Regulated Nervous System Fixes Everything

This is a big promise for today's podcast , but it is so important and it sounds rather dramatic like , okay , calm down , surely can't fix everything , but it actually can fix everything , because a dysregulated nervous system is the hidden root of most of your chaos . It's not your husband , it's not your children .

It's not your husband , it's not your children , it's not your boss , it's not your past , it's not even your trauma . It's the state your body is stuck in while trying to make decisions , while trying to deal with all of these things , while trying to set boundaries , while trying to love people more , even while trying to answer emails . Survive injustice .

Chase your goals , everything from the minute details of your life to the bigger , visionary goals . First , let's define a nervous system . Your nervous system is far more than just a collection of nerves . It's actually a convergence of embodied thinking and mindful embodiment , top-down and bottom-up approach and vice versa .

It's where raw sensation meets cognition , body sensations meets thinking . Imagine every thought , every emotion and every physical sensation . All of this intertwined , is your embodied . Thinking is your nervous system . This is your visceral gut level , knowing the way your body interprets and responds to the life's subtle signals .

This happens without waiting for the mind to catch up . This is the bottom-up approach and it also includes a mindful embodiment , which is the art of being fully present with your body , acknowledging the sensations , the heartbeat , the tremors , the chills , as it is interpreted by your mind , which contributes to the narrative of who you are .

Your nervous system is both your mind and body narrative sentences , meaning making and sensations , experiences , living and emotions . And the way I would describe a dysregulated nervous system is this is a hijacked control center . This is when your body's threat detection system is stuck in overdrive , firing alarms for things that aren't fires .

You're reacting to a critical email as if you're being chased by a lion . This way you lose the ability to tell the difference between discomfort and danger , because discomfort sometimes is necessary for growth . Danger never is . When you're stuck in this overdrive , everything feels like too much , even the things you prayed for , because they ask for your expansion .

A dysregulated nervous system is a biased narrator of your life . This is your internal voice , which is always suspicious , cynical , hypervigilant , interpreting everything through the lens of something's wrong with me or with them , or with this situation . You walk in the room and assume that everyone hates you .

Your spouse is quiet and you assume that they've stopped loving you . You're not reading reality . You are reading your own nervous system's script , which , again , is dysregulated . Another way I'll describe a dysregulated nervous system is an inconsistent power supply . You're either frozen or numb .

You're either charged up and explosive and you can't stay grounded in your own body , or everything feels overwhelming that you shut down . Conversations feel like confrontations . Simple rest feels like an indulgence . Even your joy feels unsafe because your body is just bracing for it to end . In a dysregulated nervous system there's an absolute end to nuance .

It kills your ability to see the gray areas . You're either a failure or a perfectionist . You're either safe or unsafe . It's all or none phenomenon . It's either all on me or none of this is my fault . Classic black and white thinking . A dysregulated nervous system is where you've outsourced your worth . The self-worth gets handed over to external cues accomplishments .

You only feel okay when everyone else is okay with you . Any look from somebody , a word from somebody an email reply . All of that decides your peace . You're not living from the center of your knowing , you're living from the center of survival .

This is the differentiation I make in my Empowered Muslim Woman program , where I talk about your soulful intelligence , which is your inner knowing , and the center of survival , which is the Qarin-based primal brain . Okay , so now let me give you a little bit of nuance and detail about what a regulated nervous system is supposed to look like .

Being regulated does not mean that you walk around like some sort of Zen monk all the time . It does not mean that you're immune to anger or jealousy or sadness , shame or despair all very basic human emotions . You still feel all of that with a regulated nervous system . You will still have the urge to scream when your opinion is dismissed .

You'll still feel jealousy when your friend buys a second investment property and your finances are barely hanging on . You still feel shame rise when your in-laws talk over you or when you snap at your child and you instantly regret it .

But the difference when you do all of that with a regulated nervous system is that it allows you to feel the emotion without becoming it . You notice the wave rising , sort of , and you ride it and you choose your response , that moment of pause where you catch the first thought and you don't let it run the show . That's the regulated nervous system .

You don't avoid pain . You don't become universally peaceful . With a regulated nervous system . You do feel the negative emotions . You just alchemize them . Anger becomes a boundary . A regulated nervous system does not act from anger , it alchemizes it . It says I am not available for this kind of conversation with you anymore . Jealousy becomes motivation .

A regulated nervous system alchemizes it to say what if this was also possible for me ? Shame becomes insight . It says what part of me still believes I'm unworthy . Part of me still believes I'm unworthy . Fear becomes focus . It says this matters to me . That's why I'm scared . Sadness becomes clarity . It says something here needs grieving so I can move forward .

Something here needs my attention . A regulated nervous system gives you created power over your negative emotions . You make something from them . The contrast with all of these and a dysregulated nervous system is there's no pause , there's no creativity . You are the emotion . You don't feel anger , you become rage . You don't feel shame . You become unworthy .

You don't feel fear . You become paralyzed . You're not using the emotion , the emotion is using you and the outcomes become broken conversations , confusion in marriage , broken relationships , reactivity with your kids , awake nights staring at the ceiling , unable to sleep , restlessness , anxiety . Regulation does not make life completely void of negative emotions .

It just makes you stronger . It gives your pain a job to do . It transforms your reaction into wisdom , your emotions into movement , your life into something that you're building instead of something you're just trying to survive . And that is why a regulated nervous system changes everything . Trust me , it will fix everything .

Regulation does not mean that peace replaces pain constantly . It means that pain stops deciding your identity . You cannot deal with trauma from a dysregulated nervous system because the outcome will never be in your favor . Your body is trying to evolve out of survival mode while stuck in survival mode , and this is where it becomes a cycle .

How are you supposed to respond to trauma from a regulated nervous system when the trauma is what dysregulated you in the first place ? It's like asking for a drowning person to build

a boat . But there are answers , and answers are that you build regulation outside of the trauma through safety , stillness , relationship , breath , connection . You heal around the wound before you touch it . Sometimes you go side by side , resourcing yourself while peeking gently towards what's wounded , what's hurt , trying to address it along the way .

And the powerful distinction that might change your entire approach is while one definition of trauma is a dysregulated nervous system , another definition that serves you more is that it sees trauma as its own entity , something that's separate . The trauma is what happened .

The dysregulation is how your body responded , and that means you can change your relationship with the trauma . You can come back to it later with steadier hands , a calmer breath , a more regulated nervous system that knows how to stay grounded , even while remembering . And that's the difference . That's where true healing begins .

Healing is not in the trauma itself , but in the state you're in when you're finally turning back to face it , and that state has to be regulated for you to face it successfully .

So , yes , put in the time and effort to achieve a sustained , regulated nervous system , not because you'll become immune to emotion , but because you'll finally stop being ruled by your emotion . That don't serve your life . Regulation does not mean you won't feel anger .

It doesn't mean that you won't cry or that you won't feel like you have to be stoic or frozen at times . It just means that you use your anger strategically . It does not become blind rage that burns your house down . Regulated nervous system will turn the fire of anger into a righteous one that will light your way forward .

Your sadness and your tears and your crying become a form of clarity , not collapse . Your stoic state becomes intentional , present and wise . A regulated nervous system directs your intense negative emotions towards a meaningful outcome , and I'll leave you with some examples , because this is very important to imagine them in real life and apply it to

your situations on a daily basis . If you get angry when your husband interrupts you in front of others from a dysregulated state , you might scream or sulk or shut down , but in a regulated state you will admit that that bothered me and let's talk about how we can speak to each other in public next .

Now , anger has become a boundary , not a blow-up or a relationship rupture . If you feel sad because your child is struggling with something in a dysregulated state , you'll sprint into trying to fix everything , or you'll spiral into guilt for not being a good enough mother or not being constantly present for him .

In a regulated state , you sit with the child , you validate their pain , you make space for them . You do all of that without rescuing , and the sadness all of a sudden becomes connection , you feel an intense fear about starting a new business . In a dysregulated state , fear will sound something like this this is a sign for me to stop . What if I fail ?

What if nobody likes what I'm selling ? I don't know what I'm doing . In a regulated state , fear becomes . This matters to me . Let me prepare well for success and move forward with preparation . Now fear has become a source of your focus .

If you feel excitement when something big and new and good is about to happen because of the change you're implementing , in a dysregulated state excitement becomes cues for panic . You sabotage your joy before it even begins . But in a regulated state you stay grounded and present with the excitement because it is a high energy emotion .

Joy will be an unfamiliar emotion . If you haven't felt it that way , a dysregulated nervous system will flag it as danger . A regulated nervous system will actually let you enjoy the change and the progress you're making . From that grounded state . You'll let it build . You'll move towards the expansion and the abundance .

Now your excitement has become momentum evidence for your success , evidence that your duas are being answered . So if you're living your life with a regulated nervous system , it's not going to force you to leave a stoic , numb or quiet life . It's going to lead you to finally live a meaningful life , so that emotions don't hijack your purpose .

They fuel it , because that's why Allah created all of the emotions . So , yes , I will stand by my original statement Regulate your nervous system and it will fix everything . Inshallah , not because the world becomes easier , but because you deal with it easier . You become the person who responds to the world instead of reacting to it .

With that I pray to Allah , subhanahu wa ta'ala . Ya Allah , settle my body when it wants to panic . Guide my breath when I forget how to slow down . Quiet the noise in my mind that tells me it's not safe enough , when it actually is . Ya Allah , let my emotions serve me . Let my anger build boundaries . Let my sadness connect me .

Let my fear sharpen my focus . Let my reaction turn into wisdom . Ya Rabbul Ameen , let every feeling move me closer to you . Give me a nervous system that remembers you in the middle of stress , heartache , joy and luxury .

Ya Allah , regulate my nervous system so I can rise and use it as a form of worship to you , so I can lead , so I can live with meaning . Ameen , ya Rabbul Ameen , please keep me in your daas . I will talk to you guys next time .