Hello, Hi, how are you. I'm doing good? How are you?
I'm good? This is Talia. We met. She is an author, a dating coach, and a matchmaker. Crazy that your last name is we Met do a lot? I mean everyone comments on that, right, that you're a matchmaker and your last name is we met. Tell me people comment on that.
All the time.
Well, the company, yeah, we Met through Italia, was birth for my name. I feel like I was born to do this.
Oh that you are companies called we Met?
Yeah, the company is called we Met through Italian. It's my last name.
Oh that's brilliant. Okay, I didn't know that. I just because I didn't know how to pronounce your last name. I guess it is like French like we met, but it's wow. Okay, Well that's interesting. We met through Talia. Okay. So you are a high end matchmaker, which is a fascinating business. Would you call yourself a high end matchmaker?
Yes, of course, it's only high end, only.
High end matchmaking. Okay. So do you ever get any pushback or hate in that there's like an elitism to women wanting to marry a wealthy man. You know the old statement that moms say it's just as easy to marry a rich man as a poor man. So where do you stand on a that statement? And if you ever get any pushback, like people being like, oh what about someone's hard and it's not just about money and superficial and things like that.
You know, I don't really have much to say on it.
If someone is a female and they're doing really well, I think wanting equal above just makes sense. Now for someone who has new ambition in life, who you know, doesn't work or anything like that, who wants someone wildly successful, I think that's a little questionable.
That's interesting. Okay, So that's an interesting take and an interesting nuance that we haven't discussed here yet. I love to find the pieces of the puzzle for the people listening because they're getting you know, you could be six figures for someone to hire you to match them, and they're getting this for free here. And so I like to give advice and notes that are accessible to all.
You know, not everybody can go into Chanelle, including me, and get a bag, but you know, people can have game when they go out and date and look for someone equal or above is what you said. So it's funny because in this new dating era where I remember being in my twenties and wanting to like lock up my life by twenty six when I got married the first time. And I remember in my late thirties getting into a relationship because I felt some sort of a pressure.
And it depends on where you are and the people you're surrounding yourself with, and you're kind of comparing yourself to that. So in my twenties, the whole group was getting married at twenty five, twenty four, twenty six, and like then in my late thirties, people were getting nervous because that's a really witching hour age. And even six years ago when I met my ex, I felt older and it was gonna be a problem. Now I'm even in a different range. But ironically I'm more confident because
I feel like I know exactly where I am. I know I'm established, and so the crop is smaller. But it's like going into a store and knowing exactly what you want versus going into a mass mall and having no plans. So now I feel like it is interesting, and for me, the equal or above thing is critical based on my history, based on my negative experiences, and I'm confident about it because of what I bring to the table, where previously it was almost like an entitlement.
And a lot of women just want to meet someone and think that they're going to walk in and Prince Charming is gonna sweep them like pretty women. But that's a fairy tale and that's a prescripted film. And obviously these are blanket sweeping statements. There are pretty woman exceptions, there are fairy tale exceptions. But if you're saying equal or above, are you saying that from an accomplishment and
financial standpoint? When women are looking for men, they should be looking for someone equal or above, Meaning you don't think it's a great idea for someone to date someone who has significantly less than them or drastically more like, what should how should women be treating that aspect? Right?
No, exactly.
I think that for women who are well accomplished, who have done big things, I think dating down is only going to cause issues in the long term because then later on. I've seen it time and time again where men feel emasculated and they feel there's just something that happens.
And what you know, men are like, no, it's not a big deal, it's a big deal. They're really just.
Trying to convince themselves, because at the end of the day, a man wants to feel like they're the provider, they're the protector. And I have yet to see a very very successful woman with someone who you know, picked someone wait further down than them and then it ended up working out for them.
I haven't seen it.
You're just going by institutional knowledge, and I experienced it, and there's a lot of data that I found out afterwards and hearing from a lot of women that if the woman and we and I always say every time I'm on here, I'm like, I know, I'm setting women back one hundred years. This is just what goes on. And I'm sure you deal with a lot of that now in twenty twenty four with the gender dynamics, and I'll take all that heat here on the show. I'm
not putting it on you. I'm saying that I have experienced and found out a lot since I opened up this topic, that a gender disparity when the woman is the moneyed partner, and it's significant. We're not talking about if the woman's wealthy and the man's a different kind of wealthy, or if he you know, one is a scientist who's won awards all over the world, and then
that's a different version. But if it's a woman with a man and they're justifying the fact that he's not working anymore and he followed her for her career and he's saying home, there are exceptions, but there is a disparity and there becomes a power struggle and it comes out in different ways. And I've had the exact same experience, So it interestingly puts me in a position, for example, where I'm being open about what I'm looking for, and I think a lot of women don't want to be
honest about what they're looking for. They think they're going to be thought of as a gold digger if they want to be with someone who's smart and accomplished. But I think that many women may not want to do the work themselves. They just want to get that. They want to sign up for that. And I think it's a message for if someone if a woman wants a man like that, that they should work on themselves and
work on their own career. Otherwise there'll be a disparity in that direction too, where the woman doesn't have the money and the man does. And then that also bleeds out later.
No, for sure.
And I think what women tend to forget is that if you have nothing, you bring nothing to the table other than your looks, right, you have no real job like whatever, And then you marry someone very, very wealthy, you have to remember that if he leads you, like what grounds do you stand?
Like? Do you have financial stability to get back on your feet?
You know? These are things that I think in this day and age, women are starting to think, Okay, hold on, I should really have something going for my in case things don't go right, I have something.
To fall back on.
Well, that's what this conversation is helping. And that's what I've been trying to say to young women because they're being marketed fairy tales. They're being marketed the dress, the multi billion dollar wedding business, but they're not being marketed education on the relationship. And I do think you're an ex I think I don't think that people think of matchmakers as experts on relationships. I think they think of
them as connectors. But I actually, from having met a few that are good, you know good, that it seems like they're good or at least have a different perspective and an expertise that you guys are experts on relationships too, like because you're hearing all the stories of the people that are coming to you about what didn't work out before. Is that correct?
Well, So I always say I'm a great dating coach.
You know, I wrote a book and I talk about how to attract the right guy and all those things. To my book, I wouldn't say I'm a relationship expert. I would say that I definitely understand what it's like to be single and how to attract and how to practice discernment intuition. And it's crazy how women don't realize how intuitive they are.
And I'm like, you have to use that when it comes to dating.
Your nervous system will always tell you if he's mister right or mister wrong. As far as relationships go, of course, I can speak on the successes of my business and the people that are married, but you know, as far as like, yeah, I definitely would say I'm a dating coach, not a relationship coach.
But if you're a dating coach and you get you and you connect people that end up getting together and they sustain, then it's not just about someone attracting and getting because I could do that all day long. There's got to be another piece where it's attracting the right person that's right for you. So at least if you're not a relationship coach and you are a dating coach, but you're also like a connectivity right match coach, Like, how do you know what's the right match for someone?
I mean, and how much is chemistry? How much is like culture and background? How much is education philosophy?
Can we talk about chemistry for a second.
Yes, this is the biggest mistake I think people make in dating is they will meet someone that there's so much great chemistry with and then all of a sudden, the rose colored glass come on right because the chemistry is through the roof your heart's just and you're in the like honeymoon phase. You're still like dating early stage, and because there's so much chemistry, you're not even realizing that it's actually not a match. You guys don't share
the same values whatsoever. You guys could never build together. You guys should just have incredible chemistry and you just have so much love for each other because it's like magnets, you know. But we just have to remember that chemistry doesn't equal compatibility.
It's amazing. It's amazing because we were talking recently about chemistry, compatibility and communication, and compatibility isn't discussed enough. And that's I think. I always say, like, I'll get in the wrong car and the car is going somewhere and I knew that the sign was wrong, but I just got in anyway. And I think it's the chemistry that gets you in the wrong car, and then all of a sudden it's the habits, the in laws, the culture, the job.
So when you're dating, how do you slow down the game and not make it so clinical because you want it to be sexy and you want there to be chemistry, And how do you discern between the chemistry and the compatibility. How do you make the compatibility sexy too?
Well, I think the first thing is there has to be chemistry. It cannot work if there's no chemistry. Great, So it's kind of like, Okay, first, do we vibe? Is there energy flow? Like do we just enjoy each other's company? Is there chemistry? I always think that's the first thing. Now, by the way, this is for someone who you know doesn't have a matchmaker. This is for someone who's just out there dating see if there's chemistry.
If there is, then let's ask intentional questions. Let's peel the layer of the onion to really see do we view the world in the same way?
Could we build something together?
So what that looks like is politics, religion, especially if you want to raise children together. Another big one I would say is you know what do you value? What is your lifestyle? Because the number one reason for divorce is financial differences and financial struggles, and so how someone spends their money could be a huge factor to whether
or not that you guys are a compatible match. You can have the craziest chemistry in the world, but you spend your money so differently, and one person values such different things on how they want to spend their money.
That it affects the relationship.
But it's constantly a struggle, like how you want to vacate, you know, how often do you want to vacate? Or do you spend all your money on you know, shopping or you know.
So the money stuff has to get out of the way fairly soon without being too aggressive, like it just has to cut naturally, Like I like to shop, and I like to go to Europe, and I like to ski and like that type of stuff, Like the superficiality needs to come forward because then there becomes judgment, right.
I definitely think lifestyles a huge one. Like, for example, if someone spends all their money on traveling to go to mountains to go hiking, and that is where the hiking equipment's expensive, and they spend all their money on that, and that means nothing to you. You don't value it whatsoever, and you're more the kind of person who wants to go travel to Europe and enjoy nex dinners or go shopping.
Like that's not a compatible fit.
Like even if the chemistry is great, like you guys are going to constantly argue about where the money's going.
Well, this is interesting. So I was speaking to someone the other day that is a very successful person, I mean by global standards, a very successful person, and they are an extrovert and he, you know, you could tell that he's like traveling all over the world and doing interesting things, and you could tell he's a people person. And I feel that women often want to like pretend.
I'm thinking of one woman that I know of who's married some major men, and her reputation within a very small circle is that she kind of is the one who will be like, oh I like that too, or I do that too, et cetera. And there's a fine delicate balance in letting someone know how you're different from them, because you want to make sure that that's not a
red flag for them. Because while it's interesting to quote unquote get and capture someone who seems great or good looking or successful, I'm not interested in the wrong car that I'm getting into or someone's getting into the wrong car over here. Like I'll say I'm ninety five percent homebody, five percent lunatic, because I want someone to know that if they're going out every night and want to entertain and do things in big groups and go on six,
you know, couple vacations, that's not my personality. So how much in the beginning are you supposed to like combine you know, captivating and capturing and being honest, you know, because also opposites. You could also point out that ipposites do attract. So it doesn't mean we're supposed to be the same exact person. There can only be There should only be one peacock in a relationship, in my opinion, So it doesn't mean you need two peacocks, But how much are you supposed to go through that?
Wait? Wait, can we the peacock theory?
Let's hear go.
I call it the rock star theory. Where there's a star and a rock.
Someone's super stable, more low key, you know, more in the background, and then the star and like the rock star couple is always thriving.
It just worked.
Wow, that's so the rock and the star interesting theory. Interesting.
I do different couples.
When I'm out in a bow, and I always like an analyze, like who's the rock, who's the star, and then like my girlfriends and I will recapin like, oh, that was definitely the star.
He's definitely the rock, like and it worked.
Wow? Okay, but how but what if there's one person who's like the star and then the other person's boring and the star needs like light, you know what I mean? What about the one person Doman Rock.
Doesn't have to be boring.
He just doesn't mind letting the star being a light, letting her shine. He's not a bored I don't know. He came funny and adventurous and all the things, but he's more of the I don't need to be in the light.
Like you got it, you know.
So how much of your crazy should you show early?
How much crazy? Okay?
Yeah?
Wait, so going back to that question, So, here's the thing.
When you for your friend that's always agreeing like oh yeah, me too, me too, here's the thing.
You can put it on that phase for only so long.
At one point that person is going to use their intuition and say something doesn't feel right, you know, like she agrees with everything I say. And you need to
be authentic when you're dating. If you were not authentic and you were agreeing with everything saying that you also enjoy doing the same things when you really don't, that is doing you such a disservice because, like you said, you get in the wrong car, and that's that's like blocking you from meeting the right person where you genuinely do have all those things in common.
So I think being authentic is the ultimate advice I would give.
Okay, and where are you? We've talked about sex on here and to me, to me, I feel like the game the rules. Men can see through them if they're not being authentic, Like if a woman is just let's say a woman's really getting intimate with someone, but they're just going to withhold sex, but the guy knows they really are just making that rule for themselves, and the
woman's like really being methodical and playing the game. I think that is as much of a turn off as someone like playing fast and loose too early, Like don't I think that someone should exude confidence, and it can come in many ways, but it doesn't mean like you do this, you don't do this. So where are you on sex? Do you think that someone should do what they actually want? Or you think there should be some version of a game and a rule, like where are you on sex?
I really think that there's no number or no timeline of like this is the rule when it comes to sex.
However, what I will say is.
That it does complicate things when you have sex too early, because it blurs kind of like the rose colored glasses. If the sex is through the roof and you're having a grand time and you're like, wow, this is my compatible partner in this way, but none of the other stuff makes sense. You might end up sticking around a little too long because it's the wrong car, but it drives really well. So I think waiting and really getting to know that person first is just the best approach.
Well, that's back to your discussion about chemistry. You're saying the same thing you're saying, you're lying on the chemistry. It's clouding you. But you don't think in twenty twenty four that someone's judging someone for having sex if they're adults and like they're attracted to each other. Like it's like we're you know that someone's judging Oh, she's slept with me on the first date, she's promiscuous, or he's a player or anything like that.
Now, I think in this day and age, we hear so many one off exceptions of well we met, we had, you know, sex on the first day and whatever. Like I've heard that so many times now where I'm like, there's an exception to the rule.
Is it best practice?
No? Would any matchmaker dating coach say that's best practice?
No?
Right?
So, And I think just
Like taking the time to really get to know someone, it's just you're better off for it because then you're you're not wearing the roast colored glasses.