The Craig Ferguson Pants on Fire Tour is on sale now. It's a new show, it's new material, but I'm afraid it's still only me, Craig Ferguson on my own, standing on a stage telling comedy words. Come and see me, buy tickets, bring your loved ones, or don't come and see me. Don't buy tickets and don't bring your loved ones.
I'm not your dad.
You come or don't come, but you should at least know what's happening, and it is. The tour kicks off late September and goes through the end of the year and beyond. Tickets are available at the Craig Ferguson Show dot com slash tour. They are available at the Craig Ferguson show dot com slash tour or at your local outlet in your region. My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of this podcast is Joy. I talk to interest
in people about what brings them happiness. So, bowing to pressure from Earth, everyone on Earth has said I have to learn how to do these podcasts remotely. So this is the first one, and luckily it's with someone that I've known off and on, but hardly not at all since the nineteen nineties when he was a guest on the Drew Carey Show. He's way too cool to have been on the Drew Carey Show, and he's way too cool to be on this show.
But he is very cool. Here's David Cross.
I think what I'm saying is I was slightly nervous about having you on the show today because I've always thought that you were much cooler as a comic than anyone else I've ever seen do stand up comedy. Well, you seem to have an air of That's what I meant when I said I feel like you're plugged in, you are kind of.
Are you confusing coolness with condien? Since condon con condescension, condescension, Yeah, I was. I was struggling. I was thinking not condensation. That'd be a little that would mean I was a little clammy.
But well, I I'm as a comedian, I can be very condescension or condensation or clammy.
But no, I don't know. I mean that. I remember, like I met you years ago.
Do you remember this when you were a guest show? Yeah, but on the Drew Carrey Show. Do you remember that? Oh?
Yeah, yeah, I mean, babe, I mean that was like in the nineties. That was quite a while ago. Yeah. Yeah, it was just a young, innocent babe, fresh to Hollywood, wide eyed stars in my eyes, so excited.
What That's not how I remember at all. I remember you as being you were doing Mister Show then, right. I remember saying to Drew at the time, I said, guy's way too cool to be here.
What the fuck is he do this? I'll that it works. I did one episode of that show, and it paid me more than a year of Mister Show. So oh yeah, I mean sweet sick com money. Oh yeah, doing a multi camera show, which I've done gosh, you know, probably ten maybe over the years, ten episodes of various things. And my wife did a full season on Two and a half Men. And it is, shockingly, I would say, the literally the easiest job, and maybe the world it
might be. I mean yeah, like, because there's the read through on Monday. Nobody comes around ten o'clock and there's like a half hour chit chatting and getting bagels and whatnot, and then you read the scripts, which aren't very good, and then and then you listen all the writers grotesquely cackle at their own jokes. And it's a strange thing. It's like across the board. It doesn't matter where you go. Oh, they all do the same thing. They all have the
same laugh. And then you read and I'm talking about acting, and then you then you leave like all right bye, and then the writers go and then you come back, I believe on a Wednesday, yep, and you read the script that's been worked on, and I think you start to put it up.
Is that right?
You start to put it up on Wednesday?
Right, You kind of walk down, but you start blocking the scenes and walking through them a little wit.
And then there's still changes happening writing wise, but it's you start putting it together. It's still very easy. There's a lot of downtime. Yep. Thursday is a full day, right, Yeah, Thursday is the one full day.
Yeah, camera blocking and you get all your positions right, get all your marks on the floor.
Thursday is a full day, and then Friday you come in later and you do two tapings which can last, you know, a long time, but when day, when it's a well oiled machine, it doesn't last that long, you know, And you do pick ups, say good night, you go to I guess Muslim Frank's what do you people do? What do you? Where do you go?
And then they used to always go to a place I can't remember. I think it was called Residuals. It was a bar in the valley that. Yeah, the people used to go. Yeah, I know, Residuals. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
People used to go to that bar, or there was another bar. I don't know.
I was sober by the time I started and Drew so like, and I wasn't that long sober either, so I was terrified.
Really to try.
Yeah. Yeah, it was funny because I got the job. I was only a couple of years sober, and I was really confused by it because I thought, when I got sober, this is going to help my career. But everybody in the Drew Carry Show was getting drunk along and I don't think it helped my career at all. I think it slowed me down. But it was it was what it was when we were doing the Drew
Carry Show. That was before you the rest of development, but you were doing Mister Show, and I thought when you and Bob were doing that, that was People used to call it alternative comedy, right, that was.
That was the thing that well, yeah, I mean it was. That was one of those things. I think somebody from the La Times or LA Weekly or some buddy doing a story came up with that and then it just stuck. You know. We never called ourselves alternative.
But that that was the thing that I came through in Britain. It was all like when I was coming up doing stand up there. It was all alternative comedy and it was like the comic strip and the comedy store in London And did.
You ever play over there? Oh? I played in London a lot. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. I feel like that's London too. I mean, I'll be back there in April. I'm about to it's and thank you for asking about to start on this tour. You're right called the end of the beginning of the end tour and you can go to official David Cross dot com for information where I'm going to be, et cetera, et cetera. But I will be doing the European you know, UK leg in April, so I will be in Edinburgh, Glasgow.
Where are you playing in Glasgow? Do you know the name of the gig? I don't offhand. I could find out, but I don't. It's was it or Moore last the last two times it was there. That's a great place, or that's the converted church, right, yeah, it's it's great. I love the Oran more it was. It was a fun show, and there was I did this thing in my last tour where I bring people up on stage
to read a script with me that I'd written. And you know, some I did I don't know eighty shows and some people just nailed it, were amazing, including a kid. There was a fourteen year old who just nailed it. There's some subtle jokes in there, some not so subtle jokes. But and then some people were just terrible that I had to occasionally boot people off the stage and say
just replace them with somebody else. But the one fittingly giving its reputation, given its reputation, the Wand in Glasgow was I This woman was so fucking annoying and awful, drunk trying to she was critiquing the script and then trying to punch it up. And now to your credit, she was from Liverpool. But all right, okay, yeah it was it was of the you know, we had our top five at our bottom five, and she was in the bottom three of she was terrible and it's moatly but it's fun.
But I see that's what I would never I hate the idea of having antibody on stage with me, even if I know them, even if I like them, never mind, you know somebody I don't. I won't even I work. I'm so committed to working alone. I won't go on stage if I have to poop. I'm like, you have to leave before I go on stage. Are doing it, Craig, that.
Is part of you? No, it's only not It's only not you once you poop. I think it's not a Schroeder's cat thing. It's a it is you until you poop, then it's not you. So you should go on stage if you got a poop.
I I have a real, profoundly disagree with you.
That is foreign, alien entity that's trying to escape.
I think I think what it is is it's it's the trash and I and I won't go on stage with a bag of trash in my pocket.
Well you you are. We're all partly bags of trash.
Praig, come on now, But I but I just don't feel like I could have that.
I don't like going on stage.
I don't like the feeling of of of needing to poop, and it is distract different. That is.
Valid, and I get it. That's different. So if you're doing an hour and fifteen minutes, an hour twenty minutes, nobody wants to go on stage going I got to take a massive ship. But let me do an hour and a half first.
You know, have you ever have you ever been caught short on stage? Because I've never knock on wood, I've never actually had to. I've heard of one comedian who did have to say, I'm sorry, I have to go to the bathroom and uh, I had to leave the stage.
Don't ask me who it was. It was Sindbad. Okay, there's no shame in that. I don't give a shit. I mean, seriously, it's a if you gotta go, you gotta go, and then what I did show must go on doing.
I mean, come on, you can't just say all right, hi on everybody, I'm going to go in if pooh, it's an emergency, yes you do.
And I'm Sindbad wouldn't have stopped h if it wasn't an emergency. And you know, then you're then you're while you're doing your set, your other part of your brain is calculating, like, can I get away with this? Am I gotta ship my pant? What's what's more embarrassing leaving and saying I got to take a dump or actually shitting my pants? Well, obviously it's it's shitting my pants, so I don't want to do that. So shit, but I have a couple times I've left to I drink
a lot while I'm on stage. Well you mean alcohol or just water beer? Beer? Right? Well, that makes you want to see exactly, So I have I'm going to say probably six seven times I've gone I really got to take a piss and I can't hold it any longer. And then, you know, I usually the first three, four or five minutes is engaging the audience, talking to them. I never just come out and go, hey, you know
what's funny about raisins. You know, I just I always kind of form into it, and I've seen or talked to somebody at some point, and then I will just give them the MIC and go, I got to take it. I got to take a piss. This will only take honestly, it'll take under two minutes. I mean the thing backstage, will you entertain the folks? And sometimes they just sit there,
there's laughter. Other people will help them. Sometimes they just start and they start telling jokes or they start talking, and and it's always it's never not at least mildly amusing. And then I take two minutes. You do that right now? On the new tour? Will you do that? I mean, if it comes to that, I'll try not to. It's
not a thing I do. It's not like a bit all right, Yeah, I've I've thought, I've done the calculation as I'm doing my and you know, being a stand up, you can do your whole set in your mind can wander while you're doing the set, oh and go back home and check the did I turn up the other let me think, you know, all that stuff is still going like and then the lady comes up to me and has the audacity you know in you but in your other brain you're so I'll sit there and I'll think,
I'll just do the math like I can hold it. I can hold it for another what twenty five thirty minutes it's behind and and then sometimes not often, as I said, maybe seven eight times I don't know. You're like, nah, this is not I'm gonna have to go pee and I tell them I don't know.
I feel like you should embrace it more because you know, you're you're you're getting a little older. We all are, right, you know, peing's peeing and pooing is like it's much less, you know, disciplined. Then maybe you should just I don't have that, have a diaper. Have a diaper when you go on.
Just like al Jorgensen would perform seriously, Al Jorgensen used to wear a diaper. Yeah, really that was the his him and Albanie when they would do there. And I met al Jorganson a couple of times. I did like old, I want to say, it was Air America or something like, you know, and he's nuts, you know, uh, he's just bonkers.
And but yeah, that was he openly. You know, it's like he wore a diaper on stage in case because he also would drink a lot and then do drugs and stuff and they'd be playing well.
And when you say openly wear a diaper, like the did you walk on stage with a diaper and no pants so you can see the diaper?
No, No, it was more of Yeah, I wear a diaper, so what I guess.
Talk to me through the title. The end of the beginning of the end is this. Uh, it's not a farewell tour.
No, it's the first of many farewell tours. No, not really. That's interesting and I hope people don't think that's what it is. I have no plans to retire until I can't do it anymore. But I mean, I really really enjoy it. It's one of my fast I agree. I just love it. And it's really about where we are, the tenor and the feeling of where we are in history. Okay we specifically not not that. It's also completely open to interpretation, sure, and uh and I it tended to be.
But for me, it's about, you know, by the time this tour is over, a number of people in the United States will have made a very monumental decision and we'll see what that portends. And it's it could be a good thing or bad thing, and you could even even take it outside of the the you know, this context, and it could be the end of the beginning of
the end. So it's either the beginning of the end is over and now we're in the middle of the end that we're heading towards the end, the end of the end, or it's the end of what was the beginning of the end, you mean of life on earth, or totally up to you. It could be whatever, America, it could be whatever you think you know? Are you? Are you?
I mean because you're you're not You're not shy about doing political stuff when you're working?
You are you? Are you doing politics? And that well I started, I've been more coquettish about it, and I will do it from I'll put my finger in between my lips like this and go, I don't know if I've made a whoopsie. So I'm a little shy about it. Please don't ever do that again. That's yeah, that was very arising. Yeah no, please don't ever do that again.
Okay, well, okay, so you get you don't you get coquetish about policies?
Will way like you don't do it, or you do do it? Or you a fan? I take a like a Chinese fan and I wave it in front of me and I kind of obscure my mouth and then I go, did I make a See you're doing it again? Oh you're doing it? I did do it? Again. I'm so sorry you did do it again. Apologies.
What about have you ever had like because I remember, I don't know, it was just before the I don't know too late sixteen election. I think I was doing a show in Chicago and I'd never seen this before, but I was I don't really do politics in the act at all, Like, no, it's a stylistic choice. I don't like to do it. I feel like I get annoyed at the people I agree with. It's just a it's a it's a it's a feeling. I just don't
like to do it. I used to have to do it in late night and I didn't like to do it. And when I was doing a show in Chicago, I wasn't even talking about politics and a fight broke out in the audience and it was, you know, it was a Hillary supporter and a Trump supporter.
So it was that election twenty sixteen. I guess I was like, I've never seen that. Yeah, I mean I did chows in Glasgow.
Fights had broken out in the audience before I went on stage and then you just kind of worked through the fight.
But I'd never seen it like that.
Do you get reactions to material because people feel, I think, empowered to let you know what they think. Now.
Yeah, I mean not the last tour, not so much. And I think I got a lot of it in twenty sixteen on that tour, the Making America Great Again Tour, And I've always gotten some stuff. Mostly it's less about politics, mostly about religion. When I do those things, and again, you know, people will be vocal and it's but it's never been It's never been a feeling like oh shit and you know it's about to kick off kind of thing.
But in twenty sixteen, that tour had a people walking out almost every show, if not every show, and mostly or at least half the time, they were not vocal about it. They would just leave rump and or but half the time. I think it did one hundred and eleven shows that tour, all you know, internationally, et cetera, and people were very vocal. I had a woman and I want to say it was either Tampa Bay or
Orlando who was Tampa Bay who walked down. I did a lot of anti cop stuff too, and through beer at me, and then when people were heckling her, she was like what she was drunk too. It was Florida. But you know, both barrels, you know, middle finger, like fuck you motherfucker, just screaming and all kinds of shit. And I had it, you know, more than ever that I was used to. I had had that and more
than I certainly I expected. And and again some people would leave quietly and some people would leave very very vocally. And I had a guy quit, a security guard. I was in. I was in Pittsburgh. I was I was at the Carnegie whatever the theater there is, and like Munson Hall or people was which I played. I played,
and it's great. So there's always a bunch of but this guy, there are two guys on either side of the stage, you know, security windbreaker jackets, and and I was doing some Trump stuff and uh and the best part about it was I don't remember the joke, and I don't remember exactly what I had said, but it you could not have scripted the timing better so that when he goes, fuck this is bullshit, I fucking quit, and he tore off his security thing. He's like this
fucking bullet. I quit. And he's tromped up the aisle and he threw his jacket down, tramped up the aisle opened the the back doors, but you know it's all backlit, so you can in the doors close slowly in those old theaters, so you could hear him yelling until you
know everything was done. Fuck this and then and then everybody thought it was a bit because I've done things like that right in my stand up before about plants and and I mean, it was the perfect timing, and it I had to convince people that wasn't a bit. And I was like, don't fire that guy. He's upset, it's okay, he'll come back tomorrow, whatever, don't don't fire him. And and just you know, some some reactions that were
certainly went beyond anything I'd ever experienced. And I've had people angry and kind of threatened me, but I think there were basically empty threats. But that tour was was that was that about politics?
Are really because you said you got it from mostly because I.
Don't do a lot of politics. I really don't. No, No, I was going to say, I mean, it's I mean, it feels like it because it's pretty harsh, and I think people there are plenty of people who consider me a political cup of comedian. But if you go through my material. It's like, I don't know, twenty percent is I mean, that's a lot that's not you know.
I think I think it's like people that are just really touchy about about it now.
I think, yeah, to your point, this is a new there's been a shift. You know, it feels different, and it feels different since and there's a reason it feels different. It's not you know, everything changed when uh, this figure like Trump came and and it was for you know, half the people he was like, fucking finally somebody to you know, say call bullshit on all this shit. And then the other half the people were horrified, like this guy's a fucking I mean, forget that he's a rapist, creepy,
pathological liar in narsis. I mean, he's he's a cun man, he's cunning. And and so half the people are like yeah, and the other people were outraged at the you know, the gullibility that these people had or their willingness to overlook just horrific shit about this guy, you know, and and and just say yeah, he's he's gonna you know,
he speaks to me and my anti government ship. And then you know that only got exponentially war as time went on and and you know, those people dug in and then the other people became even more horrified, and and families have been torn up and broken up, and you know, people have lost people to QAnon and all that kind of ship and conspiracy stuff.
That's I mean that that's all of that stuff though, the conspiracy theory stuff and the radicalization of people on on you know, on left or right or or not even identifiably left or right, is I think a product of a of an unrestrained kind of mad sewer pipe of the Internet, of the Internet, you know that.
Well, it's just it's it's the perfect storm. It's you know, that guy came along while this the Internet was you know in it's and it's kind of as as four Chan was, you know, an eight chan and the Silk Road and everybody could have this, you know, the dark web where you can go on and and hire hitmen or you know, get it's not really a thing. I I mean because I hear but that I like, I.
Can barely find you know, the home depot app. Never mind the you know, it's like I mean the fact that people can do all of that, I would be I'd be terrified.
Well, first of all, you have other things in your life. Some of these folks have nothing else, and they are so aggrieved and they're they're willing to and they're victimized in their head, in their minds, and they're willing. And it happens. You lose family members, you lose some people, lose their jobs, whatever, and they become this is a righteous journey. I'm on and I'm going to.
But but there is a there's a kind of It's funny because you said earlier on that you had talked about religion, had sometimes you know, talking about religion that'd going you a little bit, and it and it does feel like it has a you know, cult like.
Followings. His very nature feels religious.
When I came up, there was a mula this playing in particularly in the West of Scotland or in Ireland.
If you go into the.
Wrong area with a crowd that seems perfectly reasonable. You can wander into a neighborhood just talking, you know, if you're riffing on stage and suddenly find yourself in a world of fucking bag yeah.
And you don't know, well, there's that great. It's one of the few actual funny things that Wenny Bruce did. I think he's an amazing person. I don't think he's really that funny. But the bit about the guy who plays who insists on playing Royal Albert Hall the American comic, I don't know that. It's a really funny bit, and it's basically the manager talking to him because he wants to play. He's like clearly not ready. The band is trying to talk him out of it, and then he's bombing.
He's bombing, so ends up saying like whatever it is, like you know, up the Irish or something like that, and then there's a riot and they completely destroy It's a it's a very funny bit about but it's a guy panicking because he's but yeah, the whole thing turns on a dime.
What do you do, like, if you're doing a bit about religion, I look, I'm making the assumption.
Tell me if I'm wrong.
I don't assume that you're a person that's hugely attracted to organized religion. I suspect you have a more skeptical take on it. Yes, is it? Is it something in your own life that I mean, you know you if if you're you're you must be nearly sixty, now are you I'm sixty.
Yeah. Yeah.
Have you started to do that thing where you get a little more, a little easier on atheism and stuff as you start to hear the uh the reaper approacheth Oh.
No, wait, what do you mean you either you mean start of all my mortality? I mean, I'm definitely aware of my mortality in a way that I never was. Yeah, me too, man, and you know, not in a scary way, but just a great example of this is for I'm going to say twenty plus years, I have been saying, you know what, I really want to climb matcha Piacho. I want to hike the Inca trail and climb out to Piachu. And I've been saying this for a long long time. And I was a year and a half
ago less than actually I said it. I was in a vacation with my family and some other families that get together for a week in the Caribbean, and we read this big house and there's tons of kids and all that stuff. And I was sitting in this beautiful ocean, placid, lovely perfect weather, ribs ribs on the beach and rum runners right there, and this is I think We've done this, I don't know, for our fourth time maybe, and I was like, this is very nice, but this is bullshit.
This is easy. It's nice, and I want to climb mych peach. I'm definitely going to do that. That's harder and more of a challenge. And at that moment I was like, all right, fuck this, I'm going to do it. I don't care. I'm going to do it. So cut to a year later and Bob Owdenkirk and I went and we hiked the in contrail, which is no joke, and climbed too much of Piachu in the Andes Mountains. And a big part of that, I mean ninety nine percent of it was I don't know how much longer
I can do this physically. You know, I have orthotics, I've got arthritis into I mean, I've got broken bones that didn't heal right, that prevent you know, I just did I just didn't take care of them. And yeah, and now I'm kind of paying the price. And and I just don't know, you know, truly, I don't know. Three years maybe, so we did it, and that's a good example. I guess that's a positive result of going. Yeah,
I don't know how much longer. I just I joined the gym and I started working out and doing more upper body stuff because which I hate. I hate, I hate own the gym, but because I my metabolism has changed dramatically. And I read this thing about and Bob was telling me, like, you at you know, like late fifties. From then on, you will lose your upper body strength very rapidly, and you need to keep on top of that.
And I've got a seven year old and I want to be able to do everything I can with her, So you.
Know, yeah, I feel exactly I have to do the same thing. I feel like when I was about twenty five, I turned for A and I stayed for A until about eighteen months ago. And now I'm in my sixties, I'm like, what the fuck happened? Like it's just it's noticeable, Like I have to do all that upsy downs's in the morning that pushed me, pill used and the and all that. I don't go to a gym because I I fucking hate gems. I'll tell you the only reason I do.
And I have the same philosophy. I don't need to go. I know that I don't. It's a, Uh, it's money that I could spend somewhere else, and I can do all these things by myself. But the reason I got a gym membership and we'll sign up for workouts is because I'm very frugal or money conscious and I will if I pay for it, I'm going to do it. I'm serious, and that makes me go to the gym. Whatever you have to do to motivate yourself, and that's yeah, that's it. I did this thing where I was on
Instagram for a while. Do you do the social media? I have a presence, but I'm not on it. I don't have the apps or I don't go Twitter saying that as well, but I had.
There was a titan there when I was on it, and I was looking at it as well as as like posting things like yeah, I'm on tour here or see the podcast there and all that. I was actually looking at it and there was endless I guess. You know, you look at one thing and then the void looks into you and it sees what you like and it starts giving you more of that thing.
I think that's how it was due they I'm sorry to interrupt and get back to this but they the phone will listen to you, right, Like if I talk about beef jerkey and I just did, my phone's right here, here is right. If I'm gonna say beef turkey to you two more times, beef turkey, beef turkey, I will start getting ads for beef jerkey. Fucking beef turkey. That's weird, just as my phone heard me. Yeah, well, I don't want. I don't want to get adverts for beef jerky. And
on my phone's on too. I'm yep, I just got one for beef jerky. But the but the thing is is that which which beef turkey? It looks like it's a terryaki beef jerkey. I don't mind the Yeah, that is the good stuff. That's good. Listen.
So I go on the Instagram and I'm looking at this is what actually.
Finally I said, okay, that's enough.
I found a bunch of exercises apparently the soccer player Ronaldo justin Ronaldo does and I go, all right, I'll do that because he's in good shape.
Yeah, I'm going to look like that.
Yeah, he's like he's like one of the greatest athletes in the world, and he's like twenty five or twenty nine or something, and it's like, I'm sixty two and I've eaten a lot of fries. There's no way I can I can do that. And then so I started doing it, and actually it's made a difference. I do these exercises in the morning. But what the reason I got off the social media thing is because I was looking at exercise things like ways to improve your dad
bod and all that kind of stuff. This guy came up, this creamy motherfucker. He was like this guy in a tanny and I heard you describe it. Actually one of these twenty three scaredoo mustache. That's you're lying, right. He is one of those, and he's all buffed up. And he said, you're going to be fat and flabby all your life unless you do these three things.
Fuck. I said like fuck you yeah and deleted the app. Man.
I've never been back, and I don't know why it made me so angry. I just feel like I don't like being played like that. And I feel like social media just fucking plays you, you know it.
That's how it's designed. I mean, that's how they make their money, I know, you know.
And I feel like the real quandary is about it, like, you're on tour, so you're doing you know, I know you love me very much and you want to.
Talk to me for an hour.
But the reality of it is, you're on tour and you got to you know, you got to get the news out there.
You're on tour.
Yeah, and you do that for I do the same thing. But it's when they say when you have to create content for Mark Zuckerberger elon Musk, you have to do little shows for nothing for them so that you can be in the business you're in. I don't know, man, it kind of seems a little weird to me. I don't see it that way.
I see it as a mutual beneficial I don't like I'm not easy about it. I don't engage in it. I don't do these things. I don't have a whole lot of I don't put a lot of value in these little sixty second things. Most you know, most of these things people do. There's TikTok things and whatever. But it clearly is benefiting people. I mean, I'm sure, I'm I don't want to say I'm struggling to sell tickets, but I'm not selling out like I used to. I used to sell it very relatively quickly. And I still
have to like really push stuff, really push stuff. And I've been doing you know, been in the business for what forty almost work for whatever it is years. And but there's some kids I say that as an old person, so not kid kids, but you know in their twenties, right, who are selling out arenas who just you know, they did tiktoks and they did crowd work and all that stuff. I don't I don't begrudge. I don't like it, but
I mean it's the way the business has gone. But they worked, they worked it, they found this thing, and you know, I don't I don't think they're particularly I mean some of them are, but I don't think they're particularly good comedians. But people don't give a shit.
Well I think also the thing is that you know, you when you talk about like being in the business for four years, which I guess I have to, I mean that you do it for a long time, you start to realize and I have noticed that you said it yourself. You know, you're not selling tickets like you did a while back, and you have to work hard to do it. But you know, one TV show thing happens, one thing happens with you, and suddenly, like maybe you get canceled or something, and then you sell a lot
more tickets, you know what I mean. It's like it's a kind of up and down thing. I think that I came into comedy through music and you know, being in bands and stuff.
And I always think it's kind of like there was always been the Beatles, right, was that you were in the Beatles? That's right. I was in the Beatles early on, though, very very early on. But back when they were the Silver the Silver.
Beatles, that's right, right, and it was still it was ee where the B E E.
They changed it to E A after I left, Yeah, because an actual Beatles sued. Yeah, the actual Beatles were like, no, you can't do that. But I know, I remember even by then, those bands like the Base City Rollers and those bands like the Rolling Stones. At a certain point in their career, the Base Heity Rollers were selling more records than.
The Rolling Stones for a minute, right, you know. Yeah, And and I don't think it went that way the whole I look, I haven't followed the career of.
Well the They were also an educational band because they helped you spell Saturday night, you know, and that's a thing that kids needed. So they became really popular in grade school, like how do we spell Saturday? Spell Saturday? And listen? And I think were you into the bass that Rollers?
Was that?
The was that the right? I knew that song. I knew that song. And they all had the scarves and the you know, Scottish that's why they were. They were from they were from Edinburgh. You should do. And I'm keenly aware of why you mentioned all the possible bands to mention you mentioned bas well. Look, I met, I was.
I was toyed with the idea of Huba Stank or the bass that Rollers.
I didn't know. I don't know. Huba Stinker a great.
Band for comedy reference because they've got that hard k at the end and the ou on the way to the hard sha. And also it's one of these names that you forget and then you remember right away when somebody says that, you go, oh, yeah, I remember that.
Really that was They were part of that like nineties so cow ye, weren't they like the so cal kind of sca revive or adjacent to that Terribles There was that era there for like three or four years where it's like the new skuf so calm. Yeah.
The Scott the Scott thing was was a revival even when it was Scott back when they were doing like Scott was Madness Senties. Right, It's like a Selector, Yeah, the Selector that was all arrival and he wasn't the.
Bad Manners and yeah, Bad Manners, Madnesness Selector.
But there was that great band, the Special Specials. Yeah, they were a great band. It's funny because I think of you. Maybe this is why I think of you as being too cold, because I think of you as somehow being part of a more kind of nightclubby undergroundy music type comedy.
Oh for sure. Yeah, that was in part and great part because I was in Atlanta in the in the early mid eighties and then uh moved to Boston in eighty like eighty four, I want to say, a beginning of eighty four and then LA. I was in Boston until I was in la in ninety two, I think. But all of those scenes were thriving right when I was there. Right, So Atlanta had this really cool.
Artsy So you were saying they were thriving because you were there, Hey.
Man, I'm just saying I'm not saying nothing right. You know, it looked at the commonality. It was the commonality. Look what happened. Look what happened. I feel the same way about you know.
I was in sitcoms and then when I left the Drew carry show set cooms just died. And then when I when I left Late Night, late nights over, nobody is sure. So I feel like I'm in a similar position the but you were correct me if I'm wrong, I have got in my head that you were at Emerson or something right that you were in.
I could that you can. For just for a very brief, very brief time, I went to Boston to go to Emerson, dropped out very quickly, stayed there because the comedy scene was amazing, right, and it was so is during the comedy boom. And so I was the recipient of a lot of luck in that the comedy boom was happening, and they just had everywhere there were shows Chinese restaurants
and bowling alleys and you know, nightclub whatever. There was a show every country, western bars, so they had to fill those slots.
I feel like it's like that no as well, I feel like that's back. I think there's it's everywhere. Yeah, it's like, like, but why I don't understand. And I've said this a few times on this podcast. I came to comedy because I was like I failed to other stuff and then and so it was kind of like being a real turn for me.
I like, I didn't. I didn't. That is the perfect You could not pick a better job than where people. Nobody's going, I want to be real. Nobody wants to be a real.
You fucking you just start your life going, you know, what do you want to be when you leave school? I'm looking at realtor. Nobody wants to be a fucking realtor.
It's very true. And that's that's.
What I felt like, particularly with doing Late Night, I was like, I didn't want to do this, but they offered it to me and it's decent money, and I kind of I still And this is one of the things I struggled with with aging, is that I don't feel like I found my thing yet.
Yeah, well that's interesting.
And do you feel like you know you're because I meet people and maybe you're one of them. They're like, no, I want like I feel like I don't know Jerry Seinfeld, but I feel like fourteen year old Jerry Seinfeld is probably like, I know what I want to be and just went ahead and did it.
Early on, I knew that I wanted to be in comedy or film or creating something in that world. And then right at that kind of at that same time I got stand up was like something. I'm like, I'm gonna do stand up, and I you know, part of it was I, uh, where I live sucked and I was miserable, and and comedy was the kind of you know, you when you meet other nerdy kids who are in a comedy, like that's your pack, you know, that's your Some people are in gaming, some kids are in the
D and D, some kids are you know whatever. Me and my friends were in the comedy and we you know, and uh, and I knew it was it was gonna. I wanted to do stand up. Not that I was always going to do stand up, but I knew that I wanted to do it, and from a pretty early age.
It's an interesting thing. I've talked a lot about this as well, that stand ups good ones, uh, which you are the Oh, it's just a fact I'm not you know, but stand ups of a particular type, and I feel you have it. It was my wife who said this, they all they all have the same mother, you all have the same mother. And I was like, oh yeah, and she went, yeah, cold with bad boundaries. I was like, cold with boundaries. I think about my own mother, and I went, well, that kind of that's I wouldn't say
that's true. My mom's not cold. I mean, she's an odd lady. She's very.
Not proactively antisocial, but she's not a social person at all, right, and is very bookish. We'll just read so, I mean the last fifteen years. It's like she's got her kindle. She'll read. She reads a voracious reader, So read, read, read, or play candy Crush type things, and that's a lot of what she does. I might be your mom different.
I don't play Candy Cross anymore. I play Royal Match, which is kind of like.
I do too. Oh my god, my shit. Yeah, I am so addicted in an embarrassing way.
I can because I can tell you right now with Levlomo.
Let's yeah, tell you that's so wild. And also this I was I play this Cordal Mortal. No, I haven't, man, Okay, I am Oh gosh, I can't tell you.
Yeah, because you're in the middle of a game. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly my problem. I'm round about four five hundred something like that.
Yeah, that sounds about I don't know if I'm quite at that level, but I'm certainly close to it. But it's genius how you're on a timer sometimes. And that's why I stopped my game because oh, if I'm going to get if they're going to give me the double points or the two time multiplier, I can't finish this because that's for fifteen minutes. I need that in order to collect enough. They keep you whatever royal thing coins, because then the coins I can use you used to
get the bonus thing those things. Yeah, well, here's the thing. It's genius.
I used it as mathadone to get off of social media, because.
Yeah, well same here, same here, same here, exactly, I've traded one. It's sort of like, you know, the idea of I was an alcoholic, but now I'm addicted to alcoholics anonymous and you know, or Christ. Now I found Christ right, And so you're saying I treated you're saying Royal Match is the same as Christ. I just want to make sure I've got you quoted. No, I'm not. No, I'm saying the same as I'm more Taoist. So i'd say, well,
I don't know what the Dawist and Edity Budotists. I don't know, but I traded in the screen time that I was, you know, spending on Twitter on Instagram that made me feel feel bad. This doesn't make me feel bad. It's kind of fun and it just makes me feel relaxing. Yeah, and it's uh and I think that's it. It's it's harmless.
Well because what I well, I got you know, I told you about that creamy guy with a mustache telling me how I was going to be out of shape my whole life. And then the just flicking through things and you get like, because it's fishing to try and see what you want, you'll get horrible image of a murder, people fighting in a store, or you know, it's like somebody just text you or me.
I think that's you. Oh wait, it's Dug. It's s Dug.
I think what they're saying is that we're now getting into time.
Yeah, wind it up, wrap it up all right, chatterbox, put it, put a zip on it.
Well, hold on, is just a second? Hold on, just a hold on, mister, take control?
What about?
I want you to talk to me a little bit about the tour, because not only do I want to plug it, but I want to know what you're doing. So when you go out, you don't necessarily go out and say I need to be and then leave the stage and I have someone else do the first five minutes.
It could happen doing it. Oh, it would not happen in the first five minutes, right, Okay, I will go to the bathroom before I'll hold the fucking show before. No, I'm talking about if it's you know. Also, sometimes I'm I'm very uh in a in a good way. I can be self indulgent and and I'm happy to stay up there. I'll stay up there for a long time. And it back in the you know, early days, when I was doing music venues and I'd have a band open up for me, and it was a big, crazy,
drunken night. It was really fun. And I mean I would do hours and in fact, I I would just kind of go until I had to go to the bathroom and I'd say, you know, it's been two hours. I got to go but I'm not kidding either, you know. But and then you know, I'm drinking while I'm doing the show, And so.
What I'm getting is that it's not it's not disciplined is the wrong word, but it's not it's not structured in a very formal way.
Then how you do it? No, that's that that is not correct. It is definitely structured. But I play within that structure. I couldn't. I don't go I'm not one of those guys. I'm not gifted like guy who can just riff for you know, an hour and a half. I'm doing bits. These are bits I've worked on, and uh, you know, I've done a bunch at this point, getting ready for the tour and working on the bits and either you know, editing them down or flushing them out
or just dropping them. I have the structure, I know, the sequencing, which is one of the hardest parts of putting a set together for me, at least. I have all these disparate ideas and it's like this doesn't go here, This should would be better here at Vienna, this would be better. This following this with this is kind of you know, clunky and whatever. And then when I'm out on the road because of the nature of how I do it, and I'm always I'm mean, I will acknowledge
whatever is happening in front of me. If we if if somebody's at the bar and some glass brain, whatever thing happens, if.
The security guard says fuck it, I quit and storms up, Yeah, you wouldn't just ignore it.
Yeah. I don't ignore that stuff, especially if everyone's hurt. It it's just me and you got to go through it. But if it's a if it's a there's a disturbance or whatever the thing is, we'll address it. And that's easily mind for material. It's fun. It makes the show kind of unique. It's fun for me to do. You know, I suppose he's just doing joke joke, joke, joke, choke, choke, choke joke, good night. Do you have a what's your
phone policy? With? Oh? Absolutely, you know, signs and announcements, no phones, there's no excuse you pull out your phone. You can go to the lobby and use your phone if you have to call a babysit or whatever. But you pull out your phone security, I'm sorry, you're gonna have to leave. And I've been doing that for a long time, and almost nobody disrespects it. I mean everybody. Most people are happy with that. They're like, good, but
the fucking phone's away. I feel the same way because I heard it.
But guys putting phones and bags and all that, I'm like, fuck it, it doesn't matter, you know.
I did that once on this little mini tour and it was not It was a pain in the ass. It wasn't worth it. It was annoying to people. I didn't realize they had to come and walk them individually and all that shit. And I was like, and honestly, my my audience is pretty great and they're you know, smart and respectful. And I'm telling you, when there's like a no phone policy, people are like, good, yes, thank you. Yeah.
I know, to have an experience which isn't digital is uh yeah, is a fucking relief. However, this experience was being gorgeous and digital and that was a beautiful setting. I'm a fucking my friend.
Yeah, that's good because the tour.
I have a great time, especially when you're doing Glasgow and Edinburgh. In Glasgow, my tip is bring up the Religious Wars of sixteen ninety. That's always I have a twenty minute chunk on that. All right, I have a great time with that. Maybe we're a crash helmet. It's lovely to talk to you, David. Thanks very much indeed for doing this show.
Absolutely thank you.