Best of 2024 - Hayesy Reveals His AFL Super Power

We got get every day Adelaides. So around about this time yesterday, we discovered a really unique ability, and that is Joe. You can tell you in terms of A listers and celebrities which ones have had affairs and specifically with who.

Yeah, I have this ridiculous ability to retain information about high profile A list affairs. It's not going to save humanity. It's not a superpower that's going to get me anywhere, but a superpower nonetheless.

Tested yesterday you went six from six Ellen Nordegren Woods.

Yeah, he cheated on her with multiple women. Some of them were nightclub hostesses. One was Rachel you could tell, another one was I reckon Jamie Grubbs. He left a voicemail on her phone saying, Hey, my wife's going to call you. She's been through my phone and I just need you to lie for me and delete the number.

That would be huge. I think his words were.

Huge, Hinker, I've just got here. He cheated with more than one woman. It feels good to be a champion, doesn't it.

Yeah, it really does.

And so on the back of that, we thought, oh, surely Hazy's got a superpower.

And then it occurred to me, you do you do.

I have thrown football as names at you before, and you have this intability to either say A what their number is or B how many games?

They played?

Am I correct?

Yeah?

I think it stems from the fact that I really wanted to be football so bad but never got there, so I would focus my attention on people who made it. Okay, So are we doing this? Yeah?

I reckon we are.

This is concerning.

From the producers that brought you Jody and Hazy celebrity cheating scandal.

Quiz Come is the next beat?

Quiz Jody and Hazy?

Important course, legends games playing career queen rolls off the tongue leader doesn't.

It doesn't a bit of feedback for producer Black, just a tiny bit wordy.

We were saying, I'm me intro. But that's okay, which is it's charm. Yeah? Here we are, okay? Are you ready?

Right?

Okay?

So I have got We're going to go one for one here, I've got four Crows players, produce a flag over there, has got three Port Adelaide players. They're all legends of the game. Do you know Andrew Hayes how many games they played?

Are you ready?

Yes?

I am going to kick us off with an easy one. Mark Roshoot Toot otherwise known as Mark ru Raschuto.

That's an easy one, isn't It's round and twelve games for the multiple Allustrolian.

What eight time Allustroia, I don't know that your okay.

Believable Saints, thanks for that absolute piece of candy to kick off.

There we go, one from one doing yourself?

Sorry, all right, hear me again? Next round, place produce a flak.

You're up with a port Adelaide legend.

Let's go former captain dom CASISI right, that's a good one. I'm going to say two hundred and twenty eight games. Oh my god, Doc, beautiful man as well. Gorge absolutely sensational person.

He's he's a mortgage broken now he looks after all the audience finances.

O god, you go, there you go. So you need somebody you can trust with your money, go to donc Ceci.

Yeah, all right, you're ready for Crow's legend number two.

Nigel Smart, Nigel Smart, let's go two hundred and seventy eight games.

Shut off.

I can't remember.

My kid's birthday played by Football's She's incredible. What a superpower.

Three all right, I only get you on this one current legend, going around one more time, Travis Boke.

Travis Boke, come on, hit me with something easy. Three hundred and seventy one games. Oh my god, yes, he's kind of Can I save you some time as well? It's one hundred games ahead of his good mate Robbie Gray on two hundred and seventy one.

No what, I'm gonna have to change the players, Robbie. Okay, give me a second.

I'm removing Robbie Gray, putting someone else in.

Why you doing hash?

Okay, I'm going to hit you with my third Crow's legend, Andrew mcclowd.

Andrew McLeod See. I always wanted Andrew macloud to go one more season to get to the magic with three hundred and fifty game milest time, but his knees wouldn't let it, so we had to finish on three hundred and forty games. Unbelievable thing. Whoa amazing Okay, thank you very much. All right, here we go.

I've replaced Robbie Gray and I've got you on this button. I've absolutely got you.

Is it all legend? Not total games, but total games for port Adelaide. Please Gavin wanganeen. Okay, it's funny you should say that's the gav And Wagon. And of course played one hundred and seventy three games for Eston, which means he played one hundred and twenty seven games for Port Adelaide. That takes us to a total of three hundred games. Flack, you're a freaking you are a freak of nature. Okay, but I can't even tie shoe las.

All right, okay, are you ready this? There is no way known on earth that you were knowing me? All right, ready, not so much a chross legend, but a bit of crowd favorite.

I'm going to say, Wayne, do you.

Know why this is fun Why?

Oh?

Because I was obsessed with the Weed, So I know this off the top of my head. That's sixty eight games. That is amazing. The Weed played sixty eight games. He had the impact of someone who played three hundred and fifty such was his popularity.

Because every time he touched them all who.

Jadie, that is an amazing superpower.

Stand corrected, because I thought you were an absolute.

Let's talk phone etiquette. So Julie Lambert Burnett, She's from the Sydney School of protocol. She has revealed the most annoying phone habits rapped. Okay, I'm gonna take you through my top five. Go on, and not my top five. This is her top five, because I feel like there's a lot of these things that you'll hear and you'll be like, oh my gosh, my partner does that. And even I know that I do several of these things

Okay?

There is a special place in hell for people who have conversations on speaker And it happened yesterday in Chebo. Just the guy just sitting there, just having the loudest conversation. And I will death stare you. I can guarantee you. I will stare you. Do you do something about it?

Yeah, But he's so entrenched in the conversation, doesn't know that you're looking at it.

That's the thing. People are so oblivious.

And what about those people who watch something, who watch their programs without headphones in.

A public space? Is it one night at the gym?

Who will be on the stepper and who will watch a series? Watching it like as loud.

As you like, like where are you? Headphones?

Grow up?

Grow up?

Goodness say it's twenty twenty four.

Grow up.

But also, I don't want to hear conversations. I've got no interest in you talking to Auntie Marge about what you're having for Christmas lunch. Oh don't give it?

Whoa geez? Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen, I really hit a nerve here. Dad's an absolute coprits for this, aren't they. It's a bad thing. There's as a bloke on Instagram called will Give. He's a comedian. It's very, very funny. And this is his little skit on Dad's answering the phone.

Oh what mate, the weather's been pretty good. The last couple sorry, is good. I might yeah you're yeah, yeah, a couple of things. Just gonna talk.

About what happens. What happens. I think it's a different generation where for some reason it's entrenched in your brain. That's these mobile phone things. Oh you better speak up?

Yeah yeah.

But the only thing wrong with that skin is he says Saturday most Dad's I know, go sadday, no A in Saturday.

Another worthy mention to this one. It's not in the top five, but it's something I'm very guilty of. If you can ask my wife car being glued to the fund. Oh yeah, I don't even know what I'm looking at. It's just there. I'm scrolling. Sometimes I'm I'm scrolling a lock screen.

How annoying is it too?

When you go to bed and you know you have to go to sleep, you know you have to get up early, but you just find yourself mindlessly scrolling.

You're like, go to sleep. You know what you should be doing, but you just don't do it.

Just force to have it all right, Top five. Number five using phones at the dinner table.

Ye, annoying kids do that.

Absolute should never happen kids. Number four phone calls at inappropriate times. Yeah, put it on flight mote, silence it, you know what I mean, gives me so he's starting the fire up.

Yeah, doctor's office. Don't make a phone call when you're waiting in the doctor's office. We're all sitting there waiting. It's inappropriate. That's an inappropriate time.

Yes, you're about to get some news that's really going to embarrass you. You don't need to hear someone's in appropriate phone call.

You know, someone's walking past with a little cup of urine and you're on the phone to Aunt Marche.

You know it's inappropriate very well, Yeah.

Distracts you. Knocks the cup of urine, bang opens up on your face. Disaster, That's how it goes. Number three, constantly checking notifications.

Oh don't you turn yours off?

Well, otherwise your phone would constantly be pinging.

You're clearly getting more notifications, and the.

Mind doesn't very often when I notify you that I have text, you will just promptly ignore that for about six hours.

It's good by me. Is trying to live in the moment. Yeah, it's great, very honest.

With you, and I'll be like, okay, that's a very very large spell on the toilet because it's been several hours.

Again, just living in the moment. Okay, So can you all up getting some me time? Number two taking too many photos?

Oh yeah, there, don't even start me on this.

Am I looking at here?

Ladies? Not me?

No? I don't you take too many.

I don't take you to most of my cameralls of you two.

You're taking a photo right now.

I've got it down.

It's potentially ended friendships for me, Like when you go out with people they wanted to do is take photos.

I can't be bothered with this anymore.

Okay, here's the number one you're ready. The number one most annoying phone habit is texting during conversation.

You did that?

Excuse me?

Sorry? You both do that? Do I do that?

Specfully? What do you mean? I do not do that?

Take this?

It's that time of the year, Joe. It's very very exciting stuff. No, no, no, no no, we'll talk about Christmas. We're talking about when all the dictionaries release their words of the year. Oh yeah, Should I give you a quick little history lesson?

Sure?

Last a few days. So Colesworth was the word for the Australian National Dictionary.

Center, combination of Cole's and more Worths.

That's what on Colin's Dictionary had Brat, which we learned was and just a quick little recap summer summer Charlie x X all over it isn't.

She I'm so keen for my brad summer.

Actually, I'll just be hanging out with little brats all summer.

Not that much fun at all. Yesterday we had in shitification from macquarie Dictionary.

Christmas service becomes worse and worse. She becomes in.

What yeah crazy true truth she spent away and right now dictionary dot com, we got a new one. I need to tears. Producers are we demure demure meaning you please explain it to us and use it in a sentence.

So something is very demure, It is very reserved, quite modest, mindful, and we know it.

Blew up on TikTok because there.

Is a very funny, very funny creator. Her name is Jews Lebron, and she was talking about her makeup being very demure, very mindful.

This clip in particular is very demure, very cute.

Make up for work, very demure, very mindful, look very present. All the way I came to the interview is the way I got to the job. A lot of you girls got to the interview looking like Marriage Simpson and got to the job looking like Paddy and Summer, not demure.

Now you've connected with the older people. Do not ever go to a job interview looking like Paddy or Selma. No, because you look terrible and you probably smell terrible as well.

Cigarette, Yeah, like a lot of cigarettes, and you'd sound very husky. How would you say, demil.

Demure, very cutesy Friday, Friday Friday. I told you it's for Jones, rain Piale or shine or even if at Santa's Wonderland we will speak to Ryan fitz.

Is certainly no way we've said this before. Can we kick into a weekend without our.

Fix of fitsyn't even there is?

Good morning man.

I'm just shattered that that I'm not at the Wonderland with you guys, because what a great place that is for kids. I mean for us it was always the archipagra the was saying as wonder land, but for you guys to have families there and to enjoy the day, I mean we I think it's time to start putting the Christmas tree up.

It's not December yet, but it's just around the corner.

And if only you work for Nova and you could get some free passes.

Ah well, shun.

It is a good timing year, though, isn't it. It's a great time with you know what, the Fitzgerald's. We always usually we pick a house. We go to the house. My cousin Shane rocks up with his homemade bourbon, which is fine.

Nothing could go wrong.

Yeah, what about One year Mum was working at the dental surgery down on beach, right at Christie's Beach, and someone come in and said, would you like, Claire, would you like to buy some bill of Bong t shirts? And she said, oh, do you know what? My son is a massive surfing he loves to surf. This is when I was younger. I'll buy five of them. If they're that cheap, I'll buy five of them. Took them home and gave them to me for Christmas. And unfortunately I can't wear a fill of Bong.

Tea s I can.

And the funniest moment was as soon as I said that, my cousin Shane goes, I wear them.

Can I ask of Shane's homemade bourbon? Bourbon is one of those spirits that traditionally makes men very angry. I can only imagine what it would do if it was somewhat.

It is actually not bad, but that's the Fitzgerald family Christmas. So I'm looking forward to her guys that well, the weather's been magnificent leaning up so far, so it should be great.

Can I ask a question, do you do Chris Kringle or do you are you sort of buying each person and individual present.

So this year it's changed up.

I'm not sure if your kids are aware or Joe, you're aware on YouTube?

You know the Norris nuts, Yes?

Oh yes do I yes?

So they're a lovely family. Saber Norris kicked it off. She's a great well, they're all great.

Surfers and skaters.

But they have had so much success through YouTube they've actually bought themselves a house each in BONDI.

This is how much money they make.

It's crazy.

But they as a family, they're a lovely family and it's good for the kids to watch. But they do this thing where the mum and dad give them some money and they'll go to a store and buy each other gifts. So this year we're going I think we're doing a Marion trip and it's one hundred dollars and you've got to buy a present each for each other and then we present them on the day. So that's what our Chris Kringle is for the family this year.

Is that the only thing you get involved in terms of other presents. Fifty like it. Do you ever buy presents or is it just BJ's job? And not because you're lazy, but because you know.

It's genuinely because you're lazy.

I loathe it so much coming up with ideas like and it's like, oh, well, that would be so funny.

It's a kangaroo scrotum bottle opener.

They love that.

It's so funny. Never used it, never used it. But yeah, that's that's how I set.

Up this year. So Lenny wants a PS five and he's been asking quite a bit at the moment, but.

Yeah, enough.

I remember when I was younger, I wanted a Commodore sixty four for years. I asked Santa Claus for years. Three years didn't get out. I'm going this is a disgrace. And then one I'm not joking. One year there was a there was a present under the tree that was long and it was rectangular, which was sort of like the sort of the size of the Commodol sixty four and the keyboard, and I thought, this is it, and

Heads off to see my reaction. Cruel. How cruel is that?

Yeah?

That is shocking, you know, if it's a you know comedy better than us. But I feel like with your young lad, if you were to I don't know, maybe strap a PS two or p S three and call it a PS five, I think that Peo would very much enjoy that.

He's a great idea.

Oh, well done, that is a great Christmas sorded in the Fitzgerald's well done.

Hey, it's so good to talk to you.

As per usual, we'll have to get you out here to send us one land on the ice, skates on the ice, skating in God loved to graceful.

Oh yes, would love that.

We'd love enjoy guys, and we'll speak to you next way.

Your father, he's on the money list. J six nothing not the Friday edition where we go in the blue direction, Yeah, and straight back up after seven o'clock. But right now, very very blueberry saucy. Now you love stories involving faulty penis.

Well, I'm sorry, what have you got? Okay?

A man in New Mexico has been awarded the biggest medical payout in history after doctors irreversibly damaged his Can I not sent it yet?

When you clapped, I just assume you're going to say penis. Okay.

So he got four hundred and twelve million dollars in damages. It is the largest medical mail practice payout from a jury in US history.

Take us through the second largest.

Okay, so that was a woman's boob.

No, that was That was former basketball player Alan Navarro. He was water turning sixteen million in Florida. He was misdiagnosed his headache for a stroke. Oh no, He went in with a stroke and they said, oh good, you've got a headache. Oh no, and he got brain dam.

Oh my god, what are you going to do with you doing sixteen meal? If you've got brain damage?

What are you gonna do with that?

Before?

You've got a faulty dick? You can pay money to make it work again.

Okay.

So he was conned into having unnecessary injections into his genitals by a clinic that preyed on elderly men.

He can no longer get a what's that sound effect?

I think he say the word he can no longer.

Get a.

And he must sit down to urinate because his penny has become enveloped in thick scar tissue.

This is where I jump in for the first time a long time. I think you mean enveloped envelope. Oh my god, finally the tables have turned