I'm always always.
Be careful.
Love those U books.
Let well use your head, they will tear you up. Lack a purple talk.
Oh no no, no, yeah, yeah yeah yeah, oh no no no. Hi, I'm Amanda and I'm Rumby.
Welcome to It's lay It.
We're in a long distance friendship that started over twenty years ago when we were in high school.
We'll be talking about all things life, love, family, anything and everything else under the sun.
Delve deeper with us because in life, you know.
My layers.
Oh no, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No no, Hello everybody, and welcome to a brand new episode of It's Layered. We're in season five, y'all, Season five, can you believe? Yeah, it's crazy to imagine. And we're so so excited because today we have a very special guest in the Heeza. We've got doctor what's a nine Montcy Muela. I don't know if I said that right. He's just sorry, sorry, sorry.
To let me just be chopping names now.
Please correct me.
She's, as I mentioned, a doctor. She's currently studying general medicine. She's based out of Austria and Vienna, and she also has an incredible show called Dating Around the world, which is why we brought her on here and I welcome to its laired.
Hey, thank you so much for having me, And don't worry about like saying my name wrong. I say it wrong all the time, so yeah, no, honestly, because you're like here, like the mulla is like pronounced like with the mulla or whatever. Anyway, Okay, okay, thank you so much for having me.
We're so excited. We go way back with what's and I from high school. Actually we're just laughing at how yo, how far back that was? We won't many years ago. And she's just an incredible person. You'll hear a bit more about.
What she's doing.
So yeah, let's get right into it once.
We love to have you on and we love your show obviously, but can you describe the inspiration behind your YouTube series Dating around the World.
Yes, so, thank you so much for loving it and for watching it. I would say generally, whatever you do in your life, you also have to look based on your personality and how you are as a person. And I think I was always interested in relationships and love, and I feel that I had a very liberal mother who sort of like encourage that, you know what, I mean, so she wasn't like a name's scans wow whatever. She was like, you know, she's interested in finding out different cultures,
different ways of dating in different countries. And I think I did the same thing in my life. So I lived in different countries, and in every country I was in, I did date a person from that country or maybe someone from another country in that country. And it was very fascinating to find out how much I learned about a different culture just through love, through relationships, the love language. It was just for me something that is maybe more fascinating than it should be, you know, but it was
definitely something that was interesting. And then I think when I moved to Austria, and I moved to Austria because I met my husband at an airport, so it's very much sort of like it's.
On brand exactly.
I moved Touse, I met my husband at the airport. You know, it was a really fun romance story. And then it was kind of like a shock when I moved here. And I think, maybe perhaps we'll get into that a bit later, but I was shocked at how little people knew in general about Africa or even just about I suppose other countries that were not European countries. So let's say, for example, one day, I was sitting
with some women. There were actually black women, but they're growing up in the UK and they've grown up here in Vienna as well, and we were talking about you know, TLC, you know, the ninety day Fiance TLC, and they were like, oh my god, you know ANGELI and I don't know if a Nigerian boyfriend, I don't know what his name is.
You know, it was basically like they were talking about how ratchet that whole situation was, and you know, ninety day Fiance basically portrays people in the most heeoytypical way possible, especially people from developing countries. And I remember that suddenly, I don't know when they realized, I suppose that I'm African.
The conversation just got a little bit weird because they looked at me and I was agreeing that, oh my god, that's so crazy, and then I think for a second they were like, oh my god, she's African as well, and it was just sort of like an awkwardness. It was like an awkwardness that just came and then it just immediately left. But then it made me realize that they also had like seroitized probably about me, probably about
my own relationship with my husband and so. And then I thought, probably they think like that because they're also living in their own like sort of like propaganda and everything that's going on here. You know, propaganda's like rife and it's like really really like a life here in Western Europe as well. And so I was like, let
me show them. I'm going to show them that, you know, the different cultures that we come from, especially within the you know, African society, are so much deeper than whatever's portrayed out there. And yeah, that's where the inspiration came. Just I love traveling. It's fun and also at the same time, I just wanted to, you know, just bother the stereotypes.
That's great because I think you've already touched on my next question, which is how you even came to think of incorporating your love for travel and I guess for dating and understanding the world of dating. How did you conceptually decide were you like, Okay, next time I go on holiday, I'm just going to do a little bit of investigation. Because your show is more than just chatting to people on the streets. You also talk to different
professionals where the psychologists or you know what I mean. So, how did how do you think of like, Okay, I want to debunk these myths.
How do I do it?
How did you come to?
Yeah? Well, first of all, I feel like dating and traveling are like two of some of the greatest pleasures in life in general. So I feel like when you combine that, it's just so much fun. And I'm when I'm whenever I'm on a holiday, I want to talk to people because when you and I know you both know this, if you've lived somewhere, or even if you have and I don't know, if you're cure is then you sort of like understand the culture from different cultures
from a different perspective. And so when you travel somewhere, you're only somewhere for like five days or three days, it almost feels so superficial. Your impressions almost feel so superficial on the surface that I was craving just getting to know more about those cultures. So it's like, Okay, you know what, I need to go out there and ask questions because I'm just I like to be, you know, just curious like me. People in the buildiness anyway, but
not like that. But but I wanted to just yeah, not to pry, but I wanted to find out more but from the people themselves, you know. And so and I also thought, like, my opinion is just my opinion, and whatever people say on the street is just what
they say on the street. But let's talk to maybe different people who like professionals, who actually get to talk to these people who understand the different layers they are in the society in which they're in, so that we can actually get like a full picture of what it's like. That's why. That's that's really cool.
Yeah, that's so. It's such a lid thing. And I think that's the thing people just think dating ah Romy and Juliet or like two people just meet and fall in love, And yes, of course that can happen, but there's so many things that come into it, like culture, politics, economic psychology. As you say on your show, how do you personally think all those things? How much of those things affect dating, especially in different countries?
Oh my gosh, I feel like we're Zimbabwean, so we already understand that. Anyway. I feel like we don't even have to get into it so much, like it's just being Zimbabwean, knowing the political situation which you come from, knowing the economic situation which we come from, and then putting all the economic pressure as well. I mean, when I was in Zimbabwe and I was talking to people, what they were just saying is I can't get married because I can't afford it, or I can't find someone
who wants to marry me because there's lobala. Is they have possibility? Is it possible? Maybe they just convince the parents to not need lobola so I can just get married married, Yes, exactly. So when you look at that, you look at how politics affects economy, which then affects dating. You don't even have to get into politics to understand that the situation in the country is not okay. You just have to ask people how your love life and
you'll find it out. Even in Portugal, they'll be like, oh, well, you know, it's difficult because that kind of bored life, you know, And then you find out, okay, fine, the economy is not so good. Then you look at the politics, and so you can touch on so many different topics without necessarily getting so deep into the politics. So someemople don't want to do that. So many people don't want to talk about economics. It's boring for them. But maybe
you can pay attention to it. If you look at it in this way, maybe you can understand it a bit better. This is what I was thinking. And you know, even if you look at Japan, and if you look at China, and China they had the one child policy. And I remember I had friends who this one child policy cause people to be so strict and so obsessive
with the children that they had. So basically, if he had a daughter, you'd be like, you know what, my daughter's not gonna get married to anybody who doesn't have
enough money for a house or for an apartment. And so I had friends who would fall in love with men, but the minute he couldn't afford to buy an apartment or a house, they'd be like, yeah, I love him, but like he doesn't have a car, and he kind of and I'm like, okay, this is really deep because it's just like that, just like that, you just it's okay, you don't really need to have anything to do with him,
just because he can't afford it. And that was because also of the politics that this one child's policy, and so it really it's all interconnected at the end of the day. And even if you gut Sweden, it's a liberal society, very very very liberal society. And then so they have this like hyper feminism going on. And I'm a feminist all the way, but Sweden has like is like a high for a femininist society. So it's like, don't open the door for me, what are you trying
to do? Get angry? Yeah, Like are you saying I couldn't have opened it for myself? Yeah?
And also where marriage, marriage is not a big deal anymore, Like it's not even a it's not a consideration. I think even here in the Czech Republic it's not a big getting married don't mean nothing really at the end of the day.
Yeah, and it even bleeds into it, I mean, coming from a parent point of view, parental leave and stuff. You find the more liberal like on Sweden will have like more parental leave because they believe maternal or paternal you should both influence rasas like zoom, they will be like maternity what like.
You know, like yeah, exactly imagine op paternity.
Oh my god, you're leaving your job, you come back the job if you'll be replaced my guy exactly.
Yeah, or just like what you do in the household, right, like how you operate in the household, what you know people have And also in Japan, they're just not having sex because of the fact that they don't have time. Oh, they don't have time to have sex, and so this is why the population has gone down. So people are coming home at ten pm, they don't have time to have sex. The relationship fractures. Then they open all these different.
Yeah your boyfriend, yeah, yeah, yeah, or even specific I mean it's very very interesting the things that they opened there.
Even their different specific little fetish cafes. You know, it's it's very fascinating, Yeah, very fascinating.
It's a great segue. Is there anything that has, what would you say, surprised you the most through the series and filming and talking to people around the world, because you've been to You've been to Tanzania, you've been to Japan, as you've said, you've been to Portugal, you've been to Sweden, you've been to Malta, you've been to Paris. I don't know which other countries I'm missing out, but like you've been to a fair number of Ghana Ghana as well.
What surprise the most during the series or over the course of your time.
I think I was surprised in general personally by myself and how I especially when I went to other African countries, how it was such a decolonial process for me. Wow. So I feel that was probably the biggest shock, because I didn't know that I was looking at African cultures through the European lens as well. I thought I was above that, but actually I still was. So I feel like that was very shocking for me. And then it
was a whole process actually on its own. So then it was like feelings of like shock and then sort of like almost anger that I didn't know all this stuff about these places, and then all because I was like, my God, like these cultures like this, the African cultures, and I don't want to be like over the topic. It's beautiful African cultures, but literally actually are so fascinating and so amazing, and I'm just shocked how much we
don't know. And so I think I was surprised about how it is an act of revolution generally, if.
You are.
A black person and you're going to tell your own story or you're actually going to fish stories out from the people in those countries in maybe perhaps a more authentic way. That that is already an act of revolution, because whatever is going on is usually like stereotypes and propaganda, and it is really at the moment right now, like it's a revolution, and I love it because everybody's doing
it an act revolution to tell your story. I was surprised by how much that impacted me and how everybody was just sort of open to it as well.
Isn't it funny we'll know so much about Western culture and not know much about our next door neighbors.
It's embarrassing, like.
It's actually quite bad, Like you know, I think so being in Australia, there's obviously a lot of big Asian community here and sometimes like Westerners would just brush them with the same Asians, you know, but within the Asian community they all know each other, like the Filipinos like this, ah Thai people like this. But like to another level that Africans we don't have, like we're very we're almost very colonial mind very segregated still and it's like I
won't even know what's happening in Malawi. But when you look on the map, Malawi is not that far from zoom, you know what I mean. But it's like people people will be like, what's what happens in Malawi? And then some people will get offended. First of all, I'm not from Alawi, like you know, and it's like, okay, apart from that, do you even know? But you know everything about Sweden and Finland?
Yeah, you look at that map, but.
You're like I was like, had this conversation with the colleague of mine American and they were like, oh, how come you know so much? You know, you think after you colonize you'd learn more about African African cultures in Babwan culture, like you wouldn't watch so much Western media. And then I said, but you need to understand that imperialism, neo colonialism, all these things, the traits of what colonizations stood for were never erased. Like it's still heavily ingrained,
and you own media for the large majority. And in terms of you think of quality, you were sold as the quality. Do you understand? So there's so much even though we say we are free, the systems were put in place so that it's not easy to just be like, Okay, I'm flipping to know everything about you know, my home or everything around my home. You know, it's not that simple. But I guess the challenge is to do better like what wass he is doing, or.
To challenge it.
Yeah. Yeahs wrong with some of don't.
Thank you as well? All Yeah, I feel like I think at least it's great that like I think everybody's sort of just trying to tell their own stories, and I think it's so important and to know that, Okay, fine, you know, they're like, you know, intensanity speak. You have one hundred and twenty six languages. There are hundreds and when they six languages, and they're so diverse, and they're so like they're just living in like harmony and they're fine.
And so I felt like that was something to be admired. And yet, you know, whenever I see Tanzan, I just see the animals. I see people going there, but I don't people are not interested in the people. It's almost like it's a taboo topic, especially here in Europe, like oh okay, oh, okay, all let's talk. Oh Africa. Oh it's always like Africa.
Oh yes, oh, And so I always feel I don't feel sorry for me.
You know where I come from. I'm like, yeah, or.
I love that animals and I'm like, okay, apart from the animals.
Ruh.
Obviously, obviously you've traveled lots and you've now interviewed people from different walks of life. Wait, any common themes or ideas around dating that you've noticed.
Yeah, I guess like there are some common themes. I think sex was like a very huge topic, but it's not something I touched on so much because it's always like when you interview people and then they talk about sex, they don't want to be shown on camera, but things like that. So I think there were common themes, like with economic stress and pressures and how they affect you know, people's family life. And also people talk about how finances
are a huge reason and people get divorced. But then when you talk about finances, we have to dig deeper into what kind of situation that can create in the home, and in a lot of situations, maybe perhaps heres for women, they don't want to have sex with their husbands because they feel like, oh my god, you know you this is stressful. I don't know, But then for men, director dysfunction was actually like a huge topic that was already
you know, but it's always like how they're communicated. It was, Yeah, then I don't feel like I want to have sex because I'm stressed out because of this financial situation. But actually how that presents itself as a rectil dysfunction, and that was more common than I thought it did actually be. So I would say, like the stresses of financial finances were always everywhere, no matter where you work, those were common things. And then sex obviously being like a common thing.
And then yeah, I would say that was like the most common.
So many ads in Zimpo like let me fix your you know, those random like paper in the entire when you see them, they just stick it everywhere and have a place everywhere, clearly, Yeah, but they don't really deal with it in a medical or healthy way.
But yeah, it makes sense. Yeah, and if you would also touch about about women as well, it's always like about men and they have a rectil dysfunction. But what that does, but the whole cycle is that is the whole thing, right, So.
Oh wow, which country do you think or so far have you related to the most when it comes to dating as a black Zimbabwean woman and the least or the least or both.
Yeah, So I would say like I related to Tanzania the most because I think it's the most similar to Zimbabwe because they well, it's the most simar to Zimbabwe how Zimbabwe used to be. I feel like Zimbabwe used to be a little bit more of a place of you know that umun too. You know, we're together, we want to be peaceful. And then like because of the economic situation, everybody just like is to their own, you know,
one of my friend. So I'm God for us all and so I feel like Tanzania really I related to it in a way in was a nostalgia way. It was very nice to see how everybody was just sort of like okay, you could you can walk on the street. You didn't think anybody who's going to do anything to you. Never get that feeling, right, And I feel like I related to the most how and I also was like a little bit like, oh my god, we used to
be like this and the least. I don't think I related to any country like the least in any kind of way, because I feel like when you're Zimbabwean, I am Zimbabwe one hundred percent. But because I've lived in so many different places. I feel like I kind of get what everybody's saying. I understand it. I understand also like the Swedish, I get it because I also one a partner. I al wasn't want to exercise my feminism to the extent that I want, you know, I understand.
So there's no the least not yet anyway, I probably will go somewhere else, but I'm going to say to me, I'm like the plane. Yeah, i'd be like this one, this one I tried. But I think when I was in Tanzania, there are two different parts. Right of the Zanzibar, I would say I related the least to the idea that like, I mean the I understand like how religion plays a role in relationships, I get it, But for me personally as a person, it didn't. I did not
really relate to its completely controlling my whole relationship. You get my point. So that was maybe the least good idea.
Yeah, religion is a big one and lots of different cultures when it comes to love as well. Do you see a difference in how black women are perceived when you're when they're dating from country to country or when you go do you just like blanket look at women or do you specifically look to see how black women could be perceived.
I do both, so like I actively try my best to do both, but also be conscious of the fact that I don't also want to box other Black women in a specific group, even though they might just belong to everybody's just trying to fight not to belong in some sort of stereotype and some sort of trauma and et cetera. This is what I always find. So I do both things. So I try my best to find black women who I can ask questions too and find out how they feel and if they feel that they're
treated in any kind of way in the societies. And sometimes you find people will tell you yes, I am treated differently, and then sometimes you think people say no, I'm treated completely the same. So it all depends on how far that person is in understanding the trauma that they went through, that they're going through, how far they want to accept it. It's so layered that conversation for black women, it's not just a simple question for them.
Sometimes it's because sometimes even if you think you're finding familiarity in talking about it, you say, like, oh, so, how is it dating as a black woman here. I want to understand some people can be very defensive, like it's fine and I don't even think about it, no difference, and don't you know like almost like don't put me in the group of like your trauma or the trauma
that everybody else is going through or that stress. Right, And then you'll find some that are maybe okay with it and working with it and that's how and they process it out loud and they'll tell you how it is. So I would say there is a difference one hundred percent. They can't not be a difference, right either you're boxed into your stereotype as a black woman, and there's a
difference between black African women and Black American woman. Stand it British, Yeah, Black British is like a completely and even within African women, it's like a spectrum, right, it's like difference, But I feel like there's a difference. So if you're African American, even if you're just a black woman,
you're boxed in. Sometimes if you're in the dask War, in this box of African American women that you should speak sort of like in their own venecular and you're like, oh, what are you doing like you're gonna be dramatic, like you're going to be the person who's in the center of everything and the men expecting you to shake your booty. You're going to be so good at it, you know, things like that, and that you're going to be just the one to help them, you're going to be so strong,
or you're boxed into the negative stereotype. You're not attractive enough, you're too dark, especially if you're in Asia, you're just too dark, You're just not good looking enough, You're or you're even in India the lower caste as well. Oh, I think there's definitely a difference of that, but I try my best to not to not try to focus on that when I talk to the black women because I know that they don't want that as well. They try to run away from it.
But it's a reality. And I think what's interesting is you talk about when people see I've had it here where people when they hear me speak, they assume that I'm from America or the UK or something like that. People struggle to conceive in their mind that I can hold a conversation and not be from those western parts of the world. So there's also that, and then if you're African, it's like there's a whole perception of that
and you should be so grateful. Oh, you must be so grateful to be here, or and you spoke a little bit about your own experience when dating, like with your husband, it's like people's perceptions of you being an African woman with a non African man, and it's so layered. As you've said, there's so many different levels to it. And I can completely personally because I live in a
predominantly white country and environment. So I have a question for you because it would be remiss for us to have you on here and not kind of delve into you know, where you think or what you've seen as being a country that you feel our black sisters, And I know we keep hopping on about our black sisters, but I feel like if you look at the pyramid of dating, black women are typically at the bottom, and you know, so we got to look out for each other.
So ladies, I'm looking out for you. Where do you think they would feel most appreciated and scene without the fetishes, no fetishes fetishes aside with yeah, without the fetish, or maybe they can wade through the fetishes.
And like like both.
With that with whichever, like where should where should sisters be going?
Because we all are looking for love? Do you want to be loved?
Do you want to be loved? Well?
I think definitely without fetishes. Then you're just you know Africa, right, any I think African countries you're gonna be appreciated there. No one's going to fetishize you. It was going to
be like because Barbims I knew it. No, I mean maybe, but I feel like you're gonna in a general there anyway you know, you're gonna you're gonna feel like someone is maybe you're talking maybe on a specific level with somebody, right, and you don't have to completely try to break it down for them that you're a person, you have these different layers, and you don't have to remove all the stereotypes from their eyes, you know. So I think it'd be something easy. It could be easier, I don't know.
And then I think in Europe, I would like to say Sweden. The reason I'd like to say Sweden because I get the feeling that in Sweden they have their own way of thinking, the sense that they think that they are above are the general things happening around the world. They think they are above this, theods happening. They think they are above racism, and they think they are above key do they think what they think exactly? What they think that they to Sweden good looking. Those guys are good looking.
People.
Some vikings they're good looking and uh and they just like and it's like shocking, It's actually very shocking how many good looking people in Sweden. I was like, what is this water? I need this?
So you you you your perception is like the they quite to use this word woke. So because of that, they like really try to like not be the person to be.
Exactly exactly themselves is looking out for you exactly. And also maybe I would also go for like a country like probably Germany, even though people are like Germany, why would you say that, oh my god, you know, post Nazi country, which is true, it's all true.
But the pain.
For the rest of their lives exactly. And Germany is literally right now being the only country that I think has actually kind of said, oh sorry for the hero massacres. This is and most duringeople that I've met personally are willing to sort of educate themselves already educated about what's going on. So I think you could have a conversation, you could be on a you could be on a level, but fetishi is to some extent. Yeah, you're like.
Oh, yeah the time, remember the first thing my husband said, because you know when you go out to thinking, okay, whatever, we've done this, like I'm just going to go for a few drinks, and then he's like, no, I literally saw you across the room and you're the most beautiful girl there, so I thought, let me try and ask you for a drink, but thinking at the time, you've
got lyrics. But I think it's also because as black women, there's a totem pole and I just thought there were other white women there there, why would you like it was so far removed from my mind for him to think he looks around and he still thought a black girl was that. So it shows me that he just looks at people, doesn't look at like whereas you know, sometimes maybe you are the prettiest black girl there, but then the black are too hard or too you know, they won't go there.
Yeah.
So yeah, Germans, Wow.
Africa, Germany.
Yeah, I know why I'm asking, I think because well, I'm finding through conversation with other black women. I think there's also a layer of exhaustion sometimes with how we are perceived, even within our environments. Because as much as you will be accepted because you don't have to have a conversation about what's aurora or you know what I mean, but there's another layer which you spoke about, which is you're wanting to live out your feminist desires or living
in your true feminine energy or being accepted. Do you understand, So there's that other dynamic that isn't always accepted when you are back home, you know what I mean. So it's like this weird dance you're doing. You want to just be seen as you, but you also want to be able. It's very complex.
You're not able to live?
Yeah, exactly, It's extremely complex. And I would like to also challenge this, this hierarchy or this total pole. We're black women at the bottom, you know, because I genuinely feel that a lot of the statistics that are done are done predominantly. Also sometimes looking at the African American situation and in America, as a black woman, you are probably at the bottom because there's this historical thing that's
going on. But I think and maybe perhaps it's a colonial thing, who knows, But I really one hundred percent think that we are far from the bottom.
I mean, this is what the bottom well, so I mean we're not We're not.
And so if you like when you know, when your husband saw you and you was like I saw you, I was like, you're so gorgeous, of course, what I mean you you have beautiful skin, You're glowing, and it's like, you know, if people have their own perceived things based so I think as we have to separate that sometimes.
And I think not separating the African diaspora not to do that, but I think different African diasporas have got different stories that pertain to racism, and it's benefits to sulf differently everywhere that we are, if you know what I mean. And but I think, of course in the African American whatever experience perspective, it's definitely like black women are at the bottom of the barrel. But I think if you were to maybe look yai yaib it's international tool like you could be because of Indian.
Well, you know, I know a lot of I do know a lot of African American women love going to uh like Ghana now at the moment, and because they do feel seen and are preciated, so it's not Yeah, I think sometimes as black people, our story is told through an African American lens because again, as Roomby said earlier, you know, there's certain countries America does control a lot of the media.
So when it comes to black people, even we hear a lot of the African American experience, like we all love hip hop, right because it's like, oh yeah, it's like, no, maybe I don't. Maybe I like my local music. I'm fine with my soungura. I don't need hip hop. But you know, it's like people just think, oh, because you're black, you like Tupac, you know. So it's just one of those things.
It's true.
And I just asked, sorry, Iman, I mentioned Ghana, what is that like in Ghana? Because I know a lot of women be like and men be hat as a mother and like this I saw in the in your in your episode.
The I'm just saying, fine, they are so freaking fine. That is true. And I feel like people from Ghana in general, like especially with the men, I feel like there's like a there's like a confidence, but it's not like a like a huge, like exuberated confidence that should get probably from like a Nigerian man per se. It's sort of like a toned down confidence that is there, and I think that's very attractive for all the quiet the quiet confidence. Yeah, so I feel like Ghana is amazing.
And also Ghana had like some sort of like a matriarchal society, at least in other tribes. So I think that was very fascinating to tap into. And so how they look at women in some parts of ghan is completely different. And I think that's always the narrative you get. You always get, oh, you know, you always still have the feeling that feminism started in Europe, that feminism is somehow a byproduct of European development and industrialization and you know,
you know, fighting for human rights and et cetera. And it's actually been in Africa and African society is for so long. Actually we got it ages ago, and I think it's very nice to show that. Yeah, yeah, it was very passive. It was great. I loved it as.
The beginning to wind down for episode. How do you feel the feedback has been from the viewers of your series?
So, I think it's the thing like when I said, like, when you're telling this like an African story, sometimes people feel really seen by that. So I think from the Africans, the feedback has always been like, oh, thank you for actually like during an episode about my country in a different way, because you can see that there are people living here, right, People are living there in that country.
Not everybody is on the streets starving, people are having a life, people are doing their thing, They're going around about their life. So I think that there's a genuine appreciation for just showing like the normalcy of it all and how fascinating it is. So I think that's been positive. From the European side, it's also been I felt like in the beginning it was like I almost got the feeling.
It was like, okay, you're telling the story. Troe for Sweden, the swediship are just generally nice, friendly, like okay, great, you're telling it. And then there's also sometimes if you're telling a story like Portugal, where you're showing like the tougher side of Portugal and then you're an African person telling the story, it's almost sometimes how dare you? Yeah?
You you you to tell you so. But in general I've also gotten like thousands of messages asking me how I can help someone meet someone, which is just like, Okay, that's interesting.
So a match maker, Yeah, exactly exactly.
My question then, is any dating advice you can give that you've gone it from the series that you can share with our listeners, like what what would you what would you share.
To those the thousand d ms?
Yes, yeah, those thous thousands, they are well. Generally, I'll say generally in the context of dating around the world and the at different cultures, I would say that there are lots of positive and negative things about one's culture when it comes to dating. Even when I look at the Shana culture and sometimes I look at Lomola, when I look at what's going on in Japan with their
issues or I look at it. I just think it's important to criticize, of course your dating culture, but I think it's also so important to also appreciate it as well.
So this is sometimes like the adviself get because people always I get the feeling whenever I'm talking to different people, even if it's Japan, and you know, in Japan they don't say I love you to each other, you know, they just it's an odd thing to say that, and they feel that it's something that should be stopped because in the Western culture they say I love you a lot, and so it must mean something, whereas the acts of service, acts of showing love are more important. So I think
it's okay that the Japanese are like that. It's okay that that is who they are, because they still show they love in different ways. So I would just like to say people can should be okay with their cultures as well. They can try to evolve them, and they should evolve. But it's okay to appreciate your culture, keep it. You don't have to westernize it more or et cetera.
And as an individual, especially coming from the from being just a woman, I would say it's important for you to date in a way that is representative of your personality, a way that suits you. So you find some people okay with being like like, I'm going to be with one person and I'm going to see how this relationship goes, and let's see what happens, and then after two years things don't work, that move on to the next one.
I was never really like that kind of person, maybe because my mother was always like, don't put all your eggs in one basket until the basket until you should this basket is okay, and you're okay, and you better be checking out the other freaking eggs and so. But then I also thought that she knew me as well, so she knew my personality as was then I I felt like I needed to see what was out there. I needed to compare because for me, that's the only way I could then choose and say this is what
I want. So I think straight true to yourself when your date, you know what I mean, And.
That's really great to hear, because I don't think we're ever told that way. Like if I think of the dating advice I received, it was it's just like one person, like you know what I mean, Like it doesn't mean anything when you just you're just getting to know people. It's like you don't say I'm gonna have one friend and we're going to do things all together. Like you meet different people and then you see, Okay, who can be the best friend, who can be the home you
know what I mean? Like, Yeah, it's okay, you're just getting to know someone. It's not the end of the world.
Yeah, exactly. And women should definitely, I think one hundred and ten percent approach men because you can imagine if you only have three men or four men approaching and you're like, ah, I don't even know who I really want, and then you choose the monkst the ones you don't even really want because they're the ones who came to you. You're limiting yourself, you know. So I feel like if you like someone and you think this person could be for me, I feel like you should one hundred and
ten percent do it. So I think women should approach men should take more initiative to do it, and men when they approach, especially I mean European and are fine with it. I think they like it, but afink like a bit forward. This one forward exactly, it's forward, but I think they should embrace it. So yeah, thank you, Yeah why not?
Yeah, any episodes or future projects we should look out for.
I'm definitely going to go to Greenland. Oh and maybe Greenland is. I think like there are like fifty thousand people in Greenland even less, and it's a very interesting dating scenario going on in Greenland. People you can imagine or someone.
Something instuous, recycle every day, everybody.
Everybody dating, everybody, even in. I think they're nice on everybody. They even had something right to try to take. Okay, am, I relates to you though, you can double check that. So I think it's interesting to check that out. And I think I want to focus a lot on African countries. I think I'm going to dig deep and just dive into it because I think it's necessary to do that.
I think it's necessary to find out what's going on, you know, what's going on with you know, odd, what's going on in odd like nobody even knows, you know.
So for sure forward to if you ever do Zimbabwe, because maybe some of us have, you know.
I did Zimbabwe? You did?
I did? I?
No? No, no, no, I did just like a part of Zimbabwe. And then I'm like, oh no, I need to wait until things stableize to reach this.
The full money because I'm like, yo, yeah, yeah, because I'd be hearing stories.
Yeah yeah. But the pandemic, yeah, there's some Jolo pandemic. The economy pandemic is basically people are just sleeping with everybody because people just don't want to commit.
You know, comm commitment requires finances, so exactly don't have finances, then you can't commit, like how do you.
Yeah, and the blessers.
The blessers are just insane, and I think going back to them, maybe it would be nice to to really dig deep and look at because I found it very fascinating when I had to explain it to somebody else, the cultures and Baku and am Guru and Natano, all these different things, and I feel like even though people like to simplify African culture, I realized, like we're actually really complicated.
Like, yeah, it's not simple.
Yeah, it's so layered. And it was such a system. It was such a sting that kept people together, kept people kind of like in check. And I think it's fascinating to break that down as well. So that's the project. Let's see how that goes. Well, thank you.
This is so good and like it's so great to see you kind of living out, you know, marrying two of your passions together and like educating us as we go, which is just wonderful. Before you we go, could you share your socials about dating around the world and where everyone can see it please let us know.
Okay, all right, Well you can find me on Dating around the World WIM on Instagram Dating around the World WM, and you can also go on my YouTube channel, Dating around the World. You can find me there and yeah, and I'll be putting up a website soon and hopefully helping people meet each other somehow.
To be a match, make a match maker, make me a match.
Sail around the world.
Yeah exactly, exactly. Thank you so much for being a part of this, and to our you as always, thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much, and we'll see you on our very next episode.
Bye bye, guys.
Bye oh no no
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,