Joy

And why does it matter ? Joy comes from within , from self-appreciation and self-love , and self-love is the only way to love Allah , subhanahu wa ta'ala . Joy , to me , is different from happiness . Happiness is a temporary state . It is gone as soon as you think about something other than what you have or where you are .

If , at any instant , you want to be something else or be somewhere else , then you've stepped out of happiness . Joy is more everlasting and more sustained . Pleasure , on the other hand , is more intense happiness . Eckhart Tolle's definition is that pleasure comes from an external source . Eckhart Tolle's definition is that pleasure comes from an external source .

Getting a pedicure , spending a day with friends , chocolate cake , beautiful sunset , good company , fragrances , pleasure of fine clothing Pleasure might be preventing joy . So many of us try to compensate for our lack of joy with pleasure . You cannot replace pleasure with joy . If you're not in a joyous place , there's no amount of pleasure that will get you there .

Joy is created from within . There's not enough stuff in the world to replace pleasure with joy . There aren't enough fluffy macaroons that you can eat . That will replace your pleasure with joy .

Not enough gadgets , not a big enough house , not enough perfumes , not enough cups of tea , not enough work that you can immerse yourself into that will bring you joy , because joy is a state that you create for yourself from within . You Ask yourself where in your life are you replacing joy with pleasure ?

When we mistake joy for pleasure and indulge with pleasurable things , we end up creating the opposite effect of joy . Indulge with pleasurable things we end up creating the opposite effect of joy .

When we do too many of any of the outwardly things to create joy , it fails miserably because everything that is outside of us is out of our control , and when we attach our joy to something that is not in our control , we render ourselves helpless , even if that outside something is as benign as a walk in the park or a cup of tea in my backyard or a trip

to the beach . I'm not saying don't do these things . I have a whole podcast about pleasure . I'm saying don't be under the impression that these things give you joy . Consider being in a place in your life where you don't need any more pleasure . Maybe consider being in a place where you don't need another comfy blanket or a massage . Pleasure is easy .

It is easy to be sold . Pleasure is what we are conditioned to work towards all our lives , from childhood to adulthood . Toys give pleasure to a child , and how innocent and appropriate , I might add . But packaging pleasure is what makes it so much easier to sell . Vacation here will give you pleasure . Working that job will give you pleasure .

Since pleasure is something external , it is easy to package , market and sell for profit . So the conditioning is deep and we are at a point where there is no telling the difference between joy and pleasure . Pleasure overall is easy to recognize and build economies out of . But recognizing joy takes internal effort . There's no marketing for that .

That's a journey you have to take for yourself . No one's going to make money off of selling you joy , because it is a state that you create for yourself . So it is not as visible to us as pleasure , because we are not constantly bombarded by it .

So when I first learned this concept , I started on a mission to unlearn all of my patterns of pleasure that I was mistaking for joy . Alhamdulillah , I've been doing pretty good .

But it's a constant work in progress and I kept some of my patterns of pleasure consciously , like time with my family brings me pleasure , time I spend walking in my backyard gives me pleasure , and I choose to keep those in my life . But then I also consciously work to create joy , because joy is an emotion that you can create at any point from your thoughts .

It is not dependent on anything else outside of you . In my attempt to unlearn this lifelong pattern , I thought it would be a good idea to teach it to my children . But the example I'm going to give you now is when my daughter was only five years old .

So I continued to integrate my thoughts and feeling lessons in kid language , and one day my daughter came to me and told me that her brother took the toy she was playing with and that made her cry . So I consoled her . We talked about sharing , playing nicely . But then I thought maybe this is a great teaching moment .

I said maybe I can teach her that joy comes from herself , not from the toy . So I started telling her that you see how one day you like one toy and another day you like another one . That means that that toy doesn't make you happy or sad , only your thinking does . At that point she was listening to me very intently in my lap and I was very encouraged .

Then we talked about joy , about how a toy that might make her happy for a little bit . Real joy comes from what she thinks about things and that comes from her brain . And during all of this she's so quiet and listening and observing .

And I went on and on and on about how joy is different , about how joy is so much better and how to create more of it , even if her brother took her toy away . And she was quiet and intently listening this whole time . Then I became a little skeptical about how quiet she actually was . Maybe she was not understanding what I was saying .

So I asked her baby , do you know what joy is ? And she said yeah , of course it's a baby kangaroo . And she hops off and runs off to play and I'm just sitting there baffled , completely dumbfounded . I'm thinking to myself a baby kangaroo , what just happened ? Where did that come from ? So naturally I googled what's a baby kangaroo ? And the answer was Joey .

A baby kangaroo is called a Joey . I learned that for for the first time that day and all of a sudden it made sense . All this time I was talking about joy . She thought I was talking about a baby kangaroo , because they're called joey . I felt so many emotions in that moment all at the same time .

I found it to be hysterical first of all , and then I was just in amazement . How tiny brains make connections . She might have learned about baby kangaroos in a YouTube video or something and the entire time she was listening to me quietly . She was possibly just playing that video in her head . I don't know .

She's eight now and I still tell her this story and we laugh . But she knows more of a difference now . So I tease her . If she wants her baby kangaroo , her joy , she knows where to find it . She can find it from her thoughts . It's a work in progress , I have to admit . She hasn't mastered it , but I think she's understanding more and more every day .

Her state of joy is not dependent on things outside of her . I will continue to teach her for as long as it takes . I mean , there are times when even I completely forget it and have to work to remind myself where Joey actually comes from . I look for my baby kangaroo outside of me .

It's a work in progress , even for adults , but this is overall such a great example , because imagine you're a mama kangaroo and you have a baby in your pouch . That's your joy inside of you . It's attached to you Like a baby kangaroo can't survive outside . Joy can't either .

As soon as the joy attempts to go outside of you , into something external , something pleasurable , it vanishes because you don't have control over anything external . So put the baby kangaroo back where it belongs , put the joy back inside of you . You hold your key to joy . You can create it anywhere , anytime you want .

Sometimes it seems harder than others , but it can be done . Sometimes we don't want to create joy , and that's okay as well . Again , the point of understanding this definition is that it is empowering . The biggest roadblock we face when finding thoughts that bring us joy is that mental chatter . Mental chatter steals joy .

This work is easier said than done because of all of the negative mental chatter we are used to . We have self-judgment , burden of obligations , self-pity , just to name a few . That's the reason . Finding joy is not easy . It is hard work .

Maybe when you saw the title of this podcast , you might have thought to yourself oh , this is going to be another touchy-feely podcast . We're going to be sitting in a circle holding hands and singing songs . Joy is just going to be about me hugging myself . Well , you can hug yourself . If that's self-care you need to show yourself .

But finding joy is not that easy . It is hard work . It is not as fluffy as it sounds . How can you ever find joy if you haven't found self-appreciation ? You have to love yourself before you can create any joy with your thoughts . It's like having mental garbage all over the room and trying to find a clean place to sit . It won't happen .

Clean up the mental space of all of the negative chatter and you will see joy everywhere , independent of what you have or don't have . Loving yourself is how you can find mercy of Allah . Mercy of Allah is always there . We just don't see it when we are in self-judgment . Self-appreciation means to recognize the full worth of yourself .

By this definition , allah appreciates us all , just because he created us . We lose sight of this self-worth when we are in resentment . Mostly , that resentment is self-created under the burden of obligations that are self-imposed . We get buried under the avalanche of things we have to do and I've spoken about this before because there's very little we have to do .

You don't have to work , you don't have to cook , you don't even have to take care of your children or pay your taxes . I'm not suggesting that you do that , but you do all these things to avoid consequences , so you're choosing them . What you don't change , you choose .

So stop abusing yourself over it , because when you do that , you're burying your joy even deeper . Being in negative self-talk is being in a space of rejecting Allah's mercy . Allah's mercy is infinite . He made every human being 100% worthy . It is us who lose the sight of that under the whispers of shaitan and our nafs .

That is when we replace joy with pleasure . We start looking for things to provide us with comfort , because if we took a look inside of us , we will find rejection , guilt , pity . To avoid these painful emotions , we work hard and we play even harder . Finding the source of joy from within you is difficult work . I will be the first one to admit it .

It's not easy . But when you find it , it is so worth it . It is like the weight of the world has been lifted from your shoulders . You recognize the design of Allah .

You recognize that underneath all of that negative self-talk is a beautiful , completely worthy human being that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created , you come to recognize the real source of joy is your mere existence . You were created and that is enough . That has always been enough .

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has no need of us , the everlasting , the self-sufficient , but he gave us lives , gave us bodies , gave us blessing after blessing and privilege after privilege . But we lose sight of this source of joy when we are busy with mental chatter I'm not thin enough , I'm not organized enough , I'm not efficient enough .

We lose sight that Allah created us whole , complete and with intent . How can that not be a source of joy ? How can that miracle not be enough to immerse us with joy ? I will tell you how .

Only when we don't learn to love ourselves , only when we diminish ourselves in the name of self-sacrifice , only to find self-pity , joy gets buried deep , deep inside of us . Learn to appreciate yourself , because you are then in appreciation of Allah . I will go as far as saying you can't love Allah without loving yourself .

You might be engaging in ritual prayers and doing all the outwardly actions right , but to find true khushu in your prayers , true calmness , serenity , tranquility , dignity and humility , you need self-love . Without it , you will be fighting battles that you are creating for yourself .

The formula CTFAR shows if you're in self-pity , a lot of mental chatter is in your action line . If you're in self-judgment , the same mental chatter appears in the action line .

If your A-line is prayers but your feeling line is judgment , that you're not in a clean formula , you're suppressing your emotion of self-judgment to go through the actions of prayers , and that will never be wholehearted . May Allah purify our hearts to find pure joy in his worship . Learn to appreciate yourself by paying attention to emotions .

Learn to appreciate yourself by paying attention to emotions , thoughts , mind , actions . Be as mindful as you can . Learn to listen to the sentences in your mind . Are you finding negative mental chatter that you just can't clean up ? Get coaching . Learn all the how-to's of mental hygiene and then maintain it for yourself for the rest of your life .

If you come across a situation that is creating mental garbage for you and you can't seem to get rid of it , then get coaching again . Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to learn what we already carry in ourselves but we don't see . The baby kangaroo is always right there . You just have to find it .

So enjoy all the pleasures of life , but don't confuse them for joy . Joy is from within . It can only flourish when you practice thoughts and mindset of self-love and appreciation .

When you are in rejection of yourself , you can outwardly say that you believe . You can pray , recite Quran , give charity , fill all the obligations and may Allah accept all of our acts of worship . But it is difficult to be in a state of ihsan when you're in self-judgment .

That judgment and negative self-talk is keeping you from seeing the beautiful design of Allah . Come out of that negative mindset by paying attention to what models you're living CTFARs , thoughts , feelings , actions , results . That is the first step to creating a mindful life and the only way to create joy .

Everything else is a smokescreen , temporary pleasures that are out of our control . Joy is a true state of ihsan in complete and constant ibadah of the one creator . When we are loving and appreciating ourselves , we are loving and appreciating our creator . May Allah accept all of our ibadah , all of our acts of worship .

May Allah grant us courage to go down the path of self-discovery and self-correction . Author A Helwa says it best in her book the Secrets of Divine Love both heaven and hell are filled with sinners . People in hell are arrogant about their sins and people in heaven ask for forgiveness and repent . This is not an exact quote .

I recalled it from memory , but the gist was pretty much the same . And this is such a beautiful concept . All of us are going to make mistakes . It is just a matter of self-reflection , repentance and self-appreciation . How can we ask for forgiveness when we don't see where our mistakes lie ?

Shaytan presents negative self-talk to us like it is a fact of life , when actually it is just a lie he created . Learn to recognize it so you can ask for forgiveness . May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make us of the people of paradise . May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala ease our struggles around this internal work that he has ordained for us .

May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make it easy for all of the Muslims around the world and bring humanity to the human race . Ameen , ya Rabbul Alameen , I will talk to you guys next time .