Mental Time Machine

And , believe me , you're already doing that numerous times a day . Outside of your awareness , you travel to the past , you travel to the future , you make up stories about the future . You think constantly about your past . That's mental time travel .

We all have our pasts and we intellectually know that they can't be changed , but somehow , in practical life , we're living as if the past is affecting us now . Sometimes the trauma effects of the past develop immediately after a big incident , or sometimes they develop years later .

Either way , we can use our mental time machines to create healing , because if there's any way to break generational patterns of colonialism , oppression and trauma , it is through your own healing as a Muslim woman , and you deserve it .

So in this podcast , we're going to be talking a lot about changing the past , and that has to do with you reframing what you think about your past . In positive psychology there are a lot of terms that get thrown around , like reframing growth mindset , post-traumatic growth , and okay , great , all of that is good , but what do we exactly mean by that ?

Depending on your familiarity with the language of positive psychology ? What is it that I'm actually being asked to do ? And this was where my dilemma lied .

And I consider myself to be an adequately intelligent human being , alhamdulillah , but I could not make sense of what is up and what is down In this world of head-spinning self-help books , positive psychology , who to believe ? Where to bring Islamic teachings in all of this ? How much can I take from what I see ? What do I have to filter out ?

And these are the exact questions that I try to answer in this podcast . Behind reframing the past , which means that we're trying to change our relationship with the past , lies a need to create a different perspective through changing our thoughts . Your past is your circumstance and every second of your past can be thought about in a different frame of mind .

That's what it means to reframe or change your point of view about your past . This is a slow , steady and deliberate process . We do it one thought at a time , especially if the past has a strong grip on you . No matter how heavily the past weighs on you , you can only reframe it one thought at a time .

How do you climb Mount Everest by taking one step at a time ? If you've made decisions in the past that seemed to be the best choice at that time and now you're regretting them , that decision is currently weighing you down . Just remember it was in the past and not something that you can do to change it now .

If you think you made that decision because you were moved to do so by your circumstances , that is simply not true . Circumstances cannot make you take a decision . Decision making is an action that always depends on your thoughts and feelings . Circumstances do not make you make a decision .

You take your circumstances into account before making decisions with your thoughts . Always keep the key of control within your possession . You might have made a decision because you didn't see any other choice , or you chose it because , out of all the possibilities , that was the best decision . Either way , decision making comes from your thinking .

Stories about those decisions in the past that create regret for you in the current moment will only recreate a regretful future . The past lives in our memory only , and these memories are our thoughts .

If the language of this thought is I couldn't become a doctor because I didn't have equal opportunity in my country , or because my family only preferred higher education for boys rather than girls , this language will keep you hostage of your past , thus effectively creating the same future , a future where you're hostage to your circumstance , but in the future you might

be imprisoned by a different circumstance . It might be a marriage , a dead-end job , but if you stay hostage to the past , it will create the same situation in the future , because that is what your mind is being trained to do . So it is extremely important that we change our language about the past .

If you've been behind on your credit card payments and you're ashamed and embarrassed , this language will recreate the same future . Your future will be of more embarrassing behaviors . We reframe every single moment of the past that weighs heavily on our mind by reframing one thought about it . If you try to do too much at the same time , it will get overwhelming .

The next concept I want to review has to do with acceptance Acceptance of the past , like losing a loved one , or owning up to your decision to leave a marriage , or staying in your marriage , losing a house because of a stock market crash . This type of acceptance of the past requires commitment . Usually , we think of acceptance as passivity .

But truthfully , acceptance of a difficult past requires a tremendous amount of effort If you're doing it right . It is not passive , victim mentality type of acceptance Such and such happened to me and there is nothing I can do about it . That's not acceptance . That's being passive and letting the past dictate your current emotional state .

When we think about acceptance , we make it mean that we have accepted defeat at the hands of our past .

Qadr , or predestination , is the concept that helps you accept the past . I coach a lot on not making qadr mean anything about your future , but accepting the past and the present moment , as it is huge mind and energy saver . The past happened exactly how it was supposed to happen . Then at least you can drop the fight . You are in acceptance .

This requires commitment . Even with the concept of qadr being so clear in Islam , we as human beings struggle greatly with just accepting what was supposed to be and what things are in the present . Think about the past and the event that you are trying to change your relationship with and think about how much effort it will take to accept it as how it was .

Agree that it happened the way it did because it was supposed to , not telling yourself it should not have happened or it should have happened differently . When you should yourself , you are in a fight with reality . My in-laws should have accepted me the way I am . I should have never had that miscarriage . I should have been promoted .

I should have submitted that report on time . All shoulds are your fight and judgments about facts , and when you fight with facts you will lose . So part of reframing the past is to take all of the shoulds out of your thoughts or you will be stuck . Do not negotiate with it , do not bargain with it .

Accept what happened , the way it happened , because that's how it happened . Any and all energy spent on how things should have been is a complete waste of time . Not only this rumination can't change the past , it strengthens the wrong pathways in your brain . So you get really good at negative rumination of the future .

Your brain is wired to get good at whatever you feed it . If you ruminate and sulk over the past , it will really good at that for the next time . This is the flexibility of neuroplasticity . Believe it or not , while neuroplasticity is being used for positive change , it can totally backfire . Neuroplasticity can work against us when we are not directing our brain .

Through this neuroplasticity , our brain gets better at rumination and generating constant negative emotions . So take the should out of the sentence about your past . Yes , this level of acceptance requires effort , but in the long run you're saving so much time and energy that you will otherwise be wasting fighting with the past .

Overall , it is a profitable bargain and overall it is using your neuroplasticity towards your benefit . This comes with control over your life . This effort of acceptance is truly worth it because if you accept your past fully , you will be living a completely different life compared to if you were constantly arguing with it .

Essentially , what I'm asking you to do here is accept your circumstance . Accept all the facts in your life . Accept that my family of four siblings lived in a one-bedroom apartment . What people think I'm saying is that they have to accept that they were a poor family or family of modest means , or accept that you were coming from limited resources .

No , those are your thoughts . Accepting those will mean that you are in passivity . Reframing is about giving yourself a different language about your past , meaning improving the quality of your thoughts about your past . You cannot change that . You shared a bedroom with your whole family . That is what you have to accept .

You do not have to accept your thoughts about your living situation Like it was a difficult life to live . Now I have to hustle so I can live a better lifestyle than that Higher quality thoughts would be . It happened exactly like how it was supposed to . My life has been my perfectly written novel . It gave me the people skill that I have today .

It taught me empathy . This is reframing . If none of these substitute thoughts ring true to you , that's fine . The work involves finding your own . So far I've given you a pretty easy concept . I've pretty much gone along the lines of CTFAR circumstances , thoughts , feelings , actions and results .

If you accept the pure circumstance , not the thought , that is when you are in true acceptance . The work is around reframing and improving the quality of your thoughts about the past . For example circumstance Father passed away when I was 10 years old . Thought I had to become an adult of the family in my childhood . Feeling Resentment .

An adult of the family in my childhood . Feeling resentment . Action I perform all of the duties as an older sibling but I hold grudges against this circumstance . My brain gathers more evidence how I'm always sacrificing myself for others Out of this resentment .

I don't speak out of my own desires and deny myself my own simple life pleasures , I create codependency and the result is I'm still the only adult everyone relies on and the cycle perpetuates .

Notice how the result is tied to the thought you are currently acting as the only reliable adult in your household because of the thought that you had to become an adult in your childhood . This has nothing to do with the circumstance of your father passing away when you are 10 years old .

If you reframe your thoughts that you did as best as you could in that time and you don't have to continue to rely on that same mentality , you can create a different result , a different future . Your acceptance that your father passed away requires effort . It's not pretty , it comes with painful feelings , but it has to be done .

Your acceptance that you had to become an adult is passivity that requires no effort . That's default . Maybe you had to become an adult . Maybe you did it because it was the right thing to do . Maybe you did it for the survival of the family . Maybe you were forced by internal or external forces . But that decision is in the past now .

What you think about that decision now is how you will break the cycle of self-mortardom . What you have available to you instead is . I did what I had to do to ensure safety of my loved ones , but now I can take care of myself . I can prioritize myself and others . My empathy and willingness to support my siblings is my greatest strength .

I will use the lessons learned in my life as skills in the future . We are changing the past one thought at a time . So I will say again this CTFR formula is simple enough and with these many examples , I hope one of them rings true to you . And I have given you , guys , this model multiple times . You can use it anytime to rewrite your past .

I even give you a free download at islamiclifecourseschoolcom . Slash free for you to do this exercise on your own . But now what I'm about to say will totally rattle your mind . So now for a truly mind-bending exercise . Are you guys ready ? Can you accept that everything you have in your life currently is because you chose it in the past ?

You created your life as you're living now . Reason why you're over your ideal weight is because you're not willing to accept what it takes to be thinner . Reason why you're in a toxic relationship now is because you haven't released the toxic relationship from your past .

You're not willing to accept the effort it takes to release that , or , on a deeper level , because you have not released a toxic relationship with yourself . If you're not actively changing something in your life , you are creating it . Remember the more you repeat something , the better your brain gets at it .

If you're considering yourself unworthy of respect , meaning you're in a toxic relationship with yourself , you will consider other people's toxic behavior towards yourself to be normal . You are normalizing it for your brain . So can you accept that everything you have in life is because you have created it ?

And this is not about attributing us as creators in place of God , astaghfirullah , but Allah , subhanahu wa ta'ala , gave us this quality of creation . There are certain attributes that solely belong to Allah , like the complete oneness and the fact that he is everlasting and other such attributes , but there are certain qualities that he allowed humans to share .

One of them is our ability to create something new from things that have already been created by Him , willingness to accept that everything you have in life is because you created it . That requires effort .

You have to use your mental time machine to move backwards and forwards in time and reimagine it , because what you've created so far is a life that is a result of you not accepting your past ? This life that you are living , that you're constantly in a fight with , is because you have not changed your relationship with the past .

Keep asking yourself and keep being curious about how is it possible that every moment in the past was created just for me ? How was it that one event in the past has strengthened me ? How has it made me the person I am today ?

Keeping all of these questions in mind and trying to take this discussion on a deeper level , I am doing a webinar on Sunday , june 26 , 2022 , at 1 pm Eastern Standard Time . In this webinar , we will actually be implementing what we learn in the podcast , and you will also have the opportunity to get coaching .

So please join us live , because that is your opportunity to use this resource for free . No matter when your past started affecting you negatively , you will always have the option of accepting it , and you deserve that release in your life . With that , I pray to Allah SWT that he makes this journey easy for us .

I pray , o Allah , that the people of the world looking for this healing find it within their reach .

I pray for strength , courage and dedication towards this work , because sometimes things get worse before they get better , and I pray that my clients and all the Muslim women listening to this podcast find safety in my work so they can then do this work of healing for themselves , moving forward . May Allah reward all of you for doing this work . Moving forward .

May Allah reward all of you for doing this work . I do believe that your obligations towards your family , community and career are secondary , because your obligation towards yourself is primary , because that's how you find true connection with your Creator . Please keep me in your du'as . I will talk to you guys next time .