Gift of Acceptance

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Improving your life's outcome is my only and my most sincere intention , so today's topic is one of those that might shake you to the core . So brace yourself , take notes , listen again and again or whatever it takes for you to learn this , because today we're going to be talking about acceptance .

People tell me I've accepted things the way they are and I'm happy , in which case I'm happy for you . If that's truly the case , then there's nothing better in the world . But the problem is the same . People are coming to me and telling me they don't know why they feel so terrible all the time and they don't know what they're doing wrong .

The answer is that there's a huge difference between accepting what you will not change and what you cannot change . And when you mistake what you will not change for something that you cannot change , you will be stuck in a miserable experience and all it boils down to is understanding the difference between acceptance of a circumstance versus acceptance of thoughts .

And if you implement what's in this podcast , you'll be giving yourself the correct gift of acceptance . C-t-f-a-r formula of life Circ . Life circumstances , thoughts , feelings , actions and results always happens in that order , and everything in the world can fit into one of these categories . Circumstances are outside of us , out of our control .

We apply our thoughts to these circumstances that eventually create our results , and this model tells us that our thoughts are independent of our circumstances .

You will be extremely uncomfortable in life when you accept something that you will not change , like your belief system , rather than accepting something that you cannot change , which is your circumstance or your qadr .

Acceptance of the circumstance is you giving permission for things to occur as they are because they are happening already outside of you and outside of your control . This includes other people's behavior and that little spinning circle on your computer screen when it freezes . If you accept that that's what's happening , you're allowing it to happen .

You're not making it happen , but you're letting it , because it's already happening , happen . You're not making it happen , but you're letting it because it's already happening . And with that acceptance you gain a sense of freedom , because these circumstances are already outside of your control . So letting them happen saves you a bunch of mind drama .

In contrast to this , when you accept your thoughts as your circumstance like she irritates me every time she opens her mouth , or that old computer is the reason I'll fail my exam If you accept these sentences as a circumstance , your soul , your higher self , knows that this is a mistake and it will nudge you to correct it .

Thus the mind and body brew a conflict until you resolve this misunderstanding . And sometimes this exact conflict brings you to coaching . So in today's podcast I will clarify if you're one of the people who's making this mistake and , if you are , then how to correct it . The process starts with , first of all , accepting where you are .

One of my coach friends told a great story about how she suffered from a bleeding stroke that left her bed bound at a young age , and when she was in a hospital her mother asked her what's next and she replied with I will find my happiness again and that , to me , was so inspirational in itself .

Here is a functional young woman who went from living a life to paraplegic without any warning and she's in her hospital bed already talking about finding a good in this situation . But what her mom said next blew me away even more . Her mother corrected her and said if you think your happiness is even an inch away , you will never get there .

Because when you do whatever it is that you need to do to get there , because when you do whatever it is that you need to do to get there , your brain will move the happiness an inch further . This is so profound . Happiness comes from the way things are .

Now , in this moment , when she thought she would have to go looking for happiness somewhere out there , the happiness moved an inch away . But when she accepted that she had a stroke and she wasn't going to let that define her , her happiness moved right inside of her where it belonged .

What she did not accept that her stroke meant she had to be bed bound for the rest of her life . She found her happiness right in that moment by accepting what is a stroke , not by accepting her limitations . That is the real gift of acceptance Accept where you are . Now this will undoubtedly be misunderstood , but that's okay .

I would rather have you guys ask me clarifying questions than me staying away from this concept altogether . So number one was accept where you are , and number two is accept what is not possible for you . At four feet two inches , you might not be a professional basketball player , but you can play basketball to your heart's content if you choose to do so .

If you cannot conceive a child because of absolute biological reasons , then accept it . If infertility is a diagnosis , accept it . That does not mean you're accepting there's something wrong with you . It also doesn't mean you can't have a child or that you can't raise a child . You , first of all , are whole and 100% worthy , with or without children .

Your acceptance of the biological or physical reasons of not being able to carry a child is your acceptance of the way things are . Accept not being able to carry a child is your acceptance of the way things are . Acceptance of your thoughts will sound like I'm not fit to be a mother . This is a punishment . All of this will create your limitations .

Accepting what is not possible sets you free so that you can channel your energy into figuring out what is possible . Accepting your limiting belief about your circumstance traps you . So , like we said , accepting a circumstance includes accepting what is not possible for you . Accepting a diagnosis of dyslexia is accepting something you cannot change .

That is accepting a circumstance . In contrast to that is , if you accept you cannot get a higher education because of this diagnosis . This is you accepting a limiting thought , something you cannot change , versus something you will not change . Huge difference .

Accept the truth , the facts , the 100% provableable reality , not what your brain presents to you as the reality . They are two different things . The prophet , peace be upon him , used to make a beautiful اللهم أرنا الحق حقا وارزقنا اتباعا . وارنا الباطل باطلا وارزقنا اجتنابا .

O Allah , enable us to see the truth as truth and give us the ability to follow it , and show us the falsehood as false and give us the ability to refrain from it . May Allah make us of those who can separate truth from falsehood , especially as it exists in our brain .

Agreeing that your worth is somehow less because you can't have children , accepting that you can't love children because they are not your own , thinking that you're somehow being punished because you're having a hard time conceiving , that is you accepting falsehood , falsehood of your brain .

Accepting that being in a wheelchair means you can't compete in sports or can't hold a corporate job . Accepting falsehood , accepting that whatever you try to sell in your e-commerce business doesn't work Falsehood . This is based on a true story . By the way , a client totally believed that after trying to sell two products on Amazon , she couldn't do it .

We coached her into being more resilient , so it worked out . This is a good example . Because she was reluctant to give up her thoughts , which is fine . That's the brain's job . It hangs on to limiting beliefs with dear life . But if you argue for your limitations , you get to keep them .

She clearly announced that I accept my thoughts and whatever I try doesn't work . She understood that she was babying a limiting belief and she willingly accepted it , which is fine with me . But you know what that's called . It's called giving up .

If you're willingly accepting your thoughts as facts , while clearly knowing the difference , be truthful that you called giving up . If you're willingly accepting your thoughts as facts , while clearly knowing the difference , be truthful that you're giving up . Nothing wrong with that . At least be honest with yourself .

Giving up is admitting that you're not willing to do this work Again , completely acceptable . Just be honest . In this case , the profit in Amazon business is a circumstance . The profit in Amazon business is a circumstance . Whatever I try doesn't work is a thought .

A lot of people tell themselves that they're accepting reality and that's just how things are , when they're really not choosing to put their effort in this work . And that's okay . Just take responsibility for it . You can say I'm not ready to do this work .

I want to do this work , but I will delay it until after my studies , until after my kids grow up or my busy work season is over . You're choosing always not to do this work . The reality isn't that things are just happening to you . If the results aren't visible , you're choosing not to do the work , which is okay .

Give yourself that acceptance rather than blaming yourself , because that will create a constant guilt about how you want to do it , but you're not actually doing it . This is much more empowering . This way , you're telling your higher self I want to do it , but I'm choosing to do it later , instead of saying this .

Empowering things like I don to do it , but I'm choosing to do it later . Instead of saying disempowering things like I don't have money , say , I have this much money in my bank account and right now I'm choosing to pay my rent , my mortgage , my car payment . I'm choosing to pay for my wedding , for my kid's education , for the dinners on the table .

I'm choosing something else , rather than coaching for the money I have . Do not say I don't have money and then accept it as a fact . That's falsehood . That is self-defeating , extremely disempowering . Instead of saying I'm giving up , you can say I'm choosing something else right now , although both are allowed , I highly advise against giving up .

But I cannot take that freedom of choice away from you . I am no longer going to try to choice away from you . I am no longer going to try to make this business work . I am no longer going to try to work out . I'm going to delay working on my emotional eating until after my graduate studies . I will get coaching for my irritability .

After September I will get coached on toxic relationships . In exactly one year , I am going to allow all of what's happening . For the time being , at least , you're taking the self-judgment out of the way which feels better than coaching doesn't work . I don't have money , kids are rowdy , job is horrible . All are very , very disempowering .

Okay , so differentiate between number one true acceptance , allowing things the way they are , extremely freeing . Number two , accepting that you are choosing something else right now , also freeing . Or number three , accepting falsehood , which are limiting beliefs fed to you by the devil . Accepting these will have you feeling terrible . This is equivalent to giving up .

Giving up is when you stop believing that you could achieve things that you start out . It will have a temporary relief , but it will feel worse in the long term . Giving up has a certain urgency to it . I want to get out of this marriage . I want to stop studying , because studying with children is hard .

I can't keep up with my dhikr remembrance of Allah because it takes too much time . I have to give up my job so I can keep my husband happy . Giving up has a rushed energy and it has to be done right away . Versus when you accept a fact as it is , it has a sense of relief without the urgency .

Also , identify which emotion are you trying to release by giving up , because if you can do that , chances are you can fix the uncomfortable emotion by thought , work instead of giving up , in which case you will preserve your integrity with your higher self .

Know the difference between I don't want to lose weight because I don't want to do the work versus I can't do it . Most of us are giving up way too early and this is to release the discomfort of not seeing the results . And then we start calling it acceptance . 90-95% of the people give up way too early and call it acceptance of qadr .

The way to know the difference is that your qalb will tell you your mind and body will not align . Your mind will be calling it acceptance and your rational mind will present all of the evidence to you and your body will not agree . Your body will tell you a completely different story .

In real acceptance of qadr your factual circumstance your qalb will be in peace . Your mind will agree with your body . Identify your thoughts and you are welcome to continue to keep them . I'm giving up because I'm believing that I don't have time . I'm giving up because I'm thinking this is too hard .

Identify the thinking and come to an understanding that you're choosing to believe these limiting thoughts and then give up At least with this method . If you set out to do the work again , you'll know there's nothing inherently unmotivational about you .

You'll know that you just need to do the thought work before you can finish the project , because without this acceptance of giving up , people come to me with results that they've generated in the past that have been based on past limited thinking , and they come to me for coaching and they say these are the facts .

I tried to finish something and it didn't happen , therefore proving I can't do something and I'm like , well , it doesn't quite work like that . All of this evidence has gathered because you had given up . What is happening is that your current evidence is based on a bunch of thought errors that you didn't correct , nothing else .

You generate a lack of results after giving up that you will then use against yourself in the future . See how ironic that is , and the worst part is that we end up calling it qadr . You have no idea what your qadr is . We create limitations for ourselves and then we have the audacity to apply those limitations to Allah by calling it qadr .

Astaghfirullah , may Allah protect us all . If you don't want to do the work , if you're too tired to do the work , if you're too jaded that this work doesn't matter or it doesn't apply to you or is unlikely to give you results , accept those as thoughts your thoughts , not facts and allow yourself to give up .

That is a much higher place of integrity than saying that the world is lined up against you . Economy is bad , best friend is hormonal . Mother's mental illness is why you can't keep a job , and on and on and on . And then people say well , I'm calling it acceptance . Why do I feel so bad all the time ? Now you know why .

Differentiate between what you cannot change versus what you will not change . If you're accepting your limiting thoughts , then you're giving up . If you're accepting your limiting thoughts , then you're giving up . If you're accepting your circumstance , then you are in true acceptance . I earn more than my husband . Accepting a circumstance .

I earn more than my husband , which is why I can't respect him . That's you accepting a thought , a very painful one at that . That can never bring you peace . Then you'll wonder if I'm accepting the way things are , why aren't I feeling better ? And this is how you know how . If you're okay with choosing your limitations , that's perfectly fine .

A lot of people do that . Some people choose their limitations because breaking out of them is hard , like my brain offers me . It's really hard to live a life without sugar and flour . It's really hard to work out . It's really hard to blah , blah , blah . Insert your mountain to climb here and I tell my brain thank you for offering that .

Yes , it might be hard , but who said life in this world is supposed to be easy ? I'm picking the hard things to do . In this case , I'm accepting that I'm having a limiting thought , but I'm finding thoughts around it , the ones that serve me .

I believe that a full body workout and building and sustaining muscles is hard , but I'm also believing that life is about choosing your hard . I either choose the hard things I want to do and grow from them , or life will hand me the hard things and I will have no choice in the matter . Either way , life is hard 50-50 .

But I'm also really good at doing hard things . I make hard things very easy . That is my special talent . Just because you're thinking something does not make it real . Life is hard seems like a fact , but it is a thought . When I accept it , when I know the difference , I can create a way around it if I want it .

But when I accept life is hard as a circumstance , I close all avenues . In the last 10 days of Ramadan , give yourself the gift of acceptance . Move happiness right inside of you , even if it is an inch away .

You have a choice between acceptance of a fact , acceptance of giving up , acceptance of doing this work later , acceptance of what is not possible , acceptance of how things are now ? Which of these kinds of acceptance do you really want ? Choose consciously , so at least you can free yourself from feeling terrible all the time .

The Prophet's Dua that I mentioned is extremely powerful . I turn to it every morning when I sit down to do my thought output , and I hope you guys do the same . If you have any questions , please email me at team at islamiclifecourseschoolcom . I will leave a link in the show notes . Send me questions , comments , suggestions .

Send me if you need help differentiating between a thought and a fact , and what is it that you're truly accepting , and I will gladly reply back to you . If you've taken notes , feel free to share them with me . I'd love to read your take on this .

With that , I pray that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grants us the ability to tell the difference between the truth and falsehood as it comes up inside of us or outside of us . Just like the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has asked , I pray that we make use of all of the blessings of this month of Ramadan and carry it all throughout the year .

I pray that all of the Muslim ummah and all of my listeners don't find their happiness even an inch away from themselves and if they do , they know how to do the work to place it right back inside of them , where it actually belongs . Inshallah , please keep me in your prayers . I will talk to you guys next time .