Hear The UNHINGED Obituaries Jodie & Hayesy Wrote About Each Other

We got get you every morning, every day day, every lazy gentleman Adelaides.

We had a lot of fun recently when we were going through a little obituary from Sean Kelly. He's a man from Sydney and he and his brother wrote a nice little piece in the local paper about their mum.

Tribute to Mamma.

It was a little bit left field, I'd say, it's very tongue in cheek.

A few little excerpts including Mum grew great dope, never wanted to leave a party, and gave up champagne or gin frequently but never simultaneously.

Well done, boys.

It really made what was a really dire situations and somewhat lighthearted. It went viral all across the world and it made.

It easier on the situation.

And it just got us to thinking, perhaps, you know, the day will come when you and I leave this mortal coil, and what would we say about each other in an obituary.

That's a very very good point. Would you like me to go first? Jokes?

Oh?

I don't, Yeah, I guess.

I'll do the honest And can I just say this particular obituary from me, it comes directly from the heart, save your tears, Jodes.

Just do your best. Ah, yes, I see you know your funerals well.

Farewell to Jody, the product of Tasmania and the Gold Coast having a child. You were never known for being able to create a male and not once did you use bought and brought correctly in a sentence. And despite our obvious frustrations, your consistency in that space was admirable.

If you bought something, you bite it. You'll hang on right.

Your feedback towards others was plentiful. Your knowledge of what was happening in the show was minimal, but you always did it with a smile and a whoops, sorry about that, which rarely fixed the problem.

This funeral will be a jagged theme gathering.

Don't worry about getting there early because Jody will probably be late and you actually may speak to her again because she might forget that she's dead.

Take care, don't touch my food. We'll miss you, Jodes.

It's really beautiful. Thank you.

A dry eye in the room.

I'm actually crying. I'm crying my own funeral. That's great.

Well, none if it's a perfectly you forgot that you're dead. Jade turns up to her own funeral. Oh that's right, I'm supposed to be the casket. Well I was.

I sat down to write your death notice for the paper and then I thought, you know what, I'm on a tangent here because now I'm visualizing your funeral. So this is less of a death notice but more of a you googly as to what I would say at Andrew Hayes's farewell party.

Or don't you're going to tell me what a bad your googlizer? I am what are you googlizer? One who speaks at funerals? But did you think I'd be too stupid to know what your googly was? Apparently you have an exit reputation as a your googlely.

Yeah. Well, okay, strap yourself into your coffin, because this is me talking at your funeral.

Which by the way, is held in a barn.

I don't know why, That's just where my mind went, okay. Andrew Fisher Hayes born twentieth of June nineteen eighty five died doing what he loved most, swinging topless from the rafters at a winery after consuming an undisclosed amount of red wine. He was affectionately known as Hazy but also

His dream of playing AFL looked to.

Come to fruition when he was picked up by the Swans, but a lack of skill, commitment, dexterity and courage saw.

Him go on to win two premierships in.

The Sandford for thee could coffin bearers please bring Andrew into the bar. Upon learning of his passing, his three year old Lotty was heard remarking in a satanic tone, I run this family now while he's gat. Euston said that guy was an absolute Please, ladies and gentlemen, take off your hats as we lower Andrew into the ground as we bid him farewell to his favorite song.

Now from the.

Oh that's how I want to go. Oh, thank you very much, James, very much appreciate that.

Okay, are you holding back the tears?

Ah?

Yes, two things stay from that as well. I never told you this as well. Technically I was a school captain two years in Row and I didn't tell you that in your six I've got to take it away from him.

So I didn't even have that on a regime.

No.

The other thing is my daughter Lott, he already runs a family.

Yeah, I know what you think about.

I thought for sure that you would have pointed out that even in death, I only credited you with two permissions from the kids.

Can be tricky, can't they.

They can be a really really just dodgy territory to navigation.

Yeah, sometimes I'll get texts from my wife and photos andel videos just is sort of explaining the vibe that's happening in the house when I'm not there.

Sometimes it's during the show and I just watch your face and you look down on your phone and go, oh god, oh.

My fairy goodness.

Turns out I will do some overtime at work today, that sort of stuff. Yeah, because it can be a genuine wars on it. This got this video message yesterday, and this is pretty early in the show, wasn't it. And it just sort of feels like a genuine pin up situation for people who change once they have their coffee in the morning.

Yeah, and that includes toddlers.

So this is my four year old Lottie before she's had her baby channel. And obviously you can imagine that there's a bit of our to and fro, a bit of debate between Car and our four year old as to when how are we going to get the baby chainner tour, whether we're going to take it to willow Band to get a baby Channo, or whether or not Mum will make it at home. Just make out these words, and this is the demands of a four year old who hasn't had her coffee yet and exclusively looking for a baby Chino.

Get you know.

What, welcome a pair and who is my friends? That's what it's all about. Isn't that beautiful?

It's lovely, it's stunning and brave. But also the look on her face, if you could see the video, it's.

Like, get me a baby jo.

Now.

It's like she morphs into this satanic little devil. And then, as you say, because I messaged Car straight away and I was like, get your baby Jono right now, and she wrote back, what a sweet baby angel, and sent me a photo of her holding said baby Chino, and the smile on her face and the butter that just would not melt in her mouth.

It was angelic and I'm not even lying here. Kara said her first words when she handed over the baby Chinna. Well, thank you, mommy, I love you so.

Oh my gosh. So have you seen there thinking about having kids?

Definitely do it, but just know you've got to take the good with the bad, and the bad can be very, very confronting. You've got to have a thick skin.

I just want to hear it one more time. I couldn't stop watching this yesterday. Just one more time.

It really elevates, doesn't it.

Both you know, Oh my gosh, lot of you angel you are your mother.

Your father, he's on your money.

Six.

Can we talk about blue movies and just the impact that they are having on young men in society.

I mean, I guess intular you want to leave this chat.

In particular the North Koreans who get exposed to these types of movies maybe at a later age. North Korean military men who joined the war front in Ukraine on behalf of us have unfitted internet access for the first time and using it to watch tons of pornography. Due to the restricted access to the Internet in North Korea. The ten thousand I said, ten thousand North Kran soldiers have been browsing the web on Western Service very unrestricted.

I'm still sorry for that guy who's like leading the battalions into the warfront and he's like on the counter of three one dude.

Right guys, guys, right, what about six months time when they're by like a bunch of fiddler crabs.

Are really muscular? Right arms, huge, right arms.

Can I just tell a quick story about the first time as a young man that I discovered such content and maybe the effects that had on my parents. Okay, it was back in the days of LimeWire, remember Lime Wise and who knew that you could.

Download blue movies?

Fire Lime WHI not me?

And I remember downloading such a movie and my mom came around the corner and she would have seen a flash frame like a frame of a blue movie. And I remember, even at the age of thirteen or fourteen, trying to convince my mum, and I now know that back then it was the highest form of gaslighting.

That Mum was like, oh, what was that? And I remember going, what are you talking about, mom.

Because like I swear, I just saw two naked people.

And I still remember this great. I definitely saw a man's penis what are you talking about, dre And I took it a step further. I remember going, what is going on in your head? Is that all you think about?

Like?

What is going on?

And then by the end of it, she was like, oh, apologies, apologies, maybe there's.

Something wrong with my brain.

And I was like, you need a cup of tea ddree, come on, let's take you over, Let's boil the kettle.

Jesus gross if you wash hands burs oh gas lighting a fourteen year old horny teen age Hey, I'm going to quit to become a drama teacher now because a teacher revealing his salary in a very.

I'm just mucking around because it's bright.

You're on one this morning, aren't you?

I think we're all on one.

You're on a real tear.

We're just feeling it, okay.

A teacher revealing his salary in a very candid street interview was sparked a heated debate about how much they should be getting paid. So he was speaking to get Ahead, which is an app that matches up workers and employees, and the melbour man was asked just how much he makes per year?

Teacher Just north of one hundred and sixty thousand and what subjects do you teach? Drama?

How long have you been teaching for twenty seven years?

Now? Have you been teaching drama the whole time?

Yeah?

It started as an actor, moved into moved into teaching. Wow, I do not have a problem with a teacher earning one hundred and sixty thousand dollars a year. Teachers should earn infinity cash with what they do raising our children for us.

One hundred percent agree. Yeah, no issues whatsoever.

I think a lot of people would hear that and be like, wow, I didn't know that teachers earned that much.

Iod coin.

My best friend from high school is a drama teacher, and honestly, she she burns out a lot. I know they get a lot of holidays, but they do all these massive productions each and.

Every year, which is Saturday Sundays.

It's full on and it's hectic, and I don't grudge this lovely man who's been doing his job for twenty seven years getting one hundred and sixty thousand dollars done.

Don't you roll? Why are you rolling your eyes at meat producer Mark?

Why?

What?

What's going on with your kid on the producer flat? One hundred and sixty grand a year? Yes to teach drama, Yes, so we can more actor upstarts.

Mate a wa, not all of us just bring the drama in here for free.

Do you know what If it brings more mister G's to the world, I think we're all for it.

The kids at school call me mister g Coffee, coffee, coffee before we teach you, teach you. Mum always says that even as a baby, other babies were crying and in a sort of monotonal way. But if I'd call out to Mum rather than ma'am like other kids, I would go mum, mum.

I just think it's a prerequisent.

It's a prerequisite that drama teachers have to be just a little bit unhinged.

Don't they.

Have set You've got to have person out of your drama teacher.

Oh no, absolutely that, which is why I produced muff over here would make a great drama teacher. So I expect this to happen a little later in our morning meeting.

I'm bloody resigning, sick. There's my letter of resignation, and there's some flowers to my dead dog. Want to instick that fat ass special time of the week right now?

It is so. If you are new to the show, welcome.

Hey, thanks for jumping on board. We appreciate you.

This is Jodie's diary.

It's basically my thoughts and the things that have gone down during the week. Some of them good, some of them not so good. But a highlight for me was the story about your mother's boob at the beach.

Okay, always goes down, well, my mother's right boob, doesn't it.

This is Joy's.

Dear diary.

It was the week Donald Trump won the US election and Hazy had some intense political insights a special gifts.

Well you read.

Love springfieldip please onodcasts? Why would you do that any something else?

My dogs, I don't get politics. That's allesome.

He had no really, thank you, captain of here.

And this is pretty much how I felt about the situation. Well, the thinking man sex symbol probably tipped all us women over the edge by proving.

He's funny to you guys, David.

One of the headlines that I've read this morning, Donald Trump becomes the first twice impeached insurrection, inciting thirty four time convicted.

Felon to be elected president.

He's going to need a big business can.

Speaking of men doing hot things, you got a squidge, you could be mister April, mister tip worn from ten Yu's first you've.

Had a shower. That's not the sexy bit. You get the squeegee, yes, squeezing the shower s freeze. You know what's not sexy, limescale.

So we launched a calendar. The hot dad to Adelaide should be easy enough to say. So this week we've launched our hot bat So this week we've launched.

Our hot Boards of Adelaide calendar.

Same okay, next week we've launched Adelaide's Hot Dads. Oh my god, and w tf, hazy, why is my husband turning you off? So like when my husband washes the windows with the Kasher window washer.

Wow, what about he's doing that?

He's going side the side and he's supple pecks of rubbing against the window. Was Christina Aguileras playing in the background work in the car.

It was the race that stopped the Nation.

Whatever you do, don't give away the first horse themed question for the six fifteen Vending Machine quiz.

For the first question, yes, please, what have you got?

We are on cup eve, so without a fight, gold trip and very elegant other late last three wash and I gave you a huge in there. Actually I think I actually answered.

The question, did you.

Yep?

He added, And Hazy won't be entering fashions on the field anytime soon.

It fascinating because they're fascinating.

Is that it be hats? Why is it a fascinator? Why has it only come out Melbourne cuptail Stephen.

Jones came up with the term fascinator because the idea that these hats were meant to be whimsical, extravagant and unique.

I'm so sorry, I asked.

I certainly learned my place this week in the pecking order.

Well, well, well, sometimes you might look out the window and.

That pig is fine.

Is the Pigmy, You're the pig.

And it wouldn't be a week without Deirdre Hayes getting her boobs out.

I remember seeing Mum come out of the surf and it's an absolutely pact and there was a full right breast exposed and I'm going, Mom, you boob Mum looking down she almost launched off into space.

What I would give for that audio of eight year old Andrew going Mom, Mom, your boom Ah.

The Hayes family, what a disgusting bunch.

Why do you want to share your wife's tooth I don't want to Sico.

Don't want to share toothbrushes, but I'm happy to share a toothbrush. I'm more than comfortable for everyone in my family to use. Say I'm not yearning for it. I'm just saying that if our toothbrush has got mixed up, I have no issues using my wife's toothbrush. And can I just say she's aggressively against.

Notes that the anchor's dad wins out, what are these hairs on my face?

Award?

Good morning, good morning?

How are you good?

Good?

Okay? Who's the pig in your family?

My dad?

Actually? What does he do?

So I caught him a few weeks ago. I went to jump in the shower and I found beard hairs in my race.

Oh just all right, let's keep it recently, PJ you but that raise has been everywhere stuff.

And I walked out and I was like, have you been using this?

And he's like no, and I was like, well there's orange beard hairs.

Wow.

It turns out we're not the grossest ones in Adelaide. And let's round out the week with some practical parent tips.

I'll have it as well, is that the kids get right into it so much soopic tricky to be and they're like hurrying me up.

So they can take it to the bee. So dad's sculling me and kids like our dad.

And I'm like, hey, kids, I'm a good dad.

So did you dream? The random compliments? And to our boy Trumpy go off this weekend, Kings and Queens, all my love, Jody, is anyone else's kids using your phone to message other people?

It's dangerous?

Oh, it's very dangerous. And we discovered just how dangerous it was last night. So it all started when we were driving home from a family dinner and the thirteen year old was in the back seat going, Dad, I need to use your phone. I need to RSPV for a party like that. I was like, what's an RSPV, Bob? She goes, you know, an RSPV. I need to tell them that I'm coming.

I'm like, do you mean RSVP AnyWho.

Ah, Yes, that's a way, yes, yes, yes, But when a thirteen year old says it was such a.

Conviction and attitude, yes, evinced that now it's been changed.

So anyway, we get home and she's like, they do this all the time. They will write to other parents pretending to be us, particularly if they want to play. So it's like we've given it the ok for them to go to their house and have a play or a sleepover, or go and meet Norwood whatever it may be.

Like a permission slip via text.

Yes, and so we're constantly going just write it from you, just say hi, it's Peyton. Well she didn't take that advice last night when she was rspving for this party to go to her friend's place, right because she's like, the mom needs to book the restaurant. I need to get back to it all right, off you go. So as she's doing it, Greg casually wanders over and check what she's written on his behalf. There was a typo needless to say, and it said, Hi, Crystal, I was just about to massage you.

That's a poor start. It's a poor start to the text. Crystal's like, okay, Greg, very forward, go on high.

Crystal, I was just about to massage you. And Peyton can't wait.

He's a real sick o. Greg.

This is the same man whose Instagram gets high checked by with alarming regularity from the eleven year old who will jump on and she's followed all her all dancer friends, and she'll write comments from Greg Gordie yes saying saying looking great body.

So one day Greg's going to be sitting in jail. I swear as my kids battles.

What an unbelievable space. This has become the battle of the bangers. It's chance where you get to choose the music. We turn into a fun and I say that in inverted commas fun.

It's not. It's dangerously competitive. It's all the contest between you and major.

I don't don't get me wrong, I don't like myself when I get this competitive.

I hate it.

Actually, well, you really like yourself when you win, though, I don't mind myself.

Okay, So two songs.

The theme this week was I guess I'm based on the calendar, sort of modeling catwalk type theme.

Yeah, based on Jodian Hayes's Dad's Battle. Look, I'm I'm just gonna play it and then you're gonna have to somehow tell us how the song even relates to the thing?

Six?

Oh, go for it.

What have we got? Well, models walk on a runway, runway for planes A G six a plane or as producers are. We pointed out, I could have just cut to the chase and gone like model planes G six.

Okay, I suppose what else do you want from me?

Mate?

That's a link? That's a link.

Yeah, mine's much more basic. Justin Timberlake the words sexy in there. So it makes sense, doesn't it.

I would argue that if you're listening during the workday, you'd probably hear the song anyway.

Oh, they're supposed to.

Be bangers that we're bringing back that you wouldn't normally hear. That's the whole premise of the thing.

I'm not sure that's the exact premise of the thing, to.

Be honest, anyway, keemaka Josh welcome.

I always understood it as just a fight to the death in an octagon.

That's what it's merged into with a loud music playing. Okay, go on, just.

Before we get to this, this is this is really important for me.

There's not that many weeks left in the year.

Of course, there will be a Battle of the Bangers title that someone will win. It's twenty one to sixteen. I basically I can't afford a loss from here until the end of the year.

But you can win it if you go undefeated. So a lot riding here. My heart's bounding. Oh my gosh, would you like a drum roll? Great man, I'd love a drum roll?

There we go, don't call it a cut back into andrews oh still in the mix.

It takes the twenty one to seventeen. It feels good. I gotta say, it feels really, really good.

You're winning song this week justin Timberlake, Sexy Back Donor Way, Joe's always next week.

Day, Friday, Fridays absolutely flaw this time of the week, and as when we get to speak to the one, the Only, Ryan fitz Fitzy, good mine to you.

Hazy, Jodie, your beautiful people.

Fitzy.

When I think of hot dads, I think of Ryan Fitty Fitzgerald, There's no question about that. And we are assembling a calendar of all the dads in Adelaide who, you know, not spectacular looking but doing very very sexy, hot things, and I just feel like you fit the brief.

Do you know what I've been doing at the mountain, Dad, I've been because now irrigation is going quite well with the sun coming out now coming in the summer, We've got quite a few weeds, so I've been weeding in the backyard with my top off.

Ah.

Nothing says sexy than a man rushing sort of mid forties, topless in his backyard in a very very interesting position on all fours.

Maybe bit of an uchback, bit of skin porn weeds.

And then I will go up into the and I can weed the special plants that I have up there as well.

But you do live at Port no longer after?

Yeah, Actually, you know it's funny. My dad was a spark.

He picks.

He's electrical down South for so long, and he said he used to laugh sometimes when his mates would bring me, can you just come around and put a power point in my shed. And he'd get around there and they would ask for fourteen power points in the shed and to be like, Dave, come on, mate, I know what you're doing. I don't know what you're doing.

Do you want the job or not me?

This is the high paying job for you. I would take it.

Yeah, Nick, I'll pay you per power point. That's a lot of.

Cursions, exactly right. But no, this is a good idea, Like do you know what I had to do. I hated this, but I had to do a photo shoot when I came out of Big Brother. But I think it was Okay magazine and they said it stupidly in

In the moment you're like, oh, it's okay. At this publication, they won't stuff me around.

I trust that I trust with my life.

Well, wouldn't you know what?

This just comes out every week? People will forget about this shot. Twenty years later, it's still going.

Haze's actually know if you've seen it, I can text your copy, feel like, But Hazy has been in a calendar.

When you played it the.

Doggies, what were you doing?

I don't think that you've never done before, like handballing.

Or that was actually it was kicking. It was kicking fit.

Target.

It was a hard ball. Get god, you should see this photo. His eyes.

I don't know how he's done. And I asked him during the week. He's smoldering, Fitzy.

Yes, and he's in good Mick at the moment. He doesn't he won't tell anyone else that, but he's he's in great me.

What do you mean he won't tell you?

He tells us every morning.

Are you joking? I can't shut him up about it.

Actually doing some bicycle.

The eyes were smoldering, Fitzy little. I've just been on a job with Mick down south and.

Good work.

All right, Well, Fitzy, I take it that's a yes you'd like to feature in our calendar.

No, no, are you sure?

Yeah? No good, my modeling days are over, are they Okay?

Got around July August free.

It be a great opportunity for you, a great exposure. Good to get your profile. Oh so busy, have a good way again.

I need to know.

I need to know now, I need to know.

I need to know.

I need to know what the news today to know. This is what you need to know. You know what you need to know.

With Jody and Hazy, this is huge. Australia will move to bands social media for children under age sixteen, with the Prime Minister yesterday declaring he was calling time on.

The harm cause to young people.

So he said yesterday social media is doing harm to our kids and I'm calling time and at the Prime Minister said the proposal will go to a virtual meeting of the nation's leaders today. So if this goes through, that's going to be absolutely massive and it's going to have repercussions for all those young kids who are jumping on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, whatever your platform may be.

No more.

I think it's for people who came through with generations you didn't have social media to now it's harder for us to get a head around the fact that you could be so young and be affected by what is pure instantly just works.

Read these absolutely tragic stories of young kids that have been affected or bullied so very badly on social media that they do the unthinkable. So I think this is a wonderful initiative by the Alban alban Easy government. And also it's been driven by Whipper from Fitzy Whipper and Kate and he was heavy behind this as well.

So saw some photos of him in Parliament yesterday.

Which was huge And I'd just be so pleased if this goes through, because I don't think social media platforms take enough responsibility for the platform that they provide for these young kids who are not mentally equipped to deal with it and to use it responsibly.

The other message is if you deliver hate on social media, you're a loser.

Yeah, you're awful.

That's what it's all about, because it means that you're very, very feeling insignificant about something, or you're probably jealous about something else or something that somebody's doing, and you feel like you need to do that on a social media platform. Ninety nine times out of one hundred, you wouldn't say that to that person's face.

So that is really weak.

No, And I mean we as parents need to set that example too. So if you are a parent and oh my god, the number of times I've seen awful comments on the Internet and then there's a lovely photo of mums standing there holding a baby, or dad's standing there with his two kids, and you go, what sort of example are you setting to your children when you are spewing hate on the internet. I think it's horrible. So it starts with us and it ends with banning it with the kids.

There you go, that's what you're waking up to this morning. And Jodie Hazy still.

To come with Jodi and Hazy on Adelaide's Nova nine one night.

Shows yesterday, we're talking about a man by the name of Sean Kelly. He sat down to capture his late mum's spirit in one hundred words or so by an obituary in the paper up in Sydney.

It was very, very funny.

Yeah, I mean some of the sentences he used were our wild and wayward mother died on twenty eighth of October.

She refused to say past. She's very veen ice.

He talked about how she used to grow dope. Her attempts at responsible parenting or grand parents were always touching.

He said.

Sean was a much better drive than Chris News On What's Happening Next, he said to follow bring a shovel yep, and it made Sean and his brother go viral, and they had no intentions of going viral. No funny obituaries or bittery is where she's a little bit looser, where you can kind of look at.

Death as a way of having a bit of a laugh on you.

I mean, I guess I want everyone to have a good time at my funeral. So if that's the case, then maybe you should write.

One for me, or maybe you should write one for me.

All right, I'm happy to sure.

Should we do that next? Fair with how much time we got, If you're going to write one.

For me, you get a bit of all right, let's turn it around.

Let's share a bitcheries next. That's never been said on over before.