I'm always always.
Be careful.
Love those umboo.
Let We'll use your head. They will tear you lack a purple talk.
Oh no, no no, yeah, yeah yeah yeah, oh no no no. Hi, I'm Amanda and I'm Rumby.
Welcome to its lay it.
We're in a long distance friendship that started over twenty years ago when we were in high school.
We'll be talking about all things life, love, family, anything and everything else under the sun.
Delve deeper with us because in life, you know.
My layers. Oh no, no, no, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah.
Oh no, no, no, welcome everybody. Welcome to season what Amanda?
Or season start? Oh my lord, I know, Like where have the seasons come and gone?
Yeah, we're halfway to ten. Yeah that's crazy. I don't know if we'll make it to ten guys, But to be fair, like this is insane that we're in.
Five of as a milestone. Five is a milestone?
Did you did you think we would get to like season five?
Like when we start a girl, I was still surprised in season one, so I'm still stuck there, like where did we get to five seasons and a special?
Like it's just insane.
Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. So I mean, we've been gone a while. It's not like it's been a minute. What's been happening in your life the way I would like to make it seem like things happened, But now thinks I've just been life taking a day at a time. They say a day at a time positivity.
I mean, obviously I'm back at work now I'm trying to leave is a distant memory. So that's pro of the biggest change I've been trying to go from staying home mom to work full time work mom.
Yeah, how was that adjustment? Right?
Like, can we take a moment of silence for all our queens out there who are balancing this thing? Like someone asked me the other day, they were like, you love Jerome, He's amazing, But do you regret, like I said, you know, like yeah, I think and yeah, in some of those moments, I'm like, you really should think this trip.
Before you before. And that's why I think our parents get pissed when we piss them off, because they're like, yeah, this child all the second time, I don't sacrifice everything that don't done for you, and you want to piss me.
Off, Like I mean, I feel like that with a one year old.
So now I can imagine if you're thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, giving me.
Attitude, giving me attitude, being like I don't want to.
I absolutely love being a mom, but there's sometimes when I'm like, this is truly the ghetto.
The ghetto, which reminds me. You were actually on Pumi's podcast, My Love Good podcast, So if you haven't checked that out, I love check out Amanda chatting to Money about motherhood and everything that happens, and also check out Boomy's podcast. If your mom having a mom going through motherhood. You are not alone, so not alone.
Note what have you been up to?
Oh girl, I've been lifing like life has been living. As you see I cut my horror that.
I guess you look gorgeous.
Guys, yeah, not everyone has their head for a short look. You look amazing, your check, your cheek.
I mean if I honestly, I didn't know. When I was in the chair, I was just like I wanted off, and then when I was sitting in the chair getting it cut, I was like, you know, I never thought about what if it doesn't work out?
You know, Yeah, I don't want to make this a therapy moment, but what brought you to that decision.
You know what I mean? I want to act like you can act like blass, but we're not hair and it's about hair.
Yeah, episode a couple of seasons ago. But hair is such a culture as women and our gender. So what made you cut your hair?
I think?
I you know, I've been blessed to have good hair and knock on wood all my life and people were like, oh, yeah, so beautiful. You have such beautiful hair. And anytime I wanted to change my hair, it was often like, don't do that. So when I was younger, I was like, okay, I wanted to put color in my hair. And then my mom rightfully so because you don't know how much damage you'll do, she was like, oh, I don't think
that's a good idea. We went to a boarding school where there were restrictions on our head, and then of course I joined the natural hair movement as I got older, and I was like, your hair.
Is so beautiful.
You have such a big afro, like you can don't cut it. Don't cut it, and so I didn't, and then I changed it to locks before I moved here for maintenance ease of my feet. But I got tired, Like I got tired of the logs, and they were great, they served their time and their purpose. But I just was like, what if I just cut my hair without asking anyone's permission, without doing it for anyone else, but just doing it for me as I want to.
Yeah, that was a big Remember you were saying that it was a style I remember obviously when you spoke about this apart from the podcast, you were saying it was a style you've never had done as well, like having your hair this short, having your hair running shower, stepping in the shower. I'm feeling it on your scalp. You know, it's absolutely because I's liberating.
It's very liberating. When I started my locks, I thought I would like start short hair, but the timeframe wasn't long enough for me to do that. Yeah, so I just was like start afresh and then like I can decide what I want to do. So, yeah, I've cut it short. Now I'll see like if I'll keep it short or if I'll start growing it out. But definitely
the best decision, especially in the summer. You just dive in the water like it's been great on holiday, just don't even think of twice and you wash your hair. You could just step in the shower full head, not you know, the dodging as black women, or the shower cap.
Or the shower even.
Dodging.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, So you know those rainwater shower hair you like, they look nice yesthetically, but yeah, I'll be breaking my neck.
Break your neck. Come on, break your neck, come on.
Try to what's been the feedback from the male gaze, like in terms of having short hair.
So quite interesting. My barber, one of his colleagues, was like, I think he didn't. He retouched my locks a while ago prior and then he was like, oh, I see you cut your hair, and he was like, you know, the locks are nice, but this really suits you. It really does. Same with my husband. Initially he was like, don't cut your hair, baby, don't cut and then now he loves and he's like, I love it. You can
keep it like this. Then. Of course some people have the idea of oh, dark black girl cuts her hair. Of course white men like that, and so on and so forth. But it's been interesting some people. Someone was like, you look like a singer or some musician or some you know, I guess it's a very distinct look. So I think people are kind of like, you have to be someone quote unquote special or to be able.
To pull it off, to carry the look. Yeah, you have to carry the look.
But I explained to people, especially hear my white counterparts, that back home, it's normal to see women with short hair, long hair hair with like we don't think because here they don't people who cut their hair really short. It's like a statement or rebellion or you know, kind of out of necessity, sometimes through things like cancer. But for us, it's like a choice. So I think that's been interesting
to to educate them on. I've been challenged also, like conversations with some actually some friends of mine who are like, how do you feel about your femininity? So they're part of the LGBTQ community, and spoke about their own perception of having shorter hair, and like how that they they perceived perceive you've done kind of like, okay, doesn't make me seem more masculine or feminine, I feel like, and they felt that they needed to have long hair to be more sort of like in their truth. And I
was like, you know what, it's quite true. Like sometimes people are like, oh, you know, why don't you wear earrings. I've been told many times you should wear ear rings, or like some days I don't want to put on makeup and makeup, Oh then do I look like a boy? You know?
Yeah, that's always been the language, right, Like if you have short hair, then you have to do everything else.
You have to have nice eyebrows, nice makeup because people really then look at your your face.
Yeah. Yeah, So it's been it's been a lot of like me being like it's okay, or just being like, what would I do on an average And on an average day, I probably would do my eyebrows an eyeliner and then I can do that or maybe a lip and I can do that still, but seeing myself in the mirror and seeing my face, I feel like I've seen myself truly in a weird way for the first time, like really having like it you and your face, only you're not hiding behind anything. So it's been yeah, yeah, Well,
we're so glad to be back for this season. And we thought we'd actually just touched on Actually we spoke a little bit about friendship, but talk about a topic that was proposed to us by a listener, And what's that Amanda tell us a.
Little more platonic friendships.
Okay, And what's the diffinition of platonic because it sounds like a big word. It's like, it sounds like.
Sounds like you know, well, I guess it's and I guess it's going to be told through a heterosexual female lens, because it's like that friendship that you would have with the opposite sex, and this isn't our case would be male. Yeah, that's got nothing to do with any flirty business, any I want you business. Literally, it's two friends. It so happens to be we're opposite genders. Yes, that's the definition of platonic to me.
Yeah, yeah, what about you? I agree. I think if anyone has watched on Netflix Survival of the Thickest, we see Mavis and her friend she has a platonic friendship. And even I listened to an interview subsequently of them talking about the show and how she was told by people, Oh, they're going to sleep together, and she's like, it's a platonic friendship, Like.
Why do they have to Yeah, that does he have to be gay?
Because that's the whole thing with a gay best friend came from that exactly.
So yeah, I think it's really having a mutual respect for each other and understanding that you're in each other's lives to hold each other up, I guess, and support each other in a way that is just a friendship with no sort of no strings, no strings essentially, you're not trying to hop into each other's pants. To put it bluntly, Do.
You have more girlfriends than guy friends?
I think so. I think I definitely have like a squad of girlfriends that serve different purposes, and I think that's the whole point of friendship. You have friends who do different things. So I think that's why people have platonic friendship, because a male perspective, you know, can give you a different you know what I mean, give you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you think it was like in why like do you think why more girls and boys that just so happened to work?
Because I went to boarding school and you know, we used to live like ladies all the time. I think I've just always had an easier relationship with women compared to men. And we've spoken about, you know, our history and background and all that. So I think it's just I feel I felt safe in relationship with women. I don't know, and you what's your dynamic bind like do you feel your girlfriends?
Yeah, I definitely have more guy friends.
I mean I'm someone who's sociable, So I suppose friends is a loose word right when it comes to like closer friends ride or dies. As they say, I probably have more male than female, and I think it's just again I suppose opposite of you. I felt also more secure with males. I have all brothers, so I guess I never didn't have a sister, So I guess it's like you just grow up with that energy, like that male masculine energy, and that's what I kind of relate to.
So I suppose that.
And that's why even my dad sent me to Peters because you was like it, brih, you need to be around the ladies, around the la. You can't be a tomboy your whole life. You can't be climbing pleas and getting you know, with these boys like and I guess also with boys there's a bit of competitiveness. I suppose you probably saw that in me, like that energy and
you want to like level the playing fields. I'm really appreciative and I love That's why I loved going to my high school because I was really at a at a good time, I think to balance things and make me a bit of Yeah, yeah, I think it's just it's just it's so happened to be. I don't consciously look out for it, but I just find those are
the energies. It's more like, and I suppose that you brought up the lgbt QI community, and it's more like, sometimes you can just fall in love with someone and not the genet doesn't matter.
So for me, it so happened. It feels like it so happened. It wasn't on purpose.
I get you, I get you. That makes sense. Do you believe? So? The ultimate question that everyone always asks is do you believe that male and females can just be friends? Is it possible?
Well, I guess, given mind your case, I have to say I think yes.
Do you think? But I think do you think lines ever get like you have to go through a period of flurred lines, like or different.
I was just about to say, I think yes if it started that way.
Do you know what I mean that you know, you meet someone and you're like you almost like box them immediately, like yeah, you know, he my brother here, my brother here, he my real dog, like you don't even think of them that way. I've had a few situations which you'll get into later on in the episode. Obviously, when you meet someone and you are physically attracted to them and then you end up being friends. So then maybe those
ones you can't just be friends. But there's some people you meet and you're not or like your play cousins, right, and we have this a modern especially if you go to the same church, or if you grow up in the same road, go to the same junior school, where you're like, Brah, I've seen you like in your diapers, like I've seen you doing everything, Like I don't look at you attractive, so yeah, yeah, like someone else, I think you're fly, but I certainly don't.
Like Yeah, it's like that.
So it just depends where the root of the friendship. Yeah, what do you think I think it's.
It's I really think it's an individual thing because I don't think there's such a blanket thing of saying like everyone can be friends like male and female and it just be platonic or they can't. And I think, especially coming from a religious upbringing, it was very much like you can't be friends or like, once you're married, you cannot have male friends, do you know what I mean? Like, yeah, definitely depends on how you So I come from that history.
A lot of the time, I've been fortunate to gain male friends along the way in terms of being able to not even consider certain do you get what I mean? I find though, I'm very conscious and also very respectful, So I always like, especially if they have a partner or a wife or something, I'm very conscious to also be like greetings to you know you do you understand what I'm saying? Like I do. I think that's a little bit of that kind of thing, like make sure
you make sure the line is separate. But the line was separate anyway, but like very conscious to be like, oh say hi to x x Y your wife or you know, type of things.
It's okay.
The influence I was just thinking about it, like how that has influenced how I engage or talk to you know, certain certain friends. Yeah it's crazy.
Yeah, yeah, it's crazy.
Have you ever crossed the line with any of your guy friends feelings, actions, or you made the first move?
No, I don't think so, No, not no, No, I mean I have made extensive but I'm like, I don't yeah, no, no.
Like, well, child, given our romantic life in high school, I don't think this is a yeah, it's not really applicable.
I don't think yeah, yeah, I don't know.
Maybe for you, like you can go back to our dating episode, yeah, or non dating life exactly.
I think in some regard, like there could have been a bit of like hmm, what could or could not be there, but in the end it was not there. That's what I was saying, like going through a stage of like what like you're saying, like depends how you meet and then what context and kind of like oh could this or could and then I friend zone was a big thing. I just friend zoned a lot of people.
Apparently I was wrong to friend zone a lot of people in high school, to be fair, but I just read it as that and then I kept pushing if that makes sense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I think, yeah, I'm similar to you, Like before the line could even be crossed, the friend zone was in my zone my phone. Yeah, so like I didn't probably get the chance of opportunity to really cross the line because yeah, because it wasn't presented that way.
It was just like oh yeah, we're just homies.
Yes about another girl or you see that.
Yeah, And the thing is with them barbweans especially naturally as the people were very witty, we're very joky, so like I'm charming.
So then like when someone's.
Flirting what people would call flirting, you just like it's just joking, you know, you don't take it like they have to be very blatant. Yeah exactly, and oh okay, and you.
Know clear unless it's like you're for this person and you're left in this gray.
So I never really and I think I'm one of those people.
I would I'm very like decisive about my feelings about someone, so like I think I wouldn't really even allow myself because I'm just like, no.
We're friends, you know.
So then it's like, even if you found them attractive, it would have to they would have to follow through with the action that if they don't, then it's like, oh, yes, I think that's.
Just that's so true. It's like, if you're not gonna make any move or anything for me, I'm like, I'm not trying to also ruin the friendship that has developed and also not just be out there like put because we didn't grow up in the era of like put yourself out there that was this is a very modern I make it sound like we're but you know it's a very modern also a society. It's like you don't put yourself out there and say, ao, I be feeling you or I not be feeling you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do you find you appreciate the most about your friendships with the opposite sex?
Though?
It's easy. It's like so easy, no hard feelings. You can just jokey, jokey joke, No, you pick your left off like I have read, like I won't talk to them like in or whatever. But then like we just keep it moving. And yeah, it's like not complicated, it's just like honest no bs no, because I think guys, I'm obviously talking about heterosexual men don't sweach too much the nitty gritty, so it's like stuff. But then that time when you didn't add a smiley face, it yeah, yeah,
like goes over their heads. Yeah yeah, it goes absolutely. So I think it's easy and I think it's a good perspective. It gives a good perspective on how the other half sees the world. And yeah, I feel like it's very genuine too. They support you. There's no like I support you, but I'm see I'm jealous.
Yeah I'm also competing with you.
Yeah, none of that. It's just like simple I don't know.
Yeah, I think so too.
And I like in my friendships, especially the closer ones two brothers really because it's like it becomes a protective mode. This is a I'm protected like a sibling. I'm just as protective of them as they are of me. And I think I do like the pick it up where you left off, especially now as a new mom when time is really poor. It's sad that right now in my life, I just don't have enough to give to everyone,
you know. So it's like and including myself. So it's like, okay, I need friendships that are easy as you said, that are pick up where you left off, that are what's going on and you just carry on.
It's not like, oh, you didn't come to my branch.
Last week and there it's just like simple and easy and you know you do want to hang out, yes, no, And there's no like complicated language as well. It's just like yeah, I'm kind of it's kind of over an hour. Yeah, yeah, do you want to watch the so car? Do you want to watch the It's not like it's doesn't come with the heaviness. I think that women we put upon ourselves the expectations I suppose that women put on friendships.
Yeah, and I think too it balances you know, even as women we have feminine energy and masculine energy and like balance right in life. I don't know, like.
Yeah, yeah, and what it does give perspective when you're fighting with your hobby or something, You're like, Brah.
Didn't they remind you how men think? You're like, oh yeah, yeah, as girls, we encourage time.
I will be like, ah, like what you're talking about, feminine masculine energy, we think the same.
Then you're not going to find many.
Girls who are going to give you a different perspective because they would act the same as you are.
It's nice to have that person to be like, what do you think and see it in a different way?
What do you appreciate least about male friendships?
I think I think like you brought up partners. I think that's what I probably, which sounds like I'm women bashing, but like it's it's just me that delicate balance of I think, out of all the types of friendships, platonic friendships are misunderstood by those who don't have them.
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
So if they don't have a real dog who's a male that they didn't meet sexually and want to be in their parts blah blah, then it's hard for them to appreciate that when they see that in their partner with another girl. Yes, yeah, for sure, you know, I find the the Then that becomes delicate because then it's like you have to first explain the whole philosophy behind platonic friendships.
There's nothing here. I don't want your man. He doesn't want me think of me as a man as well.
Pretty much i'm his boy, like you know, is that bad? Like he does not look at me he's sexually and not look at him, you know, And I don't look at him that way too. But because so it comes with a lot of like if I want to hang out with you room to check, I don't have to check in with Tom as much, you know what I mean. But if I want to hang out with a male friend,
I can't. As you said yourself, when you're like messaging your male friends you always say greetings to, but you wouldn't do that to me, essentially like a chat and you cannot say say hi to myself and that's fine, but with you, you're.
Saying you consciously do it for lunch.
So it's like, I think it's that because people don't understand it. So when you find true platonic friendships, you almost have to have people who also understand platonic friendship.
But don't you think it's also media, right, because we watch all these promcorms where it's like, oh, we're just for it. I think there was recently I watched the one with Reese with a Spoon and Ashs on Netflix. It's not a great watch, but I mean, okay, but like literally that storyline of like they've been friends for like ages and if you think of movies like Love and Basketball, you know what I mean?
And yeah, yeah, but do you say how in those, even Love and Basketball or the those, the root of how they met usually had some sort of sexual encounter and then it grew and then it's like, oh, yeah, let's circle back. But like true platonic you'll be like brah, I literally yeah want you.
But by the way, we don't differentiate people just know as like it's the only way to go. It's true.
Yeah, So it's like the language around it, the support system around them, because then a lot of times people will be like, by my wife is not comfortable. So that's that the friendship just and also men, as you said, they're very directing their communication so that when they say that, then what do you You can't be like fight for me, I'm your friend, like it's just like okay, And then the friendship the syntig you know what I mean?
And like, so how would those how would you in that sense navigate a situation where you understand you and your friend, your male friend understand that it's plutonic maybe a partner partner doesn't necessary how to navigate that?
Yeah, well give us.
I think for me what's helped is also trying to befriend the partner, right, so I then not don't become just your friend, that become you know, both of your friends, you know, but then that you also have to have your allegiance because but when they argue, you have to know Markey, what has Basically I fox with you but not that much. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, just like I hang with you but all right or that, yeah, I do for your husband. So it's like I think they have to get to know you.
It does help that I'm in a relationship. Obviously. When I was a single woman, it was a whole.
Thing because it was like especially single woman and going out because then if the boys are going out, like oh, come, let's.
Go out, and then you're there the only girl there. It's just the optics with your bad.
Yeah. I've actually been in situations where they were girlfriends. I was single at the time. Then the little boyfriends. I tried hanging with the girls.
It was so hard for me.
Like also, women were not very inclusive. Let's be honest. Sometimes it's very much like you you can't click energy me. I was like, you know, I'm actually more homies with the dudes, like where you hang with you like, let me go hang with the dudes by the sand, you know. Yeah, then the girls get touched now and then now they so I'm like, if you're not welcoming, I don't know what you want me to do to just say, look like boo boo the fool when I.
Have right and listen to your stories.
Yeah, very tough, like when you when you have to kind of and be like, no, I'm not checking for them, but like also I prefer this conversation, but like calm down, but like you know.
It's so sunny.
You bring that up because that's such a typical Zimbabewe and set up like you go for a bride or you go for for.
Those who don't know what a bride is, by season five, a barbecue.
And then like you know, the men would be outside with the typically with the beers and with the with the meat, and the ladies are doing the sides in the kitchen and then you all congregate when the.
Food is ready to eat. But it's like you're you walk in and you go to your separate way.
So when you're not homies with the girls, it's like oh hiy, the never look at you up and down. Yeah that girl who's friends with money.
Yeah absolutely, or like checking out what you're wearing. But even if you think about it from a family, because we likened friendship to like a brother, a cousin or ever, if I think of family events, sometimes I just want to hang out with my god cousins, Like it's right, do you understand?
Like so if you think of it.
In that context, it makes sense, but people don't always read it in the same language. I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, I mean to be fair.
Also, when you go out with guys who are your friends, they can block you as well. It ain't gonna always be rosy because it looks like you must you're you're rolling five deep.
You must have one of them. I don't know them, must be your man, you know so. But our guys good are they good guys?
Good wingmen?
No?
No, are terrible. I tell you, came with the guy was the happliest guy in the club.
We're good, we're good wing women for them, and they're horrible wingmen for.
And then they get this protected big brother and relax.
I want to want you help me enter and they're like, don't come and now give your don't wait, I must say.
They get protected like that big brother energy, and you're like, what I signed up for?
Like, actually, yeah, I found that the relationships with my friends male friends that have gone well with people I was dating, and people I dated were guys I met separately.
Then I bought them into the fold meeting at the same time. And the guy and then my friends.
Yeah, no, no, no, like literally blocked one of us. Let's go, and you're like, yeah, yeah.
That dude you never put his arm around you, like, you know, my guy's opting.
So that's just warnering if you want paternally friendships and you single trying to you know, sometimes coup blocks like the interfere.
With the plan.
Meanwhile, we'd be working hard to waming for them, yes and being nice.
And like, oh you look so pretty, Oh you look so pretty, Like yeah, have you met my hommie?
Like, you know, my friend putting in a good word, and guys love, they love to be like he's putting a good word. Who's your homie? Can you er for me?
Meanwhile?
Mean block talking about that, Do you think it's okay for your partner to have lots of friends of the opposite sex?
What lots of friends? It's all like subjective, right.
Like yeah, I guess, I guess an amount that maybe you have, like more than when you would have whatever that whatever that would be, or like you know, you brought up may this spile of the thickest she obviously, but they were besties and then he then got into a relationship. Yeah, and she we didn't see her life but let's just say she didn't have any male nor friends. Yeah, and then she sees but my man and my new man has a bestie who's a female.
Like that energy? What are you saying?
I just it depends on what energy you're getting from that person, because sometimes people become protective of their friend, right, and it's kind of like who's in the relationship here like me, and then more like it gets tricky. I think I would like to say, if he did have a lot of more female friends, I would like to think that he still confides in me too. Like I think what hurts a lot of people is where it's like you go tell them everything and I'm just like on the I'm just your.
Outskirts on the out periphery. But that happens with female female that's friendships.
That's true.
So we like doing a double standard.
But it's a double standard because like men don't get certain things about a female friend. Like we laugh and joke about this, Like me, I'm always if anything happens black golden girls we live together, don't we'll find the house.
I buy a house with you, Yeah.
Exactly, Like because it's just like you understand the world differently and the things I share with you, most of the I share with my husband, you know, but his perspective sometimes just like I was looking for a bit more energy on this topic.
Yeah, yeah, I can me dialve into Yeah, when they're.
Not very practical, they just like, I mean, just don't talk to her, and you're like, yeah, but like it hurt me, you know what type of thing. Yeah, yeah, So the space is different when it's a male friendship than a female one. So there's kind of that. And also like you know, if he makes your priority, that's dope, but when they're now don't make you a priority, then I don't know that that's yeah, I don't know how you see it.
I think it's so.
It depends its case by case for me, because it also depends if your man is up in the streets and you want to be chilling at home and then he goes out and he so happens to have a lot of female friends and they're getting drunk together and they're getting and we all know you do silly things when alcohol is involved.
And if it's repeatedly, like every Friday.
So it's like it just depends on the energy on the situations I tend luckily obviously with my husband attract men who don't have lots of girlfriends. I've never really had that one on one experience of it. But I also it also depends for me on the friends the girlfriend's intentions, you know, like if they think they're waiting in line, thinking I wait by the sidelines one day it'll be over with this chick, and you get that energy, then it be hard.
But if they have pure.
Stands for our friendship for love, then okay, then I actually feel like, okay, I got an inside man in a way, you know. So it really depends and and people think they're good at hiding these kinds of things, but we know, yeah, no, we know a girl who's after your man very and we not a girl who's just.
There to be a friend. We know the difference.
Yeah, so when you get the vibes, that's when the reactions they are differently For me for sure, Yeah.
I have three one thousand percent like it. It's really so I think that's the thing. It's like, what does it mean? And and similar to you, you know, my husband doesn't have a lot of like female friends, like so I can't really say like, but I was just like befriend them, like you said, like hopefully they can hold enough space for us to be friends too, like to be in it. And so I'm so it's.
Layered, young, it's a layered one.
Yeah, it's totally lay Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I think, yeah, I think we touched on some of the benefit. What are the benefits of your partner having more girlfriends than.
I guess you know what to give you child?
That's true sometimes.
Sure, if she's not a okay, we're assuming the friend is of sound mind, sound mine, and there's a stand of your laf Obviously she's like having, as I said, an inside man. So that would be good, even inside man to his thoughts because maybe coming from a fellow depends on how you say it. Obviously it might be nice to get out. Maybe he's thinking this in a
gentle way, not not enough. He told me this, and he told me that, And that also then creates a divide because it's like, oh, he tells you all these things.
Yeah.
For me, the drawbacks are what you said, like not having a community, sense of community, because boys don't really roll like that. They're more I mean, you have your group of friends, but it's not like the way it feels like ladies with branch or going to the spa, or we're very communal women and men are more like lone wolfish, you know. So I think for me, obviously, being a female, I do appreciate I also like having
my girls around me and that support. Like things like planning a wedding or planning a baby with a male friend.
They'll be like, you want me to go?
What they'll be like and even just a mental load before the event, talking about a color scheme. They'll be like my guy Canada. This is obviously mainly a generalization on sexual men. They will be like, just choose. You know, you want to delve into.
Salmon things, can equity, you know you want to go into all the things I think happen.
When when the groom himself is just like you choose, I mean yeah, like b it's not yeah, it's not even.
Yeah, so I feel like you need a balance.
Yeah I can't imagine being colourways like I mean, okay, totally.
Well, they'll be like what you got to be explaining everything.
Unless they're into that, like unless they have that Yeah, yeah, we're generalizing you. Sorry, you don't get offended.
But we're just saying, yeah, please don't get offended if you think you don't know what colourways? Do you think though, that platonic friendships also depend on personality type or your own experiences and therefore, like if you've had a friend that crossed the line with you, then that's why you're a bit suspicious of them, Like you know, do you think it's as a result of that how your platonic friendships go.
Absolutely. I think everything we do is from experience and from how we've seen things happen in our lives. How we feel, do we feel safe, do we feel we can trust? Do we feel And I think I will say this, I think it's okay for people to realize it's okay if platonic friendships are not for you. Just like I don't know how to explain it, like it's it's it doesn't mean you're less of a woman. Yeah, but I think people feel like, oh, if I'm a balanced person, I need to have X Y. But I
think everything is influenced from your upbringing. So if you feel safe, like I was saying, like, I just have always felt safer with women in terms of my inner intimate circle. But that's by virtue of my own personal experiences. I do think it definitely depends if you feel like you are able to engage just purely on the basis of like there's the homie and there's nothing there. I think, as Amanda already said, how you met, how you came
to be friends and their levels to friendship. Hey, there's friendship. Like you know, we talk often and we unpack like life's meaning in this friendships of life, Brah, let's go, let's go, hang, let's go, you know, the common interest common So they're definitely different layers. What I will say though, where I kind of say it's questionable if you, as a female are not able to have female friends. That's how I feel.
But like versa, if I met do you didn't have any male friends and all of them girls, I would also.
Be That's why I think it's because it's it's it's it's it's kind of saying, how do you perceive even yourself in a way, And there's a whole we could go on a whole tangent of that, but in terms of platonic friendship, definitely personality type and what you want and what you need and sometimes you don't need that male perspective or maybe.
And what's available to you, you know, like if you're not around a lot of people love a certain gender, male or female, then maybe that it's going to be as a product of you know.
So it also defends the spaces you're occupying.
For sure.
Yeah, it's such a I mean, friendships.
Is always a late thing, and I think people always concentrate on romance so much, like even you know, you were talking about all these movies that I've come up rom coms, and but I feel like friendships are the things that sustain us from like when we were so young, when we're so old, and the journey of friendships, you know.
So it's so funny, Like it's just.
I guess we just want to do one for the Fellers to be like, Yeah, obviously we've talked about sisterhood a lot, and we're keen on this season to talk about sisterhood, but we're also like we do recognize there are some.
Good men out there.
We're also holding their sisters up, you know, and giving them support and giving them perspective and hopefully gaining the same back.
Absolutely, and I think that that's what makes good platonic friendships? Are you an ally? Are you supporting? Are you willing to learn? Are you you know? Those things? And we need it because sometimes when you say a woman to a man, like don't do that because it's disrespect me as a woman, or ever, they don't hear it, but hearing it from another day, like, oh, you shouldn't do that because like women, you know, do you understand what
I'm saying? Like, yeah, definitely beneficial for standing in the gap, but yeah, I haven't you guys like enjoyed us kind of trying to break it down and you know, coming back to this podcast life, Yes, exactly. So what can we expect for season? I wan's say season two season.
Girl, We're done done? Season two.
Type of five I'm losing track can explain. We can expect a lot of celebration of black women, specifically black Zimbabwean women. Brimby and I both watch the Bobby movie and say what you want to say, but we were in our fields about you know, about sisterhood, fellow our fellow Bobby's out.
Yeah, you know there was President Bobby, like.
You know, so like it's just I love that it celebrates us, all those individuals and all our different ways, and this season we're really taking a moment. You know, even if you see our logos pink pink, Bobby Future pink, and it's like.
Yays Era, just we don't get.
It's such a layered gender and it's be beautiful that this season will get to spotlight our own thoughts on things as black women, but also spotlight some very exciting guests for our beautiful season.
Absolutely. Yeah. Every time I hear buy, I want to say Bartie, but that's yeah, that's what's her name, Cardi.
B Right's Cardi B I think Bobby.
Ni.
Yeah, that's true, that's true. I do like the remix to Bobby Girl.
No no, no, no, yeah I do. I do like it too.
And even there's even that sad song with Billie Eilish like, yeah I heard it.
What have I made for or something?
Yeah?
Anyway, what's that zim shower room bee for today?
Well, actually thinking about women, but it's in your hood, somebody in your hood, your territory. Our shout out is routend or M. I actually don't know what the M stands for. She was on Master Chef of Australia and she won the Source Challenge. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
She had to have a source in like a in a grocery, a major grocery called Calls.
Yeah, yeah, nationwide Barbarus sauce. It was really cool that. Yeah, you know what, you know, as black people, we like flavor. So she's just like.
She was like the name because like, I've been doing this since I started cooking, what do you mean?
So yeah, it's nice to see a fellow and you know, just her journey obviously becoming and I think she was like if she was not in, she was in the top ten for sure.
I remember at which point she got eliminated.
But her, I mean, such a big consolation prize, right to have your source sold nationwide people.
I bought like six bottles. I started gifting the people at work.
Because I was like, yes, let them know. Let them know.
So shout out to Route. Her instagram is at routendome no M.
Yeah are you you e t N d O M.
Yeah. I think she calls us half rue like the kangaroo, yes.
Because Australian people don't know how to ruh or you know, I get that.
Yeah, So shout out to her. Yeah, well then, and.
Thank you guys for joining us season five. I know some people are like when you're coming back back back as always, as I say it, like a bad rush.
We don't like it, but we accept.
Who don't stop me now? You can't help me now, but I won't start now sometimes Season five, y'all now, just yeah exactly. I just want my diddy energy.
I wish I had that man, no question dances that didn't shake. You can hate me, but I won't stand up time.
But like, but who're gonna tell him to stop?
Gonna tell the We're gonna tell nobody exactly.
Thank you so much. As always, you can hit us up. We are on Instagram, it's layered on x It's layered pod on TikTok, It's laid pod. Email us, it's lead pod at gmail dot com. We love you guys. Thank you so much for always writing with us. They do need to die, but we keep writing. I'll see you guys on the next.
Hope you enjoyed this season.
Bye, yes bye no no no, yeah yeah yeah yeah