Emotional Intellegence.

Our topic is emotional intelligence , and it ties right into mental health . It's one of my favorite topics . I can't wait to explore this more with you guys . So let's dive right in Right place . To start about defining emotional intelligence is , of course , the Google .

So , as Google defines it , it is the capacity to be aware of , control and express one's emotions and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically . It also goes on to say emotional intelligence is the key to both personal and professionaletically . It also goes on to say emotional intelligence is the key to both personal and professional success .

I love this definition so much , so see how the definition included interpersonal relationships . That would be EQ . But what is superior ? Intrapersonal relationship ? That would be mental health . That's why I think these two concepts are so super important .

That is why it is my focus of all my teachings at the Islamic Life Coach School , because both of them together really does translate into success , and I've already given you the tools that you need to be accelerating at both . So at this point I'm going to try and refrain from convincing you on the importance of emotional intelligence .

I think I've done that enough . One of the main reasons that I don't think that emotional intelligence is just the next big fad is because artificial intelligence is playing a bigger role with each passing day in industries where we thought that only humans can provide services , and that change in my opinion is inevitable .

So gaining emotional intelligence is an asset that will pay off manifold , because currently it is strictly a human quality . I can claim that superior emotional intelligence will benefit every human being on the planet . Well , as long as there are humans on the planet .

If artificial intelligence takes over and there are just robots left , then I guess that theory doesn't apply . But until then , we have to do ourselves this favor and start gaining more emotional intelligence .

The great news is that emotional intelligence is not genetically predetermined , meaning you can raise your EQ and , like I've emphasized before at the Islamic Life Coach School , we're all about great news . Let me ask you what do you think it takes to raise your emotional intelligence ? That's right , you guessed it managing your mind . My God , the benefits .

Managing your mind . My god , the benefits of managing your mind . I don't know why anyone in their right state of mind will pass an opportunity to manage their minds . I recently read a book , Emotional Intelligence 2.0 , by Travis Bradbury and Jean Greaves , where they give a four-point definition of emotional intelligence .

This , I think , is based off of David Goldman's work and I don't think they're the creators of the four-point theory of emotional intelligence , but this is just where I happen to come across it . So the four points they highlight belong to two categories personal competence and social competence .

Personal competence is made up of two components self-awareness and self-management . Social competence is made up of two components social awareness and relationship management .

To raise both of these competencies and those four components means that you raise your emotional intelligence score , and I will help you identify how the formula CTFAR beautifully summarizes all of these aspects . You can use this single formula on all of these four components to raise your EQ , the first component being self-awareness .

We have done a whole podcast on this , which is podcast number three . I think it's titled Awareness of Thoughts . If you forgot what was in that podcast , go back and revisit it as a refresher . But basically , self-awareness is about knowing everything is a thought and to be able to think about your thoughts from an observer's perspective .

I will review the formula here briefly , which is C-T-F-A-R . C is for circumstances which are neutral outside of us and always provable . Thoughts are something that generate in our heads based on the circumstance . That's the T part , or T line , of the formula . F is for feelings , which are emotions or vibrations that we feel in our body .

A is for actions we take based on our feelings . Basically , feelings are the fuel to our actions and R stands for results that we get based on our actions . The premise of this formula is self-awareness . Some people are stronger in this regard than others . If you think you are not , then go back and listen to podcast number three .

The second component is self-management . This also fits beautifully with the formula , because we have identified that everything is a thought and self-management is just about picking the right thoughts , changing them or replacing them , depending on how they serve us . How well you're able to manage yourself depends on how diligently you're doing the thought output .

It is a daily exercise where you apply the formula to your most pressing thoughts . Both of these components , self-awareness and self-management , fall under personal competence , and we have learned both of them in detail in the previous episodes and I've given you brief summaries here .

You can raise your personal competence based on the formula that will raise your emotional intelligence score . Now moving on to social competence . First component of social competence is social awareness . Formula offers that very effectively . When you are more in touch with your feelings and thoughts , you are more likely to be aware of others' feelings and thoughts .

Now be careful not to confuse this with you can change other people's feelings . They're responsible for their own feelings . What this formula offers is that once you're more in tune with your own feelings through self-awareness , then you're more likely to be in tune with other person's feelings .

One way to accomplish that is through interpreting another person's body language . I can personally attest to this because it happened to me . After applying the formula on my thoughts and really getting in tune with my own inner workings , I became more aware of another person's body language .

In any given situation , I can pick up a subtle shift in another person's body language , signaling me that something's changed . It is important to note that studies have shown that most of the communication , meaning majority of the communication , is non-verbal . As much as up to 80% of communication is non-verbal and body language is a huge part of it .

Now , if you practice it enough , you can get in tune with body language and if you're lucky , the other person also has some emotional intelligence skills and they might also notice why their body language changed .

But unfortunately , and more commonly , people do not know what they're thinking , what exactly is the basis of their behavior , and at this point it is not your job to help them identify their thoughts , unless they want to learn about the formula , in which case by all means teach them , but majority of the situations do not call for this intervention .

One other very important point I want to make here is once you start to process your own thoughts through the formula , you let go of a lot of mind drama , and that frees up so much brain space that it gives you room to observe what's happening around you , and that , my friend , is exactly what social awareness is all about .

So the formula serves us tremendously over here . Then comes the second part of social competence , and that is relationship management . Then comes the second part of social competence , and that is relationship management . And boy oh boy , this was the most revolutionary for me , because the formula provides everything you need for relationship management .

I'll review some basic concepts here before using the formula . One definition that you should be aware of before applying the formula is that people are circumstances , meaning they are neutral , they are outside of us and they are not in our control . Nothing they can do or say can make us feel anything until we have a thought about it .

I elaborate more on this in a previous podcast , but , briefly , anything someone says becomes a circumstance . So , for example , my mom said you don't visit enough . That in itself does not mean anything until you think I have a very busy life .

Why is she always pressuring me and making me feel guilty Mistake people make is that the circumstance mom said you don't visit enough causes a feeling of guilt . A circumstance does not cause you to feel anything unless it goes through a route of thought .

Now , according to the formula C-T-F-A-R , if mom said you don't visit enough and you think I visit as much as I can , that causes a feeling of enoughness . I just made up a word there .

I don't know if enoughness is a word , but it causes a feeling of competence , capability , and through those feelings you'll show up much more positively for your relationship with your mother compared to if you were coming from a place of guilt .

The formula is a magic recipe for any relationship management , be it your parents , your boss , an acquaintance , your spouse or your children . You can manage all of those relationships through the formula by maintaining your thoughts . At this point I will describe some facts that we operate from at the Islamic Life Coach School as it pertains to relationships .

Some of these facts might be harder to digest than others , depending on how charged of a situation you're in . We cannot control another person's behavior . What another person does is a circumstance , and circumstances are always outside of our control . That's , by definition , by design . Other person cannot make us feel anything through their behavior .

A friend saying you're always late to our meeting cannot make you feel guilty or angry until you have a thought about it . Husband says you don't do anything all day cannot cause us to feel guilty or angry unless , again , we have a thought about it . Boss says you did a great job on the project .

You will be getting a bonus check cannot make you feel happy unless you have a positive thought about it . Now you might wonder who would have a negative thought about a compliment and a bonus check , but believe you me , there are people out there who think I don't deserve this and thus create a negative feeling from the same positive circumstance .

We all know people like that , and I have been guilty of that myself on many occasions until I learned to clean up my thoughts through the formula . So , in other words , it is extremely liberating to learn that people around us are not responsible for our feelings .

We are the only ones responsible for our feelings and we can choose to feel and think any way we want . I mean , again , that is just excellent news . Having learned all of these concepts provides you with such a strong backbone from where you can manage all of your personal relationships .

Now , my friends , you know everything there is to know about how to get superior emotional intelligence . All you have to success . What if I told you that emotional intelligence is also very obvious in the prophetic model ?

Our prophet Muhammad peace be upon him was an extremely emotionally intelligent individual , and somehow that aspect of his life is only indirectly referenced , at least in my experience .

I first connected these dots from a book titled With the Heart in Mind by Mikhail Ahmed Smith , and it was just mind-boggling to me that I had never thought of the Prophet peace be upon him in that light . This is quoted in the book . Ghazali says that there was no one more intelligent than the prophet Muhammad . Peace be upon him .

We should focus on his ability to understand his own emotions and those of others , as well as his ability to positively influence the emotional state of everyone around him . Wow , that is just incredible .

Now , at this point , if your brain offers you overwhelm that that level of emotional intelligence was only reserved for the Prophet peace be upon him then I will offer you that we are striving to follow his sunnah in all aspects of life , then why not in emotional intelligence ?

Another part of the book describes how the prophet peace be upon him would act in a social situation , and it says he would give every attendee his due portion of attention , to such an extent that every attendee would think that there was no one more noble in the sight of the prophet than himself .

Wow , I mean , that is social awareness to another level , and we can only strive to reach that level .

I pray to Allah , subhanahu wa ta'ala , that he gives us emotional intelligence through tools that we can utilize , and I pray that we can follow the sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him and strive to get to those levels of emotional intelligence , just like we follow all of his other teachings .

And with that , my friend , I want to leave you with a lot to ponder about . Until next time .