Welcome to it's a Single Mom Thing , the show for single moms by single moms . This is Sherri , your host , and I am happy you are here today . Remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you . So as we get ready in the coming weeks to gather with friends , family and even extended family , I want us to feast on this .
Better a dry crust eaten in peace than a house filled with feasting and conflict .
Now I wish I could take credit for this morsel of wisdom , but the only credit I could take is for finding it the other morning when I was reading in Proverbs 17.1 in the NLT , which coincidentally pairs well with a blank podcast page I've had on my laptop for several months now , called it's All Relative when it Comes to the Relatives .
Welcome to another episode of it's a Single Mom Thing . I just love , love , love when the Lord puts a podcast topic on my heart but doesn't give me the words to be spoken until his timing has come to pass .
So , ladies and gents , this message has specifically been prepared for us as we prepare our dinner tables , our hearts , our gifts , our giving and our time this holiday season . So if you are listening in the United States , you still may be getting over the Thanksgiving leftovers and the hangovers from time spent with , yes , your family . Now let me digress here .
Not the hangover that comes from glasses that runneth over , but more your patience that got runneth over from time spent with your relatives . Same pain , but without the bottle , but it may have left you bottled up . The holiday and holy season is a time meant to be filled with cheer , celebration , joy and togetherness .
However , it can also be a period of stress , anxiety and strained relationships , especially when managing family dynamics that don't include your immediate family . As the holidays approach , our to-do lists grow longer , our time and energy become shorter and our patience can wear thin , like our hairline , whether dealing with relatives or co-parenting with an ex-partner .
Setting healthy boundaries is crucial to ensuring that the holidays remain holy , harmonious , lifted in love and laughter and balanced emotional well-being for all beings involved . So , having said that , how exactly do we do that , you may ask ? You haven't had a seat at my turbulent and tumultuous turkey table . Now have you For me ? This is my advice to you .
I like to keep my perspective on point when it comes to the holidays , and that is , it is all relative when it comes to the relatives Managing expectations with boundaries . So let me start with this second piece of advice that I have learned over the years , particularly when it comes to the other family boundaries .
You see , boundaries play a pivotal role in maintaining peace and balance during the holidays . So listen , as a solo , you do not want to be outnumbered by the number of people in a room or in your kids holiday plans that may have plans of their own for how you or they spend it .
Boundaries are a healthy and helpful way of creating a harmonious holiday experience while keeping it holy . Now , trust me , this is not one of those times when it's better to have let some things unsaid . You want to speak your peace , to keep the peace and a silent night .
What's so awesome about boundaries , I have learned , is that they help manage expectations , time and emotions , and they should be communicated to both the other parent as well as your children in age-appropriate manners . So here are just six things that I have come up with for you to consider in implementing them . One the handoff .
Agree on where , when and what times for holiday gatherings and celebrations . Clearly define the schedule to prevent misunderstandings and ensure a smooth transition between parents or family members and or new partners who may be joining in the reindeer games this holiday season . Gift giving . This boundary will be a gift that keeps on giving through the years .
If you present it now , it may seem trivial , but it is important to discuss how much each parent will spend on gifts for the children . Yes , girl , yes , you see . A set budget is especially important if there is a significant income disparity between co-parents , ensuring fairness and preventing competition , especially in this inflationary economy .
Access to children Determine ahead of time who can be around your children during the holidays . Protect them from unsafe , toxic or emotionally triggering individuals . Your children's physical and emotional well-being should always come first , even over your own Bedtime .
Although it may seem petty , helping your children get adequate sleep is crucial for their emotional stability , even during the holidays , when school is out . You know your kids and you know how much sleep they need to be successful . But maybe the other parent or the relatives don't . Don't be quiet on the amount of quiet time your kids need . Screen time .
Set agreed upon limits on screen time , especially as kids who may move between two or more homes during the holiday . Screen time limits help maintain consistency and online safety .
Now don't assume that everyone will screen what your little see , so it's great to share with others maybe some of the filters , parental controls , apps or restrictions you have found that have protected what those little eyes see and hear . You see , we want to keep sugar plums dancing in their head and not somebody else . Lastly , number six communication .
If one parent spends more time with the other child or children during the holidays , establish a predetermined daily time for the other parent and children to connect via text , facetime , phone or video calls . This is great , especially if your kids are going to go out of town for the holidays with the other parent .
Having a dedicated time allows your kids to enjoy the best of both worlds while they are world travelers Communicating boundaries . So now that we have discussed how to manage the expectations using boundaries , we now must discuss the key to effective boundary setting through communication .
Now , ideally , co-parents should already have a parenting plan that outlines these boundaries . Additionally , regular co-parenting meetings can be arranged to discuss children's schedules , life details , discipline , approaches and finances related to the children's needs . However , if the co-parenting relationship is strained , several parenting apps can simplify communication and planning .
If you don't have a parenting plan in place , then gift yourself this holiday season by putting one together . So what if boundaries are broken ? What happens when your boundaries aren't respected ? This is new and chances are this is going to happen until it becomes a habit . So it is essential to address it constructively , and the sooner the better .
You wanna first acknowledge it . Recognize the broken boundary with love and truth . Ignoring broken boundaries listen , girl is only going to enable bad behavior . Number two effective communication . Approach the issue to improve the relationship , not prove yourself right .
Choose a suitable time for a productive conversation , ideally when both parties are calm and the children are away . Number three we're going for progress , not perfection . Understand that you can't change another person . Focus rather on making progress in the relationship rather than seeking perfection .
Overcoming guilt Setting boundaries can sometimes trigger guilt , but it's important to remember that limits set in love protect and promote healthy relationships . They provide a safe place for everyone to go and grow . Guilt is more , I don't know , likely to arise when boundaries aren't set , potentially then leading to dysfunction .
Instead , this holiday , let's keep the fun in our functions . So embrace those boundaries , as they will foster strength , more loving relationships that will , I promise you , gift you beyond this holiday season .
So , as I close , let's remember the motive is love and respect Healthy family boundaries during the holidays are not about control , but about fostering love , respect and emotional well-being for everyone involved .
As the holiday season approaches , take the time to discuss now and establish healthy boundaries with your co-parent , your loved ones , even if that's immediate and or extended family . Doing so , I promise , you will create the foundation for a joyful , harmonious and a holy holiday season for you and your family , as is all relative when it comes to the relatives .
As you enter this holiday season as a solo , whether this is your first holiday alone with your children or you've done this multiple times take it from me this season can be challenging . Let God meet you in each moment , starting now , and let us meet you in your need via prayer by calling us at 855-822-PRAY .
No matter the day , even if it's a holiday , we are here for you . Have a wonderful week and remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you . Thanks for listening to it's a single mom thing . I hope you enjoyed our time together .
If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer , visit us at wwwshepherdsvillagecom . Backslash prayer for more information and resources . Check out our show notes .