Taking Effective Action

For most of my clients , they're stuck at a place where they can't figure out why they can't lose weight , why they can't get a promotion , why they can't get themselves to take their board exams , why can't they move further in life .

They seem to be stuck inside an invisible glass box , something they can't seem to push through , something that's holding them back , weighing them down . So clients have all these dreams and ideas about things they want to do , places they want to visit and explore , but can't seem to get anything done . They keep asking me why is it that I can't eat healthy ?

Why is it that I can't keep up with my workouts ? I seem to be spending hours on social media , regardless of how much I try to discipline myself against it . Why do I get constantly angry ? Why can't I be kind to my kids , to my spouse or my colleagues ?

To answer all of those questions , I revisit the formula with my clients , the formula CTFAR , basically an abbreviation of how humans operate in this world . There are circumstances in the world , which is the C in this model . They are the things that we cannot control . That includes the past and the present , also the people outside of you .

That is what anybody said , anybody did . All circumstances are neutral . That is the only thing in the model that is out of your control . Everything else can be controlled , and that includes the thoughts , feelings , actions and the results .

The error that most humans operate under is that we think that either everything is in our control , including the circumstance , or nothing is in our control , including our thoughts . Both cases are extremes and untrue . Circumstances are not in our control , but thoughts and everything after that is in our control .

The reason why human beings are in error is because they don't believe thoughts are in their control , because they are responding to subconscious thoughts most of their lives , thoughts that they are not aware of . These thoughts lead to feelings that are vibrations in your body . Our feelings fuel our actions . That's the way Allah SWT designed human beings .

He gave our brains power of generating neurochemicals and those neurochemicals are perceived as different vibrations or emotions in our body . Those emotions are like stress , anxiety , joy , fulfillment , sadness , anger . These emotions are the whole reason human beings either perform an action or avoid an action .

So what it boils down to is that your actions come from feelings and your feelings come from your thoughts . Then wouldn't it be important to know what you're thinking ? So all of this explanation so far was just so . I can prove to you that the reason why you're not able to take an action is because of your thoughts .

And , believe it or not , it is very good news because your thoughts are in your control . Nobody really taught us this life-changing concept . So when my clients ask me , why am I not taking action or why can't I stay persistent with something , it's because of the way you think , the way you feel or the way you want to avoid feeling .

So these thoughts are sentences in your mind that create your feelings . The feelings are the fuel to generate actions . Those actions give you results you're currently living . If you're living an undesired result , chances are you're acting on primal brain thoughts , also known as the NUPS . You also have the higher brain , which is the other source of your thoughts .

The reason why you're not able to take effective action is because you have never been taught to be aware of your thinking . You don't know what you're thinking and you keep acting on ineffective unconscious thoughts leading to no results .

In order to take effective actions , you absolutely have to know what you're thinking , because the formula I gave you , ctfar , is universally true . It is an extremely simple rendering of cognitive psychology . It was made for self-coaching , so human beings can get themselves out of the rut of their own lives that they've created .

There isn't a single area in life where this model does not hold true . In order to make your actions count , you have to know what you're thinking . For that you have to develop a skill of being a compassionate observer of your thoughts . The key here is to be a compassionate observer . We have never been taught to witness our thinking . It is a practice .

It is done through the teachings of contemplation in our tradition . It is a practice that all prophets of Allah engaged in . All prophets peace and blessings be upon all of them were shepherds . They used their daytime to ponder , contemplate , think and observe . For someone who has never done this before , this process takes practice .

This practice is watching your mind think , and it requires you to separate yourself from your mind . That separation can be done . And not only can it be done , it actually is available to every adult human being on the planet , every adult human being that is psychologically of sound mind .

Notice all children and some adults that are not of sound mind either due to disease , trauma or developmental delay . Basically , the population that cannot engage in observation of their own thinking is also the population that is not held accountable for their actions on the day of judgment . Do you notice how beautiful this design is , guys ? Alhamdulillah .

People that are incapable of engaging in curious observations of their thoughts are also the people that are not responsible for their actions on the last day . The rest of us are responsible , so it is only in our favor to start developing the skill of monitoring our thoughts , because those thoughts are what leads to actions and we will be judged on those .

You can watch your brain think in a practice of meditation . The one I most commonly practice is that I write everything down and then I observe all the sentences I've written down . It becomes difficult to deny what you're thinking when it's written right in front of you in hard ink .

At the same time , it becomes easier to observe what you're thinking when it's written in front of you . So after this step , a lot of my clients will come back to me and tell me that they've started observing their thoughts and they do not like what they find . This is actually pretty common , because you've spent your entire life turned away from your thoughts .

Once you learn how to recognize them , you find out that you have a lot of negative thoughts , and it can become overwhelming For an average person when they start this process . It is equal to this analogy Imagine you've collected items all of your life in a house without actually realizing what you're doing .

One day you decide you want to look and see what is inside the house , so you turn the light on . As soon as you can see the mess of a house you've created , you immediately fall back , thinking that this is too overwhelming and you want to shut the lights off immediately . But that light is the only way you can actually start to clean up the house .

Such is the case with consciousness , the house . Such is the case with consciousness . When you shed light on your subconscious thoughts and bring them into consciousness , so much drama , fear and overwhelm comes up that the first instinct is to revert back to unconsciousness . But that is not the solution . Without bringing those thoughts to surface .

You'll stay stuck exactly where you are because those subconscious thoughts are causing feelings , actions or no actions in most cases and then results .

So if you've never directed your mind before , if you've never deliberately told it what to think , you've never taught it what to think , then your mind is going to be a collection of negative thoughts , and that's okay . Once again , when you discover for the first time , the immediate reaction is to run away from it and suppress the thoughts .

It's natural , it happens to all of us . You can sort all of this mess out . Once you start this process , once you keep that light on , once you start to supervise your mind , the thoughts will not be running rampant after a while and you can maintain that process and continue to clean up the painful thoughts that might come up .

If you try to change your life just from the action line of the CTFAR , it will not work . This is where most of us are trying to create change from when we're trying to do something to better our lives . I'm going to force myself to go to do something to better our lives . I'm going to force myself to go to the gym three times a week .

I'm going to force myself to make the kids lunches at night to make my life a little easier in the mornings . I'm going to get myself to work much harder to earn that promotion . All of these are from the action line and those actions will be forceful .

If your subconscious says the promotion is not possible , going to the gym is too hard , the thoughts and the feelings will not be in alignment with the actions . You will be in constant conflict and competition with yourself .

This type of white knuckling through to get your behavior to change will repeatedly have you run out of energy , only to start the cycle again . Let me give you an example . A very common struggle I come across with among my clients has to do with weight loss . They tell me they want to eat less and they want to be more active .

They schedule time for workouts , they meal plan , but when time comes to actually carrying through to this plan consistently , they are unable to do it . So one of my clients was in a similar situation and was having difficulty following through a meal plan . She continued to fall back on eating processed and sugary foods and she couldn't figure out why .

So one of these times in a private session , I asked her what are you feeling when you're reaching for that snack . She told me that she was feeling disappointed . So we did an exercise and I asked her to dig deep and find that sentence that was making her feel disappointed . It turns out she was thinking I'm not good at this .

She was thinking I'm not good at this in some shape or form in almost all areas of her life , from her work to studies , because she had tried many times and she was not able to lose weight in the past . Because she had tried many times and she was not able to lose weight in the past .

So every time she sat down to eat healthy or to work out , she would feel disappointment ahead of time Because she was subconsciously thinking to herself I'm not good at this . That kept her in a cycle where she kept coming off of her diet and exercise plan and kept gaining weight . Disappointment is a very low frequency vibration .

That emotion in itself is not likely to generate any action , especially leading to weight loss . When you're feeling disappointed , you're going to be laying on the couch watching Netflix and eating chips . You're not going to be following through to your meal plan or exercising . Not going to be following through to your meal plan or exercising .

So this entire time she was forcing herself to take action , telling herself I have to change my diet , I have to exercise Again , trying to change the action line , all the while thinking that it's not going to matter anyways and that she's not good at this . And when this thought did not lead to any results , she was stuck in a cycle of ineffective action .

No amount of forceful action was going to make a difference . So many of us are stuck in a similar cycle for different goals . I want to start a blog . I want to be a social media influencer , but I can't seem to generate any momentum . I want to live a comfortable lifestyle . I want a car , a house to myself . I can't seem to achieve any of that .

All of the unachieved results , the unactualized dreams , are because of your subconscious thoughts . After this realization , the clients can be in constant shame , where they'll start to beat themselves up for not realizing this earlier or having any negative thoughts . My job as a coach is to not let them stay there .

I say to them let's understand this with compassion , let's be curious about why you're thinking I'm not good at this . Why is your brain coming up with that ? I pushed my clients to understand their actions with curiosity and fascination . Why is it that you're doing what you're doing ? So my client , who was feeling disappointed .

I told her to notice it next time it happened and I coached her not to change thought immediately . I told her to stay in compassion and understanding for herself until she came up with the reason behind what she was thinking . She had to be patient with herself .

But when she was able to hold that space and be in curiosity with herself , then the patterns started to emerge . She was always connecting her current actions with failures . She had been through so many diet and exercise plans and failed them all .

She had gone through years of back and forth without any results and all of those patterns kept re-emerging where she was living from past thinking , not being able to change the future . When she was able to provide acceptance to herself from there , she was allowed to decide if she wanted to change her thinking or not . You cannot struggle yourself into change .

You cannot beat yourself . You cannot force yourself into change . The only way your actions will be effective is when you are in a place of love and understanding of yourself . Place of love and understanding of yourself .

If you do not observe that kind of understanding , love and compassion for yourself , not only will your change be ineffective , you will buckle under the pressure of everything you're always forcing yourself to do , you will always have a battle of willpower and staying constant , and your energy will run out .

Most of the time , just a compassionate awareness of these patterns will diminish them . Even of the time , just a compassionate awareness of these patterns will diminish them . Even if the origins of these thought patterns are from your childhood , they can be handled through coaching and learning self-coaching techniques .

So let's summarize Every action you take in life is because of a feeling and every feeling is because of a thought . So if you want to examine why you are not taking actions or you keep taking some actions that you don't want , find out what is the feeling and the thought behind it .

Why are you spending time on TikTok after work for hours when you meant to spend time with the family ? That action of spending time on TikTok is coming from a feeling . That's coming from a thought . Spend time in your mind . Find out what that thought is . It's the only way to make effective change in your actions .

When you come into awareness of that thought , then ask yourself why are you thinking what ? You're thinking From a place of understanding , instead of badgering yourself for having that thought . Change can only come from that place of understanding instead of badgering yourself for having that thought .

Change can only come from that place of understanding and effective action can only come from a place of compassionate observation . And the shortest method to make your action count what I call effective action can only come from a place of compassionate observation of your thinking .

With that , I thank Allah SWT for giving us the ability to observe our thoughts , for the gift of consciousness and for the strength of holding our thoughts with compassionate curiosity . I pray that we can continue to strengthen the voice of this inner dialogue so we can hear what our minds and our bodies are trying to tell us .

I pray that we can take the most effective action that fulfills our vision of being on this earth . I will talk to you guys next time .