Hayesy's Emotional Song For His Dead Rats.

Friend's family, enemies and our eyes. Welcome to the podcast.

I wonder how many people fall into the enemy and allies category. Anyway, you won't.

Listen to the podcast if you're an enemy of the show.

Yeah, exactly, turn it off. Go away, Cozzy, No, you can't bit going on in the potty. I've been busy chasing the third Greg around town. Greg Norman. This time he has been the mastermind engineering the Lift golf tournament here in South Australia, and I was assigned the task of stalking him.

You know what I reckon. I could go get a broomstick called Greg and you'd be like, Hello, that nice to meet you.

Hello, you look cancer.

I am interested.

Come over here, big boy.

Come overy, big boy. But I'm just a broom I don't care. Your name's Greg's, I'm India. Are you schnitting me? Nice little version of that morning. I spoke about some of my pet rats, and you spoke about what we could only call extreme tough love back in the day in the roots of Melbourne.

That's exactly right. Scratchy and squeaky they were called, weren't they?

They were blessed them? Long live. They're still on the property at rowe Allen in southwest New south Wales.

Give them a nice burial without giving away the ending.

I did, but I dare say because I did the burial, they only were buried about five centimeters deep, so real surface. I'm pretty sure that a fox probably dug them up really quickly and took them to a different place, took them to the crematory.

Real shallow grow baby.

Anyway, we welcome to the podcast. Thanks for tuning in and all the best with it.

Good right, chat, You have two stories.

One is a big old lie and one is the truth. You need to correctly identify which is which.

You can use. I'm sorry to cut you off.

Then that's okay. We really apologize, but I thank you very much. I go first, Okay, it's nice. So when I was a youngster and specific mid primary school, so I would have been like seven or eight, and I don't know what Muma Dad was thinking by letting me have this, but I pet rats. I might have mentioned this before as well.

I know there's been a lot of animal gear.

Yeah, on the farm, A couple of pet rats and classic we got the rats and both female rats. Because for those young players at home, you don't want the male rats. They're really quite aggressive.

They stink, okay supposed to.

Yeah they're lovely, really, yeah, they're absolutely lovely. So we got this rat and it had babies. Who knew that it was pregnant when we brought it home, So we had to take the babies back to the pet shop and I was left with basically one rat. So had a mother daughter combination, and eventually both of the rats died and it was quite traumatic, Like, I absolutely love these rats.

What were their names?

Well, yeah, this is not very originable. One is called squeaky, one was called scratchy. So in hindsight, I would have liked to had more formal names like Patricia or something like that, Nancy Nancy, Yes, Jennifer would have been nice. But they were very, very stereotypical, small pet naps, squeaky, scratchy, squeaky and scratchy.

I mean that story had it all, had highs, had lows, you know, because she had pet rats. She loved them, squeaking scratchy, and then.

They died, Yes, they did die. And then because I love music throughout yeah, favorite band by the way, while we're playing this age seventeen back in the day really, Oh yes, post is on a wall. Oh yeah, And I penned a little song it's the Squeaks. Yeah, didn't make the top forty and I don't think it even had music to it. But and I don't think. I think I was too embarrassed to tell Dad about it.

Oh you should have.

Growing up on the farm.

Just go with that instinct. Probably don't tell Dad about the song of penn for squeaking Scratchy.

Didn't tell him on the way to our football that morning as he jumped off the header, because he's probably been working since about three thirty in the morning that I wrote a song about my deceased rats. Anyway, took a while with here we are your story?

Oh good God? Who do I work with? Anyway?

The best we laughed to stop ourselves from crime.

I am cry, What's it's counterproductive? Isn't it all right? When I can't identify when I was a child, I remember viviably. We lived in Werribee in Victoria for a little while. Sure yep, And so we decided as a family we'd all get bikes. So we jumped on the train, went to Geelong purchase the bikes. The train back and brought the bikes home. And it was probably one of the best things that ever happened in my childhood. I got a bike. It was amazing, and so.

Because I didn't have bikes, Andy, Sorry, sorry, look, we'll cut that out. We'll cut that out and we'll move on. No more tazzy jokes.

Pretty you were live mate, anyway, just that last talking to who. So you got the bike anyway, got the bike, couldn't ride it properly. So my mom and this was back in the days where there were no rules about parenting or anything. This is when you get smoke durries in the car and no one cared with your children in the back, that.

Sort of vibe. It was a different time, folks.

It's a different time. And so Mum got me on the back of the bike and we were riding back from the shops and Mum's riding away and my foot, which had no shoes on, got caught in the spokes and she didn't stop riding.

So my poor little plowed through it.

Heaven year old foot was and I've screamed and we've crashed the bike and I've come off. Anyway, my foot was unbelievably okay, given what could have happened, but yeah, that's my story about my first bike. Thanks mum.

There you go.

Good work, Colleen.

And you say that cost you a career at the Thunderbirds.

That amongst a few other things, lack of talent, skill, dedication.

Or minor things or minor ingredients. Alright, you have me I reckon as a truth in there. And there was a lie? Which one is which gives call thirteen twenty fourteen hundred dollars snit house voucher up for grabs.

Nothing but it's a cozy winter get away or escaping to a tropical paradise.

You're thinking about an early winter escape? What if dot com has just the place?

Check out great accommodation deals across Australia on the water.

If that, what if it's Aussie for travel? Yeah, so through it's one lie. So yes, did tell sorry about how a pet rats scratching squeaking yep, And unfortunately they are no longer with us, given it was twenty five years ago.

Rip scratching, squeaky.

Append a little song on their behalf which never saw the light of day.

Oh that's beautiful though, My sorry about how my first bike how we went and picked it up from Geelong. Riding around and where are be? Mum was dinking me on the back because I didn't know how to ride, and I got my foot caught in the spokes and Colin just kept plowing through it, didn't you.

Yeah, she was like, oh gosh, am I going crunch crunch. I went through Colin's like, I've got to get back home.

My foot, my little foot was surprisingly okay.

Yeah, dart in one hand, VB and the other. It was a different time riding and so I admire people who can ride a bike without using the handlebus. I don't have people do that.

I don't know why they do that, because you see some of them and they do like wheelies along the road without their hands.

Okay, So Colin doing it with a dart one end VB and the other. Yeah, a kid on the back who's getting her ankle absolutely munched by the.

Tape, making my mum look really bad right about now. She didn't have a VB.

It was different time.

She would have had a dart, not a VB. All right. Ashlynd from Birkenhair, good morning, good morning, great, thank you, how are you going good? Thank you? And who do you think is lying?

I just want to say, Jody, I'm so sorry that that happened to your foot.

Thank you.

You're a horrible liar.

Yes, well done, Ashton gave it away. Well, look, I think he just added a bit too much flus.

Yes, yes, as too.

Much going on in the story, whereas like Jody's is quite straight to the point.

Yeah, Ashland knows us very very well.

I think right, friends, every morning, can I jump in on this friendship or am I'm clearly on the If you're a better liar, you could jump in.

Can you can you explain to Ashland please about Michael Jackson how he did write it?

Okay, So the research that I had done is that apparently Michael Jackson wrote this song when he was a kid to call Ben about his pet rat.

Running.

I've since been doing some more research and apparently has written for someone else and then given to Michael Jackson. So let's your goers freeze.

So he didn't run it. I'm sorry to put you through that, Ashley, stay on the line for that. That's not fair anyway, You've won a one hundred dollars your house about your congratulations.

Thank you, You're very welcome. What a journey that was. Oh boy, twists and turns, ups and downs, and we finally got there, did we don't? I'm not even sure anymore.

I've got a big show tomorrow coming up to We've got more live golf passes to give away, and that's extraordinary because this thing is sold out.

Yeah, absolutely, And look it's one of those things and you sort of banged it on the head today when if you're not a golf fan, you are this week.

It doesn't matter.

I want to get yourself to the watering Hole in the twelfth and we're going to help you.

Out live Golf adelaide a high stakes weekend of shotgun starts, fan billage, fun and headline artists including Straining, DJ Sensation, Fish Up. Visit livgolf dot com.

All right, they'll do from us to keep it locked and over nine for more chances you can understand while to see Lizzo and Sydney Sea Squeaky all the Best, Jode's Liddy Thorpe Senator band from a particular establishment. After a wild night out a couple of nights ago, so we're talking Maxine's at Gentlemen's Club in Melbourne, hope for going back there.

See that is so contradictory that term Maxine's gentlemen's club. I don't know how any gentlemen who are twirling their mustaches and sipping on their brandy. You're going to a strip club in Melbourne?

What drinking a dry martini?

Saying another lap dance please?

Yes? Hell of the host too is Maxine? Yeah's a shout out to her this morning. Yeah, I'm sure, just thinking though, where have you been banned from?

Oh?

That's a good question, because we're all very, very mature adults.

There's one glaring knee on example that you've got. Yeah, there is people of Adelaide, while you're no longer welcome at the karaoke establishment that is listening.

Yeah, because I'm too passionate. Sometimes you just get yourself invested too much in the product, and all of a sudden you find you find yourself on the band list. So and look, I need to really really come out and say that it wasn't just a one off occasion. No, it's fourth striking crowd, three good solid strikes. I think your first time it started with I'll probably misplaced a

I don't know how they're even allowed to combine food with nightclubs. When we were eighteen, we used to go to an club and we'd get one dollar fried rice every time you had a fire engine your crime like vodka raspberry and then you're entitled five blade of one dollar?

What about your guts? With vodka raspberry and rice? Just catching up down there and what a combination?

Good there?

Hey, look I do this? Should we go out to the surface? All right? I did ever? Mate? That got band from Scizssler as well in gog Organ. Yes, real thrifty type situation when we're kids, right, taking a tupperware container in and take some ice cream home?

No, not do that, that's against all the hygienic rules of the planet.

It is absolutely and I made that got banned from Empire Nightclub in Sydney because yeah, he lost a couple of pieces of too. Yeah, good guy, what goes on? Great guy's name is also Andrew.

My husband is probably no longer welcome at an establishment called the Ostral on Rundle Street.

Classic after just he got.

A little bit lippy with a couple of say Pole's finest handcuffed him to the poll out the front.

It was Calvin from Risque Entertainment.

Here. Yeah, I'll never forget.

It, Mexic. What you do to me, Calvin? There's no worst serious policeman. You might go to jail. Ooh I like that.

Oh let's do this thy twenty four to ten? Where are you no longer welcome? Where have you been banned from? Could be misbehavior? Could you could have been misunderstood? We're not going to judge here, are we.

That's an absolute judgment free zone.

You could have misplaced every shirt you've ever had on a night out.

Damn, where are my clothes again? Oh? Well, wis will finish off this bond Jovie song?

Flare that up?

So we put the question out there before on Thurday and twenty fourteen, and what have you been banned from? Just off the back of I mean Lydia Thorpe had a bit of an awful weekend, it must be said. Got a self banned from a gentleman's class.

Yeah, got herself into all sorts.

And then look, I just did sort of reveal as well, that's just belting this little beautiful song out several times that were seeing every single time. It's like, did my parents are great for me?

I remember? I reckon it was the night that you got banned from listening. Someone said to me, geez hazy was going off last night. It just seemed to lose your shirt.

Yeah, several articles of clothing scale on there, loose fitting clothes. You've just got to be so careful.

How did a conversation go with the manager from listening? Was he just like, mate, that's it, You're done.

I remember it in flash frames. I remember it overly. Well, Yeah, I just it was just one of those nights. I think I think it was raining quite heavily. That's why I can't remember it. Okay, raining GWIY for cruises?

Would have you been banned from? Thirteen twenty four to ten. Kirby from Manopara West, What have you been banned from?

Hi, guys, it wasn't me.

It was my ex partner.

He got barred from a pub ark in Queensland and he decided to dance on the pool table.

Of course he did. Yes, but that seems that seems reasonably instid though, Kirby. Just a quick little dance on the ball table. Yeah, No, he then proceeded to dark his pants. Oh my god, take it to the next level. Yes, And it was just the same song you just played.

Was blawing in the background. I was like, oh my.

God, and now his pants are off that song. It's just got a thing with you guys and losing items and clothing.

Who was it with bonjo Just say, just every time you hear John bon Jovi, you don't have to take your pants off. My pants are off right now, thank you, Kerby. Lorena from Camden Park What have you been banned from? Oh?

Look, it was a very very long time ago. But I was at the Ramscape one night and the service wasn't great. I leant over the bar board myself for beer the end of my night there.

They don't like that.

Do they No, No, but I feel there's a common theme here this morning on the callers. But generally the establishments are in bold some form of alcohol.

I think, yes, that is a good observation, Lorena. What did they say to you when they politely asked you to leave?

I think it was something like you, I think you've had enough to night and you can't do that here. And then they got security over and yeah, I was walked out the door.

Oh there you go. Very nice work.

Yeah, well you should have arked up and said, well, if the service wasn't so slow, I wouldn't be forced into this position where I have to bore myself a savion blanc are.

Lorena, thanks so much for coming this. We want to send you along to the beach House here. Thank you.

Oh my kids, we love that.

Thanks so very good stuff. Now, looking for something to do these school holidays, beach House is a perfect destination for a fun field day out. It's more fun at their house the beach House. Quick chat about live golf as well. It's going to be here, yeah, very very soon.

Yeah. Program starts on Thursday.

Yes, if you're watching the news last night, yeah, yeah. Looking out for Channel seven nightly news of Sixperence little Cobord.

What was it?

Well, don't give it away.

That's that was a test for you, I said.

Something to that. A test. Give us a call right now, yees. Golf golf, golf, golf, golf is coming to Adelaide.

Yeah, and I don't even know who I am anymore because I'm so excited about it.

Just decked out in your titlest gear, aren't you?

So?

Taylor made just got those what.

Are they called their collats? What do you what do you call those spikes?

They golf spikes? Whoa are we looking at produce?

Sho you want to exactly?

It's not a pineapple shirt?

So he to Greg Norman was this morning, so we shouldn't be looking at him for it.

He asked me who Lebron James was. T's a French fellow, is he?

What time does he deal?

Anyway, we want to send you along to live golf.

In all seriousness. I was down there yesterday at the Grange golf Course, which is a beautiful golf course, but it looks especially magnificent. They've got all the speakers set up, they've got stages set up for concerts. But they've got all the corporate areas set up for parties. It's unbelievable.

What I just love as well when these golf courses and you look at the Masters and all these other courses, is an amazing course around the world. There's not a blade of grass out of place.

It's unbelievable.

It's ridiculous.

In my new next life, I want to be like a golf greens keeper. How fun with that? But you just cruising around one of those them.

Me right on, see, I was looking and go how frustrating when you've just got one of the pros who's just practicing creating the giant divots. It's almost like a pothole. I've got to repair that.

Yeah, I'm going to fix that now.

Thanks buddy, appreciate it.

Brooks Coop or whatever your name is.

All right, you need to listen to Channel seven. When I say listen, I said that yesterday. Watch You can listen as well, but definitely watch it because it's a visual medium. You need to watch Channel seven news last night for a man.

Less to learn from his mistakes. It's like I did that yesterday, Let's not do it again tomorrow.

And I'm lucky make sure you're watching seven you tonight from six pm grade daily COVID and give us a call. And that is what Craig has done. Good moying to you, Craig, good morning. Are you're going very well? Thanks? I'm an ex gardener. And those potholes in.

Oh yeah, isn't it just a bit of fun cruising around on your right on tho?

Well yeah, it used to be yes, but I don't know. I don't know if I'm better stand looking at the whole.

Yeah, okay, fair enough.

Hey Craig, you got a code word for us.

It's swing a bag jery.

You are heading along making congratulations. Oh, thank you very much. Awesome, very good.

Just a real think tank coming up whether these code words, isn't it.

We'll go back into the mix for the next sort of few and just trying to harden up a little bit for the rest of the week. I Live Golf adelaide a high stakes weekend of shotgun starts, fan Village, fun headline artists including Australian DJ Sensation of Fisher. Visit livgolf dot com more chances tonight, just watch the news.

Morrow's code word will be keepka.

That's actually reasonably difficult. Tomorrow's co word could be something like put you tell me you built a time machine. On this Tuesday, it is time to take a trip down memory lane via on this daisy, you're coming jerdy?

Can I please?

He producers you want to see come a long. Let's do it. A bit of knowledge. We'll whack you straight in the face. Nineteen twenty four, eighth of April, a crossword puzzle book was published for the first time in America.

Oh god, I'm not a cross word person.

Yeah. I'd like to be, but I'm just not very good at that. Yeah. Yeah.

And also I don't like to challenge my brain. I just like to number.

Yeah, you know, how do you do that? I'll tell you what you do? You sit there and you watch ABC Kids. That's what I do. Coco melons will turn my brain into more.

Oh my god came.

Nineteen thirty. According to BBC Radio in April eighteen, nineteen thirty was the dullest day of the twentieth century, after an announcer informed the nation at the six thirty Fulton Good Evening. Today is Friday. There is no news. This is the national program the BBC. There was no news tonight, So until nine o'clock, here is some.

Music on record.

Well, the rest of the fifteen times so the station played only piano music.

Oh my god, I really want Kate freeban on our ten years first to say that tonight, good welcome. There is no news.

As you were, there was no news. Here's some silverchair for fifteen minutes. Twenty fifteen, the most bride'smaids to one bride, one hundred and sixty eight were present at the wedding of Tina Ackles in Floria, USA. It's ridiculous.

But no one's got one hundred and sixty eight friends, do they?

Is that one hundred and sixty eight dresses that she's supposed to fork out for? Yeah, I know, extends absolutely absurd. I bought four suits from my groomsman.

Yeah. Yeah, they didn't pay for I did not.

Pay for them. I pay for everything.

God, you're generous.

Yes.

For coffee around here?

Oh wow, we let's not go down that road. I'd rather stay on this particular train because it's lovely. Yeah, that's okay. With Knowledge twenty twenty. Together at Home a virtual benefit concept for the world of health organizations COVID nineteen. Solidarity response fun was cue racked by Lady Gaga Lady knows what She's doing. Hello Gaga. Speaking number one song in April eighteen, two thousand and nine was Boom Boom Boom power by a Black Eyed Piece.

Oh God, I mean lyrical genius, isn't it go the peace? A good cat got a good get The biggest freaking story of this town ever seen?

This Huge.

Jos blown my little black sports socks off this morning? What about this? A former star of the hit US series The OC is heading to neighbors in one of the most surprising cast announcements in the show's history. Mischard Barton, who became a household name, of course, as Marissa Cooper in the early naughties teen drama, is it to move to Ramsey Street? As production gets someone underway on the rebooted Ossie soap. My goodness this as some of the finest working.

Are whoever you want me to be? Right?

Can I bum a cigarette?

Obsessed with The OC? And I don't realize until listening to that, I didn't realize how much that's how about that?

Yeah? Yeah? Can I have a second.

At Dad too?

Oh?

Jimmy had some issues Jimmy did it's just not good with money.

Jimmy, No, No, And what about what about Jimmy's dad married the girl with the red hair?

Can you remember Jimmy's dad married the girl with the red hair.

The Australian guy Alan, Alan Older. I wanted Alan, not Alan Older. Alan. Alan was in match.

Yeah. It's such a tight knit group the TV bus, isn't it. Mash would come together. It's just beautiful connection.

Shut up. This guy Alan, who's been on a heap of stuff in the States, was also on Neighbors, so it's comforull circle. Hang on, No, he's not there.

God. Anyway, we'll do some research during the ad breaks and perhaps we'll get back to you, but hopefully not, which.

I potentially should have done through Taylor Swift. Anyway, it was a divided over the new episode of Australian children's series Bluey This is ridiculous with some climbing. It featured toxic messaging about weight. So the ABC series basically you've got husband and wife, bandit and Chili. They're weighing themselves on bathroom scales, in which Bandit size he goes on man before touching all the excess skin on his stomach cavalism.

Oh man, I just need to do some exercise. Tell me about it. I just take an.

Exercise, same old reason, blue, your kids and work.

Ah. If Chili wasn't honest, then then I don't know when she's here again.

Be honestly, I think Chili was the one that was fatch, having things like to do you what?

And just on that as well. Before we get on that, can we do a little story all the stuff that's circulating on the internet about Chili and her potential affair with Lucky's dad.

That's so ridiculous.

Wow, all the signs add up.

We've got conspiracy theories about Chili having an affair now, yes.

With Lucky's dad, next door neighbor.

Right, Okay, let's move on to line seamlessly. He's related to be performing at the upcoming coronation of King Charles. So the legendary singer said he couldn't believe it when he got tapped on the shoulder. He's joining Katie Perry take that, Andrea Bocelli on the grounds of Windsor Castle on seventh, one day after King Charles Is Charles is officially crowned at Westminster Abby. Can you imagine them all going off to a bit of this.

And Lionel take us into the oppreak.

Imagine Camilla and the King sexually dancing together to this.

Yeah, and Andrea comes in and goes time to sir goodbye.

I never thought I'd say these words, Andrew Hayes, but I'm about to you ready for this?

Here we go.

I'm looking forward to the golf.

Is golf code for netbull? Is that what we're calling netball these days?

Live golf? Mainly because, as you will know, there were three people in my first marriage. There was me, my husband Greg, and a titless nine nine all just a sweet little managatour.

I'm actually surprised that your first order wasn't named titleist.

So I was down at Grange yesterday where they're setting up for the live golf tournament, and oh my god, it's incredible. It looks like one giant, massive party. In fact, the PA three twelfth hole is known do you know this as the watering Hole. It's just a party hole, just set up for a party at the golf. How cool?

Yeah. Back of the Phoenix Open over in the States, which is the sixteenth Okay, sixteenth. Incredible scenes if you googled as well, like they hit a ball in the hole and just people shower the grain with beer and so one golf.

Like, isn't it so yesterday? Ten years first we got cam Smith is he touched down at the airport. He flew domestically normally, Lee Westwood, etc. Some of the players were at the Saints Pies the other night. They're a guest of Mally. Dustin Johnson was there with his wife, Paulina Gretzky, who is the daughter of the greatest ice hockey player of all time, Wayne Gretzky. We all know that in this room, didn't we?

Yeah?

Yeah. If you check out her instapage, which.

He's looking at you like you're speaking.

If you check out her instapage, she is pretty much one of the hottest women on the planet.

I was thinking that you said it though.

So my husband, my husband. When you combine the concepts of ice hockey and a hot woman, wow, wee? Is he up and about? So? I called him yesterday from Greg He's like, have you seen Polina settled down? Mate? But you know who we didn't get yesterday, The man responsible for bringing this tournament here and that is the great white Shark Greg Norman. So we got word here was flying in on his private jet yesterday afternoon. So

Just a maggot for greets you are.

I'm thinking I'm on track for gregor three here and he is wealthy, rich like I wasn't a winner anyway, he didn't land, so I had to go to back to Grange for a live cross and I interview the organizer of the tournament and then at the end of it, he goes, oh, here's the pro ams on Thursday. Starts on Thursday. There's still tickets to that. And I'm like, oh, yeah, so explain the pro am to people.

Yeah, it's basically an absolute, ridiculously normal person can play around of golf with one of these outrageous professionals.

It's unbelievable. And he goes, yeah, so your husband Greg's playing and I went, oh is he that's news to me. I didn't know he was playing in the prim and he goes, oh, no, sorry, that's your ex husband.