Carrot Top

This is me, Craig Ferguson. I'm inviting you to come and see my brand new comedy hour. Well it's actually it's about an hour and a half and I don't have an opener because these guys cost money. But what I'm saying is I'll be on stage for a while. Anyway, come and see me live on the Pants on Fire Tour in your region. Tickets are on sale now and we'll be adding more as the tour continues throughout twenty twenty five and beyond. For a full list of dates,

We talk about you all the time, literally not and I mean just all the time we see because there's a clip in my show right before the show starts with you. I'm on your show and you're you're I'm doing this to you. I don't know what I'm doing. You're talking, we talk about Mike Tyson and I'm going like this and You're going like this, and it was It's hilarious, just visually, it's hilarious.

Right, You're in my thoughts every every night you're in the show. Well, you know, I always like to talk about what a great show you put on because I I remember going to see I've seen you a few times, but I remember one night when you were doing the you were doing the showing Hooters for a while. Is that right now? I might have just been out of Hooters. No, no, no, it was the Hooters, the Hooters casino.

MGM Grand across from the You were at Hooter, Trust, I was at the MPUM character.

No, I remember, now, we went to Hooters, went to the show. We went to just for wings. Yeah, yeah, no, we went to I remember because you me and Ron White do you remember.

Yes, yeah, I just saw Ron I just saw Ron Just my god, I just saw him a couple of days ago.

One of the greatest comedians who've ever left. Just amazing comic.

So Ron White comes to my show. You know, Ronnie's a character. So he comes back. He says, hey, man, he has smoked some He can't smoke weed back here. He says, what you'r a dressed for smokes some weed? I said, no, no, we can't smoke weed back here. So he says, let's go to the just really nice posh you know.

Upscale bar.

Me and my friend, him and his girlfriend. And we're sitting we haven't any were drinks yet. I hear I smell weed. But I'm like, god, I said, someone's smoking weed. And Ron's like, well, no, ship sherlock. And I'm like, run, you can't smoke weed in here. And he's like, well, what are they gonna do?

Throw one White and character out of a fucking bar, And within seconds they threw us out. And I said, I said, yes, you can't do it. Ron, just you know aroun those guys. He's like, I'm Ron White, I'm just gonna do you know you can't smoke, doping up. He is who he is minded. But how have you been is what I'm saying. I haven't seen you in a long time. I've seen it before COVID died. Since I seen I think that's right.

I think, yeah, Covid, that was about the time. It's been that many years. Yeah, I've been doing good and still we're still doing it every night at the Luxor and uh yeah, not not Hooters at the Luxtor every time.

No, I remember now. We went to Hooters afterwards. I remember because I said, I said, I've never been to Hooters, and you were like, walk over, woke to it. I think we walked across the casino floor was and I was like, this is the most depressed place in my life. And then we went to somewhere else that I remember now when I saw you in Vegas, Yeah, was last night I saw you. The act was insanely energetic and

It's definitely not as funny, but it's uh good, Yeah, you came on a good night.

Uh No, it's it's always fast paced. And it kind of started.

It started when I got working Vegas, which is strange because when i'd.

Work on the road, I felt like the crowd would would want to. I don't know. The pacing of it was, Uh, it was different than in Vegas.

There's like a like last night we had a show, and which is it's like they they want to they want to get out, they want to go somewhere.

So they're they're there, they're excited to see you, and then they're like, you know, how long is this gonna go? So I kind of I go so fast.

People last night were saying to me after the show, like, how how many jokes do you do?

Permit it?

I said, I never added it, but I said, my god, it's it's just one after night, I said, well, I'm always worried about one not working, so I go into the next one.

But it's very fast paced. It's almost too pace. It is. How long is the show? You do?

About an hour and twenty.

I mean that's a that's a regular land. Do you have an opener? Have an opener?

He heats the crowd going and then and then I and I come up and I do my little thing.

And yeah, then we all go thee How long have you been there? It's like nearly twenty years? Maybe, Yeah, this Thanksgiving will be twenty years. Isn't that crazy? Yeah? Twenty years? Wow, nut, that's nuts. Who's coming to see you?

Know?

People have seen you before? Do you have to keep changing it?

We have a lot of regulars that come. In fact, I would always say, you know, how many people have seen the show before? And it's unbelievable how many people have seen the show before. Now I always say the same thing, like you came back, like it's weird. But they do like a lot of return visits, and they and that's why you got to write so much, you know, the jokes. They even though Vegas feel always Vegas, you can probably get away with doing the same show for

How How is Vegas now over the last well, particularly since cool I haven't been since before COVID. I think is it changed a lot? I mean, I mean there's still it's crazy. Yeah, it's it's they keep.

Building A joke on my show, is you know how many hotels they need you You got to check in?

They say your room's not ready? Are you cleaning it? No, we're building it. I mean literally, it's just incredible.

Now they want to build a baseball stadium. But I mean it's Vegas. It's it's just it's a crazy town. It's still you know, it's doing it.

It's doing great.

Summer it's always a little bit, you know, one hundred and eighty degrees out.

So yeah, it's it gets by. What is it right now?

People come It's amazing they come here in two degrees and they're just walking around us.

I like, I don't know where they're going. But then they get our room, they get air conditioning. It's interesting to me Vegas because it kind of like, you know, you you get you can go to casinos anywhere in America. Now, you's like, you don't have to go to Vegas to gamble and stuff, but people still go. But but I'm there. Yeah, but you could sure like a regular comedian instead of just sitting in your ass one time right now.

No, I think we talked about that all the time. What makes you know you're right? You can gamble anywhere. You can gamble where you are right now, and you probably have.

A blackjack table in front of your right now. I do. I have a casino and I and we have a brossel on the property too. I mean it every sunderstand.

But I think that's I think they're so they try to keep Vegas kind of a special place.

It's not just because of gaming. They have the most incredible restaurants.

And they do all the celebrities, chefs and and you know, it's like we're not even the main drawling mode. You drive down the you know the road, the billboards are chef and you know the pool at aria and you know you still see some shows for comedians, but it's you know, the restaurants and yeah, and and injury lawyers, you know, yeah, the accidents guy.

Yeah, I mean but they're all in Vegas. I mean, it's it's a weird place to have them. But I don't know, it's it's kind of like what Drew. I feel like I've talked to you ob this before, but I don't know if it was actually just us talking or for it, or if it was on TV or something. But when you, uh, when you went there and started doing this because you were tired of touring, right, and like you were sick of doing it.

I don't think it was sick of touring it. They just offered me, Uh, they offered me whether. I had the MGM Grand for about ten years, but it was it was an in and out kind of uh thing.

It wasn't. It wasn't a full time residency.

I would do like two weeks, then I'd go on the road and do shows and come back and do two weeks.

Oh right, Well, I think it.

Was there five five times a year, but for two weeks at a time, so it was still they would call it.

It's not a residency now.

The one I have now is every night, six nights a week for two and and forty shows, So that's an actual residency. But it happened I was doing the Vegas one, and then David Cobbfield wanted the room full time, and of course you know Copfield car tops. So I said, well, there I go. I think I had said something in the to the paper like, yeah, why'd you leave the MGM? I said, David Copfield, maybe disappear, and then he read it it's wider and breakage, just like Jesus a joke.

I was the only.

Show at the Luxor. It was me and the buffet, and I said, well, this is a cool little room. And so we did it on a whim for like a year, and then I was thinking, now I want to go back on the road.

And then I said, well, I'll do another year.

And then it finally turned into you know where we are now twenty So it's it's been an incredible run.

I've known you quite a long time. We kind of we worked together a little bit. You did bets on the show. I come and see you in Vegas stuff like that, but I know really nothing about your life, and so I thought, I mean, I know you're from Florida, and I know that your dad worked in NASA. That's all I know today, So well, that's all. It's kind of so you remember, but it was interested. So today I thought, you know, I should find out more about Scott's personal life, just not to ask them about it,

No, I'm definitely not. I just go out, but I don't. I am one of those people. I try to stay out of trouble. I don't do I don't go out and do anything crazy. I'm never in the news for doing something I don't. I don't go partying. I don't put myself in the situations. But it's true, Yeah, there's really not anything out there.

Which I think is as well, except you know, just people that will come up with crazy crap, you know. And yeah, but it's it's kind of interesting because I think that now the you know, with social media being what it is, because you and I both predate social media and the do you do you have a policy with foreigns in the show and stuff like that? Do you do people know I let to use them.

I mean they say not to, but they people use them.

You know, they say put your stuff away, But I see people all the night filming and kind of guy, and I don't mind it.

I mean, you know, why not? You know, well, it takes the gag away though, if nothing else, I mean, if they blew a gag for you or I, or if you're doing a jewel, which is which you know people would get annoyed at if it wasn't in the context of being in a comedy show, right right, Well that's true. That part is definitely true. Or you get one of them.

There's just on a rant like poor I forget who was it might have been George Lopez. He was he was just he had lost it, told the crowd, you know, and someone's filming him the whole time, like you know, f you and get out, and you know, and I was like, God, that sucks. So you always got to keep that in the.

Back of your head.

Yeah, someone's got a phone somewhere.

I kind of try and remember not to run the audience. You know, again, I probably have done it, but it's kind of it's a weird. It's a weird thing though, because it never do you remember. I remember Michael Richards, this is the one I remember. Remember he did it all that crazy like, yeah, that was That's the first cancelation from that kind of thing, as I remember.

I remember too, that was the first one I remember where it was just yeah, horrible.

You know, it's pretty bad. It was pretty bad. But it's kind of like with prope comed and what is this. I don't even think it's fair to call it prop comedy what you do because it's it's not just prop comedy. I mean, you're right stuff. There's material there, sure, and over the over the years, but particularly a while ago. I think, no, I can't. I don't see much of

Absolutely, everyone's human, you know, so it would bother me. And then I would go, you know, and then I would hear like a George Carlin or you know, someone that I respected, you know you, I go on your show, and it.

Would be awesome and it would be.

Validating you know what I do, you know and so, but it hurt my feelings to a degree unless it was My mom was to consider the source.

So if it was someone it was.

Coming from somewhere, like you said, an angry comedian somewhere in living in a basement Nebraska that's never done a show, as opposed to a stand up comic that I respect and and appreciate as a comic. But I would always you know, I got into the prop thing and the beginning to literally be unique and be genuine.

That's why I did it. I wanted to do much different, right.

I didn't want to be the guy that was like, oh, he's he's taking you know, being another so and so and so. I thought I would get more respect and more love, like wow, this guy's doing something different. And then it turned out backfar because I was doing not only doing props, but I was doing well, you know, I was doing shows, and I was doing big colleges and everybody's like, how is this guy getting college, how's this guy getting on Regis and Kathy Lee? And I'm like,

Know, I know. It's the funniest thing. I mean, you see people chase the tale with that. I've never seen an interview with Chris Martin from Cold Plate because Cope Play get a lot of hate for the music they do from people who don't like Cope Play obviously, right, I think it's a lot of people who love And he said, well, I don't. I don't write songs for people who don't like Coldplay. I write songs for people who like cold Play. You go, of course you do. That makes perfect sense exactly.

That's a great answer, isn't it a great answer? Yeah, I don't write you. I don't write songs for people that don't like Coplant.

I write for cop Yeah, I'm the singer in Coplay. I write the songs for Kopley. Why would I try?

And yeah, Yeah, that's that's brilliantly said. And that's kind of the Yeah what I do I write? I mean, but I do have a lot of stand up now on the show, which is kind of surprising to people unless they see the show live. You know, we've been we've been talking about this for since Jay Leno days, where I would say I want to do it. I want to come out and do a set with no props, and Jay was fine with it.

He'd be like, that's great.

But they.

But the people would you know, the producers were like, you know, freak out, like the no your care top, you have to do your you know what you're known for. And I said, well, wouldn't it be fun? So anyway, they never let me do it, So I thought maybe they don't even have to be a whole special like Netflix, but just something maybe on YouTube. It's gonna be, you know, care propless and I literally come out and I'm just

For an hour and a half. You just can't. So you have to.

You have to come into like you and you start telling stories about your father and NASA and you start telling stories about your idols in comedy and how you met him, and you know, people love that. They just they get dead silent. They can't wait to hear.

You know. Don Rickles told me to you know, get away from him. You know it was just he said, well it was on a movie.

I was in a movie with him and Betty White, and I mean he was unbelievable, right, And I had to get in these prosthetics every morning, and I mean early morning at four o'clock in the morning. I get there and they put on all these prosthetics and get me ready for the day the movie and Rickles would come in around you know eight, I've already been there four years, four hours in the chair getting all my

Became quite friendly with Don Towards the last few years. I got friendly with Donna. He was a remarkable guy, the real kind of the opposite of what you think. And I feel like that happened so much in show business that Late Night did that to me. And you get that as well. You get people that you meet like you're one of those guys I like. When I met you, I was like, this is the is the nicest guy. And then I get you to see your

Oh yeah, yeah, I don't know, but trying to I try not to get too mean in personal but I have.

Done no, you don't know, that's true, but still.

Like you would do a joke.

But but but Larry King, and but I've done some about people and then I meet him and I feel horrible that, you know, I made fun of them and they.

Were, like you said, lovely people.

But I never picked on anyone to the point where they were like, I really just went after him in a mean way. I would, you know something stupid. You call her bed bed Bath and Beyonce. And then I meet her and she's like, did you call me bed Beth and Beyonce. Yes, but it wasn't It wasn't bad. I mean it was I saw you. I saw you in the show and you call me be I say, oh, yeah, yeah, you know. But I don't think I've ever the only time I did do well Mike Tyson.

But I did, and I think I told the story.

That was what I told you on your showing. I had done this prop.

It was and it was.

It ended up on everything USA today, in the cover of La Times, in ESPN, everywhere, They're everywhere. Everyone saw it. And it was so topical that it was a rubber headgear with ears on it, so he his opponents could show on him instead of his thing. And so I'm sitting at in a word show and Dennis Hopper sits down next to me, and Dennis Hopper, I'm like, oh my god, he's like me self.

Got He says.

The first thing he says to me, I'm sorry you had to sit next to me, right, And I'm like, that's what I would say to you. You know, he's so nice. I said, I can't believe you know, Dennis Hopper, My god. He goes, yeah, I'm sorry, of all the people and you got me, I'm sorry, and I'm like, how sweet. All a sudden, Mike Tyson walks up and he goes Mike and he says to me, you know Mike, And I said no, and it didn't dawn on me.

You don't have to have these jokes about him.

He comes off the hug.

He says, you know, Cara top and he looks right, he gets right in my face this close, and he says, you think that's funny And I said.

What did you do with that? That's the thing.

He's funny with me that that made me hurt my feeling. And I said, no, it was just a joke. He said, it's not a joke, and he started screaming at me like like Mike Tyson was no that you know, I wouldn't have a feeling that Bertha feeling and that was really meaning disrespectful.

You should never do that somebody.

And I said, I'm it was just a joke. I apologize and he goes, I'm.

Just kidding, and he punched me so hard, I mean, just like that, and I'm still sore from it.

It was like nine year no, twelve years ago.

So that was scary to me because I thought, oh, God of all things, don't don't you know, don't pick on Ron White, I mean Tyson I did with the whole Cogan, not whole Cogan just passed away. He did, and he was a really close friend of mine. I mean I never I never met him at all, but it is great. So I do a show in Tampa. He lived in Florida. So I'm doing the show in Tampa, FA. It's like a double decker, beautiful theater, and the show's going great. There's some guy yelling out, just yell. It

You know, I do a joke. Yeah right, that's a great joke. Keep going yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that one. All right, thanks.

So it was just weird. The show got over and I had said something I said. I said, it's something like I'm never mean, but I said, can you I you know, I wrote this without you. I don't need your help. If I need you, all call on you. But thanks, and everybody's dead sounding the kind of thought. The crowd turned on me, right. So anyway, he shows over.

He's like, I was trying to yell at.

You the whole show to get your attention.

I'm like, that was you. He goes, yeah, I'm like I told you.

I said, I wonder why the crowd got quiet.

The whole crowd looked back and he's like, oh shit, I'm not telling Hull Cogan to shut the fuck up. So the whole crowd's like, I'm not telling him, and I'm like, just shut up, dumb in this whole Cogan. So he thought he was helping mes, like I was trying to get your attention. I was trying to say, is Scott.

Scott that See? I think that's the worst type of hackler. No, people are heckling and sane mean things to you. You can deal with that. That's learn that on your first day. But but it's when people who just don't have any clue about what you actually do. Now, they're like that was great, and uh where did you get that prop? And I mean it's like did you make that? Yeah?

And they yeah, they always they yeah, I don't know, and I did always just go right on okay. But there was the guy last night was right in the front road just kept saying I got married. I said, all right on to her, I said, oh okay, and I said when and like, you know yesterday, I'm like, well great, I don't know what they wanted.

Me to do for but so the whole show is a roll dolge around that.

I'm like, so we have any So you guys just well you're still together.

That's good.

You know, you get married, you get married today, and you come to a Cara top show.

What is wrong with you? Like, yeah, well, you know, it's a good show. But I gotta say, if I was getting you know, it's a good show. I don't want I don't want to be negative about your show. It's a good show. And you know what, if I ever get married again, that's gonna be my y. Yeah, that's why I'm going to say. That's why I'll never get married together actually thinks I mean things.

That's why I'm never gonna get married.

No, have you ever been married? I can't find out on the internet.

No, no, no, no, okay no no.

I just I didn't. I just never. It's not in my cards. I mean, I just I my whole life I was. I don't know. It's just you live for that long in Las Vegas. If I lived in Las Vegas for twenty years, i'd be married like twenty times. I just.

Smart guy, smart guy, smart guy. See yeah, I kind of I kind of. I kind of go to Bill Maher kind of you know, people always ask him and he gets kind of testy. They'll say, well, you're, you know, seventy and you've never had kids.

And you're single.

You know, what's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? And he says absolutely nothing.

I'm smart.

Like he It's like, you know, everyone does have to get the house with the with the.

Kid, and that's always the life you want to live. That's always just like.

That's always been my thing. I just I wasn't really against marriage. I was just against uh, just the I'm so I'm not I'm not a and you too. Probably you're not a you were when you had your show. More you were structured because you had to be at your show every day, structural stand up comic. Maybe here I'm more structured because of the show I have here. I have to be ready for it every night at a certain time. Comics in general, they aren't like structure.

I'm at fucking work? What even where am I? That would always annoy me, like where are you?

I'm getting ready to go on at the show, you know, and the show's over.

Where are you?

I'm just god done? I mean, it's like that would be annoying to me.

I like, just I would like to have I just like yes, men, I like people just just.

I think that I think they also. I think it's true, and I think I've been gilly of this in my life. I will say to someone, you know, why wouldn't you do this? Why would you do that? But the truth is, and I really do believe this. You're allowed to live the life you want to live, you know, I mean I don't. I don't have to. I will say the one thing about when you said Bill gets testy when people ask him to be fair. I know Bill pretty well, and he was testy before they asked him. He was

I just I just saw him at the MGM where I played back, and it's not even.

A month ago or so. They was phenomenal.

I mean, yeah, he's a great stand up and he's that was his last That's what he invited me, he said, for his last standing.

And so I think, you know you're not, you know, like your final farewell tour.

You'll be back. He said, no, this is it.

So yeah, he just wanted to not do stand up anymore. So I was like I had to go see it, you know, to say this last one.

But it was great. I've given it up a couple of times, didn't run White retire a couple of times, a couple of times and came back again. Have you ever retired?

Only in the early days when I just couldn't get it together, couldn't get go, you know, gigs lined up, so I quit.

Got back, So you did the retirement first. I couldn't get anymore.

Hello, this is Craig Ferguson and.

I want to let you know I have a brand new stand up comedy special out now on YouTube. It's called I'm So Happy, and I would be so happy if you checked it out. To watch the special, just go to my YouTube channel at the Craig Ferguson Show and is this right there? Just click it and play it and it's free. I can't look. I'm not going to come around your house and show you how to do it. If you can't do it, then you can't have it. But if you can figure it out, it's yours.

Yeah.

I don't know about these young comics.

Do they get a chance to have like a lot of them like internet like you say that social Internet stars of today. There's a lot of them. Yeah, And I always wonder, like if I want to go see them, like how would that be differently? Like have they had Have they done shows and clubs where they got there, you know, or they just they're just talking to a camera. I mean it's a different probably a different thing.

And I think it's a different skill for sure. I think some of them, some of them do and some of them doing. I mean I've talked to a lot of the guys that I've talked to, you know, younger guys, not necessarily super young, but younger. They do podcasts like are You Garbage? Or Being Ian with Jordan and those podcasts that these uh, they're they're people maybe in their thirties,

But also if I if I come up with something like just like I was just in a home in Orlando a week ago, if something happens funny like on my so and my day personal day, I'll post it and people can always tell the ones that I do for me and the ones that that my people post. One.

But you know, it was just on a plane. I thought this was great. We we.

The lady comes on, she says, hell morning, welcome aboard. We have we have someone with the peanut allergy on the airplane. So we were we were we were wondering if everyone could be so nicest, if you have anything with peanuts, we would appreciate you not opening him, and the person with the peanut.

Alge would really appreciate it. It was kind of a weird.

Quiet over the over the plane and this guy next to me, and I want to say, just for references, literally the cable guy kind of guy.

He you know, just him, big guy with beard and his hat.

He reached down and grabbed a bag of peanut m and m's and he ripped it open and he looked over I sort he looked right over at me.

He goes, he'll be all right, and I just thought.

And I just started laughing. I said, that's hilarious. So I get my book out and I start writing. He says, is that going in your show? And I said, yeah, that's great. He says, you're not gonna You're not gonna tell him it's me right, And I say no. So I got my phone and said, well.

Now I can get your picture at it. It was just so funny.

This guy was just that was just brilliant.

You know, it's like all right, alb a right bear, all right. It's funny. Though there was social media. I kind of like, I used to do what you do, like I'd go in it and I you know, but I'd also do it personally and I had other people do it. But I found out that if I have the Instagram, uh app I'm so addictive as a person, I'm in it. I'm just I just went it, or so I can. I'm too addictive for all of that.

Same and that's strange. All the years that you and I both have worked in casinos, I've been. I mean, my life is Vegas. People always say how do you do that?

I'm like, what do you mean? Like how do you?

Guys said, I don't gamble like you don't ever, I'm like never. I don't want to be on smoke, I don't want to be.

Around people I don't like I don't like counting under pressure.

Yeah, it's funny. I've tried it a couple of times. I used to.

Five, I hate you hit that them like am I supposed to? And like you don't know how to play? I'm like, no, you know, no, can't do it.

I tried it a couple of times and it bores me. It just bores me. Yeah, I don't want to. You know, other ways to lose money.

I agreed.

Yeah, And I feel like as well, if you are a performer. Look, the truth is, if you're anybody, but I think the performer, you're very aware of it. There's enough gamble just being a person, you know, that's.

Just being the person in alive.

Yeah, you know, just like walking around, it's all that. So you go in Vegas, I guess that would have happened in the last week years. You get super into and like going to the gym. You changed your body a lot, didn't you. I Mean, I see you like you're really ripped and you have been for a long time. Is that was that a thing that because you were in Vegas, because you were free during the day and stuff like that kind of two things.

I started working out when I was twelve. For thirteen years old, I was on the.

Wrest I didn't know I was a swimmer.

And I got on the wrestling team at like fourteen and we had to lift weights, and I was like lift weights and swimming and wrestling and then so I was always an athlete to a degree.

And then when I got into comedy, I just started.

When I was on the road, really I started bringing my own waste all my opening accent. Remember I did this. I'd bring my own little weights and put him in my truck when I drove.

So I get to the gig.

I would sit in the park a lot and do like just some little workout. And I've always been i mean, go back, look from nineteen eighty five, whatever it was.

And then when I got to Vegas, I was I was I literally had all day there.

Was nothing, So I'm not going to sit in my So I started going to the gym a little bit more, and yeah, I probably put on maybe I got a little crazy into it. And then it was like a year of it, and I was like, yeah, this is what am I doing. I'm not a workout guy. I mean, I'm a workout guy, but I'm not a body builder. So I completely stopped again and so I you know, people always I thought you were you know, No, I'm

But other than that, it's just that that I mean, that's but you take it off. It's it's it's a strap on. It's part of the show. It's part of they don't know. They don't know that. They don't they don't know that it's a fifty pound strap on.

I mean, eventually, no, And that's how could I just still be said.

Well, let me ask you this. You keep it fair? Is it? I can't remember it. I don't remember being offended by a single thing you did. But is it cleaning the show? I can't remember. I mean mostly yeah, I mean it really is. I mean it's all silly.

I mean, there's there's there's a couple of things that can be in you end, du it, I think, But no, it's not. It's a clean show. Absolutely. I mean really, I guess I talk your Vegas talk about you know, it's no, I'm trying to think the dirtiest joke I am.

I don't even know if I have like the dirtiest joke I am.

I had one.

I had one, Well, I had one I think I might have done on your show, and I think when I did it, you guys, let me do it.

I'll tell you the joke.

So when I did the tonight show, it was a podium for it had the presidential seal on it and had these bells like true false, and I'd have buttons that would control it, and I would do it was Clinton back then, so I'd say, ah, I remember that I did not have and I go I did not and then you know, Hiler ding Ding he killed. So at the end, though, I need to have a you know, a punchline because that was funny, but it needed a big bang again.

So I would do the whole Clinton, and it was a good Clinton.

It was good.

And then all of a sudden I hit a foot pedal and this myn uncle Winsky head would come up, just just just you know, and I go, not now, and I'd go back to the bit. Well that was the end that you know killed. So I go on the leno and this is great because I'm I'm rehearsing it. I show the whole the lady the standards and practices, lady who loved me and also hated me. She gets up, we get done with the whole thing, and she walks over and she's like, you're good, and I'm like, honestly.

She goes, yes, it's even the podium.

She goes, yeah. So I'm all excited.

I'm back in the dressing room getting ready and she comes in like a minute before the show starts, and she goes, everything's good, but you can't you know, you can't do with the podium.

You can't. You can't put her head down do the thing? Ye what they could come up.

I just I just couldn't put my hand and put it in.

You could, Oh, it can come up, but it can't. We done, Yeah, so I said, So.

I go to the prop guys, I'm like, can you make it? Can you make it work?

It can get when I when I.

Push it up, it'll go back down. And they're like they looked at it, and I mean I made it myself.

And it wouldn't work. So I go on and I'm.

You know, just don't use your hand to push it down. So I'm doing the joke. It's fucking killing.

The whole thing.

The head comes up. The crowd is nuts and I just used my elbow because they had to go down like I couldn't. It was like I laughed, like where's the big laugh? So I went like that, not now, and then you know, it killed and I get over and she comes but now I'm in trouble. Not trouble, but she said we had to we have to edit it now on the East coast because.

I'm like, I told you, I told you not to.

I said, well, I can't.

I didn't have an ending. Yeah, it's something you got to be clever, you know.

You can't use your hand, you know.

Yeah, it's hard something the glove don't fit, you know, you must have quit. Well, if the gloves don't fit, you must have quit.

That.

That proves that that if it rains, you don't have to do the time. If it rains, no time, no time, no times, no times in jail. For you, did you ever with me Jimpson? He was in Vegas look oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I knew him really well.

Yeah, I mean it was one of It was one of those interesting things though, because for for for for the longest time, everyone would say, like, you know, I see oj every day and I'm like, I'm out. I never see an O J ever and ever, and I'm like, Cam, I have not seen OJ, you know, not that I wanted to see him.

I was just why have I not seen? He's everywhere I'm at, you know. So I go to this.

Restaurant he's always at one day and I sit down and sure enough, I just sit down and I look over and I'm like, god, dang if it's not OJ, right, I mean right next to me, and so I'm I'm like, get my phone out. He's talking to somebody and he's playing his next murder and I'm I see this, like this knife, you know, on my thing.

So it's like a hack. It's like a hacked joke, right it. But he does this so I might have my camera and I go I said, I'm sitting next okay, coming up, and I put on my Instagram. Right, it was really funny.

Five minutes after I posted, right, I'm like, only in Vegas, fucking OJ that this guy comes in.

He's his best friend. His name is Scott. Like me.

He says, he's hey, hey Jews Joe OJ, and he's he sees me. He's like, uh, Scott, I said, hey, and he's like, you know oj you know Cara Top And I go, no, hey, and he goes, how are you doing?

And I said great.

He says, you got to watch you gotta follow his Instagram.

This stuff is so good.

And I'm like, oh, delete, delete DEALI did you delete?

Did you get seconds after I did? I'm like, oh, fuck, jeez, take that one off real quick. Do you have a lot of followers on Instagram? Do you have a lot of people following? A billion people? A billion? That's great, congratulations, I'm I'm the best. Uh No, I have.

I don't.

I follow it a lot.

I mean compared to some No, I don't have millions because I don't. I don't show my boobies, but I mean throwing my boobs. I think we can get that number up.

Well, you know that's your only fans account. I also have people who I do have. I don't do my only fans anymore. There was a remember God was used to do this, but Bernie Mac used to do that. Barnie used to do that. This great baby tired of fuck it, tired of fucking fucking hilarious. He was great, Yeah you run Barnie, Yeah a few times. Yeah, yeah he was. I'm just trying to think of the guys that I remember from playing in Vegas back in the day.

I'm like the Celine Dion of the Yeah. No, because you don't think there's a longevity, I've been your right.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's not a lot of stand up comics here anymore, which is interesting, you know, a lot of a lot of the shows or besides the cirk shows and what they used to be, like amazing Jonathan, there's not you Penn and Teller is still here, Okay, Comedy Magic, there's not. I don't think there's another actual stand up comedian.

No, probably No, I mean I think long you got.

Yeah, there used to be George Wallace used to be these stand ups that were there.

George Wallace, that was the great best ten PM show. That was a great show. I used to it.

I would love telling George that, I said, George it's only it's only the best time because it's the only ten pm show.

It's not the best. It's all the bus sides and stuff. Best show, yeah said, is there a law shows? Yeah, no other shows. It was the only show. That's what was good. How long did Georgia and that was a long time, right, he was there for a long time. Yeah, he was there for a good ten years maybe, Yeah, I used the record holder then twenty years for a comedian, it's quite a big close, I think.

I think for a comedian at the same same hotel, right, I think.

Apart from that time, you worked in Hooters for a little bit after that, so that that should still count. I can't believe I remembered it as you were being in Whos like, oh no, wait, no, we went to who rested what it was? Yeah, it was right across the street, and you said it was he was so convenient. It was the Hooters casino, that's right, because I remember I was like, we have to go and look at that place. We have to go, yes, yeah, and it

I don't God, you know what, I don't think so I think it's called something else now knockers or.

Did you do you have your own Like when Wayne and Newton was who did a long time in Vegas, they add, is he had his own little railway or something or LIBERACEI or something, or a little railway from his house all the way to his dressing room. You shall get that. Yeah, I think either Liberachi or or when you're somebody that you could get. You could get on a little rail car and go straight to under his dressing room. Oh wow, I got to get on here. Yeah, yeah,

I'm going to like look into this because not for me, but I got to see if what you're saying is true, because that's just amazing.

I feel like because you make so much of your own props and stuff. Yeah, I think that you could probably put together on an underground railway. But then you yeah, yeah, do you have any like penguins and stuff? When you're in penguins? Do you have any penguins? What the folks called You gotta have some kind of eccentricity. You gotta have penguins or a lama or something. Yeah.

There was a guy who they used to have a lama, you know at his house.

Yeah. Yeah, the guy that.

Owns the shoe guy, whatever it was he owned he had it.

Was like my shoe. Yeah, what the hell was that name of that?

You and all the big Zappos, Jimmy, Jimmy the shoe the shoe Guy.

Do you eat a lama? But you don't have You don't have a lama. You don't have penguins. You're doing you know, you don't go crazy. You just work. Just one horrible wig and that's all I have. Is that a way? Guess? Long? Yeah? A lot. Yeah. I's gonna say though, like usually guy red hair, guys go gray. You don't see me have a single gray hair in your head. I've got a few, yeah, but damn they're on my not. I was going to say, I don't know if you notice I've gone a little Gray.

I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to say right right when you were just when we first started, you popped up.

I went, oh god, it's like it's been it's been a while. I was gonna say, I don't mind having snow on the roof, it's the snow in the basement that exactly.

No, you haven't bit. You have very This is I'm seriously compliment to you on this. So there's people that great, like like they call that what pepper pepper right hair. But there's a lot of guys you'll see in the news and whatnot, they don't get that. Some people have just great salt pepper looks great on them.

And then you get that one that's like yellow. Eve Gray, Yeah, it doesn't look good.

You have a very nice it looks like the secret.

What is it? Wait, let me zoom and it's it's bro cream ore bro cream. It's like this old Teamah yeah, the old Fox put it in. Yeah, yeah, that's bro cream. If he looks like Michael Douglas, and I mean that in a complimentary way, Michael Douglas is like eighty five years ago.

Like a younger, like a younger Michael Douglas.

Oh, like little Nike Douglas Douglas.

Yeah, when he was Yeah, speaks of San Francisco.

A great show.

Show.

Yeah, Carl Malden, Yeah he was. He was hilarious. It was yeah. I don't know. All right, let's scover out of time, but I do want to say that, uh, And I want to say this to anyone who's listening. And I always say, that's what I'm talking about. You have to see this guy like you are one of the best life callings the live shows I have ever seen and will ever see. I think I cannot. I challenge anyone to go to your show with no laugh.

Though. You know how many times people say that to me, Like every night, if I have a meat reader before or before the show, there's a meet before.

They say things that are odd that are odd, right, and you just laugh at it.

But if it's after they all say, and you know what, I gotta be honest. We did not want to We didn't want to come, did we. No, we did not want to come.

We didn't. He really didn't want to write.

And you're like, oh, thank you.

Yeah, And I got to be honest.

We thought we've never been a fan of yours ever, but that was really that was good.

I'm like, oh, thanks, I get great. I don't I don't like you, but my mother has dad love you?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, my mother loved you, so I thought to honor her memory, I would come and see you. I don't really care. I'm not a fan of my mom loved you, but I'm not really in honor of my mom. See, yeah, you get all that. I have it on the plane. Yes, he says, man, you look good.

Now.

I'm like, what do you mean?

Now?

What does that? What does that?

What does that mean?

You look good? Now? That look good? Now? What did you look like that?

Well?

I didn't know what I said, but what reference point are you talking about it? You know?

You know you were just you look good?

You look healthy? Like did I not look you didn't look good. You didn't look good.

You do look healthy, you do look good. I had more power to you. I really wish I could be in Vegas to see you. But I've got a feel and you'll be there for another twenty years, so I'll get around to it.

Yeah, I hope though, And I wish I could be there in New England to put the brill cream in your hair.

But oh my god, you England bro cream. The sun is shining, it's beautiful. Now you look like Vegas but with moisture. Yeah, yeah, you live there, You live there. I spent a lot of time area in New England. Yeah, I love it. I love it. So one of your homes, it's one of one of my many homes, Yes, one of my many of homes up down in the eastern seaboard of the United States. I love that.

I love when you see a neighbor in Florida is a billionaire and he's building this house. It's like fifty thousand square feet, literally the biggest house in Florida, And people say, you know them, right, And I said yeah, I said, they're really nice people. And they said, why would they spend all that money in one house? And I said, because they have nine of them. Yeah, they go they do, and I go, yeah, they have one.

In Aspen, that's twice that size. They have one in you know what I mean.

I got one Hawaii, they got one in France, they got one in Rome, they got one in Paris. I'm like, they're like what, I'm like, yeah, so it's just another home to them.

Yeah, just to that. I like that. So that's that's what's happening here.

How would you Why would you have a Lamborghini? You can get ten cars of that. He has thirty of them, yes, yes, a thousand cars. Yeah yeah, look you can get you know, it must be like ten Ford Explorers.

For a labor. I just love that. How was that that?

Like? I used to do that when I was a kid because our neighbor had a Mercedes. And I just think you could buy four cutlasses or five Cutless Supreme. Why would you just get five cutless Supreme instead of one stupid car?

You know, it's it's a it's a fair point. Get out of here. More power to you. It's great to talk to you. I am and remain a fan and your friend. Thanks pal, look after your lips. There no giving you a big wet kiss. Well, okay, thank you. I love you, Bubby. Thanks, Stay in touch, Stay in Touched by

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