Aisha Tyler

When I do live gigs around the country, I'll be honest with you. I sell T shirts and swag to the folks who are there, and then people always say, can we get this swag without sitting through a whole evening of you. Well, it's happened. It's finally here. You can buy Craig Ferguson merch on the Craig Ferguson Merch website and you can buy it for yourself or someone you hate or someone you love. For more information and link to the web store, please go to the Craig

The late night show.

And she is maybe the coolest person I know. Now I know some pretty cool people. She's certainly in the top fifty. She's very very cool. Aisha Tyler, how are you?

I'm so good?

Is your coffee tasty?

I love this coffee.

It was described to me as a blonde Americano.

That's right.

Strange sexual subtext with the coffee, but it's got but if a.

Do belong tone, If you don't mind me saying it really does, I don't mind it at all. This is from a new company called.

Never heard of Them? Yeah, no idea that right.

So somebody just told me you've got a cocktail company.

I started a cocktail company. Yeah, you know. I can't remember the last time I saw you. It's been a long time, a long time in person anyway.

Right, Well, let me tell you this because I don't know if you knew the time. I think you did, because I think I said it to you, like because you were when I when I quit late night, they said who do you think should take over?

And I said I used to Oh my god, thank you for that.

I thank you, But no one listens to me.

So because no one listens to me either, because the whole.

Time I was doing that shore, I was worried about, you know, my weight and my accent. And then you pick a fat guy with a working worse accent than me. I'm like, what, that's not right at all? Are you still working? For CBS.

To me, yeah, I still work for CBS. I'm Criminal Minds.

And well now Criminal Minds is on Paramount Plus, so it's it's like the parent organization is it's not CBS anymore.

Minds is like an institution though it's it's.

In its seventeen season, which is just like a mathematic impossibility.

Right, You've called you must be really rich. It was like seventeen seasons and then.

You're like, I've only done seven seasons, so I'm only.

Oh yeah, so you're still in the kind of like fifty bucks an episode.

Still I'm still world building.

But but yeah, I mean, I I realize now that I had been working for CBS in some capacity or another for probably two decades.

My god, you know, I had done. I had done.

I had like a couple of overall deals there, and then I did Ghost Whisper and then I was on you know, The Talk, and I did c S.

I for a season.

They was really they really love you.

I don't know if it's me. It's a company of loyalty. I mean, I think they bet on their own good instinct. Right, It's like if they bet on you, they believe in you, they stick with you.

I never really worked for them, No, No, when I was doing late and I worked for Dave my Time Slow and CBS on the thing. Yeah yeah, you know.

But did you ever interact with CBS? Yeah a little bit.

No much. I mean I had to go to the building, but not much. I had to have I had to go to some Super Bowls every now and again.

Oh. I just went to the Super Bowl this year because it was it was a really really good game and it was the Swifties versus everyone else. Yeah, the Swifties versus the Internet. Yeah, from San Francisco.

Yeah, just there last year, were you. It's awesome, right, It's a great city.

It's it's in my opinion, and obviously I'm biased, it's the most beautiful city in America.

It has beautiful It's like our Paris.

Right, it's got this it's surrounded by water, it's walkable, there's great restaurants. It's got the most beautiful baseball park in the world. I will, I will actually get into a physical altercation over it.

I haven't been to the base.

It's it's delirious, like it overlooks the bay and there's splashed down alley where if there's like a home run, it goes into the water and they're kayakers out there catching the baseball, and you know, and then at San Francisco's you can get like sushi, you know, like garlic fries at the park.

But because I was looking on social media, which I you know, is a mistake. You shouldn't do that.

No, you shouldn't, and I I'm shocked. That feels out of character for you.

Actually it actually did. I I don't have anything.

And pull out your abacus to look at social media.

Every now and again, I do it, like I download Instagram because I have gone Instagram again. Yeah, And normally it's just like ignore it, yeah, dude, Like somebody says, all right, you're posting. I think about your podcast, like okay, good, this is what we're going to say. Is that okay?

Yeah yeah.

But every now and again I go on it and look at it. I was looking at for somebody in San Francisco because I was go in there. It come up and it's like San Francisco in the hell of San Francisco fire. And then I was like you went and it was like it's birds are tweeting and it's it's perfect it's.

A city because I grew up there. Like that, I find that narrative specifically irritating. I'm like, right, there's always been an intense I don't even say homeless problem. It's just it's a progressive city and people help homeless people. So homeless people go there because they know there are services. They know it's a good place if you're poor, because it's a progressive place and people are going to take

But like you know, I blame Zuckerberg.

I blame in Zuckerberg for most things. I swear to God, I think that that one of the worst things that's happened to the human race in the past fifty years and then, and there's been a few pretty bad things.

It's been pretty bad.

But social media is that's a civilization then there. If we're not careful it is.

It's interesting because I can see the value in it, Like I remember during COVID feeling like they're like, and my Twitter feed is pretty positive because I look at positive things. So like, my Twitter feed was you know, I looked at poppy videos and kitting videos or like my primary source of information during COVID because it was the only way not to lose your mind. But you know, Twitter was responsible for, or at least partly responsible for

I think that I could easily become a radicalized face book mom if I had Facebook. I mean, it was just because I don't I mean, I used to know when I was looking at bullshit and now I kind of don't. It's tough.

It's tough to parse and those I mean, there are elements that are trying to tell you, like everything you see around you.

I mean, this is like a thought, a thought experiment.

What if all of a sudden every message you got was the world isn't real. Everything you're looking at isn't real, everything you've been told isn't real. You can't figure, you can't get back on the Oh, his hand.

Is up, guys. Yes, right, So here's what I think. So you're familiar with the work of Renade the cart.

Right, Yes, but I wouldn't say intimately.

All right, but enough to go to look at When he was like, I've talked about this before on podcasts, but when you use reason, when he went to try and use reason rather than revelation to prove the existence of God, and so he started with that he would doubt everything, right, So you just doubt everything. I doubt I doubt that I exist, I doubt that God exists, I doubt the universe is real. Everything doubt everything. So

It's gonna it may, it may devour itself itself. And you know, at some point, I think X is eventually going to winkle out of existence because it's.

No longer as relevant as I meant the teeth that it had when it was Twitter.

It had literally like a party at four thirty in the morning where like three people are still in there and they're pouring getting all the beers together to make one giant kind of one beer.

Yeah, and they're just in the corner screaming at each other.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But the whole idea of using reason to fight against the power of social media, because I'm genuinely scared. I don't know if I'm scared of it. I'm second it's.

It's worth being, you know, frightened on behalf of people who are living in a space of doubt and can't fight their way out.

Yeah, because their children.

Yeah, And I mean I couldn't even imagine having kids in this climate. Like my mother wouldn't let me watch television. We didn't have a TV.

I read a lot. I mean, it explains a lot.

But she was like, you know, you've got to form your own ideas, You've got to form your own perception of the world.

But reason, Yeah, you've got a reason.

You've got you've got to take in as much information as possible and make your own calculations.

But kids don't do that.

They're being they're being shaped by Forrest's outside of themselves when at their most impressionable. And I was just having a conversation with someone. We really went deep so fast. I was having a conversation my Boos company. We're talking about after after you free yourself out then. But it was that that fear. You know that they are kind of like these primary drivers in the human body, the human mind, and one of them is fear, and that fear and anger are like very closely coupled.

Right.

You know, we're animals and we've only been walking up right for a very short period of time in our evolutionary span. You know, we just figured out how to turn the lights Otherwise we've been around for you know, six hundred years, you know, and we were plopped on the earth with a big fun or jump fake dinosaurs, fake fake fossils, such an elaborate both what a what a what a what a broad sprawling false flag operationating.

If you're an all powerful deity, why would you pull some kind of like.

When you ask people these kinds of questions, right, like who and how and why would somebody spread these false fossils all over the world?

I mean, what's a There's just no way. You can't it can't beget You're.

Just like you'll go fizzle in the corner with your body with the work at the end of the party. But that the fear and the anger because you know we're you know, these kind of cowering creatures that we were living in caves and we're going to be eaten. They serve a purpose, right if you're frightened then and you're you know, you're fearful, then you get angry, then you fight, You protect yourself, you protect.

Your family, you stay alive.

Well, now you know, everybody's driving around in a cushy car and you know, staring at a shiny box, and so all that fear and anger, that kind of natural fear and anger that has been a protective element of you know, our species for so long, is now connected to the Internet and to social media, and so because it's a natural reaction, but it doesn't have anywhere to go. It's tethered to images of these people are trying to kill me, These people are threatening my way of life.

So what do we do? How do we how do we figure out? I have a plan about a cocktail, but we have a cocktail and we watched can you see criminal mindy?

You you are you know, I know you haven't had a drink in a very long time, and I'm always very very long time, which I'm very impressed by.

But you're also like a very sophisticated thinker. I'll take it you well, you are. You're a very high thinker.

My relationship with booze is is is complex, you know, because I love it and I'm a spirit enthusiast.

I don't do a lot. I was. I'm a quality over quantity lady.

Well see that's I would say that was healthy then.

Yeah, I mean, you know, I feel like it's it's something that's been a tool of conviviality.

It's a way to connect with people.

If that's how it's for most people. Just for me it's not, But for most people, I think booze is reasonably healthful.

And I think, you know, to think about it like anything else in the world, like social media or whatever it is, to try to find a way to have a healthy relationship with it and realize if you can't, to put it down right, because I think always a good way to look at it. But I just used to love the experience of going to a great bar, having a great drink, talking to the bartender.

You know, I was a stand up, you know what I mean.

That's when you're a stand up, you have your hour on stage and then the other twenty three hours that you have to like entertain yourself, I know, and you gotta be careful. Yeah, and so I would go to a bar. I would go to a bar, you know, to talk to somebody, because you know, you can only eat bar mix in your hotel and watch Law and Order reruns so many nights before it's.

Well with me. It's criminal minds. Thank you for that, Thank you for that.

And and then I wanted to find a way to create that experience for people who didn't do that, you know, the idea of like, rather than drinking some sad warm beer or bad bottle of wine, to have one great drink at home, but not have to make it yourself.

So will you? Does it come like pre make.

Creemate, it's ready to drink cocktail.

It's the brand is the line is calledhlosophy like philosophy all right, and which stands for the philosophy of elevation. The idea of like, don't drink the worst thing. Have have expression the best expression of what you're.

Going to drink.

Some oh my god in latin.

Eless and so h and so it was really a way of saying, you know, you deserve better, because so much of this is ready to drink stuff is pretty trashy, Like yeah, so we have a margarita. It's the first, the first cocktail that we're launching with.

It's a hundred percent organic.

It's one hundred percent blue ebber agave tequila bottled in Mexico.

It only has three ingredients tequila.

Triple second line, which is all that should be in a margarita, right, And it took us two and a half years to develop. We hired a Citrus PhD, and they know those things existed.

Wait, so somebody goes to college like a fancy call, very fancy. So what's your PhD going to be?

Limes and limes and limes and.

Women apart from limes and lemons, orange, tangerine, yellow, Buddha's hands.

Oh my god, there are so many. I feel such a.

Fool, you know, flung Latin in my face. I had to come back very aggressively.

I'm a citrus eletterate.

That's unbelievable.

There are many others that I couldn't even possibly meant. Oh coume quats, ohquatch.

The come quotes are in the doll Belong Tondre Hall of Fame, along with Lake Tittykarca. Absolutely there's another one as well. I can't remember what it asked the blue Footed Booby, Bluefooted Booby, that's Bluefooted Booby, cum Quats and Lake Tittykarca the.

Dublo Hall Hall of Fame.

Right. The Craig Ferguson Fancy Rascal Stand Up Tour continues throughout the United States in twenty twenty four. For a full list of dates and tickets, go to the Craig Ferguson Show dot com slash tour.

So you are there.

When I said to you earlier that when I left late night, you were my you know, like they said to me, who do you think to take over? And I said, I think, I used to hell of it would be best for it because I think that you had the class and the and the poise that I hadn't done for further ten years previously. Is it something that you would have been interested in?

I was interested in at the time, and I guess hosted. Oh yeah, yeah, A lot of people come through.

Did you enjoy it?

It's so interesting? You know, I love this.

I mean, I you know, I loved coming on the show when you did it. Yeah, Because I came out of stand up radio was a big fundamental part of my life for such a long time.

I love your art of conversation.

I mean, I think comedians passionate comedians.

I mean, and we were very very people.

But I think like at our core, we just love to have a conversation, right, I just want to sit down and like talk shit. Well, there's some guys want to scream at you or you know, our fart or blow something up or you know, bring something with a hammer amel, Yeah, exactly, But.

I think we just want to have the chats, you know what I mean.

I think that's true. But I think there is a generational uh divide, And maybe I'm just like a you know, I'm on my lawn or yelling at people. But you know, I'm not really complaining about it. I just noticed a difference that there is a there is a thing now where people will say I I would like to have a career in comedy, and they make it sound like like it's it's like being a citrus PhD or something.

Want anyone because I'm going to explore it.

Yeah, whereas you know, there are other comedians and I guess it's maybe not that new though, come and say, hey, you know, how about those airline peanuts everybody? Or what's the deal with shoes? You have to tie them? You don't tie them? And I'm like, well don't. I don't worry about that. I worry a lot more about about bigger maybe bigger, but maybe I should be worried about shoes.

I don't know.

I feel like you know you. And then the guys that I really admired when I was a baby comic were the conversationalists, you know, that Bill Hicks's and the Mark Marin's and I was, I mean, you know, Mark's probably gonna just spin off into space, but I just I wanted to be Mark because what it felt like when I was watching him was this is a guy, He's just sitting down and he's talking to the audience, and it always felt really organic and natural.

It felt like a conversation.

I think with Mark is I mean, it's like he's such a I mean, no one would no one embarrassed.

Very choke he's been. He's been improving himself for quite a bit of time.

He's getting better.

He does.

Yeah, he's I think he's involved quite a bit.

I mean, or Tom Rhodes or you know, or the grandfather of all of us, Richard pryor you know what I mean. Where it was you know, obviously a very tortured guy, but it was also this conversation, right, like versus the guys that were like here, poop fart sounds way home.

It was like, this is something that happened to me and you've felt.

I always say to baby comics now, like it's it's important to be funny, but that's not the most important thing.

The most important thing is to tell the truth.

Because if you, if you, you can see when someone leaves a show that was hilarious and when someone goes, oh my fucking god, yeah.

You have to hear what this guy was saying.

When people are nodding their heads and they're punching their friend in the arm because they're like they're feeling something, and then the laugh is like important but complimentary, you know, what I mean, and.

Well, I think what you're talking about there is a live stand up performance, yeah, I mean what exists now that I don't think. I mean there used to be like for a stand up you would try and get a ten minutes for tonight shure, yeah yeah, or ten minutes for the improv for ten minutes, but it was always a ten minute.

Yes, that was supposed to encapsulate your pointing a meal.

Right in ten minutes. And now you have to do that in forty five seconds thirty seconds. I don't know. I mean, I could never do it in ten minutes. It takes me half an hour to start the show, you know, like I'm like, hey, good evening. Well when I say good evening, and you know, and then it takes me.

Once of the word evening. Yeah, you know.

If you look at Renee the card, but he said good evening, he was a citress PhD. But the idea of no, somehow it's different, I don't know. And maybe it's better even I don't know, but it's certainly different.

I don't watch a lot of comedy, and I don't know why that is.

There's not a comedian in living or dead I would pay money you can see.

Right, right.

But then I'm like, why am I Maybe I'm the person standing on my front line, like, oh, you kids don't know what I think about it. Like I used to not watch comedy because I didn't want other people's jokes to get in my head exactly, And now I strangely it's like I'm a retired porn star and I'm never gonna have sex again. Like I'm not that compelled by it. Like I'm not like, oh, let's watch a special I did watch.

Let me just roll you back to the retirement.

That's just one for the kids that I did.

I haven't watched the Gerrod Carmichael special Rathaniel, even though I know it was really popular. But I watched his reality show, which is like really really wild, and one thing that there's a bunch of his comedy in there, and he's doing that thing where he's just sitting on a chair talking to people, right, and there's there's something about like and I feel like you did this too.

Yeah, that's someone who that's the real deal. But but for me, that the idea of stand up it is. I don't like even putting the word comedy on.

I know, I know, I mean, yeah, stand up, stand up.

Yeah, because there's going to be times when you know, no in a club, like if there's if there's you know, chicken fingers coming out and you know, and it depends. I think. I think sometimes you've got to kind of read the audience a little bit and let them find you. But it is odd to me.

That wasn't exciting to me.

That was an exciting kind of math problem to solve walking into a room and seeing where the audience was eating them, where they were like versus coming barreling in, you know, with you know, your T shirt cannon. You know we all did because you know, you're like, I got to get this hour ends, I can get my money and go back to the hotel and drink my oxidized glass of Sauvignon blanc.

Guitar of.

Oh my god, oh this is so off pieced.

Do you remember this was like when I was very much like in my baby years that there was this infamous video of this guy at the punchline in San Francisco who was a guitar comic and he was being heckled and everybody was really like on the comic side and pissed off at the heckler. But then the heckler approached the stage and the guitar comic you just see the guitar like rear out of frame.

And then whack this guy in the head.

And then it comes back and it's just like the neck and a few days he's just creamed this.

Guy with this guitar.

It disintegrated the guitar and you hear the audience just go.

Yeah.

I remember like watching that and we, I mean, we would laugh about it, and I think the guy was I hope the guy was okay, but as like the classic like and that's where he lost.

That's where he lost.

The audience lost, the audience.

When you commit an act of violence on one of them.

It's you're not There's no coming back.

I don't think there is no no. I had a I was doing a show I don't know, because I still do stand up.

I was gonna say, do you still do it?

Oh?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do it all the time, because it's kind of for me. It's like, you know, I learned to play the piano when I was a kid. And although I've played in orchestras and I've written scores for movies and I do that, I still like to when I see a piano and the lunge of the hotel, it's kind of my I like it. I like it and it makes me feel good. And I was doing a show in Texas, I don't know, a couple of

The excitement I mean not great, but still excitement.

I mean really, and the guy kind of he gets taken out and I say, look, obviously we're going to stop the show. And we stopped the show and the audience is kind of sitting there and it's weird, and I go out in the guy's regain consciousness. That Barnley, it was like, you know, it wasn't a bad thing, but the paramedics and we'll take you, take you another look, but we think you're okay. It's like dehydration or something. And it was all right. And I spoke to the

This is how am I going to turn this show?

Like like the the the anxiety and the anticipation of like can I make this work?

Yeah?

And it was a great show.

After that, people must have just been zinging, right.

They were scared. And then I told him it was all right and I talked to the guy. So there's the relief relief, and then there's the running joke of you know, I pretend to faint because I am, and that's what let's talk about him because because you're doing a lot of acting.

Yeah, yeah, I've been lucky to stay pretty busy.

And well, see that's the thing with me. I see, you are one of the smartest people I have met in this time. No, look, it's not a fucking high bar, like you are the tallest little person in the circus.

That's the one with other film of her own assholes. She seems smart, but you are.

I mean that being said, you are one of the smartest people have man in this town. And I get bored with the acting.

And you've also created a lot of stuff for yourself. I mean, you've written and produced and directed all these films, and that's so all consuming that I could see it's feeling relatively draining, you know, it's it's.

It's boring though, I mean, because you've directed movies and that that's not No.

I love directing.

Yeah, oh yeah, I mean I just directed I think my fourteenth episode of television.

You directing The Criminal Minds and.

Direct on Criminal Minds. I've directed the Criminal.

Minds television series show, Yes, the entertainment show. And I've directed Walking Dead Fear the Walking Dead, which was a really cool experience.

I like when that is the that Norman Norman reads.

He's a delightful fellow. He's a great actor.

He's got that kind of like he's got that something. What the fuck is he going to do? Yeah?

Yeah, he doesn't have that good.

Yeah, And I kind of like that and like in a sportsperson or like an any artist, story of what the Yeah.

He's also he was an interesting actor as a young person, and I think this is true of all actors. So I wonder if maybe you'll return to it at some point. Is that you get you just get more interesting as you get older. I think there were so predisposed or so obsessed with youth in Hollywood, but really the actors just get interesting once they've like as Niko Costa used to say, got fucked and got their heart broken, do you know what I mean?

Like you need to you need to live.

And then you see these guys like god, this guy, he's doing incredible work in his fifties and sixties.

Yeah, you know, she's gotten so much more interesting.

She's working all the time because you know, like stuff's happen to them.

Well, it depends, though, on what was your currency at the beginning, because I wondered, this is something that I thought about. Now, this is going to sound a little weird. Let's stay with me a little bit, all right, So you are very beautiful. Oh no, but you are a very beautiful looking person. And I think that it's particularly when you are a young performer, like when you were doing this suit. You know, it's like, wow, look at this.

Mutilating themselves. Yes, strange, it's like an alien race.

You know what I mean.

And then it becomes the tempo for everybody where, like all of a sudden, if you have a normal face like you, you are the one who's an outlier, which I think is so odd. I mean, I mean, I'm lucky I have the benefit of genetics. Like my grandmother was just a young looking lady.

My mom's she's eighty.

She looks like she's maybe fifty five. Like I just I just hit the jackpot. Yeah yeah, But also that's evident. But I also feel like, you know, it's a constant reminding yourself that your currency. And it's easy for me to say that your currency are not your looks. You know, I think Hollywood for men and for women, but obviously more for women is so much about youth and how thin you are and how but you know, like your body is just carrying their fucking brain around, and the

You see male and female stand ups. No, they're like they're really good looks.

Oh yeah, there's that one guy who looks like an underwear model or whatever.

Women who are like oh wow, right, and who was actually who did you watch?

Did you watch the Tom Brady Rose?

I didn't see you all of that so a bit.

That's the the first time I've watched stand up in a very long time, even though it wasn't really stand up. And there was the one Nikki Glazier.

Nicki Glazer set was like a perfect sech.

I mean she's really really really.

Really really funny and she's very glamorous, which also always feels a little countertuitive, but she killed it. And then Sam j like the two the best sets of the night were like these two women, which was just great to see, you know what I mean, Yeah, it was really great to watch.

I've always kind of like I remember thinking right about the time, but twenty sixteen, twenty seventeen, it was one time when I thought, you know, what the world really is lacking right now is Joan Rivers? Like because I feel like Joan was a real counter way.

She was and she was a constant right and she was just a machine.

She was lovely lady. I got to know her like late in life, and.

She she was wow because she was such an institution.

I loved there was a huge fan of her and I never met her.

Yeah.

It was The weird thing is because I worked in Late Night and Joan had this big fallen out with Johnny Carson and Peter Lasally and so they were I was like, let's get John Rivers on the show and they were like, no.

Oh wow, You're like grow up. Also, like how long ago was that pullet together?

Everybody was mad. It was like they and it was kind of weird. There was a couple of people like that, Like I was like, why can't we have them on the show, And they're like wow, because you know.

Because of something that happened in nineteen eighty nine and it wasn't even me.

But know what was interesting is that later on, if I'd have thought about it, oh yeah, fuck it.

But you just forget, you know, and you're caught up in kind of the gears of the machine sometimes, you know.

I think they were a little concerned as well, because when I first started and Late Night, they said, who do you want on the show as your first guest. I said, I would like Kurt wont to get junior first guy. They were like, no, that's.

Not going to happen, absolutely not.

You'll have David Dakovny like everyone else's hell yeah, yeah, and that was a smart guy. Also tell everybody, as it turned out, you can write a bit. Yeah, that's right, he said. He have you written books yet?

I have. I've done two. I did two.

Bucks, I've read them both.

I just you just wanted to make sure I remember.

Yeah, I was gonna because you read mine.

I have, I have fred All.

I just but I watched a movie of yours relatively recently. Was it one where you go to a castle and Kethy?

Yes, listen, I just watched that one recently.

But here's the thing. I'm going to tell you something, and I defy you. I defy you to disagree with me. Right, that's much better than you think it's going to be. That movie. You look at that movie like, oh.

Man, I've got to see this, and you're like, really not that bad.

I love I love that You're like, like just the narrative of the acquittal of your own work, because I mean, it didn't suck as much as you thought it was. I mean, I find you to be a riveting player, like I always like watching you, and Kathy Lee Gifford is consistently Kathy Lee Gifford.

Yeah, yeah, she Have.

You met Kenny?

Yeah?

I mean I feel like I must have done that show like way back in the day, you know what I mean? That era of daytime TV has ended right like that, very I don't want to say strange, but like a very kind of arch kind of Hey, everybody region.

You know what I mean? Like that, like that, that era, it seems to happen.

We just used to be in the record books for being the man who was on TV.

Most long the longest.

Yeah yeah, but none of his record's been smashed a million times by just like kids who film themselves on phone. So it's like it doesn't it doesn't mean a TikTok's destroyed them home. I don't do the tickety talk. I've got a tickety talk. Yeah, hold on to it for songs again. Yeah it goes away. Yeah, yeah, it's gone away.

Right, who knows? It's so interesting. I see why this whole thing is happening with TikTok. But I it's it seems strangely Unamerican. And I'm not saying that critically or non critically. I'm just saying it's very odd for a capitalist government to ban a giant corporation, Like, I don't get it, really, yeah, I don't. So I don't think it's going to hold to take.

No, I think it's going to be there's some I don't know if you're aware of this, but there's some pretty good lawyers in this country.

They are just salivating over. But it will go on for a decade. You know.

By that time, the kids will invent something else they were.

They're hanging onto this until Harry and Meghan did to get divorced. That's the big next legal opportunity is like can we get some of that sweet royal family money?

Can we pull it back? Oh my god?

But the I kind of it's kind of weird to me though, because I feel this could in one and one part of the the like the zeitgeist, I feel kind of disconnected from it, and then the other part I kind of love that I'm disconnected from it. I kind of I am the liberation of like you can be in your own world and you don't have to.

You know, I'm where you are, Like, I feel like the unique nature of where we are with social media is that for the first time in human history, we are essentially and I know, not truly, but essentially connected with everybody else in the world right in a way that we never have been before, you know, I mean

And had rivers been here, then we would have also had great jokes, like what we needed was punchlines for the Arab women demonstrating and driving without face, driving without their head scars.

We really needed Joan to have a head scar joke in there, but that that we're in a unique time and to say to yourself, I'm going to opt out. You're only just going back to the way human existence was twenty years ago. I mean it's not you know, you're not living in a cave. You know, most people, for the history of human existence couldn't fucking put something on their phone and then have a guy and you know Rush or South America read it. It's just this

Like no, And I think it's a it's a little bit like electricity or a knife. I mean, it can kill you or make your tools. It's like it's it's how you use it.

Yeah, I stopped.

I find social media to be like incredibly burdensome, Like I uh, it's a tool that I started using so I could like promote my stand up shows of course, and you know, promote my TV shows. And it's nice to connect with you and my alcohol and my cocka God bless you. My brand new Coca company lock and feed with the new Margarita.

You can pre order it at lasophy dot com organic market.

It's the only it's not the only organic margraine on the market, but it is the best tasting, ready to drink margareta.

That one I'm going to work. I just take my word for it.

It'll never tastetric, punchy, arresting, a little arresty, but it really is very delicious. But so for a little while when I was going to launch the company, I did with with kids do what kids do it?

You know, like Beyonce does you know Donald Clover.

A well, you know, yes, I know, but when the kids are already even it's the Swift Taylor, I don't know if Taylor Swift did this.

Woman.

You you wipe your you wipe your feed right, you remove your feed so there's nothing when people go to see you online, you have nothing in your feed, and then they're like, oh, like it's like a watch this space.

Kind of move.

I don't think anybody would.

They might do well, since you don't have a space, it'd be hard to watch the space.

But may have my spaces on my space.

Everybody, please go back to Craig's Tumblr, pa agency what he's got.

Going on there. And so I had this.

Freedom because I was waiting for the company to launch, where I didn't I wasn't posting, and oh my god, it was like skipping down the street with no shirt on. Like I loved not not feeling obligated to look at my social media and now I'm back to doing it, and it's a big fat pain in the center of my house.

It has I have some experience with it, and it has for me all of the hallmarks of that of how it makes you feel. I'm doing this and I don't want to do it. It makes it does something for me that I that I kind of like, but it makes me feel kind of I resent it at the time.

I can't pull my eyes away.

I'm mad at myself for doing it, but I can't put it down, and I'm wasting my time.

I mean, like, well, here's the wasting time. Thing I think is like, I wonder you've written two books. I've written three. But I'm older than you, right, And also I don't have a tequila company company. But I wonder how many scripts and books and paintings and songs are not happening because of.

Yeah, like what what what can secures haven't been invented? How much further along we'd be in space travel if people weren't looking at cat videos.

Even though I love I do like a kid, I kind of.

During COVID, it was a COVID and the Trump presidency and the world felt like it was unraveling.

Yeah.

The only thing that kept me from like losing my mind mind was just cat and dog videos.

I hate.

I wish it was something more sophisticated than that, but it was like a full It was like a good thirty minutes every day of just looking at like cats jumping off of tinfoil.

Yeah, yeah, touching each other in the face.

Yeah.

Or the dog with the Have you seen the dog with the three card money says it the dog it's a bolder Retriever, kicks the wrong cup and fixed it and then there's only one snack under there.

You've seen the one where the border collie uses a little bridge to go over a river, but the labrador comes something just swims under it.

I haven't seen that one, but I will be googling it immediately.

Oh my god.

Yeah, stoopid like he watches them.

That's that's not a thing.

It's river.

I mean, like that was the stuff that I guess made me feel at in a human time, like purely human.

I was like, this is something deeply delightful that wasn't created.

It contains no narrative and no I know it's not driving the human experience for anyone.

They know.

That's why. I think it's kind of like it's sugar is the ashes, and I like that it's here, I guess. But the truth is it'll kill you. It'll kill your brain. Yeah, I think. Yeah. Do you remember a gentleman called Drew Carry.

I am.

I'm quite familiar with him. I actually saw him relatively recently. I saw him at the super.

Bowl talk about someone growing an of themselves.

Oh my god. Really he has really like just expanded into space.

Yeah, but yeah, in a positive in a pants way, no, no, not a pantsway, and like an intellectual, self actualized way. Yeah.

It's such a it's such an amazing generate. You watched because I you know, I started working with Drew right back when you were on the Drew Carry Show.

Right, I was never on the Drew Carry show.

Who's line?

Whose line?

Yeah?

I took over for him whose line? Yeah?

But but you were I think you were part of the improv.

I was. I did a lot, I mean a lot of stand a lot of improv, I feel like, and I went on his our paths crossed a bunch before whose line?

But you know, it's all a blur.

Yeah, I know, I hear. It's like when people talk about you, did you ever watch BoJack?

I did. I actually did a couple episodes of Jack. All right, Yeah, what did you do? I played.

Aquafina. She was a singing talking dolphin. Oh yeah, dirty, dirty, wrapping dolphins.

Yeah.

I loved bu Jack because I felt like, because I was back in the nineties, I was a famous TV show.

Famous talk show TV I was on I was I was on a TV show in the nineties.

Yes, and it was so if you get the combination of Curby your enthusiasm, BoJack Horseman, and Ray Donovan, that's what it's like to live in Eli maybe with a sprinkling of modern.

Fast that is fair that night. That's a fair assessment.

It's like it's dangerous and awful.

Dangerous and strange. Yeah, And if you don't work very odd it's just like the Internet. If you don't work very, very hard to parse what's real from what isn't, you can get caught up in like the bizarro.

World of Hollywood, such.

A provencial time you haven't moved out.

It's a company town. It's a company town.

It's so weird. Man, you come in and you like, I coming in from the airport the other day and you see a bunch of like billboards for sure as that you know are gonna die, and nobody else in the country has haird of them, and the actors and the producers driving by going well, the billboards up.

We're just talking to ourselves.

Yeah, oh, buddy, of I told me the other day, Ah Man, I can't remember what I was talking about talking to you. He's like, yeah, so if you have a movie coming out, because we're talking about this movie that was really really good but.

Didn't didn't do well. It was a great movie and it it didn't open, was in the.

Big teas the nineties. I feel that way about that movie to this day. It is a great movie and it does.

It might have been it might have been a monkey Man, which I loved. Monkey Man is a great movie.

I haven't even heard.

Oh see, there you go, Depatel. It's kind of like I love Batal. He wrote it, he produced it, he's in it, he directed, I think, and it's he directed it and it's like a kind of a South Asian John Wick.

It's amazing. It's an amazing movie.

It's so awesome.

I loved it, and I did fine, Like it should have made way more money than it did. Everybody goes see it, it's so great, and.

Why not have a cocktail?

Why why not watch it at home stream it criminal minds as an appetizer as you enjoylosophy, a glass of delicious organic margarite hilosophy, and then watch a monkey man so and then after that, if you're still up, you can stream all fourteen seasons of Archer on Netflix. Right.

Oh yeah, I forgot you were.

You know, you know what everything else to do. But so I was talking to this guy, and I was like, this movie should have done much better. It's a great fit. Like sometimes you're like, I know why that movie didn't open, and sometimes you like that movie sucked and it opened for all these other reasons. But this movie should have made a lot more money. And he said, and we were talking about the fact that people didn't know that it was coming out. He said, well, I got to

The actor or the director lives.

So that they think they spend a bunch of money on the campaign and legacy. Oh there's my movie on that billboard and they've done it nowhere else in the world. And so it's just a town that's just talking to itself about itself all the time.

Yeah, and nobody knows what the fuck.

It's crazy. And I think that's the reason why you see people mutilate themselves, particularly actors. You know, it's like, well, I have to be young. Yeah, well you kind of don't.

Not only not only don't you, but it's impossible. Yeah, time is coming for you. You look like a melted candle. Relax yourself, like like we would have just enjoyed seeing you be a human being. But now all we're fixated on is this mutilation, this self mutilation, which you're not.

Oh no, yeah, no, Now I'm going to start with my testicles.

Well, as long as we don't have to look at them.

Well that what I feel is, first of all, they're mostly concealed.

Yes.

Secondly, this is just for you.

You're just doing this for me. This is some you time. And it's so they're testicles.

If they bought it, who cares? Are you even gonna know?

Do you watch have you ever seen that show? Watched?

Oh? God, I can. I'm too squeamish. I've tried, and then like I'm like, oh my god.

It's it's just like an orgy of of like psychological I don't even know what the right word is, like just incredible psych Like it's like the psychological self injury paired with the physical self injury.

It's one of those things that I would watch on the road and you put it on, it's like a marathon, you know.

And then and these people that just you know, that insane body dysmorphia and they are absolutely confident that like having like a chin shaped like you know, like a pip and apple or whatever, it's going to like change their lives.

And it's a bummer man.

And you really think that that show should just be people come in to get mutilated, and then it's like a bait and switch. You think you're gonna talk to these plastic surgeons and then instead, like a psychologist just comes in. You sit down and talk about yourself, not the plastic. Lets talk about your mother. Yeah, yeah, let's talk because it's all with your mother. Also have lips like pneumatic tiahs. It's so it's crazy.

It is a little have you ever seen the show. The kind of counterweight to that is the show on Channel four in Britain called Naked Attraction.

I have, First of all, people who are listening, I know you guys love Craig and he's a delightful and very sophisticated mind.

But Europeans are insane. This show is insane.

Yeah.

First of all, it's it's it's like see and then also Americans are also insane because there's this Naked Attraction show. It's essentially mostly men. I guess there's men and women, but a lot of men women. You see three people, it's kind of like a dating game, but you see three people.

From the neck down.

They're fully no, they're revealed from the feet up, so it goes up the legs and then they're naked behind the screens and it's kind of like the dating game, and it goes up and then you see their knees and then you see there. You get all the way to the job, Get the janital, You get the job, get the ganital, you get boobs, you go up to it. Yeah, well, after after what you've you've been passed that.

Exactly. I don't I don't want to have the steak after I've had this.

Straight to the.

But but I mean the American version of that is naked and afraid, which you know, Americans have to make it even more extreme. Like you in the safe studio, you're not going to get a bug up your whole, but in America, we want you to get bitten by a scorpion directly at the center.

Of your taint. Well you see that.

You know, Look, everyone's got their cank and I don't know how you found out about mine, but that's okay. So I like it center the center of center, which is not it's not a huge area.

There's precisions, precision scorpions.

It's like it's like top gun.

They only exist in a very small area of the South America.

This precision scorpion miniature Tom Cruise has to fly a scorpion up your pats and exactly.

The right point in It's like Star Wars, State on target, stay on target.

Well, see, we're keeping a classy which I think.

I don't even know what we were supposed to do today, but I'm enjoy immensely.

I don't have an agenda. They when I was starting the podcast, they said to me, what do you want to do. And I said, well, I just want to talk to people I want to talk to Yeah. They went all right, they said, but can you can you do a thing? I said, well, I'm not going to do a thing.

Don't you remember the robot. He's not going to do it.

I'm going to do the thing like I'm not going to do a kind of like name five cats. Yeah, like you know, let's you know, it's fucking BuzzFeed started that show, you know, six celebrities who are taller than.

It's also pretty much dead. I think it's like one AI AI robot and a guy.

That have you got the EI on your phone?

No?

I refuse, And in that way you should feel you have company. I'm I.

I use technology as a tool, but I'm strangely becoming more of a leddite as I get older, and I'm like, I'm not letting it in and I have all the tracking things turned off on my phone and I don't want to.

Oh you use it.

I don't use it. I downloaded a couple of days ago chat GPT. Yeah, and I've been asking the questions about God, oh wow, it's fascinating.

So you're just trying to stump the chump as well.

It's kind of a little bit I'm trying to sort of perform a kind of weird my version of the Turing test on it. But I've been asking the questions about the deity and about the idea of a god, and it's it's fascinating because really, what it is, I think, is just Google. It just googles things. It's it's Google.

You.

You could do it with your own face. It's just gging a little harder than you.

It's just like it makes Google feel a little more intimate, but it's not really already.

Has like an AI driven kind of like a curated or an assemblage result now, so like if you ask a question, it used to be that you get pages, but now what you get at the top is that Google looks at all the answers and then writes you a compiled answer based on Yeah.

I do like that function, right, but but yeah, I tell you what I know. It's in San Francis. You're talking about the I is the cabs with no drivers.

Yeah, San Francisco is just that. I mean, it's wild. I know, I know we have them here too, we have never here.

Yeah, they're here. There.

I mean, you know, it's la so there's like three and they're spread out very very far and why But yeah, San Francisco is just going to be like you know that, what's that? What's that movie? The Minority Report? Very soon just people rise cars.

But the.

Was I was kind of like doing a bit about it, and I was talking to do you know Carrie Byron from MythBusters?

But I know the show. Yes, she's really.

Cool and she's up in the city.

I think like the whole MythBusters team is up, most of them.

Yeah, yeah, there, for my money, maybe the greatest show ever on American.

Clas not agree with you?

Is such a great, believable show. I don't know why.

And explosions, science, explosions and fun.

Yeah exactly, Well explosions you've ready to go.

That's fine, That's that's what science plus explosions equals equals.

Come on, kids, it was.

It was the greatest show. And I don't know. I mean, my guess is pretty expensive, but it was a great show.

Well yeah, it was expensive.

And I don't even think I know the narrative, but I think one of the guys and his name is not in my hair right now, passed away.

Great, Yeah, Grant got them. But Grant he built the rule boat on my late night show.

Do you know that?

No, I didn't know.

That was a friend of mine and he said to me it was actually when Twitter was fun. And he said, if you can get me one hundred thousand Twitter followers, I'll build you a robot for your late night show.

See Twitter used to be great, right, So that was fun.

So I tweeted out, all right, we need Grant to get one hundred thousand follows and twitters like forty minutes. And he had even like gout it so and he had he was Robot.

Wars guy and he built just so awesome and he used.

To commend every month and maintain him.

I love.

Twitter was also a place where you could just if you rolled over the middle of the night and you were bored, you could write a fart joke and everybody would laugh at your fart joke.

It used to be a really, really fun place to just screw around. Yeah, that's dead. I think we'll have msk ruins everything.

Yeah he can't. Well, I'll tell you what. That fucking truck that's that's bullshit. I don't care like that's I do it. Lou Black I saw doing.

Run do a bit about it.

It's like a boat. You know, it looks like an amphibious car as what that thing looks.

You know, it went straight to stonewashed Dannim in like thirty seconds, you know what I mean.

It was like, oh my god, yescause it was emerging from the assembly line.

It's like it went straight cool de Laurian, Oh cool Lan immediate.

Glorian's kind of done the reverse reach around and now it's almost ironically cool. But I mean, maybe in twenty five years Elon Musk goes to jail for trying to keep his company up by sailing cocaine, then you might have a story.

That could be pretty cool. I mean, I wouldn't I wouldn't rule it out.

Yeah. Anyway, I was talking to carry Byron in San Francisco and I was talking about the driverless car and I said I was kind of like being shitty about it, and she went, let me tell you something. I use them all the time.

Yeah, a lot of people do. I'm not going to do that, but yeah, I said.

I'm not going to do it. She said, you know what, I've never got in a driverless car and had the guy hand on me asked me for my number. Be creepy? Is he getting near my house?

All that stuff?

Is he intoxicated? This place smells like the car smells like weed or listening to nekel Back. I can't can't be trusted.

Yeah, yeah, Huba steink. This This is not right. Huba stank. But I don't know. I mean I kind of get it. And then I said, but they're tracking you in the in the car.

Oh, it's too late. We're tracked.

That's the thing.

That's the thing that you and I and our curmudgeonly anti technology positions need to take in. And really just we know a lot of we're boned. They've been tracking us for a really long time now. And the whole idea that you're going to get off the grid is just it's it's past, man. That opportunity is over.

The good thing is that all of the behavior that I exhibited, the better off grid is well in the rear view mirror.

For me, anyway, Like if they want to, God, you got your dirt done before cell phone camp was like by n ninety two, I was like, you can watch me whatever you want.

All I'm doing is going to whole food.

Man, you want to dig up some records of what I've done, You're gonna do a library and look at a micro first, right.

That's right. You're going to have to go to the Glasgow Police Department and talk, you know, and give cash money to a target.

You got know the doing decimal system to look up the stuff I did back in the eighties.

Well, the truth is though I wasn't I mean, it wasn't even I was doing anything. It was just embarrassing, shitty, fall down drunk behavior. Yeah, I waiting for kids.

Know that.

You know, you you do something stupid or you fail as a stand up right when you've got it. If you want to be a stand up, you have to fail. It's part of the Process's.

There's no way around it, right, It is part of it. I mean like literally, to get funny, you must bomb you, yes, you must yes.

And now that I mean bombing is is kind of like it's so an integral part of the process. If you remove that and they kind of have to, or if you bomb and it stays and around forever.

Ever forever, or or just the guys that are doing those like stupid lazy, bad jokes, you know, the ones that like every well not every because a lot of young comedians are trying to lean into intellectualism or trying to be original. But the guys that are just doing the racist stuff for the sex oft stuff, the fart stuff, you know, and and ed is memorial forever, and then you know, now you're thirty, you're like, well that guy

Yeah, that's what I feel about writing books though, because I wrote I've written some stuff, and I know you've written two books. I've read them both, and yeah, the that I wrote some stuff down when I was younger and I look at.

It now, I go, yeah, it's funny. I don't know that I and I haven't looked at my stuff in a long time.

But because I was thinking about republishing my first book, like the rits just reverted to me and I'll say, maybe I'll do an maybe I'll turn into it. Oh you look like you know, like rewrite it and re release it, right, And I was like, I don't think I have anything there that like I would cringe over. There's just like a lot of like just simplistic thinking. I mean, it was a long time ago, right Like I was just like not that sophisticated, do you know what I mean?

It's a snapshow who you are in the moment. I mean the problem is if if you get too many snapshots that it starts to look like that's who you are, right right? You know if I write a book when I'm thirty years old and then it's sixty two nearly, I feel differently.

Yeah, well you've you've experienced a bunch of stuff. You are different. You are a different person. You're a different assembly of cells.

But you know what one's the real one?

Yeah?

And then you got the problem of well time does it fold?

Or this is a question for the AI in your phone? This is a question chat?

Yeah you wait, chat time?

Phone? You were you were?

You were in the prime cycle of like introspection, right like this is the part of your life where you start thinking about what does it all mean? Oh? Yeah, and I'm going to ask you a big question since this is apparently a big question hour did you look at the web telescope.

Pictures like the pictures of space?

Yeah?

That really fucked me up. Like that was that was the thing that really put me into what does it all mean? Headspace for quite a bit of time, because there were they were beautiful.

They were like the.

Most kind of detailed pictures of space we've ever seen. And there was one of them, and it's got something like three hundred thousand galaxies in this one image right right, and they're pointing them out to you, these little worlds, these old spirals, different colors, different shapes, different sizes, and they said, so, within this one photo, there are three

And then of course there's those infinite grains of sand.

We could be looking at any part of space and see another three hundred thousand galaxies filled of billions of stars.

It could not be there because it's taken so much time for the light to get here. You're million years.

Exactly, and so like, I mean, so then this little puny computer that's telling you about whether God exists, I mean, this.

Is just wow, some kind of stage play you do.

You do come with me? And this is this is a good question because I watched with.

That's why you should drink lots of drink to Grock.

But here's the But here's the thing. I when one of my boys was about ten years old. You watch a lot of YouTube videos at the universe and you know, lego stuff. So I'm not in this universe thing and it was only usual. I can't remember what it was, but it was. It was as you describe. You know about the trillions and billions and things, but mostly what our the observable universe is is nothing.

It's just emptiness, right, black hole.

Yeah, like so as much mass as you can see, but within between that mass is just nothingness, infinite nothing, that's infinite.

Nothing.

Oh, I have to lie down.

And so the best I've ever felt in meditation or in any kind of God contemplation, or quietly in a church, or in a or in a field, or or in a in a moment of face down in a damp puddle, whatever it is, whatever thing is when the scorpion is the right center of the day, whenever you it's always about silence. And then I think most of the universe is silence. And there's a quote in a there's there's

Slacks slacks in a meadow with your family assembled around here.

I mean, it's so beyond fucking ludicrous, it's insulting. The I don't I don't have any kind of grip on the idea of of an after life, but the idea that the silence exists infinitely, I find that quite comforting.

Yeah, I mean, I I can see how you would.

It could also really just kind of rock your world, depending on you know, your framework.

I think two things.

I think that the thing I've become very comfortable with knowing is that I am never going to know. I can make some decisions I can hold on to some perceptions, but that the universe. Because one thing I thought a lot about after the web seeing those web photos was like, well, then what's beyond that and what's beyond that and what's beyond that?

And that is just ungroppable to the human mind. It can't be groped.

There's just no way just understood right like that, there's but like comprehensively understood, like there's just no way, which is why we've created a guy and this guy who's peering down over the side of our fish bowl looking at us and you know, fucking us up and ruining things, because otherwise, if you think about the vast expanse of space, it's it just goes on forever, and you're trying to reach beyond that with your mind and it cannot be reached.

Or, as Saint Augustine of Hippo said, trying to understand the mind of God is like trying to pour the ocean into a cup.

You're not it's just to do the creatures, you know, And we're pretty we're more advance than we've ever been. I imagine we'll advance further if we don't destroy this place and blow ourselves out.

Have you seen Oppenheimer.

I have I have pretty hilarious God a laugh a minute. Although you know the.

Murphy character, he could lose a little way.

Like Jeff Peterson, like, oh my god, God. And even in the movie they say to him something I think.

I mean, I think in real life he was a guy who just lived on tobacco and you know, meditating on the determination of human life.

He was on the old Late Night Show and he's he's lovely. He's such a nice guy, a nice guy, and I'm very envious of his.

Really thoughtful actor.

I saw him, I went to Uh, there's an Irish there's like an Irish Oscars.

Every year it's.

Called the It's called God because your Scott is.

I'm gonna let you touch it, but you're gonna have.

Irish people do love they love this buds though. Oh they love the spuds and uh. It's called the Oscar Wild Awards and they have it at Bad Robot in Santa Monica every year and they kind of honor all the Irish, you know, the different Irish artists that have been nominated. And this was a big year for Irish artists. I mean, there were a lot of nominees and he was there at the killing, was there at the very beginning. And he's just about the most delightful guy. Like he

He's the most serene.

Yeah, cool guy, He's got something for sure.

It's just you know, I just said hi to him for a beat, and you know he's I'm sure, being dragged in every single direction. This what I love about Oscars because almost everybody in the town is no nomination, nothing, no way, in no way they related to what's gonna happen on Oscar. But there's twittering around town in a skirt. I'm like, you're not nominated for shit.

Go home? Why are you dressed up on a Tuesday at go back? Go home, have a TV dinner and you know, do you know what I think?

It's like I remember once doing a corporate gig and eating the second most successful car salesman in the Grand Rapids area.

I cannot this is like the fucking Oscars.

It's like it's exactly like the os because everyone gets dressed up, gets in the stupid cars. And walks in and who is going to be the greatest the second art car salesman in the Grand Rapids area, A fucking.

Oscars is exactly the relations gym. Well done. You are an inspiration runner up.

This is for all the little fat kids out there that wanted to sell automobiles and didn't know if they.

Can follow your dream. For all of you out there who never believed in me, you can suck it. You suck it.

Oh my god, we've been talking for way too long about Oh no, yeah, will you come bined and do another one?

I love talking to you that much. I love talking to you. What a delight you are just great, You're great. It's great to see you in person.

It's great to see you. And and good luck with the cocktails. Criminal man, I came in here to.

Talk about criminal minds at my cocktail company, and we just talked about the vast expanse, the unknowable, unknowable nature of God and the universe.

What the fun do you think it is?

And after you listen to this episode, you will

Need a drink to philosophy dot com get and I get it.