CZM Book Club: Cool Zone 2055: In Bed With the Dreadnaughts

and this week we're bringing you something special. This week we're bringing you a report from across the Iron Curtain, from inside Nazi occupied Spain from the Catalonian Resistance. It's near impossible to get information in and out of curtained regions of the world, most of which are under permanent conditions of Vishnu shielding. This report then, like I just said, is something special. We received it on microfiche, one of

those technologies that was extinct before I was born. But then again, we make use of a lot of technologies and animals that were extinct before any of us were born. This report was handwritten in code and then photographed and shrunk, then tied to the wing of a pigeon. That pigeon flew from Barcelona to Toulouse, where partisans recovered it, dkode it and then passed along part of it to cool

Zone Media for us to read it to you. Well, there was a lot more information besides what I'll be reading, information about troop movements and all of that, but obviously that's not for public consumption. That information stayed in to lose where partisans are entrenched and holding back the Iberian Phalanx at great cost and with great valor. This, then, is a report from outside of Barcelona from our own anonymous correspondent. As you all are quite aware, cool Zone

Media works with a number of anonymous correspondents. One of our dearest is a person who writes under the name Mix Bunny Face Murder. When spelled out of course it's just mix and then the bunny face emoji and then the dagger emoji. That's how you know they're a zoomer. For a while, Mixed Murder would read their own reports and we'd run it through a voice changer. But all of that changed two years ago when Nazi quantum computers starting to be able to decrypt that stuff, and three

of my friends were killed. I mean a lot more than three people were killed, but you know, in a time of mass death, you sometimes focus on the ones closest to you. Anyway, All of this is to say that other hosts, those of us who aren't anonymous, have started voicing Mixed bunny Face Murder's work. Of course, one of us would have to voice it anyway, because you know, it showed up a microfiche, but that's besides the point. The show is, of course, more or less family friendly.

If you want to hear the entire uncensored version of the report, with all of Mixed bunny Face Murder's usual sexual antics included, you'll have to check out our sister podcast, Under the Pants and under the Ground. That episode will be out soon. We're arguing in our signal chat right now about who gets to record the more explicit version

of this tale. This report is titled in Bed with the Dreadnaughts sixteen weeks in a Catalonian camp, surrounded by hotties and brontos, and it's the first reporting any of us have gotten out of Eastern Spain in half a year. But first, before we get to that, there's one more thing I want to talk about. That's right, I want to talk about Dino Cadence. Dino'cadence is the academy for dino riding, and I'm willing to bet that if you can hear this podcast, there is a Dinocadence studio opened

somewhere near you. Not only are they the fastest growing training program for riders and texts, they're also cool Zone Media's biggest sponsor. And this week we would like to tell listeners that Dinocadence has not forgotten its roots as an exotic dinosaur dance troupe. In fact, thanks to all of your support, Dinocadence is going on tour. That's right, the world's finest burlesque sex show Circus Act is going

on tour to raise money for the Fight. Look them up up on your favorite apps or sites for dates or tickets Dinohkaidence would like to remind all listeners that while exotic dancers will be performing sexual displays on or near dinosaurs, they will not be performing sexual displays with dinosaurs, and the audience member who requests such a thing will be escorted out immediately, so without further ado. Well, there will likely be further ADO during the ad breaks, but

without immediate further ado. Here is my reading of the safe for work ish version of in Bed with the Dreadnoughts sixteen weeks in a Catalonian camp surrounded by hotties and brontos by mixed bunny face murder. According to the twenty fifty four report from Pew Pew Anti Fascist International Polling, the number one reason why people join in internationalist army or militia is to impress potential romantic or sexual partners

twenty eight percent of people. This just edges out saving humanity from fashism at twenty seven percent, followed by to get out of the house twelve percent, and well, I was going to die soon anyway eleven percent. Other interesting reasons include personal revenge for the death of a loved one eight percent, for the glory of the new God Shalam Swartzbard point three percent for the glory of the old gods point six percent, and I want to know

what it's like to kill someone point five percent. So how did I wind up in Catalonia, trapped behind the iron curtain? Wishing I'd known ahead of time that Catalonian is a different language than Spanish. Well, I was with the plurality. You see. I met this cute SIS girl last year when I was reporting on the Internationalist Science

Convention in San Diego. And for any older listeners, we should be clear that I'm using CIS in the ironic sense developed by Jen Beans, where if you mark someone as SIS when you're actually implying that they might not be SIS, but without actually fully disclosing whether or not

they're SIS or trans, because it's not your business. She was with the CNT, the anarcho Syndicalist Union with the cute red and Black hats, and she was presenting on the impact of sarrotergia like dinosaurs with flippers and shit that live in the water on the climate changed warm Mediterranean, which is what her doctorate was on. I figured I didn't have a chance in hell at impressing her by

learning how to spell sarrogia and our emails. But maybe I could impress her by doing some reporting on the Catalonian Front, one of the hottest hot spots in the whole world. Three point five. So me and my mediocre Spanish packed ourselves into a troop transport carrying Maganesta forces from San Diego to Barcelona, and I landed into a city transformed. But first you should let yourself be transformed by these ads. Do you love true crime? Do you

love biospawn? From the minds that brought you the hit podcast Fucked Up Murders Done by Monsters, comes an all news show, Fucked Up Monsters Made by Murderers, the only true crime podcast that brings you inside a Nazi biospawn lab, with exclusive interviews from some of the top scientists who

have defected to the internationalist side. Warning the Council for Accomplishing the impossible task of engaging in ethical warfare was unable to independently verify that all the former Nazi scientists interviewed for the show did so of their own free will, Some or all of the testimony could have been coerced under torture. The Council for accomplishing the impossible task of

engaging in ethical warfare. Would like to remind listeners that testimony coursed under torture is less likely to be accurate than testimony produced by repentant ex fascists. You know, times sure are tough right now, what with the you know everything, and I'm tired of everyone promising them you know how to fix everything. That's why I drink Tough Times Tea. Tough Times Tea makes absolutely no claims that their products offer any medical or psychological benefits. They are not trying

to tell you that they're going to fix everything. There isn't even any caffeine. It might literally just be random pine bark they put into little baggies and package of cubes and mail to your house because these are tough times and tea companies have to sell something, but real tea is getting harder to find. Tough Times Tea is absolutely just random pine bark collected from the front yard

of the Sole proprietorship. Independent studies are currently underway to determine if Tough Times tea is actually worse for you than drinking plain hot water. And we're back. You've heard my reports on an Archo Syndicalis Catalonia on this show before back before the Iron Curtain fell over the Iberian Peninsula, or rather before that curtain extended all the way to

the eastern coast. You've heard me talk about the black and red banners that are just fucking everywhere, hanging from every building like it's all the set piece for some old movie or something. You've heard me talk about the communal meals that are served around the clock for free to all comers in seized hotels, where people play music and the social life of the city takes place when

it takes place inside. I showed up in the summer, and twenty fifty four was, of course the hottest year on record, which isn't a surprise since every year or two is the hottest year on record. But anyway, it was hot as hell, so most social life took place inside because the average day there was over forty degrees. That's one hundred and four to you heathens in America. You heard me talk about the arrogasaurs that wander the streets covered in red and black barting. The aragosaurus has

become the de facto mascot of Spanish and arcosyndicalism. It's named after the province of Aragon, and why did they name their mascot after the province of Aragon. Well, all throughout the twenty forties, of course, the Iberian Peninsula was in revolt. Aragon, Catalonia, and the Bosque Country were, of course, three of the most powerful internationalist strongholds, and Aragon declared

for an arcosyndicalism in twenty forty nine. Well. They also declared for it in twenty twenty nine, twenty thirty four, twenty thirty seven, twenty forty, twenty forty four, and twenty forty eight, But in twenty forty nine it stuck for a while. Catalonia and the Bosque Country rushed to follow, and the revolts spread. Aragon was also the first to fall when the Fascis took Aragon in twenty fifty two.

They took it heart. Of the one point five million people living there, fully four one hundred thousand were killed, roughly two hundred thousand joined the fascist forces in another five hundred thousand fled to Catalonia. The Battle of Terragoza has captured the world's dark imagination, so much so that it gave the world a new style of art, the dark imagination or just let escura in Spanish. The Dark imagination is large scale, often many of the pieces are

meters on the side. The focuses on the suffering of the living at the hands of the biospawn, often using the gray scale color scheme from Pablo Picasso's Guernica and mixing Cubism with realism. Usually either the primary subject is rendered in a Cubist style while the background is more realistic, or vice versa. The actual battle, the Battle of Terragoza, was quite simply one of the worst things that has

happened in human history. There have been higher death counts, there's been greater malice, but Terragoza was the first city of its size to be torn asunder by half mad, screaming, tortured hybrid humans. It was the Iberian Phalanx that first weaponized biospahn built from humans, and the people of Terragoza who did not escape in time were hunted down and ripped apart limb from limb, turning the city into a

surreal landscape of brick and bone. The C Andt's militia, bolstered by allies from every left of fascist political persuasion from France, Italy and Morocco performed heroically. Within hours of the initial onslaught, they shifted their focus from holding the city to defending the exodus of its population. Later, captured intelligence confirmed their suspicions. The fascists were not attempting to capture the city to rule it, nor even to exterminate

its population. The fascists were attempting to capture the city in order to turn it into an open air research prison, to perform terrace experiments upon its people, to turn them into biospawn. General Alafonsa Bueneventura fell in the fighting in a live stream moment that will live forever in our minds, she with the rest of her polycule, covered the retreat of her soldiers. As the four lovers were swarmed by shriekers, She drew out a grenade and they all held hands.

She shouted something as she pulled the pin. We don't know what she said, not really, it was lost to the din. Some people looking at her lips, thinks she shouted Viva Anarchia. Others believe it was Viva Aragon. You'll be shocked to know that people whose primary allegiance is to Anarcosyndicalism believe the former, while those who favor Aragonian

independence as their primary concern believe it was the latter. Certainly, Alaphonsa believed in both causes, but Occam's Razor says that it was Viva Anarchia, and so it's people fled and aragon fell. Why was I telling you all of this? Oh right, the dinosaurs. The Aragonosaurus has been the mascot of the Iberian Revolution ever since, in memory of the

wasteland that is now patrolled by fascists. If you ever want to flirt with a Spanish revolutionary a little too aggressively, just at the edge of actually insulting them, call the Aragonosaurus a brontosaurus. In English, we pretty much call anything with four legs and a tiny head and a long neck a bronto, But in Catalonia that's blasphemy. I spent months living in and reporting on Barcelona. The revolution had a sort of carnival air as social barriers broke down

and everyone became friends, comrades, and lovers. I never saw my marine palaeontologist's friend again. Sadly, I've heard she's probably in Italy now continuing her research in a place not under such dire threat. The aquatic dinosaur support we get here even under blockade has certainly been essential, so I'm grateful to her, But that hasn't stopped me from well

joining in the festivities, so to speak. For the first month or so I was there, I lived with a polycule of internationals and a building that was squatted even before property was collectivized in the city. I had some good times with them, but I'm not really built for polycule life. There are so many nights you don't want to play Warhammer forty k and I found myself out at the bars looking for something a bit more novel. But I bet Margaret wants to do a family friendly

of this report. Yes, yes, I do, so. I won't get into too much detail about all of that just here, But what I bet Margaret does want to do is cynically transition to ads in the middle of this important update about world affairs. Sure I'd love to. This podcast is proudly sponsored by the International Rice Harvesters Union. Are you a rice harvester? Statistically an awful lot of you are and a growing number two Try joining a labor union.

It's nice there are songs you get paid more. The International Rice Harvesters Union would also like to say to all workers everywhere, join a union, just not ours. It's for rice harvesters. This podcast is sponsored by Maggot Meat, the only meat substitute made out of maggots. It's chalk full of protein and maggots. Yum yum, gets some maggot meat. This podcast is sponsored by the Concept of Potatoes. That's right, after thirty some years, we finally got someone to give

us money to talk about potatoes. Potatoes are good. You can grow them at home. You probably should grow them at home because food shortages are a constant source of suffering across the world. Grow your own survival garden with potatoes, and we're back. During the day, I studied the anarcho syndicalist movement, and I talked to its organizers about lessons they've learned and what they wanted the rest of the world to know. If I survive all of this, I might turn that into a book. There's a big if

there about the surviving all of this. Ever since the Phalanx took Aragon, the demons of Hell have been at our door. The Vishnu shields went up, and they've stayed up because force equalization favors the defender. The exodus or lepikina ritorata. The little retreat happened a couple months ago. Now.

It was a beautiful action, performed perfectly. The Mediterranean was swarming with biospahn, horrid murrhman creatures and zombie sharks and just some of the worst things imaginable, Pleaseeosaur riders and the CNT Navy, alongside the decent sized chunk of the Irish Republican Navy, fought back the shrieking in the sea. Most citizens, even the non combatants, and what does that word even mean anymore. I'm a reporter and I carry

an ar fifteen. Most people elected to stay Barcelona, they swear, will not become another Terragoza, considering a rather large chunk of people here themselves fled Terragoza or Aragon. More broadly, it's not an empty statement when they say that. But researchers and engineers fled, bringing with them a decent chunk of the cloning factories of the city, since those don't

work under vish new conditions. And there are many, many people who rely on electricity for their work and their wartime contributions, or even the just their day to day physical health and survival. Tens of thousands of people loaded into boats and sailed off for it Italy, and we did not lose a single civilian boat or civilian Three Irish and five sea and te ships went down, but nearly every one of those sailors was rescued. There are

seventeen martyred heroes of the little retreat. I watched the whole thing from the roof of a beachside motel, with the rest of the press relying on actual binoculars and telescopes instead of the drones I was used to using. The shrieking was overwhelming for hours until it wasn't until the sailors beat back the half living monsters of the sea, until the tide washed red. And I'm not being as

hyperbolic here as you might imagine. The whole sea didn't change color, but blood and bodies washed up for weeks after the battle. The night of the battle, I took six of those Irish Republican sailors home with me to show them a little bit of syndicless hospitality. They drank in honor of their friend they had lost that day. Chuvaan was her name. I drank in honor of her too, but it wasn't alcohol that I wanted going down my throat.

And then at this point, Mick's bunnyface murderer hand wrote the code for an eggplant emoji so that it too could be encrypted and then decrypted, even though it's an audio medium. I only managed to file one report after the Vishnu shield went up, a now peer reviewed preliminary study on the sexual cultural differences of Irish Republican volunteers and Catalonian and arcosyndicalists and the compatibilities of the two.

I did a lot of research for that study, got a special chair to sit in the corner and observe my subjects and everything. I got that study out look forward in the Journal of Applied Sexuality. It should be out by the time that you read this. But that was it. The Iron curtain came down fast. The Falalaxi's naval blockade has proven impenetrable to any but the canniest of deep sea divers. The ar armies arrayed around us are far too great for the brave few soldiers who

remain in Catalonia. So far we've repelled every attack, but Catalonia is a land under siege. It will not survive without international support. We desperately need someone, anyone, to attack fascist Spain while they are busy with us. Most of the fighting isn't in Barcelona. Sure, occasionally a terror unit of the enemy will sneak in some zombies or some terrible biospawn monsters, but the population here is armed and organized, so those biospawn are neutralized quickly before they can do

too much damage to people or morale. Most of the fighting is in the countryside. I decided to embed myself with an international unit of mostly American and British stegosaurus riders who call themselves the thag Hags, after the phagamizer, the spiky bit at the end of a stegosaurus's tail. They are led by Captain Simmons, a black British chap who has taken to wearing a pith helmet ironically and

smoking a pipe earnestly. He's truly a wonderful man and monogamously married before anyone asks, who cares deeply about the people under his command, and even more about the stegosaurs. We rode off to the front under a hail of confetti and flowers. I cried, look, lots of stuff make me cry. I cried writing about that polycule clutching the grenade, yelling something or other with their last words. I cried watching the battle as people fled the city. I even

cried during the festivities after the battle. The thag Hags number only two hundred people and eighty seven stagosaurs, but there were eight thousand of us marching out of the city that day to the front. Many of the Irish Republican Volunteers were there with us, as were a thousand pan Affanists who'd been defending the city for years at that point and had been preparing to head home but have been trapped by the Iron Curtain. There was also, curiously,

a unit of Dreadnoughts. I don't know if you've covered them on the show before. I haven't been able to listen for a while now. I'm sorry about that, but they're this unit with a rather unique selling point. They boast the highest mortality rate of any unit in the Internationalist forces. Their recruitment materials proudly declare that the average Dreadnought dies in their second engagement. They marched in their medieval armor beside or astride their massive war soars. It

was strange to be in their company. They're like a walking Memento Morii. I determined that once we got to the front I would get to know some of them a little bit better. There's something incredibly seductive about death and about those who straddle the line between life and death. I don't really know if in French they actually call orgasms little deaths, but if they do, it makes sense to me. So we marched out of the city, out

to the camp at the place. I can't tell you, and I can't tell you how long it took us to get there, but eventually we got there. We got to the front. As for what I saw while I was there, the audience is going to have to wait another week unless Cool Zone Media has changed its schedule since I've been gone. And that's it for part one of In Bed with the Dreadnoughts by Mixed Bunny Face Murder. We'll be back with more of it next week, Okay,

Margaret in twenty twenty five. Here just letting you know that if you like my writing, you might like my upcoming book, The Immortal Choir Holds Every Voice. If you heard me read a book called The Lamb Will Slaughter the Lion to Robert Evans here on cool Zone Media book Club. Well, this book, The Immortal Choir Holds Every Voice, is a sort of prequel to that one. It's technically the third in the series, and it's going to be kickstarted soon March twenty twenty five, and you can sign

up for notifications by searching the Immortal Choir Kickstarter. Because no one's ever going to remember the full title of my books, because that's the way I title my books. I name them things like the Barrow will send what

it may. Anyway, if you search the Immortal Choir Kickstarter and go to the pre launch page over there, you can click a little like tell me about when it goes live button, and you should because then you'll know about it when the kickstarter goes live, and I'll have audiobooks of all three Daniel Kaine books available through that kickstarter, I believe too. Anyway, if you're listening to this on January nineteenth, twenty twenty five, the day it comes out,

and you live in the US, good luck, tomorrow. I hope we all make it. See y'all soon. It Could Happen Here as a production of cool Zone Media. For more podcasts from cool Zone Media, visit our website coolzonemedia dot com, or check us out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Find sources for It Could Happen Here, updated monthly at coolzonemedia dot com slash sources.