Your Internal Gaslighter

This has to do with internal gaslighting and how you're doing it to yourself . We all have a professional , deliberate internal gaslighter whose job it is to make you mistrust your thoughts and your emotions . Everyone has this gaslighter and that's your inner Kareen , the voice of mischief , the Shaitan . This Shaitan is your professional internal gaslight lighter .

Now , this is an incredibly life-changing concept . Inshallah , it's going to create a huge effect in your life and all you have to do is pay attention and internalize lessons in this podcast .

So in my AMW program , I have a powerful framework that takes into account the negative cognitions through the lens of Islamic psychology , and at the center of this concept is our true , inherent , primordial self , the soul that's pure and connected to Allah , that is always seeking Allah and that shows up in our behaviors , aspirations , thoughts and our dispositions .

All of us have that as well Through the Islamic lens of ruh . All of us have that as well Through the Islamic lens of ruh . This is the battery of life , battery

for your body . Without it , your body is lifeless , and this ruh is what is always connected to Allah .

Now , in this podcast , I'm going to use the term ruh and soul interchangeably , and this is for the sake of simplicity , but there are a lot of more important details that we go through in the program that I'm not going to mention here , because I want to deliver an incredible and a simple message that makes a change in your life .

So this ruh is pure and it's 100% worthy through the factor of creation by Allah . So then , why is there so much mischief in our minds and in our lives ? Because , then , on top of that ruh is the nafs and shaitan .

More specifically , our personal shaitan , or the qareen , uses this nafs as a seat to anchor himself into our psyche and , by extension , he anchors himself in our daily lives .

This shaitan , as a professional gaslighter , is so well-versed and knowledgeable about you that he could literally win an Oscar for emotional misdirection , and he does it very subtly , very swiftly , and he does it so proficiently that you don't recognize that this is happening .

He will leave you with complete disillusion and confusion if you don't slow down to recognize what I'm about to teach you . What the voice actually says is I'm not saying I'm a bad mom , but I am saying that I don't usually remember appointments , I forget to pack their snacks and I don't stay calm when it counts . And this is exactly what the trick is .

It doesn't call you a bad mom that would be too obvious and your conscious mind would catch it . Instead , it lets you believe that you're not calling yourself a bad mom or any other mean names , while it's sneakily planting those conclusions right under your skin . It gives you a feeling of the failure without being able to recognize the language of it .

So that way you can't control it directly , you can't change it and you can't even coach yourself out of it , because you're not aware of what's happening . This is internal gaslighting . It's what happens when the real problem keeps slipping through your fingers like fog

. You know something's off , you sense it , but every time you reach for it to try and explain it and help yourself , it evaporates .

In my coaching , very frequently it sounds something like this I don't think I'm being too hard on myself , I'm just trying to hold myself accountable , or I'm not avoiding conflict , I just prefer peace , or I don't know what I'm feeling right now . It's not a big deal anyways .

When I hear these sentences in my practice that start with I don't think I'm doing this , or this is not what's happening . Or women telling me I don't let anyone's opinion bother me , I don't care what he says about me . But all of these sentences are always followed by a pain point , something that the client's going through .

I know exactly what the problem is as soon as these words start to come out of her mouth . The problem is that his opinion is bothering her and she does care enough . But all of that is happening at the subconscious level . When , as a coach , I reflect something back to you as a client and your first instinct is confusion , dismissal , denial , defensiveness .

Not because my reflection is wrong , I mean . It certainly can be and it happens at times , but majority of the time , if I point out that you were saying something that is not bothering you , is exactly what's bothering you . You might not see it the first time and that's okay . That phenomenon happens to me all the time as a client .

My coach points out something to me and I would be like what are you talking about ? That's absolutely not true . That's obviously not happening . But when we approach the topic from a different direction , it turns out it is true and it's been true , and that is usually the core of the problem to begin with .

This happens not because you or me , as clients , are deflecting or we're avoidant , but because we genuinely can't see it . What's happening is that you've been gaslit by what seems like your own self , seems like a part of your own nervous system , but it's actually shaitan's trick . That doesn't mean that your coach is always right .

That does not mean that there's something wrong with you for not being able to recognize this . It just means that shaitan is editing your awareness .

No , there is a part of your inner healing intelligence , a part of your mind that is protective and it keeps you from uncovering things that you might not be able to handle currently , and that is a very smart design .

But if the problem keeps evading you , even when you're trying to actively heal it on your journey , even when you're resourced enough to hold your pain and awareness , especially when you're working with a professional , and even in those circumstances , the truth still keeps escaping you , this is the work of the internal gaslighter , shaitan .

The protective part of your nervous system works to save you from the discomfort of noticing something painful , especially if you're not equipped to handle that in your awareness and if there's a risk that with that awareness , your nervous system might get overloaded and flooded with an open memory . This is a super smart design . It's designed to protect you .

But if any of those beliefs are outdated and need to change and you have the correct support system and still you're unable to recognize the problem , then it is the internal gas lighter and it's time to bring them to light .

A lot of times this level of avoidance is trauma-based and when that's the case it's essential to work with a licensed therapist or trauma-informed clinician . But a lot of other times it's just uncomfort , mild , moderate , manageable , and even then your brain will do everything to protect you and eject that insight out of your conscious awareness .

You'll scroll past it , you'll forget what the coach said , you'll start cleaning the kitchen or replying to the emails or scrolling through social media whatever it is that you do for escaping and instead you'll tell yourself that's not me , that's not what's happening with me . What I'm talking about is a whole different level of psychological escape artistry .

Shaitan doesn't need to shout . All it needs is for you to doubt , to second guess , to stay foggy just long enough that you don't recognize where the change needs to happen . The invitation in my coaching is not to fight that voice but to notice it . Not to shame yourself for that voice being present , but to name it .

To slow down long enough to allow yourself to ask what am I not willing to feel right now ? Are these thoughts mine or is this the internal gaslighter writing the script for me ? With that awareness , start your awudu billah . This is the case of the slippery brain that I talked about in the previous podcast .

It pulls the disappearing act where the psyche is unable to recognize the problem . But , most importantly and luckily , it's not your own psyche that's trying to harm you . It's takareen . It's not happening because you

are inherently evil . It's happening because a third party that wants to cause you harm is creating this . Your slippery brain is sometimes just trying to protect you , but the harm of ongoing non-healing happens because of shaitan .

And in that case , when you recognize that , you ask Allah , subhanahu wa ta'ala , to help you protect from the effects of the shaitan and to help you heal , the trick that the slippery brain feeds on is that it's able to pull off a successful disappearing act .

This is especially exaggerated in the society , where negative emotions are socialized to never be felt and are considered that it's the worst thing that can happen to you . So , as a child , you never get any training to carry your emotions or to live through them . You're only trained to bury them or avoid them or escape them .

So , as a result of all of this , when a client starts off by saying it's not like , I'm bothered by my mom's comment . I'm the kind of person who lets things roll off my back , but the fact that we're even talking about this tells me that it didn't roll off her back .

The story is still stuck in her mind and in her nervous system and she keeps revisiting it , replaying it . The slippery brain , the professional internal gaslighter , causes the erasure of emotional pain because we're not taught how to deal with it in a healthy way , and this is shaitan's finest work .

So what you have to do is learn and allow yourself to have emotional intelligence and recognize that the most painful of emotions frustration , anger , judgment , jealousy , emotions themselves are not sinful . There's no actual harm coming to you from feeling an emotion , but from not recognizing them , from avoiding them , from escaping them .

Harm actually does come to your life . One of the most cunning emotional distortions that I see happening in high-functioning Muslim women is the rebranding of such negative emotions , especially judgment .

Because , as Muslims , as we are rightly taught to think highly of other people , if there's a subconscious judgment present for another person , it quickly slips out of awareness because recognizing it would make us a bad Muslim , while that actually is not true . Same thing with jealousy .

Only not being able to recognize these emotions and continuing to act on them is going to be sinful . That's what's going to create harmful effects in your life . This is not a moral failing . It's a protection strategy and unfortunately , shaitan knows how to weaponize it .

Because when you can't name what you feel , you can't transform it , and when you're confused about what's happening inside , you stay stuck in the cycle of constant low-key shame . Shaitan doesn't win by making you sin overtly . He wins by keeping you confused so you continue to sin covertly . He wins when your pain is camouflaged and confused with piety .

He wins when your judgment is wrapped in a religious concern , especially when you start to appear to be extremely self-righteous . The cost of misnaming or completely not recognizing emotions is large . It is extremely huge , because now you're not just feeling something painful , but you're feeling

wrong for feeling it and it continues to perpetuate because you're unable to recognize it . You're emotionally dysregulated and spiritually guilty and , yes , your emotional health might need to be uplifted and purified . But that can't happen unless you can identify it .

You need to understand the emotions you're going through , but when you can't label jealousy accurately or judgment accurately , you can't turn that into dua , you can't turn that into something constructive or even ask for forgiveness for having been in that state . When you name your judgment for somebody else , clearly you turn it into self-awareness .

But when you deny these feelings , you don't become more religious and righteous , you become more resentful , and that's the real spiritual danger . The negative emotion itself does not cause as much harm as not recognizing it does . What happens when the negative emotion is denied , misnamed , is shaitan comes in and completes his trick .

The moment you name an uncomfortable emotion , the moment you are able to recognize that negative thought pattern , what was previously very slippery and was previously escaping your awareness , when that happens , you unlock your power to direct that energy . When you name jealousy as jealousy , judgment as judgment , it becomes material . You can work with .

That's when transformation begins . One of my clients came to my session saying I'm not judging other moms I barely have time to look at what anyone else is doing but as we talked , she confessed that she felt inferior when she saw other parents post about their kids' accomplishments .

She started saying things like how everyone's child is in a gifted program and mine is average , and again followed by that famous line I'm not jealous or anything .

I'm just worried and that might be true for her and for you as well that you are worried because you're a mom and you want the best for your kid and you want what somebody else's married life looks like on Instagram peaceful and loving . You want all of that for yourself .

But not admitting that you want all of that , not admitting that you've fallen into comparison and not inspiration , it will never allow for you to have what you want . You can't make dua for it , you can't work towards it , because you're unable to bring into your awareness what you actually want . And that is why coaching sessions are so extremely powerful .

And that mom , when she recognized that she stopped escaping her discomfort , she stopped being reactive around her children , which was coming to her because she was trying to suppress all of this discomfort and this worry . When Muslim women mislabel their emotions or are unable to recognize them , they lose the opportunity to redirect them .

They miss the learning opportunity that teaches them that next time I feel this way , this is what I'm going to do with it . And the fear that blocks this progress is exactly from shaitan as well Fear of being a bad woman or a bad Muslim . I'm not supposed to think these things , I'm not supposed to admit to these things .

Islam , in reality , gives a far more nuanced and detailed response than don't feel that . You're not supposed to think that . Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam never taught us to suppress emotions . He taught us to bring everything to Allah , subhanahu wa ta'ala . And if you can't recognize what you need to bring to Allah in dua , then bring it to a coach .

So now we have named the slippery brain , we've exposed Shaitan's trick of emotional rebranding . What

do we do about it ? How do we turn this from spiritual gaslighting to spiritual growth ? And the answer is very simple , but it might feel confronting . You start by telling yourself the truth , not the polished , presentable , socially acceptable truth , the actual truth .

I felt jealous , I felt hurt , I'm judging this woman because I might be insecure in this area or that , and then you sit with it because these are not your thoughts . Remember your pure , inherent psyche . The ruh , the soul , is completely pure when you are sitting with these thoughts that seem like yours are actually shaitans .

When you join my program , it becomes very easy for you to separate yourself from these levels of negative cognitions . These are all simple , powerful questions that act like mirrors , and if you're unable to hold that mirror up for yourself , allow me and my coaching program to do that .

In the Empowered Muslim Women Coaching Program , we start with the first month labeled for Emotional Fitness Clinic , and that's where I use my Soulful Intelligence Framework to rewire all of this . This is spiritual work . This is not something separate from your deen . Understanding this design , working on this design is not self-indulgent , it is absolutely essential .

It is self-honoring . You are acknowledging the design of your heart , your nafs , your nervous system , all created by Allah SWT .

If your emotions are constantly playing hide and seek , if you've never learned to trust your own judgment , if you've always been gaslighted by distortions , your inner healing intelligence can never come forward , and that's where shaitan thrives . This is why community and coaching is everything Most of us don't realize .

We're gaslighting ourselves until we hear another woman speak the truth about her life . There's immense power of women , healing in sisterhood and community . We help each other name what's hiding and once it's named , we redirect it , we heal it , we get elevated . Inshallah , bringing your whole raw , unsanitized emotional experience to Allah SWT is not spiritual failure .

It is the best example of spiritual intimacy . It is your declaration that you trust His mercy more than your own shame , that you believe that he created your nervous system on purpose , that even your most unflattering feelings are worthy to be seen , held and healed . This is tawakkul .

This puts you on a life of ihsan , the path of self-leadership grounded in Allah's rahmah . And when you do this work , when you stop hiding from your own emotional reality , the payoff is massive . It's spiritual , it's practical , it's life-changing . You stop outsourcing , you start self-validating , you stop spinning in confusion while you're feeling off all the time .

You're calmer , you're lighter , you go through life with much more peace and sense of stillness and kindness , not because your life changed or that your life is now perfect , but because you're not fighting yourself anymore .

Your inside starts to match your outside . With that I pray to Allah SWT . Ya Allah , let me see what is true inside of me . Let me uncover what is shaytan's trick and what it's not letting me recognize , uncover what shaitan has buried for me , not to shame me , but to free me . Protect me from shaitan's whispers that confuse my emotions and silence my heart .

Help me name what I feel with courage and bring it to you with sincerity . Make my awareness a doorway to healing , not self-blame , and turn every emotion into a means to come near to you . Ya Allah , ameen , ya Rabbul Alameen , please keep me in your du'as . I will talk to you guys next time .