CZM Book Club: Soria Moria Castle

things of people in the past. And when I have those feelings, I turn to folklore. So this week I'm going to read you a story called Soria Moria Castle, and it's from the Norse. It is a popular folk tale there, or at least the Internet tells me it's popular there. I have not spent enough time in Norway to know whether the average Norwegian person is like, ah, yes, totally sorry, a Moria castle, that's our shit. But the reason I picked this story it's not because it's popular

in Norway. It's because I was looking at a different story that I'll probably read to you some other time. It's a very good story. When I ran across this story, translated by the same person, and specifically I ran across it because Maria is the name of the minds of Moria in Lord of the Rings, and Tolkien admitted that it is from this story. There's nothing about it, like, there's no actual connection besides the name. But that's enough

for me. And this version of the story is from a book from one hundred plus years ago called Popular Tales from the Norse, a translation by George Webb Descent. Okay, the other reason that I'm reading it to you is that the first paragraph is just so I'm so into it. But nerd of virgens is totally new, says the person who's trying to destroy all health services in this country. But actually the nerd of virgens is as old as time. Okay, now I'm going to read you the story Sooria Maria Castle.

Once on a time, there was a poor couple who had a son whose name was Halvor. Ever since he was a little boy, he would turn his hand to nothing, but just sat there and groped about in the ashes. His father and mother often put him out to learn this trade or that, but Halvor could stay nowhere, for when he had been there a day or two, he ran away from his master and never stopped till he was sitting again in the ingle, poking about in the cinders. Well.

One day a skipper came and asked Halvor if he hadn't a mind to be with him and go to sea and see strange lands. Yes, Halvor would like that very much, so he wasn't long in getting himself ready. How long they sailed, I'm sure I can't tell, But the end of it was they fell into a great storm, and when it was blown over and it got still again, they couldn't tell where they were, for they had been driven away to a strange coast which none of them knew anything about. Well, as there was just no wind

at all. They stayed lying wind bound there, and Halvor asked the skipper's leave to go on shore and look about him. He would sooner go, he said, than lie there and sleep. Do you think now you're fit to show yourself before folk, said the skipper, Why you've no clothes than those rags you stand in? But Halvar stuck to his own, and so at last he got leave. But he was to be sure and come back as soon as it ever began to blow. So off he

went and found a lovely land. Wherever he came there were fine, large flat cornfields and rich meads, but he couldn't catch a glimpse of a living soul. Well, it began to blow, but Halvor thought he hadn't seen enough yet, and he wanted to walk a little farther, just to see if he couldn't meet any folk. So after a while he came to a broad high road, so smooth and even you might easily roll an egg along it.

Halvor followed this, and when evening drew on, he saw a great castle ever so far off, from which the sunbeams shone. So as he had now walked the whole day and hadn't taken a bit to eat with him, he was as hungry as a hunter. But still the nearer he came to the castle, the more afraid he got. In the castle kitchen, a great fire was blazing, and Halvor went to it. But such a kitchen he had never seen in all his born days. It was so grand and fine. There were vessels of silver and vessels

of gold, but still never a living soul. When Halivar had stood there a while and no one came out, he went and opened a door. And there inside said a princess who sat upon a spinning wheel. Nay, nay, now, she called out, dare Christian folk come hither? But now you'd best be off about your business if you don't want the troll to gobble you up. For here lives a troll with three heads, all one to me, said the lad. I'd be just as glad to hear he had four heads. Beside, I'd like to see what kind

of fellow he is. As for going, I won't go at all. I've done no harm, But meet you must get me, for i am almost starved to death. When Halivar had eaten his fill, the princess told him to try if he could brandish the sword that hung against the wall. No, he couldn't brandish it. He couldn't even lift it up. Oh, said the princess. Now you must go and take a pull of that flask that hangs by its side. That's what the troll does every time

he goes out to use the sword. And so Halvar took a pull, and in the twinkling of an eye he could brandish the sword like nothing. And now he thought at high time the troll came and lo. Just then up came the troll, puffing and blowing. Havor jumped behind the door. Hutetou, said the troll, as he put his head in the door, What a smell of christian man's blood, Aye, said Halvor. You'll soon know that to your cost. And with that he hewed off all his heads.

Now the princess was so glad she was free. She both danced and sang. But then all at once she called her sisters to mind, And so she said, would my sisters were free too? Where are they asked Halvar. Well, she told him all about it. One was taken away by a troll to his castle, which lay fifty miles off, and the other by another troll to his castle, which was fifty miles further still. And do you know what lay between him, Halvar, and those other castles and his

further adventure. Well nothing he couldn't skip past. It was a bunch of ads. And we're back. But now she said, you must first help me get this ugly carcass out of the house. Yes, Halvar was so strong he swept everything away and made it all clean and tidy in no time. So they had a good and happy time of it, and next morning he set off at peep of gray dawn. He could take no rest by the way, but ran and walked the whole day. When he first

saw the castle, he got a little afraid. It was far grander than the first and there wasn't a living soul to be seen. But Halvor went into the kitchen and didn't stop there either, went straight on further into the house. Nay nay, called out the princess. Dare Christian folk come hither? I don't know. I'm sure how long it is since I came here, But in all that time I haven't seen a Christian man towre best. You saw how to get away as fast as you came, For here lives a troll who has six heads. I

shan't go, said Halvar, if he had six heads. Besides, he'll take you up and swallow you down alive, said the princess. But it was no good. Halvor wouldn't go, and he wasn't at all afraid of the troll. But meat and drink he must have, for he was starved after his long journey. Well, he got as much of that as he wished, But then the princess wanted him to be off again. No, said Halvar, I won't go. I've done no harm and I have nothing to be

afraid about. He won't stay to ask, that, said the princess, for he'll take you without law or leave. But as soon as you won't go, just try and see if you can brandish that sword yonder, which the troll wields in war. He couldn't brandish it, and then the princess said he must take a pull at the flask which hung by its side, and when he had done that he could brandish it. Just then back came the troll, and he was both stout and big, so that he

had to go sideways to get through the door. When the troll got his first head in, he called out, hutu two, what a smell of christian man's blood. But that very moment Halvor hewed off his first head, and so on all the rest. As they popped in. The princess was overjoyed, but just then she came to think of her sisters and wished out loud they were free.

Halvor thought that might easily be done and wanted to be off at once, but first he had to help the princess get the troll's carcass out of the way, and so he could only set out next morning. It was a long way to the castle, and he had to walk fast and run hard to reach it in time. But about nightfall he saw the castle, which was far finer and grander than either of the others. This time he wasn't the least afraid, but walked straight through the

kitchen and into the castle. There sat a princess who was so pretty there was no end to her loveliness. She, too, like the others, told him there hadn't been Christian folk there ever since she came thither, and bade him go away again, else the troll would swallow him alive. And do you know, she said, he has nine heads? Aye? Aye, said Halvor. If he had nine other heads and nine other heads, still, I won't go away. And so he

stood fast before the stove. The princess kept on begging him so prettily to go away lest the troll should gobble him up. But Halvor said, let him come as soon as he likes. So she gave him the troll's sword and bade him take a pull at the flask that he might be able to brandish and wield it. Just then back came the troll, puffing and blowing in, tearing along. He was far stouter and bigger than the other two, and he too had to go on one

side to get through the door. He said, as the others had said, hututu, what a smell of christian man's blood. That very moment Halvar hewed off the first head, and then all the rest. But the last was toughest of them all, and it was the hardest bit of work Halvar had to do to get it hewn off, although he knew very well he had strength enough to do it.

So all the princesses came together to that castle, which was called Soria Moria Castle, and they were glad and happy as they had never been in all their lives before. And they were all fond of Halvar, and Halvar of them, and he might choose the one he liked best for his bride. But the youngest was fondest of him of all the three. But there after a while Halvor went

about and was so strange and dull and silent. Then the princesses asked him what he lacked, and if he didn't like to live with them any longer, Yes he did, for they had enough to spare, and he was well off in every way. But still, somehow or other, he did so long to go home, for his father and mother were alive, and them he had such a great wish to see. Well. They thought that that might be

done easily enough. You shall go thither and then come back hither, safe and unscathed, if you will only follow our advice, said the princesses. Yes, he'd be sure to mind all they said. So they dressed him up till he was as grand as a king's son, and they set a ring on his finger. And that was such a ring he could wish himself thither and hither with it. But they told him to be sure not to take it off, and not to name their names, for there would be an end to all his bravery, and then

he'd never see them more. If only I stood at home, I'd be glad, said Halvar, And it was done as he wished. Then stood Halvar at his father's cottage door. Before he knew a word about it. Now it was about dusk, get even, and so when they saw such a grand, stately lord walk in, the old couple got so afraid they began to bow and scrape. Then Halvor asked if he couldn't stay there and have lodging there

that night. No, that he couldn't. We can't do it at all, they said, for we haven't this thing or that thing which such a lord as used to have to where best your lordship went up to the farm no long way off, for you can see the chimneys, and there they have lots of everything. Halvor wouldn't hear of it. He wanted to stop, but the old couple stuck to their own that he had better go to the farmers. There he could get both meat and drink. As for them, they hadn't even a chair to offer

him to sit down on. No, said Halvor, I won't go up there till tomorrow early. But let me just stay here tonight. Worst comes to worse, I can sit in the chimney corner. Well, they couldn't say anything against that, So Halvor sat down by the ingle and began to poke about in the ashes, just as he used to do when he lay at the home in old days,

and stretched his lazy bones. Well, they chattered and talked about many things, and they told Halvar about this thing and that, And so he asked them if they never had any children. Yes, yes, they once had a lad whose name was Halvar. But they didn't know whither he had wandered. They couldn't even tell whether he were dead or alive. Couldn't it be me, now, said Halvar. Let me see I could tell him, well enough, said the

old wife, and rose up. Our Halvor was so lazy and dull, never did a thing, And besides he was so ragged that one tatter took hold of the next tatter on him. No, there never was the making of such a fine fellow in him as you are. Master. A little while after, the old wife went to the hearth to poke up the fire, And when the blaze fell on Halvar's face, just as when he was at home of old poking about in the ashes, she knew him at once. Ah, but it is you, after all, Halvar,

she cried. And then there was such joy for the old couple there was no end to it. And he was forced to tell how he had fared, and the old dame was so fond and proud of him. Nothing would do but he must go up at once to the farmers and show himself to the lassies who had always looked down on him, And off she went first,

and Halvar followed after. So when she got up there, she told them all how her Halvor had come home again, and now they should only see how grand he was, For said she, he looks like nothing but a king's son. All very fine, said the lassies, and tossed up their heads. We'll be bound. He's just the same beggarly ragged boy he always was. Just then in walked Halvar, and the lassies were also taken aback. They forgot their sarks in the ingle where they were sitting darning their clothes, and

ran out in their smocks. Well, when they were got back again, they were so shamefaced they scarce dared look at Halvar, towards whom they had always been so proud and haughty. Aye Aye, said Halvar. You always thought yourself so pretty neat no one could ever come near you. But now you should just see the eldest princess I have set free. Against her, you look like just milk maids,

and the midmost is prettier still. But the youngest, who is my sweetheart, she is fairer than both Sun and Moon would to heaven, she were only here, said Halvar, then you'd see what you would see. He had scarce uttered these words before there they stood. But then he felt so sorry. For now what they had said came into his mind. Up at the farm there was a great feast got ready for the princesses, and much was

made of them. But they wouldn't stop there. No, we want to go down to your father and mother, they said to Halvar. And so we'll go out now and look about us. So we went down with them, and they came to a great lake just outside the farm. And what did they find there but goods and services. That's what was at the lake, just a bunch of stuff. And they listened to it all attentively, just like you're listening now to the ads and her back. So he went down with them, and they came to a great

lake just outside the farm. Close by the water was such a lovely green bank. Here the princesses said they would like to sit and rest awhile. They thought it so sweet to sit down and look over the water. So they sat down there, and when they had sat awhile, the youngest princess said, I may as well comb your hair a little Halvar. Yes, Halvor laid his head on her lap, and so she combed his bonnie locks, and

it wasn't long before Halvor fell asleep. Then she took the ring from his finger and put another in its stead, And so she said, now hold me all together, and now would we were all in Soria Moria Castle. So when Halvor woke up, he could very well tell that he had lost the princesses, and began to weep and wail, and he was so downcast they couldn't comfort him at all. In spite of all his father and mother had said, he wouldn't stop there, but took farewell of them and

said he was safe not to see them again. For he couldn't find the princesses again. He thought it not worthwhile to live. Well. He still had three hundred dollars left, so he put them into his pocket and set out on his way. When he had walked a little he met a man with a tidy horse, and he wanted

to buy it, and began to shaffer with the man. Ay, said the man, to tell the truth, I never thought of selling him, but if we could strike a bargain, perhaps, what do you want for him, asked Halvar, I didn't give much for him, nor is he worth much. He's a brave horse to ride, but he can't draw at all. Still, he's strong enough to carry your knapsack. And you two turn and turn about, said the man. At last they agreed on the price, and Halvor laid the knapsack on him.

And so he walked a bit and rode a bit, turn and turn about. At night he came to a green plain where stood a great tree at the roots of which he sat down. There he let the horse loose, but he didn't lie down to sleep, but opened his knapsack and took a meal. At peep of day off he set again, for he could take no rest. So he rode and walked and walked, and rode the whole day through the wide wood and where there were so many green spots and glades that shone so bright and

lovely between the trees. He didn't know at all where he was or whither he was going, but he gave himself no more time to rest than when his horse cropped a bit of grass, and he took a snack out of his knapsack. When they came to one of those green glades. So he went on walking and riding by turns, and as for the wood, there seemed to be no end of it. But at dusk the next day he saw a light gleaming away through the trees.

Would there were folk here? Away? Thought Halver, that I might warm myself a bit and get a mo morsel to keep my body and soul together. When he got up to it, he saw the light came from a wretched little hut, and through the window he saw an old, old couple. Inside. They were as gray headed as a pair of doves, and the old wife had such a nose. Why it was so long? She used it for a poker to stir the fire as she sat in the ingle. Good evening, said Halvar. Good evening, said the old wife.

But what errand can you have coming in hither? She went on, for no Christian folk have been here these hundred years? And more Well, Halver told her all about himself and how he wanted to get to Soria Moria Castle, and asked if she knew the way thither. No, said the old wife, that I don't, But see now here comes the moon. I'll ask her. She'll know all about it,

for doesn't she shine on everything. So when the moon stood clear and bright over the treetops, the old wife went out, Thou moon, Thou moon, she screamed, canst thou tell me the way to Soria Moria Castle. No, said the moon that I can't. For the last time I shone there a cloud stood before me. Wait a bit still, said the old wife to Halvor. By and bye comes the west wind. He's sure to know it, for he puffs and blows round every corner. Nay, nay, said the

old wife when she went out again. You don't mean to say you've got a horse too. Just turn the poor beastie loose in our tone, and don't let him stand there and starve to death at the door. Then she ran on, But you won't swap him away to me. We've got an old pair of boots here with which you can take twenty miles at each stride. Those you shall have for your horse, and so you'll get all the sooner the Soria Moria Castle. That Halvor was willing

to do at once. And the old wife was so glad at the horse she was ready to dance and skip for joy. For now she said, I shall be able to ride to church, I too think of that. As for Halvor, he had rest and wanted to be off at once, but the old wife said there was no hurry. Lie down there on that bench with you and sleep a bit, for we've no bed to offer you, and i'll watch and wake you when the west wind comes.

So after a while up came the west wind, roaring and howling along till the winds creaked and groaned again. Outran the old wife. Thou west Wind, Thou west wind, can'st thou tell me the way to Sooria Moria Castle. Here's one who wants to get thither. Yes, I know it very well, said the west wind. And now I'm off thither to dry clothes for the wedding that's to be. If he's swift a foot, he can go along with me. Out ran Halvar. You'll have to stretch your legs if

you mean to keep up, said the west wind. So off he set over field and hedge and hill and fell, and Halvar had hard work to keep up, well, said the west wind. Now I've no time to stay with you any longer, for I've got to go away yonder and tear down a strip of spruce wood. First, before I go to the bleaching ground to dry the clothes. But if you go alongside the hill, you'll come to a lot of lassies standing washing clothes, and then you've

not far to go to Soria Moria Castle. In a little while, Halvar came upon the lassies who stood washing, and they asked if he had seen anything of the west Wind, who was to come and dry the clothes for the wedding. Aye that I have said Halvar. He's only gone to tear down a strip of spruce wood. It'll not be long before he's here. And then he asked them away to Soria Moria Castle. So they put him into the right way, And when he got to the castle it was full of fulk and horses, so

full it made one giddy to look at them. But Halvor was so ragged and torn from having followed the west Wind through bush and briar and bog, that he kept on one side and wouldn't show himself to the last day when the bridal feast was to be So when all as was then right and fitting were to drink the bride and bridegroom's health and wish them luck, And when the cupbearer was to drink to them again, both knights and squires. Last of all he came and

turned to Halvar. He drank their health, but let the ring which the princesses had put upon his finger as he lay by the lake, fall into the grass, And he bade the cupbearer go and greet the bride and hand her the glass. Then up rose the princess from the board at once. Who is most worthy to have one of us? She said, he that has set us free, or he that here sits by me as bridegroom? Well, they all said there could be but one voice and

will as to that. And when Halvar heard that, he wasn't long in throwing off his beggar's rags and arraying himself as bridegroom. Aye. Aye, here is the right one, after all, said the youngest princess, as soon as she saw him. And so she tossed the other one out the window and held her wedding with Halvar the end.

He always end stories. I like that story so much because and I like this story so much because it obviously there's a lot of like just as really annoying tropes about like oh, I'm gonna go save the princess and whoever saves me gets to marry me or whatever. Right, But there's this undertone of like, okay, two things. One the fool's journey, right, and I think Sorria and Maria, like, I think that somehow relay how I don't have in front of me. I was looking up before him. But

I didn't write a script. I just remembered some stuff. It probably comes from Greek for like foolishness, right, And you have the fool's journey. You have the idea of like, here's the wanderer who's just opened to the world and off to go discover things. And in this story, like I know I'm on on a limb here and I'm probably wrong, there's a story of like a transnarrative here. It reminds me a little bit of I saw the

TV clow. There's this idea of, well, there's this other magical fantasy land and in that land, like it's not about like and then I'm totally gonna sleep with the princesses. I mean, he's gonna marry one, right, But he seems happiest when he's helping them clean up and when he's lying with his head in this princess's lap and having his hair brushed, and I just kind of have this like gay off to the big city kind of vibe

to it. I don't know, and also the particular nerdivergence of like he's just described as all he wants to do is sit by the fire, and he doesn't want to work. He just wants to like poke around in the ashes. Like that's so specific and dramatic and interesting. So that's sorry, Maria Castle and I hope y'all are doing well. We'll be back next week with more book Club. Bye everyone. It Could Happen Here as a production of

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