Producer Molly's Monday Morning Joke Off Debut

We got get you the morning.

Every day adelaides a good job and Monday Morning joke off humor Joe's humor. Inject me with that beautiful funny serum, and let's just start the week, right, shall we?

Yeah?

Sure, all right, you want to kick things off, you'll to you can. Okay, Bear in mind as well, have a very very special guest making their day boot and that has produced a molly.

All the nerves I actually am.

You're only as good as your first joke, that's what they say.

Yeah, well, I'd have low expectations. Okay, all right, sure, all right, if you go Okay.

One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was that the bush for so long, the other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream. WHOA, they're young. Though they're young, they don't know any better.

Okay.

All of a sudden, the second boy took off, runting from the first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took up after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away, and the boy said to his friend, well, Mum told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone. And something felt like it was getting hard, so I ran. Maybe it was good that I got got that out of my sister first.

Also, Molly, did you just snort? It's fine?

So who's up next?

I feel like Martin is now kind of too much on part with yours. AnyWho?

A bit of a blue thing? What about this?

A man walks into a.

A man walks into a psychiatrist appointment wearing nothing but cling film. Yeah, a psychiatristics one look at him and says, well, I can clearly see your nuts.

What does he mean? Exactly?

All right?

So much pressure right now? What's the best thing about Switzerland? What is the best thing about Switzerland? Well, the flag's a big plus.

Successful debut for the Monday Morning joke. Very good, nice, eight seconds too late. So yesterday we went.

Are annoyed, Yes that we went out for breakfast.

It was nice. It's nice. Caught up with a friend and we went to the Loose Caboose in Heine Marsh There, great little establishment, great breakfast, fantastic stuff. And look, I didn't know if you eat. I thought you might just get a coffee and then you're like, you know, bugget, I am going to eat. So I ordered the scramble legs on toast part of the menu. And what you can do as well, we can add a little side part of the little sides option on the menu. It's

The menu.

Here we go is what I'm saying. Correct so far it's not incorrect. So Jodi and I've always thought this as well, the absolute audacity the balls for people to order something that's not on the menu and just assume that the chef will one be able to make it and two not put fecal matter into it. In disgust, so I sat there in shock and I couldn't sort of compose my so for a good five to seven minutes.

Okay, this is the part of the story that you haven't mentioned. You shamed me so very badly, Like the look you gave me when I said, may I please create an omelet and he was like sure, what would you like in it?

Tomato? I was like yes, cheese, I was like indifferent.

He's like sure, and his eyes were rolling around like a windmill. It's unbelievable.

And then he said would you like bacon in it? And you very well know don't eat bacon?

Right, So here's the thing, and so I did you stopped talking. I'm on the waiter's side.

The look that you gave me.

I was so ashamed to be creating this omelet that I was like, step back, and I have agreed to the bacon. And that omelet was so full of bacon, man like, it was like a bacon omelet, and I was like, I can't eat that.

I don't eat.

So Jody ordered an omelet that wasn't on the menu, and then when the omelet came out had to look at it and said, I don't want that. Jody and then said no to the special item that she ordered on the menu, saying no. I didn't say no, he said no, I don't want this. Flip the table.

So this is absolute bullshit.

There was no table.

I ate.

I ate the omelet, and I've got to say that might be the best omelet I've ever eate in my life.

Well, you're welcome, and.

You said no to it, and then we spoke to the chef afterwards because I felt like we had to apologize. We have you since put up a positive Google review like you said you would.

I don't know how.

Oh, very goodness. That is just honestly, you're lucky you're not sick right now. Because he had every right to chock a block full that armlet up full of ship of his own poo as well. That's why I was trying to be so nice of the waiter as well, to make sure there's no fecal manner in there.

But that you're the good guy in this situation.

I was trying to say, there you go, so we won't be doing that ever.

Sing one one.

There is a new item on that menu though at the Luscbert you must try it. It is the Jody Ody omelet. What do we call it? The odlet?

The following segment is the mature audiences only and may contain a content graphic language and nothing you'll is easily offended.

Well, you're about to find out just.

How easily your father he's on your money. Six nothing, Yeah, just get that stuff out of system, you know, naughty, risky stuff. It's like, just shake it off, get it out there before we straighten up up seven o'clock. You're the leader, the absolute fearless leader in this space. Joe's where you got do not.

Into a court.

Let's see what's happening.

You have brought this to the table, will you talk about it?

Thank you?

Sorry much? Did you hear did you not hear me before I said this. Okay, okay, what should we talk about?

Talk about the perfect breast?

She is the perfect breast.

So a new study has claimed to have cracked the code on the ideal breast shape and size.

This is quite an interesting conversation, isn't it that I never thought i'd be having on radio?

Well, you're the boy, so I'm going to throw it back into your court. Is bigger better in terms of breasts?

No?

No, I don't know. I don't think so, no, no, no, no. Can I be honest with you. I don't think that my eyes have ever ventured down past the neck. Yeah right, I mean give me a sexy soul any day of the week and yeah right.

So experts have said that beauty ideals are not at one sized fits all and suggested they could be useful for plastic surgeons performing breast augmentation. So basically, they're saying, no one knows what.

Is the perfect breast. It's like looking at me completely blankly.

Yeah, well that's true. It's very very open, I guess.

Yeah, But for you, what is the perfect breast?

Well?

Ah, this is the test my wife's breast. Oh gee, who almost fail that? One.

So apparently, according to this study, perkier breasts are the higher scoring breasts.

That probably makes sense.

It does, doesn't it. Yeah.

The bad news is the older we get, the more they are going to droop.

So from my experience, kids don't help the situation. Would you agree with that, Joe.

One hundred percent degree? Children will suck the life out of your breath.

Yes, Joe's if you had had four kids and your breasts we've got perkya yep. You either say had some help from surgeon or you're some kind of freak that needs to be studied. Yeah, right, because that doesn't seem Yeah, I've watched it in action, and again, those little things are brutal. I'm talking about the kids.

I could be wrong, but isn't that why they invented push up brus to bring them back up?

Yeah?

That's if they can only do so much. You know what I'm saying. I push up bras no match for gravity.

There you go. Okay, I'm just going to be watching my phone's save very little text from my wife. All good so far. Live golf. What an absolute spectacle it was.

On the weekend, What an absolute joy?

Can you imagine Jodes heading off to Singapore to follow the live golf circuit.

Excuse me, I.

Said that correctly. When you when you hear this the boarding hall, you get ready before eight o'clock to give us call third twenty four ten to get on the standbar list to go and see live golf in Singapore. Four nights accommodation, living it up in style. Joe's just around the corner. In fact, preseason game on Friday night Crows v. Port Adelaide Mount Barker footage is crept up? Didn't it?

Hasn't it crept up?

Should we speak to one of the best ever kick of football from KO Sports and that is three time Premiership hero from the Brisbane Lines, Jonathan Broann caill we do that place? Yes, please, let's speak to the Hall of Famer right now, Brownie, Good morning to you.

Great to be on. How are you, guys?

We're so good. We got some footy questions for you brand, But first of all, before we get to that, I've got a bit of a fan question for you. So linees roughty for guys like you and some of the ogs, vis et cetera, lapping when you guys won the flag this year or the lines on the flag. What was it like you still it was unimpletely part of it. Did you shed tears?

What was it like? Well, I've got three kids, so I've got to put that ahead. But I'll tell you what, it was almost better than playing as a supporter. I was a few choice supporter growing up, so we didn't have much success. We're going to have one win a year. But I was sitting with my great mate Simon Black

So it was amazing.

We went down to the rooms straight afterwards and I got through a few security guards who just let us go. I had no credentials. And then the last security guard he stood up for himself and said, no, you're not coming in, And I said, mate, bring friends, You're going to date them because we're getting in those rooms no matter what.

I was absolutely loving you.

So it was just such a great experience and also too for us older boys to be able to hand the Batanova was very nice two thousand and three since we won a premiership, so it was about time that the new crop got one.

Because you are broadcasting into Adelaide this morning, we have to ask you Port and Crows, how are they going to go this year?

Predictions?

Well, there's a bit of pressure on the Mighty Krass, isn't there so Matthew Nick's seventh year in charge I think, and they haven't played finals, so fair to say probably finals. There's a pressure to make finals for Knicks and the boys this year. They Port Adelaide were interesting last year, like everyone's written Port Adelaide off and I think they missed the finals, but they did make a prelim final

I should eat him hard.

I shouldn't know, because Carry got up and they went on to to beat this in that buddy, Grannie. I think they kicked their ass towards the end talking about Grand Finals, but and that's the last one they won, or the only one they won. Of course, the in the AFL, but that's just going to be an interesting one.

I don't know what it is about Josh carp Was there something that.

He said last Mark Roshuid that the rams gat the day.

They could have used it. They could have used it there, Branni.

Was there something that he said to make you snap?

Just the face, just the face in front of me. I think that's beautiful.

Jonathan Brown, thanks to ko Sports. There's no off season with K. Appreciate your time mates and looking forward to another excellent footy season.

Beautiful, Thanks thanks having me on. Guys, have a good morning tonight.

Dangerous Lies Unmasking Bell Gibson on nine at nine ten one of the most fascinating stories for so so many years.

At the height of her fame, Bell Gibson had five hundred thousand dollards on her app she had a major publisher, and she was about to go international.

Would you accept that you're a pathological liar? Can we have a minute, because I've been feeling really.

Belittle well well, well, well please.

I'm hoping anes with you. Joe's I almost forgot about Bill Gibson. Yeah, and how she was It was deceiving the world.

Do you remember it unfolding in real time? Can you remember?

Yeah?

Yeah, okay, because I feel even at that stage, and I wasn't highly invested in it, but I even felt a little bit let down that wasn't directly affecting me. I was like, oh my gosh.

Yeah.

So for those of you who don't remember, so she basically painted herself as this wellness guru, and she claimed to have several cancer pathologies like brain cancer, and she claimed to have managed them through her diet, juice, cleansers, exercise. So essentially she was like, we can beat this thing, but you just have to live a wholesome lifestyle.

And the big one was the brain cancer. Yeah, because from what she was saying, she was only given a few weeks to live, yes, and instead of giving it a go via conventional medicine therapy, she said, no, it was all through whole field, whole foods and just changing your lifestyle. And people are like, well, that just goes against everything that has been proven.

Yeah, And then she sat down and she did an interview with Tara Brown, and honestly, it was just one of the most cook things you've ever seen in your life.

There are so many little bits that make you go, what the hell is going on in your head? Bell Gibson, And the big thing for me, I think a lot of people, was a very very simple question from Tara Brown, and that is Belle, how old are you?

Yeah?

Twenty three?

Right?

Well, actually, how old are you?

I've always been raised as being currently a twenty six year old.

How old are you?

Well? I live knowing as I've always known that I would be twenty six.

Okay, Belle, I, this is a really really simple question. How old are you? I believe that I'm twenty six. I thinks so had Jokes has always identified as a twenty six er crazy seal section, he is a deal just I think in the sealed section nothing's off limits.

Yeah?

Is that fair to say?

So?

True?

Right?

So you're in the mixed Joe, do you lead it fearlessly? I'll have a bit of a crack and also very very special guest, and that is tip one from tenus First.

Good morning to you time, good morning, good morning. Okay, okay, so let's do this.

What do you reckon is today? Okay, okay, that's that works there. Let me just pass that over to you, George. What's going on there?

What do we got?

Okay?

The sealed section today is deal breakers relationship deal breakers.

Oh, this could be controversials.

This is very interesting for you.

Tip worn from ten news First. In a new relationship and you have been testing the boundaries.

Indeed, Well, okay, let me strap yourselves into storytime. It was a dark and stormy night and my beautiful boyfriend Joel and I had just started dating.

Yes, and I was just testing the boundaries.

We'd gone to the bottle shop to get a bottle of veino to take to some friend's house, and I just said, hypothetically, if I just walked out of here and didn't pay for this bottle, what would you do? And he said, because he's a sweetheart, he'd say, tip, do you need to borrow twenty dollars?

Yeah?

And I went, that's so nice. What if you found out everything in my house was stolen? Right, I'd stolen everything in the house. I'm a serial kleptomaniac. And he just went, well, I guess i'd be pretty impressed, because you live up a flight of stairs. That would be quite impressive if he had stolen an entire house worth of furniture and dragged it up your stairs.

And I thought, what a sweetheart, what a sweetheart? Pushover. I'm a cutie pie, and to be clear, I'm not a sticky fingers goods.

To be clear, I was just asking, hypothetically, give your budget.

It was twenty bucks. I was probably thinking, now they're on alert for people who regularly steal bottles of stump chup. Sorry two bottles too, but twenty four reasonable isn't it.

Yeah, okay, I was very sweet of him, lovely.

Support my hypothetical theft.

And he's gorgeous. And he's gorgeous.

Your deal breaker, please, my deal breakout, so I produce a flag. We're gonna agree on this smoking. I don't think I'm smoking.

No, you we can't do it for different reasons. You can't do it because you don't like it. I can't do it because I'll take it back up, okay, because you're a form of smoker, right reformed. And I was packa day. So if I started dating someone who was a smoker, probably four weeks in.

I'm back into it.

How long did you smoke?

For?

Ten years? Pack a day?

Yeah? Wow? That would be six hundred bucks a day.

Now.

Yes, this, my friends, is why I have a second hand car and no investment properly. And also now he's famous in an alternative way. It's his photo on the front of the cigarette packs, not the spotlight you want to make.

Oh goodness.

The other for me, though, just quickly, is I can't get my hair on someone who hates kids. Yeah right, And there's people out there, and I'm sorry I'm offending you, but like not hate kids, can't can't have it?

And is that you produce a flat as and you hate kids?

Oh? I did for a while.

Was the kid annoying?

You're gonna hate me for this? You know how mothers are like, oh my god, look how cute my kid is. They're never cute. Oh but I've changed my tune.

I show you a photo of my five year old who is an angel, and if you don't like her, then we cease to be friends.

The one who said the F word. There you go. Moment thirteen and twenty four ten. Your relationship deal break is can you get involved this morning? And Joe, it's after the break. Can we get yours?

Sure?

Because I feel like you're I know what yours is and it's is controversial if you're not a Greek. That's the first one thirteen and twenty four ten. To get involved the conversation this morning, by the sealed section your relationship deal breakers, what's absolutely off limits? Let's go all right and we'll get to yours next. Joe, it's okay, Oh my very goodness, it's going to blow your mind.

Not really really really, I'm second guessing you.

Sure you want to do it?

You think I want to say this is Adelaide's favorite wait to awaken.

Yes, we are into the sealed section. The envelope has been opened, and this week's topic is the relationship with deal.

Breakers thirteen twenty four ten Get involved. Would you not be with someone because of one specific reason? We're taking new calls this morning because you my friend Tiffany Warns from ten years first perhaps said that your partner was like, oh, if you're a plepto, it's okay. It's okay because he loves me.

I know.

But you were saying, not a klepto. You were setting him up to fail with some scenarios, right.

Yeah, no, just testing the water. Yeah, just just to say if I was a thief, if that would be a problem, if that was anything he did say something online, So like if I scooped.

Out his eyeballs in his sleep, that would.

Be a problem, his deal breaker. That's always a deal breaker. We've all been there for a lot of guys. Absolutely like which way do I go? I keep my eyeballs? All the tough things.

Yeah, she's so hot, but do I keep my eyballs?

I can't say? Yeah, I just got a shadow, Parker more, do you pray, I pray.

Hi guys, how are you good? Tell you what is your deal breaker? I'm going to tuck about people who don't like dogs.

Yes, dogs are always beautiful as an example. Yeah, it's tough. Is are you a massive dog person? Pre how many do you own? I have two Labradors and I love them.

I'm married, but if my husband didn't like dogs, I would have had some serious.

Thinking to do.

Do you know what?

On top of that as well? If there are people out there that don't like labradors, Yeah, what are you doing?

Yeah?

What's going on?

Oh my god? Laprador poppies?

Can you tell everyone the story about how when you met Kara, she had that one of those disgusting little white ones.

Choke about talking like Indiana like that. So she's she had a Maltese poodle, a moodle called Indiana, and it's like a proper small, little white, fluffy thing. And I'm from the country. We only sort of dealt with kelpies and border college. Yeah, so I was like, I'm not associating with that. Six months into it, I have never and still to this day, I've never loved an animal more.

He's okay anyway, Adelaide's fun breakfast.

Thanks appreciate that crazy sealed section. Nothing's off limits shows nothing is off limits sealed section.

And we are talking this morning on thirteen twenty four ten. What is your relationship deal breaker? What can you categorically not handle? So tip warn from ten years first joins us, And you mentioned that you were testing your new partner, saying what would break the relationship, like if I was a clepto for example? Yeah, And he said no, yeah, which I'm not, which is maybe why you said no. Okay, but nevertheless, Yeah, what a sweet understanding boy.

Yeah, gorgeous.

Yeah. Smoking has been a big one. We've got a lot of text come through and full double nine on nine none one nine keep them coming through. Yes, so for me it was it was smoking and also like someone who's like aggressively against kids. Yeah, it doesn't make sense to me if someone hates kids, what what happened? That's rough?

Who hurt you? Hurt is a small child?

Which kid hurt you? And I trust me? I got three of them. They can test you, They can really test you.

I have one. I genuinely feel like I've been backed into a corner.

Here was This was not my choice to feel like this or to deliver what you're about to say.

Okay, here we go.

All right, I'm going to say I couldn't be with someone who doesn't like to exercise.

Shallow much.

Shame, shame, excuse me.

His name has to be Greg, and it must be a sport. That's a very good His name is not Greg Jose is an interesting?

Is that the deal Joe's do there have to be a former professional sportsman? Is that the deal named Greg?

Okay? And my new Greg is going to be so offended that you said former.

Where are you? Where are you at? With Greg Norman?

Here you go?

It was so funny learning No, it's interesting.

It's not a superficial thing. It's not. I just yeah, okay, Joe's pull the other one mate.

That has exercise.

I like exercise. It's a common interest. Okay, So don't make it out to be something that it's not.

Okay. So what you're saying is, what if they had a big goal you need do you need a six pack? Do you need a six pack?

Not six four? Minimum four?

What is going on? Well, producer flag, you're out of the race. So you're telling me there's no.

Oh, you needed this conversation to know that.

I'll tell you what This is a very very concerning study. That's karma straight out of the heart of friend. Ants to be honest with you, I'm not overly surprised.

Yeah, just google French music. Certain is that what happened?

Got this one for his Well, that's not too bad that okay.

A French government agency has received backlash for telling people that they wash their.

Clothes too often.

Yes, I'll repeat that too often, and that it's fine to wear gym clothes. What about this at least three times, three times before throwing them in the wash?

No, I'm not sure about that. Like, what are you doing? Okay? Okay, enter produce a flat and I know why I'm entering here, But do you know what? Do you know why he's entering Because this is a man that when he goes to the gym, he leaves it all there, and that is blood, sweat, it is maybe a bit of urine because he's pushing that hard all through his clothes. And that's just one session.

The man has never touched a cardiover sheet at the gym in his entire existence.

I don't know how they work.

Bike skin. Have you been on the bike? I'm intimidated, been on the treadmill, elliptical?

I don't even know what elliptical is.

Yeah, four pieces of equipment that you have never touched.

But what Hayes's trying to say is I'm a sweater, sweater, big sweater. But I'm saying he's a big sweater because he works hard. And I would say, like row proportion of people work really hard. Where you've got genuine sweat, like an infused piece of clothing with sweat three three times, three times, that is just not great for the other people in the gym.

If nothing else, There's no way I could wear the same shirt three times because I would smell it's wet.

After the first one.

What about you, Andrew Hayes.

I'm exactly the same, Do you know what though? What I will it's a little bit gross, but I do keep some gym clothes in the back of my car. Yeah, and sometimes they're there for more than three goes, like a lot really because the drys it does dry. But that's if I know I'm going for a run, and I won't be in the gym when I share it with other people, right, Can I say this? Run along tyrans? So the ducks get very offended? But who are they going to tell?

I don't mean to be offensive when I say this, but men stink more than women when we go to the gym.

You do, I get upset.

No, that's extremely fair.

There is no chance in hell you guys should be wearing gym clothes three times back o yeh.

I just love that hazy saying, oh, yeah, I'll wear the same gym clothes you run without a shirt on, mate.

True, that's just me being efficient.