Understanding What Your Kids Aren't Telling You

Welcome to another episode of it's a Single Mom Thing , where we can come together and navigate the challenges and joys of single motherhood , and navigate the challenges and joys of single motherhood . I'm your host , sherri , and today we are diving into something all parents wonder about what's really going on in the hearts and minds of our kids ?

As single moms , we spin so many plates . It is way too easy to miss the silent cues our children are giving us . They may not always tell us what they're feeling or thinking , but if we pay close attention , we too can do a little ask-by , getting a clue and learn to understand the language of the unspoken .

In today's episode , we'll explore the hidden messages behind their behavior , the emotions they may struggle to express and how we , as moms , can create a space where they feel safe to open up . Together . Let's unpack their little suitcases to what your kids are telling you and how you can help them feel seen , heard and understood .

The Silent Struggles what Kids Aren't Saying can help them feel seen , heard and understood . The silence struggles what kids aren't saying . Now , I know silence is golden , but then there are times when it isn't such a treasure , like when our kids go radio silent . Being a boy mom , I tend to guess this is a little different than a girl mom .

I'm just guessing that , as my nieces , as I viewed them , they had quite the vocabulary and they usually knew what was on their mind . That's because they shared it with you and anyone who was listening . Now , raising a boy , however , in my experience , as he was a male , he was a man of few words .

Sure , we talked about a lot of things , but we didn't talk about matters of the heart or things that troubled his mind , unless it was right before bed . Oh yes , when the struggle was real for him , he felt real , compelled to share it all with me right before we went to bed . But what about when our littles are afraid to open up ?

How do we understand what their silence is really saying ? As kids of separation , divorce or just a one-parent household , kids may choose to keep certain feelings to themselves , either to avoid birding you , the mom , or because they're unsure how to express their emotions . So here , my sisters .

It is important to remember that our kiddos , especially the littles , are still developing their emotional vocabulary and the cognitive ability to fully understand their own feelings . In fact , research in child development shows that most children under the age of 10 , well , they're still learning how to identify and articulate their emotions .

Even older kids , particularly in their preteens and early teens , may struggle with this because their brains are still maturing , especially in areas like emotional regulation and understanding complex feelings . And well , sometimes us women , we're complex and we're hard to understand . Now , contrary to popular belief , it's not just because they don't want to talk to you .

They may not know how to talk to you . Here's some straight up facts . Did you know that the prefrontal cortex , the part of the brain responsible for managing emotions and decision making ? Well , it isn't fully developed until the mid-20s , and that might explain a lot of things for the boys and people you dated .

This means children , even tweens and teens , often experience emotions intensely but may not have the ability to process them nor put them into words . They know how they feel something , but they may struggle with how to describe it , but they sure don't have a hard time screaming or crying it out , am I right . So how this plays out .

Well , with younger children . They may feel sad , angry or confused , but only know how to share it through actions like throwing tantrums , crying or withdrawing . They haven't yet mastered the ability to say I'm feeling overwhelmed because of the changes in my life . That would be funny if that came out of their mouth .

Tweens and early teens well , they might experience complex emotions like feeling caught between wanting independence and needing security . Their way of expressing frustration may be through behaviors like slamming doors , saying hurtful things or shutting down .

Oh , I remember when I was a teen and having a hard time trying to articulate that I was having a hard time understanding some math homework , that I was having a hard time understanding some math homework . My mom well , she was a math teacher and only being able to read into what I said .

Well , she said something in just back and well , I went off on her , ran to my room , slammed the door and then cried it out no-transcript . And here's another example I'm sure that you too can relate to . Imagine your child had a tough day at school . Maybe they felt left out or frustrated . But when you ask them , hey , how was your day at school ?

They might struggle and shrug their shoulders and say , yeah , it was fine . It's not that they don't want to share , but they may not fully understand the emotions they're experiencing or know how to talk about them . This , ladies , is a normal part of their development , even though their fit may seem abnormal .

Take a deep breath , mama , helping them build their emotional vocabulary . As moms , it's crucial to help our kids by giving them the tools to express themselves . As moms , it's crucial to help our kids by giving them the tools to express themselves .

This can mean modeling how to talk about emotions , offering them language to describe what they're feeling and using simple terms they can understand . For example , you might say I can see you're feeling frustrated right now . Do you feel upset because of what happened at school ? Now , remember , ladies , this is a natural stage of growth and development .

So try to respond with patience and understanding of what they don't understand Now , why they don't always open up . This may be surprising to you , but surprisingly , the reasons behind this is fear of upsetting you . They know you spend a lot of place , they see you . But surprisingly , the reasons behind this is fear of upsetting you .

They know you spend a lot of place , they see you . Other reasons may be confusion over their own emotions , or they may simply not know how to put their thoughts into words . Just because they can speak doesn't mean they understand what they're saying or even what the situation they're in is saying .

For example , how many of you have noticed your child getting quiet after visits with their other parent or their mood shifting when school or friendships come up ? These , well , these could be signs that they're holding something in . So here's a little pro tip .

If you sense your kiddo is holding something in , pro tip If you sense your kiddo is holding something in , try using reflective listening Instead of pressing them with direct questions like what's wrong . Try gently reflecting their emotions back to them . And this is here . This is what this sounds like . It seems like something might be bothering you .

I'm here whenever you feel ready to talk . This shows you're available without putting pressure on them to open up right away . Sometimes kids , ladies , sometimes they need time to process their emotions before they're able to share .

I know for me as an adult , especially when I'm in the midst of a crucial conversation , whether it's at work , with family or friends I too don't always have the words to respond right away .

So I choose to stay silent , and I do this until I can process the situation and my feelings into words that I can trust are helpful and not hurtful the power of observation , reading between the lines . Many times as parents , I have found that I had to be a super sleuth to discover and uncover my son's behavior , which often said what his words did not .

Changes in his attitude , mood swings or even withdrawing from activities he once loved were indicators of something deeper that we needed to dive into , looking out for signs and silent cues . Well , those are things like changes in sleeping or eating habits , withdrawing socially or even being unusually clingy .

For me , these were all the clues that I knew to look for when I knew something was up with my little guy . For your kiddo , it may be that a tantrum over the smallest thing might not be about the spilt milk . It could be about a bigger emotional storm that they are trying to navigate .

I mean honestly , you're a woman , so you don't have to read too far into this one . We are pros at not sharing our feelings when something is really bugging us . Just watch any wife and how she responds when her husband asks her honey what's wrong , and she responds how Nothing , lies and deceptions . You know that your kids' nonverbal screams .

Well , they do scream something , so create a safe space for them to open up . And how do you do that ? Well , you make room for conversation to happen . Listen , ladies , it is muy importante to create moments where your kids feel safe to share , without fear of judgment or disappointment .

It's about letting your kids know that , no matter what they are feeling , they won't be criticized or dismissed . You're a woman . You know firsthand how important this is to you . Nonverbal communication Well , that looks like sometimes .

It's less about asking direct questions and it's more about giving them space with subtle affirmations like hugs , physical presence or an undistracted time together , for example , even if they're not ready to talk right away , your consistent presence will remind them that they can come to you when they're ready .

So here's a pro tip so , when they are ready , be prepared to drop everything within reason , unless there's something really going on that you can't pause for the cause at that moment , then you need to quickly and clearly give them a time that you will be able to spend with them , assuring them that they have been heard and that you will be there on time to

meet with them . Now , again this when my son decided right before bed that that was a good time to dump on me . I made the time to stay up with him and talk about it , albeit I was exhausted , but I did put a boundary on how long we were going to talk so he could and I could both get rest that we needed Usually for me .

I could tell by his nonverbal communication when it was a good time to conclude our conversation . Ladies , don't make the mistake of putting your kids' feelings off until you are ready . You just may miss that door of opportunity they opened up for you and to you how to respond when they don't open up , listening without fixing .

Again , as a woman , this one should hit close to home . Why ? Because when we talk to a guy , we don't want him to really fix us , do we ? We want him to do what Listen . So , as a single mom , the instinct to fix or offer advice well , it's strong , but often kids , they just need to be heard , just like you .

So validate their feelings , validate their emotions . Even if their worry seems small or irrational to us as adults , it is real to them . Remember that . So , for example , when your child shares their fears or frustrations , even if it's something as simple and small , acknowledge how it is real and feels to them .

Say things like I can see why that would make you feel upset . That can go a long way into building trust . You can do this at an early age and listen in the stages . Later they most likely will open up to you before looking for answers elsewhere . You getting what I'm putting down there , sister .

You see , if you validate their feelings in the small , they will trust you with the tall feelings too . What kids wish they could tell you ? Here are some common things that kids might struggle with . That are like feelings of guilty about their parent situation . They have pressures to succeed or fear of disappointing you , their mom Remember you are their Shiro .

So here's a list of things that we can go over that your kids might wish they could express if they had the right words or felt more comfortable . So , ladies , you might want to get some tissue ready , as some of these might be hard to hear . I'm scared that I'm making things harder for you .

That means they may be feeling guilty about the extra stress they perceive they're adding to your life . I miss the way the things used to be before the divorce or separation . I feel caught in the middle between you and dad . I don't know how to deal with my emotions right now . I need more attention from you , but I don't want to seem needy .

I don't want to hurt your feelings by telling you what's bothering me . I'm worried that things are never going to get better . They could be feeling , and that could be a feeling of anxious about their future , but don't want to voice their fears . Here's another one . I get sad when you're stressed or upset Kids .

Well , honestly , they're highly sensitive to their mom's emotions and so they may internalize some of your stress . Mama , I don't know how to talk to you about certain things . I'm afraid you won't understand how I'm feeling . I feel different from other kids because of our family situation .

In that situation , they might be trying to express feelings of isolation or like they don't fit in with their peers who live in a two-parent home . I don't always know what I'm feeling , but I wish you could just be there . Sometimes . They don't need advice , they just need your presence and reassurance .

Mama , now , I know that hearing these silent struggles can feel heavy , but let me encourage you just by being here , listening and caring , you are already making a difference in your child's life . You don't have to have all the answers to solve every problem . Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply be present for your child .

Show them , day by day , that they can trust you with their feelings , no matter how messy or confusing . Remember , no mom is perfect and your child doesn't need you to be perfect . They just need to know that you are there , ready to listen when they're ready to talk .

By creating a safe , loving space where they feel seen and understood , you're giving them the gift of emotional security . So take a deep breath , release the pressure and trust that , with love , patience and faith , you and your child will navigate these emotions together . You got this , mama .

Now , before I close here , here is one last tool that you can put in your toolkit today Help your kids develop emotional language , teaching them to express their emotions by journaling , drawing or using stories . What's great about this is that it offers creative ways , which your kids love , to use their imagination .

It offers them an opportunity to help them express what they can't say directly . Encourage them to journal their feelings or use art to show what they're going through . Sometimes , drawing out their emotion helps them speak more openly . Drawing them out as we wrap up today's episode .

Remember this your child may not always have the words to tell you how they're feeling , but they are constantly communicating with you in other ways , through their actions , moods and even their silence . They're reaching out , trusting that you're there too and that you're there to catch them when they need it most .

As a single mom , you're already caring so much , but you don't have to carry it alone . Lean into your community , your faith and the support that's available to you , and when it comes to your kids , just showing up with love and understanding is enough . They don't need you to be perfect , they just need you to be present .

If you're looking for more support and connection , don't forget about . Art is a Single Mom Thing class , where we meet on the second and fourth Tuesday of every month . For more information and inspiration , visit shepherdsvillagecom . Forward slash classes .

You don't have to walk this journey alone , mama , and if you ever need prayer or someone to talk to , our 24-hour prayer line is always open at 855-822-PRAY . Thank you for joining me today and keep going , mama .

Your love and faith are making a bigger difference than you know , and for all your littles tomorrows , have a wonderful week and remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you . Thanks for listening to . It's a Single Mom Thing . I hope you enjoyed our time together .

If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer , visit us at wwwshepherdsvillagecom . Backslash prayer . For more information and resources , check out our show notes .