like pizza for breakfast. Sometimes I wake up and I'll want like chicken salad for breakfast. Why because it's my body, it's my choice.
I'm a grown woman. And who the funk said that eggs have to be for breakfast and that steak is not and the pizza can only happen after a sertain hour, But like after am, you're legal to eat lunch. Okay, So I don't understand why on vacation, I look around, I'm like, huh, okay, it's takacock. Those people are drinking cocktails. I like it, but only on vacation. Like why why
on vacation? I know, because you're not working, But like on Saturdays, I don't see people, uh in Connecticut just at ten o'clock in morning just blending up pina coladas instead of smoothies. And I don't I don't understand. Why not if you're not working. It's just a fucking smoothie with no alcohol with with a sorry. It's just a fucking smoothie at alcohol. So like I don't. I was on vacation, I was thinking, I want to have a margarite at any time I want. I'm a grown woman
who pays my own bills. Like, I'm gonna have a margarite at any time. It doesn't have to be any any clock, anywhere. It could be any time, nine o'clock in the morning, wake up at breakfast, May I have an egg white for Tata and a margarita was salt, please, thank you so much. Right at dinner, I'd like oatmeal and a Voka martini. Like, let's just do what we want. I just do not understand who decided alcohol was earlier.
And by the way, drinking until the wee hours of the morning and the night, like drinking until two three am, that's how to feel like ship the next day, drinking all day until five o'clock, having a gorgeous dinner and going to sleep like a baby. That sounds like a very healthy life style in comparison. So I just think we're all upside down. Let's start. Here's a good idea.
Let's start drinking at nine o'clock and quote unquote pregame, Let's go out to dinner and let's drink till three o'clock in the morning, wake up and fucking feeling like we want to kill ourselves. Or let's wake up at nine in the morning, have some eggs and bacon, start drinking cocktails and clothes shop at five o'clock. Yeah, it's five o'clock somewhere, so let's stop drinking. Let's have a nice night and go to bed. I don't know. They go one's fucking upside down, So I think this will
get me into trouble. I can't wait. The Hamptons are made up of a couple of factions. Locals out there, they call him bonnos. It has something to deal with like part of the Hampton's or like sabonic or they call them bonnos. Okay, that's like a derogatory word for like locals, you know what I mean. That's but they all say it, and I'm sure I'm gonna be canceled by the bonnox. But they all say like it's very bonnet, like it's a bonnic garage sale. Okay, locals very cool.
I know a lot of this faction. These are a lot of my friends. This is a good cruel cool. These are like fisherman people that go you know, dig clams, that teach surfing, that lived there all year, that run restaurants. These are the locals. Okay, there's a T shirt that
Aviator Nation made called Locals Only. The locals would never wear the fucking Locals only eighty eight dollar eight eight Nation Nation t shirt Only a douche bag that wants to be a local and spend time in the Hampton's more than like one day before Memorial Day and one day after Labor Day only those people would dare to wear Locals Only Aviator Nation Teacher T shirt. I digress. So Hamptons is made up of multiple groups, Locals, Wasps, and Jews, and the Wasps and Jews are equally as
whole Ish. And I'm going to explain why Wasps and Jews. No, I'm Jewish, my mother converted for my father, my uncle is a Rabbi. I just am not a practicing Geo. I'm culturally a Jew, and I grew up with Wasps and Jews. So I'm offending on both sides of this but I have a Jewish last name, so I'm going to take the Jewish ass whole card. And I'm more of a Jewish asshole than a waspy asshole. And as my ex fiance said, when his mother asked if I was Jewish, he said, well, she complains a lot, so
technically I guess I'm Jewish. But I went to Catholic school and was baptized and had a communion because my stepfather was Christian, so I really i've I went to St. Agnes six and seventh grade. I went to Old Westbury School the Holy Child eighth grade, so I really can comment on all of this. But the Jews come out to the Hamptons and go to expensive lobster salad for a hundred dollars a container, proprietors and fucking buy out the place, the whole entire place, on Friday and then
have their housekeepers throw it out on Sunday. That summarizes the Jews in the Hamptons. Okay, the Jews are are like all over the fucking reservations at the hottest restaurants, like they're not playing around. They need the rest resid ovations.
The Wasps are just living in like a different and the Jews are like plastic surgery and don't seem like they should be out in the Hamptons because they're so pulled and tucked and the star wars bar and like it's so such a juxtaposition because the Hamptons is like farm and beach and like free and it's the most beautiful place that like assholes have ruined myself, I guess
included um. But the the assholes have sort of ruined the Hamptons, but the Hampton's wants it because they're getting the business, and the locals need the Hampton's assholes business in the summer to make the world go round. So that's that asshole and the locals truth let r and assholes. They could just be a little angry because of the Jews and the wasps that come in the summer and fucking override this place. Okay, And it's more summer than
other places. The Hamptons is more year around now, which is great, but there are other places like the Cape, which is more year round. Nantucket is a different version of person that's like just you know, a very white, wealthy place, just different. I could talk about that after I go to Nantucket but I alread know it. But we're talking about the Hampton's assholes. Now. It's different, different
different assholes are in different vacation places. But the wasps are mostly in South Hampton, some are in East etcetera. The wasps are more concerned with the alcohol of the Hampton's than the food. And there's just like a lot of like a lot of polo, a lot of tennis, a lot of like Lilly Pulitzer, who's a wonderful person and designer who I owned some of the pieces because
I'm half an asshole too. But the waspy assholes are about the tennis, and you know, they're from old money and they're from like it's a different level in South Hampton, and they're like real old school rich and have those original Hampton's names. They don't have the fuck you Jewish asshole money. They don't. They're not the billionaires the billionaires of the Jewish assholes, but they have a lot of money and it's like more you know, really old money names.
You know, it's a whole mixed bag. But there are just two types of assholes and they're can earned with very different things, but they do cohabitate and that's what happens in the summer in the Hampton's just a bunch of assholes. And then there are like Coachella, like I'm
wearing fringe Montalk assholes. These are people that like are only in the Hampton's to go to Montalk and do like Coachella, burning man like like hats that are like I don't know why they're felt because it feels wintry, but they're felt and they have like a little feather in the side. And these are young people who are into music and really free as a burden natural, but they'll pay twenty five dollars a glass of rose and Montalk. They have their own faux spiritual bag of bullshit. It's
just a different bag of bullshit there. You know, rich people that pretend they're sort of living off the land, listening to Montalk music and super earthy and at the Surflage and you know, just being very local at Rushmeier's and you know, just just just don't want anything to do with the rich Jews that go to Bill Bouquet and pay forty dollars for a side of argola or the wah supposed to go to that think it's the Meadow Club and where Lily Peeltzer and really do hang
out on their own streets. So the Jews zone, the Jews zone, the Jews zone each East Hampton, that's their turf. It really is. You can you could deal your drugs on other turf, but like the Jews only Stampton. The Wasps owned Southampton. Bridge Hampton is like a hybrid. Sag Harbor used to be more like charming and intimate and some some Wasps go there, but like the Jews took that over to They fucking took that ship right over and um Fox spiritual musically inclined, wealthy hedge fund surfers,
they migrated to Montalk. So that's basically break. And then there's like a there's some people in West Hampton and Quag which, um it's just a different, it's a different, it's not you can't really you can't really say. I think maybe more Italians in West Hampton, but I don't know, not an expert. And Quags like sort of a subtle purgatory hybrid Hampton that is probably more year round, such as the Black