Dating for Dollars: Why A Man Is Not A Single Mom's Financial Plan

Now , if your budget had a relationship status , if your budget had a relationship status , would it say ? Thriving and independent ? Or praying for a man with a 401k ? Listen , we've all had those late night thoughts oh , life would just be so much easier if I just had a man to help with these bills .

But today we're flipping that script and calling out the lie that your financial freedom depends on finding Mr Deep Pockets or Mr Sugar Daddy to pay your way . Because , let's be clear , this isn't about selling yourself , it's about not selling yourself short .

You see , if you've ever been tempted to believe that financial stability comes in the form of a man , girl , I have got some truth and tough love for you today , coming from my own experience , of course , because , listen , the real provider . He doesn't drive a Tesla , he walks on water .

So grab your journal , get your coffee and let's get into why a man is not your financial plan and how you can start securing your own financial bag with faith , wisdom and fierce independence . Welcome back to another episode of it's a Single Mom Thing the real cost of relying on a man for financial stability . Mama , let's have a moment of truth .

What's the price tag on handing over your financial future to a man ? Because I hate to break it to you , but if your security is tied to someone else's paycheck , you're walking a financial tightrope with no safety net . And , girl , we are not here to play financial gymnastics .

So here's the truth on the receipts that don't lie what it costs you when you don't secure the financial bag yourself . Now I know what you're thinking , but , sherry , listen , having a man to help with the bills doesn't sound like such a bad idea , and you're right .

I mean , it's not if you're both coming in , as God's designed married partners and not providers . But let's talk about what happens when you depend on a relationship for , let's say , your rent , your groceries or Lord help you your car . Note Fact check Single moms .

Listen , single moms are twice as likely to live in poverty , that's 28% , compared to single fathers . Now here's another fact check the median income median , not medium , income for single mom households is a measly $39,120 . A measly $39,120 . While married couples , yeah , they are banking and bringing in $125,980 . Jeez , translation .

If your financial future is riding shotgun in someone else's car , you better hope he doesn't decide to change directions , because where does that leave you and your family ? And before you say , well , I only date a man who's generous and successful , honey , let me introduce you to two characters we all know so well Mr Sugar Daddy and Mr Deep Pockets .

First , let's meet Mr Sugar Daddy . Mr Sugar Daddy well , he's always ready to pick up the bill , spoil you with gifts and make you feel like a queen , until the fine print kicks in and you realize that free money comes with strings , control and expectations . Ain't no such thing as free lunch , mama and sugar daddy ? Yeah , he always expects dessert .

Let's move on to Mr Deep Pockets . Oh yeah , he's successful , stable and seems like the dream . But let's be real . If your financial security is in his name , if your financial security is in his name , he holds the power , and power in the wrong hands . Well , that's a dangerous place for a single mom and her kiddos to be .

You see , because deep pockets doesn't always mean deep character . Make sure his pockets aren't the only thing holding value in that relationship , just saying because it comes with a cost . And here's what that is . It's an emotional price tag of financial dependency . You see , money isn't just about numbers , it's about power .

And when you let someone else hold the wallet , yeah , girl , they might also start controlling the decisions . Now , I'm not saying all men with money are controlling , but let's be honest , some of y'all have already learned this lesson the hard way , and I am nodding my head in agreement .

So here's price tag number one you can't make independent choices when someone else is paying the bills . You see , if your financial survival depends on someone staying in your life , you , girl , just might overlook the red flags just to keep the lights on Sis and listen . The cost of a free ride might just be your freedom . Price tag number two breakups .

They shouldn't mean evictions If things go south . Do you have enough in your savings to stand on your own two feet ? You see , because the only least you should be worried about is the one that's in your name . And number three is the one that's in your name . And number three your kids . Yeah , they are watching .

So what message are we sending our children about ? Who provides for them ? Now hear me out . Listen . If we teach our daughters to depend on a man for money , we're setting them up for the same cycle that we are on . And , on the contrary , if we teach our sons that women are to be taken care of , we're setting them up for the wrong expectations too .

Now , if you're sitting there and you're thinking who peed in Sherry's Cheerios this morning , I want to clarify that all of this is out of love . So hear me out . I am going hard in the paint because I want to clarify that all of this is out of love . So hear me out .

I am going hard in the paint because I want to save you another heartache and I want you to be the savior of your savings account . So listen , ladies your financial future , it is way too valuable to put in someone else's hands .

It's time to take the driver's seat in your life , your bank account and your future , because the only person who should be providing for you besides God , yeah is you . So now let's talk about how to make that happen , because it is possible . Now for my mamas we're going to segue for a second For my mamas who had their babies out of wedlock .

You need to lock this point in . You see , if you had kids together , plan together . So now let me hit pause on the dating talk for a second , because this isn't just about romantic relationships . If you had kids out of wedlock , listen up . Whether or not your relationship with your child's father is sunshine and rainbows or a full-blown hurricane .

You need a financial plan . And here's why . Because , number one , raising a child isn't just emotionally taxing , it's financially demanding . If the two of you don't figure out a plan , one of you is going to be left carrying all the weight . Let me ask you do you have some extra pounds that you're carrying right now ?

Number two child support expenses , education these need to be discussed . Child support expenses , education these need to be discussed . If you leave these conversations for the courts , you may end up with less than what's needed to raise your child properly . And number three avoid the . Yeah , I got this trap , because , listen , I see it all the time .

Too many single moms avoid these discussions because they don't want conflict , and I get that . But listen , but avoiding financial conversations , that doesn't make the bills disappear , does it , mama ? If you're raising kids together , even apart , you've got to make a plan , because not having one doesn't just leave you struggling , it leaves your kids struggling too .

So what's a single mom to do ? Well , listen , now it's time to get that journal out , because we're going to flip the script on this . Okay , I want you to write down three ways that relying on a man for financial security could hold you back from reaching your full potential . Now , take your time . It's your dime .

We're talking about spending here , not his , Because , as I said before , the only person who should be providing for you besides God is you Talking .

Point number two , mr Right , comes when things are right with you All right , now that we've gotten the real about what happens when you rely on the wrong provider , let's talk about what happens when you become the provider of your own peace , your own security and your own stability . Because , mama , here's the truth , mr Right .

Yeah , he won't fix your life , but when your life is right , ooh , the right partner will fit right in Preaching to the choir here . So let's have something to sing about . So why you attract what you are , not just what you want ? You see , if you want stability , you have to be stable first .

If you want a man of faith , you have to be a woman of faith first , and I've said this before your vibe attracts your tribe , and that , my dear , includes your future husband Redefining provision . God's got your back . So now , in Matthew , chapter six , 31 through 33 in the NIV , we're gonna go all Bible here . So listen .

It says so do not worry , saying what shall we eat or what shall we drink , or what shall we wear ? For the pagans run after all these things , and your heavenly father , he knows that you need them , but seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you . You see , god knows what you need and he does provide .

So let's flip the script and we're going to say that sassy , sherry way , and that is faith over fear . You see , you don't need to have a man to save , you need God to sustain you . Here's something else to focus on Financial wisdom equals relationship wisdom . You see a strong woman . She chooses a partner , not a provider .

And when you handle your own business , you'll never have to settle for someone handling you . So got that journal there , keep it handy . So in that journal , I want to get raw and real with yourself , because I'm guessing , like me , you want , mr Real Deal and not a real dud stud . So I want you to write in this journal .

I want you to think about what are the areas of your life that you need to strengthen before you're ready for a relationship , and be honest with yourself . Talking point number three and this is where we'll close Build your financial foundation on his foundation . So listen , mamas .

We've talked about what happens when you rely on the wrong provider and we've talked about how Mr Right comes when things are right with you . Now let's talk about how to make sure your financial future is solid , whether you have a man in your life or not , because , let's be real bills don't care about your relationship status .

Where your attention goes , spirit flows . Now , before we dive in , let's take a quick pause . If you missed last week's episode titled Budget Like a Queen Single Mom Hacks for Financial Freedom girl , you need to go back and listen . In that episode we hit hard on practical budgeting side hustles , money mindsets and getting your financial house in order .

But today we're going to zoom out a bit , because financial stability isn't just about dollars . It's about a foundation and your firm foundation that firms up your bottom line and that starts with your faith .

You see , many of times , as a single mom , I felt I lived on the corner of rock and a hard place , but never did I go without my rock , because he always provided for all of my family needs . Now , listen , it may not have been what we wanted , but it was definitely what we needed .

So , number one I want you to focus on your faith being your firm foundation , meaning , build your house on rock , not sand .

And I'm going to go to a Bible verse found in Matthew , chapter seven , verse 24 through 25 in the NIV , that says therefore , everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock .

The rain came down , the streams rose and the winds blew and beat against that house , yet it did not fall because it had its foundation on the rock . Build your house , ladies , on the rock , not the sand .

Here's something else I want you to focus on Faith is your financial filter , meaning when you trust God as your provider decisions , they just somehow become clearer . A solid budget , it's great , don't get me wrong . But if your financial mindset isn't anchored in faith , your stability is built on shaky ground .

Number two stewardship over stress , managing what God has given you . You see , you want to shift from scarcity mindset to stewardship , instead of saying things like I don't have enough shift to God . How do you want me to use what I have ?

You see , everything belongs to him and when we see our resources as God's , we're more intentional with them At least we should be . You see , your money just isn't yours . It's a tool that God gave you to use wisely and listen . When you manage what he's given , he will entrust you with more . Number three kingdom economics is greater than world economics .

Meaning God's math . Well , it's a little different . The world says that more work equals more money , but , on the contrary , in the kingdom it says obedience . This is his economy . Obedience , it equals abundance , meaning giving multiplies , not subtracts . You see , tithing and generosity , yeah , they open doors . That side hustles alone they cannot .

Trusting God with your finances isn't just a feel-good move , girl , it is a total power , like a boss move . And so , for our last journal prompt , I want you to spend time in prayer asking God where am I placing my financial trust ? Is it in my job , my side hustle , or is it in you , father ?

How can I realign my financial decisions with my faith and your plans for my life , father ? So , as I close , let's do a quick recap and some final thoughts . So , number one going forward , we are going to stop looking to a man for a financial stability plan and we're going to build our own foundation .

Number two our faith is going to be the ultimate financial filter , as God is our provider . Number three we are going to steward what God has already given us and we're going to watch him multiply it . And number four , kingdom economics , we are going to remember , is always greater than world economics , for we know , obedience leads to abundance .

Mama , your financial success , it isn't about what's in your bank account , it's about what's in your heart . Build on your faith , steward it well and trust God's plans for your provision , because when your foundation is solid , everything will fall into place . And let's be clear financial security isn't about finding a man who can afford you .

It's about becoming the woman who knows her worth , trusting God's provision and walks in confidence , whether she's got two incomes in the house or just her own , because when you're secure in him , no storm can shake you . Do you love this podcast and never want to miss an episode ?

Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts , spotify or iHeartRadio and share this episode with a fellow mom who needs this reminder that she's got this . If you're ready to dive deeper in these topics with a group of supportive single moms and you live in the Tampa Bay area ? I have some exciting opportunities for you . It's a Single Mom Thing Class .

Join me Tuesday , february 11th , as we unpack Valentine's day blues finding joy when love looks different . For more information and inspiration , visit shepherdsvillagecom . Forward slash classes . Need prayer . If you want to pray about your finances with someone , call our 24 hour prayer line at 855-822-PRAY . And they're back and bringing the heat .

A big Pickleball Paddle clap to West Shore Services Florida HVAC for returning as our title sponsor for the Raisin Rally Pickleball Tournament . They know how to keep things cool when it matters . But on March 29th they're turning up the heat on the competition . Are you , girl , ready to serve up some fun for a great cause ?

Sign up now and let's dink , drop and dominate together . Visit shepherdsvillagecom . Forward slash pickleball to register . Have a wonderful week and remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you . Thanks for listening to . It's a Single Mom Thing . I hope you enjoyed our time together .

If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer , visit us at wwwshepherdsvillagecom backslash prayer . For more information and resources . Check out our show notes .