MANipulation Stop It! A Single Mother's Guide To Find Love Without Losing Herself.

How far are you willing to go for him to care for you and your kiddos and girl ? How far are you willing to go ? Do you know where that road will take you ? If your answer sounds like you do about anything to get out of your single situation and you are willing to manipulate a man , you need to stop it .

Welcome to another episode of it's a Single Mom Thing . This is a messy message , and it's not just for the ladies . The pendulum swings both ways on this one . You see , in my mind you can't spell manipulation without the word man . So , ladies , you are going to take it on the chin this one time . This is a sherry thing .

So , truth Be Told , this is a little title that I've had on my Google Docs for over a year now , and a blank page that's just been waiting to be filled . So today is the day , and what better time than after last week's episode on dating in a broken world .

In last week's episode , if you remember , we learned that we want to be the best version of our broken self , to attract what ? To attract our other half , who , too , is working with God , to be the best version of his broken self . We aren't looking for Mr Right or Right Now . We aren't looking for husbands .

We are looking for husbands , or , at the very least , to date , and relate to a Christian guy who is learning how to date in a broken world , just like you . Moreover , we are loving our life more than looking and lusting for the love of our life .

You see , there was a lot , if you remember , of meat on that bone , and we did have some leftovers to mull over . However , the biggest takeaway , in my opinion , that we discerned and learned is that we are to be the best version of our broken self in dating , not our broken self .

Furthermore , as we piece our broken selves back together through this process , we are including Jesus in the process as our relationship coach , for the Lord sees not as man sees . Man looks on the outward appearance , but the Lord looks on the heart . You see , he knows who he has to win our heart and who will break your heart on your path to your partner .

So if you haven't listened to that episode and you find yourself a wee bit confused in all these puns , I would strongly suggest you listen to that podcast , then bounce back into this one Manual Labor . Sometimes I just can't get over the way I write . Again another word that can't be spelled without the word man .

I told you this was going to be a messy podcast , but for kicks and giggles . Let's kick that idea around for a little , because if any of those questions I asked at the beginning of the podcast resonated with you , you , my sweet sister , have been doing some manual labor to work a brother over .

And listen , this is not a hater's gonna hate hate message here . Okay , I think all of us listening could honestly say we have at least once in our lifetime labored over an unrequited lust , putting all our efforts and trying to win over that person , maybe even to the point of manipulation .

Tis what all those messed up thoughts in your head were doing to you to get you to do the same thing to another person , manipulating you Right Now . Think about that . Do you remember a day when you obsessed and stressed over a person so much it was kind of like childbirth .

With every laborious thought you came up with another way , another possibility of how you were going to get the guy . Every thought was a new painful contraction trying to get you to con the guy .

They started out maybe a couple days apart , but as there were more days apart from him , the contractions became more frequent , more painful , as it seemed like your life was forever going to be a part from him , not a part with him .

Come on , I know I am not the only person who's been there , so kick back in your seat and if you're driving , sit straight up in your seat and let's walk and talk or drive this thing out . Then you think back to a time and to something you either thought , thought about , acting on or acted out to manipulate a guy .

Did you I don't know flirt with another guy in front of him or talk to him about all the other options you had available , when really it was only him ? Did you not answer his text or phone call right away , or maybe even for a couple days , playing hard to get ? Did you do whatever he wanted when you didn't want to Get comfy in that seat ?

And let's talk this uncomfortable out , looking back , I don't know at the old you , who we know now is the broken you . Do you see yourself clearly ? Now come on , focus and get honest with yourself . How did she meaning broken you ? How did she feel when she did those things or something else maybe not listed on our list ? Can you see her body posture ?

Can you hear the tone of her voice as you replay that time in your mind ? Now look at her real closely . Is she assertive , confident , empowered , truthful , even worthy ? Did she hold her head up high and her shoulders back ? Or was she more anxious , desperate , lonely , scared , uncertain , even feeling worthless ?

What did she want or hoped to get out of that time ? Did she want to simply be seen , acknowledged , appreciated and want to be loved ? Now , why did she work so hard , doing countless hours of manual labor ? Did it have anything really to do with that particular guy ? Or was there something more particular with her Manifest ?

And if I'm truly going to write a messy message , I might as well come up with all the words that have man in it . Right , forgive me , that is just how I roll downhill here , but since we are at the bottom of the hill , let's look up to the top and at the word manifest . Manifest .

The word manifest as an action verb means to make evident or certain by showing or displaying , according to Merriam Webster . Hmm , to make evident or to make certain , hmm , all the places I could go with this one . So let's go back to the broken self and let's look at that young girl again . Or maybe it was just you yesterday .

What did you manifest during that time ? Did you get what you wanted or did you get something else ? Did you fester so much over the man and did you manifest something you didn't want ?

Are some of you listening , even living the unexpected life you didn't see for yourself , as you are now a parent , and not just any parent , a single parent from your manual labor and manipulation .

Looking back to our broken selves , my guess is that very few of us ended up with anything we wanted , nothing of real value , as , honestly , we really didn't value ourselves during that time . Now , where does that road to manipulation take you ? Do you have the answer to that ? It is a dead end .

Yeah , for some of us , you may have gotten the guy , but looking at him today , is he really the guy you truly wanted ? Now , for some of you , that answer may be yes , and you know what . That's awesome . You go girl . Much props to you , and I certainly hope that he feels the same way about you , because you are awesome .

You are God's chosen golden girl , and that's my point exactly . We are God's golden girls and he certainly does not want us to manipulate a man to get what quote unquote we think we want . Now let's go to his word , and I'm going to go straight to Matthew 1518 . In the end , I V .

But the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart and these defile them . My single sisters , we must remember our worth and we must remember where we find our worth that enables us to be called worthy . You see , broken . You want you to experience more brokenness . Best broken version of you wants the best for you , not more brokenness .

We live in a world that's broken and among people who don't know a God who loves them so much that he gave up his son for them . That they will yes , they will give you up for what they want . Is that what you want ? Is that worth manipulating for ? And is that what you want for your children to learn from you ?

That when I don't know , times get tough and they will , to manipulate , but when it seems like there is no other way , or when they even have to go their own way , they need to manipulate , or that it is better to manipulate , doing what a man does , or is there another way ?

Is Jesus your truth , the light in the way , or is he in your way because he is not giving you the things that you want your way ? Oh , that's an ouch . You see , even in our relationship with him , meaning Jesus , we try to manipulate him to get our way . Why , why do we do that ?

Many times and this is just my opinion it's because the situation we either got ourselves in or he has allowed us to remain in is uncomfortable . It's painful , it's prolonged and as a man or a woman and if you notice the word man is a woman are we going to manipulate him and everyone around us ? Manipulation , stop it , sister . We need to stop it Seriously .

We need to stop trying and start trusting . We don't want more of the same . We don't want to remain in the circumstances of our single situation .

We don't want to be alone with the wrong guy , because , let me tell you , you will end up with the wrong guy If your mind is so focused on getting out of a situation that you are willing to manipulate yourself because , listen , that is who you are ultimately manipulating and , well , truth be told , your kids too , because they are a part of your package deal .

Is that situation going to be any better than the one you find yourself in now ? My guess is that you already know the answer to that question . So are you willing to walk his way ? Are you willing to stay uncomfortable ? Are you willing to let him lead you instead of you continuing to mislead you ? If you are listening , say amen .

Now , listen , I got a secret for you . He loves you more than you love you . You know how I know that , because he would never manipulate you . He loves you too much and , listen , he's not going to leave you on the shelf . You are enough , and he wants you to know that you are enough .

And , by the way , there are enough single Christian guys out there for you . You have plenty of time so you could put away the stopwatch and you can be alone . And God is right there with you in the alone . You see , it's your choice .

If you want to continue manipulating , he's not going to stop you , but he will be there for you when that doesn't work out for you . He did it for the protocol and he will do it for you . Although and this is big although there may be some consequences , he will let you experience from choosing to go it alone . He loves you . I can attest to that one .

That's why I can be so to the point when I am making a point . You don't want to really manipulate to find love . It's not what you're going to find anyways . You don't want to really manipulate to fix your finances . You'll just find yourself in another fiasco .

You don't want to manipulate him to care for your kids because , girl , he doesn't really care about your kids . And again , this message goes both ways . If you're a guy listening I am not bashing you you don't really want a man to do what only God can do for you . You want something different . You have to be something different . You want something better .

You have to be the best version of your broken self . That's how you piece the broken pieces of yourself together Through Christ . That's how you get out of the crisis and get on into the life he has waiting for you . That's how you start loving your life and not manipulating it to find the love of your life .

Jesus should be the love of your life and in time , girl , yes , he will lead you to a love who will be a part of your life . So , manipulation , stop it .

Have you made a fitness resolution this new year ? So how is that shaping up for you ? Did you know that being quote unquote bent out of shape , aka not forgiving can affect the fitness level of your mental health ? Oh , yes , it can . So I got a little workout for you . Join me and a few of my friends on Tuesday , february 13 .

For our next , it's sing-a-mall thing class , as we work out what isn't working for you , letting go of some baggage and extending some forgiveness . Now , this is a class that you're not going to want to miss , as it's led by RMHC counselor Seth Hooper of Good Sense Counseling To save your seat .