Evaluation is the path to Ihsan

It nourishes me . I feel alive and rejuvenated when I hear what a difference this podcast is making in your life . Alhamdulillah , that is my purpose , and the outcome of my efforts is aligned with my goal of making a difference in the mental health of the Muslim woman .

I was able to achieve that not by magic , not because I have an innate talent of podcasting , but from the help of Allah and because of the evaluation process , and that is the topic of today . So I want to start with the difference between a goal and an outcome . Goals can be lofty and ambitious .

Honestly , most of my goals have always been very ambitious and the outcome can be anything but that . Outcomes tend to fall short of the goals . So you have a goal and you have a current outcome of your actions . They might or might not be the same . In reality , they're actually mostly not the same . Outcomes fall way short of the goals .

People who think that their very first outcome of their efforts will equal their goal are being extremely naive . That's not how the world works . If your goal is an ideal body weight , the current outcome is that you lost 10 pounds and gained 5 back . This outcome is far from the goal , but the outcome is a result of your effort , your behavior , your action .

The outcome is in your control . Outcome is any change that is brought about because of your actions , and this is why Islam is extremely action-oriented and , as we know , our thoughts create our feelings . That create our actions , that create the outcome . All outcomes are from Allah , but we create our outcome . So I always give an example of a chair .

I created a chair by hammering woods into legs , a seat and a back for support . That was the behavior , everything altogether the ability to envision a chair , feeling , the motivation to create the chair , having the capacity to perform the action of hammering the chair into shape . Everything is from Allah , but without my action , the chair would not be the outcome .

I created the chair because of the permission that Allah granted me and because of the mind Allah gave me . I create my outcome because of my mind that Allah gave me . Now , by the way , when I say mind , I don't mean it in isolation , but the mind and body pair the thought and the feeling together . For me , one outcome is this podcast .

The action is me creating it , the thought is . I want everyone to have easy access to this message that gives me the energy to perform these actions . Most of the time , the reality of life is the outcome of your effort is not equal to your goal . That does not mean that you cannot reach your goal .

It just means that you have to evaluate the outcome to improve the process of your next action or effort . This takes you closer to your goal . People that reach their goals have mastered this process . Evaluation has to do with improving the process without blame , and that is much easier said than done .

It is very easy to be living a life of your dreams or living a life of your nightmares . It is very easy to wake up from slumber one day and find out you have accomplished nothing of your desires . Evaluation is done so we don't accidentally wake up in a nightmare . Evaluation is a process of assessment of your past thoughts , feelings , actions and outcomes .

If you don't evaluate , you can't improve . This is critical to remember . Ideally , during this critical process , you will have gathered data , analyzed it to improve future actions . In a pure evaluation process , you might change your skills by gaining knowledge and creating a different skill set . You might change your behavior to change the outcome .

But and it's a big but it doesn't always happen that way . It doesn't happen in such a logical and analytical manner . Humans are not strictly analytical and logical . Humans are experiential . They are a mixed bag of thoughts and emotions , the good and the bad . According to this design , the evaluation process looks a lot more messy .

For the weight loss example , the goal is the ideal weight , lost about 10 pounds and gained 5 pounds back . The strictly logical mind will say I had more frequent meals and they were high in carbs . Therefore , the outcome is gaining five pounds .

Next time I will fast more , open the fast , with a high fiber diet for one month and at that point I will evaluate the outcome again . So this is ideally what should happen . This is our pure rational reasoning mind , but what it actually looks like is you start to tell yourself I am such a loser . My body is not designed for this .

I hate the scale in this world . In real life , the evaluation process turns into a self-beating contest . The inner critic has a field day when your outcomes are far from your goals . On the surface you will be living active lives , but for the most part .

On the surface you will be living active lives , but for the most part outcomes of your actions are creating obstacles in your progress rather than forward momentum . And that is all because of our brain . It has ingrained negativity bias . When results are different than what we expected , it takes that disparity and it enhances it .

The inner critic makes it so personal that instead of being able to perform blameless evaluation , we turn it into a self-badgering contest . It becomes super painful . The outcome evaluation is supposed to be looking for the changes you want to make and you're supposed to be looking at it just with a critical eye .

Whether the changes you made are favorable or unfavorable , whether the outcomes are closer to your goal or not , that's it . It does not mean anything about you or your natural ability to succeed . Why some people oppress others , that is because they are unable to evaluate themselves .

Their self-blame pathway of the brain is so strong that it blocks the improvement process and since they can't improve without evaluation , they turn to oppression to try and control other people to help themselves feel better . Seth Godin says when you're evaluating how your book sales went on Amazon , you're not going to want to evaluate the one-star review .

That is a total judgment of you . Going to want to evaluate the one-star review . That is a total judgment of you . That says more about the reviewer than it says about you or your book . You're going to review a three-star review from someone who actually read your book and has constructive feedback about it .

The one-star reviewer , having never read your book , sounds like an expert at criticism . Let them be . Evaluate your book from a perspective of someone who will actually consume your product , read your book and shows that she will benefit if the product is more refined . She provides blameless evaluation .

After having this distinction of how to approach this process , the actual point I want to make is that evaluation puts you on the path of ihsan . Now how is that ? Let me elaborate . When you are judging yourself and being harsh on yourself for making humanly mistakes , you are not improving things . You are just sitting in shame and anger .

Our soul's voice is designed to present guilt and shame to help us pay attention , so we can follow it up with corrective action .

Shaitan , the inner critic , the primal brain , on the other hand , will have us spinning downwards in the vortex of shame and guilt , out of which we never create an evaluation process and we never improve , and the outcome we end up creating is that we prove ourselves unworthy of improvement

. With this in mind , I want you guys to make a promise today , make a decision today to allow yourself blameless evaluation of your actions and decisions . Sentences that would have sounded like I'm not smart enough to get an A , I can't get into school , my marriage is lost , need to be dropped .

These sentences , you'll notice , will show up in a first person narrative , but it is actually shaitan , keeping you in self-judgment so you don't have a chance at improvement . He is responsible for persistent judgment of yourself , of your circumstances and of others . This is how he keeps you away from the life of Ihsan .

We suffocate the evaluation process out of self-judgment , which all but guarantees our failure . Blameless evaluation is the birthplace of the life of Ihsan . Now , how am I making this claim ? And if you're not seeing this connection , it's possible you're confusing a life of Ihsan with perfectionism . Ihsan is about striving in the path of Allah .

It's not about being perfect . Human beings are not created to be perfect . When will you ever be able to pay undivided attention in your prayer ? Most likely never . Human mind is not created to be completely free of distractions , but you can very much uplevel your concentration when you strive to improve .

You will be getting less and less distracted through the evaluation and the refinement process until you have more concentration than you actually expected , and if you fall prey to distraction , then you just come back to starting the evaluation process and improvement again .

Abu Huraira reported the messenger of Allah peace and blessings be upon him said by the one in whose hand is my soul , if you did not sin , allah would replace you with people who would sin and they would seek forgiveness from Allah and he would forgive them .

Sahih Muslim Forgetfulness , ghafla , distraction , all of it is an intricate part of being an earthly human . From that you evaluate , identify a mistake , seek forgiveness and improve your actions for the next time . That's it . Blameless evaluations leads to a life of ihsan . People tell me . Well , that can't be true .

If I don't blame myself , I would never actually see the problem and I would never improve , I would never ask for forgiveness . So I have to continue to blame myself Again if you're staying in blame just long enough to recognize the mistake , the sin , the omission of the correct action , then you're doing it right .

But that time period just needs to be a fraction of a second . The blame needs to present itself only for a short period of time , to the tune of a few seconds only , and it presents just to grab your attention . Any time spent in blame after that is your inner shaitan indulging you in self-harm so you can get off this path of improvement .

Many of the clients I see deem themselves unworthy of a life of ihsan . Again , that is one of the best tricks of shaitan . Of course you're worthy of Allah SWT . Of course you're worthy of ihsan . Allah SWT deemed you worthy when he sent you to this earth on this journey . I want you guys to think about this .

Shame , guilt and blame blocks our progress , blocks our improvement for the next time , while definition of ihsan is improving for the next time , for the sake of Allah , which is striving , you are striving . When you're improving and refining the process , you will release self-blame for the sake of Allah . Without blame , you can actually improve .

With blame , you will create more self-judgment and guilt . Let's say , you promise yourself that you will prepare kids' lunches the night before and you just didn't come around to doing it . How we usually talk to ourselves when something like this happens is I don't know why this always happens to me . I can't seem to follow through with this process .

This is not for me . I will just have to accept it . I have no choice but to rush frantically every morning to get all the things done .

This sort of acceptance of defeat comes from the underlying blame that I don't have what it takes to have discipline , but what it actually sounds like , that our brain , in the name of self-preservation , presents it to us as confusion and it says I don't know how to do this . I don't know how other people do it , but I can't seem to do it .

This is subtle because instead of presenting blame and guilt , it just presents confusion . All of the same concept can be applied if you're writing a thesis , or if you're leading a project , or if you're decorating your home , or if you're planning your next vacation , if you're putting in a request for a corner office .

Blameless evaluation is what could be improved for the next time ?

And asking that question not from a place of believing that I am particularly incompetent , but from a place of curiosity , openness and acceptance Acceptance of the self and the circumstance , not language like if I just ran my business differently , if I raised my kids differently , if I was just a little bit more extroverted .

This type of language creates judgment and you will be unable to evaluate your actions and take corrective steps . Let's make this process very easy for ourselves . Evaluate the facts , not your opinions about the outcomes , make it more logical and less judgmental , and let's decide today that , no matter what happens , I will not blame myself .

For me , this process started with what I needed to do to improve the sound quality of my podcast . How can I have my background in medicine help this topic ? It didn't sound like I am not meant to podcast because I have a chaotic house with screaming children , although at some point it did sound like that .

I just had to self-correct , but for you it could be . How can I hold a conversation about a topic I've never heard before ? Not , I don't know anything about what's happening in the world . I can't be caught dead talking to people . It could be . How can I invest my money better ? Not , I can't world . I can't be caught dead talking to people . It could be .

How can I invest my money better ? Not , I can't invest . I don't know anything about investing . How do you think people became investors ? They invested , made mistakes , sometimes with their own money , sometimes with other people's money . They evaluated the process , what worked , what didn't work .

They did not make it personal and they kept improving until the world started to deem them as experts . The same can be applied when it comes to concentration in prayers . The judgment of the evaluation process will single-handedly block your improvement in your prayers .

I can never concentrate versus I couldn't concentrate , but I was able to bring my mind back to the prayers three different times . I am working on improving my concentration , all the while asking for forgiveness for your shortcomings . This is striving for the sake of Allah . Judgment blocks ihsan .

Asking for forgiveness not from self-blame , but from a place of love of this design of yourself , of Allah SWT , where we get to overpower our inner enemy , to create a beautiful life in this world , all the while calling it Ibadah inshallah . Keep striving . Ihsan is striving , not perfectionism , like most of us make it mean .

I will ask you to find Ihsan in your daily life . Ihsan in marriage , in motherhood , in your career . Ihsan is striving for the sake of Allah . You start by elevating your intentions before your day begins , you promise yourself that everything lined up for your day today is going to be for the sake of Allah .

That way , you immediately turn the most mundane tasks of the day into Ibadah and then you evaluate where you were able to show up from Ihsan or where you were judging yourself . When you can't evaluate your day actions or outcomes because your judgment is weighing you down , you will hide .

This , spins into self-pity , feeling sorry for yourself and feeling trapped , which in turn begets more judgment . Shaytan wants you to be the victim of your life . Every victim needs a villain . When you are the victim of your judge , you blame the world . The world becomes the villain .

When you're blaming other things and other people , that's because your internal judge is so strong that while it judges you , it also pacifies you by saying it's okay , you're a loser , but so is everyone else . If you're without opportunity , that's because your circumstances are wrong for your life .

Your judgment of circumstances and other human beings is a symptom of your judgment of yourself . This is how improvement opportunities remain hidden . You don't question , you don't reveal , you stay small . So I ask you to evaluate without blame and judgment , to expand your horizons , keep it factual and ask for forgiveness abundantly

. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala , overlook all of our failures and our shortcomings . May Allah , subhanahu wa ta'ala , overlook all of our failures and our shortcomings . I pray to Allah for steadfastness , so that I can overcome my inner critic and all of its judgments . I pray for effective evaluation of my past actions so that way I can improve my life .

Inshallah , and I pray the same for all of you . O Allah , please help us propel our lives beyond our wildest dreams . Help us embark on a life of ihsan . For your sake and for the sake of serving others , I pray that your journey of evaluation and self-correction be made easy for you .

Through this podcast , I call on the names of Allah , ar-rahim , the bestower of mercy , and Ar-Rashid , the guide , the infallible teacher . O Allah , teach us a way to live a life in your submission , filled with success . Ameen , ya Rabbul Alameen , please keep me in your du'as . I will talk to you guys next time .