Expert Vs Authority: Which is More Valuable?

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You can participate with a camera on or off , you can participate anonymously , you can ask an audio question or a question via Zoom chat whatever you're comfortable with , all right . So today we will be talking about claiming your authority as it relates to making decisions .

This is about practicing autonomy , assertiveness and agency , and this continues to be something that keeps coming up for my clients . So today's concept has to do with understanding the difference between expert and authority . The world is becoming highly specialized in this age of information and you cannot possibly be an expert in every field .

Even as it related to being a polymath in the previous times , now it is becoming harder and harder because each specialty has a much more granular and a much more deeper level of expertise in it .

For you to be considered a polymath , you have to be an expert in more than one field , which maybe is possible in two fields , but difficult in three or more fields . Why am I telling you this ? It becomes important because there is a need to differentiate between the need of an expert and the need of your authority .

Not being able to be an expert in every field makes for the great contrast in life . Expert in every field makes for the great contrast in life , because I don't like to study what you like to study and I would rather rely on your expertise to help me make a decision .

Pharmacists knows a lot more about drugs in my professional life and I , as a physician , have to rely on their expertise when it comes to the drugs , but when we combine our expertise me as a physician and a clinician and them as a pharmacist we are able to deliver much more effective care to the patient than each of us could individually , and this is across

the board . In any profession , not just healthcare , the general contractor relies on the expertise of an electrician , a plumber and the electrician rely on the general contractor . Dentist relies on the office manager to run the day-to-day business and the office manager relies on the dentist to provide services . So there is a business to run .

Each have their areas of expertise , but what I want to make a distinction about today has to do with your authority . Your authority is that something that's completely different than your expertise . Your authority has to do with your ability to make your own decisions and your freedom as a human to make those decisions . This has to do with your free will .

Practicing authority demands that you have a clear vision of your values and your long-term goals . This is the only way you can practice your autonomy as a human being . So , while you're not an expert in every field , bummer , you do carry authority to make your own decisions in every field .

Great news , huge difference between expert and authority and a huge pain point when you mix the two . An expert is a person who has a high level of knowledge , skill , proficiency in a particular field . Someone with authority is a person who has the power or right to make the decisions . Everyone is not an expert , but everyone has authority over their lives .

The way I mean authority here is your capacity to exercise your free will , your decision making , your volition , your sovereignty , your dominion , your agency .

Agency is probably actually the closest word to authority that I could find , and I use them interchangeably , but authority is something I want Muslim women to get comfortable with , because the word authority raises a particular type of discomfort among women , so this is why we have to work on normalizing it in this episode .

So expert is a surgeon who has the knowledge and the skill to perform surgery , while the authority is with the person who has the power to make the decision about whether or not to undergo the surgery . Expert is somebody who spends years learning a field .

You can be an expert if you've learned and practiced in a particular field , or an expert can be somebody else over you .

So when I go to buy a house , I rely on an expertise of a real estate agent , an appraiser , surveyor , because I don't have that level of knowledge that all of these people offer , but the authority to make the decision about buying the house still rests on me . Expertise can be delegated . Authority cannot be .

Muslim women frequently surrender their authority because they carry a minority status in the Western world , and the central message behind the socialization of any minority , especially Muslim women , is that to not accept yourself as an authority , but to see everyone else as an authority over you .

Women are indoctrinated in explicit and implicit ways not to trust their own agency , not to trust their own decision-making . If you're not used to making decisions about your life , that's because you've been handing your authority to someone else all your life .

This prevents women from making strong decisions and from gaining the skills of making strong decisions and then having to face with bravery and courage the consequences of those decisions which , by the way , everyone faces the consequences of their decisions . It's not just particular to women , and not having learned that skill keeps women in indecision .

If you're spending a disproportionately large amount of time with indecisions , it's because you're wrongly delegating your authority to an expert . Centuries of colonization have left Muslims , intellectually colonized , where if you observe someone in a Western wardrobe , you automatically hand over your authority to them .

This is a result of strong subconscious programming over years and years of geographical and military occupation , which now extends to intellectual occupation and colonization , which now extends to intellectual occupation and colonization .

As a result , you outsource your authority to someone who doesn't have an accent , who happens to have lighter skin , who has more money , who has a better physique than you , who's more confident , but not necessarily competent . You are subconsciously handing your authority to them .

More insecure you are , the more you will forego your authority , and gaining security lies with practicing more and more decision making . This level of socialization that keeps women away from practicing their authority is very far-reaching . It looks like that these days , we need an expert to be able to just think .

We need an expert advice on what to eat , what to wear , how to wear it , what color is in , what color is not . We need an expert to tell us even what to believe in . We need an expert to tell us what our likes and dislikes are , and mostly these experts need to be men .

Women are constantly told to rely on a man as an authority , not just as an expert , this is a particularly universal phenomenon in minority groups . I learned about marginalized identities from a diversity coach of mine , and what that means is that it's an identity that causes a person to be disproportionately subject to discrimination .

Being a Muslim in a non-Muslim country counts as one marginalized identity . Being a person of color , having an accent , belonging to a certain ethnic group , carrying a certain worldview all of them add up as one more marginalized identity , and that adds to your mental load of work that you must do to separate yourself from the social forces .

So , while the society and the social forces might be a circumstance , your thoughts about doing the work of separating yourself from those circumstances becomes more and more because of all of the minority statuses that you carry .

So anything that sets you apart from the majority group counts as a marginalized identity and puts you at a higher risk of foregoing your authority through discrimination and socialization . The more marginalized identity you carry , the more you delegate your authority to somebody else .

And when I tell you these things , when I educate you on these definitions , it is not to put you in another box , it's not to put another label so that your brain can start working on how to victimize yourself , how to find out how many marginalized identities do I carry and how can I become a victim of each one of those ?

I become a victim of each one of those . This is not the purpose of this education . The purpose of this is so that you can separate yourself from this . So , like for me , I'm a first generation immigrant , brown Muslim woman who wears hijab .

Every single one of these identities makes me a target for further marginalization , and it is up to me to reject that ideology . It is up to me to become a victim of that ideology , and the liberation starts with accepting my own authority , my power to make my own decisions . As a listener of this podcast , you might carry more or less of these identities .

You might carry more or less of these identities as Muslim women . Our choice of clothes , faith , languages , color of skin , ethnicities all add layers of marginalized identities . Understand this level of work and don't victimize yourself , but look out for how much authority you've accidentally given up in your life because of this phenomenon .

That way , you can start to claim it back . Your worldviews put you in a marginalized category and the more of these identities you carry , the higher likelihood that you've assigned your authority to somebody else . It just puts you at a higher risk of giving up your freedom or making your own decisions compared to somebody else who enjoys white privilege .

So now , even in the most basic of functions of life , we're told we need an expert , and we end up believing them . We're told we need an expert on what to eat , on what to wear . We need an influencer on how to think , how to act .

We need an expert to tell us how to raise our children , what it means to be a good wife , what it looks like to be a good Muslim woman and women especially are socialized to delegate authority to men .

When it comes to quote-unquote , bigger decisions like major decisions of real estate purchases , finance decisions , investments , career changes , moving , especially if you are a single woman , there is little to no talk about owning your own ability to make these decisions . Rather , the message is wait until you get married and your husband will know .

Or , if you're in your parents' home , the elders of the home know how to make decisions better than you . So before marriage , we're socialized to believe authority is with our parents or older brothers , uncles or cousins , and after marriage , authority is with the husband or the in-laws or grown children .

The disconnection from your own authority happens because society benefits from you not taking ownership of your life . It benefits from you delegating your authority to others so that they can make money off of your indecisions , so that they can sell you stuff when you become uncomfortable . And this does not happen accidentally , it happens deliberately .

But I would also like to add that it can only happen if you let it . If you just become aware of this dynamic , you can start to take control away from society and into your own hands . Substituting authority can happen in the simplest and the most complex of decisions , like I don't know what to cook , I better call my mother .

Or I can't be trusted in spending my own money , so I better find out from my husband . And I don't know if I look good , I better refer to a fashion magazine . And I don't know if I look good , I better refer to a fashion magazine . You rely on all of these resources for your expertise , and you can do that , but do not give them your authority .

You are always the one making a decision about your life , even if you're trying to escape that responsibility by handing over your authority . In that case , you're just accepting their decision as your own . You're deciding to accept somebody else's authority .

One way to elevate your mental well-being , if you are going to subcontract your authority out to somebody else , like a magazine or a person , is that you decide to do it consciously and deliberately , meaning you can decide that and you can choose the decision that they make to be something that you actually want .

I am not saying that you don't benefit from other people's life's experiences , like your parents or your husband . I'm not saying don't make a collective decision , especially if you're married and the dynamics of a partnership . I'm not saying you don't accept your parents' decisions . By all means , take advice from your mother .

Take the expertise of your husband respectfully , lovingly , wholeheartedly , thoughtfully , but do it with a conscious understanding that you are still practicing your authority in accepting their decision , their wisdom , their advice . I accept many of my husband's decisions every day . I choose to stay married to him . I rely on his expertise where he can offer it .

I rely on him to make many household decisions , but I do not delegate my authority to him . Whatever he decides , I still decide to accept it consciously . Notion that your personal authority cannot be practiced without disrespect is deeply flawed . If you haven't figured out how to do that , get coaching . Your authority is only yours to keep .

How you act based on an expert's or family's advice , will be yours to answer for . So in a professional setting , foregoing authority translates as imposter syndrome , because if you're never taught to trust your training , your decision-making capacity , then you would always find proof that somebody else knows more than you do about what you're doing .

In your personal life , it looks like looking for an expert online . Or you want your mother to validate your choices , or you want at least one friend to approve of your actions . Subconsciously , we are all doing this a lot . To this day , I'm catching myself delegating my authority to other people . It requires constant check-in and course correction .

Make your decisions and refuse to second-guess yourself . Evaluate the results of decisions just to improve for the next time , but do not judge yourself for making the wrong decision . Labeling your choices as a wrong decision is why women are unable to claim their authority .

If someone else made the decision , then women wouldn't have to blame themselves when things don't work out . I have an idea , though how about you don't blame at all ? If you make a decision and the outcome wasn't what you expected , then you can just choose not to blame yourself . You can just choose not to create blame and regret and shame with your thinking .

Instead , make a pact with yourself that every decision you make results in a sample that you can use to make a better future decision . If you're afraid to claim your authority based on fear of making the wrong decision , just remember that a wrong decision is an opinion , therefore a choice .

You can just as easily choose to think of it as a sample you collected to refine your future decision making . You can choose to think that you made the right decision . You can choose to think that you made the decision as best as you could given the circumstances . And this skill is what women are never taught .

Women are never taught to have their own backs to learn from their decision making . Girls are being brought up in fear that if there is an undesired outcome of their decision , it will confirm that they are untrustworthy .

So girls don't even entertain the idea of going down the road of possibly making a decision , while boys are brought up to experiment and encouraged to make mistakes and learn from them . So if you're in a household of boys and girls , make sure you equalize that opportunity .

And for you , as a Muslim woman , I suggest keep practicing decision making and having your back , because from the inability to make small decisions stems the inability to make big decisions without validation , like when to get married or when to have children , which degree to get , if to get a degree or not at all , how to dress , where to go , is it a good

time to take a vacation . This creates for constant rumination , constant burning of mental capacity and a loss of emotional and mental wellness . So , as an exercise from this podcast , I want you guys to start forming your own opinions and be willing to be wrong about them . And it does not mean that you have to disagree with everything you're ever told .

It just means that if something doesn't feel quite right to you , then make your own opinion about it and have your back following through with it . Trust yourself in your authority . It was placed there by Allah when he made you an individual human being with free will .

Don't think that any level of subconscious delegation of power occurs in isolation . It shows up everywhere in your life . It shows up in your intimate relationships , your familial relationships . It shows up in your professional life . It shows up everywhere . This is a habituated thought pattern of not trusting yourself .

A time of meetup that you've already deciding on going back on your decision of traveling , spending an inordinate amount of time in front of the closet trying to decide what to wear . This shows up as imposter syndrome , like we talked about . Shows up as people pleasing when you say yes to other people at your own expense .

It shows up as external validation seeking , where you can't move forward unless you've gotten at least one yes on your decision . In that case , you will need one affirmation , one person , to back up your story , just so you can justify your decision to yourself . I request that you stop doing that . You can decide to stop doing that .

That will release you from so much resistance and grief and your life will immediately elevate . Then people tell me as an objection that I need a sanity check . What about when we are making decisions and we need some sort of a check and balance ?

Women tell me they want to make sure that there's another set of eyes to tell them they're not wrong about their decisions , and this happens usually in shape of close friends and trusted relatives .

Women are looking for people that are not shy to tell them when they're out of their mind or making a certain wrong decisions , so that these people can keep them from making mistakes . First of all who said a mistake is a bad thing .

Trust me , that's how everyone else becomes an expert on this earth by making mistakes and when you truly exercise your authority , every outcome can be turned into a gift and opportunity , using the power of your mind . But again , if someone else's opinion helps you move forward .

You're welcome to rely on your close circle of relationships for a proverbial sanity check . But there is a huge difference between subcontracting your authority out completely and relying on a second opinion to help make your decision .

If you are relinquishing all level of adult responsibility of decision making , if you are constantly external validation seeking , you will not be able to make a decision one way or another . You will be constantly worried about what would my mother say , what would my relatives think , what would the employee think ? The neighbor think , the colleague ?

If you have surrendered your authority , then you will be indecisive , stuck thinking a lot but not moving forward . But if you're really looking for a different set of eyes to help gain clarity , you will arrive at a decision one way or another . You will end up deciding yes or no , but through your own power , and you will move forward .

During my coaching program , we lift the subconscious block that has you continually handing your authority over to others , this block that has you continually stuck in crowdsourcing your decisions . Anybody who has known me knows how big of a non-authority I used to be prior to coaching work .

I still catch myself every now and then , but it is nothing compared to what it used to be , and it was bad . There are times when I'm happily , consciously letting other people decide for me . But a healthier way to think about it is I'm deciding to trust their decision , like when I'm too tired or preoccupied to decide what to eat for lunch .

I will let somebody else decide for me . I could say I don't know , I'm too tired , I'm too busy , just order for me . Or if they ask where do you want to go , I can say I don't know , surprise me . In that moment I can decide to trust their decision .

If you're with a group of friends , it could be that you let the group decide what your activities are going to be and you're okay with that choice . I am happy to let others decide for me .

Consciously , I am still exercising my authority to accept their decision as mine Key operating word here consciously , authority , autonomy , free will was placed in you by Allah SWT .

The default , easy way is to forget that and after we forget that we have authority , we delegate it to an expert and then we find ourselves in immense amount of pain and we complain about it . We say Islam doesn't give women authority . We complain men take our authority away . We complain that culture and society oppresses women .

Any and all of these can be made into circumstances . They cannot take your authority away without your consent . You are subconsciously consenting to giving your authority away . It happens through your primal programming , through your need of belonging , out of fear of rejection , fear of other people withholding love from you .

All of this is a function of your lower brain . Fear is a lower brain response if it's obstructing your life . And take advice , do research , but decide with your God-given authority .

With that , I pray to Allah that , o Allah , grant us the wisdom , strength , freedom and independence to make our own choices and guide us to use our authority autonomy , our authority autonomy agency , in a way that pleases you . O Allah , help us stand up for our rights and make decisions that benefit us and ones that benefit everyone around us .

Help us make decisions within the bound of your divine laws and decisions that prove beneficial to us on the day of judgment . O Allah , we , as Muslim women , pray for your guidance and support in our journey towards realizing our full potential . Help us recognize any societal limitations or constraints that prevent us from exercising our agency , agency .

Grant us the courage to speak out against any injustice or oppression against women or humanity at large . O Allah , please purify our intentions behind our decisions and I ask that you accept our contributions and help us strive for ihsan excellence in this world through our authority in all that we do .

Oh Allah , help us become role models for the future generations . Ameen , ya Rabbul A'lamin , please keep me in your du'as . I will talk to you guys next time .