Goals Without the Guilt: A Single Mom's Guide to Crushing Resolutions

We are the most successful , longest running , faith-filled podcast for single moms , now in our fifth season , thanks to you . So listen , don't keep us a secret . You need to share us with a solo sister that you know who needs a little additional support . Now let's get on to our show . Let me ask you something . Now let's get on to our show .

Let me ask you something . Have you ever started and my guess is yes a resolution like saving more money , getting healthier or even being nicer to yourself , only to throw in the towel a few weeks later , when life as a single mom got overwhelming ? Maybe you felt the guilt of not sticking to a goal because everything else in life demanded your attention .

Sound familiar ? Well , today's episode , then , is for you , girl . We're diving into the deep end of the pool head first , into how to crush your goals without the guilt , turning those New Year's resolutions into real life solutions that actually work for your life .

Ladies , you know , as we have talked about this before , if you want something different , you have to do something different . This year , I'm going to keep you on track to your single mom success . So grab your Thriving 25 journal and let's get started Redefining success . Small wins , bigger changes .

So , ladies , let's start by first redefining success , putting it into practical terms for your life as a single mama . Now , like I said , get your Thriving 25 Journals out . If you've missed last week's episode , ladies , I would encourage you to start there . Then come back to this episode to catch up .

So , in thinking of success , it doesn't have to look like perfection and it certainly doesn't have to mirror anyone else's journey , especially a mama who has a spouse .

For a single mom , success might mean having dinner on the table and your kids in bed on time , your kids helping I don't know you clear the dinner table , finding five minutes to sit with a cup of coffee in peace , ten minutes to prepare a grocery list , or get this even 30 minutes to pair that with a weekly meal plan .

It's about creating simple systems that simplify your life while finding moments that bring joy , no matter how small . It doesn't take much to make a single mama happy , right ? So here's my pro tip for you as you start this journey don't fall into the trap of comparison .

In my experience , I have found that society often tells us that success is about climbing the career ladder or having a picture-perfect family or figure , or what about reaching financial milestones . But let's get real . For single moms , success is deeply personal , am I right ? Let's use my life for example For me .

I had to climb off that career ladder as I chose to be a present parent . When I became a single parent , putting my son's priorities , my family and not my career aspirations ahead of us , I simply put those on pause .

So for me to be home for my boy well , that meant that I had to look for jobs that afforded me that opportunity , but , if I'm honest , it didn't always pay the highest wage . But time with my son well , that was priceless , no matter the cost . So listen , girl , give yourself grace with this .

It's about personal progress over perfection and learning to celebrate the little wins that build momentum for bigger , lasting , impactful changes for you and your family . So let's do this . Take a moment and ask yourself what does success look like for me in this season of life .

Now , listen , I want you to keep this in the back of your mind and remember that I said in this season of life , not the season of life when you were without child , or even maybe when you had a spouse or a partner .

This is a solo season of life that I'm talking about , so maybe it's spending more quality time with the kids or taking steps towards financial stability . Whatever that is , I want you to write it down in your journal and own it . Your definition of success is the only one that matters .

Now , once you've redefined your success in your journal , create another page and title it . I don't know . My Success Snapshot . You got it . Okay . Now I want you to write down three things that make you feel successful right now , no matter how small or silly they seem .

Maybe it's managing to pay the bills this month , flossing your teeth , taking a shower today , getting your kids to school on time , starting off your day without rushing or even yelling at your kids , or maybe even not doing a drive-thru dinner tonight . These are your wins , and listen , girl , they matter .

From resolution to single solutions Okay , you've lived on this planet for a while , so you are no stranger to resolutions , but how about single mama solutions ? Let's talk about the big reason why New Year's resolutions often fail . That's well , because they're temporary fixes to your fixes .

You see , we promise ourselves that we'll eat healthier , save more money or exercise every day , but then life happens and those goals , yeah , they fade away . You see , in that moment , we get so focused on the feeling and the fix it gives us in that moment that we never make them the new standard we decree to live by .

So listen , what if we stop thinking about our resolutions as short term challenges and maybe instead saw them as long term , single solutions for our lives ? Maybe we'd stick to it .

Maybe we'd stick to it Like , instead of thinking as I don't know , you've heard this before a diet which has the root word die in it , let's think of these as lifestyle changes , right ? So let's start with a reframe goal . Okay , for example , instead of setting a goal like I want to lose weight , think about the deeper purpose behind it .

What problem are you trying to solve ? Maybe you want to feel healthier ? Your complexion , you want your complexion to be brighter . You want to eat cleaner , reduce inflammation , maybe even change the way you eat so you have more energy to keep up with your kids or even feel more confident in your skin .

By focusing on the why , you can turn a resolution into a single solution that truly fits your life . So write it down . What is my why ? Listen , and this is where I really want you to focus . When you know the why behind something , you make that your new standard for your life .

So when it gets hard or you want to quit , or listen to what , and when all the why nots want to show up , you can remind yourself well , what's my why ? Then my guess is you will want to win at all costs . When you know your why and here's what I mean that by that . Going back to me , for example , getting down off that career ladder .

When it came to times that my son wanted to do things that were outside of my budget which would lead to single mom guilt , if I let it I'd ask myself well , what's my why ? Why did I put myself on this tight budget and why did I choose to step off the career ladder ? Oh yeah , my why was being a present parent at all cost .

You see , I didn't want someone else raising my kid . I didn't want him at home alone either , nor in extended daycare while I focused on climbing a career ladder in extended daycare . While I focused on climbing a career ladder let's be honest , though , that would have had my income climb , but at what price ?

So instead , my single solution was to look for free and fun events in my area that I planned on the weekends ahead of time of when I had him and I would pack our lunches and off we'd go . But it was definitely free and it had to be fun .

So , listen , your why has to be big enough , impactful enough , so when the why nots come for you , you don't let them in . Instead , you remind yourself why you closed the door on those opportunities . So let's get practical here and turn a resolution into a single solution . Right here . Resolution let's say you have a resolution of I want to save more money .

Well , that's a really broad general goal that your brain can't follow . But if you adapted that to a single solution , like , I'll create a meal plan every Sunday so I stop overspending on takeout during the week . The single solution well , that is actionable and it's actually sustainable . It solves the problem instead of just scratching the surface .

It's something that you can actually see . It's a stepping stone that you , my friend , put down on your path to single success . Now listen , single solutions . They aren't about perfection , so you're going to have to throw that one out the window . They're about creating small , simple , sustainable habits that grow over time .

Think of it like planting seeds Each small step you take becomes part of a bigger , more fulfilling lifestyle . That happens over time . So in your Thrive in 25 journal , I want you to create another page titled Resolutions to Single Solutions .

Okay , you're with me Now write down one resolution that you've made in the past and ask yourself what problem was I trying to solve ? Then rewrite it as a single solution that feels actionable and realistic for you right now in your life . Remember , it's going to be about progress and not perfection , so don't be so critical here .

So , as your success , it's important . Please take a moment and pause and really think about this and then come back . I'll be right here waiting for you , setting realistic and flexible goals that bend with you . Let's face it life as a single mom is anything but predictable that we can predict .

That's why setting rigid goals well , they can sometimes feel like setting yourself up for failure . They're not flexible . Instead , let's talk about creating realistic , flexible goals that adjust with your season of life , so you're not constantly battling guilt or feeling overwhelmed . You ready , okay ? So we're going to introduce what I'm calling the SMART .

So let's do something smart . Okay , seriously , I hope you got your pen in handy and you're going to write this acronym down in your journal SMART S-M-A-R-T . The S is for specific , m is measurable , a is achievable , r is relevant and T is time bound . Now think about your goals like a GPS on your path to success .

If you don't have a specific direction , you'll never reach your destination . A smart goal that's going to give you clarity and that makes your goal feel less like a pipe dream and more like a plan , but a plan that is actually actionable because you can see the steps .

For example , instead of saying I wanna be more organized , try , I will spend 15 minutes every evening prepping for the next day . Now for you , I don't know . What does that look like ?

Is that maybe having the lunches pre-made coffee , pre-programmed clothes picked out for the next day , backpacks at the front door with all the homework assignments checked , dinner thawing in the fridge ? I don't know . Ladies , you know what prep to do to give your tomorrow some pep in the right step . So think about that .

And here's why flexibility is key , as your goals will bend with you . As a single mom , you know . We know that life can throw us curveballs out of nowhere A sick kid , an unexpected expense like going to the doctor and now having to pay for medicine , or even just an exhausting day that can derail the best laid plans .

I know you've been there and that's okay . Flexibility , see , that's going to give us some grace to adjust our goals without feeling like we failed , and that , my dear , also gives you grit . So here's a quick journal exercise . And listen , I know I'm giving you quite the workout here , so I appreciate your flexibility .

So , on this page , I want you to title this my Flexible Goals Plan , and I want you to do this . I want you to write down one long term goal you have for this year , for example , like saving $1,000 for an emergency fund . Now step two . I want you to break that down into smaller , flexible steps , like save $20 each week .

Add a backup plan , because you know life happens when things don't go as expected , and that can say if I can't save one week , I will double up the next week . See , you have to remember here and this is where grace is going to be so important . You need to remember that progress is progress , no matter how small it may seem .

The key here is to keep moving forward , even if the pace changes along the way , also being mindful to celebrate your failures , as we discussed last week , as your success . It's near Small wins , big changes , practical resolutions , slash solutions for single moms Now here's where we're going to get a little practical for single moms .

Now here's where we're going to get a little practical . What are some resolutions or solutions that can make your life as a single mom easier , more joyful and more manageable ? I have a few ideas of my own , from my own experience . Number one , may I suggest streamline your finances . The resolution could be create a weekly budget and stick to it .

In fact , have fun with it . If you are a competitive person like me , I like to use this as a self-challenge to see if I could actually do it . When I go to the grocery store , knowing how much money I have planned to spend , I get excited to see if , how good I can get at doing just that .

So when I come home , I look at my budget and we compare it to my receipt and I would see where either I save some Benjamins or needed to reallocate some . I prefer for me and this is just a pro tip a digital version like Google Sheets or Excel , because it's easily accessible and it does the math for me . So that was one long-winded resolution .

So here's the solution Set up automatic savings transfers or try a budgeting tool like Mint or EveryDollar . I will have that link in the show notes . Number two prioritize self-care . Here's the resolution . Take 10 minutes a day to recharge . That was the resolution , but here's the solution .

Whether it's a walk , journaling , breath work or even a cup of tea , make it a non-negotiable part of your day and remember your why . Number three how about do you have a goal as declutter your home ?

Well , maybe your resolution was like organize one area of your home each month , but here's a solution Break it into small tasks , like a drawer or a closet , to avoid overwhelm and feelings of having to do it all in one day . Number four strengthen your faith .

Your resolution might have been to start each morning with five minutes of prayer or scripture reading , but here's a solution Use a devotional app or keep your Bible right there in your nightstand for easy access .

Consider downloading the Pause app , which , again , I will have in the link in the show notes which offers a one minute yes , I said one minute guided pause with God daily . It's about building your spiritual stillness muscle to sit quietly and connect with him . How about number five ? Do you have one that says build your support network ?

Your resolution might have sounded like connect with one single mom or community group this month , but here's a solution Join a local single mom support group . I know of one . Stay tuned to the end of the podcast for more information , or start by reaching out to a friend . Remember this is support , so there are sisters .

They have to be sisters that are going to hold you up , not hold you down . Number six learn a new skill . The resolution may have sounded like take one free online course this year , but the solution platforms like Coursera , linkedin Learning or YouTube are great for affordable learning and I will have those links in the show notes . Overcoming guilt and pressure .

So let's ditch the guilt that comes with feeling like we're not doing enough . Your resolution should serve you , not the other way around . So here are some declarations for a guilt-free mindset and again you may need to pause and come back to these . Number one I'm doing the best I can and that's more than enough .

Number two God's got my back so I can give myself grace where I fall short . Three progress , not perfection , is what matters , and I'm moving forward one step at a time . Number four I choose to speak life over myself and my situation because God's promises are bigger than my problems .

Number five guilt has no room in my heart , only faith , strength and the joy of God's love . Now for my sisters that like a little scripture . Here's a little sassy twist with Sherry . Philippians 4.13 says I can do all things through Christ , who strengthens me , said Sherry , mama , you're unstoppable because Christ has your back .

So toss that guilt and own your strength . Number two how about Isaiah 40.31 ? But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength . They will soar on wings like eagles . They will run and not grow weary . They will walk and not be faint . A sassy Sherry twist to that is girl , you're an eagle , not a chicken . Hope in the Lord and keep soaring .

Romans 8 , 1 . Therefore , there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ . Said differently with Sherry no guilt , no shame , just grace . You're rocking this single mom . Life under God's love . Just thought we'd have a little fun there with scripture as well . Accountability without overwhelm .

Now , this is going to be important because , listen , your success is going to be important and accountability is going to be a big key to that . Now , accountability doesn't mean pressure . It does mean support , just that . So you want to find someone who will cheer you on , not judge you .

A sister , maybe , who has walked the season as a solo mama , maybe a few steps ahead of you or even alongside you right now , a confidant that you can confide in , who will not always tell you what you want to hear , but what you need to hear .

A sister or a mentor who can sit down with you and that you can share your solutions for the year with , who can check on you to see how you're doing and even remind you of your why . A sister who will pray for you in this single season of life , pray for your transformation and your single success .

A sister , when you are overwhelmed , will overwhelm you with her love in return . Interactive journal exercise . So we are gonna turn some resolutions into solutions and this is where we're going to close . So I'm gonna leave you with some homework and this is a little interactive journal exercise of turning our resolutions into solutions .

So , warning , you may need to stop and pause this podcast to get it on paper , but for your ease , I will also include it as a link in the it's a Single Mom Thing Facebook group , where I will post a podcast episode post . Ah , you're not a part of that group ?

Well , be sure to check out my show notes , as I will give you a link on how to subscribe . So step number one we're going to reflect on the past and we're going to take five minutes here . Title a journal page called Lessons from Last Year . And then what I want you to do is write down what worked well last year .

For example , I started a meal prepping plan and it saved me time . What didn't work ? Example I joined the gym but stopped going after February . What made me feel most fulfilled , for example , was it spending quality time with my kids ? Then number two .

Step number two I want you to identify a resolution and turn it into a solution , and you want to take about 10 minutes here . Title a new page in your journal called my Solution for Thrive in 25 . And think of one resolution you've had in the past . For example , was it losing weight , saving money or being more organized ?

Now ask yourself what problem does this resolution solve in my life ? For example , losing weight gives me more energy to play with my kids . And then I want you to think about how can I make this resolution a lifestyle solution instead of a one-time goal , for example . Solution instead of a one-time goal .

For example , instead of focusing on weight loss , I'll commit to taking a 15-minute walk every evening with my kids . Number three you're going to create a mini action plan and you want to spend maybe just about five minutes here .

On the same page , jot down one small , actionable step you can take this week , for example , putting sneakers by the door to remind yourself to take a walk after dinner . Remember , it's about keeping it simple here . Step four speak life into your goals and , again , just take five minutes .

This is five minutes of your time and on a new page in your journal , right at the top , words of life for my solution . Then write down a positive affirmation , declaration or prayer to encourage yourself . For example , it could say something like I'm capable of making small changes that lead to big results .

Or God guide me as I make choices that bring joy and balance to my life . Step five track your progress , and this is going to be ongoing , so you're going to want to create a section in your journal for the wins of the week and that's what you want to title it Each week .

Get excited and write down one success , no matter how small , related to your solution . It could be . I don't know , I walked three times this week . So , as I close , I'm going to ask you , ladies , can we make a new year , single solution this year ?

Let's make this year the year that we stop starting and stopping resolutions and instead focus on solutions that truly transform our lives , small steps that lead into big changes . And remember we've got this . Remember it's not about perfection .

It's about showing up for yourself and your family , and here's some ways that you could do that right now , and I've included the links and what I'm calling the tool chest in our show notes .

You can join our private it's a Single Mom Thing Facebook group where I will share weekly Monday Mindsets and Thursday Think Through it posts to keep you inspired and grounded . If you live in the Tampa Bay area , you can check out our it's a Single Mom Thing class that meets the second and fourth Tuesday of each month .

Visit shepherdsvillagecom forward slash classes to view our year-long class schedule and to see the road to success that we are paving for you . Never miss an episode . Subscribe on Apple Podcasts , iheartradio or Spotify , and if you love this podcast , please leave a review on Apple Podcasts . It certainly helps us reach more single moms just like you .

And don't forget to check out the Pause app , a quick and powerful way to take a one-minute guided pause with God . It's an incredible tool to help you build your spiritual stillness muscle and find peace in your day . Have a wonderful week and remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you . Thanks for listening to .

It's a Single Mom Thing . I hope you enjoyed our time together . If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer , visit us at wwwshepherdsvillagecom . Backslash prayer . For more information and resources , check out our show notes .