What Life Coaching is Not

But there are so many misconceptions about life coaching out there that it actually hurts me , so I want to take some time to recognize these belief systems and be able to address them one by one . As much as life coaching is an integral part of my life , there are a lot of people out there who don't know what life coaching is .

They especially don't know what I do is a unique combination . I'm a physician life coach . I'm a board-certified internal medicine physician in practice of hospitalist medicine for more than 10 years , but I'm also a life coach . I do not provide medical diagnosis and treatment in my coaching services .

I do provide coaching services in my treatment of patients , in a sense that I help them see their fears around their disease processes and their limitations they're putting on themselves as they keep themselves away from healing and accessing medical treatment .

Coaching , of course , helps me in my other personal relationships , because I do a better job at perspective taking , active listening and empathizing and , like many other human beings on the planet , I'm a work in progress .

So , given that life coaching is so important to me , there are a lot of people out there who have misconceptions about it , so I'm dedicating this podcast to tell you guys what life coaching is not . Life coaching is not advice giving . Life coaches are not know-it-all .

A lot of people tell me just tell me what to do , just tell me what actions to take , what's the next step . And , trust me , I would gladly do that because it would cut my work in half . But that way you would be living my life , not yours .

What I tell you will be based on what I think , and that might be something that has proven good for me , but it might not be good for you . But , on the other hand , if I teach you how to think for yourself , you can figure out what it is that you need to do . It's analogous to giving you a fish versus teaching you how to fish .

One feeds you for one meal and the other one feeds you for life . I know learning how to manage your mind is more work than just taking advice and doing what you're told , but at the end of this work you will thank me . Clients themselves are experts . I am the expert at showing them their brain .

This allows me to coach successful leaders of multiple industries without me having to be an expert in each industry , because the human brain is universal and its limitations are universal . It doesn't matter what field you're in , the limitations it projects will be the same .

My job is to point out what those limitations are and your job is to choose to pluck them out . You are the highest authority on your life , not your life coach . It doesn't matter who your life coach is or how much you're paying them . The next misconception is life coaching will fix my problems . Life coaching is not about fixing your problems .

Life is 50-50 . It says with every difficulty there is relief , and it says so in the Quran . It doesn't say after every difficulty there is relief . It says that they go along hand in hand . Life is 50-50 . It is not better here than it will be over there in the future . It will always be 50-50 . There's always good things in life and there's always bad .

If you have financial struggles now and you're being tested in such a matter , you might be later tested . With the money that you get , you don't work hard , take action , make efforts because you think after all of that work , your life will be better . Life will always maintain this balance . It will always have this equal contrast .

Life coaching is not about fixing your problems . It's about helping you see through them and around them and helping you navigate them . The next misconception is that life coaching will immediately help me feel better . Well , it might , but you might not want to feel better about every situation .

Life coaching is not about making you feel better about all of your situations , because there will be times where you will appropriately want to feel bad about it , and that will be intentional and called for . The next one has to do with the difference between life coaching and psychotherapy . Life coaching is not therapy .

Psychiatrists and psychotherapists have a different role . They are licensed mental health professionals , usually only allowed to practice within a certain area . A lot of people make a distinction , saying that psychotherapy is past-focused , and yes , that is one of its functions and it does help it stand apart from life coaching .

That is one of its functions and it does help it stand apart from life coaching , because life coaching is very much future focused , but at the same time , saying that psychotherapy is only past focused is very much limiting its modalities .

There are very many other therapeutic treatment options available in psychotherapy that are other than just talk therapy or figuring out where and why these limiting beliefs are originating from . In life coaching we explore that as well , but psychotherapy goes into much more detail with that Plus .

Psychiatrists are medical doctors that are able to provide prescriptions for medications like psychotropic agents , antidepressants , and sometimes that is probably what you need . Life coaches can do no such thing . They cannot diagnose and they cannot prescribe .

One other thing that life coaches are not doing , especially the one that operate from my theory of life coaching , is that they're not investigating and reinvestigating what happened in the past , because that wires the brain to think like the past . That way , you recreate the same future .

Life coaches help people who are functioning rather independently and want to renew their brain with a new clarity and progress in their life . People with a mental health diagnosis on medications can also hire life coaches when they're stable on therapeutic modalities like therapy or medication .

One upper hand life coaching might have has to do with the stigma that is attached to therapy , mental illness and psychiatrists . If you're reluctant to seek out therapy because of the cultural stigma attached to it , life coaching might be a better alternative for you . It never replaces psychotherapy . Neither modality replaces each other . They complement each other .

So if you want to overcome some cultural discomfort about how to improve the self , then please look into life coaching . So the licensed mental health professions are heavily regulated and life coaching is not . It is mostly an unregulated industry which comes with its own good and bad , and I will talk about it in a little bit .

Psychiatrists , psychotherapists , life coaches help you gain the muscle of insight . That muscle of insight is absolutely necessary before you can embark on any transformation of any sort . If you want to advance your life , you have to have insight as to where you're stuck . This muscle of insight is what helps you see the limitations so you can actually work on them .

One benefit that life coaches might have is that most of the people that seek out life coaching actually have some level of insight that they need some work . They're just afraid of what they're finding after they start to look inwards and they start to do this work . As a life coach , I show them that there's nothing to be afraid of .

You are whole and complete and you will be whole and complete with and without life coaching .

Another limitation I run into is people tell me life coaching is bad branding . People say you're a board-certified physician , why do you call yourself a life coach ? One industry , again , is heavily regulated and the other one unregulated . They tell me why are you bringing yourself to a lower level ? I am a proud physician life coach , again .

Admittedly , life coaching is not a regulated industry and anyone can start calling themselves a life coach without any formal training or licensing . But that doesn't mean the entire industry is of a low standard . Yes , there are people who call themselves life coaches but are straight up con artists , and I do not speak on behalf of bad apples .

There might be some bad physicians in the healthcare industry dragging the name of the industry down with them . There might be some priests or some imams that are not of appropriate moral standards . That does not mean that the entire clergy of all the religions is a bad branding . What few people do in a name of a profession says nothing about the profession .

Keep your mind open and find out who can help you where , and if you do come across a bad apple , don't let it ruin your entire impression of an industry , because you will miss out on such a huge gift . The next misconception has to do with people putting life coaches on a pedestal . Life coaches are not perfect human beings . No one on earth is .

My life is just as 50-50 as anybody else's . I have to constantly manage my mind . I have to constantly take the garbage out of my brain that my default brain creates . I engage in self-coaching . I hire a life coach . I utilize every modality to up-level my thoughts and feelings . Anything that I could get my hands on I'll do in order to improve my experience .

I suggest you do not put life coaches on a pedestal . They are human beings . They make mistakes . I make mistakes . What might set me apart from other human beings is my willingness to look into my mistakes and learn from them , my willingness to accept the discomfort that comes with being an imperfect human being . I move into that discomfort .

The next one has to do with life coaches being your partners in problem solving . Life coaches are not your partners . They might be next to you , helping guide you . They might be pointing out where work needs to be done . The choice of doing the work is always yours .

Of course , the client consent to do this work is necessary just so the client doesn't feel gaslighted , because the willingness to question their underlying belief has everything to do with the client being able to dismantle them . Life coaches are in service of you . If it helps you think of them as your partners , that's fine .

But that can very easily translate into a codependent type of relationship where every time the client is in pain , they're looking for the life coach to help them get out of it Again . My job as a life coach is to help you see how to come out of your pain , or how to not create it in the first place .

What happens is the human brain has a lot of ingrained biases and they don't let us see the fork in the road and we don't see a choice in the matter . When it comes to making daily life decisions , people live their entire lives at the mercy of things and the world outside of them .

A life coach's job is to point out to you where the choice actually lies , where the fork in the road is . Partnership to me sounds like I make some choices and you make some choices . It's actually not like that at all .

I show you all the choices , you make all the decisions , and if you can't make decisions , that is also something a life coach will help you with . Life coaches themselves need coaches , because who's checking in with my limitations ? Most of my neurological function happens under my radar . That is the subconscious function .

So if I'm not aware of these , how am I going to fix them ? That's why I myself have a life coach . Next item on the list of what life coaching is not is that it's not a get-rich-quick scheme . Just because it is unregulated and it doesn't require a standard level of education does not mean that people start throwing money at you .

This , I believe , is the most beautiful part of a capitalist society , where the majority of people decide what product or service is worth investing in , and if a client feels something was transformational , of course they will give you their money for it . But your service and your product has to be that good . So the same standard of acceptance applies .

If you're getting into life coaching because you have dreams of getting rich overnight , this is not the field for you . Some people see this as a challenge and do their best and show up as great life coaches . The rest of the people stand there complain that life coaching is a scam just because they didn't get rich .

Next item is that life coaching is not a judgment of your existing life . Most of the clients that come to me are tired of judging their current standing . When they cannot provide themselves a non-judgmental point of view of their life , they hire a life coach .

If you feel judged by a life coach , they're probably not doing a good job , because that is one of their main purposes to provide you clean space to investigate what can be improved upon . At the same time , I need you to keep an open mind about the difference between gaslighting and cognitive dissonance .

People will say , oh , I completely feel dismissed , my life coach completely dismissed my experience , and that might be happening . But there is a certain discomfort associated with cognitive dissonance , meaning you're going into life coaching with a limiting belief and limiting identity and the life coach shows you that this is what you're doing .

Do you want to change it In the name of self-preservation ? You would not want to give up that identity and you will hold on to it with your dear life . And if life coach pushes you a little bit , you might have a tendency to say that I was dismissed as a person .

You might want to hold that belief but also might want to consider the discomfort that you're going through a cognitive dissonance experience , meaning you're breaking down an old identity and you get to build a new one on top of it .

So on one hand , gaslighting will feel like being dismissed and not being acknowledged , while a life coach is trying to push you through cognitive dissonance , pushing your limits , trying to help you up level , trying to help you see your limitations that might just be lying under your awareness .

This type of clarity would feel uncomfortable , but you will see the truth in it . Life coaching does not make you more intelligent . It does make you wiser . Does not make you more intelligent . It does make you wiser . One is a left brain fixed function that is usually measured by the IQ Not measured perfectly , in my opinion , but it is measurable .

On the other hand , being wise is a right brain function which is infinitely more available to you than your IQ is . Most people that don't self-actualize don't do it because they cannot tap into their wisdom , not because they're not smart enough . Everyone is born with the smarts they need to fulfill their life's purpose .

Not everyone taps into their wisdom to be able to do it . The next one is a good one . Life coaching is not a cult . If you join or hire a life coach and it feels cultish to you , then take it as a huge warning sign . Life coaching is not about it's my way or the highway .

Life coaching is not a pyramid scheme , but if any industry is gaining financial traction , people will try and manipulate it for their benefit .

It's known that life coaching has been used for this type of advantage , and such people will create life coaching schools and create quick certification schemes where they certify you as a life coach and they tell you , the more people you can certify , you get to keep some part of their certification fee , turning it into a pyramid scheme , and people fall into it

with false promises and tricks and dreams of making millions of dollars . You can make a million dollars as a life coach , but it takes a lot more than certification and empty promises . It takes dedication , wisdom and being able to separate yourself with non-judgment to the entire humankind .

If you get certified from a school that promises you that you can then turn around and certify 10 more people and keep a part of that money , this is a red flag . Be aware of what you're getting into . Again , if that's what you choose to do , that's always up to you , but make an informed decision .

Next one is that life coaching is not an atheist or an agnostic belief system . Life coaching can actually be very spiritual , and if you listen to my podcast , I intricately integrate the two . Life coaching is not used instead of religion and spirituality . It can actually be used to enhance it .

Spirituality is a value we create , which is why our faith waxes and wanes . Some days we find ourselves on a spiritual high and other days we can barely concentrate in our prayers .

Mind and body play a huge role in this , and when we think that our spirituality is somehow just falling upon us from the sky , we will fall short of making the most of the spirituality and the depth of faith that we can create with our minds .

In my approach to life coaching , I use all the foundational blocks of psychology and spirituality , ones that have been modernized and the others that come from traditional Islamic values , but the goal is to eventually reach what I call the highest level of soulful intelligence . There are different levels of awareness and enlightenment .

First would be mindfulness , where you can be present with your thoughts and your body , and you can be present in the now . You are present with your loved ones , in the moment , making the most out of it .

This type of mindfulness takes practice , then the next level could be emotional intelligence , where you can be exquisitely aware of your emotions and how to create them and what to do with them , how to control them and how to utilize them . You get all the results you want based on these emotions that you have complete command over .

The next level has to do with soulful intelligence , which incorporates both of the other building blocks of mindfulness and heartfulness , until we reach a level of soulful intelligence that is required by us in the religion of Islam . In this journey of leveling up , we drop the old and we build the new .

Every organic system in the universe relies on this wear and tear and the rebuilding process to grow . I do believe that soulful intelligence is the pinnacle of all intelligences .

It encompasses everything that science and humanities have to offer , everything that science and humanities have to offer , and in achieving this highest level of soulful intelligence , we can create success in this world and the next inshallah

. With that , I make dua to Allah SWT that he makes us among the successful in this life and the after . May Allah give us the building blocks of mindfulness and heartfulness to achieve the highest level of soulfulness . Our soul is our direct connection to Allah . We have to polish our minds and hearts to be able to get to it .

May Allah help us lift the cultural stigma attached to mental health and give Muslims access to life coaching and other mental health modalities . I pray for clarity in my message and I pray that this podcast reaches you in a way that shifts your perspective on how life coaching can help you . Inshallah , please keep me in your du'as .

I will talk to you guys next time .