Improving your mood

Topic of today's podcast is improving your mood , so we're going to dive right into it . Let's start thinking about what is your default mood . What do you most commonly feel ? Is it melancholy ? Is it sadness , despair , anxiety ? What are your usual predispositions ? Are you inclined to default towards reactivity and stress , anger and upset ?

Today , we're going to talk about default mood and how to change it . If you want Only if you want to You're welcome to keep any mood that you have . That is always your choice . What would it feel like to have ? A serene disposition , a joyful , happy , satisfied ? A joyful , happy , satisfied , content , peaceful disposition ?

Imagine all of these being your default state . If somebody asks people that are close to you what will they say about you ? How would they describe your mood in one word . Bring that word to mind and just be aware that it is a choice , not their opinion their opinion is not a choice , but your mood that they sense that rings true to you .

That mood is your choice . The default mood that you're in is a muscle memory , just like when you're learning typing . Initially , you don't know where the keys are , which finger to put where , but over time your fingers automatically go to the keys that you need them to go to . Because fingers have gained muscle memory .

They've created new neuronal connections from your fingers to the keys that you need them to go to . Because fingers have gained muscle memory , they've created new neuronal connections from your fingers to the brain and those pathways have been solidified with practice , so much so that you don't have to actively think about where the fingers will go .

They just go to the key that you want to type and it starts to happen automatically . Similarly , muscles of your brain can be programmed to find a joyful , peaceful and tranquil disposition . There are some circumstances that call for grief and sadness and upset , and all of those are rightful emotions when you learn an important lesson from them .

But these emotions certainly do not have to be your default disposition , something that you automatically go to , no matter what the situation is . Also , it is a possibility that you might go to no matter what the situation is . Also , it is a possibility that you might have a rapidly changing mood .

You think of yourself being moody , jumping from one emotion to another , like people might avoid talking to you after a day of work because you're more irritable , or they avoid giving you difficult news altogether because you're not known for carrying a subtle disposition . And that's okay . Nothing has gone wrong . But all of it is a choice .

So question to explore for today is what is your default mood when you're not watching yourself , when you're busy with distractions , or when you're tired and exhausted ? What emotion is humming in the background in your body and what thoughts are just low-key running in your background in your head ?

Could it be anxiety , restlessness , irritation , disappointment , or is it something else ? When we're experiencing these emotions by default , we're actually creating them from subconscious thoughts and over time they start to become our personality and very conveniently , we start attributing it to our genetics .

We start saying I was born this way , my mom was exactly the same way . Everyone in my family acts like this . That must be the reason why my personality is like this . It turns out there's nothing in your genes that directs your personality . Your personality is heavily influenced by the day-to-day .

Your personality is heavily influenced by the day-to-day , moment-to-moment choices you're making with your mind . Dr Joe Dispenza describes this very eloquently in his book Breaking the Habit of being Yourself . He says about emotions is If they last hours to days , it's called a mood . If it lasts weeks to months , it's called a temperament .

And if it lasts years it's called a temperament , and if it lasts years it's called a personality , and it becomes your identity via habitual emotions . So your personality is composed of moment-to-moment mood , choices that we've made long term . So if you want to create a change , it has to be done at the mood level .

Another mistake we make , besides attributing our personality to our DNA , is that we start attributing it to our circumstances . You tell yourself you're always irritable because all of the things and all of the people around you irritate you .

You can say my husband annoys me , my employer angers me , and along the same lines , your mood at work might be different than your mood at home , which gives you more evidence that these people at work are responsible for your mood , when actually what is happening is your mood is always being created by your thoughts . It is always your responsibility .

Your thoughts are different at work than they are at home . Your internal environment is never being caused by your co-workers or your family .

Whenever you catch yourself in a mood that you want to change , just trace back to what are the collective emotions that you've been experiencing Over time , when you continue to manufacture the same emotion that becomes your mood and that becomes your personality .

Understanding your mood can be complex because it is something that we generate over a longer period of time of hours to days compared to an emotion that you might be feeling in one moment . But process is exactly the same . How do you run a marathon ? One step at a time ?

Understanding your mood might require you to break it down to what emotion you're feeling in one moment . Understanding your mood or overall disposition requires for you to be in touch with understanding your body . This process makes you really good at understanding the sensations of your emotions .

I always tell people to imagine that you have to explain to a robot what mood you're feeling like . You have a tendency of waking up anxious . A lot of my clients struggle with that . I personally have a struggle with waking up with shame . My brain always has the default capacity to tell me something's gone terribly wrong and it's all my fault . I did it .

Feeling of shame has been my default mood for a very long time . So what do these moods feel like in your body in terms of sensations ? If you had to explain it to a robot , you would say shame feels like heaviness in the shoulders or a tightness in the pit of the stomach .

If you had to explain an anxious disposition , it could be closing of the throat or low-key buzzing in your chest or a constant vibration or prickling inside of your limbs . Pay non-judgmental attention to these sensations of the mood and if you're unable to do this , bring it to coaching with me .

I have created a powerful program called Empowered Muslim Women where we go over all of this in detail .

Some other explanations of why you're not able to describe your emotions in terms of sensations , or why you're not able to dissociate yourself long enough from the body to describe it , is because it could be related to trauma , and we've spoken about that in detail in my previous episodes .

So one of the best parts about managing your mood is that you get to benefit from experiencing the incredible sensations of the happy and joyful mood . Nobody else benefits from it .

Nobody else can cause you to be in a good or bad mood and nobody else can benefit from your mood and in other good news , when you are in a better mood , you can show up as the person that you actually want to for your family , friends and co-workers . Actually , that wasn't even the best part .

The best part about managing your mood is that it helps you attain a state of khushu , a deep spiritual focus . That is a state where the monkey chatter of the mind quiets down and you find a moment of peace in your prayers . When you are in constant negative mood , it is difficult to find a healthy mental state and religious equilibrium .

One example that I find fascinating in my own life is my lack of affinity towards beaches . My kids love going to the beach and just a thought of the beach trip would put me in a very stressed mood , and that's allegedly that has been happening previously .

All of the stuff that went around packing , making sure that they have everything they need at the beach , all of the stuff that went around packing , making sure that they have everything they need at the beach , then sitting in the sun in a hijab on a hot day , just completely baked me inside out .

I would be so stressed about the whole situation that it would come out sideways in the form of yelling and screaming . In all honesty , kids had no idea what was going on in my head prior to this work , and actually I had no idea what was going on in my head that led me to this reactivity .

What was actually going on in my head was I was dreading sitting in the sun in full clothing . I was dreading being sweaty and sticky and having sand all over me and bringing it back in the car and having to clean everything the next day .

Once I realized that all of these things were weighing heavily on my mind , because of all of these thoughts , I could see that the beach trip was not actually causing my mood of stress . My thoughts were , and once that happened , I came up with a plan with my husband . So he grew up in South Florida and he's very used to beach trips .

He is very much acclimated to the feeling of sand and the salt water all over your body . So we decided that most of the time he was going to take the kids to the beach and if I was coming I was not going to be cleaning or cooking .

We were just going to take some prepared snacks and I was going to go in the water and , outside of that , sit in the shade under the umbrella . After I had all of these demands taken care of , my thought , work became really easy and my mood went from stressed to not really dreading the beach trip so much . And that's where I am right now .

I haven't gotten any better than that . At least , my mood is not dreadful when it comes to going to the beach . I might not be all the way to enjoyment quite yet , and that's okay with me , and my husband loves doing all of these things for us .

So when I was actually able to communicate clearly to him that my nervous system is absolutely on fire with the demands of a beach trip , he did whatever he could to make it easier for me , while I took responsibility for improving my mood for the sake of my family , because that is what I value , and I'm constantly working .

If it's not going to be this , it's going to be something else , and this is what life is about , alhamdulillah . So understanding your mood is extremely important for your sake and for the sake of people around you , especially for the sake of spirituality that you value . Again , your default mood is like your fingers that haven't learned to type yet .

They don't have the correct muscle memory . With practice , your enhanced , uplifted mood will be like you're an expert typer Typist . What Is that a word ? Well , you'll be an expert at typing . Another extremely difficult situation for me used to be at work . I was holding on to a very stressed disposition at work . I was always telling myself this is so hard .

I have so many patients , they're so sick , I don't have enough time . I'm afraid of making a mistake . It was difficult for me to create any joy out of work . Mind you , training to be a physician came with a lot of effort . I dedicated my entire life to studying and here I was in my dream career , being completely burned out .

All of this because of default dispositions , all because I was choosing these without being actually aware that I was choosing stress and burnout . In this particular situation , I have been able to improve my mood drastically , so much so , where I actually enjoy my work as a physician , I find it extremely fulfilling . I look forward to going to work .

I have the same workload , the same work location , the same co-workers . Only my mood has changed because I worked really , really hard to deliver that to myself . Don't rely on others to deliver your mood for you . They cannot create your mood . They can't give it to you . I had the option of changing my work to help me improve my mood .

But if I did that , my brain would have found other excuses at my new work to put me in a terrible mood again . So don't rely on circumstances , work or people . Don't rely on anything outside of you to improve your mood , like things or money or trips or red-bottom shoes . Don't rely on anything external to improve your mood .

There isn't any level of belonging people can demonstrate towards you to elevate your mood . There isn't a destination exotic enough , there isn't a net worth high enough to bring your mood up . Only you can do that to yourself , through your thoughts .

I have had clients where I have coached them up the wazoo , in groups , in private sessions , at webinars and every other opportunity , and I will not be able to improve their mood unless they decide to do it for themselves through their thoughts . I cannot deliver you a tranquil disposition . You have to do it for yourself .

I cannot give you the result of being joyous , uplifted . You give it to yourself . I just show you the way . You cannot rely on others to help you with your mood , not even your coach .

Rewriting the muscle memory of your default mood to a better one will enhance your life to a whole new level the enjoyment of tranquility in your prayers , your complete presence in front of Allah , sw of Allah , with your whole mind and body . That feeling is so uplifting there's no parallel to it .

That is exactly what our souls have been designed to seek , and that spiritual high is based on a serene mood and , as a Muslim woman , you deserve it the calm disposition and the finer things in life . You deserve all of it .

With that , I ask Allah to help us separate ourselves from our material world long enough so we can worship Allah the way he deserves to be worshipped . O Allah , please help us find a mood in our hours and days that only brings us closer to you , even if we're physically at work or with our families or at the beach .

O Allah , help us get into a calm disposition so we can relinquish all of the objections to a true submission to Islam . Please keep me in your du'as and leave me a review for this podcast , so this message can reach others . I will talk to you guys next time .