How to handle criticism

You would most likely question my sanity . First of all , chances are that you don't have blue hair , but even if you do , you don't necessarily personally know me , so what I say about your hair doesn't really matter . That right there rendered my criticism of your blue hair completely ineffective . Believe it or not , it was a criticism .

Do you know how that actually happened ? We will explore that more in this episode so you can apply the same method to render all criticism ineffective that is thrown at you . That is a super powerful skill , life-changing . So listen carefully . Criticism is defined as the expression of the approval of someone or something based on a perceived fault or mistake .

So when somebody is criticizing you , it is more about their perception than it is about you . And if you know anything about others' perceptions , one thing we know for sure is that we cannot control that . We cannot change how other people perceive us .

When we see somebody criticizing us , we immediately think to ourselves they shouldn't do that , they have no right . That right . There is a should statement and I always say that a should is a could , with a blanket of shame . Not originally mine , I heard that on another podcast .

But the point is , if you're saying to yourself this , but the point is , if you're saying to yourself this shouldn't be happening , then you're fighting reality . The reason it should be happening is because it is happening . When you fight reality , you lose 100% of the time . Fighting what's happening is not actually a way to disarm criticism .

When somebody is standing in front of you saying things to criticize you , you have given them all of your power . How exactly did you do that ? Imagine a criticism . It can sound like I don't like the way you wear your hijab . I don't like the way you dress . Why are your kids still in diaper ? You should eat less carbs . You drive recklessly .

You drive too slowly . You should study more . You can't handle employees well . You don't work hard enough . You are a dreamer , not a doer . Find the worst criticism you can imagine being passed to you Transport in that moment .

And imagine that sentence being said to you In that moment , the minute you perceive criticism , is when you've given all of your power to the other person . They now hold the power to control your emotions . You might intellectually know that they can't do that , and you've learned here at Islamic Life Coach School that no circumstances can control your emotions .

But in the case of criticism , you've given your emotional power to the one criticizing you and that's because you're believing their criticism . You're thinking what they said is right about you . The minute you label it criticism , you have believed them . You've given away your power Because otherwise it would just be a sentence . Think about that .

The reason you perceive criticism is because at some level you believed it . Otherwise it would just be a sentence , like if I told you I hate your blue hair , that is just a sentence to you . If anything , it's a weird sentence , but still a sentence . You would not call it criticism because you do not believe me . You would not perceive criticism .

In fact , you could actually care less , probably . Well , by the way , I was once teaching this concept to a friend and she said well , I don't actually have blue hair , but I do have purple hair under my hijab , and I was just dead silent .

In that moment I came really close to actually insulting her , but no harm done because she's a very good person , very good natured , light-hearted . So anyways , I digress . So the reason you don't perceive criticism in the example of me judging your blue hair is because you don't believe me .

On the other hand , if I was your spouse and I told you I hate your curly hair , why don't you keep up with conditioning it ? And you happen to have curly hair , then the plot thickens . Now your brain will assign it a completely different meaning . In a setting that you carry any level of insecurity about your curly hair , you will call it criticism .

It can also sound like this Patient said you can't even fix my cold with antibiotics . You are the worst doctor . If you found that to be a criticism , you might have believed the patient's story . Or mother-in-law said your house is always in chaos .

Or in an instant where you might have hesitated to take a turn on the highway because you weren't sure about the directions and the stranger yelled at you about how horrible of a driver you are . Which other sentences are you believing ? So the call to action after this podcast is you identify exactly when you are labeling a sentence criticism .

Then dig deep and find out what it is that you have believed about that sentence , because that's the only thing that made it a criticism . The most important point of following this method is because when you identify that , that's exactly where your power of change lies . That's how you render a criticism ineffective . And again , that is with your thoughts .

That's it . You cannot fight reality by saying that they should or should not be doing those things or saying those words . That will be a massive waste of energy . The only way to render a criticism ineffective is to not believe it . And again , if you're labeling somebody's comment as criticism , you've already passed the point of believing it .

How about sentences like this ? I know exactly when my kids should come out of diapers . I know exactly how much I should work and how much time I should spend organizing my house . I know exactly how spiritual I am and how much my dress code has to do with my religious beliefs .

Personally , when I see somebody else making an attempt to pass a criticism towards me , I find it fascinating , because I do not believe them . It wasn't always like this , but I carefully refined it over time to better serve me . I never believe a criticism and if I do , I do the internal work to figure out why I believed it .

You always have a choice to think oh , somebody else thinks that I should be doing things this way . That's funny , because I do not agree with them at all . I should be doing things exactly the way I'm doing things . But thank you for the consideration . The minute you perceive criticism is the minute you've handed your power to the other person .

The good news is , it's just as easy to take your power back . Ask yourself why are you believing them ? Why is this a sensitive spot for you ? Is it actually something you need to work on ? Are the kids five years old and spending all day in diapers ? Is that happened to be a problem for you ? Is that something you wanted to change ?

You wanted to potty train them , but you've never had time . So actually , secretly , you're judging yourself for not potty training them in time . So it is your self-criticism that makes you believe that criticism . It just so happens that somebody else pointed it out to you .

So if that's something that's been bothering you and you haven't been able to properly potty train them , then of course you'll perceive criticism Because you believe that about yourself . One way to use criticism to your advantage is to again use it as an introspection tool and ask yourself what is being asked of me ? Is it really true or not ?

If it is true , great . They stated something that needed to be said , in which case you can thank them and fix the problem and move on . You just take it as constructive feedback . If what they say is absolutely not true , then it gets even easier , because all you have to do is not believe them .

True , then it gets even easier because all you have to do is not believe them . So if you perceive criticism , ask yourself why . Then ask yourself if there's something to be fixed . Is there any truth to that statement ?

But I will say this this work needs to be done carefully , because if you start to look for truth in somebody else's statement and their agenda is to keep you small , then it becomes very easy for shaitan to enter in that voice in your head and put you in shame by asking you to look for truth in another person's statement .

I'm not asking you to go into shame . That's Shaitan's work . I'm asking you to just self-correct . If you can't potty train the kids tomorrow , then it could be next week , maybe in the next few months or any time that fits you best .

Anytime you're self-correcting , make a promise to yourself that you will do so at your own timeline , on your own terms , because that is something you value , not because you're doing it out of a sense of obligation .

This is a very important distinction to be made , and for that you have to be coming from a place of a lot of self-confidence , because that is when you'll be able to fight those waswasas , those whispers of shaitan .

Make a lot of dhikr in these cases . Make Make a lot of dua for your guidance . Ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that you don't fall into arrogance . And if there is a weakness for you to work on because , surprise , surprise , you are a human being and you can make mistakes then make dua that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grants you the strength to work on it .

Either way , you do not have to hand your emotional power to the person criticizing you , because that is the last place you want the power to be With that . I ask Allah to grant us the emotional resilience required to start this work .

May Allah grant us all the insight to start this introspection from a place of self-love and not from a place of self-judgment .

May Allah grant me , first of all , and all of us , the insight to understand if we are being critical of others while that wasn't our intention , and I also make du'a for Allah to grant us the strength to self-correct our courses at any given point .

If , after making all of these du'as and doing the self-work , criticism seems to be a challenge for you , please find me for a free consultation at islamiclifecoachschoolcom . I will talk to you guys next time .