Jesus Christ Show | Hour 2 [10/01]

You're listening to Kfix on demand. Melissa, Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show. Good morning Jesus, thanks for taking my call. Left the bumper music. Oh my gosh, Yeah, I love it. Yes, I recently lost my husband to glioblastoma. And yeah, it was rough. It was a top three year battle and it was just last week. And my thoughts are I was praying. I'm a woman of faith. I prayed my prayers of petition, like please take this away, the pain and all that.

And when he left, I was there for his last breath. And when he left, I immediately felt amazed and rejoiced. And the feelings I had were overwhelming because I was so downtrodden with prayer, hope, faith, trust. I lost trust. I would say to God and say, okay, God, put your big boy pants on right now, because I guys, I'm talking to do. I mean, I would get so down and dirty deep about my feelings and watching him go through this as well. And my

feelings now are almost should I say this, They're not a petition. My prayers this morning, prayers of rejoice, well of gratitude, And the feeling is so overwhelming because I felt so sad and now to rejoice. It's almost I feel like it's almost like not a guilt feeling. It's just I don't know what to do with it. It's almost yourphoric and I know these are kind of tears of joy, to be honest with you, and just that

transition has been like overwhelming for me. Yeah, I just I don't know if I'm looking for validation with that or I'm not quite sure, but it just feels so calming. No, He's okay, and that I'm okay, and these feelings are like just to such an That last breath kicked my ass when I saw him take his last breath, and it's I felt his fear of lead. I cried and then I felt like, oh my gosh,

thank you. And I say to myself, and I say this in all honesty, I would do it all over again to feel this on the other side. I don't know. It's just good and I don't know good. I know sad, I know hope, I know I trust, but lack of trust and then regaining trust it was such a roller coaster. And to feel now the love I have is overwhelming. Just I don't know. I guess I'm just sharing and asking. I don't know, but it feels good to talk to us through with you and your thoughts. That's all I have.

Well, it's not unusual, Melissa, and going through pain. And in this particular case, you say, glioblastoma. Yes, yes, so brain cancer. Yes, they call it the beast. It's very it's gnarly. It just takes you out, it was, Yes, it takes all your faculties. And he was char fisherman, and he was a pilot, and he was all those things, and it just took him out slowly, slowly. And he was a man that wouldn't wanted to do all the trials. And for the next person, he was a very giving soul, very

giving, and it just got the best of him. Yeah, if anybody's going through it might feel your pain. But yeah, well it sounds like you have. You have really taken in not only his life, but taken in the faith that you talked about prior to this. Anybody can have faith when things are going well, and it doesn't mean that you don't have faith when you're in pain or sadness. There is a time for all of those things in scripture. But and you may go up and down as the Lord

shows you different things. Obviously, that's my goal, is to give you a life where you can see and feel these different things. But I bet as somebody of faith. To others that don't have faith, it might be strange or they may not understand it. But the fact that you do, the fact that you're living in that pain and it's coexisting with joy is kind of what God does. And joy. You know, they say that happiness is a momentary feeling of joy due to a happening. So something good's happening

and you feel that joy. But the believer is not called to that. The believer is called to a joy when there isn't even reason for one, because God transcends what happens here. And thank thank the Maker that he decided to give you that in this time for whatever reason, and to be in the moment differently, And as I said, it might go one way or

the other depending on feelings and understandings and just general missing somebody. And it sounds like you knew your husband well and that those things, those life affirming things that you said, like fishing and getting out there, And then is saying that any trial or anything like that, he was, he was ready

to help for those that will come after. It doesn't strike me as odd at all that you're in the place that you are, got protection from both man who showed you who he was and is, and now he gets his retirement and graduation, and God wants to protect you as well as he says it doesn't matter who is with you, that He is with you, and being with you in that way should be comforting. Isn't it strange that you have some sort of peace and your hope and you're being cloaked in that,

and that that's the what is perceived as a strange thing. Yes, I don't know what that is as a cathologist, I don't know that. You know. I will say that I said that to you in confidence. I hope no one's listening. Yeah, just us. I know. I love that. Yeah. So that always it's a kicker for me when I go back and worthiness and the whole as you before getting too deep on that. So sometimes I go revert back to that, like this feeling of love and

hope and encouragement is that we're you know, have I struggled enough? It's just a that's a vicious little cycle in my head at times, and I try to pray through that, but yeah, that kicks in once in a while. Maybe that's what it is for me at this moment as well. I you know, I should revel and the fact that I'm loved and that I'm being comforted as opposed to did I do enough? And that's another So

that's another thing that sometimes kind of goes in my head. But to be in a moment like now, if I'm so comfortable right now is speaking with you and just sharing my thoughts. But yeah, so sometimes that's a little trigger, if that makes sense as well. So I know this is going to be a roller coaster. I know it's been. It's been a roller coaster for three years. And I just think I'm writing this way now just as like, wow, I don't know, I don't know. Peace.

Yeah, peace for him and for me, for him and for myself. And people don't often accept that, Melissa. People tend to want to flog themselves when they go through this and then they see someone they love pass and they want to keep you know, like I should keep feeling pain. Well, yes, and now there will be a time of mourning, but no

one can define what that time should be for you. And trust me, mourning shows itself in many different ways, and the enemy wants to creep in there and make you feel guilty or ugly about finding joy in loss, and don't let the enemy win. Rejoice, have those feelings. Know that he is in a better place, Know that you did everything you could to comfort him and show him love in this process. And there's nothing wrong about having relief and showing joy and praise not for the loss of your husband, but

the loss of his pain. John, Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show. Good morning. What's on your mind? Oh, I've been trying to get to talk to you for months, and I have a thirty eight year old steps on who is not disabled. She's thirty eight and he has never had a job. And my wife, we've been married five years, and she's partially disabled from a brain surgery. She can't drive and she's very timid, wonderful, wonderful Christian woman, and our stepson is just draining this financially.

She talked to some other counselors, friends, and they all tell me, I'm stepdad. If I try to intervene and say you know what you need to get your big boy pants on and get a job. And he was raised in the church, and like I know, scripture says a man that won't work is worse than an infidel. But she's just so afraid to confront a situation that it just brings us, brings her to tears, and we're both And I come from a very conservative Christian background. I went to military

school. I have a law enforcement background, and I've never ever seen a young man that refuses to work. And it's devastating as financially. She thinks, oh, he doesn't cost us anything, and I say, chess, he does we pay? You pay his insurance, his health insurance. He he's a large man, eats constantly, he's very overweight, and he stays up all night long and plays video games and leaps all day. And I don't want to hurt the relationship with my wife, but I don't know what

to do. I'm just I pray nightly. It keeps me awake at night. Sometimes I get into tears, and I don't want to hurt my wife. But it's horrible. So people have counseled you, how what have they told you to leave him be? I have two really close friends that they have friends that are in the same situation. They married a wonderful woman who had a child that refuses to work. And I've been told that if I intervene and say, you know what, you're getting a job, that the

mom will always side with quote the baby, of course. But at thirty eight year old is not a baby, no, but he's a thirty eight yurope basically like a twelve year old. He watches cartoons on the weekend's anime like after breakfast, and then he sleeps all day and gets up and watches more cartoons and it's like, are you kidding me? It's shocking, and it's killing it break it's breaking. It's both financially, you know what.

John hank tight, I want to talk to you some more. And this is a little deeper than the minutes that we had, so hold on and we're going to get some news. When we come back, we'll chat some more because this is much deeper. So stick around. Before we got some news there and we were talking with John. His situation is he has a thirty eight year old stepson that refuses to get a job, and it's taxing resources and it's been given some new you know, some insights that if you

push then the mother is going to side with the child. And I'm I do know that that is a reality in a lot of cases, John, But it doesn't mean that you need to sit back and do nothing. So are you currently working, John, or are you retired? Well, I'm retired law enforcement, but I take jobs as needed, sure, like security work. Yeah, do high end security work for celebrities. And they call

me when they need me, and some last for months. And right now I'm just kind of taking a break trying to help my wife figure this out. Well, most likely your wife doesn't want to figure it out. She wants she doesn't want any turmoil in the house, and she wants things to live in peace. Is she working, No, she's retired. Okay, Yes, she retired a little early, a couple of years early from her

very serious brain injury. She's fine. She can't drive because she doesn't have any peripheral vision, and we're super close, and sometimes she'll break down. She knows, she'll start crying and say, well, I'm thinking about having hand moved down south with his dad, and I'll start to comment your go, you don't need to tell me things I already know, and I just leave it alone because I don't want to ruin our relationship. She knows that

she's afraid to deal with it, so he doesn't. He doesn't help out with her ailments or situation at all. He doesn't drive her place. She's self sufficient, but every week I have to say, it's Sunday night, take the garbage cans out. It's Monday, bring the garbage cans in. He won't do He won't do anything around the house to help out. Can you please take out the kitchen trash and he'll do that, but then you won't put a new trash bag in or he won't. It's shot. I've

never seen it because I come from a conservative you know, obedient. I was a conservative obedient son. I went to military school to thirty years as a police officer. I loved discipline, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle it. I pray I come to the cross and put my hands on your feet, but I can't look at your face. I wanted to end. I want him. He's a nice young

man, but he's breaking us financially. I've gone through I heard it cost like twelve to six fourteen to sixteen thousand dollars a year to house and feed a man that won't work. And this has been going on for five years. So I've burned through thirty thousand dollars my retirement savings for some guy that won't freaking lift a finger. Yeah that's not okay. So that's not okay.

It's somebody. I mean, there's there's a lot going on here, John, And I'm going to give you some of the best advice that I can. And prayer is important for strength in this case to be able to deal with this. And you know, your wife is scared, is the reality. She's not stupid, she's scared and she knows that he doesn't have the ability for whatever reason. And you know, was the separation from her first haven't husband an ugly one? Yeah? He was very very abusive,

Yeah to her, her and the baby. Yeah. She divorced him when he was seventeen. And I'm I'm a loving father. I have a son of my own that you know, grew up respecting law enforcement, conservative, just a wonderful young man. And this is so off the charts. The other direction, I'm going, how is this even possible for a young man not even to want to work. I mean, well, I've worked since I was fifteen years old. I still loved working. It's not a but

that's that's not his mentality for whatever reason. And it sounds like possibly he has some attributes of his father that have stuck around, and maybe he feels in his own mind that, hey, you know, I was seventeen when when they split apart, and I had my childhood ruined with their arguments or with the process of divorce. It starts way before the paperwork, and he's like, I'm you know, he's basically living as a child right now.

Yes, and he's stunted his growth now. John, of course, as the clock continues to tick, puts us in a situation where I got to take another break, but we're not done. Can you hang on for another segment? Sure? Okay, hang tight because again this I think will help others as well. But there's a lot going on. And when you talk about dealing with adult children, especially a thirty eight year old man as a man, he's knocking on the door of forty and still living at home.

As a movie like Stepbrothers, it can be humorous. In real life, it's not humorous. It's not okay, And the person that's being hurt the most is actually the thirty eight year old who won't grow up and will probably prematurely die by laying around being obese and having no movement, just watching TV and eating. So stick around and we'll talk about it some more. In

just a few moments. We've been talking with John and what a dilemma to be in to have a step child who's thirty eight, living at home and not paying for anything, and to be now five years into this marriage. And you obviously could hear John crumbling from the pain of trying to make the best decision and and so so John, we keep going over because the clock is it never stops. Okay, a couple of things. The hardest part of this is is the the battle you're going to have to do with your

own comfort. Their action is needed, and I think that the best way to do that is to come up with an action plan and get your wife to buy into it and say, you know, we're both signing this document, you and I, and that is we're giving this six months whatever it is. It could be a year, it doesn't matter, but saying this is what we're doing. This is how we're doing it, and this is the plan period. It has to be done. That boy's going to die

in that chair. He's going to die in that bed, and it's going to be our fault for not, you know, for the failure to launch this child into the world. The first thing I would say is, have you guys done any family therapy? No? Guess who's not going to want to do family therapy? I know that. Yeah, So that's going to be one of the first things is to say we need to get into family therapy and to talk about this because it's not okay, and that's that's not

making him work, that's not it's completely reasonable. And to do that is bringing another party into the equation. So that should be on the list. When you put these things on a list, she's gonna either see her part of not making this. Now you've got something tangible that can be done, and and it's he's going to have to partake in something. Second is and this is where it starts becoming a pain to you. And brother, I know what you men and women do out there, and that you deserve your

retirement, you deserve to relax, you deserve all those things. But you can't make his life easy, and that means to find ways to disconnect the TVs when you're not around, or to have timers and things like that. So there's limited television. You have to set budgets saying this is the budget, this is what we have, whatever it is. This is your refrigerator. You can fill it with whatever you want. This is the allowance nothing

more. You have to start setting those limitations because what he Why would would you leave? I mean, in his circumstance, he has everything he wants. Does he have any friends or a girlfriend or anything. No, he's never had a girlfriend, He never he doesn't have any. He has one one I'll say, human friend that nobody comes to the house and says, hey, do you want to go to the beach? You want to go

for a walk? All his friends are virtual online? Gotcha one? It's incredible, incredible, And I don't know if she's gonna I can get her to go. I was involved in a shooting in twenty fifteen and I survived, and I went and talked to a lady that helped me through my shooting incident. And I have I have to take I had to have a heart surgery because I'm fine. I work out all the time. I'm super healthy now. I do have a tremor in my right hand from the shooting incident.

Some days I can write, some days I can't, but I'm doing great. I just want the best for this my stepson. And it's just like he's got an easy street. He doesn't He doesn't pay for anything. Like we'll go out to dinner with friends and she'll you know, he has to go too. He doesn't even even say thank you for the to the people that buys it the dinner. Well, if she's the woman you say she is and the woman you fell in love with and married, there has

to be some some reason in this as well. She's got to be reasonable and if she isn't, and I know often it's hard to be reasonable when it comes to children, you know, to love and to want to be with them and all of that. I get all of the emotions in it, But the reality is he's dying. He's dying slowly in that and that's the reality. It's a tough road because it has to be steps of making his life less easy. Do you have a spare room at all? Yeah, Well, he has his own room. He hardly ever comes out.

He never goes outside like ever unless he's taking the trash out or driving to a fast food restaurant, and then in his room and spends all day in their watching cartoons or playing video games. Your wife can't believe that's healthy for him. I know she knows that. Well, how would your wife feel if you said you got to rent that room out to pay for him to stay? Well, I don't know. Well, that's what I'm saying.

It's like when you start bringing these things up that maybe there is to start show that, hey, something's got to change, and you can pick here's three options. We get somebody to rent a room, or you know these you know, we've got to go to therapy. We're gonna get somebody to rent a room, and and you start showing the difficulty of what's going on. Now. As I said, this is pretty complicated and for the scope

of this show, we only have so much time. But I'm going to ask you a question, John, Is it possible that I get your phone number and give you a call off the air? Yes? Okay, Well the number that comes up when you called is that? Okay number to call you at? I called the radio station number, but I didn't notice another number that showed up. No, I'm saying that your number shows up when you call here. Is that okay to call that number? Yes, that

you're aren't using right now? No, the number, Yes, the number I'm talking that I'm using right now. Okay, Well I'll give you a call that number. We'll talk off the air sometime. Okay, that'll be fine. And thank you so much. And I know you want to talk

to other people. I'm not the only person on this planet. No, but I think thank you for taking I just feel like you needed to vent a little bit and get that out and some of the venomount and the frustration that we didn't really get to some legitimate steps, and so I'm gonna go ahead and do that so that we can we can go ahead and talk another time. At this point, you need to go in peace. Brother. I can hear the frustration. There is a way around this. It is

not hopeless. I assure you, and many other people are going through it as well. KFI on Demand