Finding Joy: When Love Looks Different

Well , love doesn't always look like we thought it would . Love doesn't always look like we thought it would . Whether you're newly single , divorced , healing or just tired of waiting , this season can bring up all kinds of emotions . But here's the good news Just because love looks different doesn't mean it's gone .

Love is still here , and today we're going to talk about how to see it , embrace it and walk confidently in it . So here's what you can expect today We'll name the hard stuff , because , listen , pretending doesn't help . We'll reframe what love actually is Hint , it's not just about romance .

And we'll play a little game of red flag or green flag , because , listen , dating today can be wild and we need to talk about it . And then , finally , we'll wrap up with a powerful shift in how we can experience love moving forward . So grab your coffee , put in your earbuds or keep driving that minivan .

We're about to dig in deep girl what we're feeling when love doesn't look like you expected . So let's be real . Nobody enters into a relationship thinking , oh I hope this crashes and burns .

I mean , I certainly don't remember divorce being something I said I do to when I stood at the altar , nor the woman listening who said in sickness and health and then it took her loved one away too soon . How we got there is different for each of us , but we do share these common feelings when love looks different .

Grief I thought we'd grow old together , but now I'm here and he's not . Loneliness Everyone else seems to have someone , but what about me ? Frustration I did the work , I gave my best and now I have to start over . Comparison it just feels like everyone on my feed is getting engaged or celebrating anniversaries or temptation to settle .

Maybe he's not perfect , but at least I won't be alone . Do you find yourself saying one of these things as Valentine's Day approaches ? Here's the reality check . One , being single is better than being in the wrong relationship . I mean , we are single parents and in most cases that process of how we got there to be a single parent was painful .

Just saying do you really want to go through that all over again now with someone who isn't even your kiddo's father . Two there's no love more damaging than the kind you force yourself into just to avoid being alone . You see , if the door is shut , don't waste your time and those pretty fingernails trying to open a door that was meant to remain closed .

Three , and this is the best reality check God's love never leaves even when people do so . Here's a little scripture drop for you Romans 8 , 38 through 39 , and I'm going to paraphrase this Nothing can separate us from the love of God . Psalms 34 , 18, . God is close to the brokenhearted Ladies .

You are deeply loved , not just someday when the right person comes along , but right now , today , in this very moment , as we speak with one another , as we go through this podcast . Listen , we will discover and uncover , maybe in ways you have forgotten , that you are loved or can even experience love .

But before we do , I want us to have a little fun together and do something I've never done before on this podcast , and that's play a game with you called red flag or green flag . It's a dating game . I'll throw out a dating scenario and then you decide in your head or out loud in your car Is this a red flag or a green flag ?

Is this a red flag or a green flag ? Now , listen , I want you to have some fun with this , to the point that the person in the car next to you has some serious questions . So here's the first set of scenarios in texting and communication . He only texts quote WYD , end quote late at night and never makes real plans .

Okay , I did say that we were going to have a little bit of fun here , so stick with me . Okay , number two he texts you good morning and good night every day , but hasn't taken you on an actual date . Oh , that's a red flag . And number three he responds consistently and communicates clearly , without making you guess where you stand .

Yeah , that boy needs to get a hand clap . Okay , our next set of scenarios and faith and values . He says he believes in God but doesn't think church is necessary . Oh , you need to throw baby out with the bathwater right there . That's a total red flag . He prays with you before meals and talks about his relationship with God . Oh , yes , that's a green .

That's a go . He asked you to go to church before he asked you to Netflix and chill . Okay , wait a minute . He said what he asked you to go to church before he asked you to Netflix and chill . Okay , wait a minute . He said what he asked you to go to church before he asked you to Netflix and chill .

He better not be asking you to Netflix and chill either . So I'm going to say that's a red . Okay , that boo was , because what he was talking about is a total boo . Okay , next section kids and family . He tells you he wants to wait before meeting your kids and respects your decisions to take things slow . Oh , yes , you get a green , go .

He never introduces you to his friends and has no interest in meeting yours . Oh , you can take that red and go . He introduces you to his kids on the second date . Uh , no Red flag . Okay , here's where it's going to get a little hot and steamy here . Yes , we're going to go to sex , intimacy and commitment scenarios .

He makes sexual jokes early on , even after you expressed you're not comfortable with it . Oh , that's a red flag . He says let's take things slow , baby . But after six months he still won't call you his girlfriend . Oh , you got to go to . That's a red flag . I hope you , girl , you're going to kick that boy out the door . Let's see .

He openly talks about waiting for sex until marriage and respects your stance on intimacy . Well , that's a green light . And where do we find one of those kind of guys ? That's a green flag , not a green light . Okay . Next scenario control and manipulation . He tells you baby , I just don't want to see you get hurt .

But starts isolating you from your friends and family . Red flag he gets mad if you have guy friends , but he , he has plenty of female friends for himself . Red flag he guilt trips you for having standards and says you're too picky , that's why you're single . Oh , you're lucky if that's . All you get is a red flag from me .

So listen , ladies , I hope you had some fun . You did a great job . You did a great job . So here's a few takeaways that you can take with you . Some red flags are obvious , but some they're just sneaky . You need to trust your gut , A good man . He will bring peace , not confusion , and you should have faith , not fear , when you're dating a man .

Now , if you got a little check in your spirit about someone you are dating who is seriously waving a lot of red flags , even though it's painful , you may want to move on from this partner or at least , at the very least girl , talk to someone about these red flags whom you trust . Again , this statement bears repeating .

Being single is better than being in the wrong relationship and possibly keeping you from the right one , Embracing love in a new way . If love is more than romance , where else is it showing up in your life and how can you simply love it ? So let's look around . Number one you'll find love in your kids .

So maybe this Valentine's Day you can plan a special outing , write them notes , make them their favorite meal , create a new tradition or do something they love to do or something so unexpected . You'll find love in your friendships .

So , girls , schedule some time with your friends who pour into you Breakfast , lunch or tea time , Watch a funny flick , catch a sunset or pop some tags at the thrift store . Number three the greatest love , and that's your love for God .

Spend time in prayer , Listen for his voice , Lean into his love , Start a new Bible study , Write in your Thriving 25 journal insight he gives you in quiet time together , Look for him in nature . He is all around you , girl , and get down to a worship song . Number four , and here's one that often gets overlooked , and that's simply love for yourself .

What if you took yourself on a date , set some boundaries or even spoke life over yourself ? And number four and I'm going to throw this one in love for a new experience . Try something you've always wanted to do . You see , love doesn't have to come in the way of the form of a person , it can come from an experience . Take that pottery class .

Book the solo weekend trip , train for the 5k . Start that side hustle or creative project you've always wanted to do . Go to a concert , try a new restaurant , or explore a hobby that simply just brings you joy . So do something you always wanted to do or said you would do and you didn't .

Even if you do it , scared girl , you're doing it with him , meaning Jesus . So here's my challenge to you . I want you to think about this . So what would it feel like if you started living like you're already deeply loved Because you are Got it ? So what would that feeling look like on you ? Would it say content , confident , peace , trust or even joy ?

Would you stand up straighter , Talk to people you normally wouldn't talk to ? Would you take more risk , Laugh with your kids more , Look people in the eye or even smile at a stranger ? And here's what's strange when you find love and people and places and experiences , you actually begin to start loving your life , even as a single parent .

And here is my best guess . And that's when you learn to love yourself right where you are . Here is my best guess . And that's when you learn to love yourself right where you are , Either the right guy comes along or you may even forget about finding a guy because you're having fun finding yourself .

And here's another scripture drop for you , and that's Isaiah 43 , 4 . You are precious and honored in my sight and I love you . As I close , here are a few final thoughts of encouragement to take into your week and rock out this Valentine's Day and , well , every day . Number one love isn't just coming , it's already here .

Two God's love is constant and you are already enough , is constant and you are already enough . And three no more settling . No more second guessing your worth Dust settles , you don't . So here is my CTA to you and that's call to action . Number one it's a journal challenge .

So get that Thriving 25 journal out and write down three ways love is already showing up in your life today and I want you to thank God for each and every one of them . Number two tag you are it . Tag me at at SV-Moms on Insta or , if you're on the it's a Single Mom Thing private Facebook group , and share your biggest takeaway from this episode .

And three I want you to share this episode . Listen , if this episode has encouraged you , you need to send it to another single mom who needs it before this Valentine's Day . Okay , so , mama , be gone and be done with the Valentine's Day blue for this girl knows what to do , she experiences and finds her joy even when love looks differently .

Have a wonderful week and a happy Galentine's Day , remembering it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you .