Al Zone Media.
This is it could happen here a daily podcast and this might be our annual oh my God episode, and we have Robert and Garet and I am also here Sophie high Garrett.
We've been chasing the high of the come episode for more than a year, so let's let's try this.
Yeah, so you know, last week we all got some really exciting news. The Rule of Law has found Donald Trump guilty on thirty four counts, so that's exciting. You can, of course google Trump rule thirty four to learn more, which was, you know, a joke. I saw a lot online and then I wanted to actually see what would happen if I did that, and then that turned into like.
That's evidence of mental illness, Well nobody.
Does that, and then it turned into like five days of.
Work, that's further evidence.
So that is what we're doing today. Hey, this is Gere from the Future, just cutting in to clarify one little aspect. When doing the legal review for this episode, we noticed that we never actually defined what rule thirty four is. Now, I assumed, if you're listening to this podcast, you know what rule thirty four is, but just in case you do, not Rule thirty four is part of
the memified Rules of the Internet. It originally comes from a two husand and three webcomic, but rule thirty four states that if it exists, there is porn of it, meaning that you can find porn of anything on the Internet, whether that be cooking, bowling, or in this case Donald J. Trump. And you know, as someone who is just reviewed basically all of the Donald J. Trump pornography that I could find on the Internet these past five days. I did
try to keep this episode roughly PG thirteen. We kind of cross that boundary a little bit, so I do think it's you know, probably wise to give some sort of general sexualized content warning here, But again I try to keep things as tame as I can, you know, all things considered. Anyway, back to the episode. I started my journey by doing the most obvious thing I could think of, which is opening a virtual PC and using Google through the tour browser to search Trump Rule thirty four.
No, this is already sounding like a great, great life choice when you have to make all of those steps to search something, well, because I don't.
What all of my like entire computer and search results just to get completely fucked over for the next like week or two, which they might just already because this is all in a Google doc now, so it's already.
Being mine, you know.
Yeah, so I'm already fucked, very similar to the way that we'll be discussing today.
So wow.
The first result when you google Trump rule thirty four is the website to rule thirty four dot xxx. So here we go, just straight to the source. I clicked on the link, and as the page loaded, I was shocked by what I saw, or more accurately, what I didn't see. There was far less Trump porn than what I was expecting. That not even like a single full page of results.
See this is what Joe Biden's taken from us.
Only thirty one pieces of artwork came up in the search results, seven of which didn't even feature Donald Trump and only used.
To name the number of felonies he has.
That's right, But many of them just didn't even have Trump and only used his name as like a joke tag for typically some sort of like furry pornography, which is can it be a very common trend for the rest of this episode, right? So what would you expect the first results to contain on the website rule thirty four do xxx.
God I Garrison, I don't even know. I'm imagining a lot of like, you know how, there's those like political cartoons like yeah, I forget. I think the guy's name Ben Garrison. I think it is who like always draws Trump as like shredded. I guess that's kind of what I expect.
There are certainly some of those, But the very first piece features a glossy rendering of Vladimir Putin's head with a quote. This isn't me just quoting myself. I don't know why said a quote, but it's what I described as a penal like object looming in front. And I believe this is alluded to be Donald Trump.
I feel like the listener needs to know that Garrison, for reasons that surpass all understanding, is wearing a fitted shirt and tie as they explain this to us. This is serious the ambiance you are not getting as a listener.
This is a serious topic for me.
I can see that.
See, I was thinking, like Trump fucking a flag.
But we'll get some flag action later, don't worry.
I'm so glad fla action. Yeah, So there we go.
The next image is actually going to be a little bit more useful in kind of forecasting some trends that we're going to be going over. The next image is Donald Trump in the makeup and lingerie engaged in some sort of what I would describe as an interracial cuckhold scenario in the White House. Not not the best. This is where we're gonna start start start seeing some worrying trends. And part of the difficulty in this episode was like,
I can't just show everyone all this pornography. That would be like an HR violation, and I'm not gonna have the editor, you know, cut together weird porn audio like. So it's it's all. I often describe this with word. But I did find one the tie sense the tie. But I did find one work around is I collected all of the pictures of just Trump's face, divorced from any other context of the image. I will actually share the picture of his face across some of these some
of these artworks. Okay, so here is here is image number one?
Oh honey, not great?
Is that?
Not like that?
So this is not I need to qualify here. This is not like a political cartoon. This is trying to get off.
Okay, correct, Almost none of these are going to be political cartoons. Great, the very last one is, but all of these are just just regular artwork.
I feel like I have to comment on this with a reference that Garrison might be several decades past your time, but he looks like Missus doubtfire. He looks like Robin Williams and drag a little bit.
I would say Williams pulls it off a little bit better.
Absolutely. I mean Robin Williams could pull off anything.
I don't.
I just don't think that lipstick works for Trump's complexion.
No, and I think it's probably fair. His eyeshadows a little heavy.
There's definitely some some troubling.
Hairs looking good. Hair's looking great.
Side note is the image framed behind him also Trump.
Yes, that's him. That's Trump as some sort of Mussolini type figure. He's got like the Roman laurel wreath in his hair he does, which I believe that Trump has a photo like that in his house. That that actually all right, that could be real.
Next one we have to get we.
Have to get through a few of these. So there is there is multiple tentacle pieces, which I'm sure we could all all guess, right, that's that seems pretty obvious. There is a drawing of Putin and Trump engaged in what I would describe as old man yowi, which is, uh.
I'm gonna need to see that.
Two parts, and one of one of these images is actually animated into a gift.
So that's exciting competent though, you know, I actually kind of like those as caricatures of both men. You really get, you get, you get a lot of personality, and I do feel like that's how Vladimir Putin looks when he's coming.
It's it's not bad.
Uh oh, I don't think about that, Jesus Christ.
Two fun comments underneath this one is this is actually so hot hashtag mega and this is why he isn't our president anymore?
Perhaps, Oh okay.
We also we also have Trump in a in like a dungeon orgy comprised of horror movie characters and female pop stars. Great an image posted the day after the election in twenty sixteen, there's Trump in his suit having sex with an anime girl wearing a Confederate battle flag bikini and cowboy hat. This is backdropped by a big American flag and the Confederate girl has a make America great again. Butt tattoos so getting some kind of conflicting messages there, But this trump face is really not great.
I really don't like it. See yeah, his eyes early squished together. In a lot of these he's giving a thumbs up. I would say about half the images he's.
Getting you know where that you know where, that thumb's about to be right Like, that's part of what makes this unsettling.
I really appreciate in this one that for his fingerprint, it's just like a spiral swirl.
Yeah that's this.
Yeah, not the best one. Read us some comments.
The comments for this one are quite good. Quote. I want to see more thick or flat blonde wife who's wearing a cowboy hat. I want to help make America to be great. This turned me on big Lee and Frankly.
Garrison, you've you've buried the lead, which is that I want to help America to be great. Was posted by hex Maniac under skill or poke or yeah, I'm guessing this is some sort of Pokemon obsessed slut witch.
That's that's kind of many such cases. Taking this many such cases, quite frankly made my peepy huge. And if people say this is not pretty, they are wrong. They are working for the socialist globalist democrats and Chinese government, and.
It's impossible to know if that's a joke.
We have a really interesting one by an artist named L. G. Ling As how I'm gonna say sorry.
There's also the last post on that is why is the Condas color?
Yes, the last comment for the Confederate for the Confederate girl, what is why is the coctas color? Which is quite funny, but we have the next one is actually a three panel spread. First is a Democrat donkey for Sona. The second part is a floating Donald Trump elephant head with like a propeller extending out of the top and a robot hand coming out of the trunk reaching for the
donkey's ass. Lastly, the Trump elephant now has an extendable boxing glove trunk and is flying victoriously over the donkey Democrat with a black eye.
See they I like this more before we got into like domestic abuse territory.
No, this is We're gonna get into a lot of problematic aspects. I will just say now if you don't want to listen to some kind of deeply troubling psychosexual themes develop over the course, especially once we get to the AO three section.
Okay, you know, okay, sorry, we need to talk about this post by user trash Fucker.
Yeah, I wrote, wow, okay.
So this the comment, the comment for the donkey for sona one says, quote, I love you and your art, though, this really represents how that Orange treated women and how he assaulted them by grabbing their genitut test. Beautiful art, beautiful styles. Thank you.
If you can't spell genitals, you're not allowed to grab them. That is the law of the world.
Now reading that post, I want more than anything to have Trump comment on some of these.
Oh.
Absolutely, get him up on the podium talking about this beautiful art, beautiful styles. They're saying, it's the most beautiful donkey pornography anybody's ever made on the dark web.
A really bad one is a cartoon of Milo Ianapolis having sex with a hashtag never Trump, Orthodox Jew who might be Ben Shapiro, I can't tell. Please, please scroll please until he supports building the wall as then so as this is happening, on the background, a yasified Trump is sitting on the wall giving a thumbs up. This is by a Nazi cartoonist named Emily usis here?
Is here?
Is yasified? Trust comes up?
He sure is man? The cheeks are apple.
To describe it?
Where is Milos, Sophie.
I don't think I can show you that image because it'll be an HR. I can't show you that part because it's too there's too much stuff going on.
Okay, send it to me on signal ater.
I know, Sophie, Sophie, that's an HR violation. You're not allowed to ask her.
I don't think.
I barely look, I don't. I don't have a great recall of the of the HR course we have to take every year about sexual harassment. But I am as sure that you are both in violation of companies always.
That's Robert, that is, because you're like two years behind on all of your all of your didn't work trainings.
I get a notification in my email twice a day that Robert hasn't done some like legally required training.
So maybe maybe I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure you are both violation of our company.
Probably probably, But these Trump drawings just get keep getting more bizarre.
There's a really good one of an octopus Donald Trump getting intimate with a furry fox and cat.
Well, I do want to see that, with the.
Comment posted under From what I've known, Trump doesn't support these kind of things.
That's probably true. I don't think he'd be thrilled about that.
So there's a few other furry ones, notably one with Trump grabbing the buttocks of a wildcat with some with very small hands, and one of a sexy Trump plowing down Fluttershy in front of an American flag.
Oh god, sorry, yeah, it's bad.
Quote. I guess I'm not the only mega bronie out there. I want to end my life.
Sorry.
Also quote I want my life to end right.
Fucking me too, honey, me too. That's that's like a lot of trump back. I did not need to see that much of him, Sophie.
There's so much more trump back anyway. So results for Donald J. Trump specifically produced a handful of new images, one really bad one of Trump groping a family guy character.
But which family guy cares character?
Garrison, I've never seen family guy. It's some woman.
There's also okay, sorry, is that his face as a ball sack?
No, that's just his face, So beah.
That feels like that does feel like some kind of like standard lib political cartoon Trump drawing covered.
It's trying to be in the family guy style. There's also a cartoon of a of a of a naked, very very buff well endowed Donald Trump flexing while holding a cigar, sitting in his arm chair, which has the really good comment his thumb is on the wrong side, which.
It is, that's true. I just wile everyone to know about. Garrison has pg'ed these for us. They're like PG. Thirteen, so we're not seeing anything.
This is this, this is all, this is all above board. One of the worst ones, in my opinion, is a very very steamy rendering of a blushing Trump looking behind toward the viewer with his butt pushed into the foreground. MEGA is written across the cheeks. In the upper left corner is a close up of a smooth scrotum stretched out hole.
See Garrison. When it comes to HR violations, I feel like you can't say stretched out whole. I think that's forbidden on a company call. I don't think you're allowed to say string.
Tried to really turn the script into like the most like academic wording I can. There are text doubles of Trump conversing with the viewer. Trump says you will vote for me after this right, with the viewer responding yeah sure.
In the board they can't even get somewhat excited about this election.
Extra text with an arrow pointing to Trump reads ineligible to run again. This piece has by far the highest number of horny comments underneath the image. Now I think the actual worst when I discovered is a happy International Men's Day cartoon of Trump wearing an American flag thong standing on top of a box of noble Peace prizes with.
Thank you for censoring that Jesus.
With the Stephen with the Stephen Universe character Pearl in a bikini holding onto Trump, rubbing her leg against his thigh.
Now see, and I don't feel like Pearl would do this.
No, no, So Pearl has a text bubble saying forget women, I only make love to real men. Now now, I wanted to learn more about why this image exists. The artist behind this creation is named Luke Weber, and he actually used to work on this show Stephen Universe as a storybook artist.
Oh god, so this is cannon.
No, Luke had a really unhealthy Luke had a really unhealthy obsession with the lesbian character Pearl and would often waste time at work by drawing really horny art of himself and Pearl in a relationship. His art of him and Pearl would include other co workers like Ian Jones, Corty,
and show creator Rebecca Sugar. He allegedly gave Rebecca Sugar a drawing of having sex with Pearl, which allegedly got him fired from the show among many other reasons, and he's been blacklisted from large parts of the animation industry for sexual harassment and violence.
Oh well, that was much worse than I thought it was going to do.
I was like, this is bat Novis is really fucked up. Eh, So.
There's some bad stuff. Now I save the best for last. There's a small collection of pieces riffing on that picture of Trump playing tennis where he looks all quote unquote caked up. One uh with Trump in his tennis outfit is bending over pants down crackout with a variation of featuring two large what I'm gonna call dark skinned penises. I think trump interracial bottoming is a is a trend
that we'll see reoccurring here of course. Now, however, I believe the superior tennis piece is from an artist named Shad Bass, who might you a Nazi or just pretends to be one online. Cutting in here to do a quick correction. So originally in this episode identified at Shad Base as a transwoman, which is not the case. The reason why I thought this is because the most recent picture appearing to be Shad based on his Twitter account from like a year ago, is him as a trans
woman talking about getting on estrogen. Now, this was actually part of an ongoing joke that I just didn't have the context for, as he's like a really scummy and deeply problematic artist who I did not feel like doing a whole deep dive on so Apologies for that and
back to the episode. But she has drawn Trump in the same post as the famous photo, but as an anime girl wearing a transparent tennis skirt with the with the comments underneath saying I'd vote for her and I don't have enough weed for this shit.
Nobody does.
That's what I was about to say about this recording.
Yeah, but you know what we do have, Sophie, an ad break, an ad break.
Yeah, you can all consume substances to get through the rest of this.
Okay, we are back now. The most interesting thing I found on a real thirty four is a political comic by a guy named Larry Welt who makes this thing called Cherry Comics. He's like an old hippie cartoonist. This is a long running series, but these collection of panels are about a group of women using quote unquote weaponized sex to bring to bring down Donald Trump. One page depicts the main character, Cherry, breaking into the White House like a quote unquote sex ninja to quote fuck um
to death unquote. One plot line has Cherry using her love powers to make all of the riot police at a twenty twenty protest take off their riot gear and start having gay sex with each other through the power of love. Now, in the main panel, Cherry seduces a very unflattering Trump from the bushes of a golf course. Quote grab some uh this P word, Pretend I'm your
daughter unquote. She gets trumped chase her naked through a golf course, and when he's about to grab her, she disappears with the accompanying on a monopea twink, which I think is completely unintentional, naked into a face full of mud. I think this comic is actually good natured, but it's still kind of really problematic.
And very boomer pretend I'm your daughter, so they're like rooting for Trump to insecta.
There is a lot we will get to this. There is a lot of a Vanka Trump weird incest shit. It is deeply upsetting. Like I said, I put the content warning further up because there's gonna be some really bad psychosexual shit that I tried to really like clean up here. But yeah, this like boomer hippie cherry comic thing is really weird because it's very like nominally liberal, but it also has like really like classically racist cartoon depictions of black people. Oh great, it's it's just a
lot anyway. So but I again, I was kind of surprised that tags for Trump only returned like a few a few Trump images. When I start just quote unquote Trump on roll thirty four, most of the results were for a furry Japanese webcomic that's over one hundred and twenty pages. Because I think the artist just goes by the name Trump, He's completely unrelated, and I was really just expecting more stuff. I checked Dvan Art and it was largely barren of Trump themed not safe for work images.
Now just as I was about to give up and I thought maybe there's not enough for an episode, my my primal Zoomer brain activated. It's like, it's like something deep in my core knew what had to be done.
Rival Zoomer.
That's what I logged into the website Archive of our own, the most popular fiction website on the Internet. There are over one thousand and seven hundred works titled tagged with Donald Trump.
It's like the right number.
Now, not all that's porn or erotica, right, So I had to really whittle down the results based on my own judgment and my own tastes. Now, I had a very specific focus on the genre of old man yowie, which, of course you conveniently was also what the majority of the Trump centric works that were like rated M and explicit could be categorized as.
Of course they were.
Let's start our journey by going over the most popular Donald Trump relationship pairings and any guesses for what the first one is like Donald Trump X, like who you.
Know what, I'm gonna swing for the fences here and say Condoleeza.
Rice, Sorry nay wrong?
Yeah, that was that was always a Sophie coming to the steels.
I mean, unfortunately, I kind of think it's probably Ivanka.
It is not.
It's not Avakavanka and.
Hillary had very few, so few that they're not even notable and not even in my list. The number one pairing for Donald Trump is Joe Biden with one hundred and ninety two works. You know, that's what we deserve as a country. The number two is Vladimir Putin with one hundred and four. Number three, okay, number three is a Shrek with thirty four works. Sorry, that's sorry. That is number four. Number four is Shrek. Number three is Barack Obama with thirty works.
Well, that's less Obama than I expected of it.
Yeah, that was my point.
Number five is Kim Jong un with twenty four k that's.
The that's the exact number of Kim Jong owd once I expect.
We have twelve works that are titled Donald Trump x Reader. Seven of them are Trump and Jesus Christ, six are Donald Trump, Kanye West, five are Adolf Hitler Donald Trump, and two are Teletubbies and Donald Trump. Forty one works are titled as or tagged as bottom Donald Trump. Wow Wow, far outnumbering the numbers where he tops.
I'm actually really surprised by only seven for Jesus, because I'm kind of.
Curious about the Jesus Watch.
Yeah, Robert, I have, I have, I had great news for you.
Oh good.
Now, we don't have the time, nor do I have the willpower to go through each and every one of these, So instead, I'd like to highlight some of the plot summaries, tags, and select paragraphs that caught my eye to give you a taste of the horror that I've gazed upon. Start with one of the newest entries in the cannon, titled Donald Trump Prison Era. I'm gonna start with a time skip quote. It's been four years since Trump was rejailed. Him and his friends were locked in the safest, most
desolate place in the prison. They may not have freedom, but at least they have each other. During those four years, Ben Shapiro was thrown in prison too. He was very silent at what he had done and therefore distanced himself from everybody. I don't know what he did, but he must have done something to ruin him as a person, Warren Buffett said, and everyone nodded. Is he one of Trump's friends? We have each other, at least we'll be fine.
In this jail elongated muskrat said Trump was cuddling with Andrew Tate in the corner.
Why this is the closest I've come for feeling bad for Andrew Tate.
For the record, I still don't feel bad for Andrew Tate.
Another one which is Trump x Reader. The summary is quote it began four years ago when you saw him on TV during the presidential inauguration. You were laying on your bed, listening to country music on you American bedsheet. Suddenly you saw his big, handsome orange face and you knew he had to be yours. So in this one, the reader gets to marry or get with Trump in some way, and then you kind of like plan the
January sixth insurrection together. So that's a fun one. There's a really good one titled Trump Polly Relationship with the tags Joe Biden, Brock Obama, Obama, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, Donald Trump, Sonic the Hedgehog enemies.
To lovers see, I feel like only Sonic the Hedgehog of that group has the communication skills necessary for a successful polyamborous relationship.
There's another one that's tagged as Donald Trump Kanye West, BoJack Horseman.
Of course I feel you know, BoJack, would you get him drunk enough, he'd get on with that.
And there's really like there's two big genres here. There's the genre that's just like regular smut, where you feel like someone's just like a controlled f to all of the names and like just like switched it around, versus the fan fix that are entrenched in world building that integrates erotic literature with the world of Donald Trump. And those are the ones I like to focus on more
because you know, it's not universe exactly. You know, it's not just someone control effing just like a regular sex scene. I wanted to actually like, I want to have lore, I want world building. I need to be connected to.
What the the story titled Donald Trump's Monstrous Dick that you've put in this document.
No, I'm gonna skip over that one. Actually, we don't have enough time. This is just a woman talking about how she finds his orange, shiny body attractive, which there's a lot of that kind of stuff, right, I'm gonna instead go to where the wind blows by just and lonely. Three summary. Joe Biden is a seventeen year old senior who happens to the top of his class, known as the perfect straight, a capable student to friends and family.
But what happens when a new student who got kicked out of his old school for fights gets partnered up with him for tutoringly? I'm actually gonna skip to chapter two titled good what the Sigma? Oh no, no, oh, my god quote. After about two hours they finished their study session, Joe went out to a cafe with his childhood friends Brock and Bury the Bee Benson. Just imagine Barry the Bee to be six feet tall. The three of them talk at a booth inside when the topic
of Donald is brought up. Joe, bro Dude, I heard that Donald got kicked out of his old school for selling illegal stuff and getting into three fights per week at least. Barry said, in a hushed tone. Has he tried to hurt you at all? Do need help? Is he meeting up with a secret gang or something? Barry uttered it under his breath as his wings slightly flapped.
What the fuck?
So he's a literal b Wait so no, no, no, no, no, Barry the Bee Benson is the Jerry Seinfeld be movie be correct? I might wait, no, really, joking Robert.
Yes, yes, we got back.
Why fucking b movie?
Somehow what Jerry's I can't escape jerrys Seinfeld. No matter where I go, He's always there. Even in Trump pornography, Jerry follows me.
Barry, You're overreacting, Brock said, as he rubbed the inner of his eyes with his pointer fingers. I'm sure Joe can handle himself. He's almost eighteen. Besides, can we talk about something else, like how Drake and Kendrick got caught making out under the bleachers. I'm pretty sure they hated each other just three weeks ago, or at least Kendrick
hated Drake after he dated the freshman. There's one called Election Day, where Shrek tries to prevent you from voting and Trump shows up as like a superhero, with some like isis jokes, refugee jokes. Anyway, there's some there's some funny lines in here. To be sure it.
Is Donald Trump who is your hero. His intense alpha stare disintegrates the rest of Shrek's body, leaving you covered dot dot dot. Donald pulls his pants back on.
Yeah so so yeah, yeah, anyway, There's a really troubling one titled under the Crooked Lamp, which is tagged with American history fandom World War Two fandom, not the Germany fandom. The summary is quote short smut about Adolf Hitler and Donald Trump, with cameos from Barack Obama and Kanye West. So there you go, now, I the one one of the most popular Donald Trump benfix is titled a Donald Trump Story. Quote. I walked past the door to the
Oval Office, No, my office, my house. Finally the White House, the only race that should be here unquote. So not off to a great start, throw this fick. Trump falls in love with a Mexican architect that he hired to build the wall. That's the whole bit, now, Robert, I know you said you were interested in Jesus Christ.
Of course is yeah, he is kind of.
The most popular Jesus Christ one I could find. Is called Jesus X Trump pussy.
Sure.
The summary is Trump kicks the bucket and has a very interesting surprise waiting for him. Chapter one, Trumpy Dumpty meets sky Daddy.
Oh my god, I'm so worried about our society.
So trumpets. Trump gets assassinated and to his surprise, gets sent to heaven. He thought he was going to be going to hell with gay people on Hillary Clinton, but instead Jesus is waiting for him, and Jesus says, be prepared for the right of your life or death. You are a bad little slut on earth and it's time for you to pay for your sins, my little Trump pussy. I hope you're ready anyway.
I kind of hate that they stole my catchphrase.
Now by chapter seven, Donald Trump is pregnant. There's eight chapters in this.
Kid.
I'm sorry, that's that's all you need to present to get someone fifty one fifty Like that's an involuntary mental health hold.
Right there, speaking of pregnancy. There's a very popular or the most popular go to.
An ad break speaking of pregnancy.
Speaking of pregnancy.
For the most popular Donald Trump x Adalf Hitler one is titled Warped Tour A great place for home of hobes to mate hot guys. It's set at this music festival.
It's true about Warped Tour.
It's not wrong where Adlf Hitler and Donald Truck are both there to like disrupt like a gay concert and they have like a little meat cute. Trump invites invites Hitler back to the back to his hotel room to come up with new plans for how to try to harass gay people, and it ends with Adolf Hitler being impregnated, but Trump is not a supportive parent, so Joseph Goebelers has to help deliver the child with Hitler instead of Trump.
Well, you know, I gotta say, at least they get the personalities right, because Joseph, Joseph is the kind of guy who who would come in at the clutch like that to help Hitler deliver his lust baby's.
There's two decently popular Trump x Biden ones that are set during presidential debates, one of which they fuck backstage, and I don't think.
Five thousand hits, I don't.
Okay, no one gets pregnant in this one, but there are certainly others. So there's one where they have sex backstage, and then there's another one where they have sex on stage and Chris Wallace is moderating.
Someone should let him know.
Oh, and then in chapter two, Donald Trump gives birth because he got he got impregnated on stage.
Yeah, I think, Garrison, you need to do your job as a journalist, and we need to we need to reach out to Chris Wallace and ask theoretically, would he narrate Donald Trump sex with Joe Biden if they were to do that on stage? How does he feel about that?
I will go to the very last one, with sixty five thousand hits, by far the most popular Donald Trump kind of erotica smut on the whole website. It's called go Fuck Yourself Donald Trump by orphan underscore account who's actually written a few of the ones that we've talked about here.
Sixty five thousand views.
Yeah. Published in twenty seventeen, just before Inauguration day. Quote another person told me to go fuck myself today, Donald Trump told his strong Russian lover of Vladimir Putin. I want to, but it's impossible. There's only one of me. So the first paragraph is about how Putin forces Trump to eat three tubs of crisco a day. It's basically just body shaming for the majority of this piece.
Sounds like theeerborn too.
Yes, totally. And then Putin presents a clone of Donald Trump. Quote its eyes were almost as lifeless as Donald's himself. That was the true perfection of this creature. He's gorgeous, Trump said, tears sliding down his face. He felt as if he was looking into the mirror, but when he reached to touch his reflection, his hands met soft, clammy skin. Thank you, daddy. Trump eagerly began kissing his clone, pushing his tongue past slack lips until it learned to respond
to him. Each hungrily tried to devour the other, their bodies writhing against each other, tears rolling down their faces in unison as they realized that neither one could ever fill the empty void that they felt inside. So that is my extremely abridged version of my AO three adventure. And unfortunately I do have one worse section, but it's a bit shorter that we will get to after the break for some of the more kind of I would say, mainstream Trump pornography that can be found on the internet.
Finally, all right, we are so back.
We have never been more back. So I've been to you know, the regular zoomer places, right, we have like you know, dev and art type stuff. We have AO three. And then I realized that boomers also watch poorn. So I went to the two most popular porn websites, something I've never done before, and I there's only around thirty
Trump centric videos across both sites. Now there is a decent number of like repeat uploads, right, and there's some videos that are just cut into shorter clips from longer scenes. But there's only about thirty source videos that I could find across the two top porn sites.
Question, is it because they're being censored or is he notes with somebody.
That no, it's just it's just not the most popular thing. And now I would argue Trump is probably one of the more sexualized presidents we've we've had in recent years because of his.
Which he makes because of who he is, not because of his sex appeal, because of.
How he looks, but because of like his personal background and all of his you know, very obvious sex crimes. Right, Like we can go with like Bill Clinton, but like Trump, Trump is so much more sexualized than like Bush or Obama. It's it's it's it's kind of interesting. And yet very few materials on these sites now, so weird. There's a few different types here. We have. We have animated ones, which is what I first went through. Some of these are just like voiceover clips of someone playing a porn
game and doing voiceover for dialogue. Now all of these are narrated in one take, and it's very clear the voice of a person is not reviewed the material at all prior to the recording, because they will often and sentences at the wrong spot, breaking the flow of the dialogue. So that is one genre. There is a really upset anyone titled storby Daniels ex Trump cart two to Hen Tie causeplay Milk with eleven thousand views, which has the worst most creepy looking PlayStation two.
Level. What is happening? Holy oh? He looks like a corpse.
But also is little like Clinton, Like.
These these three D models are fucking in what looks like a college dorm room. Trump is wearing his suit jacket and red tie with leather shoes but nothing else. And something I can't show you but I found really upsetting is that his legs are about as twice as big as his body, but with tiny feet, like his legs are so much wider than the rest of him. They're huge. It's really concerning, and I don't think it's on purpose. It's just like a really bad three D model,
so weird. In one of the in one of the video game type ones, when Trump is orgasming, he says ah bing bing bong Bong bing bing bing. I just thought I.
Should bog bog indeed, and.
Now so onto live action the first I The first live action one is a bit of an outlier. It is titled Donald Trump Parody clip Smoking and Drinking in the Oval Office Lol, with about two thousand and six hundred views. It's a woman cause playing a gender bent Trump and just like casually monologuing at the camera for like eighteen minutes. At one point she takes off her suit jacket and unbuttons her shirt, but not in like
a strip teas way. At eleven minutes in she quote unquote rubs one out her words while continuing the half in character, ranting it it's kind of a weird outlier, but I thought to mention it. Now onto the two major genres of Trump porn, the first one being the debate orgy Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton Fucking Bernie Sanders and Megan Kelly parody. This one has a combined total of over of almost eight million.
Views wave Bernie alone.
This is christ This is the most popular Donald Trump pornographic work on the internet.
Oh no, the Bernie they got is kind of hot.
I think we're going this would oddly enough, focuses on Bernie more than Trump. I think because the Bernie.
Accident, because he's more fuckable.
Because the Bernie actor did a really good job.
Okay.
And also this was this was like a live stream that's been edited together into a video, so the audience, like on the chat, was responding to Bernie Moore, so he got way more of the attention.
Yeah, he just uses charisma.
The sound qualities cariboozes right now, Robert Jesus, the.
Sound quality is terrible. Everyone's slowly reading off scripts and not even trying to hide it at all. Trump says he's going to build a wall around Mexico and install one big glory hole, which isn't how a glory hole works.
No, I mean it could be.
Hillary has asked if she thinks she might fall to the same infidelities as her husband, and Hillary explains that the Clinton family has a rule that whatever happens in the Oval office doesn't count. Unquote.
That actually might be a Clinton family rule.
All of the actors except for Bernie, look really uncomfortable entire time. At one point they switched to like an unscripted Q and a section using like the live stream, and it all reads like high school improv but obviously like not with high schoolers, not for high schoolers, but
just like it is so awkward. About halfway through the twenty minute video, Megan Kelly asks Trump if you would like to improve his personal rating among married women as they start having sex, and then Hillary says quote, I'd rather fuck the party than the enemy and calls on Bernie. There is a lot of feel the burn jokes in here.
So many. There's a couple, there's a couple of good there. We should we should figure out that Birdie actor though, get him on the pod honestly interview this staff.
The second most popular one is titled Erection to twenty sixteen Donald drumf Fux Hillary Clinton during Debate. It has over five million views. Once again we start with a build a wall bit, but this time Hillary who makes a move on Trump. The third most popular one is called cream Pie Debate. This is the closest one in the entire collection. It has three and a half million views. Much more accurate ages, but the impressions are really bizarre,
Like they all have like weird accents. I can't quite tell where they're from, but they all sound there.
Almost certainly somewhere in eastern Europe.
No, they're American. Now. Trump waves around a gun on the debate stage, talking about how Hillary wants to take away the Second Amendment. He points the gun at her, threatens to blow the wench away because she's trying to rig the election. The winch, the wench, that's a quote wench, and calls her crooked Hillary with quote unquote crooked genitals.
You know, he actual Trump might say that at some point.
But you can kind of see how the video will develop from here right now. I was not prepared for how racist it would get. Trump gets like this, this like dark dildo, and it starts screaming and growling in like a really upsetting fashion. There's a whole bunch of really racist comments. Hillary implies that she took part in all of the sexual growling. It's the best it's the best word I could find to describe the.
I think, I think I get what Garrison is.
I was gonna say, I noted, don't expand h Yeah.
Hillary talks about how she took part in all of Bill Clinton's sexual escapades and then uses a strap on Donald Trump, But it's simulated. They don't actually do it.
In the clip, so minus points for that the actor for Trump makes some really interesting faces, and at the end of the video, Hillary shoots out Trump's votes from her ballot box, which covers Trump's face in the rejected votes, which he wipes off with an American flag, something that multiple commenters took great offense to, not the rest of the video, but the fact that he wipes it off with an American flag seems to really upset some people. Now.
The guy that made this created four other Trump themed porn videos. A Deep Throat Diplomacy where Trump dribes the president of Mexico to pay for the wall by offering a quote beautiful white woman who happens to be Trump's daughter, Avanka. He makes another Avanka one called Bobblehead butt Plug, which I think is pretty self explanatory. The third one is Trump and Obama's Daughter, which I skipped through mostly because it was really gross. And the last one's called Cuckold
Trump with again three and a half million views. And this one has President and Obama and the Secret Service breaking into Trump Tower where Trump and Malaney are sleeping in bed, and then a cuck scene unfolds. Once again very racist. We are nearing.
We're nearing the end.
I can see the tunnel at the end. We're now going to get to the last debate, one called Donald tramp in the White House. This is going to be huge. With only a quarter of a million views, pretty low, but seventy percent up voted, So there you go. Now, in this one, Trump is doing a solo debate by himself, predicting how he would handle the Republican primary in twenty.
Twenty four ahead of its time.
But in the context of the video, it's basically just a journalist that's interviewing him. So after some like you know, very very typical haha, Trump is racist type jokes, the skit turns oddly poignant, where Trump kind of starts whispering and says, quote, I'm using my ranting billionaire charm to win you over. First, I'm going to tell you that America is really lost and I'm the one to find it. And then you will be drawn to all of my ideas,
like a very special episode of Shark Tank. And then I will tell you how all the other candidates are stupid, idiotic morons, and you'll be left wondering is he trying to get his subrenette band or is everything he's saying really what he means? Now, let's have sex as I whisper racist comments into your ear unquote. This Trump actor. The hair is too orange. The hair is too orange.
Everything's too orange.
He's really orange. They're really into making him orange. But the hair is just way too red. So that is the that's the that's the like the main category which is like these like debates once, but there's a second category which is almost equal in numbers. And this is this is the last genre of work we'll be talking about,
and it's the one I find the most telling. It's they're all a very distinct type of like amateur video of a man in a low quality Trump mask getting beaten up, dommed, pegged, interrogated, or otherwise humiliated by women. Now these these have anywhere from like four hundred views to twenty five thousand views, so they're watched less, but
the people that are making them seem really passionate. We have titles like Trump gets Donkey Punched by two sexy women, one hundred percent Real sixty FBS ten EVP or.
One hundred percent reel.
Or make America Beg Again, Kick My Ass President Trump, and I think most evidently two beautiful fem dooms humiliate, feminize and peg sissy in Donald Trump mask. So, okay, do you want to see the collection of masks before or after I talk about this genre. I'm gonna save it for after, and it never I'm gonna save it
for after. So I've gone through like these these three different kind of medium sory in this in this episode, right, we have we have like the drawn art, we have AO three fan fic, and we have this like you know, more classic pornography live action stuff. And each each of these has different aspects that I believe are are clearly tied to the medium, right, like like furry stuff for drawn art, the largely homosexual pairings of AO three, and
the normy heteromsogyny of classic pornography. But I'm more interested in when some of these kind of medium specific aspects intersect and how that might tell us something about what's really going on here. So, based on all the evidence I've reviewed the past five days, I'm gonna split the Donald Trump pornographic catalog into two main kind of thematic sections,
the two genders, if you will. First, we have Trump the strong man, Right, this is either propagated by like people on the right to genuinely admire Trump as like a dominant dictator and thus like displaying sexual submission to him is like a righteous duty, or like a sign of respect or a quest for validation. Alternatively, this strong men framing can also be used, and I would argue more perversely by liberals in some form of like a post irony desire for subjugation stemming from a like a
neoliberal disenfranchisement or like neoliberal nihilism. Having a like a Freudian father figure you deeply despise strengthens the taboo aspect
of repressed desire for the inherent domination of authoritarianism. I think the master slave kink is very common in the Trump AO three fix, presumably you know, mostly written by people on the left, and this type of thing I think can be vulgarly tied to like the lord bondsman dialectic at play in this sort of politic, which is like defined by and desiring what you cannot be, So we have that plus all like the fucked up yet
very common incest framing strengthens these kind of psychoanalytic links. But enough of that battle to contrast Trump the strong Man. The other major category is Trump the Defiled, which is exceedingly popular on Rule thirty four AO three, and this kind of later category of femdom porn videos. This is like a revenge fantasy. It's uncaring in its embrace of problematic tropes so long as Trump is symbolically stripped of what signals his status of power. This often includes a
misogynistic embrace of social norms that reflect authoritarian patriarchy. Trump is feminized mostly through actions to signal that he is lesser right. He's a masculated, penetrated, dominated, assaulted, and very often impregnated. Even death is no escape for in the afterlife, Jesus Christ continues the holy work of Trump's psychosexual humiliation.
The hope is that the Catharsists will be found in putting the image of Trump through the types of things that the actual Trump has done to others, perhaps with some kind of perverse pleasure in this role reversal of now being the one to subject Trump to such experiences,
even through fiction. Now, I'm not necessarily saying all this stuff is bad, but there are plenty of materials that I've reviewed it that I do object to but this mostly does fall under the guise of play and kink, which can be valid and often useful ways of sorting through psychosexual or psychological affairs. And obviously throughout a lot, if not most, of these works, there is a large comedic element, but I think such comedy is still underpinned
by some of these maybe deeper motivations. And to detox from that rant, here's a collection of really uncomfortable Trump mask pictures which, oh my, I have so many, I have so many of these. I have a whole collage, a whole collage of this.
It's really I've got hr on the other line here, so we're gonna actually swing over to a separate zoom call to talk through some of this.
These looks so bad.
It's the iHeart Daddy shirt with the horrible Trump mask.
It's so bad. No, it's like it's weirdly trans misogynistic for all of all of these ones in the mask. It's just there's a deep he's a deep uncanny.
He looks like he looks melting David Bowie, he does bottom once. He looks like the thin white duke. If the thin white duke, like, oh God, got coke bloated or something terrifying stuff.
I will. I will post some of these mask images onto Twitter so you can check that on at Hungry bow Tie.
I will.
I will reply once this episode drops with with these awful with you with these awful collages I've created. Anyway, Robert, what do you think about all this Trump porn?
Again? I think we're all going to get fired for doing this episode. I think this has crossed every professional line that exists. But good work.
Other than that, I was gonna say, I think yours deserves a really big race.
I was.
I was really proud I was able to sneak in a little bit of Hagel there at the end. I was, I was, I was really proud.
Of that one.
I can say one thing for sure, we can do.
A follow up. That's all of the Hegel porn. Really curious how much of that you can fight.
What's exciting, what's exciting about this entire thing is Trump would fucking hate it, just like he hates all of his followers in his.
Core many such cases. Well, thank you for joining us on this deeply disturbing journey.
I love to see it.
Don't do this, thankfully, you only have.
To listen to it.
You'll you'll only have to listen to me explain it now, So now you don't have to fulfill this curiosity that I know has been bubbling in a lot of you.
So there you.
Aah and check back in next week. We'll be covering all of the best Hegelian pornography that the Internet could provide.
Take a long weekend.
Hi, everyone, it's me James, and I just wanted to read you this today. I'm going to put it in our episode this week because it's a cause, it's important to us, and so we thought it would be something that might be important to you too as well. On the tenth of June twenty twenty four, Lennon Peltier, old member of the Turtle Band of Chippewa of Lakota and Ajibwei ancestry and the longest serving political prisoner in the United States, will be appearing before the US Parole Commission
for the first time since two thousand and nine. He faces staunch opposition from the FBI and other law enforcement agencies due to having allegedly killed two FBI agents in a firefight on the twenty sixth of June nineteen seventy five. After the agents appeared on reservation land to execute a
pretextural warrant. The initial firefight occurred during the quote reign of terror on Pine Ridge in the wake of the occupation of Wounded Knee, a time of extreme violence when federal law enforcement installed a puppet tribal chair and was
arming vigilantes who targeted Indigenous traditionalists. Every since leading up to these events, as well as a subsequent investigation and mister Peltier's extradition, trial, conviction, and sentencing, were characterized by gross misconduct on the part of law enforcement, the prosecution, and the courts. Mister Peltier's co defendants were separately tried
and acquitted on grounds of self defense. Mister Peltier was railroaded, and his case is tainted by discrimination every level, ranging from the withholding of exculpatory evidence to the torture and coercion of extradition and trial witnesses, and from the refusal of the judge to dismiss and vowedly racist Dura to the apologetic gymnastics of the courts affirming his convictions in the face of meritorious legal challenges and admitted evidence about
rageous government misdeeds. Mister Peltier has been in prison for more than forty eight years and he's almost eighty years old. He suffers from chronic and potentially lethal conditions for which he receives insufficient and substandard medical care. If you want to take action to hashtag free Lenard Peltier, you can call the US Parole Commission at two zero two three four six seven zero zero zero. And if you'd like to find more information on how to support, you can.
Go to this url.
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