Just B Dating: Compatibility, Vibes, and Attraction

think you're interesting? Are you? Am I excited by what you're saying? Am I excited about by the products you have? Am I excited by the partnership? Okay? That's the that's the chemistry. Okay, then we need desire, like commitment. Do you want to do this? Are you in the same boat? Are you on the same page. Someone could be like they say breadcrumbing you where they're giving you little bits, where they're asking for booty call, but you want to

get married. That's not the same page. In business, it could be like someone basically wants to take a business and they want to turn it in eighteen months. They want to cash out. You want to build a legacy business that you could pass on to your kids. You think your idea is good enough, that's not a compatibility fit. There are a thousand examples, but you're picking up what I'm putting down. Then energetic are you on the same energetic wavelength? Meaning do you vibe well with this person

or your like patterns aligned? So if you're vibing with someone in a relationship. I vibe with certain people more than others. And I have been in serious relationships where I care about and love the person, and or I trust them and I think they're loyal, but I don't vibe with them like they want to go to bed early, I want to stay out late. They don't burst and then relax. They're constantly at like a slow burn all the time. They're extremely structured. They like the same thing

every day. I don't like that. I want to go then I want to retreat, Like that's the vibe, that's the energy, And that has to happen in business too. Do you have a business partner that's gonna be like, let's fucking go right now, it's go time. We will sleep when we're dead. Pros play hurt, but then when it's calm, be like, all right, we all need a work retreat. Everyone needs to relax. I'm staying home, I'm

getting a massage. You know, I need a break. Some people energetically want to be working twenty four hours a day. Some people energetically want a work life balance. They need to be home for their kids. They need to be at every single recital. They want to be doing pick up and drop off. It's all okay, but you need

to know before you get into business with someone. Business compatibility is equally as important as relationship compatibility, and it doesn't mean in either case it has to be the same. You don't have to be looking for someone exactly like you. But if you are going to go burst, is that person gonna then pick up the slack when you're bursting, you know, meaning they're gonna balance you out. They're gonna

be the yin to your yang. And the same thing in relationships, like you're gonna be the star, they're gonna be the rock. You're gonna be nuts. They can handle it nuts, they're gonna balance you out. Same thing in business. You're gonna have one person that's operations, logistics, strategy, a little more weeds, little less sexy. The other person's the visionary, the creator, the connector, the alive one, the person with

all the ideas, the rainmaker. That would be me, for example. Now, I'm very organized and I can deal with the other part, but I can't get bogged down in weeds. I have the idea. I know what we should do, I know where we should go, I know everything about it, and I know even how we're gonna get there. I could give them the map. Someone else has to sit there and look at the map and drive the boat and make sure we get there. That's what I'm talking about

about business compatibility. I believe that this is the true timeline of dating cycles. Okay, you're gonna have to listen to me, because I go on social media. I listen to these girls in their twenties and their thirties. They don't know what the fuck they're talking about. They just don't have enough institutional knowledge. I don't care if it's twenty twenty four or if you're holding a fucking club in bedrock wearing a pelt. Okay, these things are true.

I do believe. I've always believed ninety days three months is when you know if you're off to the races or not. Like this, is when you have swum between Cuba and Florida. You are halfway and you're like, are we going to continue this thing or are we going back? Okay, it doesn't mean you're definitely imprinted. It also depends upon the dynamic. Have you seen the person once or twice a week? Are you seeing them all the time? A

lot of things factor in. But if you are connected and you are really dating someone and you're both intentional about that with the same goals, after three months, you will know we got a real fucking shot at this thing, or we probably don't, and it can be a time to reframe and redefine. Okay, and number two, I believe that the first gauntlet is six weeks. In the very beginning, both people are literally like dogs in the dog parks, sniffing each other. They don't know. You don't know what

you get, the pheromones, you get the oxytocin. In the beginning, you think there's an attraction, but there is a lot to work out, depending upon what age you are. But it could be religion, it could be location, It could be family, It could be blending. It could be kids, it could be parents, It can be jobs, lifestyles, a person's a player. You're not you know, bier rhythms. It could be a thousand things. Okay, it takes you at least six weeks to even know if you know how

to walk together. You're like toddlers, like you can't, you're not even like you don't even know what you're doing yet. But once you hit like six weeks, you're like, all right, we got a live one. We got a live one. It's like in television production when you're like, we might

have a show. You don't definitely have a show, but you know at a certain point if you might have a show and it's never a day and it's never a weekend, it's like a couple, you know, it's like six weeks and you're like, I think we might have a show. That's what it's like with dating. If you're like I said, intentional and you know what's going on. It's also a time you don't want to be crazy, but where you want to somewhat define. Three months is

a real definition. Six weeks is a somewhat definition. It's like, are we even going to get up to the starting line? You know what I mean? Like, that's what I think, And here's another thing I'm gonna tell you guys that you gotta listen to. If you are dating someone and you're trying to train them now, they may not need training or polish. They may seem like they need training or polish because they too are scared and insecure and

they're sizing you up. Also, you are in the kingdom in the jungle, either one and both of you are animals sizing each other up. And we're always in our own heads thinking we're the only one sizing the other person up and we're the only one insecure. I have learned it as equal. So both people are in their own heads, maybe talking to their friends, different reasons, sizing the other person up. Okay, here's a key that you

must remember. You need to know if this person can be trained and can be what you want them to be, because the last thing you want to do is be on this road for nine months, fall for someone, and then you find out. So you have to find the delicate balance between letting someone know what you want and need without seeming like a psychopath. It's like I want to be married like a crazy person. Okay, you have

to find the delicate balance. And here's what I say if something is not making you feel good, now you don't just walk. I've said before, like get out of it. Something may not be making you feel good because someone else is also insecure. They have their own reasons or patterns that you are not a mind reader. People do not come with batteries included. You can't just take the remote out and make them a robot. They've lived their own grown ass life, been raised by their own grown

ass parents, had their own grown ass dysfunctional childhood. So you can't expect them to be what your brain is telling you. They're supposed to pay, they're supposed to open the door, they're supposed to do this, they're supposed to ask me this. This is a script you wrote that they didn't sign. They don't know that, they didn't read. They don't know anything about it, just like you don't

know what they want. I've been told things by people, have data to been like, wait, what you cared about that? I didn't fucking know. Okay, So if someone's doing something that you don't like, not by text, you find a way to communicate that without being too aggressive. But here's the kicker, here's the most important thing. You have to balance letting someone else know how interested in them you

are without being desperate. It's a confidence. It's like a confidence to say, Hi, I got this, Like Hi, I'm into you. But there's a butt. But make no mistake, I'm not saying you're saying this. You may say this at some point you're at you are being this. Make no mistake. If I'm not getting what I need out

of this relationship, I will walk. So it is a little bit like a business like meaning you're in something with someone and you are so into them, and you want them to know how into them you are, so you can diffuse some of their insecurity. You want them to feel safe, but you also want them to feel equally unsafe if they're not treating you properly, meaning I am so into you that like it hurts, but I will also walk if I'm not treated like the prize that I am, and like the prize that I'll treat

you like. So it's a fine line and there's a confidence to it, and you know it because you hear it in my voice. And that's something I've always been good at. That's how I've gotten what I've wanted in relationships or saved. So much time by being like, look, remember I think I told you a long time ago the story about the guy that like just kept saying like, well, I don't want to commitment. I'm like, no problem, And

he wasn't evolving. The relationship wasn't moving forward. I don't do two steps forward three steps back, Like, I don't do that. I'll do two steps forward to a quarter, you know, one in three quarter steps back like maybe we make some mistakes kind of, but I need to be moving forward and evolving, and I'll tell someone that. It's like if I don't do like no, and people are attracted to confidence in relationship, like they're attracted to

knowing what you want without seeming like a psychopath. That's a crying that you want to be engaged by spring. It's not that it's the right balance so you are confident and secure, and it's people will be completely into it. Here's another thing. Someone could be a piece of coal and become a diamond as long as the intention is there, as long as you've said like if someone, if someone's communicated to you that they're opened for business, you can

constructively criticize them, constructively give them notes. I like to say notes if you find that they don't make the same mistake twice if they take the note. It really doesn't matter if there are ten thousand mistakes, because you'll work on them. If it's the same type of mistake in another form, that's not good. But like, you don't need to be bored. You don't need a fucking Rubik's cube. It as all the sides lined up when you meet them.

It's okay to be a work in progress. If the intention is there, and your intention is there too, you're gonna do the work too. That's kind of a great relationship because that's a good business relationship too. It would never be perfect. It's not a robot, So I think that's great. Like, we want somebody to be perfect in

the beginning, but that's just too much to ask. And haven't you been in a relationship where someone seemed perfect in the beginning because you had rose colored glasses, and then the wheels start coming off because you idealized who they were and you expect them to live up to that original perfection. I'd rather you know someone's polished and flawed but has intention and is willing and wants to

do the work in the relationship. That's to me, the best combination that I really like because it means someone It's like someone working on a business. It means they want it. Another thing I talked to my therapist about is reframing things. When you're younger, you have these ideals about what it has to be. Let's just say you meet someone, you're dating them, and like you've decided what the relationship has to be. Doesn't have to be with who you're dating now, it could be with an X.

You've hated your ex. You guys aren't speaking. That's what That's what you've determined. What if it evolves. What if it becomes a situation where you don't hate your ex, where like it's only positive, you don't think negative thoughts. It's a person that you could call around the holidays, and you're reframing it because it just opens things up to be different. You could reframe how you think about a parent that abused you, like it could be for yourself.

You could just hate them and have such a toxic relationship to it. Or you could reframe it where you're going to put it, put it in a different drawer, reorganize it, talk to someone about it to let it breathe, and it opens yourself up to so much more possibility in different situations. I've had people that I've dated that people around me want to know what it is because, as my therapist said, certainty prevents anxiety, but it's kind of a myth meaning it's like fool's gold. We want

to know what this is. I've spent this time with this guy, I've seen met his family. I'm doing this. We went a vacation, we did that, We did that. Everybody around me is asking when don't we get engaged? When is this happening? You want a definition, not only for yourself but for other people, and it's trapping and that definition will eliminate certain anxiety because it's giving you an answer, but it could create other anxiety because you're

forcing an outcome before an outcome is possible. Like what if you meet someone, you love them, you're attracted to them, it's going great, but what if something comes up that that might not work for you? You don't want to just jam it, to jam certainty to try to alleviate anxiety. Same thing even with a job, an opportunity, a friendship, a sport, whatever it is, like you have to let things breathe and reframe them and keep reframing them so

you open yourself up to possibility. It's really hard. When I was younger, I never understood, just like dating, what it would mean to like or just being with someone in not knowing the outcome, and then we give ourselves different things. Oh but I'm thirty seven. I can't be dating someone right now unless I know I'm having a kid, and then you're trapping yourself. I can't do this unless

i know that he's gonna convert because I'm Jewish. Like, what if you're having an experience, being present, being in the moment, being very Buddhist about it, and instead you're trying to trap it, and then you eliminate the fun you could have with this person for a chapter, maybe you meet someone else through this person, you know. Being my age, Oh, I'm this age and I can't I've said this to myself sixty times, like in my life at different stages. Oh well, at this age, I can't

waste time. It's times it's okay, like it's not to be wasted where you're sitting on your couch smoking pot. But if you're having an experience and you're happy and you're being positive, and you're evolving as a person. Don't try to crowd and trap what everything needs to be, whether it's work or dating or anything. Don't give yourself that kind of pressure. Reframe it. It could be even parenting. You could be a perfect parent at a certain times,

so involved doing everything, sowing every costume go. Then you could be a selfish parent. Your kid is fine, they're safe, they're thriving at school, they're thriving. You're there for them when they need you, But you want to fucking do some shit for yourself. It's all okay. It's a reframing and a rebalancing, and it will be very liberating. I am literally happier than I've ever been in my life. I would say I don't know why. I do know why.

I'm just living truthfully. I'm being present, I'm in the moment and it's working. So I always want to pass it on to you. Let's talk about how men grieve a relationship versus how women grieve. I've seen this time and time again. Okay, break up, serious relationship, gutting, devastating decision has been made. Off to the races. You'll have relapses. Both parties might have relapses. It's very hard to exit. It's like exiting, you know. It's the worst possible thing.

It's like a divorce, it's a death. Great. Here's what happens. Men desensitize, compartmentalize. They think they've got it. They've got big, swinging dicks. They've been with the same person, presumably they haven't been cheating for a while. They've been eating the same fricking flavor every night. And they have guys around them who are either married and living by carry so

they fucking dude, go get laid. Or guys who are actually getting laid and need to justify it and want to party and maybe the old guy at the club or just out doing what they want, living the selfish lifestyle, okay, Or they're married and they're cheaters and they need a person to come be with them. Men go out. They take that bait. They want to prove to themselves, to their other guy friends and to their ex that they can get laid. Any man can get laid anytime, anywhere.

Any person can get laid, and they want a flex, and they often will want to go with someone younger, someone younger, someone hot, or someone more stupid, someone that's gonna listen to your bullshit, someone that seems so much more interesting. And then they eat the same flavor. They eat different versions of ice cream. One days it's vanilla sprinkles, the next day it's chocolate, the next day it's the next one. They go out and they're having fun. They're

fucking lit up. Maybe they're not used to drinking this much. They get Sunday scaries, they get a little depressed, they get the wings. They get back to work. They focus on work. They're thriving, they're working out. Their abs are cut, their biceps are bicepping. They're thrilled. Then they get sick of the buffet. The buffet becomes tiring. They've seen it. It looked so good when you walked up. You ever go up to the buffet, looks so good when you

walk up. Twenty minutes later, you've got like the dressing on top of fruit. They're on enough plates. You don't know where to dispose of it. You want to start over. You fucked up your whole plate. Doesn't matter whether you're at Sizzler or the Mandarin Oriental two hundred dollars caviare and sushi infested buffet. It's the same thing. You get sick of it. You're like, get me out of here. I don't want this fucking buffet. I'm disgusted. I just

want like simple scrambled eggs and a piece of rye toast. Okay. That's when they start looking back at the X or they just start feeling defeated. They don't know what to do. They start fantasizing about their their past relationship. They've now become a little depressed. It's sort of like the way the guys got in wedding crashers, where like they did it. It was so exciting. They were banging chicks. Then they got sick of the weddings. It looked depressing. They were

moving towards funerals. It was really not a good look. That's how men grieve. Then they want to go back. They missed the X that they want the normal They want the normalcy. That's when the husbands that were married to the same boring wife that's doing pick up and drop off in soccer and fricking gatorade and class snacks and pta. They then want this person back because it's a semblance of order. Men don't know how to do

anything for themselves. It's somebody who cares. It's somebody who's there when you're sick, when you're snotting, when you're disgusting. Who's giving you sympathy, when you're hungover, who's making you the food, Who's taking care of it? Then men hit their low. Women are the opposite. Women come out. They hit their low right away. They smashed directly into a brick wall. It's the ice cream, it's first. It's the weight loss. It's the crying. It's the not eating. It's

the telling anyone who will listen. It's the drinking during the day. It's the drama. It's the personality. You're break up being your entire personality. It's hard to function. You're crying, your eyes are swollen, it's hard to work. Everyone knows about it. You have a circle of friends. You just go in the round, rob and talk to anyone who

will listen. Maybe you do some therapy. You are going in circles, okay, and then you slowly, like a bird pecking out of the shell, just like slowly start pecking your beak from the inside, like, Hi, are you there? God? It's me Margaret wanting some daylight. You start moving towards feeling a little better. You're going out. You're crying, but you're out at dinner with other people. You're talking about it. You're meeting someone one night, you might meet a handsome guy.

You might make the mistake of telling the handsome guy about your ex because you're still a rookie. But you're you're in the game. You start it. You decide it's a good idea to start working out for rebellion for yourself. Now, all of a sudden, you're a person that works out, and your ex never saw you work out, just like the guy that you were in the relationship but that also broke up with you, that's now working out all of a sudden, his corvette and his biceps, of his personality.

But now you start working out. You also decide you want a different style. You might want a different hairstyle. You're kind of a different person. You're more social, you do things you wouldn't. You're the fun girl friend. You're fun, and then you fucking become a peacock. You are done. You are having the glow up of your whole fucking life. So at the same time that this woman who is eating the ice cream, begging, And it's actually better to be the woman because the woman is like sort of

still a little desperate. In the beginning, you're still sort of maybe even begging. You may want to get back together, even though you know it's wrong. You're still fantasizing your relationship. You're eating the ice cream. You're just kind of a little bit of a loser. You know you're a loser. You pray that one day you won't look at your phone, you won't look at the text, you won't pray for it, you won't wonder you know what's wrong with your phone, you won't beg for him to call, you won't want

the revenge, all of it. And then one day the skies open up and you won't and you are the fucking full fledged peacock. And it's better because in the beginning, when it's all like new and everybody's sort of a little miserable, that's when you go into your main misery, so you kind of get it out of the way. It's not really on a delay, but the man. So when that peacock really fucking put it's all its feathers out in full bloom, that's when the man hits rock

bottom and the combination is lethal. That's when the man comes in seeing the peacock, wanting the peacock back, and girl, you are so fucking far away, you are showing your colors, and that guy will take a lot longer. He will now go hard. And if you ever want to see this in true example, go look at I think it was David Mammott play About last Night, the movie with Rob Low and de Me Moore. It is the quintessential

breakup movie, way better than The Breakup. The Breakup did that a little with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston, but Rob Low and to Me Moore and About last Night crystallizes the whole entire thing. Crystallizes. She finally fucking got her power back and it's over. He told me that to do the bus