CZM Book Club: Cool Zone 2055: A Bestiary of Beasts

Don't think too much about the time paradox part of it. The important thing is that it's another episode of Cool Zone twenty fifty five, How to Survive the dinoh War. Good morning and or evening, one and all, and welcome to another episode of Cool Zone twenty fifty five How to Survive the Dino Wars. I'm your host, Margaret Kiljoy, here to say, Hey, we're going to get through this. Maybe not as individuals, but none of us were going

to survive being alive anyway, terminal condition being alive. This week on how to Survive, we're going to go over some of the threats we're facing and talk about some of the specific concrete actions we can take to counter those threats. It's going to be a good time. But first some headlines. The Canadian war took a turn for the better of this week. First Nations fighters and their allies announced on Tuesday that they have secured Vancouver Island.

If you haven't seen the videos of troops storming the Doom Facility and the University of Vancouver in Victoria, you are missing out. Every one of those Nazi scientists surrendered and thousands of human and non human test subjects were released. This comes after months of bad news out of the western half of Canada. With the capture of Vancouver Island, it is only a matter of time before internationalist forces step onto the mainland again. Unfortunately, news out of Egypt

is not as good. Islamist forces backed by the Aryan Empire and the New IDF have stormed the capital of Cairo, making heavy use of the Israeli government in Exile's favorite lab grown weapon of terror, the half sentient land jellies. This right wing alliance has ousted the democratically elected Council of Cairo and replaced it with a strong man. This marks the fifth reversal in the area in only two years.

The Internationalist Forces defending the city was a coalition built from the anti Zionist New boond the pluralist Islamic group, the Brothers and Sisters Alliance, and of course the SDF. There is no word yet from the Internationalist Forces about the hopes of a counterattack, and protests within the city

have been met by immediate violence. In other news, wildfire is ravaging much of the continental US, including rare East coast winter fires the recently coined Christmas fires that have been effected in the mid Atlantic in particular, Listeners are reminded to keep a weather alert radio running twenty four to seven if you live in one of the affected areas, keep a go bag packed and your car charged. The flooding through Central Africa has been particularly extreme this year.

Climate change is of course drying the southern portion of the continent, while wettening is is that a word wettening I don't know, while making Central Africa substantially wetter. We'll have links in the show notes on how to support mutual aid efforts there. And finally, it would not be a cool Zone media podcast in World War three point five if we did not shout out our most generous

sponsor Dino Cadence. Dinocadence is the world's fastest growing chain of dino rider academies, offering classes on everything from trick shots to Stegosaurus fire fighting. If there's not a Dinocadence academy in your area, then you yes, you listener. You can start one. Contact Dino Cadence and they'll get into instructures out to your area. Because we are all in this together, human and dinosaur, and together we're going to win. We just actually have to do it. You can't win

this fight by avoiding it. Tuition is free, but spots are limited, so apply to Dino Cadence today. So the oldest military strategy book in existence is still one of the best, The Art of War by Sun Zoo. It was written during the Warring States period of Chinese history. It's mandatory reading still more than two thousand years later, for more or less anyone considering military strategy on every side of this conflict. The capitalists who did a good job of destroying the world used to read it for

lessons in corporate warfare. The best and the worst people in the world read The Art of War. I'm not going to quote the whole thing at you. Though. It's not a very long text and you should read it, but there's a part that's particularly relevant what we're talking about today. Note that most translations, including the one I'm about to read, use the pronoun he throughout, but classical

Chinese did not make use of gendered pronouns. Mandarin Chinese adopted gendered pronouns in the twentieth century after contact with Western languages. In case you wanted another reason to be mad at Romance languages, there you go. But that's unrelated. Here's a quote from the Art of War. We may know that there are five essentials for victory. One he will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight. Two he will win who knows how to handle both superior and inferior forces.

get through this. Know how to pick your battles, know how to adapt to the enemy, know how to maintain morale, know how to time your attacks, and celebrate our decentralized command structure. But the next section of the Art of war is even more specifically useful to what we're talking about today.

That is what the enemy wants us to think. They want us thinking and purely black and white, because they want us ignorant. We need to know ourselves, our strengths and our weaknesses alike, and we need to know them their strengths and weaknesses alike. That means knowing how they tick.

That means knowing what spirit animates their armies. There is a reason that mindcom the Principles of the Elders of Zion and the Turner Diaries and all those sorts of horrible texts are required reading in internationalist officer training programs. There's a reason that cool Zone media has been talking about how bad people think since the very start, also how reasonable people end up thinking bad things, and how we need to be aware of that and learn to

distinguish between the two. The Art of War gets into way more about that, but I'm not going to get into it right now. I promise this isn't a purely art of war for the Dinoh war Atpiside. Oh, that would be fun. We should do it in an addition that just takes the art of war and adapts it to the Dino war. What do you think you should let us know on the various Internet things if you think.

That's right for free. Who's on media had slight reservations about accepting this ad. Big Boygos Ballistic anti Boinkbarting has been categorized by the Strategic Alliance Department of the Baltimore Commune as an opportunistic corporation whose loyalty to internationalism is currently in question. Ongoing investigations are looking into potential financial ties between Big Boingcos and an outfitter who serves the other side of this war called massive Maus Monstrous Monster munitions.

Cool Zone Media would like to remind its listeners that it cynically takes money from advertisers in order to finance the production of anti fascist content and suggests listeners do their own research into the goods and services. It advertises that said big boingos dino armor has been field tested by people we trust. Their quality is good and their prices are competitive. Are you a millennial still in this war, figuring it's your generation that should have done a better

job of stopping the rise of fascism worldwide? Are you a gen xer in uniform using your trademark cynicism to bolster a sort of nihilistic morale among your younger comrades. Are you a zoomer refusing to slow down? Maybe you are a proud member of the Gray Brigades, fighting alongside your not young peers in this desperate winner take all showdown between fascism and internationalism. If you are forty five years or older, you are more than welcome at this

summer's Old Bastard's Ball in Belfast, United Ireland. Here is your chance to socialize with the other ancient warriors and to tell ancient war stories. Cool Zone Media's Maya Wong will be presenting the Wokies, the award for combat veterans old enough to have called things woke unironically for security reasons, all attendees must RSVP and a vouch system will be in place.

wing Catholic converts that happened right before the Disconcordant. Mostly they made their money selling knockoff pharmaceuticals and infringing on other companies patents, which won them a lot of support during the era of the insurance Riots, But it soon became clear that they were adulterating their products with drugs that they hoped would quote reverse the homosexual and transsexuals of the US and make kids straight.

overall mission. The Crusader's Grail became Substantiation, which is of course trans substantiation the Catholic belief that the crackers and wine they eat turned into literal body and blood of Jesus when they eat them, but without the trans in the name. Because there are a bunch of right wing culture war zealots, Substantiation set about trying to well raise the dead and breed monsters like that was their mission

statement in internal paperwork, or to quote it directly. Substantiation is a for profit organization dedicated to spreading the Word of Christ and spreading Christian nationalism by use of unliving bioweapons. It is God's plan that we recreate the Miracle of Lazarus and arm the resurrected with flaming swords with which to strike down the sinful. Which look, we did a whole two week series on the Disconcordant and you can

go check that out for more information. But this statement, once it leaked, it pretty much split the Christian faith and it was a huge reason why a series of anti popes started popping up all over the world, because a lot of people were like, wait a second, isn't the whole point of Christianity not to strike down the sinful, like with flaming swords, but.

anti racist whatever. It's a whole bunch of history about this. I've done so many episodes over the past several decades that talk about the Republican Party and when it switched over and blah blah blah blah blah. That's unrelated, Okay, unrelated. Substantiation never really made money. They just ate up resources

developing living weapons what we call biospawn today. They developed ex vetro Genesis, which is that cloning that isn't really cloning because it doesn't require a living host that everyone else just costs cloning. But if you don't say X feature genesis and podcasts, then people get mad at you on social media.

the hellhounds weren't particularly impactful on a larger scale. If you find yourself up against hellhounds, which you might have already, honestly, here's what you need to know about them. They have the jaws of a pit bull, and once they've latched onto you, realistically the only way you're getting it off of you is to shoot it in the head. They can jump ten feet vertically or thirty feet horizontally. Even the most ardent animal lover instinctively knows that it is

a favor to kill these creatures. Hellhounds have a death wish as strong as their prey drive. They live to kill and die. Their main weakness is that they are never quiet, even sleeping. Hellhounds are suffering crying in their sleep. Unfortunately, it really is a drive to kill and not a drive to eat. Most distraction techniques that work on dogs do not work on hellhounds. But on the plus side,

they somewhat regularly attack their own trainers. Due to their volatility, hellhounds are rarely used in field battles, which is good because they're reasonably.

dogs will be let loose in the front door. These hounds are also often equipped with suicide vests that explode if shot or Recently, since dogs cannot open doors, some hounds have been trained to self detonate their vests if they find a door they cannot open, which clears the path for the remaining creatures. I know I said earlier about how we shouldn't see these things in terms of black or white. But our enemy, at least its scientists

and its generals, truly are evil. If you encounter hell hounds, it is useless to run, even on dinosaur back. These fucking things are fast. You need to fight. They are physically weaker than you and your mount. At the end of it, if you can shoot them, shoot them. If they're masked and you have access to a flamethrower, use that if you're alone. There's an old trick people use

to fight dogs. I'm sorry to say that this is the thing that people have had to do, where you offer your forearm, the forearm of your non dominant arm, and the hellhound will lunge and bite that.

Catholicism back to mainline Evangelical Protestantism. And then one of the Catholics got mad, and then the two killed each other in a literal duel, and the whole organization was so hierarchical that it fell apart with two of its leaders. But it's core ideas of using ex vitro genesis to develop super weapons. That idea is spread and spread and spread.

not pass the time with a board game. You could try last year's breakaway hit Please the Plesiosaur, a semi cooperative game for two to seventeen players that teaches battle tactics.

internationalist lines three miles away. That's about five kilometers to those of you in civilized countries. Remember, just because we're in total war doesn't mean we should get total bored. This podcast was brought to you by reticent Randy's Rodent Rescue. Why is he rescuing all these rodents? He won't say, But if you need to rescue a rodent, Randy is the man for the job. This advertisement barely past our editorial board. None of us are exactly sure what service

has been offered by this advertiser. It seems likely, perhaps even probable, the appearance of this advertisement is a code that communicates meaning to some portion of the listening audience.

of industries. After all, the unliving require weekly injections in order to stay animated, and so if the workers were sentient, that could have been held over their heads to make them loyal to whatever company they were.

personalities or whatever you want to call it. Do the very very freshly dead were able to be resurrected and merged with other creatures, creating bipedial biospawn with roughly the intelligence and demeanor of the hell hounds. Most corpses, though, are resurrected as what we call zombies, slow shambling creatures without even an animal self awareness. The zombies cannot be trained, only herded. They walk and moan until they find a warm blooded creature that they then rip to shreds, trying

to consume every bit of its blood and warmth. Fortunately, unlike the zombies of screen and page, real life zombies lack the ability to self replicate. You get bit by a zombie, you're not going to turn into a zombie. The real life zombies even tend to rip people up so badly that their kills cannot be resurrected by the necromancers,

as zombie making engineers are so often called. Unfortunately, they are like movie zombies and that the only way to kill them is to destroy their brain, and resurrection has not weakened their skulls to any appreciable degree, but it's not as easy to destroy their brain as it is in the movies. The fact that they use zombies is

somehow the biggest propaganda issue of either side. Christian nationalists in particular have managed to spin the whole thing as a way in which sinners are punished, that the army of the dead is serving God's plan, but everywhere the existence of zombies it's a very successful weapon of fear. You might not like us, but we're unstoppable. Join us, or zombies will eat your family. It's a very convincing line.

On our side, we're able to say, well, the other side reanimates the dead as unthinking monsters, and only by bloodlust they are the bad guys. This too, is a very convincing line. Zombies, interestingly, only have limited military use. They are primarily used for terrorism. They are set loose in enemy population centers, especially civilian areas on the battlefield. They're too vulnerable to machine gun fire to be wielded

with too much success. Though they are so easy to produce that occasionally they are massed in sufficient numbers to be sent out ahead of the regular forces as bullet sponges and well terror units sent to demoralize us. Fortunately, images of brave soldiers on dinosaurs shooting down zombies have bolstered our cause quite a bit. Morale is a terrain of struggle, as we always say, whereas son Zoo put it, one will win whose army is animated by the same

spirit throughout all its ranks. We like to squabble about anarchism versus republicanism, versus Marxis, Leninism versus democratic and federalism, versus social democracy versus nihilism, but our whole army is animated by the same spirit throughout all its ranks, the idea that the living ought to win in the war against the liminal. If you're up against zombies, get into the open. They're slow and vulnerable in the open, even

in great numbers. Firearms, fire explosives all quite effective against them. In tighter spaces they're much more dangerous. Don't get split up, fight back to back, aim for the head if you've got the shot. But if you take out their knees, they can't do much more than crawl, and that's better than nothing. Early propaganda bulletins made sure to emphasize that we knew that these creatures were not living, that they're

not the people that they look like. But honestly, we stop bothering to say that because one look at a zombie and you know there is no spark of life left in it. So the zombies were a big hit, and hell hounds truly strike terror in the hearts of many of us. But the nationalist forces decided that the creation of biospond is an art. All over the world, nationalist scientists have developed different local flavors to the monsters that they grow and set loose, and new trends regularly

sweep across the globe. In twenty fifty three, they went big, hulking monstrosities like combining roly pollis with elephants or spiders and rhinoceroses, or things that we never really reverse engineered, like at one point they pulled off a dragon, like how do they do that?

the saber tooth tigers bringing down that dragon. It is a sight to see. In twenty fifty four, they were smarter, they went smaller. This was the year of roving packs of jellies and the admittedly kind of cool if you grow up playing D and D gelatinous cubes that inch their way across the battlefield and pervious to traditional munitions, dissolving everything in their way. That's when most units were issued.

Flamethrowers and biospahn without central nervous systems are a bit easier for the other side to control, as they are not in constant pain. We don't know what the big trend will be this year, but early indications out of Ukraine suggest that the Russians at least are toying around with Dinosaurs's base models from which to create horrific screeching hell monsters like the six legged raptors that bleed from

their mouths and vomit acid uncontrollably. We're as yet unsure if the acid thing was a feature or a bug, but one more creature we want to cover in more detail because you are likely to run across it. Are the moles, I mean, they're not actually moles at all. They're more like land shrimp round lice.

people die. These things can dig through wood, but not concrete, so in places with suspected mole activity, make sure your primary living quarters are on slab foundations. Make sure that your space is equipped with ground penetrating radar if you're not under conditions of Vish New shielding, but if you are under Vish New conditions. Dogs have been trained successfully to detect their presence. Either way, if you've got to heads up, it's best to evacuate the area. They can

be fought with fire and poison gas if necessary. The best way to deal with a mole attack, though, is to stop it at its source. Mole facilities are massive because these creatures are only effective in large numbers, and they cannot be transported far as Their lifespan is measured in hours or days, not weeks or months or years. So if you're attacked by moles the breeding ground is nearby, destroy it. In fact, that's the best way to deal with all the biospawn. Find and kill the fascists who

produce them. Feed the fascists to your stable. It's good for morale. As for another way to track down these fascists, I'm going to leave you with another bit of advice from sun Zoo. Whether the object be to crush an army, to storm a city, or to assassinate an individual, it is always necessary to begin by finding out the names of the attendants, the aid de camps, and the doorkeepers

and centuries of the g general in command. Our spies must be commissioned to ascertain these so yeah, uh know your enemy, literally know their names, know who they know, figure out what you can use against them, and that's what we've got for you for this week. Stay strong, stay tough. Remember the anarchist prayer. Yeah Yeah, Whether you're an anarchist or not, we're all on the same side here, animated by the same spirit of anti fascism.