Dearest Me,

was that was that's cute. She relax. That was a class clown. That's me. I like it. I'm into it. I think I was a good girl, I mean, a little person. I'm pretty sure these things. We really did get four spankings in my life. Oh yeah, I was that kid though I was. I got like two leg pops. Yeah that's you know, I got two legs. I need a poll on this, y'all. I don't know. I didn't get a one fourteen year old backslap though, like and I earned that one. I did too. I don't know.

I might have to ask. I mean, y'all a parents, So I'm guessing that's true that like the less spankers you got, the better kids you were. But that means I was bad as ship. But I didn't think I was. No, I'm saying I didn't get like I didn't get any behavioral like feedback from school like that was never an issue, never for me. Never you know, you're lying, I am not wait wait wait wait wait? Did it? Was this one time when the sixth grade girl swore I liked

this eighth grade boy. I wasn't thinking about that boy. He was long and skinny. It wasn't my thing. I just wasn't attracted to the boy. And I didn't think he was very bright, you know what I mean. But I was in the eighth grade. She was in the sixth grade. But she's as tall as I am. Okay, she's the tall girl. Anyway, she brought her cousin's down from high school girls to fight me what was wrong

with her hands? She was in the sixth grade, she was, but she told them that this eighth grade girl was picking on her. I'm like picking on her. So they come down to the school and they're like, you're picking on my cousin. I was like picking on who. They're like whatever, the cat. I know her name, but I'm not gonna say it. And I was like, I don't pick on anybody, and they were like, yeah, right, you messing with my cousin. And I had to fight all

them big gass girls. One of them had a love ring, right, like a love and hate ring from me. It was just one of them had a love ring. And I remember because I used to I said, really long nails, And I used to do my nails every day. I don't have nothing else to do, but I did my nails every day, different color for every outfit I had. Because I ain't handling, I had to make it work, you know what I mean. Spiking the apolish was a dollar, so I was trying to make it work, you know.

And I had dug my nails in this girl's face and broke all my nails on in her face. And I thought, I had, you know, really done something, and I did, you know. I took my legs, but I gave him back. But when I got into the mirror of the bathroom and I looked at myself, I saw love on my forehead. I saw love on my mother. And then the principal wanted to suspend me mm hmm forgetting John. Yeah, girl, Guls didn't even go to Earth. These are high school students. I'm in the eighth grade

by myself. Miss Joyce say, because I know she marched up, because that's a march. That's a march worthy. So long it's march worthy with them long legs, let's go. Yeah, nobody got suspended. She should have because she was definitely spended. She's a person who had the people coming up there and all of that. That's crazy. What if you had gotten hurt her heard her just then you placed it for a little while. I had a little bruise and then it was like and like see light skin problems.

You'll not light skin what you're talking about. That's to episode listeners. I'm just so a lot to you today on the zoom. I'm feeling that we're all looking the same complexion today. So I'm gonna come. I'm gonna I'm gonna pull back on the light skin joke. You mean, I'm simming them. You summon them today? They it's given simming them today. Cute? You know we all yellow? Have you? Great baby sim man man like you hate right, you just came from my island I can see it. The moon. Look,

the moon is the cancer. The moons did cancer. I'm meant to ask Amber what that means. She said, it just means everybody is deep within the feelings right now in any way in which you are feeling specifically, like, shut up, agent, it's the trophy. Remember Yaba who came on the show, right Yea Yabba hit me yesterday and was like, girl, siste, don't say nothing to nobody. She like, the moon cancel, girl, I don't know. I don't even

be knowing. This is just you know how your girlfriends, all your girlfriends be knowing stuff and they just bring things to you and you're just like, okay, I'm I know that, Okay, I know that. But when mercury and retrograde hits, we all like, I'm not signing that. I'm not. It's all it's happening right now. We should be talking to each other. We shouldn't be talking right now. I don't know what. Maybe maybe we shouldn't be talking to each other. Maybe maybe we shouldn't be talking to anybody.

I don't know. And thank you so much for listening to Jay dot the podcast and then our pleasure to not talk to you these things you eat, the meat, you throw off the bones. You know what I'm saying. You need the warnings. Uh huh, you just here's the thing. More than don't talk to nobody, be mindful of everybody's feelings. Be mindful of how you talk to folks, Be mindful of your own needs. I feel so bad. I feel

like our whole group texting strange today. I was in my feelings like I know, but you might have been in. That's okay, It's it's my to tend to your needs. Well, maybe we shouldn't talk to to other people, but we could talk to ourselves. We could look that seg You know, they don't know what we mean by that. They don't. We decided that we were going to write love letters to ourselves. Yeah, why we you do such a thing.

Why would you write a love letter to yourself? Because you know the world is so busy, and because the interweb is what it is. Um, you've got people that you don't know. I saw I saw something on TikTok today and there was a guy who was talking about working out with this woman and he got he you know,

he stitched himself. And then later when he comes back, and he's Steven saying that the comments that that he caught, they were talking about how ugly he was and how he never would stand a chance to even work out with that woman, that um, you look like you stick, that you look like a loser. He was just like in tears, like now I actually work out, and she says she wanted to work out, and I was like, let's work out together, you know, and he was like, I had no idea by putting myself out there in

that way what I would get back. And he was like, it was just a lot of nasty, hateful, mean spirited comments. So this is one of those opportunities where you know, if you're dealing with anything remotely like that, whether it's on any of the social media's, whether you're dealing with hateful comments from family members or um from your boss, or even from from yourself. Mm hm, pick a moment and write a love letter to you. Yeah, so that's

what you know. It's interesting because I saw something very similar to happen with Keikey Palmer, who was my big faith and making comments about her looks and she just had such a beautiful I don't even want to call the clapback. It was just, h just a moment of clarity, like, honey, like I love myself, Like I'm sorry that you have an issue, and you felt that you had enough power over me to exert that. But I loved the way that she kind of reiterated that that love for herself

at that moment. And I know it can be difficult to dredge that up because even even if you're not having an issue like that, you know, there's a lot of benefits to an exercise like this just in general, Like, even if you're not having a specific issue, it can be I open it in a lot of ways, you know what I'm saying. It really give you a you know,

a burst in your creativity, yourself awareness, you know. And this is actually like measurable things they talk about how like this kind of thing can really be good for your mental health, for your emotional health, and like I said, just as an exercise just to kind of boost and jump start your creativity. So you know, I may not just be an answer to you know, an existing issue or just something good to do. I ain't gonna lie to you like this this for me, Wow, I was

just like mm hmm. You don't realize how much even though you may feel Somebody said, do you feel loved, You're like, yeah, I feel loved, I feel long, But you don't realize certain things that you just don't hear. Nobody has a better perspective on you than you. Nobody and you kind of the only person who knows what

you need to hear. M you know, even though there are times when people tell you things and you're just like, oh, I didn't even know I needed to hear that, But in retrospect, you're the person who knows the words that need to be spoken to you. You know how you need to be treated, you know how you need to be affirmed, and it's like until you actually do it, it's like it's it's just a good reminder of what it is you need to hear and how you need to move forward. I mean, I'll say that that's what

it is, what that exercise was for me. More will talk after the break. I don't know if what this means, but when I wrote mine, it kind of just flew out. There are certain things that I really really enjoyed about myself and I just wrote them. So I'm I'm gonna read mine first. Okay, mm hmm, all right. Love letter to Jill. I remember you from the beginning, when you were small and full of imagination. You played by yourself for hours. You still do. I remember how you read

stories to the boys outside. I recall how you kept their attention, how they asked questions even though you were so much younger. I remember the confidence it gave you, how you rushed home and waited. They always showed up. I remember they protected you for that. I remember when things got dark and you went to work, you got home so late, you gave up your seat for elders, like your mommy said. I remember feeling proud of you. I remember liking you humming to yourself. You sang to

walk to the bus. It felt like a private underbreadth of joy from me to me. I love that you still sing for nothing and mostly everything. I love that it still lives in you. I love that you remember your grandmother's skin and the feel of her night gown. I love that you grew up sweet, despite the neighborhood and some neighborhood kids who hated your clean clothes and tidy hair and willingness to share. I love that you still love despite jealousy. I have loved you from the beginning.

I know your heart. It's been a joy, even through tears and my cherished pleasure to be you. And I mean that. I love that letter. I mean that, and I'm gonna read it to myself again and again. You feel like I'm losing something special or something that's important to me. I loved that. I used to go to the store from my elders in the neighborhood. I love that I come from from Joyce, Allas wool will co

around and cut the neighbors toenails. And I used to be like, that is the off club, Like you've seen old people feet and you've seen toenails. And she would get she had a whole kid, and she would just go to each neighbor and cut their toenails. And then one day I remember it being like, Mom, why would you do that so mad? I'm impressed, but I didn't make an ugly face. I did too make it all right now. And she said, because a lot of them have diabetes and if they cut their toenails wrong, they

could bleed to death. And I was like, wow, I love that. My grandmother used to say, Hey, come here, are you hungry. I love that. And she would invite strangers in for a meal and they would sit there to wash their hands and sit there, and my grandmother would feed them. I just love that about her. I love that I am these people's descendant, that that kind of spirit. I just had a moment recently in the last two months where people that I love, even from Afar,

they needed something. Um they lost people that they loved so much, and it was just towering and constant, and I, you know, I invited them here, come here, let us loan you. And we did. My family and I we did. We cooked, we play music, we aft, we I listened, you know, I just listened. I rubbed feet and run baths and let him sleep and remind them you know that life is still happening, even though this is the darkest time you've ever known. This is the worst loss

you've ever felt. And as much as it pleased me, it I mean, it gave me such I don't want to say pride. It just made me feel helpful, useful. I was gonna say, need, yeah, useful, mighty feeling. Oh child, let me tell you some that is my drug of choice. Girl, didn't that thing fire that is my drug of choice to be able to help somebody. It's got me into a little bit of trouble in my life. I won't even lie, but I know the feeling you're talking about,

and it is like an adrenaline. Not adrenaline. It's less harsh. It's like a love rush. It's like like it just makes you feel like, thank you God, Life, I got this, this gift. You know, all of the things that life has brought me is sent me to this place, this home that I call us house. I call it us house because when Jaed was little, even be like Mom, can we just go to us house? And I used to love that that he wanted to go home. So home has become a place for you know, my friends,

um that are dealing with something. You know, I can't say. I can't make no promises like they're gonna walk out of here and feeling one better. But if I could get thirty percent, you know what I mean, just to remind them that life is worth living and that the loss may never it doesn't go away, you will always

feel it. But if you do the best you can to hold on to the good stuff, the fun stuff, the things that learned you and grew you and um made your dream, you know those things, and especially with from that person like you can you can get through this too. That's such a good thing about love is that, especially when you're down, is how God will show you

a person. You won't even think that it's going to come from that place, right, It'll just it'll be a friend that you think it's busy, where you think it's so and so or you know, and they love you and everything. But that happened to me my mother passed.

I had a friend who called me and just soothed me into a nap, And it was like the last person that I would have thought, as much as we love each other and care about each other, it wasn't like, you know how sometimes you think it's gonna be this person, it's gonna be that person. But in that instance, it bonded us together permanently in a way that I bonded

with nobody else. Some people you just some people you just connect with and you like them and you don't even have a real good reason why, you just do. And then years later, many many many years later, and you have interactions and they felt good every time every time we saw them. He had interaction. It was like fun with you and you're going about your business, going on on your life, and then next thing you know, you're doing a podcast together. Oh yeah, but yeah, no, no,

that's that was a beautiful letter. You know, it's funnying. I knew this would have been that when we did this, that I would hear things from you all that would inspire me further. And one thing that inspired me about your letter was that you talked to your little girl's self. Mm hmm. And I'm gonna take that with me. I'm gonna take that with me. That's what That was a good time. Wasn't it a good time? And that was a good time. It wasn't it was a good time for me. Like I told you I had, I was

having a tough day when I did this. I was having a tough day and I was like, yeah, I don't even know what you ever think so fast in your mind you have a serieson of thoughts, and they didn't It's not like each of those thoughts hang around long enough for you to say, oh I thought this, and I thought this, and I got here. But you know that you all kind of happened to the secession and you ended up in a place. That's how I

did my letter. It was like I was thinking about love and I was thinking about myself and how I would make myself feel better, and it was like boom, bum bum and write a letter to yourself. Mm hmmm. And that's that's that's how kind of got to that moment from for me, I think that's the best day to do it, when you're not having a good day, when you're when you're just like ready to screw it all girl. I think that's the best day to write

a lot. It might be because I tried to do it on a good day and it made me sad, so I didn't do it. Sorry. That's how that's it had the opposite effect for me. I was having a really good day until somebody said, where your life. I was like, what, I'm being productive over here, getting ship done, hood dress this ship. I don't even know if I like myself most days, but go ahead, Asia inspired me, motivate me, move me all right, here we go. That's a lot. That's a tall. That was a tall. That's

a tall, little order. If I wouldn't have said it, you would have did it anyway. It's just because of the words that came out. Don't you feel like that? I feel like that. Every time I aine about to open her mouth, I get excited. Not as good as you. Sure, actually it don't say it is, but I'm this is. This is from my heart, from my court, my heart, dear angel. I miss you. I mean I see you every day, but I missed being alone with you, just listening to music or eating food, just doing nothing or

laying quietly. I love how you think, even when you bounce from subject to subject L O L. I love that you like all kinds of art, and I love your passion. You're so passionate. When you love something, you're all in. I love that you can keep it cool, to keep the peace in yourself with others. It makes me sad, though that sometimes you feel so unworthy and so unsure. I believe in you, though I want you to take good care of yourself. I worry about you. I love you, and I don't want to lose you.

I admit I should think of you more. I'll do better. I get distracted easily, and I promised to prioritize you from now on. I do love you. I do I love you. I want to see you in always your best girl, that my heart ditto. That's everything I was gonna say, girl, turn me whole. I was beautiful, inspired, motivated, moves sick. I mean, I think it's a good thing for me. It's like, I don't know, maybe my mind set and it wasn't like a set mindset. I'm just trying to think back as to where my mind was

at the time. But I guess my mindset is just kind of like what do I need to hear right now? And I could really identify with being ab out to cry because I did. I after I read mine, as I read mine out loud to myself because I was, let me read this now, I would loud to myself. And when I read it out a lot to myself the first time, I did cry because I did I needed to hear those words at the time. I still

do like I needed to hear those words. And when you said you was gonna read it to yourself every day, read it to myself every day, you know, Because I don't know, I feel like sometimes you know, And it's funny because I tell people this and I feel like sometimes and I don't have any resentment of my hot behind this because I hear a lot of people talk about it. I have been for a lot of years some of my people's go to person, and I say

this to other people all the time. But as you know how that is when you gotta turn things on yourself, like you know, nobody's coming, like check for yourself, you know. And it's like, it's not that other people don't love you. I think a lot of times we're waiting, you know what I'm saying, We're waiting on something to happen, and we can really come and check for ourselves. And don't wait to hear the things that you need to hear. Don't don't wait on anyone else to say them, you know,

say them to you. You know what I mean? And it's not And don't downplay yourself. Well I can't. It's me. I can't say. Who are you? Who are you to say that about you? Who are you not to say loving things? Not to say loving things about you? You were there the whole thing, the whole time. If you were gonna say this to someone else, you would want that person to take you seriously if they said to you, all, no, you're just saying that because you are you would be like, no,

I'm saying that because it's the truth. You have the ability to be truthful with yourself. It's a very songwriter like assignment to y'all. I don't know if y'all realize this, but you did it felt like y'all did that with ease as well, because part of this is what you do. So I think that it should not be gone without saying that, like you know, and it's it may be a little harder for some of us others that don't time spend time with ourselves because it's required for our

craft to be better, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I think that's fast, definitely, but I submit that you can do right. Tend Bread ever said that and I thought, I was like, yeah, I would. Yeah, that's a good one. That was a good way. That starts with a list, honey, Amber beyond right, ten things that, um that you love about yourself. Yeah, and it's okay, let's start with five and make it easy. What did I say? I said, Um, the truth is an ego. No, the truth is the truth.

You are allowed to love yourself. And I don't just mean you're your bits and pieces, but you can love your bits and pieces too. It's okay, it's all right, have a love fest. And you are aware. See that's the thing. You actually are aware. You're aware, you know, you know it's good. Let it go out there. Look that on that purple. Write it up. Make you change the perspective because I shut myself like I usually sometimes my father has a tendency to uh, I tease him.

He compliments himself before I can get to it, and to a point where, like we we argue about it quite frequently, like can I just let me say it before, like you say the things and then you before you even finish. It's like, yeah, I killed that, that was deep, that was this, and and I go, Daddy, shouldn't and you let somebody else tell you that though, because like you say it to me, don't you want to wait

for me to tell you? And I almost feel bad in this moment that I had these exchanges with him, because no, my daddy is like, I ain't all wait for nobody, Like I heard it, I said it. I know it was profound, and who I'm waiting on? Oh? I got to apologize to Ron and get y listen. I apologize to my mother and the spirit realm on a consistent basis. Susan, sorry, girl, I'm sorry. I'm sorry because you had tried to told me you had tried to say it. But you know, I mean that meant

you got a good person. Yeah, I happens we get older. That happens more frequently than we definitely would like it to. I think, Chuck, you said Asia, whether your parents what you or not, We're gonna take a quick break and then we'll be right back. Come on, list, Come on list, I got, I got I love hard. I like that. I like that. I was about to write something like I love that as loud as I am. I am as much a listener. True, that definitely, that's where I'm at.

I love my friends and my um. I can't do that. I love my friend, Okay, I try. I can't talk much. Okay, Well, you can love the tribe you chose your tasting friends. I do love okay. I love my taste and friends. I'm really good at that. I don't really Okay, So what else youre talking about? Will she? I wish you you know, this is one of the few times where

I wish you all could just see the little girl. Yes, yes, that's why you you write yourself a love letter or you write down things that you love about yourself, because it just it doesn't feel like a hug. I want to do a combo thing like you and Asia, like I want to come from Asia's perspective, and then I want to do jil like I want to do the little girl thing. But then I liked it what Asia did. The way she was like talking to herself like pep

herself and reminding herself. So yeah, that's why I said. It's like and apologizing to herself and laughing at herself. That was so lovely. Yeah, it was love. You just need, like I need to hear somebody's to hear y'alls. I was like, wait, so what we do ones that look like? What does that sound like? We'll look at that. That's exactly what we're here. I'm glad you were transparing hear it. Yeah, we're letting you hear it so that you can do

your own I promise you'all. Love my little heart. I can't believe it still works like it does, but I'm so glad it does feel great. It does loving all my parents, I got things. I guess I gotta do it. Without bringing you gotta do it, but stop making other people a part of it, like okay, okay, okay, I'm trying to tell you I deeply appreciate your struggle with this and I'm so glad you girl. You're a blessing to these people who are listening, because it isn't as

easy as it looks. It's not as easy as it And then, yeah, I don't think I made it look easy. I think I was stuttering and all the things ya y'all felt a little it was a little cool. But let me tell y'all why y'all don't think y'all made it look easy. What you don't because easy would be too much of a simple word to apply to what y'all both did. But y'all have a natural way with words,

and so it does appear. And I I know y'all, but even to me who knows you, it does appear that it's easier for it to flow out, for you to express your feelings, to put word to feeling than the average person. So yeah, it without offending you, because I know it ain't easy for y'all, but it does sound like it flows really pretty, like even when you're crying and stuttering through it, which Jill, you didn't stutter. Now It's okay. I why is that in my throat?

I was like, I'm feeling at my thought it comes and this cause it's a side aim. It comes at such a great time because I have so much on my plate and so many things to look forward to that easily, I know me, I can't get anxious. You know, fear exists. I try to fight that mother sucker, but nonetheless it exists, and I can feel overwhelmed, you know, by all the things that are coming my way. And I writing that reminded me of the little girl who just did it because it felt good period, Because it

feels good period, like I feel such a release. Sometimes you gotta get some permission to feel good, like thank you for giving us permission. And I think, like I said, as you were doing it, as much as I was listening to you, I was thinking about, like, dang, what did I what did I love about myself as a little person, as a young person. I remember recently a friend of mine was like, do you remember what you

said to me when we first met. I was like, child, no, I don't remember, and you, like you was like, hey, my name is Adria, and you should get to know me because I'm gonna be famous one day. How old were you do you remember? Like fifteen or sixteen? I don't know, just being goofy, you know what I mean? Like I was like it. The thing about it is when you're young and that fear hasn't crush you or try to crush you. Yet it happens earlier now if you ask, it does. And I think I think I

love that about myself. I love that I was always the first of my hand like I didn't care. I was always the first kid to raise my hands. I wanted to read out loud out, I wanted to take on a challenge. I loved that about myself. My daughter was having an issue with she's a drama major, and she was having an issue with it with something she was having to play. And I remember being twelve years

old and wanting so bad too. I was doing a Shakespeare thing and wanting so bad to be Catherine from the Taming of the True, but I couldn't because they cast somebody else. So my teacher, who was brilliant at the time, she said, well, you know, in Shakespeare's time, women weren't allowed in the theater. She was like, so all the men had to play the women's roles. She was like, well, how about we just do that with you and just flip it around and you could be Petruchio.

And I was like, and I was. I was petru And he was like one of the only all black troops in this thing that we came out to perform for. And me and my best friend were Catherine and Petruchio. And I was like the only black girl that had done a gender been enrolling the whole thing. So it was just like really cool, Like I love that. That wasn't I wasn't fearful of that. I see some kids twelve in the thirteen age group, you know, and they're like forty five, forty two, twenty three. I mean that

fear gets strong as you get older. Yeah, you just take the first person to shoot you down, and then another one and another one and another one. Oh am, I gonna get up that. The first fear, the first real fear was was Mr Lovitt's in math. I know I told you guys about him because I still talk about him in therapy. Yeah, that man, he said, you are so ugly. I don't know how anyone could bear to look at it. You are so stupid you should just face the wall. What. Oh, Mr I was in

the seventh grade. Why a teacher like that? Wow, it's amazing, big fat Mr love it. He gave me a big fat, juicy f wow. Because once my mom came to the school and talked to him the next day, he was like, so I'm mean to you. That's the way he reacted. That's the way he reacted. No, No, he didn't get fired. When you know teachers back when we was kids, they got away with a lot, a lot. That's why I said. That's why I apologized to y'all. When we were talking.

I don't know if we were talking to something Mitchell or somebody, and I had a whole like regurgitation of Mr. Tyson calling me a bumbling idiot and telling my friends not to hang out with me. M And to this day, Mr Typson he's still around. He ain't that old. And some of my classmates go out to dinner with him every year because that's my favorite teacher. And I'd be like, really, I guess for y'all, ye parents have to come up

for that one. To Jim yea, I wish you would have gave me an because remote bot out that, like, let me tell you something. I took that F I took it. My grade still still with all the rest of the grazing on my report guard, I still had a B average. So it didn't destroy you. So I let the fuck go. But from that on, that moment on, every time I got to a math class, I felt like my heart with race and I would you know,

because I didn't know what this meant? Is this another moment where because I was behind the math, I was how was you in high school? And math struggled? Struggle my ass off, I struggled. But you know again, you know I was at girls high so school. You know when I didn't pass math, I didn't get to walk m M meant dad. And I attribute some of that

to my early education. And I contribute that to Mr Lovitt because when I because I went to summer school every year, every year, faithfully, and every year, I got an a trauma. That's math trauma. That's what that is. But you know, side note, a lot of girls and also specifically and especially black girls, have a lot of trauma around math. Me too, Joe I have a lot,

have a lot. I want to give a moment a little, a little shout out to Grassroots Community Foundation and had a program specifically addressing this that was spearheaded by one of their young super girls, Amina, who came up with a program to address this issue with young middle school black girls. That's when it starts. That's interested. It definitely starts a little school that is that's deep. I didn't know that it was a trying. I didn't. I didn't know that it is a real thing, it's a real being.

I want to also take this moment side note to appreciate those teachers who are out here not inflicting trauma on young people, because as you can see, this stays with us. Right, I'm a shout out Brent Elementary School, with which I know I've always I've done already on this podcast before at some point I'm sure Brent Elementary School, Roberty Brent, Washington, d C. Circa eighties. I would say between eighty two and eighty seven for me, But I

just want to shout them out. Every single solitary teacher from kindergarten to sixth grade was a black woman, including science, including music, including Jim, including our school counselor and our principle. Shout out to Dr Francis Plumber. Listen, Dr, I know we was raised in d C, y'all, which I don't understand what agents saying. This is really still a big deal. And we wanted to the DC ist, the blacktiest black

that is black. He had. We had every single one of my teachers and my gifted and talented teacher whose idea it was for me to gender be in that role. Msminton shout out. You know what I'm saying. These women shaped and molded me as a person from kindergarten to sixth grade. I was taught by a black woman, and many of them had advanced degrees. And I think now that I know what I know about how they hired

teachers and how principles are are responsible for this. Now I know that this was intentional and this was done by a black woman. Dr Plumber who hired these women who no doubt many of them went to DC Teachers College. So shout out to to to that school that later one became U d C. So I just want y'all to know, so thank thank you to our little people. Thank you Missia Warren shout out. I want to shout out Dana Miller, who happened to be um Jets math tutor.

And it was a rough go for a while, but miss Dana has she's out of Philadelphia and I'm gonna send you know, make sure I send you a link um to where you can reach her if you're in the Philadelphia area and you're you're struggling where your child is struggling in math, because she has a way. There's always a giggle, there's there's always um some level of fun which I can't you know, like all fun math fun fun math. There's fun math. Math is fun. Yeah.

I could hear my child laughing any other room and I was like, wow, that's impressive. And slowly but steady league his confidence grew MA and um, I just want to let you guys know that there's somebody out there who has a gentle way and extreme knowledge of mathematics and it's definitely invested in getting your child or yourself to another level. Man roots link in there too, because

they just a wealth of resources. And also too, when I did homeschool with my my kids, y'all know, like I said, math again, not my ministry either so oursourced to Melanie Young, who is amazing also out of Philadelphia, out of University of Pennsylvania, amazing black woman, works with black family, all kinds of families, but um, she definitely worked with my family and my kids and when they

had their homeschool graduation, she came to support them. So again, this to me, that pouring of love into young people and particularly you know, around things that we comment like traumas that we share that it stays with us, the love and the trauma. But we thank God for the love because we're able to kind of talk about it now and share that and and not repeat those same cycles and paying attention to those things for our own kids.

But if you can't come home and tell you somebody that says some wild ship, believe them because they don't get saying wild things. Please, especially when it's coming from a teacher. Baby, when your kid is saying that a teacher, that was like, seriously, some of the many things I and I did. I did. I faced the wall. It's like it's under the rest of the year. But guess what I did. I wrote the whole time, I wrote

the whole time. I wrote a little plays. I wrote stories, I wrote poetry, I wrote, I wrote the whole time, so that I just started looking forward to that little part because I knew he wouldn't think about me at all. He didn't. He never even said hello that I was in a room. Nothing from that point on was my mother came to the school. He never spoke to me again. And I was happy because I didn't want I didn't

want no parts more conversation. After the break, you know, I was reading, um, it's like a young person's book, but it's a biography on Octavia Butler, and some years ago, like her notebooks were discovered and people talked about how she had manifested and written all of these things that she wanted to become, being a bestseller, what money she wanted to make, the impact she wanted to make, and thinking of her as a little girl, and reading about her as a little girl, you said, you know what

I did. I wrote everywhere she wents used to bring a pink notebook, and she published her first story when she was ten. But she got you know, rejected a lot of times too, so like lots of rejection because she was writing science fiction, and you know, people didn't want to hear that from her. Um. But what's interesting about her story was just you could see the little girl part. So when you told me about when you were, like, you know what I did. She was. She was lonely.

She was a bit of an eyeball, and two combat the loneliness. She wrote. She wrote stories to entertain herself. She would read stories and they would be trash, and she would write a story because she would say, you know, I think I could probably write a better story than this trash of reading. And I love that. I love that because it gets into Tony Morrison who said, hey, if there's a book you haven't read yet, write it mhm.

And I just love that. I love the thought of that it can turn out okay, that that that painful experience, that thing that makes that's supposed to make you not love yourself mm hmm. It doesn't have to be the end of the story for you. You can you can take that moment and shifted ship. I'm like, thirty years later, I just realized my teacher that was calling me a bumbling idiot didn't even acknowledge that I was two years ahead of everybody in the school. How am I idiot?

I'm younger than everybody in my class, in my grade, and you get paid now to give your opinion on a wealth of different things. Yeah, you know, I don't call me where girl was was on something and I you know, I'm a big fan of her. And she said something I'm paraphrasing. When somebody is jealous, there's something that you can't even give them. It's not even like it's a purse or a necklace. You can't even give them what they're jealous of. It's something you know that's

innate to you. She said. She was like, when I walk into a room by light of the room, you you dark in the room. Bitch, what what can you? What can you do about that? Nothing? But but you can damn. Somebody's like, that's what they try. They can't they try. I want to I want to take this moment also to say I'm sorry that that happened. I'm sorry that he did that. You didn't deserve that. You He should never have been allowed to speak to you

that way. And even though those people still associate themselves with him, and I know that that's painful again because they were ended up working on Wall Street and being doctors, it's like five Wall Street doctors, lawyers. You know, they're gonna have dinner with him. I'm sorry. He didn't care about any of that. He didn't care about that, that wasn't your path at all. So he just completely miss understood a student, misunderstood. He chose to misunderstand the student

he chose. He just he chose violence in a way that was absolutely unnecess unnecessary, harmful, purposeful in all the ways that a person can be harmful. It's like people talking about language. Language can cut just as much as any kind of physical violence. And you know, I really I hate that that happened to you, and you didn't deserve that. And I just want to tell you right now, like you know, whatever you feel about it is valid. I just I just say it once and I'm done.

I said it. Yeah, we're gonna punch this ass out hout out, Like you said, it's far too many good teachers and great teacher experiences to let him win in that situation. And say what you're saying with Mr. Somebody on here know where these teachers weren't good. Neither of them won anything that part. They didn't win. They didn't win at all. The worst way possible. You all blossom. I'm talking about in their lives. I'm talking about an hour.

They didn't win at all, not even the slightest, Mr Levin, do you even know? Do you even know? It's ugly? Could never? Do you know what they say about me today? You know what they say? Don't they sprints all to which I caused? Honey, But a mere smile, minkle in the eye, bitch down, Take the people down. All they need to see is the smile that they know is me? Sir? Do they know what you do? Does they want you? Good? Bye? Mr Leat. I'm gonna try my best not to mention

him anymore, but it may come up. It may come up that man to which we should I'll not name, yes, which we shall not name, because we don't name them. We name people to give power them. Yeah, shout out the good one. But I like your thinking them. Take a deep breath, letten, take a deep breath. Man in this life right here? Y, it's a thing, is it not? It's a thing. It is a thing. Oh, I'm so grateful for age. Some people didn't make it. Yeah, yeah,

I know. It's funny. My boyfriend always gets mad because I say it's been a long life, and he's like, why do you act like it's about the end. I'm like, no, I'm not acting like it's about the end. But you gotta understand, like, these first four decades, it's been a doing me. We'd have done some things. It's been a whole story, a whole story's many chapters in this book. Who many think about that? Listen, I don't know wherever

you are. I don't I don't know exactly what you're doing except for listening to Jay dot Ilda podcasts, and we really thank you for that. I would love to share this poem about love. You ain't done that in a while. Come on, Jim, we like it when you do that. Man. This is This is written by Philadelphia poet Laureat Ursula Rucker. She writes, on this day, there will be no talk of war or politic or disaster or death. Love is alive today, so we will speak only of love. There will be only love on tom

and up and in heart and thought. And it won't be that Hollywood type of love, not TV love, not dime store novel love, and certainly not mainstream music love. Love, love, you know love, love that has been worked on love like gardens and term papers. Love that has been nurtured, like children, and well like children. Love that falls, crashes, even burns, but dusts off, fixes up and rises, rises

more brilliant than before. Phoenix love, Yeah, phoenix love. So let us speak only of love, healing love, No herbal or over the counsel, love, m real healing, love like God, love like mother's love, lovers love, child's love, like best friend. Love and change the world love, human love, humans love, love, soft love, heart word, but just love, enjoyed the new garden.

Work on it together. Ursula Rucker. M m mmm mm hmmm, she said, no herbal or, over the counter, lover real healing, the combination of which cannot take the combination of her words and your voice. It's too much. It was just the words, the words. Fucking I love you, Ursula. We love you, Ursula in the words words, the words. Some people just have an understanding. M hm. And so we thank God, thank God, and we send love to the artists,

to the poets, songwriters. Thank you all for the word makers, makers, the painters, the sculptors, thank you, We thank you. The dancers. Come on, all that evoke in of emotion the musicians listen. Thank you all for teaching us how to love mm hmm had the birds maybe that the actions, but you knew how to say it. Yeah, we want, she said, because some of them may live in we're talking about the were talking about. We're talking about the art. Love

this show. Deep breaths. Take a moment and love yourself today. Okay, take fifty moments, take a thousand bucket, going to love yourself all day, all night. You're worth it and so deserving. Thank you so much for listening to Jay dot Ilga podcast. It is always our pleasure to have conversation that sparks conversation, love and light, y'all, how do you eat an elephant? One by it kind? Hello, dear listeners, it's Amber the producer here. I love this episode. I just love and

we love ourselves, I really do. And we're finishing it out with Layah's completed assignments. Hey y'all, it's Laia and yes, I have reluctantly written my top five things that I love about me and shout say everybody's in my tribe that is challenged by this challenge. It ain't easy, but we have to do it all right, So here we go in no particular order. Number five, I am a conscious work in progress. I love that about me. Number four. I love that I try to consider all in most situations.

Number three. I love that I refused to give up, but I am not opposed to giving in. You know what I'm laying. Number two, I love that I am open to most things and all kinds of adventures. Uh. Number one, I love how hard I love, no matter the outcome. And a bonus one for you and for me? What really for me? Because this is about me. I love the complexities of my tight walp okay and now challenge y'all see it's not easy, all right, you do it? Love,

y'all see it the next show. Hi, you have comments on something that we said in this episode called eight six six. Hey, Jill, if you want to add to this conversation, that's eight six six nine five four five five. Don't forget to tell us your name and the episode you're referring to. You might just hear your message on a future episode. Thank you for listening to Jill Scott

presents Jay dot Ill. The podcast Ja dot Ill is a production of I Heart Radio for More podcast from I heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.