Women are "TOO" sensitive

How many times have you been told to take control of your emotions ? Today , I want to describe to you what is happening behind the scenes of these situations , when you are being told you are too emotional . There are biological and physiological explanations of why rejection feels threatening to existence for a human being .

Biologically speaking , if we were disconnected from a crowd , then it meant death , and this was the time where survival was best with numbers . So a major part of your brain became dedicated to keeping connections and making sure that we are belonging at all times .

So our nervous system is scanning for any signs of rejection , like a radar scanning for threatening aircraft . But here's the interesting part , though Although we understand why we all act this way , why we have sensitivities to rejection , we do not take into account different people having different levels of sensitivities .

It is on the spectrum for a human being to respond to criticism or any negative feedback . Some people will let it roll off their backs and it doesn't affect them at all , and for some others it's completely devastating . Extreme rejection sensitivity can actually be a sign of newer diversity , as in a diagnosis of autism or ADHD .

There are other diagnosable conditions that are associated with it . But a diagnosis does not mean abnormal , it just means differently normal . So how does that relate to women in Islam and your rejection sensitivity ? Or when you are being told you are being too emotional ? What are women in Islam being uncultured to believe ?

Rejection or criticism for anyone with a beginner's mind is a difficult experience , but for Muslim women it carries an extra , additional layer of complexity and weight . A Muslim woman who is already trying to balance between personal aspirations , communal expectations . When she faces criticism , it's not just words .

To her it's almost like a threat , uprooting a sense of belonging and identity , because she has dedicated her life to serving , and now that dedication comes under threat . Each word of rejection isn't just a comment , because a lot of people start out their criticism so casually .

I should just let you know like it's not a big deal , but Sarah said that you don't respond to the emails in time . If I was you , I would be more proud with my responses .

This feedback or criticism , while imparted on you so casually , has a potential of a spectrum of reactions from you , and if you are more sensitive than others to such criticisms , then it will land completely differently for you . So what is too sensitive ?

And if you do regard yourself as somebody who is frequently disturbed by other people's input , then what can you do about it ? Usually , people sensitive to other people's comments have a strong sense of empathy and they feel other people's pain . If that level of empathy is encroaching on your well-being , then you might want to do something about that .

And if you do choose to do something about it , what is it that you can do ? Consider in a professional setting , a muslims-women idea is dismissed or criticized . This isn't just merely a colleague disagreeing with her .

It's a moment that might trigger deep-seated fears of not fitting in , her fears coming true , of her contributions being undervalued , not just because of their merit , but because of her cultural and religious identity . It's a feeling of standing out when all you want to do is belong , feeling of having to fight twice as hard to prove your worth .

Or maybe in a social scenario where your lifestyle choices are criticized . This isn't just a passing judgement . It can be a piercing question to your very sense of self , where you might feel the pressure of representing your faith and culture , constantly being under the microscope , battling stereotypes .

This constant reminder of you walking that tightrope is bound to make anyone sensitive . So it's totally understandable and totally normal , and in these moments the emotional impact is profound . It's a mixture of self-doubt , fear and the burden of representation , possibility that you don't belong , that maybe your voice isn't valued .

But here's where the understanding of neuropsychological aspect is so important . These reactions are from deeply rooted brains , response to perceived threats . Not a threat like a tiger jumping at you or somebody coming at you with an axe , but the subliminal perceived threat of not belonging .

Finding out is a much better option for the brain than accepting that you don't belong . So how do you overcome that ? Let's first start with when you face rejection or criticism , just remember that your feelings are valid . Whatever your spectrum of sensitivity is , your feelings are always valid .

They are your response to your environment , natural or not , normal by somebody's standard or not , defined in a textbook as too sensitive or not . That is not your concern . What your concern is what you're making your feelings mean . What does it mean about yourself ? How are you interpreting it for yourself ? Is it a strength ? Is it a weakness ?

Are you agreeing that you're being too sensitive ? Doesn't matter if your emotional response lasts seconds to minutes , days , weeks or months . If that's how your emotional response is , then that is normal for you .

Creating that level of non-judgmental self-acceptance is the first step , because then maybe you'll be able to see is that your emotional response was something you chose . If you want to shorten your rumination time that you're having because of the judgment of your sensitivity , it can only come from a non-judgmental space .

Your rejection , sensitivity , the magnitude of your emotional response does not define your worth . This heightened or lowered emotional reaction isn't a sign of weakness or over sensitivity . It's a sign of depth , of your mind's engagement with the world around you . Your nervous system is highly attuned .

It picks up things that others do not see , and the heightened threat response might just be the price you've been paying up until now for this level of attunement . To all of my friends listening to this podcast if you're called too sensitive , your brain is wired to create deep meaning , feel deeply .

Someone who can let negative feedback roll off their back thinks about it once , but for you , you replay it with your memory , recreating an ever-present awareness of the event , all fed by your cultural identity . Women are programmed to believe that their worth comes from what they provide the world .

Boys that turn into men are programmed to believe that they're worthy just for existing . Then , of course , when a criticism is received , it makes sense for a woman to find it threatening , way out of proportion to what it actually means , as perceived as a threat to her existence .

If a Muslim woman's opinions are dismissed in a community meeting , it's not just a moment of personal setback . It's reliving of every time she's had to fight harder to make her voice heard , for every instance that she's had to walk the balance of asserting herself and adhering to the communal norms that she deeply respects .

Her brain doesn't just perceive a rejection . Her experience is a storm , stirring up feelings , isolation , self-doubt , and it's an exhausting uphill battle , a struggle to reconcile her individuality with the collective narrative . And , just like that in personal relationships , when she faces any criticism , it's a deep emotional response .

How does she align her personal choices with the religious and cultural expectations ? It's not just a disagreement , it's a questioning of her entire balancing act , a moment that brings forth her fears , the struggle and the silent battles she fights every day .

Understanding this neurocognitive sensitivity is crucial , because that is a call to recognize the strength of what you might be misconstruing as fragility . It's just a simple misunderstanding . It's about seeing the depth of your emotional world , not as a vulnerability but as a profound capacity to experience the world and all of its complexity .

It's about acknowledging that these intense emotional responses are not overreactions but a reflection of a deeply interconnected self , where faith , culture , personal identity and all aspects of your life come together .

So , my dear Muslim sisters , your heightened emotional response to rejection is a reflection of your deep engagement with the world , a sign of your intricate , beautiful complexity . While cultural programming and neurotypical people will explain it as abnormal , it will always be typical for you .

While self-scrutiny often stems from the layers of expectation that are barriers of our culture , sometimes draped in family honor , the choice of how you want to respond to each of this incident of rejection is always up to you . Do you want that rejection to turn into self-criticism or do you want to learn to be less sensitive to it ?

Is that self-criticism occasional or is it a relentless inner dialogue that scrutinizes and magnifies every real or perceived flaw ? If each external criticism is not merely a comment or a suggestion , but rather it becomes an echo of your internal critic , amplifying the negative self-talk . This is a symptom of an untrained mind .

The brain's neural pathway that handle criticism and self-evaluation are constantly firing , becoming more sensitive and more prone to the triggering intense emotional reaction each time . But here's the silver lining , and there is one Just having an understanding of this pattern is the first step towards breaking it .

So , subhanallah , you are already well on your way by listening to this podcast and recognizing that this intense self-criticism or sensitivity to others' judgments is not an inherent flaw , but a conditioned response . Just that understanding in itself is empowering .

It opens up the possibility of rewiring those neural pathways , of changing that inner dialogue from one of criticism to one of compassion and resilience . Understanding these behaviors from a neuropsychological perspective helps us realize that these are not just conscious choices , but often driven by deeper subconscious needs and fears .

For example , avoiding conflict might not just be about keeping the peace which you might be telling yourself at the surface level . It might be about a deep-seated fear of disapproval or rejection , possibly stemming from early experiences .

Or , again , cultural norms that emphasize harmony and community over any individual expression , regardless of how halal an Islamically acceptable . Individual expression is Just like that . People-pleasing isn't about just being nice . It's , many times about the intense need of acceptance , fear of being marginalized and misunderstood .

So for the moment , in Islam , grappling with this internal critic , know that your self-criticism is a testament to your commitment to being the best version you can be , but it should not be your downfall . Your journey is not about just recognizing the external expectations .

It's about nurturing your inner voice that supports you , that understands your complexities , honors all of your experiences and guides you with kindness and wisdom .

When you , as a Muslim woman , start to understand these behaviors , it's going to be like you've been given a key to a locked door . Your patterns of your life will start to make more sense . You will realize that your tendencies aren't your weaknesses or failures . They have never been . They're just adaptive responses to your environment and experiences .

They aren't even maladaptive , as otherwise labeled , and what you might have seemed to be maladaptive all of a sudden becomes healthy . It shifts your perspective from self-blame to self-understanding . But the real power lies in what comes next . With this newfound understanding , you can start to navigate these behaviors more consciously .

You can begin to question the fears and the beliefs that drive you to extreme emotional responses , and when all of the dust of that mind drama finally settles , you can start to envision a life where you can express your needs and opinions openly , you can set healthy boundaries , make choices that align with your true self , not just the expectations of others .

This is where this self-compassion truly starts to serve you well . The journey of this level of understanding isn't about just changing behaviors . It's about transforming the very wiring of your brain .

With each new choice , each act of self-expression and self-compassion , each boundary that you set successfully , you will gradually paint a new picture of who you really are and who you can actually be . All you have to do is understand the roots of your behavior , and it is always your beliefs .

That is the first step towards the life of greater authenticity and fulfillment , because it is a journey of not changing what you do , not changing who you are , because your essence cannot be changed . It is always pure , it is always 100% worthy . Your essence is a soul that witnessed Allah SWT .

But it is actually about transforming how you see yourself and how you engage in the world , using the exact nervous system , that beautiful nervous system that Allah SWT gave you .

It is just about rewriting the entire story , but doing it one insight , one choice and one act of courage at a time , but also a reality check , knowing this design is not going to make your rejection sensitivity disappear overnight . Awareness , however , is an absolute , essential map that you need to navigate this .

The map does not remove the trees from the jungle , but it provides a path . Considering .

If you were somebody who always had to feel an overwhelming wave of emotion whenever you were faced with rejection or criticism , before understanding the roots of these feelings , you might have felt lost in your emotional world , wondering why you couldn't just shake things off like others seem to be able to do .

Each wave of emotion might have felt like a personal failure , adding yet another layer of isolation and confusion . But with this awareness , with understanding that you , your brain , is wired to feel these emotions more intensely . Your mind is highly perceptual , gifted and attuned . The whole experience changes .

Now , when that wave of emotion comes , you can say to yourself this is my brain's heightened response . It's intense , but it's a known path . This self-talk doesn't stop the emotions , but it provides a lifeline , a way to hold on to your sense of self during the storm .

This knowledge also empowers you to develop strategies that are tailored to help your unique emotional experience . You can recognize the early signs of emotional wave and implement coping strategies before it actually overwhelms you .

This might involve specific breathing exercises , stepping away from the triggering situation or using pre-practiced affirmations that remind you of your strengths and values . This awareness allows you to communicate your needs more effectively to those around you . If you choose to , you can explain why certain comments or situations affect you differently than others .

You can work closer with some people , like your loved ones , and not really bother to explain yourself to others , somebody who are just your acquaintances , or you can be as open about this as you can at a community level and create more supportive environment . This isn't just about managing your emotions .

It's about creating a space where your sensitivity is understood and respected , not a source of shame and frustration for yourself or anybody else . If you resonate with anything I've said in this podcast , the most important person to rely on for support is yourself . Your community will surface around you .

When you show even a little bit of support for yourself , the communal support will reveal itself . You can work on educating everyone involved cousins , neighbors , spouse , colleagues from the closest friend to the farthest connection to the person you passed on the street . Expand your reach as far or as little as possible , and people will show up in your support .

If you show yourself support , invest in yourself . At that level , that investment can look like support from family members , friends , professionals like therapists or coaches . Supporting yourself allows you to create a more nuanced experience for yourself , including getting the level of help you actually need .

Identifying and understanding your own heightened emotional response is like a sailor understanding the sea , just as the sailor learns to recognize a sign of upcoming storms and they know how to navigate through it .

For you , as a Muslim woman with heightened sensitivity to rejection , to criticism , learning to recognize your emotional response and learning how to navigate through them is just like the story of that sailor . This awareness is not just about self-knowledge . It's about empowerment and transformation . This understanding is a call to action .

It's an invitation for you to seek out resources , communities , professionals who acknowledge and understand the unique interplay of culture , faith and neurology .

It's about building a personal toolkit of strategies that resonate with your experiences , things that support you and your emotional well-being , and this might involve traditional therapeutic methods , spiritual practices or community support , or it might include coaching .

It was my highest intention behind developing Islamic life-force school , and that was to be the answer to your du'as . Inshallah , you might just find the answers in coaching with me . Understanding your neurological makeup without judgment is profoundly liberating .

It shifts your perspective from one to self-blame , to self-understanding , and you can see your reactions not as overreactions , but natural responses of your brain's perceived threat . This understanding does not make the pain go away , but it provides context , a reason that goes beyond a personal feeling or a lack of emotional control .

After all , there is no such thing as too sensitive . It's an expression of a society of patriarchy , when culture doesn't understand the strength of a woman's capacity and whatever is misunderstood is always mislabeled , and that label sometimes comes as too sensitive . It was not too long ago that women were literally institutionalized for expressing too many emotions .

Subhanallah , we are living in a world of new understanding and new strengths .

With that I pray to Allah , swa'an-u-dhalla . O Allah the most merciful , grant me the clarity to embrace the unique way you've crafted my mind and emotions as I recognize my feelings and the intense waves . Let this understanding be my anchor . Remind me that my heightened response or not , sensitivity or not , is all a part of your divine design .

Empower me with wisdom to recognize and manage emotions proactively and guide a supportive community to me , where my sensitivity becomes my strength . O Allah , the all-knowing , instill in me the courage to invest in my well-being , turning my journey into self-discovery and into a life of Irsan , constant striving in your submission alone .

Amin yara'bul alameen , please keep me in your du'az . I'll talk to you guys next time .