Expanding Emotional Vocabulary

I've spoken previously in detail about this , but much more can be said . I've taught you guys how to neutralize language around circumstance and how to watch your language around your thoughts . Today , the emphasis will be on emotions Create goals and manage your mind while getting there . That is true mental health . This managed mind leads to managed emotions .

They are the basis of all human actions . If you don't believe me , then just look at the marketing industry From dog food to diaper commercials , to car commercials . They all tell us an emotional , relatable story , so we can all feel the change inside of our body . Then we feel the compulsion to buy the product .

Through storytelling , these commercials appeal directly to our emotions , which is the energy store for our actions . And the action might be to buy the car or the mop , even though you have 10 different mops and you only use one mop , but you still feel the compulsion to buy one based on the story they told on the commercial . So emotions are important .

The advertising industry has harnessed that skill and spends billions of dollars to influence our actions by calling to our emotions . The seat of all human emotion has historically been the heart . Humans mostly feel their emotions in their body , mainly in their chest , and the heart is the universal symbol for it .

If we are not in touch with what our body is telling us through these sensations , we miss out on massive action . So in this podcast , I'll try to expand on how to get in touch with your emotions and how to expand your emotional vocabulary . The word qalb , or heart , is mentioned in the Quran 130 times Surah Tawbah , number 9 , ayah 87 .

And their hearts were sealed over , so they do not understand . Surah al hajj , number twenty two , I forty six . So have they not travelled through the earth and have hearts by which to reason and ears by which to hear ? Where the heart is mentioned , different tasks have been assigned to it , including hypocrisy , sin , faith , truth , etc .

But more importantly , for the purposes of this podcast , I'll mention meanings assigned to the heart in terms of reasoning and understanding . Modern science can tell you that reasoning and understanding are the tasks of the brain , and when I read translations or different explanations of the ayahs that I just mentioned .

They mentioned the heart to be used in terms of reasoning , and I was always confused . I always thought to myself how can this be ? We know scientifically that the brain is the organ of reasoning . And astaghfirullah .

Not in a sense that I was questioning the Quran's validity , but I was questioning with curiosity what could it mean to think from the heart and see from the heart ? And , as per my humble understanding , the answer lies with emotions . If you are able to gain clarity around your emotions , your heart will be aligned with your brain , and that is true reasoning .

So science says emotions are neurochemical reactions originating from the limbic system of the brain , causing a cascade of biochemical reactions including , but not limited to , adrenaline , noradrenaline , dopamine , oxytocin , gaba , serotonin and I hope you were paying attention because there's going to be a quiz later on .

So this is the scientific molecular explanation of how the emotions work , and , based on this , one of my physician colleagues , who is also a life coach , said to me well , emotions are nothing but neurochemical reactions from your brain , and while that statement is scientifically correct , it provides a very reductionist take on such a huge force that is the emotion .

If we say I feel happy or excited because of a combination of adrenaline oxytocin , we will be scientifically correct . But what use is that information if we can't drive actionable steps out of this ? The experiences that these chemical reactions produce in our body is the golden ticket .

This complicated cascade of biochemical reactions produces a broad spectrum of emotions which serves as a fuel to our actions . So it only makes sense to evolve this source of energy so we can then use it to direct our actions and to create results . This large store of emotions serves as a large palette of colors to paint our lives with .

If human emotions are so important that they've been mentioned in the Quran 130 times in a form of qalb , where the Quran urges us to think from our emotions and they're responsible for all of our actions , then let's not get bogged down with the scientific terminology and let's not burden ourselves by memorizing the neurochemical pathways .

Instead , let's label all of these emotions and let's start expanding our emotional vocabulary so we can actually put it to use . The more clearly you can define an emotion , the state you are in when you are experiencing that , the more clear your actions will become .

When I'm working directly with clients , one of the things that clients spend considerable time on is experiencing an emotion and bringing it to consciousness . The first step to do this practice is to name the emotion In the beginning .

Sometimes it's very hard for some of my clients to even get in touch with their feelings because they've spent a lifetime suppressing them and numbing them . So people can't even find words to describe a sensation they're feeling because they've never practiced the language of emotions . Sometimes it's so bad they can't even describe basic emotions of happy , sad or angry .

As soon as they replicate that feeling in their body for the purposes of the session , they immediately suppress it out of habit and it takes some time for them to understand that it is safe for them to feel that emotion .

Part of all of this is that we've never been taught about our feelings and never encouraged to even be curious about it , especially in the modern education standards . Teachers and educators themselves have never been taught this skill . But it's okay , guys , because the movement of life coaching is here to change all of that .

Interestingly enough , my kids go through an exercise each morning where the teacher asks them their main emotion and why they're feeling that , and thanks to virtual schooling , I've had a chance to witness all of this .

Most of the kids , including mine , will say I'm feeling happy because we have early release today , or I'm feeling sad because our snorkeling tip was cancelled .

Yeah , they give away a lot of family news on these sessions , but sometimes the kids surprise me and over time I've seen an improvement where they're tapping more and more into complex emotions , like I'm frustrated , I cannot get the typing program to work . So , admittedly , it's getting a little better . It's the same with gaining any skill .

But let's pause here just for a second . Did you guys notice something wrong ? What is wrong with the example I just gave ? If you've been listening to my podcast long enough , you'll realize that there's something very wrong with this exercise . Let me repeat the example in case you weren't paying attention . The kid says I'm sad because our trip was canceled .

I'm happy because we have a half day today . I'm frustrated because of the typing program . What's wrong with this picture ? You guys ? They're associating a feeling with the circumstance . Oh my god . Every time I hear that I cringe . I want to jump through the screen and shake the teacher and tell her that's not how it works .

They have thoughts about all of these circumstances that lead to their feelings . You are disempowering our children . So I have a visceral reaction to all of this which is rather intense , but I control myself . It is a learning process for all of us and I'm working on putting together a program at school to help bring an understanding to the teachers .

And it helps that our principal is a life coach herself , so she understands the importance of this work , alhamdulillah . But anyways , I digress . Oh and boy , this was a long story . But coming back to the kids' exercise , kids practice staying in touch with their emotions . That's the moral of the story , and as adults , we could be doing the same .

If we are to expand what we create our lives with , we need to be learning more vocabulary around emotions and how to be experiencing the sensation in our body that come with each emotion . There is little to no education on how actually to experience the emotion .

How we label an emotion meaning the language you give to an emotion has a direct effect on how we experience that emotion , which is a sensation . It is an extremely important process if we want to take our lives to the next level . When you say I am mad , what is it that you're actually feeling ?

Is it anger , is it rage , is it irritation and if it's any of the other things , what is the difference between all of them ? The more you can specify , the more clarity you gain . So splitting hair when it comes to emotions is one of the few times when it's actually useful .

You will see that once you're able to apply more specific language to your emotions , your experience of that emotion will change . So it's very important how we label

it . If we give ourselves an emotion of happiness that I want to feel happy , we've limited ourselves in generating actions . What about motivation , cheerful joy , excited ? Now you can really focus on these sensations and experience the vibrations that each of these words create in your body , and each of these vibrations will be different .

With all of these words , you really expanded the tools in your tool belt to work with Authors and storytellers . Use exactly this skill to create an engaging , colorful story .

Have you ever read a book that completely captivated you Happens to me all the time , because the author is using language of emotions to engage the reader , and we can do the same when it comes to writing the story of our life .

By the way , one of the books that I cried my eyes out on was when Breath Becomes Air by Paul Calanithi , an amazing book , but please have a box of tissues next to you when you decide to read it . That's my public service announcement for the day . You'll thank me later .

So let's continue to expand our vocabulary of emotions Certain , hopeful , determined , motivated . Which of these will help you create the result and take actions ? Gratitude , patience , reverence , respect , fear , exasperation . I came across fascinating work by Dr Nathalie Martinick . She's a PhD with emphasis on narcissism .

Her Instagram handle is assertivecoach , if anyone's interested , and one of her teaching is that there's no such thing as a negative emotion . So when I came across this notion , I was just shocked . How is that even possible ? No such thing as a negative emotion . So with some more investigation , I figured out the premise behind it and it blew my mind .

What she is saying is that there's no such thing as a negative emotion . Anger , sad , frustration . Because it just happens that through family and social dynamics , where adults don't know how to handle their own emotions , when the children are experiencing a difficult sensation , the adults become uncomfortable themselves and they quickly want to change the situation .

They give a lollipop , they promise a toy or , if you're really angry and irate , they send you in timeout . All of this is so that the child would stop acting out from their emotions . All of this is happening when adults are trying to subconsciously avoid the discomfort that comes with the child's emotion . So how fascinating is this ?

No such thing as a difficult emotion . Only the difficulty has been socialized into us , related to these vibrations , because the adults around us have not been comfortable . Negative emotions are a conditioned response . I find it so fascinating . Well , actually , all emotions are a conditioned response if you think about it . But we don't escape these positive vibrations .

So the problem really becomes when we are never taught that negative vibrations are a part of experience of life as well . All emotions are vibrations and sensations in our body from a combination of chemical reactions . We call some of them negative through the language because we are not taught how to handle some of these sensations over others .

So from early on we are programmed not to feel the negative emotion because no one knows how to process it . What if we just embrace the child for having whatever experience they're having ?

What if we treated all vibrations and emotions as an alert system so it can notify us to pay attention to whatever else is happening in our body , rather than something to suppress ? With this understanding , the emotion just becomes a label or a notification system of the body to move towards or away from an experience . I thought that this work was very deep .

I hope you guys got some value out of it too . So you're okay to feel any emotion , even if it's labeled as negative , because all emotions are like a knock on the door to pay attention to your experience , and this is a beautiful design . Alhamdulillah , you can learn and unlearn any emotion .

You did that as a child , subconsciously , and you can do it as an adult , through your thoughts , with conscious effort and awareness . How about other emotions , like peaceful pleasure , exuberant ? What is the difference between all of these ? Take it into a deeper study of yourself . What about appreciation , gratitude ? How are they different ?

For you Call to action here is that next time someone asks you how you're feeling , instead of a knee-jerk response , I'm fine , be curious about how you're exactly feeling . That will be a teaching moment . Take some lessons from it . Content , blissful , adoring , thrilling , relaxed , inspired , pride , aligned , guided , secure , selected , accepted .

There is a book called Dictionary of Emotion by Patrick Ryan . Give it a read if you have a chance , or just google terms relating to your feelings and see what fits best . This is in line with the concept I teach about thought and feeling shopping . It's like going to a dressing room and trying on different emotions and see what fits your experience best .

Once you find what emotion fits your current reality the best , it brings you to a higher level of clarity and awareness . You won't be able to do that with limited emotional vocabulary . So start expanding your language around your emotions .

Quran emphasizes thinking from the heart because , as our Creator , allah , knows what tools humans have to create a purposeful life the tool of emotions . So take the challenge of the Quran Think from your heart , try and see the world from the lens of your emotions . Expand that tool belt and don't hold back .

Courageous , bodacious , blooming , bold , guided , respectful , self-esteemed , reliant , understanding , intrigued , loving , boastful , tempereded confidence , self-confidence . Don't just go with find and busy . The next time you're asked how you're feeling , paint your life with a spectrum of emotions . That's the language of our body . That's Allah's design .

Be in service of Allah just by paying attention to your emotions . Oh my god , how beautiful is this ? Can you guys see it ? It blows my mind . Dr Abdullah Rothman says that thoughts are a tip of the iceberg . The body of the iceberg is the emotions . We have control over our thoughts . Those are the breadcrumbs that lead us to the energy store of emotions .

Since we have control over our thoughts , we have control over this large , massive body of energy to propel us into action . Okay , I might have said this same thing about a hundred times , but to me it can be repeated a hundred more times , whatever it takes to help me understand this process Honored , glorified , fortified , free , chosen .

What does that bring up for you ? Resilient , fun , heroic , funny . Try all of them and be aware of anything that's available to you to utilize . It is not about all positive or negative emotions . It is about choosing an emotion that serves you best in a situation Choosing deliberately , consciously , on purpose and with awareness . You do that through your thoughts .

Choose grief , sorrowful regret , even guilt or healthy anger when it is appropriate . And please even choose fear when it comes to being afraid of Allah's punishment . Please even choose fear when it comes to being afraid of Allah's punishment . That is a healthy emotion .

I pray that all of these emotions are available to us through our conscious mind so we can be in constant service and submission to Allah .

I pray to Allah , subhanahu wa ta'ala , that he makes this work easy for us and that we can learn to separate ourselves from our societal programming and conditioning and instead use the treasure of these emotions to gain the highest purpose in our life , which is to be in constant submission to Allah . I will talk to you guys next time .