Self Care isn't about YOU

Today I wanted to talk about a very common theme that I see in my practice of coaching and that has to do with either a woman that will be facing a challenge and difficulty keeping up with their busy schedule , or difficult relationship that she doesn't know how to handle , or an ambition that's going unmet , or her inability to keep attention at tasks that is

taking a toll on personal and professional performance . Among all of these seemingly unrelated scenarios , there is a common underlying theme and that is that women have a lot of judgment for themselves .

This judgment blocks compassionate questioning , it blocks self-reflection , it blocks recognition of points of control over human and when that information is not available , human beings keep circling in the problem . That's when these women try and seek out coaching . Of course , everyone is always welcome to seek coaching . I get coaching .

This is not to discourage you from seeking help . I practice all of these ideas that I describe in this podcast and I get coaching regularly . I'm saying the lack of self-compassion , self-love and unconditional self-acceptance is the primary process behind your inability to come out of your difficulties . So if self-love is the answer , why aren't women practicing it more ?

I mean , it should be easy . It's recommended by every change worker that I know of . It feels really good once you get a hang of it . So why don't more people engage in it ? Why don't more people create self-love ? And that's because unconditional self-acceptance is much easier said than done .

Staying in compassion and loving understanding of yourself , with your strengths and with your shortcomings , is fierce work . Because you are working against your inner critics , your jinn companion , otherwise known as the Qaneen in Islam , that shaitan that is injected into humans at birth . And this is not a defective design , it's actually a superior design .

The inner critic , or the shadow side , as they call it in modern psychology , rigs everything against you . It shows you as your faults . It makes you identify so closely with your obstacles that it looks like that you're a part of them . Maybe they're financial obstacles , maybe they're intellectual , maybe there's low emotional intelligence , maybe it's poor attention span .

The inner shaitan makes you believe that it is you and makes it impossible for you to create self-love . Self-love is the only universal ingredient that you need to create positive change . And because of that I decided to dedicate a whole podcast to try and make self-love easy for you .

When women think of self-love , we think of acts of self-care like rest , relaxation , solitude , restoration all of that for introverts and otherwise connection , exchange of ideas , meeting up , hanging out , chilling with other people all of that for extroverts . All different ideas of self-love and acts of self-care .

Either way , no matter what your acts of self-care look like , the acts themselves aren't as important as your energy that you bring to these acts .

And no matter what your acts of self-love look like , they will not be restorative if you're doing it to escape your inner critic , escape the pain , trying to hurry up and relax with hopes that your mind chatter will eventually stop . It actually doesn't work that way . Acts of self-care aren't as important as your thoughts about yourself during those acts .

And to help you elevate your thoughts behind your acts of self-care , I came up with the perfect solution . I'm going to help you understand how your acts of self-care , how your energy behind all of your self-love and thoughts of self-love aren't selfish . Your acts of self-care aren't about you .

When I coach people into their understanding of their complete self-worth , first objection women give me is if they do something for themselves , it feels selfish .

I know that women , by nature , are deeply empathic creatures and from the time we were young , we're socialized to serve others , and this conditions a large part of our nervous system to always put others first .

Now , that's not necessarily a bad thing in itself , but it often happens to such an extent that we as women become programmed to prioritize others over our own well-being . But what if we could turn this social programming to our advantage ? What if I could show you that self-care isn't about you and it's actually about others ?

By shifting into this perspective , I believe we can start to overcome the initial mental hurdle of feeling that prioritizing ourselves is wrong or selfish . Eventually , with this new mindset , you cultivate self-respect , self-love , self-actualization , not just for the benefit of others but also for your own sake as well . There will be a graduation ascension , if you will .

Through today's podcast , my aim is to help you see self-care and self-love in a new light , to turn that objection that self-care feels selfish into a really distant memory . Stick with me and I'll share how this can be done . Let's just consider the effects of my self-care on my relationships .

When I take care of myself , I'm investing in my capacity to be a better friend , better family member , community member , and if I'm feeling run down or stressed , I am more likely to respond impatiently to others .

I have less energy for the interactions that make my relationships strong , but when I prioritize myself and take my self-care seriously , I present my best self to those around me . I have the patience to listen , the energy to be present and the emotional stability to empathize and communicate effectively . The same applies to you .

When you replenish yourself , you have more mental stamina to fulfill the work of your closest relationships around you . Prophet Muhammad , peace be upon him , emphasizes on maintaining good relationships with your brothers and sisters .

The Prophet , peace be upon him , said the best of you are those who are the best to their families , and I am the best to my family . I'm Mary Perrport and I dit Germany . How are you going to be the best of your family when you are spent so ? Self-care isn't just for me .

It's a way for me to live up to my highest expectations , expectations that I create for myself in relationships based on this prophetic teaching that I need to be my best self when I am around people that I love . Values of treating others with kindness and respect when it comes to your impact on your community . Self-care isn't just about you , it's about us .

When you each engage in self-care , you contribute to a healthier community . When you choose to eat a balanced diet , engage in regular physical activity or manage stress through prayer , meditation or other stress relieving outlets , you are not only taking care of your health , but also setting an example for those around you .

The concept of umma , or community , is central in Islam . If you want to follow habits that seem selfish to you , a little reminder that you can create for yourself is that you are setting an example for others . To inspire an umma , you are fulfilling an obligation to encourage good habits in your community .

And Allah SWT says in the Qur'an Let there arise out of you a group of people inviting to all that is good , that is , islam , enjoying al-ma'ruf , that is , which is good and beneficial , and forbidding al-munkar . What is wrong , either ? Polytheism and disbelief , and all that is wrong in Islam , and it is they who are successful . Chapter 3 , ayah 104 .

So when you are committing to self-care , you are committing to the well-being of people around you . By extension , your choices inspire and motivate others , and you are not only fulfilling the duty to yourself , but also to your fellow Muslims and your broader community .

A Muslim woman , the multi-tasking , energizer bunny , juggling multiple things at a time , working inside and outside the home , managing household chores , caregiver of the family members , taking care of the children you and I know that the continuous cycle of these responsibilities leads to exhaustion .

It will make it difficult for you to be fully present and engaged with your children , and very often I hear I don't have time for self-care . But let's just understand that self-care isn't just about grand gestures of lengthy routines .

It's about your attitude towards any small act that you have towards yourself to manage or squeeze into your already busy schedule during the moments in your life .

A five-minute breathing exercise , a walk during your lunch break , putting on your favorite nail paint on your thicker week if that brings you joy or even just taking a moment to enjoy a cup of tea all of that are acts of self-care . Self-care isn't about lengthy routines .

It's about how much acceptance you're showing yourself when you're doing any of these acts , no matter how short and how long they are . More importantly , my answer to the objection that I don't have time to do self-care is that you don't have time not to do self-care when you're constantly running on empty .

It takes a toll on your physical health , your mental well-being , your interaction with others . The time and energy spent dealing with the aftermath whether it's health issues , emotional burnout or damaged relationships because of your reactivity far outweighs the time invested in self-care .

So , in a way , by prioritizing self-care in the front end , you're saving yourself time and energy in the long run by many folds . You're exponentially saving time and energy in the long run . When you think of self-care as a luxury and over the top , that's when it feels selfish , that's when it seems unnecessary . Self-care isn't selfish or a luxury .

It is the most fundamental necessity to your well-being and to your quality of your relationships . When I practice self-care , I'm not just taking care of my health today , I'm helping ensure my health in the future .

By prioritizing a balanced diet , taking time to exercise , taking enough sleep , managing stress by managing my mind , I'm reducing my risk of health problems down the line . Self-care is the best preventative medicine that you can do today .

The Prophet Peace be upon him said Take benefit of five before five , your use before your old age , your health before your sickness , your wealth before your poverty , your free time before you are preoccupied and your life before your death Narrated by Ben-Abraz .

If your self-care looks like taking care of your health now versus treating a disease process later , that self-care is not selfish . Also , many of us are in very high-demanding careers , productivity being tracked at every turn , quotas that need to be met .

If you don't release that stress at the body's level from time to time , either by unwinding , breaking away , going off the grid or whatever that break looks for you , if you don't release that stress that takes a big toll on your productivity , it will affect your creativity . It will make a disconnection from your own needs and values .

When you're forcing yourself to work from exhaustion , you're more likely to make choices that prioritize efficiency over ethics . It's so easy to forget that how you feel physically and emotionally has a significant impact on your ability to work effectively .

When you prioritize your mental health through mindfulness , prayers or talking to someone you trust , you're likely to find that you're more productive and engaged at work .

Or , for the many of us that are in the health care field hospitals , clinics , field work when you're overworked , your ability to provide attentive and empathic care will be compromised and you'll start to question your intentions of why you came into this field in the first place .

Allow time to dissociate , not just for your own well-being , but also for the quality of the care you provide to your patients . The tendency of people who already work hard is to work harder when they feel burnt out , so they can escape the feeling of inadequacy when really just a little rest is all that's needed .

Rest with the acceptance of yourself and that you will be fulfilling your duties when you're rejuvenated . Prophet Peace be upon him said the best people are those most beneficial to other people . To be beneficial to others , we need to be at our best , both physically and mentally . When I practice self-care , I'm not just helping myself .

I'm also setting an example for others , especially if I'm a parent or in a leadership role . By demonstrating that self-care is a priority to me , I'm showing my children , my team members or anybody who looks up to me that their health and well-being is also important . Self-care isn't about you . It's about being a role model .

When I take care of myself in a way that's sustainable , I'm not only benefiting my own health , but also helping others take care of their health In the context of family , community or the planet at a larger scale . My self-care becomes a form of me giving care to the world around me , impact that is far beyond myself .

My intention here is that everyone listening to this finds a way to be comfortable with putting yourself first .

I've shared how this idea aligns with our faith and how self-care is far from being selfish , but at the end of the day , my deepest hope and prayer is for your nervous system to become at ease with doing things purely for your own benefit , because that alone is a valid reason as any other .

If any of the ideas I've shared in this podcast helps you take the initial steps towards prioritizing yourself , then I encourage you to use it . I have no doubt that once you experience the benefits of self-care and self-love , you'll start to do it just because you want to , because you will see the benefit of it .

You will eventually start to do it because you want it for yourself or simply because an opportunity presents itself . The goal is for you to appreciate that taking care of yourself isn't a luxury but a necessity for your overall well-being and for the quality of your contributions to the world around you and , above all , for your spiritual connection to Allah swt .

Your limited opinion of yourself makes you blind to Allah's mercy when you are stressed and burnt out and forget to see the countless blessings that are around you . That isn't about Allah . It's because you haven't worked on yourself . May Allah swt protect us from our limited views .

With that , I pray to Allah . O Allah , help us remember that our bodies and minds are blessings from you and that taking care of them is a form of gratitude of these blessings . Let us not see self-care as an act of selfishness , but rather as an act of worship . Give us the wisdom to recognize when we need rest and the courage to take it .

Show us how to balance our obligations to others with our obligations to ourselves . Help us realize that in serving ourselves , we are better equipped to serve you and others . Please keep me in your door , as I will talk to you guys next time .