Thought Work Scale

Do you have difficulty believing that you have the best shaped body ? You look in the mirror and think there's nothing I would change about my appearance . Yeah , no , it doesn't really happen like that for most of us . When was the last time that happened to you ? You looked in the mirror and you accepted everything you saw .

Even if you're an expert in your mindset , around your body image , there's always a thought that sneaks in there I wish my nose was smaller . Or you just turn and look in the mirror and you say to yourself I wish the side handles were just a tad less .

The further you are from thinking that your body is perfect , the harder the thought work is to accept your body the way it is . You are a 10 on a thought work scale . Say what Thought work scale . What is that ? Well , I'm glad you asked , because that is exactly what we're going to be talking about today .

If , after some reflection , you keep finding that acceptance of your body you're in is very difficult for you . It's because you are in a belief system that you can never accept your body the way it is , for whatever reason . That might be your features , your weight . All of this is a false belief .

I might add Still a belief the thoughts that my body is perfect and acceptable to me the way it is . It is very hard for you . A difficulty level of 10 . The amount of work it takes to accept a circumstance as neutral and change your thoughts around it is highly variable , and that is what we're going to be talking about today through the ThoughtWork Scale .

When I say make the circumstance neutral , I don't mean force it to be neutral when it actually is not . I mean do the thought work until you see it as neutral , because it is always neutral . We just lose the sight of it every so often because our thoughts misguide us . We get into thought error , and that's okay because that's a part of being human .

Depending on how charged the situation is for you , that is how far you'll be from being able to change your thoughts around it . I've developed a thought work skill that will help you see how difficult it is for you to go from a negative thought to a one that serves you , going from I hate my body . Therefore , I eat to to hide my emotions to .

I love my body . The way it is , body is neutral . The amount of work it requires for you to change your thoughts around this neutral circumstance can be represented on a thought work scale . This tool is extremely helpful in the self-coaching movement I'm trying to create among Muslim women . In the medical field we use a pain scale .

Patients' pain is highly subjective . Only they know how much pain they're feeling . Then how would a clinician quantify so that they can adjust the medication accordingly ? Donna Wong and Connie Baker came up with the Wong-Baker FACES pain rating scale .

It was originally designed to help children effectively communicate their pain , but now it is a tool used worldwide for all patients to identify their pain level . It goes from 0 to 10 on a number line , 0 being no pain and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt .

The subjective pain of the patients becomes an objective , measurable entity for the clinicians and nurses to measure and treat . Super helpful , super successful . So in an attempt to make thought work subjective , I came up with the thought work scale . It looks very much like a pain scale .

Imagine a number line from 0 to 10 , 0 being no difficulty of the thought work , 10 being extremely difficult . 10 seems impossible . Thought that is zero on the scale comes very easily to you . Thought that is 10 on the scale might seem like outside of the realms of possibility . For example , the husband said you are a disgrace of a mother .

When he said those words to you , you immediately felt anger , upset , shame or a storm of other emotions . The circumstance of husband's words seemed to have evoked feelings for you . The thought work in the middle was so short-lived and quick that it seemed to not have existed Thoughts . In this case , that might have been . How dare he ?

He is the disgrace of a father . What does he ever do to help with the kids ? He always disrespects me , on and on and on . These thoughts are zero on the thought-work scale and they come extremely easily to you , so much so that they are automatic , subconscious and almost non-existent .

Circumstance husband's words caused your anger , a feeling , but we know that is never the case , because if the circumstances caused feelings , then every woman in that circumstance will feel the same . All women would feel angry , but we know from evidence of human collective experience that different women would have different feelings .

Somebody might feel extreme sadness , someone might feel shame , someone guilt , others might find it amusing and someone might not be bothered at all . They will brush it off like it never happened .

The reason why everyone reacts so differently is because everyone has different thoughts about the same circumstance , making the circumstance neutral and that is a beautiful thing , because thoughts are under our control . Never forget that you can only control your thoughts . That is not a limiting statement .

You can only control your thoughts does not mean that you're limited . This is a very abundant statement , because human beings create everything from thoughts . Now , by the way , this example I'm not condoning the husband's behavior Just because you are a neutral circumstance to someone does not mean that you have permission to mistreat them .

Same goes for all women who listen to this podcast . Don't think that . Well , I'm a neutral circumstance to somebody else , so let me mistreat them or yell at them . Whenever you treat somebody else like that , you arereat them or yell at them .

Whenever you treat somebody else like that , you are causing more thought work for them , and unfortunately , not everyone is so well versed on this thought work . So by reacting to the situation , you will only escalate it , but that's a topic for another podcast , I digress .

So going back to the example when husband says you are a disgrace of a mother , you also have an option to think he , he loves me , he wants what's best for the family , he is having a hard day , he is a good guy . These thoughts are a 10 on the ThoughtWorks scale because they seem outside of the realm of possibility .

They are very difficult for you , or at least in the moment . Husband's words you are a disgrace of a mother . Do not make you sad . Your thoughts do . That is a very difficult pill to swallow sometimes , especially if the situation is charged . Not feeling anger , resentment or sadness from your husband's words is a 10 on a thought work scale .

It seems impossible . The next example has to do with chocolate cake . And if chocolate cake doesn't do it for you , insert a sugary delight of your choice . Sometimes we tell ourselves chocolate cake makes me happy . So telling yourself that chocolate cake , which is a circumstance , makes you happy , a feeling .

The thought work required from a circumstance to a feeling was literally automatic . It was zero . It was very easy for you to think and associate chocolate cake directly with happiness . This has to do with the dopamine reward system , in this case , the neurotransmitter surge is so strong that the dopamine reward system hijacks conscious thinking .

It leaves no room for conscious thoughts . And we continue to eat chocolate cake because it makes us happy . There is always a thought in between . It is automatic and it is subconscious . It is a zero on the thought scale . Chocolate cake does not make you happy . Your thoughts about the chocolate cake do , and that is a 10 on a thought work scale .

Chocolate cake has nothing to do with happiness . Another difficult thought might be I don't have to have cake to feel happy . With the example of infertility , having kids will make me happy . Zero on a thought work scale . Thought is automatic , extremely ingrained , because mostly of cultural and societal conditioning , we believe that kids will make us happy .

A woman's identity depends on bearing children , so never having given birth is okay . I can be happy without ever getting pregnant or having children . All of these thoughts are a 10 on a thought work scale . Seems impossible to think that A diagnosis of infertility does not make me sad , upset , anxious or angry . My thoughts do .

It is very difficult to believe that Diagnosis is a neutral circumstance . There are multiple examples in the world where women don't have any children and are perfectly happy . How do they do that ? It's because of the thought work . Diagnosis of a cancer does not make you sad , upset , anxious or angry . May Allah protect us from all of these types of tests .

Even cancer is a neutral circumstance . It is outside of you , it is out of your control . Different people will have different thoughts about a cancer diagnosis , making it a neutral circumstance . So why go through this process of imagining yourself on a thought scale and monitoring your progress ?

Because , first of all , it forces you to realize that all circumstances are neutral , and when you do that , you have liberated yourself from being controlled . When you start to believe that your thoughts cause your emotional state , then you can actually gain control of your life , and that is a beautiful , powerful thing .

Another thing that happens is that when you see that the circumstance is neutral , you can then start to discover where you are on the thought work scale . You can create any result you want by making the thoughts easy that lead to that result . I want to create joy in my marriage . That is the result I want .

Then how much thought work do I have to do to create that result ? I want to live a fulfilling life with a diagnosis of cancer . How much thought work do I have to do to create that result ? Some people lose the purpose of their lives after losing a loved one .

Thought work of making life meaningful after the death of your spouse or your best friend , your life partner , seems monumentally difficult . After we allow emotions of grief , sadness , all of that thought work can still be done and should be done so we don't fall into despair and we don't accidentally be in the disobedience of Allah .

May Allah protect all of us from facing difficult thought work . But if you are facing a difficult situation and thought work of finding joy and happiness seems like a 10 , then you should know that this is a journey you are meant to take and Allah never burdens anyone with anything they are not capable of handling .

My brain used to tell me I'm a total failure , failing at marriage , failing at parenting , friendships , career . The list went on and on and on . I tried positive thinking affirmations , kind of like forcing your brain to repeat something that your emotions don't agree with . It didn't work .

I stood in front of the mirror day in and day out , repeating to myself like a chant you're a good mother , you're good at your job . All of that did not work . Mind and body were in total asynchrony .

So here at Islamic Life Coach School , we gives you a tool that take you through this journey Finding fulfillment at the end of a struggle , find joy after sadness , find excitement after boredom , find purpose after being lost . We have coaching sessions to provide guidance , just so you can take that thought work journey .

Go from a 10 to a 0 when it comes to finding your bliss . If I can do it , so can you . I had zero confidence that I would ever be able to break out of the trap I was in . I thought that's how life was supposed to be . Oh boy was I wrong .

Thought work with the coach completely turned that around . I still had to do the work , but the coach was there to guide me . I went from everything makes me miserable , which was a zero on a thought scale , to everything brings me joy . After some practice , that became the default easy thought for me .

A total opposite thought became automatic for me and it was magical . I still live in the fruits of that labor every day . There is always going to be thought work required . Some thoughts are automated because of repetition and have become subconscious because of the brain's efficiency . My in-laws are abusive Zero thought work comes automatically .

You have overwhelming evidence provided to you courtesy of your brain priming . That is very , very efficient . It keeps making you believe that in-laws , verbal abuse , causes your misery . The work there is zero . In-laws are people .

They say things around you , at you , towards you , about you , but they are still words that you have the opportunity to apply your thoughts and interpret . In-laws do not cause my misery . Maybe a 5 for some people , maybe a 10 for others on the thought work scale . Same in-laws can make me happy . My in-laws are loving .

Definitely a 10 on a thought work scale . For a lot of us . That is too difficult of work for you to believe . Right now . It seems impossible , but it can be done . It has been done . I do it with my clients day in and day out , but , as usual , there is no one forcing you to do this type of work .

Ironically , all thought work is up to you , depending on if you want to create misery or joy for yourself . The benefit of doing this thought work so you can come out of hate , frustration , aggravation and judgment for others is when you are feeling all those feelings . People outside of you are not affected by it , only you are .

So if you do the work of changing your mindset , only you will see the benefit of it . Thoughts like I can never be a CEO , I can never publish a book , I can never manage employees , I can't ask for a raise . All zero on a thought work scale .

Of them come super easy , super fast , automatic and all seem factual and are all subconscious because of their repetitive nature . But these are all thoughts . I can be the head of the department like my other experienced male colleagues . I can run a multi million dollar corporation might be an eight for some , ten , 10 for others .

The higher the ambitions , the more difficult on the thought work scale . I can make $100,000 a year , maybe a 5 or a 6 . I can make $10 million a year , a 10 on a thought work scale . All of this also applies to actions that we think are automatic .

You picking up the phone to check messages after the phone buzzed seemed to be like a compulsive action that you had no control over . But in reality the subconscious thought is I better pick up the phone or I'll miss out on something important . Zero thought work was required . It was automatic .

For me personally , the compulsion is that I have to delete all of the notifications from my phone . I don't like any red notifications . It might be an OCD tendency , but requires zero thought work on my part . It's super easy and automatic .

What is actually higher on a difficulty scale for me is not checking the phone every five minutes , not picking it up every time there is a notification , not acting on every buzz , every ping . All of this is very high on the thought work scale . It is difficult Maybe a five or a 6 for some or 10 for others .

So the point I'm trying to drive home with all of these examples that might seem repetitive is that there is always thought work . Automatic is zero . Something that seems impossible is a 10 .

The power of self-monitoring on this thought work scale is that you can create anything in your life from your brain and you can make positive , reaffirming thoughts a zero on the scale . That will give you your desired result . Can you imagine if all positive thoughts came automatically to us ? That would be such an easier life to live .

Even the compulsive actions of drug addicts were conscious thoughts . At some point they might have thought . Let me just try this . Let me see what it feels like . Let me see how it goes . If everyone is doing it , I can too . This might be fun . There's no harm in doing it just once .

But the problem is with these highly addictive drugs that the strong dopamine hit leads to addictive behavior and all the thoughts in between become automatic . You don't even have to have the drug in front of you for you to have that craving for the dopamine hit Drug addicts .

Habits alone are enough to trigger the behavior , because there's absolutely no thought work required to engage in that action . The strong dopamine reward system of the brain suppressed all logical thoughts in order to get the next pleasure hit .

Same is true for any other type of addictive behavior sexual promiscuity leading to affairs , addiction to food leading to overeating and being overweight all of these items of pleasure apparently seem to quiet our feelings because the thought work required in the absence of these items is too difficult , seems impossible . It is a 10 .

For every action , however seemingly small , if it seems compulsive . For example , you're sitting on a couch after a long day of work and want to watch TV to relax . Tv does not cause your relaxation , it makes the thought work easy . Now you don't have to ruminate about the boss's attitude , the problems during the meeting .

Now you can just distract yourself with easy thought work . Tv is fun and entertaining , taking all of the difficult thought work out of the picture . So the next day you do the same thing , and the day after that , until watching TV after work becomes a compulsion .

It seems like an automatic behavior , something you have to do , but the eventual result is that your goals fall to the wayside , your family goes ignored and you wonder why you can't step out of this cycle . It's because all of the work has become unconscious and it's hard for you to identify what to even change . Tv brings pleasure . Thought work is zero .

Everything in life can be broken down to thought work . My friends , how much work are you looking at in any given situation ? How much work are you willing to put in you ? Trying to change the situation will not make that work easy for you . It just temporarily gives you that effect because you have provided yourself with a relief .

If you change your jobs because you were unhappy at your previous job , you have broken free from the mistreatment of the boss , those constant deadlines until you're at your new job and you have less benefits and less time off , and that becomes the source of your aggravation .

Now you don't have to worry about the thought work about your boss being difficult because you've escaped the situation . But now your thoughts about less benefits causing you hardship also becomes a problem because you never managed your mind . You carry that effect in every facet of your life . So learn for yourself how difficult of a situation it is for you .

Start working on it , making the thought work easy . Make the circumstance neutral . That is the only way to create sustainable results , because every time you switch a circumstance , you are taking the same mind to the next circumstance and your brain will find faults everywhere it goes , because it remains unmanaged .

Never leave a situation from a place of resentment , scarcity . If you abandon a situation because you believe that leaving will make you happy , you will fail because your brain will follow everywhere you go . You will start seeing faults in the new system because all this time you've only treated the symptoms , not the source .

The source of your symptoms is your thoughts . So ask yourself what thoughts are coming easy for you in any given circumstance . Most of us negative thoughts are on repeat and thus become a zero , automatic and easy . The work is to make positive thoughts easy and automatic . If positive thoughts about your self-confidence are a 10 , start that journey now .

As a life coach , I'm trained to monitor your progress and guide you through until you have completed that bridge from a 10 to a 0 . But , as the human condition goes , nothing is permanent .

We will set higher goals or something unexpected happens in our circumstance , like we lose a job , we have a flat tire on our way to an important meeting and all positive thoughts become a 10 again .

That's okay because , with coaching , once you've gone through that process of going from 10 to a zero on thoughts that give you desired results , you can repeat that process in any situation . And that , my friend , is where the magic lies . That is where your investment pays off your investment of time in yourself , your effort and your money .

You can lather , rinse , repeat the same process and live a life of your design , way above the emotional intelligence level of an average human being .

I pray to Allah , subhanahu wa ta'ala , that thought work becomes non-existent when it comes to believing in his religion of Islam . I pray to Allah that thought work becomes non-existent when it comes to believing in His religion of Islam .

I pray that we live , eat and breathe in obedience of Allah and believe so hard and so deep that nothing can deter us from His religion . I pray that Allah makes the thought work easy for us when it comes to finding success in Qur'an and Sunnah .

I pray that thoughts towards the teachings of Islam become automatic so that when we leave this world , it's automatic for us to leave with the Shahada on our tongues . I pray that we find our true and sincere reason to do the work in our situation .

I pray that the thought work skill becomes a new tool for you to measure your success in mind management , because what we measure is what we can succeed at . I pray for a successful life for all of you in this world and the next . I will talk to you guys next time .