How to make decisions

Sometimes , when we're doing a thought output , we come up with sentences like I don't know what to do . I am sure all of you that follow this podcast are doing your 10-minute daily thought output and if you are not , you should totally start .

Sometimes , during that thought output or just in general , we realize that we have a decision to make , but we cannot decide what . I don't know how much food to order for the party . I don't know what school to send my kids to . I don't know if I should stay at home or work outside of the home . I don't know if I can do both .

Or when you decided on something you question yourself , I don't know if that was the right decision to make in the first place , something you question yourself . I don't know if that was the right decision to make in the first place .

These I don't know thoughts are extremely common , but I'm here to tell you that answer to this I don't know is extremely easily available to you . I'm going to walk you through how that is and how to actually make decisions .

When you say I don't know , you've blocked access to your wisdom , and the way you do this is by staying in the familiar , the known , by remembering the past . Does that sound familiar ? Staying in the comfortable and avoiding the pain . That sounds like you guessed it the lower brain .

So our lovely lower brain is very good at its job , at staying efficient and keeping us in the familiar . Its spoon feeds us . I don't know thoughts . I don't know if I should have another child . I don't know if I should have a child , yet I don't know if he's the right guy for me . I don't know if I can ever make the right decision .

I don't know if I can ever hire the right employees . These I don't know thoughts are different than actually not knowing how to solve a calculus problem or not knowing the capital of Cambodia or any other trivia question like that , and humbly accepting not knowing those facts or working to gain that kind of knowledge is different .

What I'm talking about here are the decisions in your life that only you can make . When you say I don't know , you will spend so much energy trying to figure out an answer to something you've already declared unknown . And the unknown is infinite . It is very easy to get lost in that Nobody knows exactly what the right thing to do is .

There are experts in the field , but even experts make mistakes in their decisions . So , given the track record of humans , nobody should ever technically be able to make a decision , because nobody has all the knowledge . The only being with all the knowledge is Allah SWT , al-aleem , the All-Knowing . So how do people make decisions ?

And what are us , as mortal human beings , supposed to do with the partial knowledge we are provided to make a decision ? To that I say that each human being is given the exact amount of knowledge they need to make a decision . To that I say that each human being is given the exact amount of knowledge they need to make a decision .

Each human being is given hikmah or wisdom or guidance . We just have to find it and tap into it . So there is no such thing as incomplete knowledge when it comes to personal decisions . There's only the right amount of knowledge .

So the two steps that you can follow to tap into that knowledge or that wisdom is number one you have to take your lower brain out of the way , and number two , we have to trust the process . So , practically speaking , what does that look like ?

First step to take when you're trying to make a decision is to take the lower brain out of the way , and the way to do that is , surprise , surprise , c-t-f-a-r . When we are in a lower brain thought . Our action line of the CTFAR contains a lot of mind drama .

Now , this is an advanced topic and it takes me a few sessions to explore this with a client , but I'll explain it as simply as I can here . Example would look like this I'm taking a client through the formula and they tell me the T line is I don't know if this is the right job for me . This is followed by the F line of confusion .

Then comes the A line where they tell me I've been working so hard but no one pays attention , there's no teamwork , management doesn't care , I dread going to work , there's nothing that can be done . So the A line is actually filled with so many thoughts and actions that are mostly complaints , and that creates more evidence for what doesn't work .

And then they prove to themselves that they actually don't know what to do . So at that point I would ask the client if they could tell me one thing that would help them . What would it be ? And I always get a resistance at this point . They tell me they don't know of anything that will help the situation .

Then I say what if you were a person that knew what to do ? What would you do then ? And they say , well , if I was a person that knew the answer , then I would ask management for this and this . And I tell them well , have you done that ? And they say , well , no , they've never actually asked for help because they know it won't help .

They've created evidence for it not working by not attempting it at all . Therefore , staying in the familiar this actually happens very commonly . Where we are in such a thought storm that we cannot step outside of it long enough to figure out a solution , we block our wisdom .

One of my clients , who is an office-based physician , kept complaining that the office staff is useless . The administration of the practice and the senior partners keep giving her call for weekends and major holidays and most of the work she carries during her work hours is burning her out .

Then at that point I asked her if she was a person who could ask for help , what would it be ? She came up with an answer that a scribe would help her . A medical scribe is a person who can document for a physician , taking a lot of repetitive work out of the way .

After she came up with that answer , she immediately rejected it that the partners of the practice will never accept it because it will cost more money . I encouraged her to follow her gut feeling and ask anyways .

Three weeks later she came back to me saying that not only they accepted her request , they were looking into hiring remote scribes for the entire practice because , after they ran the numbers , it would actually increase physician productivity and it would be more profitable to them .

She was amazed to find out that they had never even considered that possibility because , just like her , everyone else was just staying in the familiar , not exploring the unknown . Amazing things happen when you explore the unknown , because that is when you are using your higher brain .

She was creating so much mind drama from indecisions and confusion that she never stopped to think that she might actually know the answer , and this unfortunately happens extremely commonly .

The way to combat this is to step outside of your thought storm , which is the mind drama which is what we create for ourselves in the A-line when we are acting from the feeling of confusion . Ask yourself what if I was somebody who knew the answer ? What would I do ?

The answer would immediately come to you in a moment of clarity , and right in that moment you have access to your wisdom , your hikmah , your guidance that Allah SWT has granted you , just like every other human being .

One time recently I was taking the kids to a theme park and my husband couldn't meet up with us until the afternoon , so I was responsible for carrying the backpack and I was responsible for the children . I was so afraid about going to the park for the first time during the pandemic and about having to keep the kids safe until he could meet us .

In that confusion I couldn't decide on how many bottles of water to take with me . I was confused about the smallest thing . One bottle wasn't going to be enough . Two or more bottles would make the bag heavy . One kid was screaming that they wanted Gatorade , the other orange juice .

I knew I couldn't carry such a heavy backpack , so for the life of me I couldn't figure out what to do . So my husband's like why don't you take one bottle . If you need more , buy them from the park . Or you can get one of those refillable cups , or if you need more , just text me and I'll bring them . And I was like what do you mean buy water ?

And he's like , you know , with money , like with a credit card , and it was like a light bulb turned on . Why didn't I think of that ? I could just buy water from the park . I was in a thought storm of fear of not having to expose the kids to water fountains in the pandemic that I didn't think I could just buy water .

This is what we do when we lose our common sense . We are acting so much from our lower brain thoughts that even common sense is lost to us . Alhamdulillah , we had a great time at the park and after that episode I was very much aware of my thoughts and didn't let fear ruin our family time . So don't let easy answers or common sense be lost to you .

Ask yourself if I was a person who knew , what would I do ? That's the first step towards taking the lower brain out of the way . When you have access to that answer , immediately write it down , because soon after your lower brain will take over again and offer you many , many reasons why it can't be done .

And for most of us these days , the lower brain pathways are much stronger and as soon as our wisdom shows up , the lower brain immediately takes over and dismisses it like it wasn't even real . So write it down to help you realize that the answer is actually there . It's not fake or a figment of your imagination .

All that is happening is that your overpowering lower brain buries it so you can't see it . So step number two is to trust the process . You found the answer , but you don't act on it because you don't know if it's the right thing to do . And to that , my friend , I will tell you what you do is the right thing to do .

When you got married was the right time to get married ? When you had children was the right time to have children . When you left your job to pay attention to your kids was the right time to do exactly that . What has passed cannot be changed . That is the sea line . Don't fight it , because you will lose every time .

Why burn so much precious energy questioning the past ? So during this second step , you will take actions . To believe in your decisions , you have to trust the process . It is very easy to be afraid of the outcome of the decision . We are afraid of what if the decision ends up in something negative ?

I buy a car instead of taking a bus every day and the car gets into an accident . I decide to pay for college , working multiple jobs , leaving me afraid that my life is passing me by . Decisions will force you to face your fear of an undesired outcome , regardless if that outcome ever happens or not .

But what if I told you that the undesired outcome is supposed to be your journey ? That is how you grow . That is your path in life . Any negative outcome of your decision has made you the person you are today and has molded you to be you . I uniquely you Remember this outcomes of our decisions are the journey in our lives .

I will say it again outcomes of our decisions are the journey in our lives . We have no control over that . Only thing we can do as a human is to keep making decisions and to keep taking actions . But also in another incredible news , I will share with you that for us as Muslims .

But also in another incredible news , I will share with you that , for us as Muslims , we have a beautiful dua available to us that we can utilize for helping us with decisions , and that is the dua of istikhara . It can be translated into the prayer of seeking counsel from Allah SWT , and what a beautiful concept this is .

Can you imagine seeking counsel from Allah , the Almighty , the Greatest , al-aleem , the All-Knowing ? Then you have really nothing to worry about in terms of the outcome , do you ? Let me start by clarifying some misconceptions around istikhara .

Many people believe that they're supposed to get a yes or a no answer in a dream and yes , dreams hold value in Islam but that is not the way istikhara is answered usually . Another mistake people make is to ritualize the prayer . Just go through the motions without actually meaningfully paying attention to what you're doing .

Make sure you're making this du'a intently , with proper two optional prayers or nafil

. Also , let me take this opportunity to tell you that there are not supposed to be any signs , like you did istikhara , about taking a new job , and before you left for the interview , it started raining . It's not a sign that you shouldn't go to the interview . It's a sign that you should get an umbrella , maybe .

Or you should marry the guy that lives on Sunset Street instead of the one on 72nd Street , because you saw a beautiful sunset the other day . That's not how it works . It's not supposed to be a sign . What if the guy that lives on the sunset street is not a good match for you ? You're not supposed to be following signs like that .

That's not how it works . Point of istikhara is that when we make a decision or are about to make a decision , we ask Allah's counsel to either make it easy for us or take it away from us , depending if it is beneficial for us in this world and the next . So for those of you who don't utilize this often , I highly recommend that you do .

With this , we are ridding ourselves of the responsibility of the outcome , and do you know how much freedom that gives a human being of the outcome ? And do you know how much freedom that gives a human being to get rid of that burden of responsibility ?

You will feel so much lighter when you know that Allah's got this , even if the outcome is not what you had hoped for . You'll find it easier to find solace in the fact that this is how it's supposed to be . This is my journey . You didn't get that job , despite of going to that rainy day interview .

You bought a house , but it turned out to be a wrong purchase . All of that is for you , so you can learn and become the unique human being that you are today .

So if everything in this world started to happen for you , there will be no wrong decisions , and I cannot thank Allah enough for this design and for giving us the intelligence to recognize this design . This is not an excuse for you to be a passive bystander in your life . Don't say , oh , I did istikhara and nothing happened .

You have to take actions towards your decision . So one translation of ayah 105 in Surah 9 in the Quran Say Take action . Allah will see your action , as will His Messenger and the believers , and then you will be returned to Him , who knows what is hidden and what is seen , and he will tell you what you have been doing .

Islam is an extremely action-oriented religion . In a hadith , the Prophet peace be upon him said If the end of the world approaches and one of you has a seedling or plant in his hand , if he can plant it before the end comes , let him do it . One interpretation being take actions until the very end .

So , as you can see , istighara is not an excuse to not take actions . We will be held responsible for the actions and the inactions . So some people might ask that the outcome is always on Allah SWT . So why do istikhara ?

And to that I say that it is a good reminder for us , and this is to solidify the pact of the intention that we make towards taking an action , so shaitan can't creep in there and make it sound like we are responsible for the outcome .

When you go through the process of making the intention , clarifying that Allah is always in charge , you are solidifying pathways to your higher brain , and that is a much needed exercise . And this is just my simple rendering of the process .

The spiritual aspects are way beyond my comprehension and to find out the exact nature of the istikhara and the benefits , I would recommend that you seek counsel from a religious scholar .

So , as a review , step one is to take the lower brain out of the way , step out of the cloud of confusion by using CTFAR while writing down the first answer that comes to you . Step two is to trust the process of following through to your decision , make istikhara and truly believe that Allah is responsible for the outcome .

All the while taking action , you have to make the decision . As a coach , I'm also here to help you with your decision making process . Find me at islamiclifecoachschoolcom . Schedule an appointment and I will tailor a personal plan for you to follow to help make your decisions , especially the tough ones .

I pray to Allah that he makes this path easy for us , that he grants us our desires and makes this life for a higher purpose . I pray for all of our safety , security , freedom from unregulated fears .

I pray for the Muslim ummah's prosperity and for the prosperity of all the humans of this earth . May Allah make it easy for all of us to make successful decisions and to act on them . Your wisdom is your greatest asset . You are walking around with it inside your skull looking for answers from outside of you when they are right there .

May Allah grant us access to our wisdom , the guidance he has placed in us , the hikmah that he has given us , and I have broken down all the steps you need to access all of your hikmah . If you need any clarifications or if you still have questions about the process , find me at islamiclifecourseschoolcom . I will talk to you guys next time .