Jon Lovitz

This is me, Craig Ferguson. I'm inviting you to come and see my brand new comedy hour well as Actually it's about an hour and a half and I don't have an opener because these guys cost money. But what I'm saying is I'll be on stage for a while. Anyway, come and see me live on the Pants on Fire Tour in your region. Tickets our own sale now, and we'll be adding more as the tour continues throughout twenty twenty five and beyond. For a full list of dates,

His name is John Love. It's and John.

I have to tell you something, by the way, before we begin, do you remember we had dinner after a show of yours in Cleveland years ago, Uh, hilarities.

In Cleveland, do you remember that kind of Well, well, I know, and all the restaurants have kind of you know.

This is what I think, really is.

I got the COVID vaccine and I got COVID anyway, and and so my memory it locked out a lot of crap.

From my memory. And I don't know if.

It's the vaccine or COVID, but I've asked a lot of people this and they say yes. I say, do you find your like searching for a word you think thinking of a word or name, and also it's right there and that just goes away and happens a lot.

And they said yes.

And I said, and did this ever happen before the vaccine or COVID any what? They said, No, Then that's clearly scientific proof. I would say this, though I have no I've had the COVID vaccine a couple of times, and I've had COVID a couple of times, and.

I feel like my memory is kind of the same, but I might have forgotten how it used to be.

I don't know. Well, then it means I've just gotten older, and I'm getting because I go, it's either that or I'm getting senile.

I forgot about this. I remembered it yesterday, but today if.

Well, it's all right.

I feel like I quite as I get older and I forget things. I mean, look, if it's going to be and I've thought about this in my life. If I get very old and things start to fall apart, do I is it the plumbing or the upstairs? And I think I'd probably prefer upstairs because if upstairs, if you go like forget things and everything, then you just

If your plumbing goes, it's my problem. No, well, not necessarily yours. It depends if you're in the room with me. But aren't you from Scotland? Originally I am, Yes. Aren't you from California though?

Yeah?

But I live in California. Why don't you live in Scotland anymore? What do you have against.

You?

Know?

That's a very good question. I feel like I lived in Scotland enough and now I live elsewhere. Also, my wife's families from here in New England, so I have to be here them give a question. I know this is your show, but I have a question. We're turning it into mind Okay, Sean Connery was Scottish?

Correct?

Correct?

So why aren't you James Bond? That's the question I've been asking myself for years.

Good James Bond, you'd be great and you'd be a funny, clever James Bond.

I totally agree. I feel like we should call someone. Do you know who is in charge of it?

Well?

Amazon? Right, well, I'll call that man that runs it. I'd go on Amazon account. Could maybe I could ask the question on the Amazon account, I.

Would think, So, I don't know what and I have another question for you. Okay, why did you stop doing your talk show? Well? That's uh, You're you were genuinely one of the funniest talk show hosts. So I was like, why, Well, I would say the same to you about Saturday Night Live. Do you know what I mean?

It's like, you know, when you do a show for a long time, like for me, you were maybe the funniest guy who's ever on Saturday Night Live.

That's that's a high bar. Well, that's bar but I think that why did you stop? Oh, I guess we're back to it's your show now? Well, because yeah, because I was supposed to do a movie of my liar character and it fell apart. So five years later I got a chance to do another great part and my contract is up, so I would have had to miss two shows. They said they couldn't work around my schedule. So Lauren said, you can't miss shows. You can go

You can't ask me to leave this, you know, a series?

Yeah, what was?

What was? There's a second opportunity to do this and the first movie I was supposed to do with Lauren and it got all mess so I was like, come on, like, give me, you know a chance.

But also in retrospect, they got it says that they're hiring you because you're.

On the show.

That's where you're getting all these offers that I was stupid.

Well, you were very young. I mean you were really young.

Well I was thirty three, you know, were you really? No, you gotta be wow, you're.

Eighty No, one hundred of us eighty.

No, you do moisturize because clearly you and I suppose because you're a Californian as well, you wear.

Sunscreen and that will help you.

I played tennis. No, I'm sixty seven now.

Yes, very good on it. Do you do you have a very strict health regiment? Are you a vegan? Yeah?

This is all broccoli. Do you still love your stand up club? No? That No, I don't have that anymore. But I still do stand up all over. I'm going to I'm doing starting to do. I do clubs, you know, in America and theater and casinos. It's not like I left America first Scotland.

Neither did I. I left Scotland for America. I did the opposite of what you were saying. And let me see this. I will see this though, and I feel like and I did want to chase to say this to you. When I saw you in Hilarities in Cleveland, a night that was so important to you that you can't even remember it. But when I saw you that night, I have to say that it was perhaps one of the funniest performances. I remember weeping with laughter, one of the funniest performances. Yeah.

You did a song about coming from You, thank You.

Oh it was hilarious. And I went with a bunch of guys I was working with. We all went and we all we were we were open the balcony of this club and we were all hanging on to each other. We sailardious. You did a song about my late friend Bob Saga of a Bob Bob Saga his Gate, which it was a very I kind't even really remember this, so I just remember would being a very, very funny and talked to Bob about it, and he was quite grumpy about it. Were you friends with Bob? Yeah?

What he was grumpy about it? He knew about it. Yeah, we were very good friends for years. Yeah, God bless him. It's horrible that he passed away into Oh terrible. Yeah, right, I would reduce songs about my manager, just make up stupid songs about him, just to bug him.

And then and then I.

Started doing stand up. So I started doing the songs about my manager, Mark Kurvitz, and then I go, well, and I realized no one knows who Mark is. So I saw Bob, who by then i'd known, you know, twenty years.

I said, yeah, can I make it? Can I use your name instead of his yours?

Yeah?

Go ahead.

So he gave me permission. He thought it was funny what somebody's at the laugh Factory doing. He came on stage behind me, Oh that's great. But see he was grumpy blank because he would try to make up songs about him, and I go, they're not funny us, Well, why are your songs about me funny?

In mine aren't because you're not funny.

Because Bob, my whole thing is is that I'm trying to kill rumors about you with these songs. And then clearly my songs are the source of the rumors. So it's a reverse reach around. It's called that's that's I believe that's what it's called in comedic terror. Then not getting into your private life, Yeah.

Well, perhaps I should get into your private life. What is your private life? I should maybe Barbara walters you a bit. How are things with you after your friend?

I'm on TikTok but show. I'm just not wearing a no, wearing a dress.

No.

But you're so funny.

I don't know why. I guess you got tired of doing the show. But it's like the top shows. Now you're so political. I'm like, what happened to the comedy? What happened? It's like, I know, I think what happened? Is there?

Everyone wants so and so I said, I go, yeah, I go.

They're comedians.

Why do you care? Hello, this is Greig Ferguson and I want to let you know I have a brand new stand up comedy special out now on YouTube. It's called I'm So Happy, and I would be so happy if you checked it out. To watch the special, just go to my YouTube channel at the Craig Ferguson Show and is this right there? Just click it and play it and it's free. I can't look. I'm not going to come around your house and show have to do it. If you can't do it, then you can't have it.

Well, it's not my comedy club.

And I was complaining about when President Obama, who I voted for, was saying they quote the people in the upper one percent were weren't paying their fair share of taxes, which wasn't true at all. And I was, I mean, maybe there was a few people, but they, I go, they be in jail, they're tax cheese, you know, and so it and he kept saying it over and over and over, but it wasn't true. It's like you're paying over half of your income. And I would go to people,

I don't think so, because I've actually met him twice.

He's a very nice man.

But uh, what I said was I go, it's bullshit. And I'm a Democrat and I voted for him. What a fucking asshole. But then I went on to say, I go, you know, I go. It's America, and they say do whatever you want, go for it. I go. So then you go for it, you make it. And then everyone's like fuck you, which is true, you succeeded. Everyone gets pissed.

I go, I go.

And the best example of somebody who had nothing and went all the way I go is the president himself, which was Obama. I go. He's amazing. The guy had no money and no father. He's half black and half white. I go, which is a burden in his country. Don't kid yourself. And then he went, although he went to Harvard, he became president of the United States, and now he's like fuck me.

Yeah.

He was saying about people that were successful, which if he was a part of, he goes, you know, if you have a business, you know, you didn't build that business the government. What about the roads and and and the cards that get you there? You know, the roads, And I go, the roads that our taxes paid for. And three three days later he made a video saying,

Did you get into trouble? Did you lose a job or anything like that? Did anyone get mad at you?

Well, it was all over the press. Yeah, I don't think I lost any work.

Yeah, that's the whole thing. What people do do that? People don't even read the whole thing.

Yeah, it was a joke, I clearly Yoh. Yeah, I had to go.

I went on the I had to go on the news to defend myself. I ended up going on a bill. O'Reilly. He tried to like, he'll all just ask you a few questions and this, and then he tried to like going, yeah, but you said this, and you're you know, he tried to what's the word corner you no, like, set me up? What's the word set you up? Not?

I don't know, it's that's the COVID.

I can't remember the word.

He tried to set me up, all right, yeah, well I think journalists do that. And then but he's not that smart and I'm smarter than him. I was clear as a bell, you don't have to be that smart to be smarter than him. But he was trying to, you know, set me up. And then he had Dennis Miller was on the show at the time. I'm friends with Dennis and trying to get Dennis to slam me. Dennis goes, I'm not doing it. The guy's my friend. Yeah, but he said this. He goes, well, I'm not slamming.

Would you ever be drawing to politics as ever something that you would like because you're quite political, you care about things. Why why wouldn't you get drawn?

I care about him like anybody else cares about him. But no, I wouldn't be good at it. People go, why do you do it? I go. I go because I don't wonder. I'm an actor. I'm not I'm not qualified. And secondly, I'm great at making the speeches right and convincing people. But I go because it's acting. It's what I do for a living. So my speeches would be way better than any politicians because they're they're not good at it, you know, because they're not actors. They don't know how to deliver a speech.

And well that wouldn't Reagan was an actorking a certain cadence in this, and if they were doing that, like say on stage in a play, you'd go like, what are you doing?

You sound weilt it and phony? And you know, I go, but that, but that doesn't mean anything. I go, that's acting. You know, I'm not qualified. The people go do who you vote for? I go whoever you believe in. I would never tell anybody to vote for because I go one, I'm not qualified, and also I do believe just because I'm known, does therefore mean I'm qualified to tell you who to vote for.

It's ridiculous.

And secondly, what if I did tell you to vote for and it was it turned out it was the best, the wrong guy and it was bad, So you did you.

Never endorse anyone for candiescies?

Then you never do that?

No?

You?

I mean you look offended. When I even asked you, you were like no, Like no, Craig, I would never do that, you fucking idiot.

No, And I just no, because of course it's idiotic. It's like if you said, do you have advice about acting? And commed this, I go, sure, because I'm qualified. It's all I've been doing and faking about since I'm five. I've done everything in acting you can possibly do, and done it quite well. You have done porn, yes, no,

No one knows it's me. This is a waste of time.

Waste of time.

Let me ask you this, is there any chance of doing a reboot of The Critic? Well, I've been trying to get that going for years and we're still kidding. Fine, but I can't do it, and I don't know. We're trying, but I don't know.

But finally it's funny because for me, the Critic, I loved that show. He wants to he goes no, no, no, but for some reason think he's changed his mind, and so we want to do it. But but will it happened? I don't know, because there's all these things, and there's rights, and there's things like who owns it? It's Sony, and and then there's like their animation isn't part of the Writers Guild, which is right. I'm in the guild, and al who created and Mike created there in the guild.

Oh my god, I feel like you should be able to figure that out.

The way you're looking at me, it's very well, I'm I'm I'm.

What I'm I'm not. I'm looking at you, you know, in a friendly I'm not being come heather with you. I'm just just yeah, Well, I'm sad about it because I loved. I thought the critic was the was the forerunner to BoJack Horseman.

I thought it was.

It was like it led to other great you know kind of yes, yes, don't love it's in the front row bo Jack Forceman.

I don't know what that is. Well, you don't bu Jack Horseman was a great. Embarrassed you don't know something. I don't know what that is.

No, No, I'm not trying to embarrass you. I'm going to tell you.

Well, I know, I'm just saying I'm not embarrassed about saying I don't know something.

Oh right, Well you shouldn't be. There's no reason for you to be embarrassed. Yeah. I would more embarrassed about your three years working.

In porn then, although you know, maybe I'm being First of all, you would never know it's me. No one knows me, that's true. Yes, it's a lot of money. Yes, it was you know every week three you know, three different women. It sounds like a fantasy come true.

No, no, no, it's you.

It's just the insert shot, right, and then you're making a lot of money. But then they go, if you say to you will deny it. Ah, right, why can I ask why that deny it? But surely that would be great publicity for them.

If it's you know, Jordan Loves's business on screen, people would pay to see that.

See, so it didn't it wasn't. Oh I see, it wouldn't meant anything. Well, well maybe you could go back and see if you can reboot. That looks like with your hand, it looks like you're I'm gesturing, Well, this is what it looks like.

No, no, well that's that's not what I'm doing at all. Form's sake, I'm gesturing. I'm put in my glass. You're very you're very You're quite sexy today. You're you're saying quite sexy things. What's going on there?

Man?

You feeling a little you feel a little frustrated? What's going on? Things are a little sexy with you?

And I didn't do your talk show more because I just remember when I did it, and and I was like, Oh, this guy, he gets my humor and he's just giving it right to back this. Yeah, this is so much fun. Why didn't you ever have me back? You know, I have no idea, to be honest, I thought you were on it tons of times once You're only on once, and I liked it.

I was pleasantly surprised.

Seems crazy to me, but you know, there's really funny and he was.

You were really making me laugh. I go, we didn't know he was this funny and witty.

You know.

It's so it's weird to me, Johan, because I've met I've run a couple of people since doing the show who've said to me, why was I never on this show? And I'm like, oh, you were, because I forget. I mean honestly, I forget. Like in the ten years that I did the show, I once watched the documentary about Leonard Nimoy, the original Mister Spock and.

Nimoy, Oh, Nimoy Nimoy. I don't know.

In New England we say nimoy wow, but it needed Leonard's Nimoy. And I said to my wife after the documentary, what a lovely man. I should have had him on late night when he was alive and we looked up heat. He was on twice, remember, and you had COVID and the vaccine. I had COVID twice. Did you get very psych when you had COVID?

You had Spock Leonard you on your show, who was arguably not arguably is one of the biggest pop culture phenomenons. Character is one of the most name a bigger character on television and Spock, I don't think I could. I don't think I could.

Equal but bigger. No, No, no, Spot, Sam Spot, Jay Sherman. The fuck that he wrote a book, I Am not Spock.

Did you know that that's right?

Yes, that's right. Then a few years later he wrote another book, goes Okay, I am Spuck.

I am I'm gonna want very nice on audition for some movie, you know, And it was really nice.

But I just couldn't stop laughing because everything he said I was going, but he it Spuck.

It's just you couldn't get out of him. I couldn't get out of my head that No, he's not Spuck. He's an actor. He's a person.

He's not an alien. He's human.

And I just remember talking looking at his ears, you know, mean, they're not pointing. I just didn't put it out of my head. It was and he's like ring, you know, da da da da da, and he's laughing, and I'm like, spucks laughing and cracking jokes. Yeah, it's it's it's weird because that's not but he's not spoke.

Didn't you read the book? Didn't you read the book? He said that he was not spoke, and he sure looked like him. And yeah, have you written a book yet? You just write a book. I wrote a book. I'm not.

Frank Sturtson.

Oh I read it, that's right. I forgot. I forgot I read it, but I had COVID and and I forgot that I read your book. I read it today. I don't know.

I have funny stories about people people writing a book.

I never talked about my personal life because you know why, Craig, because there's other people involved exactly that are private and you have to talk about them, right.

But you guys, it's hard to talk about your personal life. Heard of doing it.

But but I guess I kind of get it. Then you could do whatever you want. Must have been fun. You can do whatever you want.

No, I'm on your talk show. Do you ever think about going back?

You should go back and do a talk show and just make it comedy and everybody would you'd be the number one rated because it's just comedy.

Yeah, I don't.

I don't know, John. I think I'd have to have you on it a lot, all right, I don't know.

I feel like doing a show every day is No, it's not my cup of tea anymore. Are you familiar with that expression, a cup of tea? It's not my cup of tea anymore.

Yes.

I don't want to work every day like that.

No.

Sometimes I go, you can do it once a week, and you go, I am, I'm doing this?

Yeah, well I'm doing this once a week.

And the good thing about this one is I only I don't have to talk to anyone I don't want to talk to It's not like, say, well they've got a big movie coming out, so you have to talk to them, and I'm like, I want to talk to them. They talked to me.

Yeah, of course I want to talk to you. That's why I'm talking to you.

What do you want to talk about.

I'd like to talk about your book, the book detailing your anecdotes. I want to hear. I want to hear stories about my step mother is an Alien, which is one of my favorite movies.

Okay, I love that movie. Well, i'm reading the script.

This is when I was getting a lot of offers and I was Penny Marshall befriended me my first show on SNL and then and then after she put me in her movies.

And she's where you're living in La this summer?

I don't know.

She's, well, you can stay at my house. She had a big, beautiful house.

Wow. Yeah, it's a mansion, you know. So I stayed there. Joe Peshey was staying in the room next to me. Joe and I lived there for and anyways, the summer I'm there, I get off of this movie my Stepma.

There's Nyly. So I'm reading it.

I'm thinking, I'm in Penny's kitchen, which is one into the house, and I'm reading the script thinking do I want to do this?

You know?

So I'm reading it, and then my characters, you know, and Dan Ackway, I play his brother. Dan's the best, but I go, well, like Dan so and then Kim Basinger's going to be in it. And then it says page thirty six, my character it kisses Kim Basinger goes, he kisses her, He really kisses her.

That's what the script says.

And I start.

Screaming, do I want to do it?

I want to do it? Are you kidding me? Oh my god?

And Penny runs in, what's wrong? I go, I'm reading the script. Do I want to do it? I get to get kiss Kim Basinger.

Do I want to do it?

So I CAUs, yes, I go, I don't need to read the rest of the script. I'll I'll do it right. And I read it, but I just go, I'm in. So now we're doing the movie and she is so beautiful and sexy it's insane. And I remember one time I'm in the makeup trailer and and she was leaving right and I go, hey, Kim, and she and and she turned around right and I'm just like, I just I didn't have anything to say. I just wanted to look at her again, because I mean, she it was

No she's not.

She's just looking but she's so sexy and so beautiful, and her skin's like perfect. And she turns around and I could see the sun in the back of her coming through the door of the makeup trailer, right, so it looks like and she's this gold blonde hair and it's like a halo around her. And I was like, oh, like angels singing, and I go chos yeah, and I look at it. She's looking my go I go oh. Now I'd say I have a good day, have a

For the movie.

One week two Now we're six weeks into the movie, and I look, you know, you're in the makeup chain and they give you these like you know, not like a like.

This, this like this, yeah, besides like your your lights for the day. This big as big as an envelope with all your lines. So I'm looking at it and I'm reading it, and I go, oh, I think this is the Today's the day the scene where I kiss her?

Oh? Right.

I go to Richard Benjamin and I said, uh, is this is this the scene right when I kiss her? And he goes yes. He goes yes. I go Now, I've never kissed a woman in a movie, right, So I'm like, well, what do I do? He'll just kiss her?

Oh okay, this is all I've been thinking about since I said yes, this is all I've been thinking about.

So I walk up to Kim. I go, hey, Kim, you know, today's our big scene. And she goes what.

I go it what?

Nothing? Forget it? Nothing?

Right?

I realized she hasn't thought about it for like a second. Nothing.

It's aw about It's the whole reason I didn't move what But the thing is, I love everyone else.

I'm not going, hey, you want to do a movie. You got to kiss Kim base And I was like, yeah, you want to know where to pay? Noa, I'll pay you. What are you kidding?

Right? So so anyway, so the scene is we're doing it and and she's an alien and and she marries Dan. I'm the brother in law, and I go walk up. I go, well, maybe the first to kiss the bride. She goes okay, and she's kissing me, and she sees her dog floating up in the air because she's got this purse with this alien in it, this eye and it's making her our Dan's dog, a beagle, float up in the air like. So she's like, you know, kissing me and the sided. So they go, okay, do it again,

What you mean?

I mean all the blood went to my head and I went.

And I will fell over. And then so we finished the scene. So then she we're at this house and she's now shes and all, and she was okay to me. But after that kiss, she was super nice. She goes, John, come on in the house. These are the people that live here, and I go, all, nice to meet you. Right, she was super nice if it. And then anyway, she

Like, no, no memory, no memory of it at all.

It's like when I had dinner with you.

And I said to her cam after you know that summer that this club Helene is in La and I saw you at this club. You funderstand she was not just pretty. She was one of the most beautiful women in the world, like probably the sexiest woman in the world, right, and she's super nice, but she was just like.

Obviously drop dead gorge.

So so I go, hey, you want to dance, and she goes yeah, And then she was with us make a guy that did her hair, and she was dancing with him, and then I didn't get to right then I'm looking around like, oh she laughed, and my fuck.

Now it's about two in the morning and I see her again.

She was there. I go, hey, remember our dance, you promise She goes, oh yeah, okay. So it's like it's about eighty degrees out of warm summer night and Frank Sinatra's song The Summer Wind right is playing, and I'm dancing with Ken basing her to the summer wind and I'm holding her, you know, not like separate, but like this, and she's laughing, and I'm just like one of the

Nights of my life. She's like, I gotta remember.

Yeah, that's how I felt when I told you that I had dinner with you in Cleveland, which is one of the greatest nights of my life. And you don't remember. And you made a joke about it. You said it was COVID, but I think you just you just really didn't remember even without COVID.

Well, I remember the.

Club and hilarios. I kind of remember now that you're mentioning it.

But you'll understand, what was that twenty years ago?

No, yeah, yeah, it's like twenty years ago, ten years ago. I have a feeling Creig no offense, but I have a feeling that as time goes on your your brain, it's like, say, this is twenty years ago, right, and now here's twenty years later. So this chunk it kind of starts fading away because you're putting more and more in your brain and you just don't remember everything.

Well, I haven't noticed that. I have noticed. I remember stuff that's back further, but this stuff, like, you know, five years ago, I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, but twenty five years ago.

Two days ago, what did you have for lunch?

I had.

Salmon probably I think you know, but.

You don't three days ago.

I have no idea, right, do you know?

I do know what you had for lunch three days ago?

Yes, well that's weird because it does taste a bit funny. So how were you involved?

You were in town and I was working this hot dog stand and you got gay Can I get a thing? And I go, oh, you go you look like John Lovettz. I'm like, oh, yeah, I get that a lot. Yeah, yeah, because it's embarrassing. Do you get recognized the law in LA like you must all the time?

Right? Oh?

Yes, yeah?

Do you like it?

I don't mind.

I don't like when people are drunk.

Yeah, that's who recognizes me.

Well, because you're always.

In the pep because you're Scottish from English.

Yeah, I guess I don't.

I don't go in the pub that much anymore. I used to live in. I look at they're not if they're not drunking them because they're nice and they're complimenting you and yeah, and I just think be grateful, like one of the one of the job is there where there's hardly any job. People go hey, I love your what you do? I love your work. Great job, that's true. You don't get that, so it's lucky, not very lucky, fortunate, you know, grateful.

Do you still get as much out of it as you because you love acting, You're really good at it, and you clearly you clearly love it.

Do you still get as much joy as you always did?

I do, But I was for a while. My manager goes, oh, you know, the part's are now you got to get back in.

So I was doing a lot of movies that I didn't I wasn't enthusiastic about.

And I finally said, you know what, I I can't do it. I can't do those anywhere I go.

Well, I go because I'm just filling my resume with crap and I don't enjoy it and acting. He doesn't understand, because it's just a business. And I go, I know, but it's I have to be enthusiastic. It just means too much to me, and I go, I have to be enthusiastic about the part. I can't just I can't do it. Otherwise I can do it, but I'm like, I'll end up and I never walked through a part.

And I just said, I can't do this anymore. So so I'm not doing it.

So that so the but recently I did so I do still like it because now I'm just if I really like the part and I like the movie, I'll go I'll do it. So and that's also stand up is great because I love doing it. But you can still make a good living, so you don't have to do the movies that are crap and you don't care about. So I did a movie recently unless You're called. It

And the guy wrote a great part and it was really fun to do and.

Very moving.

Craig, Oh really, yeah, Oh I love that.

When is it coming up?

Crying? You were crying?

I was crying to people watching it were crying.

Oh wow, I feel like crying.

The extras gave me a applause.

Oh nice, that's when you know it was.

Good, correctly, goes John. People watching the scene and the monitor, they were crying.

Oh wow.

No, they were crying because I was so bad.

They were crying because you It was so much of an owner for them to be and there of the day that that piece of work was recorded.

But they were so moved emotionally.

And then I can't. I can't stay serious for more than the second. And then the guy in the scene played a priest. And I'm just telling you what he said, Craig, I didn't say it. I'm bragging, but he's I didn't, he Goes. I haven't seen you can take it, bove it. I've only seen that level of acting once.

It was so great. I go, really, yes, I go, well, who was the actor?

And he said al Paccino? No, yes, Wow, did you do that long of a pause before I should I fucked that up because I was And he said, oh, but che and I think both ways are good. Are you serious? He goes, yes, I played a judge and I was a lawyer and I watched him for two weeks.

And I go, thank you.

Now, Craig, Yeah, John, I am not comparing myself in any way to al Pacin. I really think you did.

No, the guy did.

No.

The guy did, I'm not on that level. He's one of the greatest actors ever.

But he's good.

You good. You know, he's a big fan of mine. I think al Pacina but he's no, he's he's, you know, one of the greatest actors ever, but he's not that funny anywhere here his level as an actor. I would never say that, but the other guy said it.

The other guy said that, and he knew what he was talking about, this guy because he played a judge.

And who said, well, do you think he's right? My interview is now.

But he said it. It's a very nice compliment. Yeah, somehow just smoking the imaginary cigarette. Why is he the invisible cigarette? What's that about?

They're bad for you, Craig. But it's an emphasis. The point of it, Craig is that it was a giant compliment that I just now accidentally let slip out. I can't believe. I hope you don't mind if we leave it in the podcast.

We're going to leave it. And even though it was totally an accident that it slipt out, because you're still relaxed.

Yeah, I really didn't mean to mention it.

That's okay.

Now, this guy who played the Jay, So of course movies, you go, well when is it?

Ca?

I go, is anyone gonna see it?

So it was the thing, isn't it?

You never know? But you get to do it.

So I learned that you go, you got to enjoy like a lot of times, you know, you don't move, and you go like, oh, if I do this, then it'll get me this, I'll get me this, And I go, can I just enjoy this like I'm doing this now?

Can I enjoy this movie now like I'm doing it?

Yeah, that's a challenge as well, because it's kind of how you get in the habit of thing in that way, because you know everyone does, because it's just you know, it's not like a steady job. You go, what's the next thing, but stand up is very steady. It's it's it's like, I feel like I beat the system.

I love stand up because it gives you an autonomy. You can be your own man. You could be your own person. You don't have to follow any of the rules they book you. You turn up, you do the show, you leave, and that's it. Yeah, and you can do you inferring that I'm a man and.

You can do whatever you want.

It was It's just an expression, and I didn't mean to load it with any gender specifics. Uh and and I I feel like it was like the performance I saw you gave in Hilarities, the one You've forgotten about, which was hands down one of the funniest performances I've seen, and I don't think you were One of the things that really made me laugh about it was I I don't think you were aware of how great you were being doing the stand up. It seemed like it was

That's what you should have said me, But I've never seen me age did Do you like watching yourself? Do you like looking back and stuff? Do you like watching your performances and stuff? Because I see this jiggling, it's john you know? Then you I mean, I do, and I don't, but it's it's.

No, I don't know. I'm just like, oh my god, I look so fat.

Oh my voice.

It's weird because what you think you're doing, and then when you watch yourself you go, you go, oh, that's not what it felt like when I was doing it. And then also it's very strange because a lot of the stuff I do it makes me laugh because I didn't.

I go, I didn't know I was doing that, right, it's stand up.

Even movies.

You watch this because when you're doing a scene in a movie, have you.

Ever done a movie, I'm gonna be some water to do. Yet, well, if you know I was acting, you can't. It's hard to do because you you can't watch yourself, have an eye on yourself and do the scene. You've got to just forget you and focus on the other person and just get like almost lost in it and just go with it, you know, when it works its best and they go, oh that was great, you go what And if you're not watching yourself, you go what did I do? And then you watch it. It's very strange and you go,

I'm trying to make them laugh. No, I kind of feel the same way.

I know what you I don't want to move into that, like you know, I'm on a soapbox and everything.

Yeah. Agreement comedy, Yeah, I'm not into agreement comedy very much now.

And then the other thing I realized was that I think you've maybe you've maybe you'll find this true. I don't know if you will because you're Scottish. That's true, right, Maybe it is a human being mm hm. When you you're making a point about something and you go, oh, I'm really getting through to these people and I'm making them see the light and I'll make them change their mind. And then you realize, no, you're not making them change it because as soon as they lead, they completely forget

It's not They just want to laugh. I think that's true. I think most of the people that come to see stand up. They just want a good time. They just want to laugh, and that's all. And I'm fighting with that. That's a good deal.

Yeah. And then if you are making a point, they're laughing because they already agree with you. So you're not you're not changing anybody's mind.

That's not true.

Yeah, I think I did it. You think, oh, I'm really changing their mind. And then you're now, oh I'm enlightened people now. No, no, no, no, you're not cry Hey, we're out of time, John, We're at the time.

You have to go.

You have to you have to go to.

Another room because you're in your own house, so you actually don't have to go.

We're out of time.

Yeah, you have to take a ship.

I have to take a ship.

Yeah, we're out of lime or you have to pay. We're out of time.

We're hungry. No number twos, it's number twos. It's I have to poop all the time.

I didn't I see a TikTok of you that went crazy and oh wait no, no, no wait, no, it's too late. I've done it not But didn't I see a TikTok for you when you were talking about pooping. I feel like it's so that it went crazy viral some thing about you talking about shipping yourself.

Is that right?

Very proud of that.

Yeah, it was No, I know, it's got to do what it was. It was, I was I was playing tennis. I played tennis with my teachers, and I was just goofing off, going, you know, and just saying the silly thing. And he goes, he goes, oh, you should record that. So I did and one of the one of the lines was I came in my head at the moment. So then I stopped and I started was on five second and I started laughing, and I go and I

This is the end my career. Fuck it.

So I posted it. It's the two point one million view. It's ridiculous. It's the most ridiculous.

I go.

Yeah.

I was talking with my tennis teacher about aging and I realized with aging comes confidence. For example, an hour ago, I shipped my pants and I'd yet to wipe because I am confident it will eventually dry out and cake off, cake off, it just stops. And then.

That's what it was that's the one, all right, you're not going to beat that.

Get out of here.

It's lovely to talk to you again, John.

Mike great, great seeing you again.

Thank you. It's great to see you too. John. You're one of the funniest men in the world, nearly as funny as al Pacino.