Enjoy Life More

Today's podcast topic is about enjoying life more , and the idea came from my recent family dinner , where some family members were enjoying the whole setup and others were not , and it got me thinking . Why don't we all choose to enjoy things ? Why aren't we told that we have that choice ?

Why aren't we taught that we can create enjoyment independent of anyone else's beliefs about the subject ? In this particular situation , my older one liked the meal but wasn't enjoying it because the other two were being loud . My youngest one didn't like the meal but loved the company and the talking .

My middle one loved both but was enjoying the talking way too much . Each of them thought their experience was happening because of what everyone else was doing . Everyone on the table thought that their enjoyment depended on other people's behavior . So it led me to create this podcast .

You can choose to enjoy a meal or a situation independent of whether anybody else enjoys it or not , like one time we were at a stand-up comedy show and we were with another couple and they did not enjoy the show , while we absolutely loved it . We were actually laughing so hard that we were almost on the floor .

So , starting today , you can enjoy choices that you made , like a credit card that you chose , with miles for rewards instead of cash back . You can enjoy either choice . You can just decide to enjoy , even if you're facing a challenge . And I'm going to take it up a notch and say you can not only enjoy the challenge .

That's what everyone should be doing Enjoying the heart parts , the failures , the obstacles . Because , let's face it , life is a package deal . It will come with things that are challenging and things that are easier , but we , as higher functioning human beings , are capable of enjoying things beyond their capacity to be enjoyed .

We have a higher brain that can create enjoyment independent of the circumstances . So you can just decide to enjoy life and you can decide that you're not going to choose to enjoy life when you've received some terrible news , but then you're also going to decide to enjoy it in other moments .

Just this conscious decision making , just exercising this freedom , is enjoyable . When is enjoyment because of your circumstances ? The answer is never . And when is the enjoyment because of your thoughts . The answer is always when is enjoyment because of circumstances like your children or your job or your luxury car ? The answer is never .

Your enjoyment is only always from your thoughts about these things . Only always from your thoughts , not sometimes , not most of the times , but always .

If you enjoy your children , it's because your nervous system has been groomed to think thoughts like I enjoy my children , I love taking care of them , I love being around them and all of the societal messaging that makes a woman fulfill her role in child rearing . And I'm not saying this is a bad thing .

I just mean to say that this social messaging is the programming that leads you to think thoughts like I enjoy my children , which leads you to the enjoyment of the children . Children are a circumstance . There are plenty of people in the world who don't enjoy their children .

If children were the cause of the enjoyment , everyone would enjoy them , and we know that's obviously not the case and it's unfortunate in many situations , like in the cases of child neglect .

If you're enjoying a luxury car , it's because the ad agencies have successfully fulfilled their mission of spending billions of dollars in grooming your nervous system to have thoughts of ease , status and comfort associated with enjoyment of the luxury car . That makes it easier for you to enjoy this particular car versus a used beat-up sedan .

Enjoying that kind of car will require more work because the social messaging goes against it . But you can enjoy it if you so choose . And I'm not saying that enjoying a luxury car is bad because of this grooming . I'm just saying to keep the social programming in check . Alhamdulillah , I have a car with a refrigerator in it and I enjoy it very much .

I'm saying the car or the refrigerator doesn't create the enjoyment my thoughts about it do . People ask me how do you do so much ? How do you achieve so much ? Isn't it so stressful ? And I say because I choose to enjoy the challenges . I choose to enjoy the hard part that's in front of me . You all think I'm stressed while I'm over here enjoying myself .

I mean I enjoy life when it's easy because everyone can do that . But enjoying a challenge , that's what sets you apart from the masses . If you've decided to do the hard things in life , you've decided not to hide , not to stay little . You're taking life head on , with intention , with purpose .

That's what makes the process of enjoyment so fulfilling , because not everyone is able to do it . You can choose to enjoy a walk in the park or you can choose to enjoy staying in and preparing for the meeting . Enjoyment is a feeling that comes from your thoughts . A walk in the park and the meeting prep does not deliver you enjoyment .

You have to consciously and deliberately choose to think about both of these circumstances in a way that will create enjoyment for you . And you can just choose to think that I enjoy this action in this moment . Give yourself that freedom , that space , that liberty . The only limitations you put on your enjoyment are from your own brain .

You can choose not to listen to these limitations Like . They will enjoy doing an eight hour hike . They will enjoy an intense workout . They will enjoy a challenging business deal . How is it that some people would enjoy such arduous affairs and other people would avoid it like a plague ? It's not the circumstance that's causing the enjoyment .

It's always the thought about it . These people have chosen to take advantage of these challenges and create deliberate enjoyment out of it . They've decided they're not going to think otherwise . They're not going to let their brains bog them down , and this type of thinking is just as easily available to you as it is for them .

There are people out there who enjoy taking care of children for a living . They would work in a daycare or an elementary school setting . I would probably stop choosing to enjoy that after five minutes , but I could choose to enjoy it much longer if I decided .

I am astounded by people that enjoy running for miles and miles , and they're choosing to do so , and good for them , because how many of us would find it gruesome , including me ? We have chosen not to enjoy that activity , and it's fine .

I myself enjoy an intense workout in a heated room and other people are just about ready to call me crazy for that , but I know some people that enjoy dipping themselves in ice water . I choose not to enjoy that .

I think that's crazy , but either way , hot or cold , it's about enjoying the challenge , the discomfort and the growth that comes from this challenge and for the most time , we assign enjoyment to our results that we create with this hard work . Like for my workout , I enjoy having created a healthy body .

Someone might enjoy the results of a hike , having worked so hard to climb a mountain and enjoy the view . The result that you create after your hard work , like the 8 hour hike or an intense workout , is still a circumstance , when you think about it .

Some people might create a result of having reached the top of a mountain after a hike and think to themselves this was useless , I put up so much energy and effort for nothing and therefore lose all the enjoyment . So again , the results of the hard work that you create does not bring you enjoyment unless you think about it in enjoyable ways .

You can choose to enjoy a sore body after a hard workout , because we know some people in the world who would not work out , since they choose to dread a sore body . We are always choosing to enjoy or not enjoy the result we've created . That determines how likely we are to engage in this behavior again .

If you choose to enjoy discomfort , you are golden , because the social programming that does not help us tells us that discomfort is bad . So buy this most recent gadget and upgrade your software and install this app , just so you can enjoy yourself . This social programming is always hurting us towards consumption .

It tells us that buying is the only way to enjoy ourselves . But we know from this coaching that the object of our consumption is not the source of our enjoyment . It is our thoughts about the object that bring us enjoyment , and we can choose to think that this object is not going to bring me enjoyment right now , since I don't have the money to acquire it .

I can't afford it , I don't have the resources to obtain it right now . I can choose to think I can enjoy not having it . I can choose to think I can enjoy it later , when I do have the money , or I'm willing to go into debt to acquire this object . All up to you .

As long as you're not assigning your enjoyment to the object , enjoying a challenge is the best type of relationship you can have with it . If your goal is to be successful in corporate America , then you can choose to enjoy the hard work that takes you to get there . Just like to a bodybuilder , a heavy weight looks like an opportunity to build his muscles .

For you , as a person who is creating success in your career , a challenge is a weight that you can build your success muscles against . It would not help you to think that your work is stressful and that you don't have support or you have so much to do or you don't have enough time . That is not an appropriate use of that weight of a challenge .

You can choose to enjoy the challenge and you will see , as soon as you've lifted the judgment of the hard work , you will stop catastrophizing it and it will actually stop spilling over into your personal life .

In my coaching , I most commonly find when someone is not able to enjoy the challenge in their life , it's because of their judgment of the challenge Like it shouldn't be there . It should be easy . Why is it so hard ? Or something of that nature .

This judgment is not helpful and it gives you no chance that you can enjoy your work , because guess what Chances are ? You're working towards it anyways . The judgment of it just sucks the enjoyment out .

If at any point , you weren't strong enough to lift the heavy weight of a challenge in your first attempt , at least now your muscles are a little stronger , so it becomes more likely for you to able to lift it the next time .

Changes and growth are still happening , even if you don't see the results yet , you can choose to hold yourself in high regard for attempting it and enjoying this invisible growth . This literally happens in every area of your life , not just careers .

I want you to make a decision today , right now , to choose to enjoy your life , and I want you to choose to enjoy the challenges , because that's what creates a strong person .

If you walk into a gym for the first time and you see a heavy weight but you've never worked out before , then you have a tendency to want to leave the gym saying this is not for me , I'm not capable of lifting these weights .

But if you just actually enjoy the process of lifting a little heavier weight each time , then you will become a person who those weights are created for , who will become a person that will lift these weights . Apply this analogy to climbing mountains , to running a marathon or creating a business or creating a family .

If you looked at a challenge and you walked away thinking this is not meant for me or I'm not meant for this , you failed ahead of time .

But if you choose to enjoy the process of taking on the challenge not only you put an effort , but you also enjoy the effort then you're most likely to become a person who will one day succeed , creating more evidence for you that the challenge was meant for your growth .

One overall message in my coaching in this podcast is that you need to enjoy the process . You need to enjoy the steps , you need to be able to do the boring things . Not just do the boring things , but actually enjoy them . Now let's try on some thoughts that might actually help you in this choice .

Those are my personal thoughts , but you're welcome to borrow them . I always choose to think that I'm the best person for the life I've been given , and I choose to think in every situation , because why else would I be here ? Allah swt has a plan . He is the best of all planners . We plan things and then he plans things .

Who am I to impose my plans on what he planned for me ? Who am I to impose my will on what is actually happening right now in front of me ? I can just think that this is for me . So if I choose not to enjoy this unfolding of events , then I'm challenging the master plan . One thought that I was recently offered was that everything is figure-outable .

And yeah , that's a useful thought when you face an obstacle , but it doesn't create the zest of enjoyment for me . To me it's more like okay , yeah , I can figure it out , not so much emotional vibration attached to it , but maybe it's different for you . Maybe thinking everything is figure-outable creates enjoyment for you , and if that's the case , keep it .

For me , it creates more of a milder energy emotion . Another thought that I find easily accessible , that creates a lot of enjoyment for me is that I'm the best person to handle this situation . I'm the best person to handle screaming children that are fighting over one eraser . I'm the best person to handle the critical patient in the ICU .

I'm the best person to receive a racist comment on social media . I'm the best person to have the mother I have or the country I live in or the skin color that I'm born in ? I am the best person for any of these situations because I am in these situations . Choosing not to enjoy any of these is only to my detriment .

So I can choose to enjoy life and I enjoy it more and more each time . Other people do what they do , but my enjoyment is up to me . People at the dinner table do not create my enjoyment . People at work do not create my enjoyment . In every situation , I think about these events in a way that creates enjoyment .

The best thing I can do for people is hand them back their thoughts , feelings and actions , and I can take ownership of my thoughts and create enjoyment . Another dilemma that I help people resolve is that if you're enjoying now means that you can't change what you have now . That's absolutely not the case .

You can choose to enjoy your weight now and , at the same time , choose to enjoy the process of weight loss . You can choose to enjoy your income and enjoy creating more income . Enjoying the now makes it more likely that you will create the end result of your improved life , whatever it is that you dreamed of With this process .

Like anything else , don't go lift the heaviest weight if it's your first day at the gym . Choose to enjoy less charged situation in your life first . Then you can apply it to more and more challenging things . You can remain open to how you can create enjoyment .

So I remember there was a situation where I was in an argument with my husband and this was fairly early in our marriage and one of my elderly in-laws told me that I should stop eating .

She said the best way to get him to do what you want is for you to stop eating and go hungry , and when he sees you're in pain , hungry and suffering , he might consider taking you up on your request . I did not find that amusing at all . So the advice here was I shouldn't eat to make him do what I want him to do .

Not only am I suffering in this , because now I'm hungry since I've stopped eating . But also I'm trying to manipulate him through emotional back mail and there's no guarantee it will even work . It will actually create more resentment and not to mention , people don't like being manipulated . So my husband would not have appreciated it , even if he didn't say anything .

That was some messy advice . Now , looking back , I feel like I'm fascinated by people who think they can control the situation . It just amuses me now as to how much people believe they can control other people , what length they're willing to go to just to be able to control others people's actions .

Don't worry , I didn't miss a single meal and there was a disagreement in a married couple and we got over it in time . I did not stop eating . Now I choose to think I was the best person to be in that situation at that moment , receiving that advice . I was the best suited for this disagreement with my husband .

I was best suited for this relative of mine to give me this advice and I choose to enjoy it . In this case , I made that happen by handing her her emotions and thoughts on the situation by basically completely disregarding them .

I don't have to believe what she's saying , especially if I know better and , on that note , nobody ever has to believe anything they're being told , because anything being said to them is somebody else's thoughts . That is your circumstance . You can choose to think about it however you like .

If you feel criticized by what you're being told , it's because you've believed it . If I had believed this auntie , then I would have felt that creating my husband's actions was in my control by starving myself . That was not going to be an enjoyable process , so instead I turned it on its head by not believing her , and the same is available to you .

And I did all of that from a place of respect . I still respect her a lot . That was just her reality and she gets to keep it . I don't have to change her . I don't have to even correct her . I don't have to change my husband . But , like magic , I still enjoyed the situation because of the choice of my thoughts on the matter .

Enjoyment is fully yours to create . The ultimate enjoyment will be in heaven , inshallah . Until then , things on this earth can be enjoyed by choice . So how do you enjoy life more ? By simply choosing to do so

. I pray for all of you to enjoy this life on earth , keeping the ultimate bigger picture in mind , when you can truly enjoy your existence without challenges in heaven , inshallah . But until then , we have these methods to navigate this world and enjoy it , because that is the freedom we're given . I want you to enjoy your career choice .

I want you to choose to enjoy a big family or a small family , or no family , enjoy a lot of money or a little money . I want you to learn to enjoy your life as it is now , because then , and only then , can you create the enjoyment of the process , where you'll be creating the life that you actually want .

Enjoy the process , the hard work , the challenges , the boredom and everything in between , and you can create whatever you want , inshallah . I pray to Allah Azza wa Jalla that he blesses all of us with the insight , the work ethic and the openness to create enjoyment of the process , so that we can create the life of our dreams . Please keep me in your dharas .

I will talk to you guys next time .